Intro Rewind: Father Guido Sarducci

Summary

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The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode Title: Intro Rewind: Father Guido Sarducci
Date: August 31, 2025
Host: Stephen Colbert
Producer: Becca
Guest (Character): Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Late Show Pod Show features Stephen Colbert and producer Becca revisiting the memorable Late Show appearance of Father Guido Sarducci, the iconic, chain-smoking Vatican gossip columnist brought to life by Don Novello. They reflect on Novello's comedy legacy, the context of the appearance (a papal Conclave leading to the election of the first-ever American Pope), and the on-air improvisation that made the segment unique. Listeners are treated to behind-the-scenes stories, amusing banter, and of course, the irreverent, deadpan humor of Father Guido himself.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Behind the Scenes: How the Segment Came Together

[02:07 – 03:35]

• Podcast Purpose: While The Late Show is on break, Stephen and Becca review notable past segments and provide backstage commentary.
• Stephen’s Enthusiasm: Stephen expresses genuine excitement about these recaps:

  “This is my highlight. I just do the show so we can have these things together...” (02:22, Stephen Colbert)

• Content Selection: This week focuses on Father Guido Sarducci, a character celebrated for his satirical take on Catholic life and pop culture.
• Don Novello's Comedy Roots: Stephen recounts Novello’s history with the Smothers Brothers writing staff, rubbing comedic shoulders with the likes of Steve Martin, Rob Reiner, and "Super Dave" Osborne.

2. The Legacy of Don Novello and The Laszlo Letters

[05:44 – 07:02]

• Sarducci’s TV Journey: Originally appearing on SNL, Sarducci became a staple of American satire.
• The Laszlo Letters: Novello’s satirical letter-writing project deeply influenced Stephen’s own Colbert Report persona:

  "The Laszlo Letters...highly influential to my character on the Colbert Report. If you read them, you go, 'Oh, I see what Stephen stole.'" (06:39, Stephen Colbert)

3. The Conclave and the First American Pope

[07:48 – 10:49]

• The appearance of Sarducci was timed with a real-life papal conclave, culminating in the election of Robert Francis Prevost—a "Chicago Pope."
• Stephen expresses mixed feelings about an American Pope:

  "I didn't want an American Pope...because I think the American Church is already too politicized as it is.” (08:04, Stephen Colbert) “...as much as I'm leery about religion getting into my politics, I'm really leery of politics getting into my religion." (08:20, Stephen Colbert)

• The news stirs pride and concern—ultimately overshadowed by the excitement of Chicago’s down-to-earth character:

  “Chicago is a world city, but it’s also clean. And the people there are not pretentious...” (10:39, Stephen Colbert)

4. Enter: Father Guido Sarducci

[11:47 – 19:47]

• Sarducci’s Vatican “Insider” Satire: Don Novello effortlessly improvises as Father Guido, commenting on conclave odds, smoking rules on TV, and the culinary joys of "porco spiro" (hedgehog Milanese).
• Improvisational Charm: Stephen reveals they scrapped the script and let Novello riff in character:

  “I just asked him questions and he answered in character...I wasn't entirely sure what was about to happen...it was a complete joy.” (07:23, Stephen Colbert)

• Conclave Antics & Culinary Comedy:
  • Claims hedgehogs are hard to cook because, "they’re hard to shoot, because they move." (14:39, Father Guido Sarducci)
  • Details absurd methods for cooking hedgehog Milanese, “You pound it and you bread it...porco spiro Milanese.” (15:42, Father Guido Sarducci)
• Satire on Papal Selection:
  • Tells a (fabricated) legend in which a Cardinal is selected as Pope after a fly lands in his minestrone:

    "They think it's a miracle he chose him to be Pope." (16:56, Father Guido Sarducci)

  • Lampoons conspiracy theories:

    “Benedict XVI is going to be Pope again...that's a rumor. No, you know, it's like Elvis...no one has seen him since his funeral.” (17:36–18:04, Father Guido Sarducci)

• Running gags about Sarducci’s lack of Church rank:

  "Why aren’t you a Monsignor yet?" (18:41, Stephen Colbert) "I don’t know...they said, 'You can’t have a tattoo.' " (18:46, Father Guido Sarducci) “Was it a Grateful Dead skull?” – “How did you know this?” (19:22–19:27, Stephen Colbert & Father Guido Sarducci)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On American Popes and Politics:

  “As much as I'm leery about religion getting into my politics, I'm really leery of politics getting into my religion.”
  (08:20, Stephen Colbert)

• On the Laszlo Letters' Influence:

