Co Parenting Ain't For The Weak ( Jess Hilarious and Rome interview )

Summary

The Latest with Loren LoRosa
Episode: “Co Parenting Ain’t For The Weak” (Jess Hilarious and Rome Interview)
Date: May 1, 2026
Host: Loren LoRosa – The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

This candid and lively episode features a heartfelt conversation between Loren LoRosa, comedian/author Jess Hilarious, and her co-parent and former partner, Rome. The discussion—based on Jess’s new book “To Death Dewy Parent”—dives into their tumultuous journey from young parents to mature co-parents, addressing generational trauma, emotional growth, and the ongoing work of raising a child together. The conversation is peppered with humor, realness, and occasionally tough truths, offering both practical and emotional lessons on parenting, relationships, and personal evolution.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Beginning: Young, Scared, and Pregnant

• Jess’s Candid Recollection of Finding Out She Was Pregnant
  • At 19, Jess discovered she was pregnant and was terrified, not just about breaking the news to Rome but also to her strict parents.
  • Quote: “I was nervous. I knew I had missed my period… I knew I was pregnant. I was afraid that me telling him that I was pregnant would run him away because we were young and we just didn’t know what we were doing. We were babies ourselves.” (05:23)
• Immediate vs. Lingering Fear
  • The initial relief: Rome was happy about the pregnancy, giving Jess momentary comfort.
  • The cycle of anxiety persisted through their relationship until feelings for each other were resolved.
  • Quote: “That fear left, came back, left, came back. And it finally totally subsided once he and I got past our feelings for each other. Because then it was nothing else to be afraid of.” (08:49)

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2. Generational Trauma & Patterns

• Influence of Family Upbringing
  • Rome discusses how he learned fatherhood by watching his dad and grandfather, who were present as providers and protectors, but not emotionally open or communicative.
  • Quote: “My dad only protected and provided… Now that I’m vulnerable to talk about things and open up my feelings… My dad and my grandfather couldn’t do that.” (13:08)
• Jess’s Perspective
  • She reflects on how watching her own mother remain steadfast in difficult relationships influenced her tendency to “hold it down” for the men in her life.
  • Both recognize the importance of breaking these inherited cycles for their children.
  • Quote: “He’s trying to break those generational curses and create new patterns so his kids won’t have to go through the things that he went through.” (18:31)

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3. Active Co-Parenting and Softening Masculinity

• Rome’s Growth as a Father
  • Rome admits he is actively working on being “softer” with his kids, especially his eldest son Ashton, to encourage open communication instead of instilling fear or emotional distance.
  • Quote: “I’m just trying to be softer… I want my baby to be able to tell me everything because I couldn’t do that with my dad.” (20:16)
• Respecting Children and Adjusting Parental Roles
  • Both parents emphasize the need to adapt as children grow, highlighting that teenagers require new approaches and more nuanced conversations—especially about relationships and honesty.

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4. Using Personal Stories to Educate Their Son and Future Generations

• Authenticity in Storytelling
  • Jess notes the honesty in her book is meant to serve as a roadmap for her son (and other kids) about what can happen—good or bad—when navigating love, mistakes, and co-parenting.
  • Rome plans a second book from a father’s perspective to fill in gaps from Jess’s narrative.
  • Quote: “Honesty will get you much, much further… It’s understanding and grace on a different level.” (23:11)

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5. Vulnerability and Accountability: The LA Incident

• A Raw Confession from Jess (Chapter 7)
  • Jess recounts a painful period when another man left her son alone for hours while she worked, admitting her own dating mistakes and the guilt she felt as a mother.
  • Quote: “I felt as a mom I dropped the ball because this is the [guy] I committed myself to… Trying to get over another guy… Not even for my son.” (30:16)
  • Rome’s mature response is notable—he doesn’t blame Jess, recognizing that sometimes parents must trust others out of necessity, and the real fault lies with the untrustworthy caregiver.
  • Quote: “Sometimes as parents, we gotta go to work… You expecting or trusting the school, the daycare, the home babysitter… to take care of your child. Right. And he failed at that.” (32:23)

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6. Navigating Teenage Years and Maintaining the Co-Parenting Unit

