Nick Offerman | Arch Madness

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Nick Offerman | Arch Madness
Date: October 17, 2025
Guest: Nick Offerman

Episode Overview

This episode balances Stephen Colbert’s signature satirical monologue on current politics—focusing on Trump’s plans for a "Triumphal Arch" in D.C. and GOP controversies—with a warm, humorous interview with actor, woodworker, and author Nick Offerman. Colbert and Offerman revisit the “Community Calendar” segment for Minooka, Illinois, and dive into Offerman’s latest woodworking book for children, discussing family, craft, and the value of hands-on creation in a tech-saturated world.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Monologue: National Bosses Day, Trump’s Vanity Projects, and GOP Controversies

[02:05 – 13:16]

Main Points

• National Bosses Day Jokes: Colbert wryly celebrates the new Paramount CEO, pokes fun at office small talk, and riffs on gifting awkward silences to one’s boss.

  • "I want to take a moment to celebrate my new boss, Paramount CEO David Ellison. Mr. Ellison, I love you. That ought to buy us a couple more months." (02:28)

• Trump’s ‘Triumphal Arch’: Colbert skewers Trump for displaying a neoclassical arch model at a donor dinner, comparing it to dictatorial architectural vanity projects, and jokes about Trump claiming to invent arches.

  • "Announcing your own triumphal arch is textbook dictator." (05:51)
  • "The President also invented the inclined plane and the concept of fear." (06:13)

• Propaganda Video Debacle: Trump’s team shares a video purportedly showing violence in Chicago, but the footage is revealed to be from other states. Colbert satirizes the “oopsie fakie” approach.

  • "If you want to prove the real dangers of Chicago, just show a deep dish pizza, okay? It can kill you slowly over years, or... instantly if you don't have a snorkel." (07:09)

• GOP Swastika Scandal: Colbert dissects the fallout from a swastika flag found in a Republican congressional office and the party’s comical attempts at damage control, including claims of an "optical illusion."

  • "Looks like we gotta reset the sign. Days since last Republican Nazi thing. Zero." (09:22)
  • "That's like going to your Aunt Diane's beach house and having her claim she doesn't really believe it's wine o'clock somewhere." (10:36)
  • "If the extremely tidy vandal excuse seems lame, wait till you hear what they trotted out next." (10:53)

2. Community Calendar: Minooka, Illinois

[14:19 – 19:28]

Main Points

• Revisiting Minooka: Nick Offerman (who grew up in Minooka, IL) returns for a fresh round of Community Calendar events—following up on a similar segment from nine years ago.

  • Colbert: "Wait, are you saying more things have happened in Minooka, Illinois since then?"
    Offerman: "I'm afraid so." (15:14–15:20)

• Actual (and hilarious) events covered include:

  • Chair Yoga at Minooka Library (Oct 30):
    "Perfect way for your recliner to limber up and stop being such a lazy boy." (16:16)
  • Conspiracy Scavenger Hunt in Joliet:
    "Or at least that’s what they want you to believe." (16:20)
  • Annual Halloween Parade:
    "...passing out literature and candy. So stop by for some Three Musketeers and the Three Musketeers." (16:34)
  • Viking Strength Challenge (Nov 15):
    "Second place will get loaded onto a boat and set on fire." (16:48)
  • Kids' Haunted Birdhouse Project:
    "Bring a pre-murdered bird, preferably one with a vengeful spirit and unfinished business." (17:07)
  • Pop the Balloon Speed Dating (Oct 29):
    "Perfect for anyone who enjoys rejection paired with loud noises." (17:27)
  • Adults-Only Naughty Bingo:
    "Watch Bad Jeff take out a ball and announce i69." (17:52)
  • Autumn Resonance Sound Journey & Gong Wash (Oct 24):
    "I have an extremely filthy gong because I lent it to Bad Jeff." (18:15)
  • Moonlight Horseback Ride & Chili Supper:
    "Come on out and blame your farts on a horse." (19:02)
  • Notable Wrap-up Quote:
    Offerman: "If you are experiencing events in your Grundy area, consult a physician." (19:22)

3. Interview: Nick Offerman on Family, Woodworking, and “Little Woodchucks”

[20:42 – 31:08]

Main Discussion Points

• On New Book “Little Woodchucks”:

  • Guide to tools for children and families, encouraging hands-on skills and togetherness without screens.
  • Colbert: "Your new book is Little Woodchucks Offerman Woodchuck's Guide to Tools and Tomfoolery." (21:12)
  • Offerman: "Because I know a lot of grown up woodchucks who also don't know how to use tools." (21:22)
  • Family tradition—learning by doing and sharing skills with each generation.