  “If you read them, you go, 'Oh, I see what Stephen stole.’”
  (06:39, Stephen Colbert)

• Absurd Culinary Advice:

  “...you pound it and you bread it. Put breading on it, and they call it porco spiro Milanese.”
  (15:42, Father Guido Sarducci)

• On Smoking Menthol Cigarettes:

  “Network TV, you can smoke menthol.”
  “Why menthol?”
  “Kennedy just came out and said this... it's got vitamin C in it, and it's good for polio.”
  (13:26–13:43, Father Guido Sarducci)

• Conspiracy about Pope Benedict XVI:

  “That’s what you think. ...it's like Elvis..."
  (17:47, Father Guido Sarducci)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:07] – Becca and Stephen set up the episode, discuss revisiting classic segments.
• [03:06–06:39] – Reflection on Don Novello’s comedic background and influences.
• [07:48–10:49] – Discussion around the first American (Chicagoan) Pope and its implications.
• [11:47] – Father Guido Sarducci makes his grand entrance.
• [13:12–14:39] – Sarducci’s deadpan, surreal interview (smoking on TV, Conclave movie, hedgehog hunting).
• [16:12–17:30] – Frivolous history of papal elections, Conclave “miracles.”
• [17:32–18:25] – Papal conspiracy and the "return" of Benedict XVI.
• [18:41–19:27] – Running jokes about Sarducci’s missing Monsignor title and tattoo backstory.

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Conclusion

This episode brilliantly balances nostalgia and sharp wit, offering both diehard fans and new listeners a glimpse into the layers of satirical craft behind Father Guido Sarducci’s character. It’s a testament to Don Novello’s improvisational genius, Stephen Colbert’s reverence for comedy history, and the enduring subversiveness of well-played satire around institutions like the Church and the papacy. The segment is as much about joyously riffing as it is about poking fun at deep-seated human rituals.

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Listen to this episode for a masterclass in improvisational satire, irreverent humor, and a warm celebration of comedy’s past and present.

Transcript

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[Becca (Producer)]

Hi everybody. You're listening to I'm sorry, I apologize. You're listening to Stephen hydrating on the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. I'm Becca. I'm a producer here at the Late show.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're a great producer, Becca.

[Becca (Producer)]

Oh, Stephen, please.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is my highlight. I just do the show so we can have these things together once, like every five weeks we do this. They just fly, don't they? It feels like we're just in here.

[Becca (Producer)]

If you're new to the POD show. What we do is the show sometimes goes on a break, and when we're on break, we have Stephen come to the podcast booth, and we introduce. We introduce some content from the show so Stephen can give us a backstage glance at the stuff we do on tv.

[Stephen Colbert]

And often you kind of quiz me on who I think the guest is gonna be.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yes, indeed.

[Stephen Colbert]

Are we doing that this week?

[Becca (Producer)]

We got some quizzes for sure that we can do.

[Stephen Colbert]

What do we got for today?

[Becca (Producer)]

Okay, this is really special. This was a character that came onto our show for a very special Popey. Popey time.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, Father Guido Sarducci.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yes. That was not a good quiz, but I really wanted you to get a chance to talk about Don Novello. Yeah, Don Novello.

[Stephen Colbert]

Come on. Father Guido Sarducci. I'm a huge fan of Don Novello, who actually wrote for the Smothers Brothers.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can you imagine that room you got? Don Novello, Steve Martin. But who else was in that group? Oh, Super Dave Osborne, Albert Brooks, brother, who was Rob Reiner. Can you imagine that room? Mason Williams. Do you know who Mason Williams is?

[Becca (Producer)]

I don't know who Mason Will.

[Stephen Colbert]

Mason Williams. Well, all those guys came from the folk house, coffee house kind of scene where there would be comedy and folk music, and a lot of them were conceptual bits, but he played folk music and he wrote comedy. And so one night on the Smothers Brothers, they needed a musical act, and I guess somebody had backed out, and they said, mason, who was the head writer, I think goes, you play the guitar. Why don't you go out there and play some of that stuff you're always writing? And he went and played a song called Classical Gas.

[Becca (Producer)]

Oh.

[Stephen Colbert]

And it's fantastic. You don't know Classical Gas? Here, I'll play a little bit of it, and then we'll get sued for copyright infringement. I'm just gonna play just a little bit of it right here.

[Becca (Producer)]

Okay, great.

[Stephen Colbert]

And then they can just take it out. And if we find out that we don't have the rights, then just have, like, you know, a toy piano playing Camptown Races or something like that.

[Becca (Producer)]

Awesome. We'll do.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, so I got it right here. Classical Gas. Anything?

