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Ben is obsessed with the blueberry pancakes. Head to your local grocery store to fuel your morning with Eggo Protein waffles and pancakes. Available at retailers nationwide. Hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi. This podcast isn't about hacking the system to find more time or hacking your energy to get more done. Hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting and unsustainable. So Here we do things differently on this podcast. We value contentment, compassion and and living in our season. We favor small steps over big systems. Here we are, lazy geniuses, being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I am so glad you're here. Today is episode 441, what to do When Everything is a Little Annoying. So I feel like my personal levels of annoyance are at an all time high these days. Part of that is that I have been sick for what feels like a month, so my storehouse of patience is she's starting to wear thin. Other things like, you know, busyness and the news, a hard season of life, hormones, children. There are a million things that can contribute to us all. Feeling like low key, irritated kind of all the time. We're fine. But like, are we? Sometimes I feel like it'll take just one sassy comment or one missed homework assignment or one line at the store that's longer than I expected before. I just kind of lose it now. Sometimes life is like that and it's normal and okay. But most of us don't want to stay there for very long. You know, we don't want to be at the beck and call of our annoyance that also might flit quickly into anger. We don't want to be keyed up or tightly wound or on the verge of having a mini come apart in the carpal line. We want to be calmer and kinder and more at peace with whatever annoying circumstances or people cross our path without it knocking us off the path altogether. So today I'm gonna share with you 5 things to remember and 5 things to do when everything is a little annoying. You don't have to remember or do all of them. It's just a collection of reminders and ideas that might help add that calmness and ease. After that, we'll have a little extra something where I share our Halloween plans, particularly our costumes and our candy strategy. This is important stuff, you guys. Then we're gonna celebrate the lazy genius of the week with a great post it note to do list strategy. And we'll end with a mini pep talk for when you're starting to feel numb. Now, before we get into all that, I have a very exciting announcement. Okay, so you guys know about the playbooks, of course. They are fantastic little notebooks broken into three month seasons that help you plan your life based on what matters to you right now. They don't necessarily replace your planner, although they have mine and they so they could, but they are perfect Companions to whatever planning tools you have to help you see your season, to triage your essential tasks and actually do what matters to you. There are places to write down what you're gonna decide once about what your seasonal ceremonies might be, even organized to do lists week to week throughout those three months. The seasonal playbooks are just fantastic. And since the winter Playbook runs from December to February, now is a great time to go ahead and order your winter playbook before December starts so you have it in time. But you guys, that is not. That's not the exciting news. I'm just telling you what you already know. Many of you use the playbooks, but you ask things like, hey, could you have a section in the playbooks for trips? Or could you have some pages for like planning like events and parties and stuff? Or could there be a space where I can plan out a project that I'm working on? I would get those suggestions and I would have to play it coy and be like, oh that's such a great idea. All the while knowing that we have been working on four brand new playbooks for months now and they are now ready for you. Today we are launching four brand new playbooks that are single purpose notebooks based on four areas of your life that you often ask for help in travel projects, celebrations and yearbook. So here's a quick rundown of what's inside them. So the travel playbook is a gorgeous green with adorable illustrations of like passports and suitcases and an old VW bus on the inside. It's so cute. So there's a travel list in the front where you can keep track of like all your bucket list places that you want to go and then a place in the back where you can list out things that you like often forget to pack. You know that fun ways to answer the magic question right for your travel. But the bulk of that travel playbook, it is space for you to brainstorm and plan up to five trips. You can plot out ideas for them. You can keep track of details that you might forget. Now obviously a lot of folks use all kinds of like online services and mapping apps to manage trips. And you, you still will. But for me I also just wanna like jot down ideas before heading into the abyss of the Internet. Like I wanna remember why my trip matters. Like what everyone's top priority is so that we can make sure that we hit what matters to every single person going even write down some of those to do's so they don't get forgotten in the rhythms of everyday life. That is what your travel playbook is for. So the celebrations playbook, that's the second one. It is bright pink. It's got cake and disco balls on the inside cover. Is so fun. It has a similar list in the front as the travel playbook with, like, ideal