The Knife: A True Crime Podcast

Special Episode: It’s Worse Than We Thought
Date: November 4, 2025
Host: Patia Eaton (Hannah Smith returns next week)
Featured Guest Story: Allen, as interviewed by Jake Deptula of the “Love Lust Fear” podcast (episode collaboration)

Episode Overview

This gripping special episode features Allen, a woman who found herself swept into a whirlwind online romance—only to discover a web of deception, manipulation, and betrayal. Through first-person storytelling and compassionate interviewing, the episode explores the ripple effects of toxic relationships, the subtle workings of emotional abuse and gaslighting, and the journey to reclaiming self-worth after devastating heartbreak. Allen’s cautionary tale is told in her own words, punctuated by candid questions and reflections from Jake Deptula.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Allen’s Background and Entrance into Online Dating

• Chronic illness: Allen describes a childhood and young adulthood shaped by chronic illness, which left her feeling isolated and “missing out” on dating and social milestones.
• Online dating as opportunity: In her mid-20s, after personal growth and health improvements, Allen tries dating apps to expand beyond a small hometown social circle.
  • “I felt like, well, if I’ve waited this long, I’m going to be picky. I have a standard. I know the type of person I was looking for.” [05:23]
• Relocation and adventure: Moves location on apps to Montana, seeking a fresh start.
  • “I loved it out there. I was open to coming back.” [05:23]

2. The Whirlwind Romance

• Initial connection: Allen is initially put off by “dream woman” messages, but decides to be open.
  • “He was charming, charismatic, attentive … he was all the things that I hadn’t experienced in conversations prior.” [05:23]
• Red flags ignored: Within a week, the man professes love, speaks of children; Allen feels flattered more than alarmed.
  • “Within less than a week, he told me that he loved me ... I felt honestly like it was flirty and harmless.” [05:23]

3. Escalation of Involvement — Families, Commitments, and Control

• Meeting families quickly: She’s ushered into his family gatherings; these familial ties are emotionally significant for Allen.
• Rapid progression: Discussions of marriage, children, moving in together, and even ring shopping — all within a few months.
  • “We had talked about marriage before ... not just ‘where do you want to go for dinner’ type of relationship.” [26:09]
  • “It comes out ... ‘Would you marry me?’ And I said yes. And he’s crying, he’s so just elated.” [26:09]
• Family and secrecy: Only his sister is told about the engagement — Allen is uncomfortable with having to keep it secret.
  • “He worked me, worked me, worked me, until we’re sitting on FaceTime calling his sister…” [26:09]

4. The Shadow of the Ex — Lies, Excuses, and Manipulation

• First clues: Family members (his mother) and household evidence allude to the ongoing presence of an ex-girlfriend.
  • “So it went from ‘I’m single’ to ‘she has stuff here,’ to ‘I hear her in the background one night.’” [05:23]
• Gaslighting and shifting narratives: The story about the ex keeps changing (she’s moving out, she’s refusing to leave, etc.)
• Emotional manipulation: Allen is made to feel like an ally against the ex — “team against this person.”
  • “He would become distraught that I was distraught ... I felt like we were kind of on a team against this person...” [26:09]

5. Breakdown and Revelations — The Darkening Relationship

• Withdrawal and shifting behavior: After initial intensity, his attention becomes unstable — more missed calls, more excuses.
• Allen as caretaker: She becomes the one making arrangements to help him leave his supposed “crazy” ex, but the ex never disappears.
• Discovery of physical evidence: Under his bed, Allen finds women’s lingerie — he blames the ex for “planting it.”
  • “I was on his floor and I started sobbing and said, how stupid am I?...” [26:09]
  • (Sister enables the deception): “She said, ‘That woman is evil…you rise above it ... throw it back in her room, and have a good weekend together.’” [26:09]

6. Betrayal and Collapse – The Unraveling

• Sudden breakup: He abruptly ends things via text, blocks Allen, and becomes unreachable while physically nearby.
  • “He texted me and said, ‘Hey, I ... think I need some time.’ ... I called and he didn’t answer. And I looked and his location was gone.” [50:56]
• Contact from the ex: Allen receives a message from the ex-girlfriend, learning she too is engaged to him, and there are other women.
  • “‘He’s my boyfriend, but also my fiancé…He’s cheating on both of us and many other women.’” [56:55]
• Showdown: Allen confronts him in person; he finally confesses to overlapping relationships and lies.
  • Allen: “You’ve been seeing her? ... And you’ve been also cheating on both of us then with other women?”
  • Him: “Yep.” [56:55]