[Becca (Producer)]

Not yet.

[Stephen Colbert]

Right now it sounds like the soundtrack to, like, a Franco Zeffirelli movie, like Romeo and Juliet or something. Nothing. Here we go. Nothing.

[Becca (Producer)]

It sounds very familiar, but it's not so good. It's.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, it was a hit. It became a hit, and he just went out there on Smothers Brothers to play it. So no lyrics, no you used to be able to have instrumental hits.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah. What's up with that?

[Stephen Colbert]

Videos.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, Videos.

[Stephen Colbert]

You had to have somebody out there, be the sexy person standing out front. So you don't have many. There aren't a lot. After video started, you had a huge drop off. You're like in the 70s, you had that. You had popcorn.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. Booker T. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And the MGs.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

You had a fifth of Beethoven, which was a disco Beethoven.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. Fantastic.

[Stephen Colbert]

None of that. Anyway, back to Guido Sarducci. That jacket that he wore on the show he bought when he was working for the Smothers Brothers.

[Becca (Producer)]

Oh, man.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I think Sarducci was a character he brought to snl. Yeah, it was on SNL for years when. One of my favorites. It's a huge throwback. And I was a huge fan of Don Novello when I was in college because somebody gave me a copy of something called the Laszlo Letters. And the Laszlo Letters were this. There's a series of letters that Don Novello wrote in the character of a super patriot letter writer who complained to a lot of politicians and a lot of corporate interests about how America was being diminished by people not being proud enough of America. So, like, you know, make America great again, not a new idea. And that character, Lazlo Toth, was the name. Lazlo Toth, who at the time was the same name as the guy who took a hammer and tried to smash the face off of Mary Magdalene in.

[Becca (Producer)]

The Pieta at St Peter's Peter's name in the Brutalist.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. Evidently, Laszlo Toth in Hungary is. Is like St. John Smith. But Laszlo Toth was the Laszlo Letters. And there are two volumes, Laszlo I and Laszlo 2. And highly influential to my character on the Colbert Report. Like, it's nobody. People don't know the Laszlo Letters, but if you read them, you go, oh, I see what Stephen stole. And so I love Don Novello. And I ran into don at the SNL's 50th.

[Becca (Producer)]

Oh, cool.

[Stephen Colbert]

And we've been thinking of, like, I'd love to find some way to do something with Don. And so then when the Pope passed, I went, let's ask Don if he wants to do Guido. And it was fantastic.

[Becca (Producer)]

Amazing.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was such a great hit. And he's got his own style. Like, we wrote a full script for Don and then he came in the day of and went, I've got some ideas, like, whatever you want. And he rewrote it entirely.

[Becca (Producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And there really was no script at the end. I just Asked him questions and he answered in character what you're seeing. Like, I wasn't entirely sure what was about to happen.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So you're seeing Discovery. It was a complete joy.

[Becca (Producer)]

It was amazing to watch in rehearsal. Cause that vibe was absolutely happening.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Rehearsal was not what happened on the show either.

[Becca (Producer)]

No. Yeah. What is this man gonna say in his zebra print priestly outfit?

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly.

[Becca (Producer)]

So cool. Well, and this was before. This was during the Conclave or right before the Conclave. And now we have a Pope. Now we have a Chicago Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure. Robert Francis Prevost.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. From the south side.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. How you feel about Chicago Pope?

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm excited.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

First of all, I was. We had Father Jim Martin on the other night, and I said this to him, but I was. I never expected an American Pope. I didn't want an American Pope. You know what I mean? Because I don't. I think the American Church is already too politicized as it is. I don't like, you know, they got sucked into the culture wars when I don't think the church should be in culture wars. I think they should be. They should have cultural weight. But to actually get into the politics, to associate your church with a political party or to political fights is dangerous because. Not just because of separation of church and state, you know, or like violation of the supremacy clause or anything like that, but I really. And as much as I'm leery about religion getting into my politics, I'm really leery of politics getting into my religion. Because if, you know, if you associate with your God with a particular candidate, which is happening a lot, if you associate your God with a particular candidate and that candidate does something bad, you can't see it as bad because your God is on their side. And if your candidate loses, well, you must not have a very good God, because if your God was good, then your guy would never lose, in which case, ooh, maybe he didn't lose. Cause if God was on his side, it must have been the devil on the other side. Cheating, like, it's. That's incredibly dangerous, both politically, but also to spiritually. It's dangerous. So I didn't. So that's all a preamble to say. Cause all I do in these podcasts is preamble. I rarely get to the amble.

