The Lazy Genius Podcast

Bonus: A New Year Pep Talk with Gretchen Rubin

Date: January 8, 2026
Host: Kendra Adachi (“The Lazy Genius”)
Guest: Gretchen Rubin

Episode Overview

This bonus episode welcomes writer and habits/research expert Gretchen Rubin for a compassionate and energizing conversation about the pressures and promises of the New Year “fresh start.” Together, Kendra and Gretchen unravel the tension between improvement and perfectionism, discuss the role of letting go to make space for what matters most, reflect on the emotional journey of self-acceptance, and offer permission to take an honest, gentle approach to change. The dialogue is filled with warmth, humor, and practical wisdom for anyone feeling overwhelmed by new beginnings, especially in January.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Difference Between “Better” and “Perfect”

Timestamps: 04:41–08:53

• Kendra kicks off by challenging the conflation of “better” and “perfect,” advocating for progress over perfection and living in the present season.
• Gretchen references Voltaire:

  “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. That’s definitely my approach…Don’t make yourself bonkers striving for perfection.” (05:30)

• Perfectionism isn’t about high standards but about anxiety. Sometimes, starting early helps Gretchen manage anxiety and regain a sense of control.
• The concept of being “underway”—simply getting started without fixating on outcome—brings relief and movement.

2. Embracing Trade-offs & Letting Go

Timestamps: 08:53–14:52

• Both hosts share how prioritizing what matters inevitably means releasing other obligations—even if that brings a sense of grief or loss.
• Gretchen:

  “You have time for the things that are important to you, but that means letting go of things that aren’t important… It’s enormously freeing.” (09:22)

• The hosts reflect on feeling permission to admit dislikes (e.g., Gretchen doesn’t cook, Kendra doesn’t garden or love the outdoors) and the relief that comes with self-acceptance.
• Kendra:

  “There’s a grief in that… you can be sad and you can wish that as a part of you, but if you hold onto that without processing the grief, without accepting that, it’s just going to cause resentment.” (13:08)

3. Navigating New Year Energy & the Clean Slate Myth

Timestamps: 16:32–22:39

• The allure of the “clean slate” is real—research confirms people often begin meaningful change with a “fresh start.”
• Gretchen:

  “Two things that are opposite are both true… There is something about culturally having a time where everyone stops and asks, ‘what do you want from the year?’” (16:59)

• They caution against unsustainable expectations and urge listeners to focus on one meaningful change rather than an overhaul.

4. Rediscovering Yourself and What You Love

Timestamps: 22:39–29:49

• The conversation centers on identity loss, especially among caregivers, and on reclaiming personal interests.
• Gretchen shares a haunting anecdote about a woman who only realized after their conversation that she doesn’t actually enjoy skiing—even though it had become a family ritual.

  “To kid yourself, to lose track of what you truly like to do…She had lost touch with that.” (25:47)

• Actionable advice: Make a “won’t do” list to clarify what you intentionally let go of and create mental space for what matters.

5. Making Change Sustainable—Setting Expectations with Others

Timestamps: 28:29–31:21

• When adding something new (a hobby, self-care, etc.), expect resistance or discomfort within families or routines—and give everyone time to adjust.
• Gretchen:

  “Other people adjust. Give them time. Don’t wait for permission or for them to be enthusiastic. Do it for yourself.” (28:29)

• Self-restoration isn’t selfish—it allows you to show up as a better version of yourself.

6. Habit Formation and the Four Tendencies

Timestamps: 35:45–45:01

• Gretchen introduces her “Four Tendencies” framework (upholders, questioners, obligers, rebels) for understanding how people respond to expectations—outer and inner.
• Kendra:

  “I called myself a professional permission giver…it’s really just being like, hey, you don’t have to do that. If it doesn’t matter to you, don’t do it just because everybody told you to.” (41:54)

• The importance of understanding your own tendency—and those around you—to set up the right kind of support and accountability.

7. Daily Rhythms, Rituals, and Flourishing

Timestamps: 46:35–56:26

• Both hosts share sustaining daily habits:
  • Gretchen protects her early morning writing, daily walks, time at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and a daily War and Peace chapter read with her family. She also embraces napping after researching its benefits.
  • Kendra makes sure to read (from a physical book), takes daily naps, enjoys her lunch deliberately, and schedules rest (e.g., a day off on Fridays for herself).
• They encourage listeners to find small daily anchors that create meaning, even if local “treasures” aren’t obvious.
  Gretchen:

  “There’s a lot of interest in doing something every day because of the subtle changes…it penetrates more deeply.” (52:36)
  Kendra:
  “You can be just as intentional about your front stoop as you are going to the Met.” (52:07)

8. Permission, Pivoting & Kindness as the Year Begins

Timestamps: 44:32–46:35, 55:57–end

• Kendra champions “learning to pivot” as a more valuable skill than simply learning to plan, highlighting flexibility in the face of disruptions.
• Both close with a single, clear recommendation:
  Gretchen:

  “Get enough sleep. If you get enough sleep, everything—I would start there.” (56:26) Kendra:
  “Ditto. I think that is correct.” (56:32)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On avoiding perfectionism:
  “Don’t make yourself bonkers striving for perfection.”
  — Gretchen Rubin [05:45]

• On permission to let go:
  “Everything cannot matter to everybody. You just cannot survive believing that everything can matter.”
  — Kendra Adachi [11:05]

• On self-acceptance:
  “We want to accept ourselves and also expect more from ourselves. And that’s a really hard line…”
  — Gretchen Rubin [13:57]

• On grief and releasing identities:
  “There’s a grief in that…you can be sad and you can wish that as a part of you, but if you hold onto that without processing the grief…it’s just going to cause resentment.”
  — Kendra Adachi [13:08]

• On resistance from others:
  “Don’t wait for other people to give you permission. Suggest that you should do it. Be enthusiastic. Do it for yourself.”
  — Gretchen Rubin [29:49]

• On pivoting over planning:
  “It is more valuable to learn to pivot over learning to plan. Because life requires so many pivots.”
  — Kendra Adachi [44:37]

• On starting with sleep:
  “Get enough sleep. If you get enough sleep, everything—I would start there.”
  — Gretchen Rubin [56:26]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Difference between better & perfect: 04:41–08:53
• Letting go, trade-offs, permission: 08:53–14:52
• Clean slate & fresh start discussion: 16:32–22:39
• Identity loss, reclaiming yourself: 22:39–29:49
• Getting others to adjust to change: 28:29–31:21
• The Four Tendencies explained: 35:45–45:01
• Daily rituals & habits: 46:35–56:26
• Key advice for January/new year: 56:26– (end)

Takeaways for Listeners

• Progress trumps perfection. Reflect kindly on what you actually need versus what you think you “should” do.
• Grant yourself permission to let go of things that no longer matter or fit your current season—even if that brings sadness.
• Acknowledge and process grief in letting go of identities or pursuits that are not authentic to you now.
• Give yourself and your loved ones time to adjust to new boundaries, routines, or self-care practices.
• Use frameworks (like the Four Tendencies) to personalize your approach to habits and self-improvement.
• Anchor yourself with small daily or weekly rituals, even if they seem ordinary. Meaning is everywhere.
• In moments of overwhelm, return to basics: rest, sleep, and honest, gentle self-reflection.

Final Message:

“Be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don’t.”
— Kendra Adachi

This episode delivers heartfelt, practical encouragement for anyone feeling pressured by the New Year energy. Gretchen Rubin and Kendra Adachi blend wisdom and permission in a conversation that helps listeners breathe deeper, make conscious trade-offs, and move into their season with clarity and kindness.