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It's a mailbag. Munder, you got problems there? I'm gonna help you from the comfort of my chair. It's a mailbag Monday. Hello, and welcome to the J Train Podcast. This is J Train Jared Freed coming to you live from Delray Beach, Florida. That's right. Every Monday is a mailbag Monday. You, the listener, email me the comedian for advice. That's the show. If you want to be a part of the show, email jtrain podcast gmail.com. that's J train podcast gmail.com. every Monday, I take your emails and we give you advice. That's thoughtful. That's. I have no bias against you. I don't know you. I don't release your name. We keep it very anonymous. And, you know, because people go, what do you know? What. Why would. Why would I take advice from you? Well, I'm not here to take shots. I'm not here to have a hot take that will become a clip that will go viral. Like, I do want to go viral. I do want a clip from this. I do want more listeners, but I'm not, you know, we. We reverse engineer that. We go, where was the clip? Not where is the clip? A lot of your advice podcasts, I see them on social media, are doing a where is the clip? Show. This is a where was the clip show? Very big difference. I hope you're understanding what I'm saying. Where is the clip show is. I read the email. Okay, let me say this very divisive thing. Very divisive thing that gets people angry and hopefully makes my clip get a bunch of comments from idiots. I respect you as a listener, and I want more listeners who I respect. So we're going to do a where was the clip? Show? Where I go, oh, that point is the point I wanted to make. That was funny. That was the joke. That was the. That was the thing that might find more people like you. I do like the people who listen to this show. Thank you. Thank you for being a listener. Thank you for writing in. Here's our first email. Writing this in for a mailbag Monday, but it's definitely a dating app. Ticked off Tuesday. So th. If you're not familiar with the show, I like to speak to the newbies. Ticked off Tuesday is the Tuesday episode where people complain with me. So this is a complaint that also I would assume has a question again. I don't read these until I read them with you. Newly single in NYC, 30, and I somehow keep matching with men who are 5 to 15 miles away, even though my radius is 2. Listen, you've come to the right place. I don't know what your gender is. It doesn't even matter, but you've come to the right place. This is annoying to me. This is you. This happens all the time. Especially New York City, a commuter town that is also a transplant town. You are not from there. Maybe because you could. People go to New York to make it. And then there's people who live around New York who just happen to live around New York, and they go into that city to go work. And those are two different personalities. I. I think they can date. I think, you know, the. The Capulets and the Montagues can get together at some point, but I. I do think it can get frustrating because the people coming into the city, they do the thing where they go, well, I'm in the city all the time. But then it's your responsibility. Then it'. You. It's not on them and you feel bad. You go, the people who go, well, what's your responsibility? When. When someone's coming into town, getting a date in the middle between two people who live in the same city, oh, I live a mile from there, and you live a mile in the other direction. We'll meet in the middle, okay? If it doesn't work out, we go back to our sides of the city. That's it. Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. But when it's I'm coming in, it becomes one of these bigger things that a lot of people. Me, you, this person might not feel comfortable being the start for a first date, especially from someone you meet on an app. When you meet someone in person and you smell them, feel them, and go, oh, this vibe was different. You're excited for that first date, which is really a 1.5 date. You know, the half a first date happened at that bar. So this is different. Oh, and they live on Long Island. I, you know, but I really liked meeting them at the bar. When you meet on an app, it's a lot of zhuzhing up. It's a lot of ramping up. It's a lot of getting yourself excited and past the head trash of. I don't know, it's never worked out. People on the app, they're strangers, and then you have to get over that to get to the date. And someone coming in from an hour away makes you go, oh, do I really need this person to come in? So I am with you. You found an empathetic ear, as most people do with emailing this show. I don't Know how this happens, but it seems enough times that I'm annoyed. Yeah, it's happened to me. I have a, I have a story about this. But the real problem is that it takes places like ny. But the real problem is that in places like NYC we should be able to. Let me read this again. But the real problem is that in places like New York City, we should be able to select by neighborhoods, not distance radius. A few miles towards New Jersey or Long island might as well