Steve Carell | War Else

Summary

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

Episode: Steve Carell | War Else

Date: March 5, 2026
Guest: Steve Carell

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Main Theme

This episode blends Stephen Colbert’s sharp satire on the current U.S.–Iran conflict with heartfelt and comic banter alongside actor and comedian Steve Carell. The show features Colbert’s riffing on political semantics around “war,” skewering fast-food marketing, a playful “clearance sale” for show memorabilia, and a lengthy conversation with Carell. The discussion highlights their shared comedic roots, memorable early career mishaps, and touching reflections on family and fatherhood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Monologue: Satire on “Targeted Major Combat Operations”

• Colbert lampoons the language officials use to downplay war, poking fun at the White House’s efforts to rebrand it and the contradictions in official statements.
• Quoting Trump: “I have to go back and look at the war. Oh, no. Oh, damn it. You know you’re not supposed to say it, but that just puts the word in your brain.” (01:24)
• On the semantics: “So it's worse than a war. It's a war that got a thesaurus for Christmas.” (01:21)
• Iran Tensions: Satire on Congress, U.S. Central Command, and Israel’s threats towards Iran’s next Supreme Leader.
  • “In the future, everyone will be ayatollah for 15 minutes.” (03:27)

2. Steve Carell Joins: Adding Playful Commentary

• Carell jumps into the monologue:
  • “Iran has attacked three of our US embassies... Those are sovereign territories of the US they have declared war on us. We're not at war right now, folks.” (02:00)
  • Exchanges banter with Colbert about political doublespeak.

3. News Satire Continues: Economics, McDonald’s, and Hormuz

• Oil price hikes & global impact:
  • “What if we bring our own container? Can we get like an empty Cool Whip tub or little plastic bags?” (06:18)
• McDonald’s Big Arch Launch:
  • Mockery of the CEO’s influencer-style promo video. Colbert notes, “Turns out what you do is incredibly difficult. Not all heroes wear capes. Some do this.” (09:52)
  • Carell jokes on the “Big Arch”: “Oh, my God. This is a five out of five game.” (10:17)

4. Late Show Clearance Sale ("Late Show Home Shopping")

• Show is ending in May; proceeds from memorabilia sales will go to José Andrés' World Central Kitchen.
• Highlights of items up for auction:
  • Colbert’s water towers with Shepard Fairey design.
  • Steve Carell adds fake “television history”: a ream of signed printer paper (15:42).
  • Replica Andúril sword from Lord of the Rings (“not the real one… that sword is being buried with me, along with my Internet.”) (17:29)
  • Faux props: “the actual flamethrower from Dead Poets Society”—a running Carell/Colbert gag. (18:09)
  • Signed topless photo of Colbert, Carell, and Jon Stewart. (19:01)

5. Reminiscing About Second City Comedy Roots

• Gritty backstage realities:
  • Carell recounts the rat stories:
    • “There were two rats that had been caught on one glue trap.”
    • “One was eating the other one. And the one who was being eaten was going..” (Imitates rat) (22:27)
  • “I want to work here. This is the dream.” (23:07)
• Understudying Comedy Legends:
  • Carell understudied Chris Farley: “Impossible to understudy... he was a force of nature.” (24:08)
  • Recollections of the now-iconic “Down by the River” scene starting at Second City. (24:16)

6. Commercial Auditions and Early Acting Gigs

• Carell’s big break: Brown’s Chicken and McDonald’s triple cheeseburger ads.
  • On his first commercial: “I couldn't believe it. I'm on television. It's insanity.” (25:38)
  • On the McDonald’s gig: Ate five cheeseburgers before learning about the “spit bucket.” (27:34)

7. Steve Carell’s New Show: Rooster

• Described as “a heartwarming show that's funny and feels like a big, warm hug... From the makers of Ted Lasso and Bill Lawrence.” (29:00)
• Core is the father/daughter relationship as the daughter becomes an adult.
  • “You kind of have to ratchet it back and let them make their own mistakes, and it's a little hard.” (29:53)