• Co-Parenting Challenges Through the Child’s Growth
  • Both acknowledge the hardest part is continually re-learning your child as they mature.
  • Rome shares the challenge of guiding his son through early romantic relationships, balancing discipline and allowing space for learning.
  • Notable Moment: Ashton is caught juggling girlfriends, prompting Rome to reflect on how to handle these teen issues constructively.
  • Quote: “He’s talking to other women, you know, and he cheating on his girlfriend… I don’t condone him doing that and I’m so serious.” (37:53)
• Unified, But Distinctive, Parenting Approaches
  • Lauren observes that the child benefits from both parental perspectives—even when Jess’s and Rome’s approaches contrast.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Early Pregnancy Fears (Jess):
  “I Gotta tell this [man] that I’m pregnant too. You know what I’m saying? So it was definitely like…fear for everything. My life, my parents, my boyfriend…” (07:07)
• On Breakthroughs About Parental Roles (Rome):
  “Your father wasn’t a father. He was a provider. That’s two different things.” (14:28)
• On Co-Parenting Lessons (Jess):
  “Once you take feelings out of it and you understand how to give grace and understand how a person thinks, y’all will be— it’s nothing that nobody can tell y’all.” (24:11)
• On Growth and Self-Awareness (Rome):
  “The biggest thing that I’m at right now is trying to be more soft…With my children…so I can give him what to do before it go wrong, if that makes sense.” (19:15; 20:34)
• On Vulnerability in Parenting Mistakes (Jess):
  “I was afraid to tell you even in that moment…you’ve always held me high up in regards to being a mom… I just didn’t want that on my reputation from you.” (33:43)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [05:23] Jess recounts finding out she’s pregnant at 19.
• [08:49] How fear persisted and eventually subsided post-breakup.
• [13:08] Rome discusses learning about fatherhood from his dad and grandfather.
• [18:31] Breaking generational trauma and parenting patterns.
• [20:16] Rome’s commitment to being a softer, more approachable father.
• [23:11] Using honesty and their story to educate their son and others.
• [30:16] Chapter 7 revelation: The LA incident (Jess’s painful confession).
• [32:23] Rome’s non-reactive, understanding response to the LA story.
• [36:12-37:53] The complexities of co-parenting a teenager; Ashton’s romantic escapades.

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Final Thoughts & Resources

• Book Availability: Jess’s “To Death Dewy Parent” is available in hardcover, paperback, audiobook (narrated by Jess herself), and ebook on all major platforms.
• Quotes on Audiobook:
  Jess: “If you always on the move and you don’t have time to sit down and read or if you can’t read, you can listen, guys. And I can read and I can write. That’s why I wrote the book. I just can’t read real fast, but I’m reading this book, and it is amazing.” (39:37)

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Episode Takeaways

• Co-parenting is a journey of constant growth, requiring emotional honesty, communication, and grace—not just with your co-parent, but with yourself.
• Breaking generational patterns is hard but possible, and the work is never finished.
• Parenting through mistakes, vulnerability, and humility can ultimately strengthen the family bond.

A must-listen for anyone interested in real, unfiltered co-parenting stories, generational healing, and the power of authentic communication within families.

Transcript

[Lauren LaRosa]

This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.

[Wheezy]

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[Dr. J. Barnett]

Whether you're calling the wise women in your life, video calling your girlfriends across the country, or checking in on someone who always knows how to make you smile, staying connected matters. Those small conversations, shared laughs and quick hellos are what keep relationships strong, even when life gets busy. Some of the most life giving conversations start with just a phone call. That's why AT&T guarantees a network you can rely on, so you can focus on the moments and people that matter the Most. That's the ATT guarantee. AT&T connecting changes everything. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.comguarantee for details.

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[Rome]

Within probably 10 days, I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jess Hilarious]

The story I've told myself can then

[Lauren LaRosa]

shape my behavior and that can lead

[Jess Hilarious]

me to sabotage the possibility of connection

[Lauren LaRosa]

this Mental Health Awareness Month. Tune into the podcast Deeply well with Debbie Brown. If you've been searching for a soft place to land while doing the work to become whole, this podcast is for you to hear more. Listen to Deeply well with Debbie Brown from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Dr. J. Barnett]

Let's get to it.

[Rome]

Time to do it.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I'm the homegirl that knows a little bit about everything in every body.

[Jess Hilarious]

You hear that exclusive.

[Rome]

You know she don't lie about that, right?

[Jess Hilarious]

Lauren came in hot.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Hey y', all, what's up? It's Lauren LaRosa and this is the latest with Lauren LaRosa. This is your daily dig on all things pop culture, entertainment news and all of the conversations that shake the room, Baby. Now I am bringing you guys another conversation that definitely shook the room. So just hilarious, co host of the Breakfast Club, comedian mother, and now author of all the things, sat down for a live Q and A with me, hosted by me with her son's dad, her son Ashton, who she co parents with his dad, Jerome or Rome. Now Jess, hilarious, dropped her book to death, Dewey Parent, which is available everywhere. You get your books. There's also an audiobook. I suggest the audiobook. I mean, unless you like to physically have the copies as well. Because Jess is so animated and she actually reads the book. It was a great listen and an easy listen. Her book is out, available everywhere. She's recently hit, you know, Amazon's parenting and families list. She's number one on that list. And then she made number two on another Amazon list for like comedy advice books as well. The book is amazing. But this isn't about my review. This episode is a real authentic live conversation that we did via Instagram and now we're bringing it here to the podcast because I think you guys need to hear it. Even if you're not a co parent. There is something that can be learned from Jess and Rome in their relationship. The ups, the downs, and, you know, everything in between. About communication, about empathy and love for people, for your people, about family, family unit, about generational trauma and about women and how we take on so many things and what that manifests or become and how that becomes tangible in our real day to day lives. So take a listen to this conversation. God, buy Jess book. I want to hear from you guys. Get outside in the streets, in the tweets and tell me what you guys think about the conversation. When I think about co parenting after reading your book, I think about the co and kind of how it's like a company. Like, you know, you have different people that play different roles and leadership within the company, have to be right for everything else to flow and sync so that y' all can get to the one common goal, which is to raise your son Ashton, the best way that you guys can. So I want to start from the beginning. I broke it up into four different areas. So my first thing that I want to touch on with you guys is the trauma. So throughout the book, there's a lot that you guys go through both separately and together. So I want to talk about the things separately first because I think that it plays into why you guys relationship was, you know, as traumatic as it was probably for both of you guys. Even though we hear More of just aside here. But, like, Jess, I know, you know, during a lot of this, you're young. You're very young. How old are you when the book picks up with you telling Rome that you were pregnant?