• Childhood Memories of Tool Use:

  • Trying out the chainsaw as a birthday rite of passage, failing the first few years due to the weight.
    • Offerman: "Every year, dad would try me out on the chainsaw on my birthday." (21:48)
    • Colbert: "How does one fail? Chainsaw."
      Offerman: "It's very heavy." (22:04–22:09)

• Philosophy of Making:

  • Value of good work, family collaboration, and skills that outlast trends.
  • Offerman: "Learning to do things together as a family that require no screens, that require eye contact and feeling. Feeling the strength. Like taking your measure." (22:20)
  • On the importance of making things: "That's the thing. When you learn how to use tools ... and you learn how to make things with your family, somebody's gonna be good at it and somebody's gonna be bad at it, but... you don't find out these things until you get in the shop and play with each other." (29:56)

• First Proud Woodworking Project:

  • Blanket chest for a girlfriend in high school, inscribed with a (slightly modified) Bible verse.
    • Offerman: "A time to weep, a time to laugh. A time to pork. ... A time to plow." (23:30)
    • Colbert: "Did you get the kiss?"
      Offerman: "I got kissed." (24:07–24:09)

• On Sharp Tools and Safety:

  • Advocates for sharp tools, explains safety practices, and why dull blades are more dangerous.
    • Offerman: "It's a common misconception that you don't want to give a sharp tool to a kid ... But if you use a sharp blade and the right techniques, then it's much safer. And it carves like butter." (24:29–25:19)

• Wendell Berry's Influence:

  • Shares Berry’s quote: “It all turns on affection” and “good work is our joy and salvation.” (25:31–26:01)
    • Offerman: "Good work is our joy and salvation." (26:01)
    • Ties woodworking to a deeper purpose of service, authenticity, and knowing the sources and impact of what we create and consume.

• Favorite Wood to Work With:

  • American white oak (quercus alba) for its versatility—a ship or a barrel for whiskey.
    • Offerman: "If I can only work with one wood, ... the catch all is quercus alba, the white oak. American white oak." (28:41)
    • Colbert: "Perhaps Lagavulin."
      Offerman: "I mean, to name one." (29:17)

• Making for Loved Ones:

  • The most special item made for his wife, Megan—heart-shaped walnut box for his proposal.
    • Offerman: "I made a heart shaped walnut box that held the ring with which I proposed to her. And, you know, it worked." (29:44)
    • Colbert: "You got the kiss."
      Offerman: "Yeah." (29:55)

• Human Connection & Anti-Algorithm Advocacy:

  • Encourages human skill, agency, and connection over automated or AI-driven interactions.
    • Offerman: "Our society is telling us you should stop thinking. You should turn over your agency to AI and software and algorithms. And I rage against that. ... I don't want a robot to tell my mom and dad that I love them. I want to tell them with a nice sawhorse that I've made them." (29:56–30:58)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Colbert, on the swastika controversy:

  • "That's like going to your Aunt Diane's beach house and having her claim she doesn't really believe it's wine o'clock somewhere." (10:36)

• Offerman, on family making traditions:

  • "In a family that makes things together, that's part of your training ... That's what this book is all about, is like learning to do things together as a family that require no screens, that require eye contact and feeling." (22:20)

• On sharp tools and safety:

  • "If you use a sharp blade and the right techniques, then it's much safer. And it carves like butter." (25:19)

• Offerman quoting Wendell Berry:

  • "Good work is our joy and salvation." (26:01)

• Offerman, on technology vs. craftsmanship:

  • "I want to maintain my human independence. My clumsy, stupid voice does me very well. Like, I don't want a robot to tell my mom and dad that I love them. I want to tell them with a nice sawhorse that I've made them." (29:56)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Monologue & Trump/GOP bits: 02:05 – 13:16
• Community Calendar: Minooka, IL: 14:19 – 19:28
• Nick Offerman Interview: 20:42 – 31:08

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Tone, Style, and Flow

The episode maintains the Late Show’s blend of biting political satire, affectionate ribbing, and heartwarming comedic sincerity. Colbert and Offerman’s banter is wry, gentle, and deeply rooted in Midwestern humility and humor—even as they lampoon the week’s most surreal political news.

