Kendra Adachi (9:10)
This episode is sponsored by Prose. With today's technology, impersonal beauty is a thing of the past. I switched to Prose Customized Hair Care a few years ago and I'm never looking back. Instead of guessing what my hair needs, Prose created a formula just for me based on 85 unique factors from millions of possible formulas. Only one is uniquely yours and Prose even adjusts it as your needs change. No more wasted money or trial and error. Just great hair every time. Prose is so confident that you'll love your results that they're offering an exclusive trial offer. 50 off your first hair care subscription order at pros.com lazygenius that's P-R-O-S-E.com lazygenius for your free consultation and 50 off your custom routine. Pros.com lazygenius this episode is sponsored by Ritual. When it comes to wellness products, my first question is always does it actually work? That's why I trust Ritual. They're essential for women. 18 plus multivitamin it has been part of my routine for five years. I store my bottle of Ritual vitamins in the same container that I store my coffee pods. So when I go to make my coffee in the morning, I immediately pull out my vitamins. I can take them on an empty stomach. They taste minty and quite lovely and they have the essentials of what I need. As a woman in her 40s, taking my ritual vitamins every day is such a standard part of my day. I feel weird when I don't take them. Ritual is made with clean traceable ingredients so I know exactly what I'm putting in my body. Plus their subscription means I never run out or have to remember to order. Start a ritual that's backed by science without the BS get 25 off your first month at ritual.com lazygenius that's ritual.com lazygenius for 25% off this episode is sponsored by Earth Breeze. This year I am being more intentional about what and how often we recycle things in our home, including really trying to reduce single use plastics. It's easy to think that small choices in your home won't make a big difference for the environment. But of course around here we value starting small. One thing I'm always throwing in my recycling are those huge laundry detergent bottles. But did you know that 500 million of those bottles end up in landfills and oceans every single year? That's why I made the switch to Earth Breeze laundry sheets. They come in plastic free packaging so they're more eco friendly than traditional detergent. It's an easy way to get clean clothes without all that plastic waste. Get 40% off Earth Breeze when you sign up for auto shipments@earthbreeze.com Genius that's earthbreeze.com Genius. So let's all agree that cleanliness is not a sign of excellence, nor of pretending or of thinking that we're better than other people, right? Let's all agree that messiness is not a match of honor. It's just stuff and dirt. Everyone has different takes on it and that's okay. It's good even. We all need to see this differently. So with that in mind, let's look at these three steps to a clean house. It's these three things in this order. Season Expectations and rhythm. Season expectations and Rhythm. First, you have to name your season of life. Second, you have to adjust your expectations to match that season of life. And third, you begin a rhythm that supports both. Now, we usually do this backwards whenever we're overwhelmed by our home or suddenly get weird about our home being like a certain type of clean. We start with the rhythm, right? With routines even with huge structure, chore charts and dry erase boards and new buckets of cleaning supplies and downloadable PDFs from cleaning experts on Instagram. We start at the end of what I'm teaching today, which is why we don't keep it up. We're starting in the wrong place. You have to take these three steps in this order so that you can approach your home with a kind, helpful, manageable lens. Otherwise you'll just keep starting over in a state of discontentment. And these three steps, they flow into each other pretty quickly here, like, we're not even gonna go through a huge breakdown of each one. Your season of life will absolutely impact your expectations of what a clean house means. And if your expectations remain high, which you're allowed to do, they can stay high, if that matters to you. Then your rhythms, that third part, your rhythms will have to step up their game in order to balance out your season of life. If your expectations are not on par with your season of life, then your rhythms will also not be on par. You'll have to work a little harder. And some people will choose to, and others won't. Both choices are equally valid. The crux here is to identify if you've been holding expectations that are higher than you'd like without realizing it. These three steps clarify a lot of the unease that we feel around a clean house. So which of these three is out of whack? Have you not really named your season? Are you trying to clean your house like you did in a different season of life? Are your expectations way too high for your energy or your margin right now? Is your rhythm just not working for the season of life that you have? All three of these need to be in alignment in order for a clean house, based on whatever definition you're using for clean needs to be in order to be a manageable, realistic part of your life. Okay, let's look at a few scenarios here to kind of flesh this out a bit. If you are in a season of life where you're home with little kids, that season will absolutely inform your expectations of what clean means on a regular basis. Maybe you have lowered your expectations a bit. You know, you don't expect your floors and surfaces to be empty