celebrations that you're hoping for. So some things you might write are obvious, like birthdays, but you can also write down things that are less obvious, like celebrating finishing grad school or hosting a movie marathon party, or throwing a gathering for your friends just to celebrate each other. Someone recently asked, like, how do you make space for actually planning out these things? I'll have these ideas, but then I don't know what to do with them. This is the purpose of this celebrations playbook. So there's planning space for six celebrations. You can name the purpose of that celebration, what matters about it, what details you even want to remember. At the end of each one, you can even write down, like, reflections. After that celebration is over, there's space you can paste in a photo if you want to. And then in the back of the celebrations playbook is a space to keep track of recipes that worked, activities and traditions that worked, and then a few blank pages for your own list, too. It's like your own little party slash holiday handbook. Then there's the projects playbook. It is orange because orange gets stuff done. So this playbook takes a lot of its organization from the chapter how to plan a project in my book, the plan, so you have space to answer questions to help you know if this project is actually worth doing. Then there is space to, you know, set deadlines and priorities. Plenty more space to actually break down the project into its, like, decisions and its tasks. You can fit five projects in the projects playbook, and it is great for things like a renovation, setting up a will or trust, helping your kid figure out where they're gonna go to college, getting all the holiday gifts. Like, this is the playbook for those things that are just like, too big and unwieldy for a planner or a post it note, but they still, like, you need to get it done right. And then finally, the yearbook playbook is kind of my personal favorite, just because I think every grownup needs their own yearbook. So this one is like the prettiest bright blue. It's kind of like a collegiate. And the whole point of this one is to create space for you to reflect on and remember what your life is like right now and the joy and fun that it has. So it's like your personal compilation of what matters most you'll answer what is true of you right now. You can list your favorite things. There's a place for like your Someday list, which is my version of a bucket list that I talk about in the plan. It's a place to capture things you want to remember from this year. It is so tender. It is so fun. I love it so much. I love them all so much. They look great. They are perfectly Lazy Genius in helping you focus on what what actually matters and let go of what does not. And they can be great companions to your seasonal playbooks as you continue to have a life that matters to you. So you can find all the details about the four new playbooks as well as order your winter Playbook if you're up to it@the lazygeniuscollective.com playbooks and if you already planned on getting the entire seasonal bundle of all four seasons. And you also have an eye on like multiple new playbooks, all eight. You can buy all eight packaged together at a discounted price. But still, all of them are extremely affordable individually anyway. Like you can totally just get a winter and like a yearbook to get you ready for 2026 and not use another playbook ever. Like they're very, very affordable individually. So that was a big overview. Thank you for listening and really for supporting not just our small business with your purchase, but also another Our partner in design, printing and fulfillment for these playbooks is an amazing small business out of Asheville, North Carolina called Otter Pine. They, like the Lazy Genius Collective, are woman owned, mission driven and full of integrity and a dedication to excellence. We love working with them and both of our businesses are extremely grateful, extremely grateful for your support of us. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, let's take an ad break, which makes this episode free for you to listen to. So thank you sponsors. And then we're going to get into what to do with when everything is a little annoying. This episode is sponsored by Kanopy Skincare. Experts and dermatologists have long said that indoor humidity is the secret to healthy, glowing skin. And a not so fun fact. Dry air can start wreaking havoc on your skin in as little as 30 minutes. That's why canopy exists. Canopy is a completely reimagined humidifier that helps your skin stay hydrated, your sinuses stay clear, and your space feel more breathable. It uses paper filters and no mist so there's no mold, no musty smell, and no puddle on your nightstand. Just clean, hydrated air. It's dermatologist Recommended. Super easy to clean and actually looks good in your bedroom or nursery or office, not like a plastic spaceship. Go to Getcanopy co to save $25 on your Canopy humidifier. Purchase today today with Canopy's filter subscription and look for other canopy products such as the Canopy Bath and Shower Filter. Even better, use code Lazy at checkout to save an additional 10% off your canopy purchase. Your skin will thank you. This episode is sponsored by Skylight. If your family schedule is already a game of Calendar Jenga, Skylight Calendar might just be the thing that keeps it all from toppling over. Skylight is a beautiful, smart digital display that lives wherever you want it to, syncing with all your calendars, Google, Apple, Outlook, everything. Each person gets a color and everything shows up in one place. It even has a magic import feature that scans flyers and paper calendars, which feels like actual magic. And the Chores tile works like a digital daily sheet for my kids to see what household items are their responsibility each day. Your happiness is Skylight's happiness. So if in 120 days you're not 100 thrilled with your purchase, you can return it for a full refund, no questions asked. Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to myskylight.com Genius Go to myskylight.com Genius for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. That is my S K-Y-L-I G H T.com Genius okay, let's talk about what to do when everything is a little annoying. So being annoyed, I mean listen, that's not the worst thing in the world. But I think most of you listening would not mind the frequency going down a bit. But maybe you're just like a naturally annoyed person. Some of us are like that. I'm kind of like, so if you, if you can't really control the frequency, if you're like, this is my lot in life, maybe you would like to not stay annoyed for as long as you normally do. You know, maybe for you it's like the duration. So even if you're gonna feel it, which is expected, you would like a path to move out of it kindly and quickly if possible. Because for some of us, annoyance left unchecked or untended, it leads to things like anger, resentment, blame, a host of other things that can impact our energy and our relationships. If my annoyance turns to anger, I definitely like, I don't want to start yelling at my people because of something silly. You know, I don't want that to happen. I Don't want it to escalate like that. Obviously it does happen. But I would like to happen. I would like it to happen less, right? And have some tools that help it not last as long. As I think of annoyance, kind of like a mosquito bite. Like if you scratch the annoyance, if you irritate it further by either like yelling or escalating or letting the next annoying thing pile onto the first, the itch gets worse, right? The irritation gets worse. So instead of stimulating the irritation, we need to soothe it. Just like you do with a mosquito bite. You don't scratch it, you soothe it. So I want to share five things to remember and then five things to do when everything is a little annoying that can help soothe that irritation. You don't have to remember all 10 of these things. Just listen for like even one that feels like it would help you when you feel annoyed. Especially in whatever season of life that you are in. So let's start with the five things to just simply remember number one. Remember that annoyance is in the eye of the beholder. I said this in the episode about parenting when your kids are annoying. Kids are not inherently annoying. People are not inherently annoying. That is not a person's identity. In fact, you might be in the same situation as another person. Like a long line at the store and you are annoyed and the person in front of you is not, or vice versa. Annoyance is in the eye of the beholder. It's really about your own engagement with whatever is disrupting your peace or your plans. So genuinely, when you are annoyed, I'm just encouraging you to remember that the operative approach here is that you are annoyed, not that the person or circumstance is annoying. When you center your own response to the situation, I think it might help you have more kindness towards that person or more serenity about the situation. You are currently annoyed. They are not annoying. You can see this difference majorly in our house when it comes to homework. So I get so easily annoyed by kids complaining about homework or procrastinating on their homework or whining through the entire process of doing their homework. It's like the frequency of my body is directly tuned to the frequency of their resistance to homework. And I just get so tightly wound about it. Like my voice gets faster and higher, my body moves faster. Like I'm clearly, clearly annoyed. And I'm like, homework is annoying. Or my kids response to this homework is annoying. Really, I'm just the one who is annoyed. It's very normal. Their response is actually very normal. And then Kaz, my husband he's not annoyed at all. We're literally standing next to each other looking at a kid who is, to me being completely illogical about their two hours of AP math homework. And Kaz is over here, calm and easy, and even sits there to help field homework questions. For this kid, it's like the same situation, but our responses are completely different. The annoyance is originating with me, not the situation. If it was about the situation, Kaz would also be just as annoyed as I am. So I just find that to be like a genuinely helpful thing to remember. People and situations are not inherently annoying. The level of annoyance actually comes from me. It weirdly puts things in perspective and it starts to calm me down. So that's the first thing to remember. The second thing that you might wanna remember, annoyance is usually cumulative. Imagine that you have started the day and nothing has made you annoyed, right? Everything is moving like fairly smoothly. You slept, your personal storehouses are full. You're just like happy to be living life. Everything's fine. Okay then let's say a kid spills a cup of milk in the kitchen or a co worker is late getting you their part of a project before you can start on yours. If you've had a fairly like, unannoying day so far, those circumstances, they might not set off much annoyance in you. Like