← The Latest with Loren LoRosa
The Latest with Loren LoRosa
All The Real Fathers Please Stand Up ( Loren Deep Does a Deep Deep Dive About Fatherhood)
00:16:12
Loading summary
Transcript43 lines
- [00:00]
Lauren LaRosa
This is an I heart podcast. I'm the homegirl that knows a little bit about everything and everybody exclusive.
- [00:11]
Deval Ellis
No, she don't lie about that.
- [00:12]
Kirk Franklin
Right? Lauren came in hot.
- [00:15]
Lauren LaRosa
Hey, y' all, it's Lauren LaRosa. And this is the latest with Lauren LaRosa. Now this is always your daily dig into all things entertainment, news, pop culture, and the conversations that shake the room. I love episodes where, you know, it's in, like, real time. Things have really happened and we can just get on here. We could talk a little bit. Checking in behind the scenes of the grind, which is where we, you know, pull the curtain back and just check on each other, see how we feeling.
- [00:42]
DC Young Fly
Back on the grind.
- [00:45]
Lauren LaRosa
I am feeling very well rested. I. I've probably said that a lot in the last, like, couple weeks because I've been prioritizing, making sure I get my rest in. Cuz it's been a lot happening. But this weekend in particular was Father's Day weekend. I went home and literally did nothing. When I say I went home, I mean I went home to my hometown with my family in Delaware and did nothing. Like, literally got in my mom's bed and slept. Spent time with my grandmother. It was Father's Day. My brother is a father, so, you know, he was in the house. We really didn't do much of anything, but it felt good to be doing nothing. But Father's Day was happening and the posts were everywhere. I love seeing dads be dads. I love seeing black fathers. Black father is one of my favorite things to see. But I came across this conversation getting into the latest. I came across this conversation that Kirk Franklin hosted on his YouTube channel. And it's for a series that he has called Den of Kings. And the premise of the sit down is what happens when black men sit down, take off their mask, and speak from the heart. In the premiere of Den of Kings, Grammy winner Kirk Franklin is joined by D.C. young, fly Deval Ellis. I love Devalue L. Young and Country Wayne for a raw, honest, and powerful conversation about fatherhood, faith, masculinity, and healing. From growing up without a blueprint to leading their families with intentional love, this round table pulls no punches. This isn't about being perfect. It's about being present, y' all. I love conversations like this. Even though I'm not a, you know, I'm a woman. I was gonna say even though I'm not a man, but it's like, duh, Lauren. I love conversations like this, though, because I feel like as a woman and when I'M watching these things, it makes me look at, like, I don't know how men think. I don't know how men deal with what they go through. I only know what I experienced from the men in my life. My brother, my dad, my stepdad, my. My male friends. So I'm always interested in learning and seeing, you know, kind of the other side of the, of the pillow and like, and like, what the experiences are like from a man's point of view. And that's exactly what this was. They talked about so many different things, and it got really, really deep. The first thing they opened up with, I thought was very powerful. Kirk Franklin asked them, you know, you know, what is the biggest myth about black dads? And here's what they said.
- [02:58]
Kirk Franklin
The biggest myth that society has about black fathers, that we're sick and tired of that. You want to address that?
- [03:08]
DC Young Fly
We ain't there. I'm about to say.
- [03:09]
Lauren LaRosa
I'm just gonna say that we deadbeats.
- [03:11]
DC Young Fly
We might not be there.
- [03:11]
Kirk Franklin
We be across the street, grandma, house somewhere.
- [03:13]
DC Young Fly
We down the street might not be in the house. Fact of the matter is, studies show that black fathers are the most present in their really amongst all demographics.
- [03:24]
Kirk Franklin
Wow.
- [03:24]
DC Young Fly
On top of that, single fathers have a higher graduation rate and lower incarceration rate than single moms and dual family households combined. That is a fact.
- [03:34]
Kirk Franklin
So then with those stats really being relevant now, where is this myth still continuing to come from?