be a long distance relationship. I agree. But that same distance heading uptown is nothing. Totally agree. Again, two different mindsets. Hey, I live at home with my parents on Long island is a different person than I moved to New York City to go after this bigger dream. And that might be offensive to someone living in Long island with their parents. You could also be in Long island with your parents because that service is the bigger dream and at that point dating becomes second place. So we all have trade offs. So if you're living in a parent basement, there's no embarrassment to that. With the bigger goals in mind. If living in a parent's basement to hopefully find a spouse that gets you out of that basement, that's not going to be as attractive to someone living in New York City and hustling every day and having to make that nut of a rent on a monthly basis. So again, what they're saying they're being nicer than I am. It's easier to go to the Upper east side from the West Village than it is to go from the West Village to Hoboken. They Hoboken might be closer than the Upper east side. It doesn't matter. It's just physically it's easier. That's the same subway system versus the Hoboken New Jersey Express or the New Jersey Transit. And mentally those are two different people and that's okay. That can happen. Not saying it won't happen can't happen. I'm saying this person has heard here dating apps need to roll out new technology for this. This in major transit cities. And while on the subject, every grown man needs to listen to your podcast and learn how to make a good profile and have and how to have a basic conversation. I would say most people need to listen to this podcast to have a good profile and have a basic conversation. Here's the thing about that. Let me come back at you Ms. Listener or whoever Listener. That's not your problem. Let's be thankful for the bad profiles and the bad conversations on a dating app. If every conversation on a dating app was A winner. You'd be exhausted. You couldn't go out with all these people. So that's your problem. Let me come back at you. I'm going to be honest with you. Here's your medicine. You're getting ahead of yourself because you see a profile that checks a lot of boxes, and then the conversation disappoints you because you had hope for a profile that you made into more than it should have been. You're welcome. So that's. That's on you. That's not on. The bad profile people. The bad profile people thank them because you didn't waste your time going on a date with someone who was putting into chat GPT a conversation that made them sound like a good person for you. So why would someone think saying dating me is like breastfeeding is a good idea? That's not your problem. Again. Stop it. I. This. I. This isn't your blog. This is my podcast. You don't have to look at. I'm coming back. I. I don't mean to get mad at you, but this is. You're exhausting yourself. That is not for you. This is. That's not a treadmill for you to run on. You're going to be too tired to date with all your complaints about someone's prompts. See the prompt, hate the prompt, move on from the prom, done. Or when we're talking about similar interests, fitness, suddenly go, this conversation is boring. Can we switch? Yeah, this person stinks. They're not for you. Move on. If someone says that, that's a fun conversation to tell your friends. I know. I don't want those people to be fixed. I want those people to be living out loud on the app so that I know not to go out with them and then give. No idea. No new ideas besides sexting. Yeah, well, that's your fault for sticking around. If someone messages me. Hey, this conversation's boring. Can we switch to ta, ta, ta, bitch? You're sitting there going, well, what. What else would you like to talk about? Now you're the idiot. What are you. New ideas. Oh, we'll hit me with some new ideas. How about not? This isn't a brainstorming meeting. He said it's because he's looking for casual. Yeah, well, thank you. Thank you for letting me know. Goodbye, tata. So am I. So am I. That doesn't mean I forgot how to talk. Well, no, no, no. Your version of casual is different than the guy who goes on the dating app and says, hey, me. Hey, let me see those hot titties your casual is. Let's get a drink. Let's see if we vibe. Let's go out. Let's make sure that you're safe and wonderful and someone I can trust. His version of casual is meet me in that alley and bang me behind a dumpster, and then we'll figure out the rest later. Sorry to inform you, miss, that's not his casual. Your casual. Stop using the same definition for everybody. Make this an I story again. You're so stuck on them that you're not doing an I thing. So am I. That doesn't mean I forgot how to talk. I'd like to just meet men in person, but I don't know where to start, especially as someone sober who doesn't feel like sitting at a bar. Well, join. Join a gym. Join a fitness group, a run club. All of those things sound. No. Annoying, but they're places where people go. I would join. I would go out with my friends. That's my first. You know, again, joining