[Becca (Producer)]

It's a preamble cast. Yeah, it's a preamble.

[Stephen Colbert]

The pot amble. I didn't want there to be an American Pope. And then when we heard it was an American Pope, and also this guy, I'd Never heard of.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

I.

[Stephen Colbert]

Obviously, I was shocked, and then I was really surprised by how moved I was by it that there's gonna be an American Pope now and then to find out that he's Chicago. I know where I lived 11 years. You're Chicago. I loved it there. I love the people there. It's a fantastic city. It's got everything you'd want from a big city. It's not like New York, where literally, it has. Everything that is in the world is in New York City. If you can't find it in New York City at midnight, it probably is not a thing that exists. Whereas chicag, it's a world. Is a world city, and New York is the world. Chicago is a world city, but it's also clean. And the people there are not pretentious. They really understand that they're not New York and we're not Los Angeles. They're not stuck up. I don't know.

[Becca (Producer)]

They're just.

[Stephen Colbert]

They're kind and lovely, and they know how to make a nice sazich. They know how to make a nice brat. They know how to make a nice beef. And the Mickey and I sandwich.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Okay.

[Becca (Producer)]

I think we're on the same page where the Chicago background was really redeeming for me. Cause in the moment, we were all at work. We're all really excited, obviously, about this conclave and wondering who it's gonna be. There's so much theatrics of how this, like, process goes down, and all of.

[Stephen Colbert]

That is content for people who have to write jokes about what's happening on a daily basis. And it's not about the guy down in D.C. totally.

[Becca (Producer)]

That's what I mean. It was so exciting that the main part of the show that day was not anything about America, and then suddenly, it was a story about America.

[Stephen Colbert]

I know, but suddenly in a positive way.

[Becca (Producer)]

Exactly. No, it was a really interesting rollercoaster of emotions that day while we were all just, like, taped our faces taped to the TVs, waiting for that balcony to produce a person.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's quite an image.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. Honestly. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

So let's go meet Guido.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah, let's meet Guido. This is Father Guido Sarducci, played by Don Novello on the Late Show.

[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome back, everybody. Give it up for Louis Cato and the Late Show Band. There you go, Lewis. Folks, as I mentioned before, tomorrow is a big day for all the Pope Stans out there because it's the official start of the conclave. Over 100 cardinals have descended on Vatican City to hunker down until they select our new pope. Even though it has not started yet, we already have some leading contenders. The front runners include Cardinal Pietro Parolin, who was Pope Francis second in command, Cardinal Fridolin Mbongo Besongo, who is the Archbishop of Kinshasa, Zaire, Luis Antonio Tagle, the cardinal from the Philippines, and of course, the current Patriarch of Jerusalem, Pier Batista. Pizzaballa. Pizzaballa. Let me just say to the fine folks over at Domino's, if you are not currently developing a ball of pizza delivered by Popemobile, then get out of the pizza game, baby. And while everyone else is just speculating wildly about what will happen, thankfully, we here at the Late show have an inside source. Please welcome senior gossip columnist for the Vatican Enquirer, Father Guido Sarducci. Ciao. Ciao, Padre.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Thank you. Please.

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci. Longtime fan.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

I know. Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

What an honor to have you here, Father Sarducci. Thank you for joining us. But I'm sorry, Father, you can't smoke on network television.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Oh, for action today.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, I mean, I got one here, and actually, you can't smoke.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

You know, that's changed the rules. Network tv. You can smoke menthol.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can smoke. Why menthol?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Kennedy just came out and said this. Robert Kennedy Jr. It's got vitamin C in it, and it's good for polio.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really? Kennedy said that? It's good for polio?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

If you have polio or if you don't want to get it, then you smoke at the menthol.

[Stephen Colbert]

You saw the movie Conclave?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes, I did.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is it that intriguing? Is the movie Conclave accurate?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

It's boring. I think it was. You know, and the Conclave.

[Stephen Colbert]

The movie was boring.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Both. Both.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. All right. So what would make it less boring?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Well, you know what? I think they should make it animated. If that movie was animated.

[Stephen Colbert]

If Conclave had been animated.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Right. Like the hedgehog movie.

[Stephen Colbert]

Like Sonic the Hedgehog?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes, yes. I mean, that used to. See how he moves real fast. If the cardinals would move like that, you know, it could be a half hour shorter. The movie Porco Spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

What?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Porco Spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's that?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

That's what we call hedgehog in Italian. Porco spiro.

[Stephen Colbert]

Porco Spiro.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

It's a delicacy.

