Stephen Presents: Bedtime Stories

Summary

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The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Stephen Presents: Bedtime Stories
Date: December 22, 2025
Host: Stephen Colbert
Guest Highlights: George Saunders, Julie Andrews
Producer: Becca

Overview

In this holiday-themed episode, Stephen Colbert and producer Becca take listeners on a sentimental journey back to the first season of The Late Show to revisit the beloved "Bedtime Stories" segment. The show spotlights two special story readings: an original tale, "Festive," written and performed by acclaimed author George Saunders, and the classic poem "The King's Breakfast" by A.A. Milne, delightfully read by Stephen Colbert and the legendary Julie Andrews. The episode is a nostalgic, heartwarming tribute to storytelling and the warmth of the holiday season.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin of Bedtime Stories

(04:31–07:16)

• Vault Segment Introduction:
  Stephen and Becca reminisce about the early days of the show, specifically the "Good Night Act," which typically rounded out each episode.
  • Stephen Colbert: "Mostly I just say goodnight and say, this is who I've got tomorrow." (05:13)
  • Becca: "It's like us getting tucked in at the end of the night." (05:16)
• Bedtime Stories Concept:
  The "Bedtime Stories" segment was initially inspired by Emily Lazar, the show’s first booker. Its intention was to close out the night in a comforting way, as if tucking the audience into bed.
  • Stephen Colbert: "If we're people tucking themselves into bed at night, let's give them a bedtime story." (05:52)
• Notable Guest Authors:
  Guests included John Irving and Jonathan Franzen, but this episode highlights George Saunders reading his original Christmas story and a special reading with Julie Andrews.

2. "Festive" by George Saunders

(08:04–11:29)

• Setting and Style:
  Saunders reads an original story in the form of a diary entry, blending dry humor with warmth and subtle commentary on the pressures and joys of Christmas in American families.
• Themes:
  Navigates holiday anxieties, materialism, family dynamics, and simple joys.
• Memorable Moments:
  • Humor about limiting holiday spending:
    • Saunders: "Set low dollar limit per kid. Exchange homemade presents Christmas morning... Buy no presents pre Christmas, but day after Christmas. Go to mall, find bargains." (08:24)
  • Hilarious child misunderstanding of religious stories:
    • Edward: "Jesus cool. Jesus had son named Tiny Tim. And then this mob came, killed Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim came back to life on the third day, killed the mob with lasers coming out of his eyes." (10:26)
  • Quiet, moving ending:
    • Emma: "That will be fun. And just like that is Christmas." (11:23)

3. Colbert x Julie Andrews: "The King’s Breakfast" by A.A. Milne

(12:14–15:16)

• Background:
  Stephen recounts his joy at reading poetry with "the legendary Julie Andrews," including that this particular poem was a favorite of his mother and a shared moment of vulnerability and nostalgia.
  • Colbert: "My mother used to read this to me as a child." (12:43)
  • Andrews: "I was wondering. You asked me if I knew an A. A. milne poem, and I said, yes, but do you know...and I started to recite it, and you said, stop, cameras. I've got to give her a hug." (12:30)
• Performance Structure:
  Colbert narrates while Andrews does the voices, blending their talents for a charming and whimsical reading.
• Quote Highlight (opening lines):
  • Colbert: "The King asked the queen, and the queen asked the dairymaid, could we have..."
  • Andrews: "...some butter for the royal slice of bread?" (13:27–13:30)
• Endearing Moments:
  The back-and-forth playfulness and affection in their reading, plus Andrews' soft character voices, create a soothing, magical atmosphere.
  • Colbert: "I'm just pigment on your brush, Julie, shut up." (13:10)
  • Andrews: "But I do like a little bit of butter with my bread." (15:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bedtime Rituals:
  Becca: "It's like us getting tucked in at the end of the night, we can't say goodnight." (05:16)
• On the Origin of Segments:
  Stephen: "Let's give them a bedtime story." (05:52)
• On Collaborating with Julie Andrews:
  Colbert: "There are so many times I've been lucky enough that I feel like I should retire now. This should be the last thing that I do." (07:23)
• Saunders' Kids' Theology:
  Edward: "Jesus had son named Tiny Tim... Tiny Tim killed the mob with lasers coming out of his eyes." (10:26)
• The King's Breakfast
  Andrews (as King): "Nobody, my darling, could call me a fussy man, but I do like a little bit of butter with my bread." (15:08)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–03:21: Banter with producer and sponsor talk
• 04:31–07:16: Background and origins of "Bedtime Stories" segment
• 08:04–11:29: George Saunders reads his original holiday story, "Festive"
• 12:14–15:16: Colbert and Julie Andrews perform "The King’s Breakfast" by A.A. Milne

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is playful, cozy, and nostalgic. Colbert’s blend of sincerity and wit comes through, complemented by Becca’s warmth and Julie Andrews’ elegance. George Saunders’ humor offers a gentle satire of family holidays, while the poetry reading with Andrews evokes childlike wonder and holiday comfort.