[Jess Hilarious]

I was 19 years old, and we were in his house, and he was outside hooping, and I was in the house pooping. That's the crazy stuff. I was in the bathroom, and then I just kept. I was nervous. I knew I had missed my period, and I was like, yo, I know I'm pregnant. I know I'm pregnant. I know I'm pregnant. And I was scared to take the test. And, yeah, I was. I was afraid that me telling him that I was pregnant will run him away because we were young and we just didn't know what we were doing. We were babies ourselves. And then I was scared to tell my parents because they didn't even know that I had a boyfriend and that I was sneaking all the way on the other side of Baltimore City to see him. So, yeah, that's where it started. I was 19.

[Lauren LaRosa]

And when. When you. When you open with that, I thought that that was, like, really, like. I mean, it's the beginning of the story, but I thought that it painted a different picture of you because us knowing Jess. Hilarious. Now, you're a very strong, bold. Like, you know, you hold it together well. But we open the book with you completely falling apart because you're 19. You find out that you're pregnant. Do you remember how you felt like, in that moment? Just, like, mentally? Like, is there, like, a nerve? You said you were nervous, but is there, like, a nervousness to the point where, like, you know, you can't even fathom what is to come next? And you're. Did you think your life was over? Like, what is your life?

[Rome]

Absolutely.

[Jess Hilarious]

I definitely knew it would slow me down. I didn't even know what career I was going into. I didn't even know. That's what I'm saying. Like, we were real babies, Literally babies. I was still being raised by my parents. I'm 19, although I'm a year away from 20. I didn't know what avenue I wanted to go in, what industry I wanted to go in with a career. All I knew was I wanted to model. I had to get out my mom's house, you know what I'm saying? She wanted me to go to college. Just certain things that I didn't have together yet. And then here goes the baby that. It's like, oh, my gosh. And I gotta.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I gotta.

[Jess Hilarious]

I Gotta tell this nigga that I'm pregnant too. You know what I'm saying? So it was definitely like. It was fear. It was fear, yeah, it was nervous, but it was fear. Fear for everything. My life, my parents, my boyfriend. Like, you know, I don't know.

[Lauren LaRosa]

How much of that fear do you think you held onto throughout the remainder of the relationship until y' all got to the co parenting part? Because it started off with you feeling like everything's in shambles. This may not work. I don't know what I'm doing. How much of that did you hold on to throughout the whole time? Or did you ever let that go and be like, not. Not when you got to the cope, not the good part, but when y' all were going through things, was that in the back of your mind?

[Jess Hilarious]

It was. It definitely was in the back of my mind. And honestly, what made me feel better, it was like bittersweet, Bittersweet. Because I'm scared when I found out I'm pregnant, when I found out I'm pregnant. And then I'm scared when I tell Rome. But Rome relieved me of a lot of that pressure because I remember I said I thought that he was gonna be like, oh, shit, bye, I'm gone. But he was happy. He was, oh, shit, we gonna have a baby. Like, what are you crying for? What's going on? So that made me feel better for a minute until I remembered, damn, I gotta tell my parents. And then, damn, if we have the baby, we gotta raise it. And where is it gonna. We don't live together. We don't have jobs, we don't have a house. We're gonna be in separate homes. All of that was running. That's what happens. Like, you. You create scenarios in your head when you don't know what else to do, you know? And then so I have the baby, and we. We start going through things. And so now that fear is back, because I'm like, damn, we can't be a family. We can't be a family. Not even thinking that, yo, the life is. Our life is not gonna be over. Your life is not over. We still have a baby to raise, and we have to come together and get past all this. Even in our young minds, trying to figure out, like, how we navigate this co parenting journey at such a young age with trauma on both sides. More so Rome than I, but we're trying to figure it out. So, yeah, that fear left, came back. Left, came back. And it finally. And it finally totally subsided once he and I got past our Feelings for each other. Because then it was nothing else to be afraid of.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Rome, I have a really honest question for you. When I was reading that part of the book, and the reason why I asked Jess that is because I feel like, you know, in the beginning when Jess tells you she's pregnant, you're, like, very supportive and, you know, you're excited. But as you guys begin to go through things, I feel like you know exactly what to do and say every time to make her feel that support that she felt in the very beginning. Like, you know, like, you know, you had her there. How much of the situation when y' all were going back and forth about, you know, being good and not being good, how much of that in your mind was actual manipulation because you needed to feed your ego or you actually cared about being with your family?