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For New Listeners

If you’ve never heard the show, this episode is a great snapshot: news humor with a point, a loving look at small-town America, and an extended, inspiring chat about family, craft, and staying present in the modern world. Offerman’s practical wisdom and Colbert’s comedic timing combine for an engaging, memorable hour.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Welcome one and all in here, out there, all around the world to the Late Show. I'm your host Stephen Colbert and ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight. I join you tonight in a celebratory mood because as you know, today is National Bosses Day. I hope you all treated your boss to their favorite gift. Two minutes of awkward chit chat until the elevator arrives. Remember to say your kids names so they don't have to. And I want to take a moment to celebrate my new boss, Paramount CEO David Ellison. Mr. Ellison, I love you. That ought to buy us a couple more months. There you go. Speaking of bosses. Speaking of bosses, there's a guy who thinks he's all of ours. Last night, Trump hosted a dinner to thank all the companies that have dished out cash for his big, frilly Cinderella White House ballroom, including representatives from Meta, Amazon, Comcast, Google, and Apple.

[Commercial Announcer]

What?

[Stephen Colbert]

Every tech company gave Trump money. Well, fine, I don't need those companies. I'll do my Internet searches the old fashioned way with a land turkey chili recipe. I think they fax it later.

[Nick Offerman]

I don't know.

[Stephen Colbert]

Trump told the execs that while he's been working on his ballroom, he's also been doing other White House touch ups.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

We have little things like at the Lincoln Bedroom, the bathroom was done by the Truman family. It's a style that's not good. Art deco doesn't go with, you know, 1850 and civil wars and all of the problem. But what does do is statuary marble. So we, I ripped it apart and we built the bathroom.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

It's absolutely gorgeous and totally in keeping with that time.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's a bathroom totally in keeping with the time of, of Abraham Lincoln. So it's a hole in the ground, a roll of birch bark. What am I doing? What's this hand doing? Where are you, where are you going? Oh, no. Thanks to these titans of industry for funding his big dumb vanity project. He also offered them a chance to get in on his next one. Plans to build a large triumphal arch in the Capitol. It's actually. No, it's actually lovely. It's actually a set of two arches. And I'm told we have the architectural rendering. There you go. Had to race to that one. Kind of like, ha.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Let's go.

[Stephen Colbert]

Ha ha ha. Get to the punchline. The audience is coming. Beat him to the punchline.

[Nick Offerman]

There you go.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. The arch actually that he wants to build is a big neoclassical thing to go in the heart of Washington. At the dinner, he displayed a scale model of the arch. I'm sorry, that's the neoclassical arch that Hitler wanted to build. That's Adolf there meeting with the young Republicans. Here's.

[Commercial Announcer]

Trump.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here's Trump showing off his arch. Last night. He actually had. That's one. He had several models, so the sizes.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Would be very different. Now here's Lincoln. And this is sort of facing this way. And so, you know, there's a direct line. They did this they didn't do that. So this would be. I go small, medium and large, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

He sounds like a little kid showing off his room. And this and this over here, this is. And this is Pikachu. He actually has. He actually has three sizes. He has pichu, he has Pikachu, and Ray Chew, his final evolution. Of course, he needs the Thunderstone for that. And my parents say I have to wait for my birthday. Announcing your own triumphal arch is textbook dictator. Especially since Trump's lackeys are saying he came up with the design. The design. It's an arch. The arch. We've had them for thousands of years. The President also invented the inclined plane and the concept of fear. Of course, dictators are famous for their propaganda campaigns. And to justify his invasion of an American city, Trump's gone way out of his way to paint Chicago as a war zone with videos like, Chicago desperately needs help.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

We don't want to lose Chicago. We're going to lose Chicago. We want to save these places. We're going to lose them. We're not going to allow this kind of savagery to destroy our society anymore. We're stopping it one by one.

[Stephen Colbert]

I can't believe that's what Chicago looks like now, because it doesn't. The Internet folks quickly discovered, the people online quickly discovered that it's actually footage from Florida, Texas, South Carolina, and Nebraska. Whoopsie fakie. If you want to prove the real dangers of Chicago, just show a deep dish pizza, okay? It can kill you slowly over years, or if you lose your footing at Lou Malnati's and fall headfirst in instantly if you don't have a snorkel. The White House has now taken the video down, but before they did, they were able to download the extended cut. Yvonne, they need help badly.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Chicago desperately needs help. We don't want to lose Chicago. We're going to lose Chicago. We want to save these folks. We're not going to allow this kind of savagery to destroy the society anymore. We're stopping at doing, one by one.