7. Aftermath — Shock, Reflection, and Healing

• Betrayal’s impact: Both Allen’s and his families are reeling. Allen is left questioning her judgment and reality.
  • “‘How you use people is sick. I think that you are sick ... You promised me a life ... it meant nothing.’” [56:55]
• Community and support: Multiple families affected; Allen fills in relatives about the truth.
• Therapy and moving forward: Allen credits weekly therapy with helping her process the trauma—though she admits, in retrospect, even her therapist didn’t know the full extent.
  • “In retrospect ... I didn’t even recognize as being extremely wrong, that I didn’t tell her until after everything happened…” [66:49]
• Intuition and limbo: Her mother observes Allen never actually packed, despite planning the move, suggesting an unconscious hesitation.
  • “You did everything ... but you never actually packed a single thing...” [68:43]
• Allen’s new purpose: Turns to creating a podcast to share survivor stories and raise awareness about relationship trauma.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Love Bombing & Initial Red Flags

• Allen, on early rapid escalation:
  • “Within less than a week, he told me that he loved me. That was right after our first FaceTime, within probably 20 minutes of us getting off the phone.” [03:05, 05:23]
• Describing manipulation:
  • “He would become distraught that I was distraught ... I felt like we were kind of on a team against this person who if you could just go away, it would be so much easier.” [26:09]

Discovery & Denial

• On finding the lingerie:
  • “I texted him and I said, why is there lingerie under your bed? And he responded and said, why are you going through all my things?...He backtracks and says ... she would just throw that in there. She knows that you’re around ... she would totally put those in there.” [26:09]

The Breakup and Ultimate Deception

• On the breakup message:
  • “He texted me and said, ‘Hey, I ... think I need some time.’ ... I called and he didn’t answer. And I looked and his location was gone. And I knew, I'm not gonna call you again. You know what you’re doing.” [50:56]
• Message from ex:
  • “He’s my boyfriend, but also my fiancé ... he’s cheating on both of us and many other women ... Here, he is if you want to talk to him.” [56:55]
• Confronting him:
  • Allen: “So, is this true? ... And you’ve been also cheating on both of us then with other women?”
    Him: “Yep.” [56:55]
  • Allen: “Do you realize that you’ve devastated two families completely?” [56:55]

Aftermath & Reflection

• On intuition and trusting herself:
  • “My mom brought this up. She said, you know, I noticed that you never actually packed to move ... I just think knowing you ... that was kind of odd ... I think you kind of knew that you weren’t going to do it or that you were maybe waiting for something.” [68:43]
• On healing and purpose:
  • “Allen has found a powerful outlet in creating a podcast ... to support those navigating similar challenges and help them find their own path to healing.” [69:53]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:05–05:23] — Allen describes meeting her partner, early love bombing, and swift escalation.
• [05:23–26:09] — Engagement with families, manipulation about the ex-girlfriend, red flags escalating.
• [26:09–48:17] — Gaslighting intensifies, Allen tries to “help” him leave his ex, finds physical evidence.
• [50:56–56:55] — Sudden breakup, Allen receives revelation from the ex-girlfriend, faces the depth of betrayal.
• [56:55–64:34] — Allen confronts him; he confirms everything; she copes with the aftermath and informs families.
• [64:41–69:53] — Allen reflects on why she stayed, the role of therapy, recognizing her own hesitations, and her healing process.

Final Themes

• Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting: Highlighting how abusers flip narratives, play victim, and recruit allies (even family) to maintain control.
• Survivor’s Guilt and Self-Blame: Allen’s journey involves moving from shame and self-doubt toward self-compassion and understanding.
• The Power of Community and Storytelling: By the end, Allen determines to use her experience to raise awareness and support other survivors.
• Raising Awareness about Hidden Abuse: The episode serves as both a cautionary tale and a testament to the resilience and hope possible even after devastating betrayal.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788.