- [03:39]
DC Young Fly
You think narratives. Think about it, right? We all watch tv. That's everything that we consume comes from either through a phone, TV or film, right? There are people who have agendas, right? And part of that agenda is creating a separation between men and women in our communities. It's always been that way.
- [03:57]
Lauren LaRosa
And man, when I tell y' all, this hit me because every single year for like Father's Day and you know, even on Mother's Day, seeing fathers post their kids with their kids mom or like, you know, their, their wives and all these things, I'm like, I look around and I don't know no men that are not in their kids lives. I don't know any men that are not taking care of their kids. I don't, like, I just don't know those guys. But I know at one point in time, it felt like it was very different. Like when I was younger, especially because I didn't grow up with my father in my household, I didn't meet my dad until I was 13, 14 years old. And then after that, me and him, you know, like, I knew who he was I knew where to reach him. I knew how to call him and all that. But it's different having him in the household and even just having a very close relationship to him. Because I didn't grow up with my father in the household, it wasn't normal for me to just, like, always want to call my dad or spend time with my dad or talk. Like, those things weren't just a natural thing for me because I go on a long time of my life without doing it. Even now, me and my dad talk. You know, I'll text him. We might check in here and there. But if I don't talk to my dad for weeks at a time, it's not unnormal for me. But my mother and my grandmother who raised me, if I don't talk to them for a day, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm too busy. The world is coming to an end. Even my. My stepdad, my brother's father, who, you know, stepped in and really helped out with me, I don't talk to him every single day. But if. If. If too much time goes past, I'm like, let me call him. I ain't heard from him even going home for Father's Day this weekend. I was. My intention was like, okay, I want to. I want to go see him. He was running around. I was running around. But I was like, I have to see him. I have to talk to him. So it's. It's just, you know, I think it's been such a normal thing and an easy thing for people to say that black fathers are not in the household. And some of us have experienced that. I just shared my experience with that. Right? But I have all of my friends that have their fathers in their home. I have friends that, you know, have kids, and even if they are not with their child's father, their father is in their child's life very actively. All of my male friends are super, super, super, super dads. I don't know them. I don't know them people. I don't know them men. So just by that being the opening conversation, I was like, yo, this is about this, about to get real, real good. So next, they talked about something that I thought was also, you know, very interesting as well. Kirk Franklin had a public spat with his son, and it was very, very public. Kirk Franklin and his son went back and forth about a ton of different things. His son alleged that there was no support, that, you know, that there was. There was a lot of allegations at that time. And, you know, with K Kirk Franklin being a. A. A faith leader, people looked at this and was like, hold on. Wait, What? Kirk Franklin. Like, Kirk Franklin and people that are in the faith and in worship and leadership of any sort, you don't get the same chances to, like, have issues in the family, have issues in your marriage, have. So they talked about it, and here's what Kirk Franklin had to say.
- [06:54]
Kirk Franklin
There is a reality that when you live with someone every day.
- [06:58]
DC Young Fly
Yes.
- [06:58]
Kirk Franklin
And you're in a house with. With. With. With these images of you and this person that is looking for you, to not only be there for them, but to also keep the lights on, keep a certain lifestyle going for everybody. There's a tension, and I can understand now why they have such an ease in how they talk.
- [07:20]
Deval Ellis
So what's the tension if y' all in the house, like. Cause I'm like, okay, I. Eventually, I want to be married. Right. I'm listening to married men, successful married men. Right. And y' all telling me, y' all in the house. Y' all can walk down the steps.
- [07:34]
DC Young Fly
Yeah.
- [07:35]
Deval Ellis
See the family.
- [07:35]
Kirk Franklin
Yeah.
- [07:36]
Deval Ellis
And still feel like I'm not here enough.
- [07:39]
DC Young Fly
You wanna know why?
- [07:39]
Kirk Franklin
Yes.
- [07:39]
DC Young Fly
I'm gonna tell you why.
- [07:40]
Lauren LaRosa
Yes.
- [07:41]
DC Young Fly
I'm gonna tell you right now.
- [07:41]
Deval Ellis
What's the difference?