[Stephen Colbert]

The gop. It's terrifying. It's truly chilling. Truly chilling. GOP still in frantic damage control after a leak of thousands of deeply disturbing texts from a young Republican group known as Young Republicans that included things like Young Republican leader Peter Junta telling his colleagues, I love Hitler. If you think that's bad, you should see his Valentine's cards he sent out last year. Roses are red, violets are blue. I wish we had lost World War II. Of course, this was just a tiny sample of 28,000 text messages. It's not like American flags with swastikas were being found in Republican congressmen's offices until yesterday when American flag with a swastika was found in Republican congressman's office. Yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid so. Looks like we gotta reset the sign. Days since last Republican Nazi thing. Zero. It's good for safety. It's important for safety. Okay, let's take a look at this thing. Okay. There it is. Right over his shoulder. That's definitely a swastika. Possibly Kanye's next album cover. That image was screenshotted during a virtual meeting with an Ohio congressman staffer. There's no better time than right now to remind everybody. Go to your zoom settings and select Blur my true feelings about Nazis. The office in question belongs to Ohio congressman and business hernia Dave Taylor. Taylor was shocked. Shocked. ICE saying the content of that image does not reflect the values or standards of this office. Then why is it on the wall of your office? That's like going to your Aunt Diane's beach house and having her claim she doesn't really believe it's wine o'. Clock. Somewhere. Speaker Mike Johnson. He weighed in. Speaker Mike Johnson claimed that the staffer claimed that the flag did not belong to him. But at the same time, the spokesperson for the congressman called it foul play or vandalism. Yes, a mysterious vandal snuck into their office, found this guy's cubicle, got out the thumbtacks, moved his favorite Thai restaurant menu to the other side, and pinned the swastika flag at a place of honor next to where some other vandal had pinned the Constitution. The same vandal also snuck into the break room and put up a poster that says heil in there to get to the bottom of it. They're gonna get to the bottom of it. It's a mystery to get to the bottom of it. Congressman Taylor immediately directed a thorough investigation alongside the Capitol police investigation. This isn't that much of a mystery. Ladies and gentlemen, I have locked the doors to the drawing room, for I have concluded that the murderer is amongst us. He's the guy covered in blood, currently stabbing the corpse while screaming, daddy loves his stabbing. You can unlock the doors now. If the extremely tidy vandal excuse seems lame, wait till you hear what they trotted out next. Several insiders have now told reporters that the swastika flag was an optical illusion containing a hidden pattern only visible on camera, but hard to see with the naked eye. It sounds crazy, but let me tell you, as a television professional, I have to assure you that it is possible. I have a flag. I have a flag right here. Okay. I have a flag right here that looks like a normal American flag to the naked eye, as I can see it. But evidently on camera you can see a pattern.

[Commercial Announcer]

What?

[Stephen Colbert]

I can't. I can't see what it. Do you see it? I don't see. I don't see anything. The claim is that some group was handing out these to congressional offices and one office staffer said the swastika on their flag was clear, so they tossed it out. Yeah, they're pretty easy to spot. Which explains the failure of the children's book Where's Swastika? Speaker Mike Johnson. Mike Johnson was asked about the GOP's.

[Nick Offerman]

Current.

[Stephen Colbert]

And he denied that it reflected the party's values.

[Nick Offerman]

I will say, obviously that is not the principles of the Republican Party.

[Stephen Colbert]

We fought the Nazis. We defended that evil ideology. Yes, and apparently you're still defending it, which raises the question, if Mike Johnson had a time machine, would he use it to go back and kiss baby Hitler? You know what? Let's move that counter to negative one. We got a great show for you tonight.

[Commercial Announcer]

More Late show pod show after this.

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Stephen Colbert]

You know, I'm so lucky to be doing this show and to be doing it here in New York. But it turns out there are actually other places that are not New York. And I, I love America's small towns. I always have. Which is why I do a segment called Community Calendar where our guests and I talk about actual events that are happening in and around their actual hometowns. We've. We've celebrated wonderful places like Stillwater Oklahoma with James Marsden. And Mishawaka, Indiana with Adam Driver.