8. Reflections on Parenthood and Career

• On fatherhood changing priorities:
  • “As soon as we had Annie, all of that just disappeared because… I've got this now.” (30:19)
• On newfound perspective:
  • Colbert: “I thought I knew what was important, right? And now I was completely wrong... if my mom loves me a fraction of how much I love this thing… I haven't paid it up nearly enough.” (31:03)
• Mutual admiration and warmth between Colbert and Carell.
  • “I think you’ve been a wonderful son… Knowing you, there is no doubt in my mind that you were the best son.” – Carell (31:27–31:37)

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Notable Quotes

• “It’s a war that got a thesaurus for Christmas.” – Stephen Colbert (01:21)
• “Iran has attacked three of our US embassies… We're not at war right now, folks.” – Steve Carell (02:00)
• “In the future, everyone will be ayatollah for 15 minutes.” – Stephen Colbert (03:27)
• “[McDonald’s CEO does a taste test]…That’s the bite you take when your 3-year-old says, try the cookie I made, Daddy.” – Stephen Colbert (11:15)
• “I want to work here. This is the dream.” – Stephen Colbert, after retelling the rat/Second City story (23:07)
• “Impossible to understudy...he was a force of nature. Couldn’t take his own… I was crickets. I could not.” – Steve Carell on Chris Farley (24:08)
• “As soon as we had Annie, all of that just disappeared because… my priorities were completely different.” – Steve Carell (30:11)
• “If my mom loves me a fraction of how much I love this thing, instantly I've been a terrible son.” – Stephen Colbert (31:03)
• “I think you’ve been a wonderful son… Knowing you, there is no doubt in my mind that you were the best son.” – Steve Carell (31:27)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:05 – 04:00: Colbert’s political satire, “it’s not a war” monologue, and Carell’s comedic asides.
• 07:55 – 11:29: McDonald’s Big Arch CEO segment, influencer culture jokes.
• 12:22 – 14:46: Late Show Home Shopping begins, Colbert reveals show cancellation and memorabilia auction.
• 15:29 – 19:22: Carell and Colbert auction off comedic and actual show artifacts, running gags about props and signed photo.
• 21:13 – 25:43: Second City memories, rat stories, and backstage realities; Carell and Colbert’s comedic apprenticeship.
• 25:43 – 28:10: Early commercials, auditioning, and learning industry tricks the hard way.
• 28:34 – 31:56: Carell introduces new show Rooster, and they discuss family, fatherhood, and changed perspectives.
• 31:56 – End: Warm closing exchange, acknowledging the end of an era for The Late Show, Carell pledging to join as an audience member.

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Memorable Moments

• Steve Carell’s deadpan interruptions to Colbert’s monologue, matching Colbert’s absurdity line for line.
• The playful auctioning of fake and real Late Show memorabilia, with escalating bits about television “history.”
• Candid, gross, and hilarious reminiscences of their grungy Second City days, complete with rat attacks and wardrobe contamination.
• Both stars reflect sincerely (and comically) on how parenthood reframed their priorities and approaches to work.
• A bittersweet, affectionate sign-off as the Late Show’s historic run winds down, Colbert and Carell savoring the “end of an era.”

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Tone & Language

The episode maintains The Late Show’s trademark blend: whip-smart, irreverent political satire, surreally comical banter between old friends, and surprisingly heartfelt reflections—all delivered in the rapid-fire, winking conversational style of Colbert and Carell.

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For New Listeners

This episode is an excellent showcase of what makes The Late Show, and especially Colbert and Carell’s friendship, so beloved: razor-sharp satire, layered running gags, improvisational energy, and genuine warmth beneath the comedy. If you missed it, you’ll come away with a laugh, some tenderness, and a look backstage at the roots of modern American comedy.

