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If you're an experienced pet owner, you already know that having a pet is 25% belly rubs, 25% yelling drop it. And 50% groaning at the bill from every pet visit. Which is why Lemonade pet insurance is tailor made for your pet and can save you up to 90% on vet bills. It can help cover checkups, emergencies, diagnostics, basically all the stuff that makes your bank account get nervous. Claims are filed super easily through the Lemonade app and half get settled instantly. Get a'@lemonade.com pet and they'll help cover the vet bill for whatever your pet swallowed after you yelled drop it.
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Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah, give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront.
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Payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy taxes and fees extra.
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See mint mobile.com it's the late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.
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Folks, if you watch this show, you know that I spend most of my time right over there in the Ile Idana sauteing aromatics with bay leaves and blended ato rodo and bell peppers which I season with bouillon then boil with ireci to prepare for you the Nigerian Jollof rice. That is my monologue. But sometimes after getting caught match fixing Lower east side Muay Thai fights, I scramble behind the taste where I dump the rice from a half eaten crunchwrap supreme into an empty tuna can with a slice of wiener I stole from a crow and heated over a sewer grate to make the drifter jambalaya of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile stay. That's it. That's the only nutrition I need. Meanwhile, McDonald's you know their slogan. Ba da ba ba da. The ice cream machine is out of.
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Service.
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This holiday season. McDonald's is introducing a new limited edition adult happy meal called the Grinch Meal. Fitting because if you eat enough McDonald's your heart will also grow three sizes. It's the company's first Dr. Seuss collab since its short lived filet O1 fish, 2 fish, red fish, blue fish. They lost so much money, that's. That's too many fish. Although the advertising is sending mixed messages, here's The Grinch with a bag of fries that says all for me. Weird thing to say about something you're actively attempting to sell. Reminds me of that old Men's Warehouse slogan. You're gonna like the way I look. Meanwhile, in Louis. Really, really. Don't. Don't spoil us. Meanwhile, in Louisiana, a man couldn't pay for airport parking, so he allegedly called in a bomb threat lot. That is brilliant. Wrong, but brilliant and wrong. Also brilliant and wrong. Now, the man could face up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. Of course he wants to get out of paying that fin. He might have a plan. Meanwhile, Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry have gone Instagram official with their relationship. As an American, I cannot stand for a Canadian maple tapping one of our American pop stars. An American ex politician needs to step up to steal the heart of a Canadian music star, Hillary Clinton. You know what to do. Meanwhile, grocery store chain Lidl has released a new fragrance for some reason, and you can now smell just like Lidl's 49 cent croissants. Finally. I'm so tired of stuffing my armpits with King's Hawaiian rolls. They're comfy. Gets gummy. Meanwhile, new research is exploring why constantly checking your phone can drain your focus and memory. The goose and the dog are friends. Oh, the goose is riding the dog. Now, What's my name? Stephen Colbert. There you go, Stephen Colbert. They got the ear right. Look. Look at this. Look at this. They even got the ear right. That's amazing. Meanwhile, a wolf in British Columbia was filmed fishing, pulling in a crab pot from the water and eating the bait, which experts say is the first documented instance of a wild wolf using a tool, though it is not the first instance of a wolf being a tool.
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More Meanwhile after this.
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Folks, if you watch the show, you know that I spend most of my time right over there in the news atelier cutting and shaping the most topical Venezia calf leather into a compact construction with eight card slots and two side slip pockets. Then giving a fine cacao intenso patina with debossing to make for you. The elegant Bertluti Scritto bifold wallet is my monologue. But sometimes I crash my getaway backhoe into a culvert where I stitch some engine wire as a drawstring through a flap of a torn gravel sack and roam the byways collecting roadkill knuckle bones in the scrounge pouch of news. That is my segment. Meanwhile, that's the only Christmas gift I need. This is the only gift Santa's got in his pouch this year. Meanwhile, in San Francisco on Monday, a woman gave birth to inside a Waymo self driving car. Both mother and baby are still circling the parking lot of a Joann fabrics won't let them out. Meanwhile, Pizza Hut has designed a new holiday onesie that costs $90. It features the Pizza Hut logo and winter designs. The onesie is part of their seasonal triple treat box, which contains two medium one topping pizzas and a choice of dessert. That's right, the triple treat box contains four items. Cause Pizza Hut's not bound by your rules, grandpa. Their slogan is nobody out pizzas. The Hut, they made pizza a verb. You want pizza by the book? Why don't you and that stick up your ass head over to Domino's. This is Pizza Hut's house. How dare you. The colorful onesies come in men's and women's sizes. Perfect for date nights when you want to snuggle up and have zero access to each other's genitals. Yep. Yep. Meanwhile, burger chain In N Out has officially removed the number 67 from its ordering system after the viral 67 trend. If you're not familiar with the 67 trend, can I crawl inside your brain and live there? That's not all. The chain has also banned the number 69 from its ticket system. Really? Really. You're going to lose the number 69, but keep the name in and out. In other six seven news. You've heard of pardoning turkeys? Well, down in Miami, they have a different tradition. And a pig named Six Seven was pardoned by the Miami Dade mayor. Which sounds cute until you find out he was pardoned for murder. Yeah, he strangled a guy over a gambling debt. The guy would have paid him. Just needed more time. Pig wouldn't listen. And now it's free. Thanks, Mayor of Miami Dade. You pardoned a murderer. He would have been delicious.
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Oh, no.
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I'm the murderer. Well, pardon me. Meanwhile, none of it. I want you to know the actual written part of that joke ended about 45 seconds ago. But I liked it so much that I inflicted it on you. Meanwhile, you're welcome. Oh, you're welcome. You don't have to thank me. I love the sound of my own voice. Meanwhile, if you're wondering how monogamous are humans, a study ranks us between meerkats and beavers. At the top of the monogamy table was the California deer mouse. And the least monogamous was the Scottish soway sheep, which explains the vibe of this photo. Me and the wife notice you across the moor and we we like your vibe, huh? You want to get woolly? You want to get Meanwhile, New York City just tied its record for the longest stretch without a homicide, which is good news. I gotta admit, that's good news. The bad news is New Yorkers still measure time by how long it's been since we were murdered. Meanwhile, in well, it was worth a try news after being arrested, a Florida man claims he was teleported into a stolen BMW by X Men, telling police, you saved me from the aliens. Hey, he was just exercising his Miranda rights. You have the right to remain silent. Or you could do a fun one. Meanwhile, a lineman rescued a bear from an Arizona utility pole. There he is, carefully approaching to prod the bear until it climbs down and scampers off. Reached for comment, the bear said, hey, I was just trying to route a primary line through the new single phase transformer with some jag bag started poking me with a stick. Why do I even have a union? Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.
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Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry. A gift that tells a story and shows you know theirs that doesn't just sparkle but speaks. This season, give a gift that's perfectly theirs. Whether you're shopping for a shiny surprise for your significant other, matching bracelets to celebrate your friendship, or a heartfelt gift for a family member, say more this holiday season with pandora. Shop@pandora.net or your local Pandora store.
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