[Nick Offerman]

Manuka, Illinois with Nick Offerman.

[Stephen Colbert]

Good to see. Once you please. Nick Offerman, Nickelodette.

[Nick Offerman]

Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nick, you're abso. You're right. We already did a community calendar for Minooka, Illinois.

[Nick Offerman]

That's right. But that was nine years ago, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wait, are you saying that more things have happened in Minooka, Illinois since then?

[Nick Offerman]

I'm afraid so.

[Stephen Colbert]

Then it's time for another edition of Minooka, Illinois's Community Calendar. Welcome to Community Calendar, your source for what's happening in and around Minooka, Illinois. Joining me is local boy who probably always seemed like a middle aged man, Nick Offerman.

[Nick Offerman]

Thank you, Stephen. And as we like to say in Manuka, when you're a Manukan, there's nothing you Manu can't do.

[Stephen Colbert]

So true. Now let's take a look at some actual upcoming events in Minooka and the Greater Grundy county regional area. On October 30, the Minooka branch library will host chair yoga. Perfect way for your recliner to limber up and stop being such a lazy boy.

[Nick Offerman]

All this month. Over in Joliet, you can check out the Conspiracy Scavenger hunt that's happening at the intersection of Ottawa and Clinton streets. Or at least that's what they want you to believe.

[Stephen Colbert]

This Saturday, it's Minooka's annual Halloween parade where local groups will be passing out literature and candy. So stop by for some Three Musketeers and the Three Musketeers.

[Nick Offerman]

On Saturday, November 15, it's the Viking Strength Challenge where you can compete in Viking events like lifting logs and stones, flipping tires and pushing sleds. The winner will get a trophy. Second place will get loaded onto a boat and set on fire.

[Stephen Colbert]

On Sunday, the Minooka Library hosts a kids art project where they can make haunted birdhouses. Participants are encouraged to bring a pre murdered bird, preferably one with a vengeful spirit and unfinished business here on the earthly plane.

[Nick Offerman]

Are you single and also impatient? Then you might want to attend Pop the Balloon Speed Dating on October 29 when meeting other singles. Participants will pop their balloons if they are not interested. Perfect for anyone who enjoys rejection paired with loud noises.

[Stephen Colbert]

Next Friday, Minooka Sports Bar hosts the adults only. Eventually Naughty Bingo with Bad Jeff. So stop on by and watch Bad Jeff take out a ball and announce i69.

[Nick Offerman]

Nice. On Friday the 24th at EMT Massage and Wellness, it's the Autumn Resonance Sound Journey and Gong Wash. And just in time. I have an extremely filthy gong because I lent it to Bad Jeff.

[Stephen Colbert]

The sound journey includes a healing cosmic soundscape of singing bowls, drums, rattles, didgeridoo, flute chimes, hand pan and gong. Participants are encouraged to bring anything they need to make the experience more enjoyable. So earplugs or molly.

[Nick Offerman]

Finally, tomorrow night at Millbrook Trail Rides, there's a moonlight horseback ride with chili supper. So come on out and blame your farts on a horse.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, that's all the time we have for events in Minooka, Illinois and the greater Grundy county area.

[Nick Offerman]

If you are experiencing events in your Grundy area, consult a physician.

[Stephen Colbert]

We'll be right back with Nick Offerman.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Stephen Colbert]

Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Emmy award winning act, New York Times best selling author and professional woodworker. Please welcome back to the Late Show. Nick Offerman. Good to see you.

[Nick Offerman]

You do me great honor.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, you do us great honor by being here. We got the new book right here. I'm very excited. I wish I had a little woodchuck to give this one to. Your new book is Little Woodchucks Offerman Woodchuck's Guide to Tools and Tomfoolery.

[Nick Offerman]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

An introduction to Woodworking for Kids. How old were you when you first started working with the tools?

[Nick Offerman]

Well, my folks started teaching me to use tools around when my whiskers came in. So four or five and you know, little woodchucks ages six to 60. Because I know a lot of grown up woodchucks who also don't know how to use tools.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sure.

[Nick Offerman]

I was, I was probably 8 or 9 when my dad and my uncles and my grandpa, you know, started Seeing if I could reach the gas pedal on the pickup truck. Or every year, dad would try me out on the chainsaw on my birthday.

[Stephen Colbert]

Try you out on the chainsaw? What does that mean?