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In Summary

This episode is a heartfelt holiday treat: a delightful celebration of storytelling, friendship, and family, warm enough to send any listener peacefully off to bed—"tucked in" by Stephen Colbert, George Saunders, and Julie Andrews.

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Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

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[Becca (Producer)]

It's a hard nut smooth.

[Stephen Colbert]

Exactly. I mean, even out of the shell, it's still a nut.

[Becca (Producer)]

We can't disparage the nuts.

[Stephen Colbert]

You. I'm not disparaging the nut. I'm describing the nut.

[Becca (Producer)]

Don't disparage any flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm not. I am celebrating the pistachio right now. I'm on board. I love pistachios.

[Julie Andrews]

I love.

[Stephen Colbert]

I love crushed pistachio. Like a pistachio crusted trout. Oh, unbelievable. Instead of a trout amandine, a trout pistachio. Fantastic. Enough butter? Who cares?

[Becca (Producer)]

Very good.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I love pistachio ice cream.

[Becca (Producer)]

Have you had the sea salt and vinegar? Wonderful pistachio. It's delicious. I get them.

[Stephen Colbert]

I didn't even know I get them.

[Becca (Producer)]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Julie Andrews]

Yeah.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah.

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Becca (Producer)]

That was a wonderful.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wonder what more there is to learn. We just told them so much. We just told them so much about pistachios. But evidently there's a whole other world. There's an unexplored vista.

[Becca (Producer)]

They got a bunch of flavors. They got dill pickle, jalapeno lime, as we learned, smoky barbecue. There's a lot of different flavors.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. And I would not disparage any of them.

[Becca (Producer)]

No, no, no.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bring it on.

[Becca (Producer)]

Nothing bad to say.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me.

[Becca (Producer)]

Nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

Nut me with nut meat.

[Becca (Producer)]

We're nut.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, we got nothing but nut. Nutty, nutty, nutty, nutty. Talk about, talk about, talk about, talk about nutty. Good.

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[Stephen Colbert]

Hey, everybody. Stephen Colbert. I'm here with Becca, my producer. Hi, Becca.

[Becca (Producer)]

Hi, Stephen. Thanks.

[Stephen Colbert]

Coming up on the holidays.

[Becca (Producer)]

Coming up on the holidays. So you know what's going on. It's Steven Presents. We come into the podcast booth and we talk about some of the podcasts you're gonna listen to this week.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hit me.

[Becca (Producer)]

All right, so the first one, we're going from the vault. We're going deep in the vaults.

[Stephen Colbert]

Whoa. First season, 1750 shows. How many have we done something like that now?

[Becca (Producer)]

I think Today is the 44th.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. 1744.

[Becca (Producer)]

Okay, so yeah, we're getting there. This is the first season, December 8, 2015 to be exact. So the show is structured into different acts. And we call the last act of the show what? We call it the good night act.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, good night.

[Becca (Producer)]

And why is that?

[Stephen Colbert]

Because I say goodnight. Mostly I just say goodnight and say, this is who I've got tomorrow.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah, exactly. So something about that is when we have a pre taped band and you don't tape a good night, me and Maya say to each other, he didn't say goodnight. It's like us getting tucked in at the end of the night, we can't say goodnight. So it's the goodnight act. And we had a lot of fun with the goodnight act in the first season with this very special segment that you did with one of your hiking chat buddies.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, so my hiking chat buddies are Nick Offerman, George Saunders. Oh, this is bedtime. This is the bedtime tuck in.

[Becca (Producer)]

This is bedtime stories.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, great.

[Becca (Producer)]

Can you tell us a little bit about bedtime stories?

[Stephen Colbert]

I think that might have been. I don't know who originally pitched it. I associate it with Emily Lazar, who was our first booker here. She was the booker for the entirety of the Colbert Report. And the idea was that, you know, if we're people tucking themselves into bed at night, let's give them a bedtime story. And so we had. Oh, Hotel New Hampshire.