[Rome]

I'm gonna make this clear. I never had an ego.

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh, what, you got an ego right now?

[Rome]

I didn't have an ego.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I'm sorry.

[Jess Hilarious]

You have an ego.

[Rome]

When it came to you and Ashton, it was never an ego. Those things to Lauren, you. I had one honest answer for you. My dad, it was taught. Like, I was so imagine, like I said, I'm 19 as well. But I was just so superb. Like, it was just so. I was so superb at it. And I just. And mind you, my dad never sat me down and said this and said that. I just listened and I was like, when I was 14, I probably was like. So when I'm 19, I'm probably mentally on certain levels. I'm probably like 23. So, like, I don't know, man. I just always knew what to say. Even in school, I just always was the one who got everybody out of trouble and all of that.

[Jess Hilarious]

But I did tell you, I did make mention a lot that he is very charming and that's how he got me to keep coming back. And although he say the ego is not in him knowing what to say to get me back, he does have. He's always had an ego, a very big ego. But I do believe at one point you did want to have a family.

[Rome]

When telling when, when, when saying those things to you wasn't an ego. It just. I knew what to say. And yes, of course, you know, I always use my charming.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

And my nice teeth and smile and I would get my way. Yeah.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yep.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Not on the birthday. So I just.

[Rome]

You know what I'm saying?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Somebody called me a nice smile.

[Rome]

Somebody called me the birthday the other day. What that meant.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Oh, okay.

[Jess Hilarious]

It's a whole. Right. He Acting like it's a whole.

[Lauren LaRosa]

The birthday means like, you the ish. Like.

[Jess Hilarious]

All right.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That's why we need to say my next.

[Rome]

Hold up. I got mad, though. Like, I really want to he know.

[Jess Hilarious]

You see, I didn't know, see, because,

[Rome]

like, it was a lot of people around, she saying, you the birthday. And I'm like, what?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Like what? Don't nobody blow up my.

[Rome]

Yeah, that. That's what I'm thinking. I'm like, oh, okay. But all right.

[Jess Hilarious]

Okay.

[Lauren LaRosa]

My follow up question for you, Rome, was you said, you know, you, you just listened and like, your dad never said certain things, so you just listened and you watched. Jess talks a lot about toward the later part of the book, your relationship with your dad. And I think once Jess realizes, like, once you guys step out of your relationship, Right, and we're still talking about the trauma from the relationship, but once you step out of it, I think Jess is then able to clearly see some of the, the things that built, you know, the hurt that was being put on to her. Has your dad read this book?

[Rome]

No, my dad ain't read it yet, but no.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay, what was your dad like in candid conversations when everything was happening with you and Jess, when the baby shower moment happened, when the, you know, what was he saying to you? Like, was there ever a time where he comes to you as a man and be like, no get together?

[Rome]

No, my dad was always more of a protector, right. He provided when he can, but, you know, he linked on my stepmother a lot for that part. But, like, my dad was more of a protector. And I've had, and not crazy, but the beautiful thing about the moment I'm explaining to you now is I honestly finally was able to get me and my dad to sit down and talk and ask him, why were you like that? And his reason was because of my dad. My dad only protected and provided. Now we got into the other things as well. But, like, I understand why my dad and my grandfather, which is my mother father, though I understand why those two men, I understand more why those two men did the things that they did and how they treated me. And to understand that honestly made me love him and cherish him even more. Because times back then was a little different than now. Like, you know, now that I'm vulnerable to talk about things and open up my feelings to my child, mom, or whatever the case may be, or to you or to the colleagues. My dad and my grandfather couldn't do that. So even when my mom died, I asked my father, I'm like, well, why didn't you just get me therapy, dad? He said. He said, well, he called me my nickname. He said, I didn't know. I didn't know any of that. So.

[Jess Hilarious]

So it was just like a pattern.

[Rome]

It was a pattern.

[Jess Hilarious]

He only. He only knew to teach you what he learned. And that wasn't really much.

[Rome]

When I got mad at him and I did say, you know, my mouth is reckless at times, I got mad at my father and I said, your father wasn't a father. He was a provider. That's two different things. Yeah.

[Lauren LaRosa]

What conversations are you guys? Because on both sides, when I hear Jess's book and I'm talking to you now, Rome, I hear so much like, this is wheezy.

[Wheezy]

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[Dr. J. Barnett]

What's up, everyone? This is Dr. J. Barnett, and I am the host of just heal with Dr. J. It's hard to believe that the first phone call ever happened over 150 years ago. Just think about that. I also want you to think about. What time is it? It's springtime. It's time to get outside and enjoy this beautiful weather, hang out with some family and friends. Listen, I tell you who I'm going to connect with. I'm going to connect with myself because this is my birthday month. You? Yes, I am a spring baby. I'm gonna take me some runs. I'm gonna take me some long walks. I'm gonna probably go get some brunch too. You know, a little birthday brunch. And you know what? Over all of these years and phone calls, AT&T has been there connecting people in meaningful ways. This is more than just a story of technology and innovation. It's a story of human connection. And listen, with over 150 years of connecting, I just want to take this opportunity to remind you to call someone that you care about, because that's what it's about. Connecting.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Connecting changes everything.

