Transcript
A (0:00)
Know what they say when they reach for a snack? Don't hold back. And that's exactly the approach with Wonderful Pistachios. The don't hold back snack. These little wonders are so tasty, it feels like getting away with something. But surprise. Each serving has 6 grams of protein and 0 grams of regret. That's right. No guilt, just glory. Whether it's a satisfying crack of in shell pistachios or the smooth instant gratification of no shells. No judgment. Wonderful Pistachios has every snack style covered. Right now there's an obsession with jalapeno lime. It's spicy, it's zesty. It's basically a flavor roller coaster in a nut. Snacking on the go. Grab a bag of no shells. Feeling contemplative and want to work for it a little. Crack open those in shell beauties. Either way, it's snacking like a champ. So the next time hunger strikes, don't hold back. Snack like you mean it with wonderful Pistachios. Visit Wonderful Pistachios. Do come to learn more.
B (1:00)
You open the fridge, there's nothing there. So what's it gonna be? Greasy pizza, Sad drive thru burgers. Dish by Blue Apron is for nights like that. These are the pre made meals of your dreams. At least 20 grams of protein. No artificial flavors or colors. No chopping, no cleanup. No guilt. Keep the flavor. Ditch the subscription. Get 20% off your first two orders with code APRON20. Terms and conditions apply. Visit blueapron.com terms for anymore.
C (1:31)
It's the Late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert, folks.
A (1:39)
My next guest tonight was just named one of Variety's 10 Comedians to Watch. Making his late night debut. Please welcome Joe Dombrowski.
C (1:54)
Hello New York. Thank you. Oh my gosh, it's so great to be back in the United States. I actually just got back in the United States. I was in Florida and I went to the bar after every single one of my shows. Cause I was a teacher for 10 years. So now I'm an alcoholic and I'm sitting at the bar minding my business. And these two people, just beacons of Floridian excellence, let me tell ya, they just start walking towards me, all four teeth collectively. And I didn't catch their names, but for the sake of the story, we'll call them Methane and Fentiana Rodriguez. And they come over and they just start chirping away. And one of them looks at me and she goes, joe, we didn't like your show because I don't know if you know, but Teachers in this country are teaching kids to be gay. And I said, methane. That's crazy. I taught for 10 years. I couldn't even teach and write their name at the top of the page. Teachers are not teaching kids to be gay because if teachers were teaching kids to be gay, teachers would still teach cursive. Cursive's just gay language, really. It's just homosexual hieroglyphics, if you think about it. Because if you write the letter A in print, you say A, but if you write the letter A in cursive, you say A. And you're not allowed to say if you think the kids are gay. So I won't. But I will tell you, I had a kid named Leonardo. So. But here's the thing. On the first day of kindergarten, I always let the kids pick their nickname for the school year. And Leonardo told me that he wanted his nickname to be Ambiance. Now, that was hard for me because I wanted to be Ambiance. But I had so much fun with that nickname, though, because whenever I'd have to call on him in class, I'd just hype up the class and I'd say, ladies and gentlemen, get your single dollar bills ready. Just working his way through kindergarten. Give it up for Ambiance. Get. Get it, get. I got cat. I get. Can I get?