a club by yourself. Scary. Going to the fitness stuff and you say you're into fitness. You wrote that? I'm not just saying that out of thin air. You said. Or when we're talking about similar interest. Fitness. I would go to. What's the thing where you. The. You get all the fitness classes you can. I would do that. But most of all, I would hang out with my friends. I'd like to meet a man in person, but I don't know where to start. Especially someone who's sober who doesn't feel like sitting at a bar. I would get out of this negativity land that you're in. Anyways, thanks for all the laughs. Always. The bad popcorn story really got to me. And congrats on the special. Well, thank you. They are a Patreon subscriber. See, I'm. I'm on. Listen, I'm okay losing their $5 by being hard with them. I'm honest with them. They want to meet people in person. To me right now, there's such a thing. 30 New York City, newly single. Let's stop with the app. I would tell them they're already too miserable for the app. They're already doing. The minute you start writing your opinion blog your op ed, that's the time to delete. I've been there. I have been there. You're talking to the right person. Delete the app. Hang out. I would zone in on three friends, single or not. Oh, well, they don't know anyone. They're. They're in relationships again. That's you being negative. Hang out with your friends. Hang out with friends. Make creates momentum. Go out for drinks with three of three different girlfriends, three different nights. Have them bring their husbands. Yup. That's a big part of my book Walking Red Flag. I'm showing it. If we're, there's a chance we're putting these on Spotify video, I don't know if we're doing that yet, but my book Walking Red Flag, it is a big piece of advice is the hangout with friends. Your friends, husbands, your friends, boyfriends are the lifeline to new men that are going to be watched by your friends. That this guy that's looking to be sexting two lines onto the dating app is watched by no one. That's why he's acting like a crazy person and asking you for casual when you've never even met. If you're looking for casual and you meet a friend of a friend, then they're being watched by your friend. They have to answer to them. So that's my advice for you. Get off the apps. Hang out with three different friends. If you, if you're saying no, try it. That's what I want you to do. I want you to right now, make plans with three different friends. If they have boyfriends or husbands, if they have girlfriends or wives, make it with the full group and then come back to me. Come Back to the doctor. J train podcast gmail.com J train podcast gmail.com I have sponsors. We have two sponsors, Wayfair and Joy Mode. Wayfair, like that's a simple one because I'm going to tell you right now, you might need furniture. If you're in the furniture world right now, that means you've moved or you're looking to redecorate a room in your place. You have a new apartment in New York City and you're looking to make it look more adult. 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That's W-A-Y-F-A-I R.com Wayfair every style, every home. We have a second sponsor I'll do after the next email. Also, I have shows. Salt Lake City this weekend. Salt Lake City. If you have a friend in the area, let them know about the show. The show's fun. It's going to be funny. I love wise guys. It's been a while since I've been back. Also Tempe, La Vegas, West Hampton Beach. I've added a bunch of cities. Portland, Maine. Very excited to go to Portland, Maine. A place for my childhood. They never told me to call them. Oh, so this is a two pager. I went to the wrong page. Had a strange interaction with my newish boyfriend's parents after meeting them for the first time last week that left me feeling uneasy. Okay. I've got strange parents who are annoying, so I might be considered an expert in this. I, 31, female, have been dating my boyfriend, 33. I'll call him Brian McDonald. Okay, that's very specific. Okay. Okay. For five months. So you're, you're 31, he's 33, dating for five months. You gave him the name Brian McDonald, which sounds very specific, but we'll, we'll assume that's a fake name. I, I would have to. Things have been going really well, so I was excited when he invited me to spend a weekend with him and his parents at their mountain timeshare. That's fun. Love it. That's a good sign. Bringing you into again to go back to the last email where I'm talking about having eyes on people. You know, there's this thing, there's this, there's alley dates and there's Main street dates. This is a, this is as Main street as it gets. Meeting the parents at the mountain house where they have a timeshare when we arrived, his mom says, great to meet you, Amy. Not my real name. Okay, Brian McDonald. Amy. Then they shook my hand and introduced themselves as Mr. And Mrs. McDonald. Okay. It's making more sense why she gave a fake full name. Okay. Very casual like that is Just how they introduce themselves. Brian didn't react and just continued the conversation like it was normal. At first I assumed it