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I see with brand new eyes no, I've never been so sure Take my head let's run into the unknown this is the beginning. You are listening to the Kristen Boss Podcast. I'm your host, Kristen Boss. As a best selling author and performance coach, I'm on a mission to share about sustainable and purposeful approaches to both business and life. Each week I bring relevant topics that I believe are necessary to create a life of purpose, significance and meaning. Entrepreneurship is about so much more than growing your bottom line. It's about who you are becoming in the process and building a life that is truly extraordinary. Entrepreneurship is really just the beginning. Hey. Hey, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I am coming to you literally one day before the episode is due out. Because I'm not planning usually I should be like batching. Actually, I'm not going to should myself. They say batch podcast episodes, but really I've been running around with my hair on fire. But also, it has been a season. It has been this year in and of itself has been a hard season. But I don't want to focus on that, this episode because I do think there's some like, some really great conversation to have about finding gratitude in the hard because that, that really has shaped so much of my year. We actually just put down our sweet lab, Hank, my, my chocolate lab, who I had for 11 years, I think it would have been 11 years this month actually. And he passed away very suddenly. It was just devastating. So if you have ever like lost a fur baby, oh, then you know, you know how hard it is. And so we've been kind of walking that it happened like days before my husband's 40th birthday. And he's like, I don't want to celebrate. And nobody wanted to celebrate. It was just sad. It was just sad. So today, you know, and this weekend, we've been decorating the house for Christmas and listening to Christmas music. Yes, we are those people. November 8th and 9th, we are decorating. And my husband's birthday is on November 1st. And it's so funny. When we first got married, I think I waited until, I don't know, maybe closer to Thanksgiving. And every year he's like, every year you just try and slide it back a little bit more. But I do have a rule, like, we don't decorate until after my husband's birthday. So it's usually the weekend following. My husband's birthday is when we decorate. And so that fell on this weekend, which was so funny because my husband and my son, I think it's just because our hearts are sad. Both asked me like, hey mom, can we put up decorations? And they asked me like, I don't know, November 3rd. I was like, wow, you guys are asking me this time. Say less. So I have taken a break from all the tinsel and glitter and my hands are scratched up from fluffing. I don't even know how many fake Christmas trees and garlands. And I go a little overboard for Christmas, I'm not gonna lie. So all that to say that was kind of like a little catch up personal life. On that note, but I want to invite you musings, Musings I've had in my mind as a business owner, as somebody who has built and scaled one business and is building another, which before I even get into that, I have a really big announcement for you. As you've kind of heard that I've kind of, you know, I, I closed the last business. I've shared a lot about why, how I felt like I was symptomatically treating the problem. Because you can find, um, entrepreneurial skills are pretty easy to find as far as like learning copy sales, marketing. There is like the classroom of business and then there is the real life implementation of business. And I felt like I had built a classroom and people were struggling to implement it in their everyday life no matter how much great education they were getting. And I had to figure out what's preventing somebody from having success in their everyday life. And it turns out that wasn't just isolated to business, it's in every area of life. And the more I understood it, the more I'm like, I want to treat like success and goal setting and building the life you want from a holistic place and a healthy place. Now what does that mean when I think we are trying to build a life from an, like, build our dreams from an unhealthy place. It is when we are building our dreams from a place of like shame or resentment from where we are now. Like I hate where I am. Therefore, as a means to escape where I am because I can't find the good where I am, I'm going to lose myself in this alt alternate reality that is my dream and throw everything into that to escape everything I'm feeling today. And I talk about this a little bit in my book Pivot to Purpose. But I, it's more evident to me now of when business becomes escapism. And I, I could, and I can write the book on that because I, I have used it in and of myself now even while my Life was very good. I was still using business as a means of escape of myself. And that's, that's another thing. But there is the unhealthy approach to our dreams where it's like, where it's fueled by shame. Like, I don't like who I am or a desire to fix ourselves or whatever. And it's, and it's no different than like, your business goals or even health goals. Like, I