- [07:42]
DC Young Fly
I'm gonna tell you right now why. We live in an age where women, too, are not just wanting to be homemakers. My wife has her own career. You know how I got my side chick? That's my career. My wife got a side chick. That's her career. My wife just. Just booked her first series regular role after having four of my kids. So now it's the time where Deval gotta be supportive. I gotta step back. So now she has to go film. So when she has to go film, who has to step in and do all the things at home when she's gone? I do.
- [08:11]
Lauren LaRosa
Now, the reason why I thought that that was dope was because all the men at that table are all, like. They have followings, their personalities, their talent, their celebrities. Right. And they're all navigating this space. And we've seen things happen with them publicly, like Deval and his wife. There was recently a video that went viral from an ESSENCE interview that he did where he broke down, just about not being able to show up and have the time. And then we have DC Young Fly, who we know, the mother of his kids, Jackie O. Passed away not too long ago following plastic surgery, and he's been publicly dealing with that. And you have Country Wayne, who even in his. Sit down, he Talked about, you know, some of the issues he's had with the mother of his kids, because there are multiple different women and multiple kids and making that mesh. And even with Lou, he talked a lot about a lot of the things that he's been through. I don't. I'm not as familiar with his situation, but he's talked about a lot of the things that he went through just figuring it out. And, man, when you figuring it out in front of the world like these young men are talking about, it is not easy. I can't imagine doing it with kids, and I can't imagine doing it with kids as the male in the household who has to always have it together. That's a whole different play. And they even got into that, got into it about the idea of being a father and, like, the pressures that come with that and what it's like when you have a father in the household, because all of them had different situations. Kirk Franklin was adopted, so he didn't have his, you know, his mother and his father. DC Young, fly. Talked about, you know, his dad not really being around and having to figure it out on his own. So the country Wayne a bit, but he said, you know, he could get in contact with his dad. His dad was there, but it was still a little bit different. Deval grew up with his dad in the house, but he talked about having a dad in the house but still having issues. I think the biggest point from this interview, though, was they started talking about. Because I played y' all the audio of Deval when he's talking about how, you know, he's just busy and things are just happening. And, you know, Deval, it's like they have their YouTube channel where they. They focus on their family and they tell all these stories and things of that nature, right? But then at the same time, he's an actor and, you know, he's an influencer, and they move. And him, his wife, their career, they have their book that they came to the Breakfast Club and talked about. Their careers are moving. Like, it's. It's. It's amazing to see. But when I saw him break down in that ESSENCE interview, I was like, wow, you never know what people are going through because they package it so well. But he also talked about just being a man right in the house and wanting to take jobs and opportunities, but you can't, because you don't want to feel like you slight in your family. And I've never thought about this because as a woman, especially as a woman with no kids, I Just I get up and go, I do what I want. But even my friends that have kids, like the women that I know that have kids that have these opportunities, they, they, they take on what they take on, they bring the kids along with them or they don't. And when they don't, it's kind of normal for the world to see a woman be like, nope, got kids at home, can't do it. But for a man, you get super over applauded when you're like, nope, can't do it, got kids at home. But then when you're absent, there's a conversation around you as an absentee father as well too. So let's take a listen to that. I thought that this point was very.
- [11:17]
DC Young Fly
Interesting as well there' and this is why it's so hard for me. I don't feel like I ever have enough time.
- [11:24]
Kirk Franklin
Yes.
- [11:24]
DC Young Fly
And even for my son, bro, I made every football game for my oldest son, but I missed his banquet. And you know what he said to my wife? That's why I'll never be an actor. You know, you just miss so much stuff. See, see, my son is the oldest and he's the one who will say to me that I know you out there grinding, but it can't, it don't change the fact that it hurts him.
- [11:43]
Lauren LaRosa
Facts.
