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- [00:00]
Stephen Colbert
Where'd you get those shoes?
- [00:02]
Philip
Easy.
- [00:02]
Stephen Colbert
They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com as a.
- [00:30]
IXL Learning Representative
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- [01:47]
Philip
Are there any questions I can answer before we get going? I saw you first. Yes, if you were the love interest in a Hallmark movie. If I was the love interest in the Hallmark movie, yes.
- [01:58]
IXL Learning Representative
Whose store would you run?
- [02:08]
Philip
I would have a candy cane store and all my candy canes are stolen and so I have to join up with the chief of police who was my high school girlfriend who broke up with me and I've moved back to town. I was a very successful Wall street banker, but I've moved back for a simpler life to take over my father's business after he died. My name is Philip Candy Cane and he and I take over the store and all these candy canes that I'm selling were the last thing I had of my father's to remember him. All who had actually little beknowns to me had really hoped that I would come home so I would meet the chief of police and so we could get married. And then. And then. But what about my butt? What? Anybody else? Anybody else? Yes, sir. Yes. What car do you drive? What car do I drive? I am driven, my man. Yes, ma'am. Right there in the oatmeal sweater. Why is the Thing the best movie of all time? Well, it's not the best movie of all time. I think I have a stone in my shoe. It's not the best movie of all time, but it's my favorite movie of all time. Because when I was a young and very depressed man, my brother Eddie was so worried about me because I had lost 50 pounds my freshman year of college. I just wasn't eating at all. I was super depressed and I couldn't figure out why to get up in the morning anymore. And he came and picked me up from college. He's 18 years my senior, my brother. He picked me up from college, took me to his house, brought me down to the basement, bought me pizzas all weekend long, and we watched movies together. And the first movie he put in was the Thing by John Carpenter. And I loved. I love him so much. I love that he did that for me. It was a turning point in that year for me because I felt less alone after that, and I will forever. And first of all, I love science fiction, and it is the greatest. Maybe Blade Runner is a better adaptation of a science fiction short story, but in my opinion, it's the greatest adaptation of any science fiction short story based on who Goes There? By John W. Campbell, who is the editor of Astounding Science Fiction. A lot of the copies of which I have on the shelves over here, but mostly it's because it reminds me of my brother and that thing he did for me. And also, it's just fantastic. It's just fantastic. You got Kurt Russell as MacCready, you know, Mac, you got. You got Wilford Brimley. You got Brimley like this here. That's not even dog. That's not even real dog. That's. Man, this thing, give him five more minutes, we wouldn't even know it was a dog. So that. It's the best. Have you seen it? See it. See it alone. You know, my favorite thing is it takes place at an ice station in Antarctica and it's the first full week of winter, and he goes. One of the first lines of the Movie is First God week of winter. And at the South Pole base, the tradition is when the last plane takes off, because in the winter, they're totally isolated. When they're winter, when the last plane takes off, they all get in one room and they watch the thing. Anybody else? Yes, ma'am, Right over there. Yes, it's my husband David's 60th birthday. Hello. And I have a relationship question for you and Evie. Yes. Because he has imposed a 10 minute limit on talking about Trump every day. We have a 10 minute limit about talking about Trump every day. First of all, well done, sir. We, we. We have a zero minute limit because. Because that is a. That is a busman's holiday for me. If I get home and talk about it. We talk about anything else. We mostly watch, like, British crime procedurals. You know, right now there's a lot more murder in the Shetland Islands than I thought there would be. Yes, yes. If you have to compare J.D. vance to one Shakespeare character, who would it be? J.D. vance to a Shakespeare character? Doesn't. Doesn't bottom get turned into an ass? I would say maybe that. No, I wouldn't compare him to a Shakespeare character. He doesn't have the vocabulary. Okay. Anybody? El? Yes, young lady? Yes. Do we have a cake? Oh, do we, oh, do we do anything for you guys? This isn't Chili's. It's your birthday today. Hey, hey, hey Eat your cake and go away hey, hey, hey we're all gonna die anyway hey, hey, hey. Ah. I worked in a restaurant, and that was literally what we sang in the restaurant. If you had birthday in the restaurant of this restaurant, it was a chain called JB Winberry. It's my first job out of college. If you ate in the restaurant, part of it, you got like, you know, happy, happy birthday from whatever the that thing is. But if you had your birthday in the bar and you were getting drunk, that's what we sang for you. We'd all come in. We'd all come in and we'd sing, and we had to do it. Not like, not in tune. Oh, yeah, yeah. We were always a little sour like that. People loved it. They came in just for that. We're ready to do it. You all ready to do the show? Yeah. Y'all ready to show everybody? Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.