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[Rome]

12 months.

[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

A towel, piano. Enjoy being fully alert.

[Jess Hilarious]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

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[Rome]

Within probably 10 days, I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Trauma that's passed down. And not even trauma, like even just decision making, just ways like, yes, you've talked about watching your mom stay with your dad through things. And all throughout this book, you are holding it down for the men that you love. And I'm like, why? Yeah, why is she not choosing herself? But it comes from, you know, you watching your mom roam a lot of things.

[Jess Hilarious]

I'm hearing you.

[Lauren LaRosa]

You watching and listening to your dad. What things today? And y' all and Yalls co parenting relationship today, are you guys being very intentional about not passing on to your children from yourselves?

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh, that's a. That's a good question. And that's something that Rome is actually working on right now, you know, trying not to. Oh, well, I can't. I'm sorry, I can't even answer for you. I'm so used to, like, doing the goddamn interviews by myself. I'm sorry. But I do see that he is, you know, learning to cope with his traumas much better. And something that he used to do was project his traumas onto his children because he just wanted to be the father that his father was not because his grandfather wasn't a Good father to his father, you know, so he's trying. I see a lot of. I see that in Rome. He's trying to break those generational curses and create new patterns so his kids won't have to go through the things that he went through. So I. I do see that. Would you agree with that or what?

[Rome]

Yeah, yeah, I would agree. I think the biggest thing that I'm at right now is trying to be more soft.

[Jess Hilarious]

Softer with your kids?

[Rome]

With my children, especially. Like, not even. Just. Especially my boys, but I got girls, too. But especially with my oldest, because I put so much on him, because he's the oldest and he's my first boy.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Ash is your oldest, Right?

[Rome]

That's not a question. That should have been a statement. Ash is my old.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I'm just clarifying for the audience who may not know.

[Rome]

Yeah, they should know. And I didn't name him a junior because I hated my name growing up, and I didn't want him to have to go through that. Yeah. Who names a person Jerome? But whatever.

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Shout out to all the Jeromes out there. Love you guys, by the way.

[Rome]

No, I'm sorry. Jerome with a G. Oh, okay.

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh, all the gurumes.

[Rome]

Yes, yes. Jerome with a G. Exactly. I'm special. I am special.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, you are.

[Rome]

And I'm in this. I'm in the state that I was born in. I'm special.

[Jess Hilarious]

Laura said. Yes, you are.

[Rome]

But my dad, I'm just trying to be softer because my son getting older now, and I feel like when you so, so, so strict and so hard, they tend to hide shit.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

And my son is my child. He acts just like me. I hate it. He got my ways, and I'm just trying to break him out of that. But I also want him to be able to talk to me and come to me so that I can give him what to do before it go wrong. If that makes sense.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rome]

So I'm in that stage. I'm in that stage of want my kids to be able to talk to me. And it's a little hard. It's not hard, but it is a little hard because I'm not they friend. I'm they dad. And I.

[Jess Hilarious]

But you can still be their comfort. All right.

[Rome]

I can sit with his comfort. You know, I'm his, you know, nurturer, love, have fun. We do all that. But I never wanted to be my kid friend. But I also want my baby. He growing up. And I want my baby to be able to tell me everything because I Couldn't do that with my dad. Like, he would shut me down. And maybe some of that came into me with not letting my kid be able to talk to me and not just saying no, but just it might be my energy or it might be my face or it might be my aura. My son pick up on all that. Like, I can come in from work and he be, oh, I ain't gonna talk to y'.

[Jess Hilarious]

All.

[Rome]

And he don't say it, but I, I. He's always like his father.

[Jess Hilarious]

He.

[Rome]

I read my son energy, and sometimes I don't like it because I'm like, yo, why? Why? Why did I do that? That right? So I love that. I'm just trying to be softer. That's it. I ain't really got nothing else.

[Jess Hilarious]

Good, good.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That's a. I mean, that's a. For a man to know and be aware of that. I know Jess talks about it in her book. So you've been working on it for some time. To be at it and try to consistently still work at that. That's a. That's a huge thing. That ain't nothing to, you know, play down. We have some questions from the chat from the people. Okay, yes.

[Jess Hilarious]

That would be great, because I know

[Lauren LaRosa]

you got to go.

[Jess Hilarious]

We got to go. It's okay.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Look, I'm here until the people come knocking at the door and not the cops. I got hair and makeup, so. Yeah. So questions from the chat. How we use this book to show your son not how life can be, but how it can become if these things happen to him. Basically, if your son ends up in a situation where he's having to co parent or just work through things with a person he's in a relationship with, trying to have a family with, how will you all use this book to talk him through it?