Transcript

[Stephen Colbert]

Please have a seat, everybody. Welcome, welcome one and all in here. Out there, Mr. And Mrs. America and all the ships at sea to the Late Show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks, I really didn't want to start the monologue by talking about the war, but in honor of this administration, I went into this without a plan. So we got to talk about it. I guess we got to start with that. I say war because it sure looks like a war. And Trump keeps calling it a war. But Congress never declared it a war. And MAGA was promised no new wars. So the White House sent out a list of talking points to all the congressional Republicans telling them in no uncertain terms that if a reporter asks, can you promise the American people this will not be a long, drawn out war? The answer to give is, these are targeted major combat operations. So it's worse than a war. It's a war that got a thesaurus for Christmas. Okay, so it's not a war. It's not a war. Don't call it a war. Got it. I'm sorry, Mr. President, you were saying? I think you probably want to speak about war rather than this. But this is very important. This is very important and we're doing very well on the war front, to put it mildly. I have to go back and look at the war. Oh, no. Oh, damn it. You know you're not supposed to say it, but that just puts the word in your brain. It's like. It's like when your boss has a huge pimple on his nose and you're like, don't talk about the pimple. But as soon as he walks in, you go, hi, Mr. Pimple. Oh, zit. No surprise everybody thinks that this stupid terminology is stupid. So today Speaker Johnson tried a new tactic. It is a war, but it's not our war.

[Steve Carell]

Iran has attacked three of our US embassies in the last couple of days, okay? Those are sovereign territories of the US they have declared war on us. We're not at war right now, folks.

[Stephen Colbert]

I totally buy it, babe. She declared sex on me. I simply. I simply reciprocated with a targeted heat seeking moisture missile. One thing's got that. One thing's for sure, this nada war is not a stopping anytime soon because yesterday US Central Command said America is conducting 24 seven strikes into Iran. Is it good when you're bombing for as long as 711 is open? Though I will say the Monterey Jack chicken Taquito is a war crime. You know its slogan. I've been on this roller grill since we Killed Sadd. Looks pretty good, actually. Yesterday, Israel bombed Iran's top mullahs as they countered votes for the next supreme leader. And then Israel's Defense Minister threatened elimination to anyone selected as Iran's next supreme leader. So no matter how many people the Iranians put into that job, Israel is going to kill them all. Just proving the old Warhol quote. In the future, everyone will be ayatollah for 15 minutes. We don't know who's next, right? We don't know who is next going to get this coveted, extremely brief job. But we do know Ayatollah Ali Khamenei's son is emerging as the leading choice. Great, another Nepo. Tola.

[Steve Carell]

Sad.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's sad. At the White House press briefing today.

[Steve Carell]

What is it good for? Say it again.

[Stephen Colbert]

At the White House press briefing today, Caroline Levitt was asked why the President acted so quickly in launching the attack. And here's what she said.

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

This decision to launch this operation was based on a cumulative effect of various direct threats that Iran posed to the United States of America. And the President's feeling, based on fact, that Iran does pose an imminent and direct threat to the United States of America. The President had a feeling, again based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States assets in the region.

[Stephen Colbert]

A feeling based on a fact. Okay. Incidentally, I've Got A Feeling Based on a Fact is the Black Eyed Peas worst song. It's right up There. It's right up there with let's Get It Started. Once we establish where the fire exits are. One of the reasons the administration has given for the targeted limited combat operation is Iran's nuclear program. But According to the UN's nuclear watchdog, Iran has no structured program to build a nuclear weapon. But the administration disputes that. One official told Politico, quote, they basically could have been days or weeks away from a weapon if they would have put the effort into it.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

Come on, you lazy bones. Are we frosting cupcakes here or making bombs? Pull your panties up and put your back into it, ladies. The world's not going to blow itself up. This is what I hate about young people these days. They don't earn anything. It all starts in grade school when we give them those participation nukes. Iran is not going to go away quietly, okay? In fact, an Iranian commander is threatening to set fire to ships crossing the Strait of Hormuz. That sound means it's time for Our Once every 8 year segment Hormuz News. You can use. I got a little something I got with Something the previous thing was like. Yeah, Goodbye. In this segment, we educate future generations on where the Strait of Hormuz is. It is right there. This has been Hormuz News. You can use. See our next installment in eight years on my new network, Plumbo with ads. Ships passing through the Strait of Hormuz deliver about a fifth of the global oil supply. So the price of oil shot up as much as 13% to over $82 a barrel. Okay, but that's a barrel. What if we bring our own container? Can we get like an empty Cool Whip tub or something like that? Or little plastic bags later? You can just jab a straw in there like a Capri Sun. Voters hate expensive gas. So to keep the dinosaur ju juice a flowin', Trump said that the US Will offer ships in the region coverage against losses caused by war and hostile actions called political risk insurance. Political risk insurance is so important that it's the plot of the classic film saving private Ryan. 15% on car insurance by switching to Geico. Not everything. Not everything. That joke comes in real late. That comes in real late. At the end, not everything in the news is a violent international cluster munch. Some things are just a giant munch because yesterday McDonald's launched their new signature burger sandwich. Say it with me. The big arch. Which is. Why didn't you say it with me? Which has. Everyone's talking about it. Which has gotten some attention thanks to an awkward promo video from the company's CEO. Check it out.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