[Nick Offerman]

Well, you don't want to just throw me out there in the woods. You want to make sure I'm not going to cut my foot off. So I failed the first few years.

[Stephen Colbert]

How does one fail? Chainsaw.

[Nick Offerman]

It's very heavy.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh.

[Nick Offerman]

So you got to be able to pick it up and hold it and exhibit confidence and safe practices.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Could you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Could you actually.

[Nick Offerman]

That's part of it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Start part of it.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay.

[Nick Offerman]

But, I mean, that's the thing in a. In a family that makes things together. That's part of your training, is you. Your kid sees you baking bread or sewing a button on your shirt, and eventually they want to do that, too, and they understand that that's part of being in a family. And so that's what this book is all about, is like learning to do things together as a family that require no screens, that require eye contact and feeling. Feeling the strength. Like taking your measure. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I'll send you up on the roof. You can do some shingling.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Offerman]

There you go.

[Commercial Announcer]

All right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Very nice.

[Nick Offerman]

I'll hold the ladder.

[Stephen Colbert]

I gotta hit that. There you go. Well, do you remember the first time you made something you were really proud of out of wood?

[Nick Offerman]

Yeah. I mean, I got to help my dad do a lot of stuff, you know, So I was kind of. I always felt like a kid helping dad or uncle. Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And you were handy.

[Nick Offerman]

Uncle Dan or Uncle Don. And I was becoming handy, you know, but it wasn't in high school. I made a blanket chest for a girlfriend.

[Stephen Colbert]

A blanket chest, like foot of the bed, kind of like.

[Nick Offerman]

Yeah, it was. I saw plans for it somewhere, and on the inside of the lid, I burned. I was trying to get kissed. I wood burned. A bible verse. Ecclesiastes, 3, 4. Time to weep, time to laugh. A time to pork. And it's a time. It's a time to.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love. I love the King James translation, so they say Shakespeare worked on that.

[Nick Offerman]

She was a dancer. So there's. One of them. Is dance.

[Stephen Colbert]

To dance.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

Okay.

[Nick Offerman]

And also. Or plow. The. Time to dance. A time to plow.

[Stephen Colbert]

Slight difference. A subtle difference there. And did you get the kiss?

[Nick Offerman]

I got kissed.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

All right.

[Nick Offerman]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Sell me, sell me. You've already sold me on why we should give the. The sharp things to children. Now, something people may not understand is that sharp is actually important. Sharp is Safe.

[Nick Offerman]

That's right. It's a common misconception that you don't want to give a sharp tool to a kid. First of all, when we're using tools or you're around farm equipment, anytime that's the case, no matter who you are, we say, safety first. We're going to protect our eyes and our ears. You say, this is a chisel. That's a saw. That's a combine. Don't put your hand in it. You know, it'll hurt your feelings. So we take it dead seriously. And with kids, like in the book, we teach them to whittle twigs and make them into little animals. It's one of the first projects. And if you use a dull blade, which you think, oh, that'll be safer, I'll give him a dull blade. Imagine trying to carve something with a butter knife. You have to use more muscle, and you're more likely to slip and poke yourself. But if you use a sharp blade and the right techniques, then it's much safer. And it carves like butter.

[Stephen Colbert]

A razor sharp butter knife.

[Nick Offerman]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

You mentioned poet Wendell Berry in the introduction to this book. Is there a line of poetry that captures your feeling about woodworking?

[Nick Offerman]

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of. I really would love to just have a job announcing Wendell Berry poetry to the world, but there's one, you know, on, like, my website, the quote is, it all turns on affection. That's a big one for me. But the one that applies to the shop, in fact, we have it. Hanging in the shop is good work is our joy and salvation.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, that's what this is. I was wondering what this was. Oh, there it is. Oh, hell, that's beautifully.

[Commercial Announcer]

That's okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's carved into wood.

