B (2:41)

That was a wonderful.

A (2:42)

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

B (2:54)

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

A (3:00)

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

B (3:02)

No, no, no.

A (3:03)

Bring it on.

B (3:04)

Nothing bad to say.

A (3:05)

Nut me, nut, nut me with nut meat.

B (3:08)

We're nut.

A (3:09)

No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty. Good.

B (3:21)

Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save, and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk free. Today@greenlight.com Odyssey, it's the late Show Poncho with Stephen Colbert.

A (4:00)

Folks, I love immigrants. There's some of my favorite Americans, like Chef Jose Andres, Natalie Portman, Superman, the Geico gecko. He's British. You can tell because he can lick his own eyeball. I've seen Rick or Gervais do it many times. Right now being an immigrant is, how do you say, mucho hardo. And it just got hardoer because Trump is making the U.S. citizenship test longer and more difficult. Question one. Will you be my fourth wife? No. Well, then, have fun. In El Salvador. According to the new head of the United States Customs and Immigration Enforcement, in the previous test, immigrants could just kind of memorize the answers, which is too easy. Yes. Immigrants, show your work. We need to see how you divided the Statue of Liberty to get the square root of Abraham Lincoln. Previously, it was an oral test where participants would need to correctly answer 6 of 10 questions from a bank of 100 questions. But now they've changed it to correctly answering 12 out of 20 questions from a bank of 128 questions. A foolproof plan. Yes. Al Qaeda could easily memorize 100 questions. But you know what they could never do? 28 more questions. Now, I've never taken the test myself, but I know someone who has. Last month, my Colombian born writer for Felipe Torres Medina took it and became a US citizen. So please welcome my new American writer, Felipe Torres Medina. Thank you very much, Felipe. Secret American handshake. Good to see you. Hola, Steve. Hola, Felipe. Felipe, you are the author of the book America. Let me in about your journey to citizenship. Now you are an American citizen and you can no longer take days off work claiming they are a Colombian holiday. Okay. The feast of Saint Shakira is a real thing. Yes. I for one don't think a bunch of nerdy civics trivia truly prepares you to live in modern America. So we here at the Late show have created a new fully Americanized test. And because it's all American, a TV game show. Are you ready to play? So you think you American? Welcome to so youo Think youk American. Tonight's contestant is Felipe, who will have to answer these American questions before his time runs out. Felipe, are you ready? Let's do it, Steve. Brave man. 60 seconds on the clock, please. Here we go. What is the supreme law of the land? Uh, the Constitution. I'm afraid the answer is fries for the table. Darn it. I am. Who are you? The father of our country. George Washington. Correct. We would also have accepted Pedro Pascal, who is. Who is the zaddy of our country? What species is the Philadelphia Flyers mascot? Gritty? Uh, all of them. Correct. Okay, foreign policy question. Who is the Swedish ambassador to America? Urban Allen. That is the correct answer, but you lose the point because an American would not know that.

B (7:34)

Name.

A (7:34)

Two federal holidays. Two federal holidays. Juneteenth and Toyota Thong. Correct. Yes. And strong. And with a score of 3 to 2. You did it, Felipe. You are truly an American citizen. And to prove it, and to prove it, we'd like to give you the most American T shirt possible with George Washington riding a bald eagle and saying, what the is a kilometer? Congratulations and enjoy the go. Thank you, new American Felipe Torres Medina, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives. You think you understand how this business works, but you don't. Landman TV's biggest phenomenon returns to Paramount. Plus from Taylor Sheridan, co creator of Yellowstone, starring Billy Bob Thornton. You have to know the rules of the game and bend them and you really have to know them to break Demi Moore. I want success. Get it for me. Andy Garcia, Ali Larder, and Sam Elliott. You don't even know the game you're playing, do you? Landman new season streaming November 16th only on Paramount Plus. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. Brandon was the full package. I felt like I met my guy. Just stop, stop, stop talking.

B (9:10)

God.

A (9:11)

But he's not even close to the person that I thought he was. Do break up with Brandon. That is when stalking begins. I just knew something horrific was about to happen. I saw the devil in his eyes. We're going to tell everyone what he did. Don't date Brandon. Now streaming on Paramount plus.