Chris Kay here with. You've heard about it. Here it is, the big arch.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, first of all, that's the CEO of McDonald's. He's a skinny little guy in a cashmere pullover. The CEO of McDonald's should be a big, loud, rosy cheeked, oily man nugget who can't stop bellowing. But yeah, that's it. That guy. That's his. That's. Can we get him that job? Can't we just give him that? Okay, let's go back to the video. Here's Chris K. Ready to chow down on the big arch.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

This is something that we have tested already. It's in Portugal, Germany, Canada.

[Stephen Colbert]

And they all liked it. So I assume it's maple glazed octopus schnitzel. Keep talking, burger man.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

I love this product. It is so good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay. Weird to refer to food as product. Kids, you eat your product. If you don't, I swear to God I will send you to bed with no content, no plumbo with ads for you. I'm sorry, Chris, I interrupted you Again, you were saying?

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

I'm gonna do a tasting right now, but I'm gonna eat this for my lunch, just so you know.

[Steve Carell]

Thanks.

[Stephen Colbert]

I'm glad to know that you will eat it for lunch and not for the other reason folks eat McDonald's because the only other place at the rest stop is Roy Rogers. And you're pretty sure the cashier lives there. Okay, dazzle us with your new burger.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

We've got a very unique kind of sesame poppy sort of bun on it. We've got two quarter pound patties, a delicious big arch sauce, and of course, some lettuce.

[Stephen Colbert]

Okay, I want to pause here again for a second. I just want to take this moment to apologize to influencers. It turns out what you do is incredibly difficult. Not all heroes. Not all heroes wear capes. Some do this.

[Steve Carell]

Oh, my God. This is a five out of five game.

[Stephen Colbert]

Boom, boom, boom, boom. I believe the children are the Future. Back at McDonald's HQ, the talking paper napkin continued to examine his burger, so.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

Oh, there's so much going on with this.

[Stephen Colbert]

You're the CEO. Is this the first time you're finding out what your company does? It appears a clown is trying to get me to eat shredded fried potatoes with the help of his friend, the obese purple ghost. Now, finally, the moment came for him to take a giant bite.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

First of all, let's try to get this thing. I don't even know how to attack it. Got so much to it. All right. The moment of truth. Mmm. That is so good.

[Stephen Colbert]

Really? Because it looks like you took the smallest possible bite in the history of human chewing. That's the bite you take when your 3 year old says, try the cookie I made, Daddy.

[Steve Carell]

Mmm.

[Stephen Colbert]

Now go have mommy try. We got a great show for you tonight. My guest is Steve Carell.

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

Dripping in gold. That's cool. Dripping in Velveeta's supremely creamy golden cheesiness. That's respect. Elevate your drip with Velveeta's range of outrageously delicious dips and dishes. Shells, cheese melty blocks and heat n eat queso that go all in on indulgence. Flex on your fam with a creamy cheesy masterpiece. And go all in on what you love with Velveeta. Respect and satisfy your cravings. Bring home the drip with Velveeta.

[Steve Carell]

Welcome back.

