The Knife: A True Crime Podcast

Episode: "Am I Dating You?"

Date: October 23, 2025
Hosts: Hannah Smith & Pasha Eaton
Guest: Alec Kouros

Episode Overview

In this episode, Hannah Smith and Pasha Eaton interview Alec Kouros, a Canadian professor whose identity has been hijacked for nearly two decades by online romance scammers (“catfishers”)—with devastating effects for both himself and hundreds (if not thousands) of unwitting victims. The conversation explores the evolution of online identity fraud, how Alec’s images and family were used in scams, the emotional toll on all parties, and the ways AI and technology have shifted the landscape of online deception. The episode is empathetic, candid, and solution-focused, with a sobering look at the ripple effects of crime in the digital age.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. How It Began: Alec’s Introduction to Being "Catfished"

• Era of Early Social Media ([04:43]–[07:08])
  Alec recalls the open nature of Facebook and other platforms in 2007, when sharing and privacy settings were not top of mind.

  “Back then, I didn’t really care about who posted on my Facebook. The settings were quite open... you just weren’t thinking about that sort of thing.”
  — Alec Kouros [04:43]

• The First Incident
  Alec was confronted by a public Facebook post from a woman in North Carolina accusing him of infidelity. His wife and brother contacted him, confused and upset over public accusations on his wall.

  “Suddenly, someone’s posting on your public Facebook wall that you have been cheating on your wife…”
  — Hannah Smith [08:12]

• Alec and his family quickly realized the accusation was unfounded but remained confused and shaken.

2. From Mere Prank to Pattern: Realizing It Was Identity Fraud

• Alec initially dismissed the episode as an isolated prank ([10:10]–[11:19]), but over the next few years, he began receiving weekly, then daily, then multiple daily contacts from strangers:

  “...it was literally thousands that I basically had to sort out with, and it became a huge burden on my time, on my mental health…”
  — Alec [12:00]

• Victims (overwhelmingly women) would reach out confused, angry, or heartbroken, believing they were in a relationship with Alec, or trying to warn him his photos were being misused ([12:58]–[13:39]).

3. How Online Scammers Exploited Alec’s Identity

• Scammer Methods

  • Used his name and images to create plausible personas.
  • Created fake social media accounts for Alec’s family (even children, deceased father, mother) to deepen credibility ([21:44]–[22:18]).
  • Used Skype, email, and even “family members” to establish trust with victims.

  “They would connect a bunch of fake profiles so it looks like this person is a real person with a real daughter and so on… So this really, really puts the nails in the coffin in terms of, like, someone’s belief…”
  — Alec [22:18]

• Impact on Family:
  Alec shares the emotional toll, guilt, and disgust knowing images of his children and family are exploited:

  “It’s gross. Thinking of my children’s photos and images being used in these scams... My family’s identities were perpetrated and... that made me carry a lot of guilt around this.”
  — Alec [22:18]

• Compromising Victims:
  Some victims lost houses, life savings, or were so emotionally invested they retained hope Alec would reciprocate their feelings, despite the truth.

4. Responding to the Crisis: Alec’s Actions to Warn and Help

• Making His Life More Private ([19:18]–[21:44]):

  • Locked photos and reconsidered sharing family images.
  • Balanced privacy against visibility—making it possible for scam victims to track him down and learn the truth.

• Battling the Platforms ([25:53]–[29:27]):

  • Repeatedly reported fake Facebook profiles.
  • Facebook’s inconsistent enforcement—would remove profiles only if both name and photo matched.
  • Used reverse image search to find instances of misuse.

• Creating an FAQ Website
  Provided victims with confirmed information, reputable news articles, and his own story to help them verify reality before contacting him ([29:12]–[29:27]).

  “It was just simply: if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you may have been fallen victim to someone [using my photo] … Before you contact me angry or upset, read these things over.”
  — Alec [29:27]

5. Changing Tactics: The Age of AI and Deepfakes

• AI Has Changed the Scamming World ([35:48]–[38:46]):

  • Now, scammers can generate hyper-realistic images, deepfakes, and live video—no longer reliant on real people's photos.
  • Alec has seen a “huge drop-off” in cases using his image, as AI-generated faces are “safer” for scammers.

  “If I was a scammer, I wouldn’t be using anyone’s photos. That’s kind of the silliest way to do these things. You’re gonna get caught.”
  — Alec [56:01]

• The Difficulty of Disclosure: Some scam victims still hope for a real relationship, and a small proportion reach out to Alec with romantic overtures even after learning they’ve been scammed ([13:39]).