- [11:43]
DC Young Fly
And I want to be, this is a fact. I want to be the biggest star in the world. I want to. Right? That's what I want to do. But I know what that requires. That requires that I'm away a lot, right? And now I'm in a situation where I can make a lot of money doing something that'll give me the autonomy to be with my family. But that's not what I want to do. And that's what I'm struggling with. Like, that's why sometimes I be so heavy because I'm like, yo, I'm doing this. I don't to want to do this.
- [12:14]
Lauren LaRosa
Now, of course, because it was Father's Day and people were having so many real conversations about how beautiful it was to see, you know, dads with their, you know, just the generation of fathers, like so many celebrities were posting. I saw so many different people posting and I posted a question from this interview. I said, cuz, cuz Kirk Franklin asked this in an interview. He's, he asked, he said, what's your biggest fear in raising your kids? So I tweeted, taking it to the streets in the tweets.
- [12:44]
DC Young Fly
You for the tweets.
- [12:45]
Lauren LaRosa
We outside. We outside. We outside. Outside.
- [12:47]
Kirk Franklin
In the tweets, every other page are gold.
- [12:51]
Lauren LaRosa
I said, black fathers, what's your biggest fear in raising your kids? It's just opinion, responded my son, that my son doesn't create a broken home and that he doesn't become someone's stepdad. He's currently a sophomore in college. So right now I just want him to finish school and settle into life. He wants not one that happened. That's so crazy because I feel like we don't think about enough how people settle in relationships. And I, and I know women settle, but I always say this to my male friends because I have a lot of male friends too, who they're. And when I say subtle, I'm not saying that like they're taking less or they with people that they don't want to be with. But sometimes they're not happy and they can't really communicate it. They can't really, you know, they're being super dad. They're being provided or being this. They're being. And they can't talk about it. So they're living lives that just happen. They're not living lives that they actually want to be living, that they love, that they enjoy, that, you know, sparks their interest every day and things of that nature like that. That's not where they are. And then another person responded and said that my daughter doesn't become someone's baby mama nor have multiple kids by multiple men. After college, I wanted her to settle into her career and be self sufficient, which she did. And I think that that's another thing as well too is like, you know, when you're raising daughters as a father, the protective nature kicks in, right? But there's a certain level of she has to go and live her life. If she becomes a mother who is a single mom who is a co parent, she has to experience that. And it gets to a certain point as a parent where you can't protect your kids from that no matter how much super dad you are. I am. Truzy said, my greatest fear is raising a child into an adult who lacks critical thinking, accountability and communication skills. Man. Someone else said, oh, small city Legacy said, not preparing my kids to survive and thrive in a world when I no longer exist. That's my biggest fear, y' all, as I close out. Because all of this, I'm getting to the point now where, like, you know, I'm starting to think about family and what family planning looks like for me when I have kids and how that will work. Especially being here at Breakfast Club and seeing envy and Jess and Charlamagne with their families and their wives and their husbands. I'm like, okay, I do want this, and I want to start planning for it. But it's like, my biggest fear is to be slowed down by that and how to manage all of that. But also, I'm like, this world is so harsh. I feel like this about my niece as well. But what happens to my babies if I'm no longer here? Who protects them? Who go to war for them? And I think as men, you know, again, the fathers are the protector. So that has to be such a big thing for you guys. And they talked about that even in the sit down of just like, you know, you're shielding the family so much. It's always you shielding the family, but there's nobody to shield you as the dad, as the man in the house. So I wanted to take this episode to just spend some time talking about the dad. Showing y' all some love. Showing y' all feeling some love. Dads, tweet me. Let me know how your Father's Day was. And please go and watch this den conversation with Kirk Franklin and this sit down and let me know what you guys thought about it. Low riders. All my. All the male low riders out there. I promise y' all, this is a conversation that you guys are not going to want to miss. Hit me. I want to hear how you guys feel and what you guys are thinking. I want to know. It's Lauren LaRosa. And at the end of the day, there's always a lot to talk about. So I enjoy every single time you guys are here with me to talk about it, because y' all could be anywhere else. I'll be back in my next episode. We got some things to talk about. You know, we was in court. Kanye popped up. I'mma do a side piece on that. This is an iHeart podcast.