[Stephen Colbert]

Give it up for Louis Cato and the Late Show Band, everybody. The great big joy machine. Louis, tonight, you know, you know, I, I, I love all of our guests. They're like my children. But, you know, you Love some children more than others. And tonight, just my favorite son is here. Mr. Steve Carell will be joining us this little while. That's a treat. That's a treat. Makes me feel young again. Folks, in case you're not aware, the network has cancelled the late show and will be ending in May. I'm, I'm. Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, please. Folks, I'm so sorry you had to find out this way. And to make our move out of the historic Ed Sullivan Theater here as easy as possible, we have decided to harness the power and style of home shopping networks to sell off everything we can from the late show and donate the proceeds to charity. Because if we don't, because if we don't sell all this stuff, the network gets to keep all of our stuff. And clearly they're not big fans of it. So this is late show home shopping. Canceled clearance sale. Bye. Bye, bye. Welcome to the shop. Tonight we are offering some unbelievable items at unverified prices. And everything you see here, plus more is up for auction on our website, colbertlateshow.com eBay or go use this thing right here, which is both the QR code and also what Cruella de Vil did to the 102nd Dalmatian. Go bid on these items because all the proceeds will go to the charity of my choice, which happens to be Jose Andres, World Central Kitchen. And thank you, Jose. And joining me tonight as always, is my co host, Steve Carell. Come on in. Good to see you. That's our dance. They love our dance. Chest bump.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

Thanks.

[Stephen Colbert]

Come on. Come on, buddy. Thanks for being here. Steve. Are you ready to do this?

[Steve Carell]

Am I ready? Was I the star of the 2018 film? Welcome to

[Stephen Colbert]

there's no way of knowing. Now let's take a look at these amazing items, folks. Up first, a gorgeous and vital part of the late show set. It's the little decorative water towers from my bookshelf. For 11 years, these beauties have been on a low shelf just to the right of my guest chairs, sharing the spotlight with celebrities like Taylor Swift and Kyle McLaughlin.

[Steve Carell]

It even features a custom design by renowned artist Shepard Fairey along with his

[Stephen Colbert]

signature, making it the rare item that impresses both art lovers and model train enthusiasts.

[Steve Carell]

You know what, Stephen? I have something. Oh, take that down. You know, something a little, maybe even better. I wanted to add a piece of television history and I thought maybe something from the set of my long running TV show. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, I didn't have anything, so what I did is I grabbed this from backstage. It is A ream of printer paper. And I signed it. Imagine this is the paper from that place on the office. Love, Steve Carell.

[Stephen Colbert]

Wow. Thank you, Steve. Well, that's incredible.

[Steve Carell]

It was. Let me tell you, Stephen, it was the very, very least I could do.

[Stephen Colbert]

Next up, next up, we have a piece of late show history, film history, literary history, and Middle Earth history. From the Lord of the Rings, It's Aragorn Sword and Duril, AKA the Flame of the west, that has been hanging on my set for the entire run of the Late Show. Now, to be clear, ladies and gentlemen, this right here is not the real.

[Steve Carell]

Why, because it's from a fictional movie based on a fictional book that takes place in a fantasy world?

[Stephen Colbert]

No, because this is a replica. Years ago, the real Anduril was given to me by Aragorn himself, Viggo Mortensen.

[Steve Carell]

And

[Stephen Colbert]

that sword is being buried with me, along with my Internet. Now, Steve college credit. Now, Steve, what would you pay for the honor of this beautiful blade reforged from the shards of Narsil in Imladris?

[Steve Carell]

I don't know, like, 300 elf bucks.

[Stephen Colbert]

I wear your mockery like a crown, Steve. No. There is one ring to rule them all. Three rings for the Elven kings, seven for the Dwarf Lords, and nine for mortal men doomed to die. So we will begin bidding at $13.79, ladies and gentlemen.

[Steve Carell]

You know what, Stephen? I'm gonna sweeten the pot here, make things even a little bit better. I will be adding a weapon from another classic film. This is the actual flamethrower that was used in the movie Dead Poets Society.

[Stephen Colbert]

Steven, there's no flamethrower in that movie.

[Steve Carell]

That's right. It's not a real flamethrower. It's a movie prop.

[Stephen Colbert]

No, in the story of Dead Poets Society, no flamethrowers show up.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, they do. It's what they use to make the Poets Dead.

[Stephen Colbert]

Fair enough. Fair enough. All of this is benefiting World Central Kitchen. So head to colbertlateshow.com eBay and start bidding on and or buying these great items for a great cause. And keep checking back because we're adding more stuff all the time.