was a joke, but it continued a couple times over the weekend when they referred to each other as Mr. Or Mrs. McDonald's when speaking to me, dad, did you. And she gives an example. Did you need help finding something? Me looking for a hair dryer, dad. Ask Mrs. McDonald. She has one. Later, his mom said, can you tell Mr. McDonald we may want to. Later, his mom said, can you tell Mr. McDonald we may want to leave 15 minutes early so we can see the band? Okay. They never told me to call them that directly, but it felt implied. So I mostly avoided using names. Otherwise, they were pleasant and welcoming. But the formality put my guard up because I could not tell what expectations were attached to it. I think, listen, I'm happy you wrote in to this podcast and I'm. And I know I'm going to continue this email. I find nothing wrong. And listen, I'm. My parents are Kim and Jerry. They have been to every one of my friends my whole life. I have other friends in my life whose parents have been Mr. And Mrs. McDonald. As you describe here. They. I don't think that is them telling you, hey, that's I, I don't take that as a stiff arm to you getting closer to them. And it seems like that's how you're taking it at f you assumed it was a joke. They shook my head and introduced themselves as Mr. And Mrs. McDonald. There are some people where this is the norm. I, I, I, I, this isn't. It's not like they said, hey, I'm Mr. And Mrs. Fart. Like, this isn't so crazy to me. I understand where you're nervous, you're five months in, you want to be hugged and brought in the family, and you want the mom to go, she's the best. I love her. Marry her. But that, I think, is an expectation that is not realistic. I think you're setting yourself up for emotional failure here when they have you in their home at their mountain house during a timeshare, they, they don't even have this house all year long. They're using one of their precious weekends to have you over. I think that's like really nice and wonderful and the formality of it every. Different folks, different strokes. So I mostly avoided using names. Otherwise, they were pleasant and welcoming. I think they're still pleasant and welcoming even though they're Mr. And Mrs. McDonald. But the formality put my guard up because I could not Tell what expectations were attached to it. I think the expectations are for you to call them Mr. And Mrs. McDonald and be respectful of their, their wish because they're the parents. I'm 31. Well into my career, the last adults I called Mr. Or Mrs. Were my high school teachers. In most adult environments, people use first names. What bothers me is that I cannot find a clear reason for it. They are not from a culture where this is typical and do not seem particularly formal otherwise. I, I think you've made assumptions. I mean, the culture thing would, so this would be okay with you? Like, I, I, I don't know. I, I, I'm, I'm going to give you some feedback here. I think you've gotten ahead of yourself and you've made assumptions that are not really, are not going to be helpful for you. Because of that. Part of me wonders if it reflects a family dynamic where older family members expect authority or deference. I have dealt with extended family like that before, and it became toxic over time. At the same time, it could be just a weird family quirk. And I really like Brian, so I do not want to overreact. I think you've already overreacted. I, I not. Well, you've emailed this podcast, so you have an overreaction. You, you're, you're taking stock of this. You're wondering if you're being too much with this, and I would say you are. Is it reasonable for parents to expect this level of formality from their adult child's partner in their 30s? I think it is. I think it's a form of respect to some people. To some people, it makes no difference. Am I overthinking this? Yeah. So I, I don't, I think you're overthinking this. And how would you suggest bringing it up to Brian? I think if you're gonna bring it up to Brian, it has to be jocular. It has to be fun. Like, hey, I didn't expect you to be from a family that's a Mr. And Mrs. Family. That is, to me, the fun part of getting to know your partner and then him saying, wait a minute, your parents go by first names. Is that okay? He might have been brought up on. That's just not how it goes in his house. And that's totally fine. I think we can respect. To me, what you're doing is very 2026, and I don't mean to go in this direction, but it's giving me like a pang in my, in my brain. I'm getting a Sensation, this whole idea that because I've seen it this way with this group of people, that means if this other group of people does it like that group of people, they must be the same and they must be on that side and I'm on this side and we can never coexist. And I think you're wrong to do that. I think that's going to set you up for failure, going to set you up for only being around the same people with the same opinions. I, I understand that you have a family dynamic where older, like, you've dealt with extended family like that before, but your extended family who goes by