6. Victims on Both Sides & The Organized ‘Scripting’ of Scams

• Scammers are often part of organized international criminal enterprises, with some “foot soldiers” forced to scam for survival ([39:25]–[41:41]).
• Sometimes former scam victims become perpetrators themselves as part of a broader criminal network ([41:05]).
• Vulnerable demographics (e.g., widowed, elderly, highly religious) are especially targeted, with information harvested from Facebook profiles and even games like Words with Friends ([43:53]).

7. Systemic Failure & Spread of Scams

• Law enforcement is often powerless due to jurisdiction and difficulty in prosecuting cross-border crime ([42:41]).
• Social and family shame isolates victims—making recovery harder, sometimes causing them to hide rather than report what happened ([63:33]–[64:09]).

8. “Could This Happen to Me?”: The Universality of Online Scams

• Highly educated people—professors, professionals—have all fallen victim, not for a lack of intelligence but due to sophisticated psychological manipulation ([64:09]–[66:15]).

• Deep emotional pain and trust issues can outweigh even large financial losses for victims:

  “The common response from many of these victims is like, the money, I’ll deal with it. What I can’t live with is my broken heart.”
  — Alec [57:59]

9. How Technology Could Help (But Hasn’t Yet)

• Potential Solutions:

  • Verified profiles, biometrics, improved AI for detecting fake accounts.
  • But: These collide with privacy and free speech concerns ([52:32]), as well as platform incentives (e.g., reporting high user numbers).

• Need for Education and Regulation:

  • Education is the most urgent and feasible response, but lags behind technological advances.
  • Meaningful regulation is unlikely to keep pace with AI-fueled innovation ([47:20]–[50:14]).

  “The genie is out of the bottle... If you can speak in terms of what you want, you can have what you want. And it’s scary.”
  — Alec [47:20]

10. Memorable Stories: Personal Impact on the Hosts

• Pasha’s Story: Pasha recounts how her grandfather (“Poppy”) was nearly duped by a “grandchild in jail” scam, triggering deep anxiety and guilt, even though no money was lost ([73:54]–[77:47]).
• Recent Deepfake Example:
  Story of a YouTuber whose likeness was used in a deepfake video to scam buyers for expensive tables ([79:14]–[79:38]).

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "It wasn't just my identity, it's... photos they had were me with my children, and with my partner, and with my parents."
  — Alec Kouros [12:58]

• “All these people also gave me the fake profiles, because it was really hard to find, like, if I'm looking for my face... until Google brought in a tool called Reverse Image Search...”
  — Alec [25:59]

• “The betrayal is not about money. The betrayal is about like, I've spent months or even years... I've given you my heart, I've given you... some of the best years of my life.”
  — Alec [57:59]

• “There’s a need for many people... to be able to speak anonymously... So, if we fix [verified dating], we might make it harder for people who need anonymity.”
  — Alec [52:32]

• “They're very good. And it's the scripts they share… They know psychology better than most psychology grads will understand..."
  — Alec [65:22]

• “The web is us, it's life, it's beauty... I often use the hashtag #shinyhappyinternet...”
  — Alec [55:10]

Estimated Scope of Harm

• Alec believes over a million dollars have been stolen using his identity, but notes that as little as 5% of cases are reported to him—suggesting real losses could be $3–$10 million ([62:14]–[68:31]).

Timeline / Timestamps for Important Segments

• Alec describes first incident: [04:43]–[08:12]
• Recognition of growing problem: [12:00]
• Types of victim communications, emotional impact: [13:39]–[16:52]
• Scam tactics using family/fake profiles: [21:44]–[22:18]
• Privacy trade-offs & family guilt: [19:18]–[25:13]
• Struggles with Facebook and platform inaction: [25:53]–[29:27]
• AI shifts in scamming tactics: [35:48]–[38:46], [56:01]
• Organized crime/scripting: [39:25]–[41:41]
• Lack of legal recourse: [42:41]
• Victims’ emotional pain vs. financial loss: [57:59]–[64:09]
• Scope of estimated financial harm: [62:14]–[68:31]
• Host Pasha’s personal story: [73:54]–[77:47]
• Technological and regulatory solutions, and their challenges: [47:20], [52:32]

Tone and Takeaways

The episode is earnest, empathetic, and solution-oriented, filled with practical and emotional wisdom for those affected by online fraud. It balances alarm at the evolving threat of AI-powered scams with calls for education, awareness, and communal support. Both hosts and guest stress that anyone can fall victim, and that shame should not silence or blame those impacted. The conversation leaves the listener with both caution and compassion, and a sense of the deep complexities shaping crime in the digital age.

If you or someone you know has been affected by online romance scams, know that you are not alone—and that it can happen to anyone. Stay informed, verify before trusting online strangers, and seek support if you’ve been targeted.