[Nick Offerman]

It is by. Okay. So for fans of Parks and Recreation, there's an episode where Ron goes. Right on. There's an episode where Ron goes is in the Indiana Woodworking show, and he freaks out because across the arena, he sees Christian Bexvoort, the modern master of the Shaker style. And he's a real guy. He's like a real hero of mine. And we flew him in from deepest Maine and put him on the show. And it's so funny, they pan over to him, and he's standing there holding a cup of tea with, like, the teabag hanging off. And Ron freaks out like he's seeing Mickey Mantle or something. But so Christian and I became friends, and he made that plaque and sent it to us. And what it's all. I mean, Absolutely. He's a truly celebrated and beautiful woodworker. And what that quote is about is that I've learned through the values of my family that good work is what it's all about. It's what that episode of the Last of Us was about. Like realizing who are your people and your purpose is living in service of them. And so there's not a lot you can do on your phone or your iPad that you. That you get done. And you're like mom and dad, you're welcome. But if you make things together, even if you're making a card and just doing a clumsy drawing, that's gonna deliver so much love to your family member. And that's good work. And what Wendell Berry's talking about is looking around. He's often talking about farmers looking at who's making your food. Is it any good? We should know these things. You know, is it a company that's making your food for profit, or do they care about your nutrition? And it's all in woodworking as well. You want to know, where did your tree come from? Are we making these things? You know, caring about the creation that they come from, or are we just participating in consumerism?

[Stephen Colbert]

We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more Nick Offerman, everybody. Hey, everybody. We're back with the author of Little Woodchucks, Nick Offerman. Do you have a favorite wood?

[Nick Offerman]

Do I have a favorite wood?

[Stephen Colbert]

Like, if you can only work with one. Yeah, exactly.

[Nick Offerman]

Yes.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can only work with one wood.

[Nick Offerman]

I have a favorite linebacker.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, great.

[Nick Offerman]

Right? If I can only work with one wood, it's tough because woods are subjective to the task that they are being asked to perform. But for me, the catch all is quercus alba, the white oak. American white oak. It's incredibly versatile. You can build a ship out of it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Old iron size.

[Nick Offerman]

That's right. But you can do a lot of things with it. And it's also full of tannins. You can make it into a barrel and make things like single malt scotch whiskey.

[Stephen Colbert]

Perhaps Lagavulin.

[Nick Offerman]

I mean, to name one.

[Stephen Colbert]

You and your wife Megan have been together for 25 years. What's the favorite thing? What's your favorite thing? What's her favorite thing you ever made her?

[Nick Offerman]

That's a good question. This is a family program, so I'll.

[Stephen Colbert]

What's the second favorite thing?

[Nick Offerman]

I made a heart shaped walnut box that held the ring with which I proposed to her. And, you know, it worked.

[Stephen Colbert]

You got the kiss.

[Nick Offerman]

Yeah. There's no Bible verse in the heart shaped box. But yeah, that's the thing. When you learn how to use tools and you learn how to make things with your family, somebody's gonna be good at it and somebody's gonna be bad at it, but they might be good with a tape measure and they end up being the family accountant, you know, or somebody might be better at baking a pie than making a wooden spoon in the shop. But you don't find out these things until you get in the shop and play with each other. And the reason to do all of this is because our society is telling us you should stop thinking. You should turn over your agency to AI and software and algorithms. And I rage against that. I want to maintain my human independence. My clumsy, stupid voice does me very well. Like, I don't want a robot to tell my mom and dad that I love them. I want to tell them with a nice sawhorse that I've made them.

[Stephen Colbert]

Can't have too many sawhorses.

[Nick Offerman]

You can't.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nick, good to see you as always.

[Nick Offerman]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Little Woodchuck's Offerman Woodshop's guide to tools and tomfoolery is available now. The man is Nick Offerman, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

[Nick Offerman]

Streaming October 26th on Paramount. Plus it's the epic return of mayor of Kingstown Warden. You know who I am. Starring Academy award nominee Jeremy Renner.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

I swear in these walls.

[Nick Offerman]

Emmy award winner Edie Falco.

[Commercial Announcer]

You're an ex con who ran this place for years and now, now you can't do that.

[Nick Offerman]

And BAFTA award winner Lenny James.

[Guest or Additional Speaker (possibly a producer or sidekick)]

You're about to have a plague of.

[Nick Offerman]

Outsiders this descend on your town.

[Stephen Colbert]

Let me tell you this.

[Nick Offerman]

There's gonna be consequences. Mayor of Kingstown new season streaming October 26th on Paramount. Plus this October fear is free on Pluto TV. With horror movie collections from Paranormal Activity.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Ring, you will die in seven days.

[Nick Offerman]

Scream and from dusk till dawn.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is my kind of place.

[Nick Offerman]

And don't miss the man made nightmares in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein or the world ending chaos in 28 days later. Something in the blood, all the scares all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.