Mr. And Mrs. Smith has nothing to do with his family that goes by Mr. And Mrs. McDonald. Yes. There's a Venn diagram where they have certain things in common in the middle. But that's not to say that they have everything in common. And because they go by Mr. And Mrs. McDonald's, you're going to have to like, bow to them every time you walk in the room and that you're not allowed to have an opinion or be your own person. I think that's, I think you've gone a step too far. So I, I, I have to say you're overthinking this. In my opinion, if I brought it up to my spouse or my boyfriend or my girlfriend, it would be in a fun, like, I'm curious. I think curiosity is way better than I've come to these assumptions. And I just assume Anyone who uses Mr. And Mrs. McDonald must be someone who, who thinks being older means that I have to agree with everything they say and that they have some sort of power over me. I think you've gone to a negative place based on your experience. I get it. We all do that. We all make judgments. I'm not saying you can't make a judgment. Wow, they're a little bit, they're a little bit up their own ass. That's different than what you wrote. It reflects a family dynamic where older families, family members, expect authority or deference. I mean, I respect older people. You know, I, I think if you're to a point, you know, if someone treated me like there'd be a point where we'd have an adult conversation. But when someone's older and they're my girlfriend or boyfriend's parents, yeah, I'm going to respect them and I'm going to have a little bit of class and I'm going to wait to give my opinion and I'm going to be a little bit slower and kind of hold Back a little bit out of respect for my spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. I think if you're thinking if your way of going about life is to say no one has authority over me, I don't care who they are or what they are or what they've done and they better. You know, I think you're going through life in a, a really combative way. So I, I don't. I think that'd be exhausting. So is it reasonable for parents to expect this level of formality from their adult child's partner in their 30s? It's funny that you take no, there's to you, there's no credibility for being older, but because you're older, you don't want to have to abide by their rules. You use age to make this judgment, but then you're mad at them for using their age for having this formality. I don't know. It, it, it seems a little bit hypocritical. But more to the point, I think ha be you go by there's a respect factor. If, if a parent said, I'm Mr. McDonald, nice to meet you, Mr. McDonald, pleasure. If it came up with my girlfriend, I'd be like, hey, I didn't really expect your parents to be, you know, Mr. And Mrs. I. Has that been your whole life? I'd have questions. I think that's the way to go. Be curious. Curiosity. You are allowed to judge everyone I've ever met that goes by Mr. And Mrs. Is a little bit anal. Should I expect that from your parents? Is this how they are? Did they do this with your friends growing up? That can be a fun conversation that doesn't have to be related to your family that goes by Mr. And Mrs. That you have a bad dynamic with that. I think you've related too many things. I think you've a lot. You've basically filled up that center of the Venn diagram in a way that is too much too soon. Jtrain podcastmail.com jtrain podcastmail.com you don't have to go to a doctor to get some help in the bedroom. Boost your sexual performance naturally with Joy Mode. Here's how it works. Joy Mode supports nitric oxide in your body to help increase circulation. Increased circulation means increased skin sexual performance. Just tear open a Joy Mode packet and mix with 8 ounces of water. Take it anywhere from 45 minutes to 4 hours before sex. I have used Joy Mode. I've enjoyed it. I think besides, I did feel a difference. But I would also say mentally it was fun to do with a partner. It was cool to like, have that little extra zing of, oh, we, we're doing something different. I think it acts actually like, helps you and a partner talk a little bit more. We took the Joy Mode. We're gonna go out. You know, you can look at each other from across the room. You're at a party. Oh, they're all jacked up on Joy Mode. We're gonna go back and, you know, and. And grab each other like animals. Take Joy Mode daily for better circulation performance system wide, 83% of men taking Joy Mode daily notice a boost in sexual performance. If you want to support sexual performance the same way you would support training and recovery naturally and intelligently, Joy Mode has a deal for J Train fans. Go to tryjoymode.com jtrain or enter jtrain at checkout for 202020 off joy mode, the pre workout for blood flow. I love that. I love that we can help our listeners in the bedroom. J train podcast gmail.com as I take a sip of my coffee. Subscribe to the show. I'm going to start doing video on Spotify. I mentioned that earlier. I went to south by Southwest and had some interesting conversations about video. You know, we're trying to grow. I've