The Kristen Boss Podcast

Episode 243: "Coaching Is Not What You Think: The Truth About Real Transformation"
Date: December 16, 2025
Host: Kristen Boss
Guests: Sondera Coaches (Karen, Chuck, Nina, Dan)

Episode Overview

In this special panel episode, host Kristen Boss is joined by several core coaches from her company Sondera—Karen, Chuck, Nina, and Dan—for a candid conversation about what real coaching and transformation look like. Together, they dismantle misconceptions about life and performance coaching, discuss the unique approach taken at Sondera, and share moving client stories. The conversation delves into trauma, the difference between therapy and coaching, the process and tools used at Sondera, and why sustainable change is far more nuanced—and achievable—than most people think.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet the Sondera Coaches

[03:55–21:35]

• Karen (ICF Certified Business & Executive Coach):
  • Loves coaching on mindset, confidence, and clarity, especially for business owners.
  • Notes Sondera’s unique toolbox with extensive resources clients can access 24/7.
  • Emphasizes holistic client care: "Because we know how you do anything is how you do everything." ([04:40], Karen)
• Chuck (ICF Certified Life Coach):
  • Drawn to coaching after realizing he hated “the default life”—the rut of routine existence without intention or design.
  • Philosophy: Intentional design leads to lives of purpose and contentment.
  • Quote: “If you’re wonky at home, you’re going to take that to work and vice versa.” ([08:51], Chuck)
• Nina (Trauma-Informed Life Coach):
  • Experienced in mindset coaching but realized change requires understanding trauma and nervous system patterns.
  • Reframes “trauma” as any overwhelming event that shapes our patterns, not just “big T” trauma.
  • “Trauma isn’t what happens to us; it’s what happens inside of us.” ([15:03], Nina)
• Dan (Former Military, Leadership Coach):
  • Came from advocacy and resiliency training in the Army, now focuses on empowering leaders to challenge themselves.
  • Value of pushing comfort zones and building self-confidence in decision-making.

2. What Makes Sondera Coaching Unique?

[04:40–12:38]

• Intensive vetting, diverse coach backgrounds, and collaborative philosophy (“we” not “I”).
• Multi-disciplinary resources (marriage, health, corporate, family) and both somatic and mindset tools.
• Clients get a supportive “dashboard” with ongoing access to materials, guided exercises, and coaching resources.
• Focus on holistic growth, not just performance metrics.

3. Demystifying Coaching: Addressing Misconceptions

[21:35–38:19]

• Many people see coaching as “soft”, “woo woo”, or just for women.
• Coaching is often misunderstood as therapy, when in fact it’s focused on growth and agency for already-functioning individuals.
• For men in particular, coaching can be seen as “not for them”—host and panel call this out as false.
• Quote: “People come in thinking we’re going to fix them... but the beauty of coaching is helping people see that they are the problem and the solution.” ([30:18], Karen)

4. Trauma, Adaptive Patterns, and True Change

[13:23–18:21, 38:19–48:13]

• Nina explains how even “minor” events can wire us into subconscious patterns that become our automatic, default responses.
• Understanding our nervous system responses (“fight, flight, freeze, or fawn”) is essential for shame-free growth.
• Key coaching task: help clients accept and compassionately address their survival patterns, rather than judge or “kill off” parts of themselves.
• Kristen: “Most people approach personal development from an ‘I just need to fix myself’ space instead of an ‘I need to understand myself so I can partner with myself better’ space.” ([33:09], Kristen)

5. Coaching ≠ Therapy, Friends, or Babysitting

[38:19–46:34]

• Coaches are not there to “rescue”, to be friends, or to do the work for a client.
• Progress is built on honest reflection, not rumination or externalization.
• Coaches are trained to risk the “good opinion” of clients by holding up a mirror—reflecting hard truths and supporting honest growth.
• Powerful analogy: “A problem well defined is half solved already.” ([42:12], Chuck)
• “Bring your whole self, not your perfected self, to the conversation, and let’s see where it leads.” ([43:59], Chuck)

6. Sondera’s Unique Structure: Frameworks and Assessments

[46:34–55:12]