like to ask people, okay, why, why do you want to be healthy? Well, I hate the way I look. Ooh. Well, do we really want to pursue health from a place of self loathing and hatred and shame? Probably not the best place to start, but yet it's, it's what we use. And so we, we think shame and, and all that needs to be the, the motivation. So knowing like, okay, how can I help people have success holistically, meaning not just in isolated areas of their life, being like, yay, so you're making money online, Cool. But is your marriage falling apart? Can you connect with your kids? Do you have friends? How's your health? Are you sleeping? Like, it just. That didn't seem to matter. It just seemed to be success at all cost. And I think while my message was always about like, anti hustle in the sense of, like, doing it differently, I even think I got lost in my business, like in my later years of. Because I think I even succumbed to the pressure of if people aren't seeing external results in this one area of their business, like, that's my only job. And I think I felt a lot of pressure to make sure I was always delivering there, even if it came at the neglect or, or ignoring or stepping around the anti hustle. And that's something I've had to really sit with and understand, like, okay, why did that come up? Why was there. How did I lose my own messaging in my life and maybe in how I started talking to my audience. And I say this because I think, you know, I've said in other episodes, like, our work is always our work. I don't think you cure yourself from the hustle. I think you become self aware and you learn to become somebody who notices when your hustle tendency is kicking in. Being with that part of yourself and returning to a more centered place. That is what I believe the work truly is. And I think when I first wrote my book, I think I wrote it from a place of like, maybe arriving into this anti hustle mindset and thinking you could set yourself free from it forever. But I think for some of Us, it is always going to be our work. And I know that is true for me. And so this idea of, you know, a healthy approach to success in every area of life and then the holistic approach being like I don't want to just isolate it to one area. So I'm like so how do I do this? How do I close this gap between you know, the consumption of knowledge and the execution and implementation of it in the personal, personal and press professional development space as a whole? Because that is what I kept seeing. And then these are the musings I want to invite you into into. And I'm like, it's like my marketing musings but I, I recently had a conversation with an extremely successful business owner and I won't say who it is because it was, it was, it doesn't not like a confidential conversation. But also he shared with me in our call. He's like, I feel like there's so few people I can actually have this conversation with. And he himself has, he's like I'm coming out of my own two year burnout of building my own business. And when I say he's an extremely well known name, I mean like he's been like, he's around Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi and Russell Brunson and like, like has every single picture of Click Funnel Awards extremely well known. And so he was, we get on this call to connect and because someone had you know, recommended for me him to me to speak at one of his virtual events and he's just like tell me your story. And so I just start telling him like I started to feel out of alignment selling strategies that I knew people that I knew maybe 10% of people would actually execute. And, and he said I felt the same way. And the conversation we had blew my mind. And here is where I'm going to call it the moral crisis of being a business owner who sells transformation. And this has come up in multiple rooms. And so I was at an event with a room filled again with well known people, seven, eight, nine figure business owners. And we had this expert come in who wrote this book. Actually I'm going to recommend him, Jamie Winship. And he talked about identity a lot about and how to bringing your identity to your vocation instead of extracting your identity from your vocation. And I think that could be a whole episode in and of itself. But one of the things he talked about is that we all operate from two worldviews. The first worldview is a, is a scarce or disconnected worldview that is where we believe, like, there's not enough to go around. We need absolute certainty. We need a formula. We need proof that whatever it is is going to work. So there's not enough. We need a formula. There has to be certainty, and there's no room for error or failure is not acceptable. And then there is the other worldview that is, it's a connected worldview, and it's where you believe that you can. There's plenty of resources to go around and that you can rely on community and there's room for innovation and curiosity and all of those things. And I. And it was a much longer talk, and he was like, he opened up the room for Q and A. And I want to say there was like 100 of us in a room, was pretty, like an intimate luncheon. And I hold up my hand. I'm like, hi, maybe you can answer this question. Maybe you can. He's