of tiny toys and forgotten sippy cups and various toddler detritus. You're expecting that that's just the way it is, and you expect that day in and day out. In this season. When we expect something to be true, we are less bothered by it. Frustrations come from unmet expectations. So expecting that your toddlers will not leave a million things in their wake, it is going to frustrate you, because they will. Now, if you expect that your kids will leave things on your floors and surfaces all the time, but you want those surfaces to still stay more empty and and clear, then you will have to up your rhythm game big time to match that which you can absolutely do. You will be in a fairly regular state of picking things up and if the clear surfaces mean that much to you, then you can do that. But recognize that you need to match your expectations with the energy that you're willing and able to give. If you don't have the energy, you need to adjust your expectations, not hack your energy or hack your kids behavior. If they're two years old and you're expecting them to behave like they're 12, I've done that before. Expectations here are crucial. Let's say you're in a season of life where your job is demanding and you don't get off work until after dinner most nights. It's probably a lot to expect yourself to then do chores every evening after you've already come home and you've made a late dinner and cleaned that up. And really at this point you just want to like relax and go to bed. So maybe because of your season of life, expecting yourself to do daily chores every evening because you think that's the rhythm you have to do, or maybe that you once did in a different season of life when you had a different job, expecting that is making you overwhelmed and feeling bad about yourself because you're not meeting expectations, your rhythm needs to match your season of life and the expectations you have of your clean home during that season of, of life. It's like, it's like three part harmony. You want the three things to sing together and if one note changes, chances are they all have to change a little bit or there's going to be some dissonance. Before I had kids, my season of life was like, it was rather unencumbered. I was married, I had a house, I had a part time job, I had a community that I had a good amount of free time. My season of life really was nesting in a new house and like figuring out how to be a married adult, like do adult things, paying bills and figuring out what's a. What's property tax. I didn't know that stuff. Now on paper there wasn't a lot hindering my ability to clean my house. And on paper I could have high expectations of what clean meant if I wanted to. And I could have more detailed rhythms to accomplish that because of the time available to me. Now. This season of my life was also before I started therapy. It was before I had some friendships that loved me out of my perfectionistic ways. It was before I started the lazy genius. So even though I did have the margin in my season of life to have higher expectations and more specific detailed rhythms, I still rode that horse way too hard. This story has come up A couple times in various contexts. But the first time that my pal and author slash podcaster Emily P. Freeman came to my house this in this season of Life, she noticed that I had an annual cleaning schedule on my fridge. It was a literal year's worth of cleaning tasks that I would do every single day. Baseboards, blinds, dusting days, vacuuming days, bathroom days, the whole nine. For a whole year, every day had something. There were no rest days. It was chaos. I mean, it was ordered, but it was chaos. I created it after, like, assimilating cleaning articles in Real Simple Magazine and Martha Stewart's magazines. It was a whole thing. So even though I had a season of life that could handle higher expectations and more detailed rhythms, I still went too far. Now, why is that? Why did I go too far? Because maybe not everyone would see it that way. Maybe everyone would not see that yearly schedule is going too far. It wasn't too far if you care a lot about a predictable schedule and you don't want to think, you know, if you have the time and energy to follow through, I guess. And especially if you don't see it as a mark of being a better person. In many ways, that was my deal. I thought that being hyper organized was something I should do. And because it gave me a sense of faux control over my own life, I was highly prepared, highly prepared in everything. But without the balance of noticing and adjusting based on my season of life, like I teach in the plan, I was out of balance. I had wonky expectations, and that meant I had a cleaning schedule on my fridge that I barely followed because it was all or nothing. And once you miss one day of the year, you might as well miss them all. My mindset around this was not healthy. I absolutely saw cleanliness as a badge of honor. I was hiding something. That doesn't mean everyone is, though. So these three steps of naming your season, adjusting your expectations, and then starting a rhythm that supports them. Where there's balance and reason and compassion, that is how you move toward an actual clean house. But your season of life and your expectations will change what clean means to you. You don't need more ways to figure out how to clean everything. I think you need to name what clean is in different rooms. Even when you keep these three things in harmony with each other, you're able to see your home and what cleanliness means to you more clearly. For example, I love, love to vacuum my kitchen floor. I mean, I don't love the vacuuming, but