[Becca (Producer)]

We had John Irving.

[Stephen Colbert]

John Irving.

[Becca (Producer)]

And Jonathan Franzen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Jonathan Franzen, exactly.

[George Saunders]

Is that it?

[Stephen Colbert]

Is that everybody?

[Becca (Producer)]

That was everyone that did a bedtime story in this.

[Stephen Colbert]

And we had a bed. We had like a little bed and a little bedroom and a lamp and everything. And I would sit, I would get in bed. I got in pajamas.

[Becca (Producer)]

You were in pajamas.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was a lot of effort with.

[Becca (Producer)]

Your tie underneath, I think.

[Stephen Colbert]

Of course.

[Becca (Producer)]

Exactly. And maybe a little sleeping cap.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yep.

[Becca (Producer)]

But this is George Saunders telling a Christmas story on the bedtime stories. He's reading a story called Festive, which he wrote for the show. It's really nice. Thought it'd be a nice holiday treat.

[Stephen Colbert]

Fantastic.

[Becca (Producer)]

And I also have something else special in the realm of reading bedtime stories for everybody in the holiday season. I have Julie Andrews.

[Stephen Colbert]

What is she doing? Are we doing? The king asked the queen. The queen asked the dairy maid. Could we have some butter for the royal slice of bread? Yes, perfect. Oh, my God. I'll go to bed to that.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. Okay. So this is, that's one of my.

[Stephen Colbert]

Great brags, is to be able to have done that with her. That was wonderful.

[Becca (Producer)]

I mean. Yeah, she's amazing. She's Mary Poppins. She's everything. Yeah, sure.

[Stephen Colbert]

She's Maria von Trapp.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. This is the King's Breakfast that you guys read by A.A. milne, famous for Winnie the Pooh, among other stories, right?

[Stephen Colbert]

Winnie Ther Pooh.

[Becca (Producer)]

Yeah. Yeah. So you guys remind me again, like, you had talked about it on the Colbert.

[Stephen Colbert]

I think we had talked about A.A. milne. We'd. And the Colbert was great. I actually got to sing with her a little bit. She was great. And to be able to have done that with her was. Oh, come on. There are so many times I've been lucky enough that I feel like I should retire now. This should be the last thing that I do. And we talked about a email all the time. And so the first time we had her on this show, I said, oh, I'd love to do the King's Breakfast with her. And she was like, of course.

[Becca (Producer)]

And the two of you reading it is just lovely. You narrate and she does the characters and it's so beautiful. So please enjoy. We got two bedtime stories for you on the Late show POD show tonight. Go to bed. Good night.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, that's it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow. My guests will be Downton Abbey's Michelle Dockery, Hugh Bonneville and Alan Leech, director Adam McKay, and a musical performance by Kurt Viall. But before we go tonight, how about a bedtime story? George. George, I understand that you wrote one for us.

[George Saunders]

I did, I did. This is called festive, and it's in the form of a diary entry. Dear diary, tonight, December 8th Christmas around corner. Must admit slight sense of dread. This Christmas has to be modest. We always say never do. Note to self, set low dollar limit per kid. Exchange homemade presents Christmas morning, sing carols, list many blessings in life. Go in yard, gaze at sky to assuage kids sense of having been gypped by small limit to maximize amount kids can get within limit. Buy no presents pre Christmas, but day after Christmas. Go to mall, find bargains. Could be fun. New holiday tradition. Make sandwiches at home, eat sandwiches in food court after having kids sign agreement re arcade verboten. Tonight, however, kids excited about Christmas making lists of presents they want. Edward wants pony. Emma wants mink boots. Kids unaware of our recent financial fiasco, but no kids aware.

[Stephen Colbert]

Edward.

[George Saunders]

Daddy, how did we go broke me we did not exactly feel why our culture so crass. Wish we lived where money no big deal. People happy due to trees sun. If person laid off, has brief period of not working, finally finds job far below previous Job. No big deal. Worry. Why are kids so materialistic?

[Narrator / Voiceover]

Me.