[Stephen Colbert]

You eat hedgehogs in Italy?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes. And they're hard to. They're very expensive because they're hard to shoot, because they move. So you see the movie, it moves so fast.

[Stephen Colbert]

Real hedgehogs move that fast?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

They do. Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

So how do you. If you're gonna eat them. How do you.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Well, they call it chumming. It's a terrible way.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's not chumming.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes. They go to the top of the mountain, put, like, corn on the cob, lima beans, you know, and they feed it. They go away, and then the hedgehogs come out, you know, and they eat. The next day, they bring them more. Two weeks later, they say they're waiting for them, and they could almost touch them. And then they hit him over the head with a baseball bat. That's how it goes.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really? The Italians, That.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes. It's not hunting? You call it hunting?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, I. No, I don't. I don't call that. I don't call that hunting. I don't know.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

And then we.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't know. Wait. I didn't know they played baseball in Italy.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Well, they have baseball bats to hit the hogs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

How do you. They don't know for baseball. They just know you get to put the. You know, the penis.

[Stephen Colbert]

So how do they. How do you cook? How do you cook?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

What they do is then you pound it and you bread it. Put breading on it, and they call it porco spiro Milanese. That's what it's called.

[Stephen Colbert]

That sounds like a little lemon. Maybe squeeze a little lemon on top on the lemon.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

The caper.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's fantastic.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Delicious.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. And then you can. You can order that anywhere in Italy.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

No, it's homemade, mostly, you know. Okay. Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

So let's talk about the contenders, like the Papa Bill, the ones who are leading right now.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Is there a front runner? Who do you think has the best chance?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Well, there's a number of front runners, but anybody could get it, you know? I mean, really, it happens. In the past, there was a conclave, like 1750s. Everybody knows this story. And there was, like, months, for months, they would have, you know, 90 ballots. These guys just want to go home, you know, but they can't take anybody, you know, and they're all eating, you know, eating the minestrone soup. And there's this fly comes. Buzz, buzz all around the room, you know, and everybody look. And then he lands in this cardinal soup. Cardinal Bastolo, his name is landed in the soup. And they think it's a miracle he chose him to be Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. That's how it happens sometimes.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

It's the Holy Spirit. Wow. And then they all sing, you know, he's a jolly good fellow, and they make him the Pope.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't know that. Really? In Latin. How jolly fellow?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

In Latin, you know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure. Felix. Omo, right. Yeah. Yeah, the happy man.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Then the next conclave, somebody, one cardinal, he brought his own fly. You know, he thought he's gonna fool him. Snuck in a fly, he wanted to put his own. What a creep. You know, could put their own. A fly in their own soup.

[Stephen Colbert]

So who do you think is gonna be the next Pope?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Well, I predict. I think it's fixed.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, really? The fixes end?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

I think so, yes. Benedict XVI is gonna be the Pope again. That's my prediction.

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci, Benedict XVI is dead.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

That's what you think.

[Stephen Colbert]

He's not dead.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

It's a rumor. No, you know, it's like Elvis. You know, he's had. Gone away. They say, you know, conspiracy. He's not. They say he's living.

[Stephen Colbert]

But we saw his funeral.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yes, but no one has seen him since his funeral.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, so to recap, we believe that Benedict is still alive and he's gonna be Pope again.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

If he becomes Pope again, what will his papal name be?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

He's going to take the name. They're going to say habunus un papa.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

He's going to take the name Benedict XVI II.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

I think it's all Benedict 16 squared, maybe.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Squared.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. Well, I mean, once again, Father Saducci, thank you for being here. Thank you. It's an honor to talk to you and to get the inside story on what's happening over there in the Vatican.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Before you go. You've been covering the Vatican for decades. You're a beloved figure. Why aren't you a Monsignor yet?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

I don't know. You know, I don't know. It keeps screwing me over. You know, I don't know why you applied. You're what I keep being. They say the next group. Next group? Yeah, you know, and then they said, you can't have a tattoo.

[Stephen Colbert]

You have a tattoo.

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

I had it removed, so I should be eligible again.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do you mind if I ask What. Can you tell me what the tattoo is?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

No, not. No, but it's removed.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's removed. Okay. Can you at least tell me, was it a religious symbol?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

Not my religious symbol, but.

[Stephen Colbert]

Was it a. Was it a Grateful Dead skull?

[Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)]

How did you know this? What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Father Sarducci, thank you so much for being here. Father Guido Sarducci. That's an exclusive. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Is trying to frame us until our names are cleared.

[Brett Podolsky]

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[Stephen Colbert]

NCIS Tony and Ziva streaming September 4th on Paramount Plus.