like, oh, I can answer it. I was like, okay, maybe it's. If you'd be willing to. I was like, I'm having a moral dilemma. However, I think I've been dealing with it for quite some time. I said, when you are talking about the scarce worldview, you. What you are talking about is the marketing playbook that every online business owner has. And we have been taught this is the only way people psychologically buy. And if you don't do this framework, you might as well close your doors. I am having a crisis because how do I serve people and have a profitable business? And the only answer is for me to market from the scarce worldview because psychologically, that is how people are wired to buy. He's like, welcome to the rub. And. And I could tell I made the entire room uncomfortable. People like their cult. Like, I felt like they were loosening their collars. They were sweating because every business owner in there was like, how do I put it? This is the way of business. And for me, I started feeling this maybe a year and a half ago, two years ago, where I was like, why? Why? I don't like this. This. This doesn't feel right to me. Why are we selling solutions to people who feel desperate? And there is, like, truth to. Like, there has to be enough pain for somebody to want to seek change. But at what point are. Are we the ones causing harm to. To induce them to buy? And everyone in the room was sweating and uncomfortable because I asked the question that had been burning in my mind. And he said, you will have to be brave enough to play by a different set of rules. Do you see a business owner doing it that way, and I went through, like, my entire internal inventory, and I couldn't think of one big business owner that I saw doing it this way. And. And maybe it's happening out there. I just don't know of it yet. But I know I'm committed to somehow figuring it out, and it has been a lot. So I want to bring you back to my conversation with this extremely successful business owner as we're both sharing like this, how hard that is. He's like, kristen, not selling. He's like, I have found in my years of business, the people that will throw the most money at you are the people who are the most broken down, the most vulnerable or people. He's like, what I'm going to call. They have the orphan spirit. And in the world of business, it's too easy. It's all too easy and acceptable to extort that. And I feel really, I don't know how else to explain my feelings to you in conveying this information to you, because I feel like I'm revealing the seedy underbelly of. Of marketing as a whole. And it's like, so how do we market responsibly, ethically, without causing harm in service to others for people who desire transformation? And so what we noticed was, like, it. It is a slower, less sexy purchase to speak to people in such a way where you are not breaking them down to get them to feel broken without you, to where they have to hand you money to. For you to enter as the savior. But that is. This is. That's the playbook, friends. That is the playbook. And I said, listen. And I. As I was telling Jamie Winship this, I was like, jamie, listen, every funnel is here. Like, if you don't have. And it's true, though, I can tell you this. Like, I can't even tell you how many funnels I've been building all freaking year long. And I could tell you, if the language isn't urgent, we're just spending money getting people to read pages and take no action. Because they're like, I could do it tomorrow. So I'm like, wow, how do we get people to take action from a healthy sense of urgency? And what's the line between healthy urgency and this broken spirit? Like, I'm buying this thing so you can finally fix me. That's a different. That's two different buying motives. And so. And I've been talking even with my therapist about this. I was just like, how do we market responsibly without intentionally jacking somebody's nervous system in the process and being like, hey, I'm going to trigger your everything in your body to make you to speak to your survival brain so that you can take these actions. I'm just inviting you into the musings of what, what's on my heart and mind as a business owner. Why I care. And I will tell you this, my friend and I, when we were talking, we said it's a slower build because getting someone to buy from a non scarce place is typically because you're not fast selling fast, sexy overnight results. And we're in the marketing world, we're taught to use language like immediately get this, have this. And like there's some truth to that. It's like, what can you actually promise? And that's, that's fair. But it's like, it's, you don't get to sell these, these lightning fast, easy solutions. But, and I was telling him, I was like, how on earth, in a world of instant gratification and a world that craves chaos, how do you sell calm, sustainable and lasting results? When most people are so unhappy they want to get out of their circumstances and as fast as possible. They're not interested in marathons or they only want to sprint because they hate how they feel now, which I get, I think that, that, that can start your journey, but it's not lasting fuel. And I've said this in books and in keynotes like, hey, motivation might get you