[Steve Carell]

Like this. This is a topless photo of you, me, and Jon Stewart. That we have each signed over our naked torso.

[Stephen Colbert]

It's a beautiful image that would look right at home in a gilded frame or stuffed under the mattress of a strange and lonely teenager. We'll be right back with Steve Carell. For years, Gone south has been a podcast about crime in the American South. But for Our new season, we're widening the lens through deeply reported narrative driven stories. We're digging into the myths, scandals and power str that still shape the south and in a lot of ways, the country itself. Follow and listen to gone South Season 5 An Odyssey podcast, available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your shows. My guest tonight is a brilliant comedian, an amazing actor and a great friend. He now stars in the new show Rooster.

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

Hard to believe, but actually conservators

[Steve Carell]

restored

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

that exact painting with Q tips and spit. Ok, you can take that slightly disgusting tidbit and get out of here, but there is a paper due on Monday.

[Stephen Colbert]

But there's a K party this weekend.

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

What is a K party?

[Steve Carell]

You don't want to know.

[Commercial/Promo Voice]

I don't want to know. Okay. If you feel like you need extra time, I. You're paid for that is my dad interacting with strangers makes him very uncomfortable. So if you want extra time, look him in the eye and tell him that you love him.

[Steve Carell]

Okay? No, please don't do it.

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

I love you very much.

[Steve Carell]

Okay, See you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Please welcome back to the Late Show, Steve Carell.

[Steve Carell]

Thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thanks for being here.

[Steve Carell]

Thank you for having me.

[Stephen Colbert]

So nice to see you.

[Steve Carell]

Good to see you.

[Stephen Colbert]

You know, there aren't many people I can talk to in that seat who remember the olden days. You know, back when we spent a lot of time in dark, dirty rooms that smelled like a stale beer. Do you remember the moment when we discovered that what we thought was the concrete floor of the Second City was just carpet so dirty that if you dropped a glass on it, it would shatter? Yeah, yeah. It was startling.

[Steve Carell]

Were you there for the rat incident?

[Stephen Colbert]

I was there for one. Not when the rat ran across stage. I wasn't there. But I was there for the one where John Rubano beat a rat to death with a two by four. Right. I was there for that one. Yeah, Yeah. I didn't see it, but I saw everyone else's faces who could see what was happening.

[Steve Carell]

It was a lot. It was a lot.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was an honor to work there.

[Steve Carell]

There were two rats that had been caught on one glue trap.

[Stephen Colbert]

Hold on one second. I just want to do a trigger warning for anyone watching right now. If you are a rat or love a rat, you don't want to hear the rest of the story.

[Steve Carell]

Yes, Steve, one rat was alive.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, they were both alive.

[Steve Carell]

I don't. Oh, really? Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

That's why this story is horrible.

[Steve Carell]

I'm going to. I'm going to kind of jump to the end because the half eaten one didn't seem alive to me.

[Stephen Colbert]

That was the horrible part is one was eating the other one. Right. And the one who was being eaten was going.

[Steve Carell]

And may I do an impression of the rat when it was caught, it was behind the couch and we moved the couch back and the rat went,

[Stephen Colbert]

that's. And I was sitting across the room and I saw Roboto go, oh. He grabbed a two by four and just started beating as hard. I think I was understudying Ron west and it was just beating as hard as he possibly could.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

And I thought, I want to work here. I want to work here.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

This is the dream.

[Steve Carell]

Definitely.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Steve Carell]

I used to rinse my mouth before I'd go out on stage with mouthwash and spit it on the floor because. Partly because I thought it would kill some germs.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah, yeah. Unbelievable. And there'd be big piles of clothes backstage that you'd be going through. Do a quick change like in the improv set. And as you would go to go to the pile of clothes, you would do this to scare the rats away from the clothes before you put them on. Yeah, yeah.

[Steve Carell]

It was fun.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah. We've talked about before how when you were on Main stage and I was still coming up behind you. I understudied you for a while on Mainstage, but I just found out you. I didn't know you understudy. Who'd you understudy?