I love for it to be vacuumed. I do. It Most nights after the kitchen is clean and Kaz is usually one who cleans the kitchen, but I go back behind him and I vacuum because it doesn't matter as much to him as it does to me. And that's great. But I will, I will vacuum most nights. And it's because a clean kitchen floor makes so much more than the kitchen floor feel clean to me. The purpose of that cleanliness, it's not about being impressive. It's not about, you know, being able to eat off the floor or some like, arbitrary old school measurement. When my kitchen counters are wiped off and my floor does not have visible crumbs on it, my kitchen, to me, it feels warm and cozy. It feels like I tucked it in for the night. It did good work today and now it's going to go to sleep and it's cozy as PJs and it's going to sleep well until tomorrow. Cleaning is soulful if you let it be. It speaks far beyond germs and orders. But you only get to experience that definition and feeling of clean when you remember that cleanliness and messiness both are not wrapped up in morality or in identity. So in closing up, this is very simple really. You might be like, oh man, I wanted, like chores or hacks or orders of things. You could go find those. But what you need now is a mindset. So as you start thinking about your own home, even in this season of like spring cleaning, whether you choose to participate in it or not. But a lot of us are like, getting the itch maybe to clean some things out. A lot of influencers are showing you orders to do it. You can follow those orders, but remember that your season of life matters and it will automatically impact your expectations of your home. And only then do you consider what rhythms might lead you to a personal level and definition of clean throughout your home that honor both your season and your expectations. Season expectations, rhythm. Don't get those out of order or you'll get big black trash bag energy again and want to burn your house down. We don't want that. And those are the three surprising steps to a clean house. Okay, a quick request if you're up for it. We do not. We do not rely on algorithms or going viral around here without it sounding like we're pressuring you. We actually rely on you guys to share the show. And even books, you know, books of mine that you read or anything at all that has resonated with you, sharing it with your friends and family, that is how we have always grown. And that's how I would like things to remain. Word of mouth is wildly impactful and it lasts way longer than anything else. So thank you for doing that already. So many of you do and it means the world. One tangible way that you can share this podcast in particular is by leaving a five star review on Apple Podcasts. That's the only real podcast app that supports reviews. So even if you use another app to listen, which I do the same, it would mean so much for you to leave a quick review about how this podcast has helped you that shows that social proof you know that the show does help people. We all know how much reviews can matter, that a wave of reviews, it makes us more visible to new listeners who are looking for a show to help them in real ways. We're not a flashy title show where I, you know, promise to change your life with these five steps. I don't think life works like that, to be honest. There's only slow, steady, compassionate movement in a direction that matters to you and that's less flashy than big promises. So any nudge that we can get to be more visible to folks who are looking for a good self help show, it is quite welcome. So if you have 90 seconds to quickly open up your Apple podcast app, you search the Lazy Genius podcast and then click write a review, that would be so lovely and so appreciated. Thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, before we go, let's celebrate the Lazy Genius of the week. This week it's Mary B. Mary writes, I have a hard time remembering to replace and wash hand towels in my bathrooms. And they used to go weeks before I would replace them with a clean one. Eek. Now I have two for each bathroom. And each week when I fold my towel laundry, I just replace the dirty one with the clean one and I put the dirty one in the laundry room. It seems simple, but now my hand towels are getting replaced weekly. Listen, this. This is what I'm talking about in this whole episode, okay? This is the kind of thing that is so important for us all to hear. We are believing a lie if we think that we're supposed to just automatically have rhythms for every single thing and everything is going to be like peak clean at all times, okay? We're also believing a lie if we think we're the only person who struggles with things that feel simple, especially in regards to our home. I didn't read Mary's whole message to you, but the beginning is apologetic in that direction. She's like, this seems so simple for something that doesn't seem that hard to do, y'all. We all have those things. Probably so many. So anytime that you feel like that little high five for yourself and figuring out a small doable approach for something that matters to you, it is absolutely worthwhile high five yourself. Also notice the practical point of Mary's idea. It's kind of like she's habit stacking. She already folds her laundry load of towels. So by adding one tiny towel related task to one that already exists, it's easier to remember and it's much more doable. So well done. Thank you for sharing, Mary, and congratulations on being the Lazy Genius of the Week. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week. 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