started but it doesn't get you, it doesn't keep you going when it matters. And so it's this idea of like, okay, especially the holiday. I just want you to notice your own buying behaviors of just like, how much of this is dopamine driven versus this is what's actually important, this is what's actually aligned. And so you might be like, you might be like, okay, where are you going with this? I think I'm just inviting you into the backside of business and how you can decide that you get to do things differently. But I also want to contrast for you as a buyer the difference between buying from a place of brokenness and buying from a place of empowerment. And so buying from a broken spirit is believing that you are irreparable, you are broken, you, you cannot be helped. Life is always going to be miserable. It's, I don't know how to describe it. It's a different feeling in your body. It feels very panicky, very rushed, very. If I don't get this, I'll, I'll never have this. It's like it's very, I think you know it when you, when you feel it, you know it, it, it feels, it feels like panic, rush, urgency. You're looking at what everybody else is doing. You're like, I don't want to be left behind. I don't want to be missing something. I don't want to look like a fool for not on. I would call those, those are like scarce, driven or broken, you know, maybe broken spirit purchasing. Then I think there's empowered purchasing where you, where. I do still think there is discomfort when you're engaging with your growth edge. I do think it's normal when you are choosing growth that you encounter feelings of doubt like, can I actually do this? Can I follow through with myself? What if I invest again only to disappoint myself? Those are all very normal. And I even think like a healthy dialogue for you to have with yourself when you are investing being like, all right, why am I doing this? Is this engaging in my growth edge? Is this calling me up to a better place or am I feeling shame? Like, is it, is this a shame induced purchase or is this a place of like where I feel empowered, I feel a sense of hope, I feel a sense of agency. Like, oh, I get to choose this, I get to step into this. And yes, it's going to be uncomfortable unless, yes, I'm going to learn new skills and yes, investing in myself always feels a little scary. But this, I know this is worth it. Kind of like, kind of like getting married. It's like there's, there's not. I hope you didn't feel the scarcity, fear of missing out. Well, all of my friends are getting married. I should get married too. Well, that would lead to a lot of maybe not good feelings on your wedding day. Whereas I love this person, I can't imagine life without this person. And although the journey ahead of me is uncertain and I don't know what to expect, but I, I trust that this is like the next best part of my chapter in my journey. Like, there's natural normal nerves and knowing that, like I don't know what to expect or even with when you chose to have kids or whatever, new season, taking on a new job, Think about the feelings you had with stepping into your growth edge. That is uncomfortable. Yes, but it is a different kind of uncomfortable than the I'm broken and I'm ashamed and if I don't act now, I'm forever broken. So just like this is something I'm exploring as somebody who I believe has a responsibility of how we invite people into their transformation. And you know what I do in the company Sandara, what I do, what we do there, it's not fast and sexy but it is sustainable and it does work. And that's where I was like, no, this is all about helping people integrate information they're getting and being able to implement it in their everyday, get feedback from what's happening in their everyday and use it to refine their process and stay forever in a healthy form of growth instead of a shame fueled growth of like, I'm gonna go all out, all on out and then I'm gonna quit on myself and all these things. That's why I didn't want a very labor intensive course where it's like, okay, Go watch module 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 and fill more of your head with knowledge. And oh by the way, once you're done reading all, doing all this, then go do this homework. And then their brain's falling apart and then they're over analyzing and they're like, I'm afraid of doing this wrong. I'm falling behind in this course. I'm not using my investment responsibly. Like I think that. And, and I will tell you in the world of business, business owners know, and I have heard this, that they are like, it's not our responsibility if people do nothing with what we provide. And there is some truth to that. But for me I'm like, yeah, but I, I want to sell the thing that helps them implement every, every piece of knowledge they invest in or get. I don't care if it's like a meal plan or an exercise plan or a savings plan or a business plan or how they're going to communicate better and put in boundaries or how they're going to be a parent. I'm like, we can consume all the information but it's nothing without implementation and how we integrate that information into our being, into our everyday. And so that is what Sandera is, we're like, we're going to meet people where they're