[Steve Carell]

Chris Farley?

[Stephen Colbert]

Jim Eddy? That is. That's not an easy. You're not easy. But he must have been really hard.

[Steve Carell]

He was impossible to understudy because in that show, remember from snl, the scene down by the river with Matt Fuller?

[Chris Kempczinski (McDonald's CEO)]

Yeah.

[Stephen Colbert]

That started at main stage too.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, it started on main stage. And that was his scene. It was a scene. I don't know if you did this, but all the people who worked there would go to Mainstage just to watch that scene. And I remember seeing it three, four months in the run and the cast was still breaking up. They couldn't hold it together.

[Stephen Colbert]

Everyone else just endured his performance.

[Steve Carell]

It was so hard because he was a force of nature. Couldn't take his own. I was crickets. I could not.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, you got nothing.

[Steve Carell]

Nothing. It was terrible. But, you know, that just shows what an incredible performer he was. Impossible.

[Stephen Colbert]

I tell you what, what I remember, I remember. Cause, you know, we're young, like, they don't pay a lot of Second City, especially in Turco, they like to keep them hungry. And you got a commercial because there were a Lot of commercial agencies in Chicago and a lot of clients, stuff like that. And everybody was like, who got what commercial? Cause we're all going up for the same stuff. And you got a Brown's Chicken commercial. And it was such brown. It's a regional chain. And quality. And quality. Dead bird. And you. Everyone was jealous because you'd gotten a commercial and did it feel like a big break to you? Did it feel like a big deal?

[Steve Carell]

Biggest. No. Honestly.

[Stephen Colbert]

You could make rent.

[Steve Carell]

I couldn't believe it. I'm on television. It's insanity.

[Stephen Colbert]

We found it. Could we please take a look? Big news from Brown's Chicken.

[Steve Carell]

While we've always cooked our chicken in cholesterol free cottonseed oil, we now have cholesterol, cholesterol free batter too. So our chicken is cooked completely cholesterol free. Wow.

[Stephen Colbert]

I don't know about you, but I'm hungry for some chicken right now.

[Steve Carell]

What do you remember? Well, first of all, take away from that. That thing really holds up. And I'm. I'm really. I'm really. I'm still proud of it.

[Stephen Colbert]

Back then, everything was in sepia.

[Steve Carell]

Well, when I was up on that ladder for one, I. I'm allergic to bees and I got stung by a beef.

[Stephen Colbert]

Halfway through that commercial, there was just a random bee.

[Steve Carell]

Just a random bee just like stung me on the neck. And I was really not feeling well by the end of the day. Wow. But, you know, you're not gonna.

[Stephen Colbert]

You can't say anything.

[Steve Carell]

You can't say anything. You won't protest, just maybe fall off the ladder when you

[Stephen Colbert]

Also. Here's another one. I remember this was a big deal because this was not a buyout. This was like a national. You got to have three arms in a McDonald's commercial.

[Steve Carell]

Yes, yes. This was for a McDonald's triple cheeseburger. And so I had to have three arms for this.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was a triple cheeseburger.

[Steve Carell]

Cheeseburger.

[Stephen Colbert]

Have you tried the big arch?

[Steve Carell]

I. You know what? The big arch requires that you take a massive bite out of it to really enjoy it and really taste it. And I don't even know how you really dig into the whole thing.

[Stephen Colbert]

There's so much going on there. A bun and meat.

[Steve Carell]

This thing's gotta weigh, like a lot of ounces. Where was I?

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh.

[Steve Carell]

Oh. So when I did the commercial, I didn't realize. So there's this thing called a spit bucket that.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, for this?

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, for this.

[Stephen Colbert]

Cause I had. You're doing bite and smiles.

[Steve Carell]

Every. Bite and smile every take.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yeah.

[Steve Carell]

No one Told me that there was a thing where you took a bite and as soon as the camera stops, you spit it out. I ate, like, five cheeseburgers, and they're like, are you okay?

[Stephen Colbert]

That's the big triple.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah. And I was not kidding around. I was like, they're gonna know. I love it. I'm loving it. So. Yeah, so I learned, you know, you learn.