always been trying to grow this show. I've always felt it was a fun, good show that should be listened to by more people. I would love for that to happen. So we'd love for you to share. Tell a friend. Come to a show. The YouTube. We. We're putting stuff on YouTube every Saturday. The Boston show. We went to Mike's Pastries and I went to. Where else did I go? We. We did a whole. There's a part two of the Boston vlog and it's on my YouTube right now. V's doing a great job putting those out every Saturday. Jared is our last email today. If I'm texting with a guy about meeting up and I offer a few different places around the city and his response is, basically, I'm good with whatever, should I read that as a warning sign? Yeah, I mean, I'm good with whatever. I. I guess my advice to you is you're writing to me that you felt let down by their response and their lack of excitement, I think that's a good enough reason to be like, hey, if I'm. I don't want to, like, plan my own hookup with someone who doesn't care to hook up with me. And I just hate that response. I think that's an okay thing to Say back. Hey, I hate that response. I want to negotiate with you. Where I'm pumped to come see you and I'm offering to, like, meet up. I. Oh, but I guess this doesn't. This could be just a date. I even mentioned that it might rain, and instead of picking one of the spots I suggested, he said something like, let's see how the weather looks. End it. Don't go out. None of the places were outside, so that confused me a bit. Since we live in different parts of the city, one of us will have to travel anyways, so I figured offering options was helpful. But he won't. When he won't make a. But when he won't make a call or contribute anything to the plan, it starts to feel like the effort is coming from my side. It starts to feel like all the effort is coming from my. Yeah, I. I'm with you. This is annoying. You're trying to get excited about a date. That's the thing about dating apps and meeting up with people. None of us want to leave the house. None of us want to go out. None of us want to leave our comfy cozies. None of us want to be on a bad date. So get me excited about the date with you. In the way that I'm showing excitement about a day with you, is that just someone being easygoing or is it a sign that he's not very interested? This feels like a big deal breaker. Here's. Here's my feedback to you. How you wrote the question is your problem in dating is that just someone being easygoing or is it a sign he's not very invested? Those things are not your problem. This feels like a big deal breaker. This feels like a big deal breaker. Is all that matters. If someone writes back to you, hey, I'll go wherever you pick the place. And you say. And you say, well, this kind of sucks. I'm not even attracted. I wouldn't go out with them. You're already. You're already playing behind. You're already playing catch up. I wouldn't go out with them. I. I think. And also admitting I'm not looking for someone easygoing who doesn't care who we go on a date. I want someone who makes a plan. That's okay. Start speaking an eye. I want some. And there's people out there in your life, the people that you're friends with. The reason that you're coming here to a random guy in Delray for advice is because your friends will go. Just go try. Come on. Go on. The date because they don't want to hear from you anymore. They're tired of you. They don't care that you're single. They're in repeats with you. They've heard this story before, they're sick of it. So they want you to go on the date and come back with a fun new story. Even if it's bad, if it's good, it won't even be as entertaining to them. So people will push you on this date because they go, you, you'll never know. You know, I would rather in a world with dating apps where you're probably meeting this person. But you said you live in I think you said you live in New York City, but you live in a city. We live in different parts of the city. You live in a city. A city means lots of people, means lots of options. You don't need this person. You have enough options there to say you're not in small town Iowa with one street light where there's three men to choose from and one of them is your grandfather. You are in a major city for a reason. To meet people who are like minded and fun and get you a little wet. So this guy has dried you up. It's time to say ta Ta. And I think this whole thing of like try, well you did match and you are attracted and oh, I don't like anyone I ever meet so I gotta go on this day. I think that's exhausting people. I think that's ruining your dating experience. This is supposed to be fun but you're got the problem with the dating apps and with more people is that you have a lot of not fun speed bumps in the way. So hey, I'm really turned off by how this planning has gone. I really wish you the best but it doesn't feel like a match for me. I'm gonna move on. That's what I would text them. Jtrain podcastmail.com we're here every Monday with the mailbag. Monday. Keep sending your emails. Jtrain podcastmail.com back next week. Bo.