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- [00:00]
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Know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt, just glory. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios or the smooth instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. Wonderful Pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now there's an obsession with jalapeno lime. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. Crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Snack like you mean it with wonderful Pistachios. Visit Wonderful Pistachios. Do come to learn more.
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You open the fridge, there's nothing there. So what's it gonna be? Greasy pizza, Sad drive thru burgers. Dish by Blue Apron is for nights like that. These are the pre made meals of your dreams. At least 20 grams of protein. No artificial flavors or colors. No chopping, no cleanup. No guilt. Keep the flavor. Ditch the subscription. Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRON20. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for anymore.
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It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert, folks.
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My next guest tonight was just named one of Variety's 10 Comedians to Watch. Making his late night debut. Please welcome Joe Dombrowski.
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Hello New York. Thank you. Oh my gosh, it's so great to be back in the United States. I actually just got back in the United States. I was in Florida and I went to the bar after every single one of my shows. Cause I was a teacher for 10 years. So now I'm an alcoholic and I'm sitting at the bar minding my business. And these two people, just beacons of Floridian excellence, let me tell ya, they just start walking towards me, all four teeth collectively. And I didn't catch their names, but for the sake of the story, we'll call them Methane and Fentiana Rodriguez. And they come over and they just start chirping away. And one of them looks at me and she goes, joe, we didn't like your show because I don't know if you know, but Teachers in this country are teaching kids to be gay. And I said, methane. That's crazy. I taught for 10 years. I couldn't even teach and write their name at the top of the page. Teachers are not teaching kids to be gay because if teachers were teaching kids to be gay, teachers would still teach cursive. Cursive's just gay language, really. It's just homosexual hieroglyphics, if you think about it. Because if you write the letter A in print, you say A, but if you write the letter A in cursive, you say A. And you're not allowed to say if you think the kids are gay. So I won't. But I will tell you, I had a kid named Leonardo. So. But here's the thing. On the first day of kindergarten, I always let the kids pick their nickname for the school year. And Leonardo told me that he wanted his nickname to be Ambiance. Now, that was hard for me because I wanted to be Ambiance. But I had so much fun with that nickname, though, because whenever I'd have to call on him in class, I'd just hype up the class and I'd say, ladies and gentlemen, get your single dollar bills ready. Just working his way through kindergarten. Give it up for Ambiance. Get. Get it, get. I got cat. I get. Can I get?
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I get Shawam.
- [04:41]
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My husband and I are also having a baby. Thank you. Thank you. He is the best person to become a dad with because we're complete opposites. Like, he works way high up in this big tech company. I can't say what it is, but it rhymes with Microsoft. And I am a comedian. He thinks in numbers, and I think in cursive. It's so funny. Like, he'll be in the house solving the Pythagorean theorem, and I'll be in the yard smelling a wind chime. Like, that's me. And here's the thing. I didn't realize how hard it would be to name a baby when you used to be a teacher. Like, he will throw these names out, and I have to shut them all down. He's like, megan talker, Jenna talker, Jillian pooped herself. We can't have a Jillian. That's an OSHA violation. So he said, why don't you just make a list of celebrity names, and maybe that will jog something within us. And I said, chaka Khan. He hates it. I love it. Cause can you picture two gay dads with a Chaka Khan? And it's not a French bulldog. It's A real Chaka Khan. So his top three names are Mabel, Eloise, and Lois. I was like, oh, I didn't realize we were making a small army of suffragettes. But since we're going historical, let's add another house sack of Joe. We. Lois. Lois. Does she come with her own days of the week pill tray? Like, are you serious? Like, I feel like I'm gonna be at the hospital holding her. I'm gonna have to look at people like, oh, that's Lois. Yeah, she's got a drinking problem. Mm. Yeah, we have to stay here a few more days too. Cause I didn't know, but believe it or not, the car seat won't fit in our covered wagon. Nobody is more excited for this baby than my mom. She's through the roof. Cause I'm an only child, so she's obsessed with me. She calls it love. The doctors call it Munchausen by proxy. See, we told her we were having a baby. She hit us with baby rules immediately. She said, listen, you two, I do not want to be a meemaw. And that's when I decided, she's a meemaw. I go, why don't you want to be a meemaw? She goes, meemaw is a trashy grandma's name. I go, you have a bedazzled steering wheel. My dad goes, yeah, none of this meemaw stuff. I said, calm down, pee paw. I go, mom, you don't want to be Meemaw. What do you want to be? She goes, I want to be known as grandmother. Grandmother. Okay, well, the only way this baby's calling her grandmother is if the baby's name is Lois. Grandmother. Like, I'm birthing the next cast of Bridgerton over here. Are you kidding? No, no. My kid is going to Meemaw's house, okay? And he's gonna cause a ruckus, and she's gonna have to give him a lesson on sharing. And she's gonna look at my kid and say, okay, show me how you share. And my kid will say, if I could turn back time. Oh, thank you so much. I'm Joe Dombroski. Thank you.
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Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you wanna see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips.
- [08:31]
C
And Limu Gamu and Doug Limu and.
- [08:39]
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I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual, but now we want you to feel it.
- [08:44]
C
Cue the emu music. Limu. Save yourself money today. Increase your wealth. Customize and save. We save. That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty. Liberty. Liberty Savings Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual.
- [09:04]
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Insurance Company Affiliates Excludes Massachusetts now streaming on Paramount plus.
- [09:09]
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Someone is trying to frame us until our names are clear.
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We're fugitives from interval.
- [09:15]
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Like Bonnie and Clyde with better snacks.
- [09:18]
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Espionage?
- [09:19]
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You still as good as shot as he used to be? Better.
- [09:23]
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Is there love language? We like to walk that fine line.
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Between techno thriller and romantic comedy.
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We make up our own rules.
- [09:31]
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NCIS Tony and Ziva now streaming on Paramount plus.