Transcript
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Stephen Colbert (1:24)
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Stephen Colbert (1:44)
Thanks everybody. Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't have to tell any of you it's been a hell of a week. I'm sorry I read that wrong. It's been hell. Right now Minnesotans are still being terrorized by Trump's goons and it's not entirely clear. It's not entirely clear when it will end. In the wake of two murders by anti immigration agents, Trump has removed Border Patrol commander Greg Bevino, seen here embodying Coco Chanel's famous motto I love Nazis. Bavino has been replaced in Minnesota by Border Czar and happiest meatball in the steam tray. That's all we know, it's too early to know if Trump is actually trying to de escalate the violence or just rearranging the douchebags on the Titanic. Right now. So far, so far, from what we can tell, it looks a little bit like option B, because this morning Trump posted surprisingly, Mayor Jacob Fry has just stated that Minneapolis does not and will not enforce federal immigration laws. This is after having had a very good conversation with him. Could somebody please explain that he is playing with fire? I had a very good conversation. No, folks, I had a very good conversation with Mayor Fry. Just had a great relationship with his uncle, Mayor McCheese. But now, folks, now Mayor Fry is playing with fire when he should be playing in the Fryer. The administration is feeling the heat because Americans are outraged. Anti ICE sentiment is everywhere. In fact, this weekend on Instagram, Reddit, TikTok and YouTube, posts critical of ICE went viral even in apolitical online spaces. For example, on one subreddit, for playfully patting your cat like you're playing the bongos, the moderator got a record number of upvotes after posting, quote, if you still support trumpice even slightly, you're not welcome in this. You hear that? Do you get that? Do you understand that if you support the fascists, your hands have no place tapping sweet samba rhythms on your cat's bongo butt. Which means the revolution has a new fight song. Hit it. Cat seems to like it. I wouldn't mind that. Naturally, a lot of the anger has been directed at Homeland Security Secretary and girlfriend, a lonely sailor made from driftwood and kelp, Christy Noem. On Saturday, Noem was quick to call Preddy a domestic terrorist without evidence. Now House Democrats are threatening to impeach her, and even some Republicans are demanding her resignation. But yesterday. That's pleasant something. But yesterday, Trump said no when asked by a reporter if Noem would step down, adding, I think she's doing a very good job. I think she's doing a very good job, folks. Nope, she's doing excellent. There's no one else I'd rather have everyone blame for my mindless cruelty. She's perfect. First off, she's a woman and nobody likes that. For her part, Noem is trying to blame other people for immediately labeling a murder victim a domestic terrorist. Yesterday, she reportedly said, everything I've done, I've done at the direction of the President and Stephen Miller. Oh, so you were just following orders? This was all just a nothing burger? Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I misread that. It's a nuremberger. But Much of Noem's. But this much of Noem's story does check out. Right after Preddy was killed. Miller called him an assassin intent on massacring law enforcement. But now he's saying that wasn't his idea either. Yesterday, he told reporters any early comments made were based on information sent to the White House through Customs and Border Protection. So Kristi Noem, who runs Customs and Border Protection, heard it from Stephen Miller, who says he heard it from Customs and Border Protection run by Kristi Noem. This is a real snake eating its own tail, which I believe is how Stephen Miller reproduces. Yesterday, during a press event with Iowa farmers, Trump was asked about the trouble in Minnesota. Warning. If you're a fan of the song Eye of the Tiger, this might make you like it less.