[Stephen Colbert]

We have to take a quick break. We'll be right back with more Steve Carell, everybody. Hey, everybody, we're back with our old friend and the star of HBO's new series, Rooster, Steve Carell. Steve, you're starring a new show.

[Steve Carell]

Did you know that?

[Stephen Colbert]

It's called Rooster. It's a series on the hbo.

[Steve Carell]

The hbo.

[Stephen Colbert]

Yes, on the hbo. Is it still called hbo? Is it the Max now? It's HBO Max.

[Steve Carell]

It's. I think there's two Maxes. It's HBO Max. Max.

[Stephen Colbert]

All right, so we have time. Do we have time to talk about this still? Okay, Steve, I just wonder what you have to. No, we do.

[Steve Carell]

We do.

[Stephen Colbert]

Steve, what's Rooster about?

[Steve Carell]

Oh, well, let me tell you, it is a heartwarming show that's funny and feels like a big, warm hug, but

[Stephen Colbert]

it kind of from this. Great.

[Steve Carell]

It is.

[Stephen Colbert]

I mean, honestly, it's sweet. It's from all these. The makers of the TED Lasso and Bill Lawrence.

[Steve Carell]

Yep. Bill Lawrence created it. It's really funny. It does have a lot of heart. It was incredibly enjoyable to do, and I kind of love it. So

[Stephen Colbert]

you're a father. You're a father who's worried about his daughter.

[Steve Carell]

Right. It's a big father daughter, like a father with an adult daughter. And they're navigating, like, what that means now. And, you know, as fathers of adult daughters, you kind of have to ratchet it back and let them make their own mistakes, and it's a little hard.

[Stephen Colbert]

And here is you and Nancy with your adult daughter and your adult son. Look at that happy family right there. Just absolutely beautiful. I'm just curious. How did things changed for me when I had our. When we had our first kid? What was that moment like? Did it change how you did your work?

[Steve Carell]

Well, I historically auditioned really badly for everything. I would get nervous, I'd get tongue tied. I just wouldn't be in the moment. Awful. As soon as I had. As soon as we had Annie, all of that just disappeared because I didn't. My priorities were completely different, and I didn't care so much. It's like a career would be nice, but I've Got this now. So I'm getting a lot. Sorry. Much lovely, but. And the first thing I auditioned for. Julia Louis Dreyfus had a show. And this was like a week after she was born. I flew out for one day from New York to la.

[Stephen Colbert]

It was this New Adventures of Old Christine or something.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, it was one like, in between.

[Stephen Colbert]

Just as great.

[Steve Carell]

Yeah, it was. It was fun, but. And I had a great audition and I got the part because. And I was showing her pictures of my daughter and it was all about that.

[Stephen Colbert]

I just remember when I first held my. My daughter was our. We had an eldest daughter. I thought, oh, I've been dumb because I thought I knew what was important, right? And now I was completely wrong. And second thing was, oh, my God, if my mom loves me a fraction of how much I love this thing, instantly I've been a terrible son. You know what I mean? Like, I haven't paid it up nearly enough.

[Steve Carell]

I think you've been a wonderful son. I can thank you.

[Stephen Colbert]

Thank you.

[Steve Carell]

Knowing you, there is no doubt in my mind that you were the best son.

[Stephen Colbert]

Oh, well, thank you. I'm sure you're okay now.

[Steve Carell]

God, did I set?

[Stephen Colbert]

Ma', am, we gotta go. I could talk to you. I got so many, like, so many things we didn't talk about here. And this is probably it, man. This is probably it for this. Cause we only have like 30, 35 more shows or something like that.

[Steve Carell]

I'll be in the audience.

[Stephen Colbert]

Well, you know what? You know what? Thank you for being in the audience. I will not be on stage. Steve, I love you. Thanks for being here. Rooster is available this Sunday on HBO. Max. Mr. Steve Carell, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Late Show Pod show with Stephen Colbert. Just one more thing. If you want to see more of me, come to The Late Show YouTube channel for more clips and exclusives.

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[Steve Carell]

Huzzah.

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[Steve Carell]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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[Stephen Colbert]

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