[Jess Hilarious]

The experiences. That's why we write. We wrote so candidly about our experiences. And then I need for y' all to understand. A lot of things didn't make the book. That's why Roma's gonna write part two from a father's perspective. But the things that didn't make the book, even those things, it's just stories and experiences that helped us get through it. And I'm gonna keep saying it. It's being honest and communicating. And when you're in your feelings about things, that's hard to do because you're trying to. You're you all the, the. It's a goal of getting a person back. You know what I mean? And you're gonna do anything to get that person back. Especially if you want your family, you know, and you haven't been honest or haven't been the best person to be in a relationship with. So you're gonna start lying to keep that person around. You're gonna start telling that person what they wanna hear to keep that person around. And you may feel compelled to do that, but no. Honesty will get you much, much further. And then another thing that it can teach our son, and y' all kids as well, is having to understand how people think. I had to understand how Rome looked at certain situations and why he looked at them that way, why he assessed certain issues that way. He's a very. He was very. He was a very defensive person. Still now sometimes when it comes to the topic of his mom and his kids, he's very defensive, and I understand that. But he was like that with everything at one point. And it was like, kind of hard to talk to him because he couldn't express himself in certain ways either. And. And either. Neither could I, because now I'm. It's like a battle of energy. So once you take feelings out of it and you understand how to give grace and understand how a person thinks, y' all will be. It's nothing that nobody can tell y'.

[Lauren LaRosa]

All.

[Jess Hilarious]

It's nothing because that's understanding and grace. On a different level, this is weezy

[Wheezy]

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[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal, but encouraged. It's the Enhanced Games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

[Rome]

Within probably 10 days, I'd put on £10. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

[Liberty Mutual / Superhuman Ad Voice]

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Iris Palmer]

I'm Iris Palmer and my new podcast is called Against All Odds. And that's exactly what the show is about. Doing whatever it takes to beat the odds. Get ready to hear from some of your favorite entrepreneurs and entertainers as they share stories about defying expectations, overcoming barriers, and breaking generational patterns. I'm talking to people like award winning actress, producer and director Eva Longoria.

[Jess Hilarious]

I think I had like $200 in my savings account and my mom goes,

[Lauren LaRosa]

what are you going to do?

[Jess Hilarious]

And I was like, I'll figure it out. We had a one bedroom apartment for like $400 a month and we all could not afford. Like, I was like, how am I going to make $100 a month?

[Iris Palmer]

I'm opening up like I've never before. For those of you who think you know me from what you've seen on social media, get ready to see a whole new side of me. Listen to Against All Odds with Iris Palmer as part of the Michael D Podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Why is everyone obsessed with romance right now? Like everyone your co worker who quote

[Jess Hilarious]

unquote doesn't read is reading romance your mom?

[Lauren LaRosa]

Book talk, the entire Internet. I'm Sanjanah bhasker. I'm Tyler McCall and this is Radio831, a romance podcast.

[Jess Hilarious]

The books, the tropes, the adaptations, the

[Lauren LaRosa]

drama, the discourse and what all of it says about how we actually love, yearn and obsess. We're going to Wuthering Heights, which for the record, is not a romance novel. And yet it has haunted the romance genre for 200 years. We're getting into dark romance age gaps, certain Russian hockey players and sentient objects

[Jess Hilarious]

in love, which is a thing.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That's the kind of conversation we're having every episode. Listen to the Radio 831 podcast starting on May 7th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Another question from the chat is what is one chapter that people are not ready for?

[Jess Hilarious]

Ooh, chapter seven. Rome is not even ready for that. I didn't. I. It's talk about a bit.

[Lauren LaRosa]

What Chapter seven, like just a. Don't give it all to them, but just a little synopsis.

[Jess Hilarious]

Okay, so basically in the. I talk about a period in Rome. Rome didn't know this, so. Okay, but there was a. A time where, I mean, a period of time where I had to move to LA because I was shooting the Fox sitcom Realm.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yes, yes, that chapter is good. Go ahead.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yes.

[Rome]

And say Rome ain't ready. But I already read it.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah. Oh, you already read it. Oh, all right.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yeah.

[Jess Hilarious]

Because you didn't tell me you finished it. You stopped at one point, but you.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay, well, okay, so then, yes, go ahead, finish it now.

[Jess Hilarious]

Rome.

[Lauren LaRosa]

We'll let you come in because I haven't heard anything.

[Rome]

She can talk.

[Jess Hilarious]

All right, wait, I'm gonna tell you and then you can say whatever. Ok. I moved to la. I was shooting the Fox sitcom Row and I had. I was dating somebody. I had a boyfriend at that time. He was living in the condo out in LA with me. And Ash was there as well. And we had 14 to 18 hour days on set, you know what I mean? So I couldn't take Ash all the time. I'm asking him, like, hey, I need you to keep Ash on this day, on these days, I need you to help me out. I go to work one day, I come home, my son is in the house by himself. And he had told me that he had been left in there for about five or six hours, you get what I'm saying? Because my ex boyfriend was a fucking gambler and he would do anything to get to the casino. He would do anything to get money to win or to lose, whatever his. Whatever the verdict on the casino was that day. He would do anything to get, you know what it is to be him, you know what it's like, you know, we done seen off and he was right back in the casino the next day. So you know how addictive it is and how addicting it is, you know. And he left my son in the house for five or six hours. I come home now when Ash told me, I was like, okay, you're going back to work with me. Obviously that could have like fucked everything up on set. But they were understanding, they knew that I was out there and I had my son out there.