[George Saunders]

Okay, guys, who is Jesus? Long pause. Emma. This perfect person that lived a long time ago and loved everyone. Respectful silence in living room. Then Edward says, yeah, Jesus cool. Jesus had son named Tiny Tim. And then this mob came, killed Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim came back to life on the third day, killed the mob with lasers coming out of his eyes. I propose we take walk outside world of white. Big flakes floating down past street light. Emma. Daddy. How many days will you get off this year for Christmas? Me 3. Moon high, snow blue in moonlight. Branches of trees holding narrow shells of snow. Fun. Emma says, that will be fun. And just like that is Christmas.

[Stephen Colbert]

Merry Christmas, George.

[George Saunders]

Merry Christmas, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

George Saunders, everybody. Good night. Ladies and gentlemen, every night here on the show, we pride ourselves on giving you a whole lot of stuff. But sometimes there's too much stuff for the show. Hole. For instance, last night, we had a lovely conversation with the legendary Julie Andrews, but some of it just wouldn't fit. So it is my pleasure right now to present this spoonful of sugar. One of the first times I interviewed you, we actually, when the camera turned off, we did a little bit of.

[Julie Andrews]

Well, you shut down the show at the time. You said, turn off the cameras. Turn off the cameras.

[Stephen Colbert]

Because I was in character and I couldn't really enjoy you as much as I would.

[Julie Andrews]

You were so great, though, Stephen.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you very much. Well, a poem we started to do together at the time was the King's Breakfast.

[George Saunders]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

By a. A. Milne.

[Julie Andrews]

And I was wondering. You asked me if I knew an A.A. milne poem, and I said, yes, but do you know. And I started to recite it, and you said, stop, cameras. I've got to give her a hug. It's my favorite poem and one of my favorite poems.

[Stephen Colbert]

My mother used to read this to me as a child.

[Julie Andrews]

That's right.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. And we're probably out of time, but. But would you. I would just. I would just love if we could read the King's Breakfast by A.A. milne together.

[Julie Andrews]

I'd love to. How shall we do it? Shall I do the voices and you do the narrative or.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, vice versa. That sounds nice.

[Julie Andrews]

Okay.

[Stephen Colbert]

Why don't. Okay. I'll do the narrative.

[Rosetta Stone / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Okay.

[Julie Andrews]

I think I remember it, but let's.

[Stephen Colbert]

Here's a copy for. There's a copy from.

[Julie Andrews]

So you do all the setups, I'll.

[Stephen Colbert]

Do all the setups. Okay. You're the director. I'm just pigment on your brush. Julian, shut up. Okay, so the King's Breakfast by A.A. milne, Stephen Colbert and Julie Andrews.

[Julie Andrews]

And Julie Andrews, right.

[Stephen Colbert]

The King asked the queen, and the queen asked the dairymaid, could we have.

[Julie Andrews]

Some butter for the royal slice of bread?

[Stephen Colbert]

The queen asked the dairy maid. The dairy maid said, certainly, I'll go.

[Julie Andrews]

And tell the cow now before she goes to bed.

[Stephen Colbert]

The dairy maid, she curtsied and went and told the algerny, don't forget the.

[Julie Andrews]

Butter for the royal slice of bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Algernon said sleepily, you'd better tell.

[Julie Andrews]

His majesty that many people nowadays like marmalade in Stewart.

[Stephen Colbert]

The dairy maid said, fancy, and went to tell her majesty. She curtsied to the queen, she turned.

[Julie Andrews]

A little red, Excuse me, your majesty, for taking of the liberty, but marmalade is tasty if it's very thickly spread.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Queen said, oh and went to.

[Julie Andrews]

Tell his majesty, talking of the butter for the royal slice of bread, Many people think that marmalade is nicer. Would you like to try a little marmalade instead?

[Stephen Colbert]

The king said, bother. And then he said, oh deary me. The king sobbed, oh deary me and went back to bed.

[Julie Andrews]

Nobody, he whimpered, could call me a fussy man. I only wanted a little bit of butter for my bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

The Queen said, there, there, and went to the dairy maid. The dairymaid said, there, there, and went to the shed. The cow said, there, there.

[Julie Andrews]

I didn't really mean it. Here's milk for his porringer and butter for his bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

The queen took the butter and brought it to his majesty. The king said, butter, eh? And bounced out of bed. Nobody, he said as he kissed her tenderly. Nobody, he said as he slid down the banisters.

[Julie Andrews]

Nobody, my darling, could call me a fussy man, but I do like a little bit of butter with my bread.

[Stephen Colbert]

Bravo. Thank you for listening to the Late Show POD show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Rosetta Stone / Mint Mobile Advertiser]

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