• Clients move through a defined framework: identify values, uncover patterns, clarify desires, and measure progress.
• Ongoing assessments track genuine change—emotional regulation, stress management, boundaries, and more.
• Growth is measured not just in external outcomes, but in shifts in self-compassion and resilience.
• Assessment example: A client moves from a self-rated 16/50 to 39/50 on emotional regulation, not by changing circumstances but by changing her self-relationship.
• Quote: “We never use the tools to weaponize against ourselves. We always use it as a form of awareness and data.” ([51:44], Kristen)

7. Real Client Transformation Stories

[55:13–65:41]

• Karen: Client who came for time management learned to set boundaries and honor her own values rather than people-pleasing; “What would Coach Karen say?” became her mantra. ([58:03], Karen)
• Nina: Military vet left corporate, discovered how living outside her own values created discomfort—aligning with personal values unlocked change. ([56:10], Nina)
• Dan: Executive leader went from lacking confidence and overwork to delegating, communicating more openly, and giving more presence to his family. ([62:38], Dan)
• Chuck: Client with unsolvable challenges (special needs child, financial/health obstacles) increased emotional regulation not by changing circumstances, but by changing self-perception: “I found my voice.” ([49:05], Chuck)

8. The Heart of Coaching: Co-Regulation, Self-Trust, and Ownership

• Much of coaching is about helping clients rebuild broken self-trust and shorten the time they spend “stuck” in patterns, with compassion and skilled questioning.
• “Coaches aren’t your friends… Coaches will say to you, ‘Where else are you outsourcing your stuff? Who are you trusting when you’re not trusting yourself?’” ([36:01], Nina)
• Effort and willingness matter more than perfection; “If you bring effort, we’ll bring our excellence.” ([38:19], Kristen)
• The real work is creating safety, not just surface-level improvement.

9. The Power of Reflection, Community, and the ‘Brain Trust’ Analogy

[65:41–end]

• Drawing on the Pixar “brain trust,” Kristen compares coaches to those who protect and uphold the true story when clients are lost in the weeds of their own lives.
• The work is less about “fixing” and more about partnering, mirroring, and asking better questions for deeper, more lasting change.
• Final encouragement: “You are always worth it... If you’re ready to write a different story, we want to support you with compassion and curiosity.” ([66:48], Kristen)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Karen: “We’re not here for therapy. We’re here to take someone that’s doing okay, but they want to do great.” ([04:40])
• Chuck: “People will know what we teach, but they’ll become who we are. ...We’ll reproduce who we are.” ([27:13])
• Nina: “Trauma isn’t what happens to us—it’s what happens inside of us.” ([15:03])
• Kristen: “Most people approach personal development from that ‘I just need to fix myself’ space... Instead of, ‘I need to understand myself so I can partner with myself better.’” ([33:09])
• Dan: “It’s a conversation. We help get to the root of what it is that you want...Uncover those dreams and help you build a plan.” ([26:01])
• Chuck: “A problem well-defined is half solved already.” ([42:12])
• Kristen: “Bring your effort, bring willingness. We will match you with our excellence.” ([38:19])
• Karen: “What would coach Karen say?” ([58:15])

Important Segment Timestamps

• [03:55] - Coaches introduce themselves and specialties
• [04:40] - Karen on Sondera’s unique resources and approach
• [07:42]–[12:38] - Chuck on “default life” vs. life by design
• [13:23]–[18:21] - Nina on trauma, adaptive personality patterns
• [21:35]–[30:07] - Demystifying coaching and the male perspective
• [30:18]–[38:19] - Coaching as facilitation, not fixing; personal responsibility
• [46:34]–[55:12] - Sondera’s frameworks, process, and assessments
• [55:13]–[65:41] - Coach client wins: time management, values alignment, executive impact
• [65:41]–end - Kristen on the Pixar “brain trust,” why coaching is ultimately about rewriting your own story

Tone and Language

True to Kristen Boss’s “vulnerable, unfiltered” style and the coaches' candid authenticity. The dialogue seamlessly blends professional depth with warmth, humor, and humanity, balancing directness and encouragement.

For Listeners New to Coaching:

This episode is a must-hear for anyone curious about real transformation, debunking myths about coaching, and learning what it really takes to create sustained, holistic change—whether as a leader, entrepreneur, or anyone ready to understand themselves more deeply and write a new story.

Further Resources:
For more about Sondera or to book a breakthrough call, visit the episode show notes or kris​tenboss.com.