[Lauren LaRosa]

And how old was Ash at this time?

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh my God. Ash may have been like five or six. Yes, he was six. And he was still in the same. He was dirty, he was still in the same clothes from the night before when I left him. And he was like, I'm hungry. So I'm like, not only did you leave my son in the house. You didn't feed him, you didn't take him. I mean, you didn't tell him, get in the shower. Cause he could bathe himself by then. But you didn't, you know, you didn't even try to tell him, put on any clothes. You didn't take him outside the house with you. He had the balcony door open. Flies in the house because he was probably cold, because I kept the air up high. And you know what I mean? So I was just. I felt as a mom, I dropped the ball because this is the nigga that I committed myself to, you know what I'm saying? Trying to get over another guy. He was a rebound that. That I stayed with too long. And I was dating selfishly. That was in my. That was my period where I was dating guys for me, not for. And he wasn't even for me, but just going off of what made me feel good, what made me. You know what I mean? Not even for my son. And that is the part that I talk about in the book as well. Yo, you gotta pick somebody that is not only good for you, that's good for your kid. That nigga ain't had no kids. He ain't want none. And he didn't even care to.

[Lauren LaRosa]

That broke my heart when I read. When I was listening to that part. Because I know how you are about your baby in Rome. I can't imagine when you read it.

[Rome]

Yeah, I ain't. I ain't before I read it. I already know it. But I'm gonna tell you how strict my program is. I don't allow my son to come to me and tell me what his mother do, vice versa. Unless somebody's physically harming you. Physically harming you. So even reading a book, I seen it, felt way about it, but I already knew it. Because I asked my son certain things. I don't ask him everything, but I asked him certain things. Like. And I don't ask him like, oh, bro, tell me what the. Nah. How was it? Whatever the case may be, my baby is very vocal when you can get it out of him. But that ain't do nothing. But just when he told me I couldn't be mad at his mom. Tell you why. Because sometimes as parents, we gotta go to work.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

And you expecting or trusting the school, the daycare, the home babysitter, the aunt, the uncle, the whoever to take care of your child. Right. And he failed at that.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

So that would be one of the ones where my son don't ever gotta Be around you again if my son was to see you, especially him right there. Don't speak to him. And my son is that kid of mine. He's his father's child. But it was more so like, nah, I didn't get mad at the mom. She ain't know. It wasn't like she was laying right there like, oh, yeah, that's fine, you know. And I actually just seen a clip. I think it was fake. I don't know everything, so you can't believe nothing. And the nigga come. Sorry. The young man come in the house and his girlfriend in a bed eating Popeyes. But the son is laying next to her and he like, well, hey, you eating Popeyes. What my son eat? He like, he ate rice. And she say, he like, y' all left out at 1:00'.

[Jess Hilarious]

Clock.

[Rome]

I got off at 10. She said, yeah, you fed him rice. But didn't make me, like I said, because the little boy just so happy. Yeah, but it's like that type of shit, even me looking at it, I'm like, I don't. I don't condone violence. I'd have knocked the whole head off.

[Jess Hilarious]

Right, right. And see, I. When I wrote that part in the book, I was. I was afraid to tell you, even in that moment. And even that's why you didn't know. You know what I mean? I wouldn't have taken it to my grade, but I certainly would have if I didn't write it in a book. I don't know how long it would have taken me to tell you, but I didn't. Because you've always held me high up in regards to being a mom. You've always put me on a pedestal. You've always given me my flowers when it comes to, you know, my parental guidance and my parental skills and how I raised your son, you know, and I just didn't want that on my reputation from you. Cause child somebody do something to put your kids in jeopardy, you go crazy. So I was very afraid to tell you that.

[Rome]

Stupid.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

So like, that type of. I ain't crashing out about. Yeah, it's more so on you leave them. Not. Not even then. I wouldn't crash out about that type of situation because if you leave them or man, you cut off, you done.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

Yeah, that's it. Because I know how I move. These women don't play with my kids. If you're around my child, you have to treat them like they're yours. If you don't, you're done.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

And I can't even go back and say that's ever happened. Every woman that's been around my kid, they love my son.

[Jess Hilarious]

That's right.

[Rome]

And the thing about him is he got away with it. And I don't like it, but it's like, all right, son, I understand. Yeah, I ain't. Yeah. I ain't falling like. Yo, I, I appreciate it. I don't, I don't fault you because at the end of the day, like went to work. Yeah. What's that, 20 some hours away from me. I couldn't get him, you know, and

[Jess Hilarious]

I picked him up and took him back to work. Yep. I, we. And it never didn't happen again. And from then on I had, I tried to do.