at and we're going to help them understand why they're not able to integrate, integrate and implement because they're wired a certain way when things start falling apart or when they feel things like fear and doubt, doubt and uncertainty. And so like I want to create a library of tools that they can use to help them implement and I'm like, wow, if we could teach people this, everything changes and that's starting. It's happening in there, it's happening with our one on one clients happening with Sandera. So all this to say is, I want to invite you into exploring what it would look like for you to stop buying into fast fixes. Because how long are you going to keep doing that? I don't care if it's like free downloads or podcast episodes or the next hot course or whatever it is. Like, I just want to offer you maybe you actually know enough to take the next right step. Step. And what you. The real help you need isn't information about what the step is, but having the tools to help you integrate and implement that information so that you can actually start getting results. How amazing is that? And not only that, but stay with the process. Instead of burning out and quitting when things don't go to plan. What if we. What if there's that? And so that's what this is about. And so, you know, I'm even sitting with like, I'm like, what am I even going to call this podcast episode? I don't know. Figure it out when I'm done recording this. But that, that's where I'm at and that's what I want to invite you into. And yes, I know it's not sexy or glamorous for me to. Because trust me, I know how easy it would be for me to sell you the next hottest strategy for how to go viral on Instagram. I could put together a playbook today and sell that like hotcakes. And I can go to bed at night and be like, it's not my job if they don't do anything with that strategy. My job is just to build the strategy and hope they use it. I don't like that. I'm like, what? What? I don't like it. I don't know. I don't. It just, it doesn't sit well with me. I'm like. And maybe some people are cool with that. I get it. Like, some people are natural strategists and they've got some great stuff to help people. And I'm like, if you're able to implement. Cool. I'm just sick of treating symptoms with more strategy when people aren't going to implement it consistently anyways. Can I get an amen in the house? Okay. You now know why I'm so fired up. And I want to tell you something that's really exciting coming down the pipeline. Listen, I have not done in over a year. I used to do three day events all the time and in this new business, I didn't think I would do it again. I also was living under the story that this new business, I didn't want my face. I had to, like, be detached and like, I had to have this faceless brand. Well, not in today's economy. And also, like, I, I love what I do. I want to talk to people. I want to see people, like, trying to build a faceless brand. That was cute and all, but no, no, we're here. You're like, you're listening and I'm glad you're listening. So listen. I knew it. I was blow drying my hair and my team was like, you need to blow dry your hair more often. I was like, I, I feel like I do, but I was blow drying my hair and I had an epiphany and I was like, that's it. We're going to do a three day event again. And it's going to be different than every three day event I've ever done because I'm so excited to come to you with real solutions that you can actually implement in every single area of your life. If you're like, Kristen, will it help me grow my business? Be like, yes, because if you're implementing consistently, you will get results. Will it help my, my marriage? Yes, because if you're implementing consistently, I promise at least 50% of the marriage will change. And that is the part that you show up for. Well, my parenting change. Well, according to some people in our membership, they're like, I, our relationship with our kid is completely changing. We're teaching our kids to regulate. We're using the tools ourselves. Communication is different in our home. I'm like, amazing. You like every course you have collecting dust in your library. I will. My goal is to empower you and give you the tools to finally wipe off the dust, blow it off and be like, oh my gosh, I can finally implement this stuff I've been collecting for years. And it's not because you're lazy or unmotivated or you don't have discipline or you don't have a big enough why or you're not in enough pain. I think that's all like top surface level bs, to be honest with you. It's like, no, you have some things that keep you from integrating and implementing and I'm going to scientifically show you why. I'm going to give you a framework for actually how to do it, not some, you know, pseudo science. I'm actually going to teach you why. It will make sense. It will finally bridge the gap for you. Because again, I don't sleep at night until people feel empowered to actually do something with their lives. Instead of listening to how to make their life better, they're actually doing something to make their life better. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of watching people be like, I want change so badly, but long term, meaningful change does not sustain when there's conflict or crisis or life gets hard. And so I, this is the thing. And so if you're like, I want an Instagram funnel, I'll be like, cool, this is totally not the three day for you. But if you're like, I want to finally understand why I keep getting in my own way, why I procrastinate, why I avoid my work, why I scroll when I know I should be working, or why I why I'm knee deep in a bag of Doritos when I've told myself I'm gonna, I'm gonna prioritize my health, why I keep qu the gym membership or why I never implement my boundaries with that one person and I continue to be treated like a doormat. I want to know why I keep circling these patterns that drive me freaking insane that no podcast or personal development book can seem to solve. For me, this is what the three day event is for. And, and, and my goal is for you not to feel an ounce of shame. If anything, I want you to feel completely liberated from the cycle of self growth shame you have been living in for way too long. And the self growth shame is like, I hate this about myself. I'm going to go learn something so I can fix this part of myself. I might, I'm going to implement it for two weeks and then I'm going to quit on myself and then I'm going to shame myself for quitting. And look at me. I don't keep promises and I suck. And I need to apologize to this person or that person because I, I, I spent money having the best of intentions, but I didn't do anything. And me, I suck. I suck. I suck. And then I'm going to say spiral in that for a while until I'm finally the shame is lessened enough for me to finally be excited about changing myself. And now I feel hope. I'm like, all right, this is finally going to be the time that I, I change myself. And oh, I'm so excited. I'm going to buy this thing that they, that this fast shiny thing. I've tried everything else, but this is going to be the magical solution and I'm finally going to do it and re wash, rinse and repeat forever and ever. I want to liberate you from that cycle. And I want to actually bring you into a life where you actually take meaningful steps towards change and transformation. When I was talking to my friend the other day on the podcast, I was like, this is my work and if it's a slower build, a slower grind, so be it. But at least I get to go to sleep at night knowing, yes, people are actually doing something. They're doing something. Even if it's tiny little micro steps every day, even if it's someone being like, you know what? Today I did the thing I, I told myself I couldn't do for 18 months and I finally did it. It. We need more of that. So I realize it's really, it's sexier to say like, hey, I'll triple your income and double your ROI in today's economy. I realize it's sexier to be like, hey, you can lose, lose 15 pounds in the next 15 days. I realize that's all sexy, but you've already bought that and it doesn't work. So if you want something more sustainable, keep your eyes open. We have a new three day, it's going to be called the Success Rewire. So you can finally stop quitting on yourself and actually follow through to create sustainable, true, sustainable results. Sustainable success has always been something I cared about, but this, I'm finally giving you the answers I've been looking for for so, for so long. I think that's why I'm so excited. I'm so excited. And, and this has been spoken over me. I can't stop hearing it. But someone's like, Kristin, you're just, you're a chain breaker. You're, you're, you're a truth teller. You, that is, that is what you're meant to do in this world is, is provide breakthrough. And so I'm going all in on breakthrough for others and I'm inviting you to come in that journey with me. So keep an eye out. I'm going to be promoting it on Instagram. I'm gonna be promoting it in the emails. I'm gonna. And if you're like, can I bring my friends? Can I bring an accountability buddy? Anybody you want. That's, that is also fed up with their own BS and maybe the BS that's out there with self development and they feel preyed on by the self development industry, don't think that isn't happening, because it does. I believe. Ooh, I can't believe I'm gonna say this. I think the personal development industry preys on insecurity. Oh, I can't believe I just said it, but I think it's true. And I hate it. And I don't want that for you. I want you to be empowered. It's finally. It's. We're gonna do this different, so join me. The Success Rewire. It's gonna be December 8th, 9th, and 10th, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. It's going to be $9, friends, like we usually do, and I'm going to invite you into a different story. So if you're like, heck, yeah, let's go, then let's freaking go. All right, friends, catch you in the next episode. Have a beautiful rest of your. That's a wrap for today's episode. Listen, if you love what you heard here today, I would love for you to leave a real quick rating and a review. This helps the show get discovered by new people. Be sure to take a screenshot of today's episode and shout us out on Instagram. We'll shout you right back out. If you'd like to find additional resources or discover how to work with me, head to www.kristenboss.com. starts right here.