Transcript
Kendra Adachi (0:00)
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Catherine Wooten (1:03)
You know that moment when someone asks.
Kendra Adachi (1:04)
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Catherine Wooten (2:00)
Days hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 413, office hours. So office hours episodes, we do those about once a quarter and you guys send in your questions, your challenges, your problems, and then I try and offer you a Lazy Genius solution. Katherine Wooten left this comment on the Instagram post about office hours and her thoughts are what I hope you experience too when you listen Katherine says this I love when you post the call for lazy genius questions, largely because I start thinking about what my current problems or issues are and end up answering my own questions just by actually phrasing what's stressing me into a question and thinking about it. So how do I lazy genius what to make for dinner on the nights when my husband is home late from work? Well, have you thought about making a meal matrix that's easy to reheat meals or decide once on a cold dinner like sandwiches? How do I lazy genius getting my kids to stop taking the cushions off the couch when they don't care about the house rules? Maybe live in the season of little kids needing to make couch cushion forts or try a smaller house rule or cushions back on the couch before dinner? I also like reading through other people's questions as it reminds me that other people are experiencing the same chaos as me. Okay, a couple of notes here. First, you do not necessarily need me or anyone else to solve your problems. Asking the question might just do the trick because you are smart and you know your life better than anyone does. Now, that's not to say we don't all need help and ideas sometimes, but don't start out assuming that you can't lazy genius something in your life. Just asking the question might spark a little help. The second thing is hearing what other people are experiencing. It is wildly helpful in contextualizing our own lives. You might think you're the only one dealing with something and then you read a comment or hear a question on the episode and you realize you are definitely not alone. A quick story so a couple of weeks ago I went to D.C. to speak to a group called Senate Moms. It is a bipartisan group in dc. It's moms who are either Senators or who work for senators. Well, they invited me to speak to their group with a view of the Washington Monument. Like it was this beautiful room. It's one of the coolest things I've ever gotten to do. But something surprised me that honestly shouldn't have surprised me. So I spoke for a few minutes and then we did a Q and A. I do Q and as often at speaking events, especially where the group is small enough to take questions. It's one of my favorite things to do. If you've ever been to one of my events and you've experienced a Q and A, you already know how much I love it, but also like how Valuable it is to the whole room that we're just talking about what we're dealing with. Well, I definitely was a little skeptical about whether or not I could help these women. They work at a breakneck speed. You know, they're brilliant, super capable people. I do not understand their jobs at all. One of y'all, one of Cory Booker's speaker speech writers, was in the room at this meeting just hours off after he had gotten off the Senate floor in that record breaking filibuster. She was like, yeah, it's been a. It's been a really, it's been a really busy week. It's like, it was crazy anyway, so I was a little bit like, what am I, what help am I going to give these moms? I should not have been surprised by what happened. The Q and A with these women. It looked exactly like every other Q and A that I've ever done. Like, for real. Senate moms were struggling to prioritize time with their kids. They were stressed out about life's little details. They were struggling with guilt. They were wondering how they were going to fit it all in. There were tears and permission and solidarity, just like every other Q and A that I've ever done. Let this be a reminder to us all, you are never alone in what you're going through. You're never alone. No problem is too small to matter. No problem is too big to not be able to face it somehow. Everyone is going through stuff, but everyone also has the capacity to invite compassion into those places. Whether you're home with tiny kids, taking care of your sick dad, trying to find purpose in your dead end job, or you're writing legislation on the Hill. So with that in mind, let's jump into today's questions. As always, I'm going to put the parenting, like kids specific questions on the back half so that if you're not a parent and you are limited on time, you can just stop listening if you'd like. Once we start those. Now, as is true with most of what I do here, I think that we can learn from each other's experiences. Even when they're different. Maybe especially when they're different. But I also get that you sometimes only have 10 minutes to listen. So let's make those 10 minutes meaty for you. All right, our first question comes from Melissa Marie, who writes, it seems like the world moves so fast. I try to prioritize myself and rest, but I still feel like I have a cycle of feeling burnout. How can I, lazy genius say no to more to leave more margin for myself and the things I care about. How relatable is this question, you guys? Right. So I have two thoughts. First, on a practical level, metabolizing your stress every day is essential to avoiding burnout. Many of you have read the book Burnout by the Nagoski sisters. And it's excellent. It's excellent. If you struggle with burnout and you have not read that book, it is your manual for sure. Truly, truly excellent. And the biggest takeaway for me from that book was that I have to release my stress. I have to do something every single day that metabolizes the stress my body and day will naturally build up. Now, I'm paraphrasing here, but in the book they basically say that we often pay attention to the stressors rather than the stress. We try and manage the stressors, the things that cause stress like kids and jobs and relationships and chores and all the things, but we don't actually deal with the stress itself that comes from moving, from creating, from laughing or connecting with others. Very doable, small human things. So that's the first thing. Tend to the stress more than the stressors and read Burnout if you would like more specifics. So the second thing has to do with what matters. No matter what matters, it will come at a cost. If you say that ambition and success at your job matters the most, even when it's to provide for your family that you love, that priority comes at a cost to other things. In this case, maybe it's your time, your energy, or your contentedness. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's a trade off that exists no matter what. Kaz and I have chosen that we want our lives to be small, contented, and full of connection with our city and our people. We do not have professional ambitions. We don't try and make money at any cost. In my work, I say no to things all the time, even very lucrative things, because they would take me away from the priorities that I've chosen. Even priorities to stay small come at a cost. Every single thing that matters to you comes at the cost of something that matters less. And the sooner you expect and accept that trade off, the more ease you will have in letting things that matter less go. Melissa said that the world moves so fast. It really does. If you want to prioritize moving at a different speed than the world, it comes at a cost. Everything does. So choose what cost is worth it. I think that naming that is the first step in finding more ease in letting go. So I know that's not super super like particular and specific, but I hope that that mindset helps all of you. Especially you, Melissa, who wrote in okay, our next question comes from Becky Fowler, who writes Lazy Genius Evenings I'm trying to spend time and connect with my husband after our son goes to bed, but I'm also wanting to use that time for hobbies or tasks that need fun. Connection is important, but sitting in front of the TV seems like a waste of time, which is my husband's go to after dinner. Okay, the first thing I would encourage you to do is listen to episode 332, how to Enjoy your evening hours. We did a whole episode on this because of how real this challenge is, but specifically to your comment, Becky, particularly the mentions of TV and hobbies. This sounds a lot like me and my husband. His favorite thing to do after everyone is like mostly settled is to lie as flat as possible the couch and watch something that makes him laugh or watch sports. Like that's low key. His hobby. Honestly. Now mine can be that sometimes, but it's not sustainable is the only thing. So we do not treat every single night the same that is part of episode 332 that there are evenings where he's watching something and I'm sitting at the coffee table next to him painting. Or I might put in earbuds with white noise and I read while he watches tv, but I'm next to him like we're silent, contented companions together, even though we're technically doing different things. So to Becky and anyone else struggling with this, go listen to episode 332 if you would like more help.