[Rome]

But that's still not responsibly even at that moment. I know we talking about our past, but it's still not on you because at the end of the day, you was going to work. Yeah. That could have happened in school, that could have happened in daycare. It could have happened anyway. So I don't even want you to beat yourself up about it. I wish you honestly would have told me then.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Right.

[Rome]

So we could have even just talked about it. But I'm not, I'm not. Because like I said, I didn't left him in situate not situations, but environment where wasn't too far in my cleaning. But I had to go class and make some money.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

So. But yeah, no, man. Yeah, yeah. But you got to understand too that dynamic for whoever in the chat. One co parenting ain't easy, man. It ain't parenting.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Co parenting. I'm listening to you guys.

[Rome]

Parenting ain't easy at all. I'm gonna say this. It's what you make it.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah. That's the whole.

[Rome]

The hardest part about it is that child growing up and going through they different stages because now you gotta relearn your child. Now you gotta adjust to your child because we already adults like Ashton right now he's a teenage. Well, yeah, he's 14 and boy. So you gotta. He's a boy, so you gotta maneuver right. You know, now you got. Now Ashton, oh, about to go to high school, got a girlfriend.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah.

[Rome]

Then he's talking to other women, you know, and he cheating on his girlfriend. And guess what? Listen, watch this. And here's where, mind you, he don't tell me that. He tell. He tell my girl that. And here's where dad stepping. I don't want to break him. I don't want to break his. I don't want to break him. And my girl bond. So there's a lot of shit I don't say that she said too, because I want him to tell her everything. If he don't want to tell her.

[Jess Hilarious]

I know the apple don't fall for her, honey, but.

[Rome]

But these are conversations where I just know how to lead the conversation into him telling me. But one thing I say, bro, you're a kid. You can deal with any women you want, but everything else is irrelevant. Especially when that grade point average dropped.

[Jess Hilarious]

Well, I'm gonna have to talk.

[Rome]

No, that's me. Because that's me.

[Jess Hilarious]

Well, you have to tell him he can't cheat on nobody.

[Rome]

Well, how he put it. How he put it to Mariah and grandma is two different ways. So I don't know.

[Jess Hilarious]

He told his grandmother that he cheating on a girl.

[Rome]

He tell Mariah, she's not his girlfriend. She's just his main one. So we. That conversation is going to be had.

[Jess Hilarious]

All right, Lauren, look like we need a part 2 later. It's all good, right?

[Lauren LaRosa]

I know. This is what I'm saying.

[Rome]

I don't condone him doing that. And I'm so serious.

[Jess Hilarious]

I'm so angry.

[Lauren LaRosa]

But I think. I think as dad who's been through it and been in it, it'll get to the point where y' all have that conversation. I think you. You know your child best into how to navigate it. Jess, I understand as a mom and as a woman, right? You instantly, you're like, nope, sit down. You can't do this. You can't do that. But I do think as you're watching young men grow into men, I think it takes a little bit more of, like, a nuance. Like, let's. Let's go through this experience and I can like, right from wrong. You. So, you know, y' all figure that out in between the two of y'. All. But even see y' all dynamic right now, it's like I can almost see, like, how your conversation will go with about that versus Rome's conversation. And it's beautiful to see that he will have both because a lot of people don't have that. And I think people seeing it in real time.

[Rome]

I never had both.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah, he never did. Okay.

[Rome]

But guess what? What? Wrong is wrong. And he gonna cut it out.

[Jess Hilarious]

I love it. I love that. So thank you.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Yup.

[Jess Hilarious]

And you can be the one to teach me that. No problem. I ain't gonna say nothing else, is it? Until later on.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Well, I know we have to wrap the live, but I want to make sure Jess you tell people where they can get the book, what you have happening today, the rest of this week. Rome, thanks for joining us. This is the first interview that Rome has been in.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lauren LaRosa]

I got the exclusive.

[Jess Hilarious]

Yup. But the book is out now, guys. You can get it online. It's in bookstores, but you can get it online if you go to my website. Jessalurisofficial.com or Barnes and Nobles, Simon and Schuster, anywhere you get your books. Amazon, Amazon, Walmart, Target. It's in stores. I'm excited. I couldn't be more happier. Thank you, Lauren, for doing this. Baby girl, I love. I love you so much for moderating and just coming to my aid all the time when I need something. I appreciate you.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Of course, girl. And you told them about the audiobook?

[Jess Hilarious]

Oh, yes. Oh, and I did the audiobook as well. We got a paperback, hardcover, and a digital cd. And we also have the audio book in case you want to hear it. If you always want to move and you don't have time to sit down and read or if you can't read, you can listen, guys. And I can read and I can write. That's why I wrote the book. I need y' all to understand that I just can't read real fast, but I'm reading this book, and it is amazing. All right.

[Lauren LaRosa]

All right, y'. All.

[Jess Hilarious]

Thank you so much. Lauren.

[Lauren LaRosa]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.