you're probably not going to explode over the spilled milk, or you're going to give your co worker like passive aggressive dressing down. You'll have more patience and kindness available to you because you haven't gotten bit by the mosquito yet. You know what I mean? But let's say the milk happens after you realize you're out of coffee. And after one of your other kids got on the bus without their lunch. And after you found a zit on your face even though you're 38 years old. The milk spill might require a few more deep breaths from you to not get all out of sorts about it. Or maybe you do get out of sorts because you have already had an accumulation of annoyed responses to a series of of things. Same is true of the co worker who's late with a task. If you sat through a useless meeting to start your workday and then you found out the staff room coffee pot was out of coffee and nobody brewed another one. And then your coworker said they didn't have their part of the project yet. I mean, you can picture it. You might even be able to feel it like in your body. At the bare minimum, you're letting out a very deep sigh that Coworker is going to know you're annoyed, even if you try and be diplomatic about it, because you've already had a series of things that made you a little bit annoyed. And when you have a series of slight annoyances build up without metabolizing them, without getting them out of your body, we just get more and more annoyed. Annoyance is cumulative. Now, the reason this reminder is helpful is it's two things. It helps you sense your big black trash bag energy. Like, if you have an accumulation of annoyances and then you start to solve really big problems with really big, strong solutions, you can look back and go, like, oh, no, wait, this is an accumulation of annoyances. This isn't actually a big problem that I need to try to solve right now. We don't want to do that anyway. But you can see that better right now. The other thing it helps you do is it just puts your level of annoyance, like, into perspective. Right? You can just ask yourself, like, have I had a series of things that have made me annoyed? You know, like, are you annoyed by this rather benign thing that would not have bothered you yesterday at all? Right. If you're a person who likes to understand your patterns of behavior, recognizing the accumulation of annoyance might be a really helpful tool for you. It's a line of dominoes, y'. All. They start falling real fast after that first one. Tips. And there's kindness in that knowledge. It helps you be more compassionate towards yourself and towards whatever is actually happening around you. You can go like, oh, it's not the thing itself. It's my response to the thing or to the accumulation of the things. So that is number two. Annoyance is cumulative. Number three, you can remember that you can be annoyed without being mean. For me, y', all, that line is, like, kind of razor thin. If you're an enneagram person, I'm a one, which means I'm in the anger triad. I don't really feel shame that much. I don't fear very many things. Like, those are the things that primarily exist in the other two enneagram triads. For me, it's anger. For some of you listening, whether you care about the enneagram or not, you have a direct line to anger. So you're likely to get annoyed and more quickly move to anger than other people. Now, being angry does not equal being mean. Sometimes we need to get angry. There is nothing wrong with anger. But again, the line can get muddy where we feel annoyed and then maybe escalate quickly to anger, which can turn mean really quickly. You can be Annoyed. I can be annoyed without being mean. Remember that you can experience annoyance at something silly or benign or even something that does kind of matter. You can even express that you are irritated by that situation without being mean to the other person about it. The other day, I was home with two of my three kids. It was coming up on dinner time. We were all a little tired. I was still a little sick. And so I was like, hey, what do y' all want for dinner? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go get takeout. What do you guys want? Let's. Let's pick something up. Well, the two kids who are home with me, they chose fast food because, of course. And they chose a restaurant I don't love, because, frankly, I don't love a whole lot of fast food, except for Arby's, because that roast beef sandwich is delicious. But I also was like, I was great getting a burger from this place. It was no big deal. Plus, this place has a particular dessert that I love I haven't had in years, which would make this dinner work for me, you know? It was gonna be fine. It was gonna be fine. So I order our food in the app. I go to the drive through to get the food. The guy at the window tells me that the food is not ready yet and to pull up a little. I do that with a smile on my face. No big deal. Waiting is fine. It often happens at places. No big deal. Twenty minutes later, I am still sitting there with no food. Now, as those 20 minutes tick by, I'm actively trying to not be annoyed. Like, I know that things happen, like, out of my control, right? It's also 20 minutes. Like, it's fine. But I'm also thinking, hmm, I bet they made my special dessert when the other order, like, when the rest of the order came through. And now that special dessert has been sitting there for 20 minutes, melting. So the day the guy comes out with the bag of food and a tray of special desserts, because my kids had never had one of these special desserts before. And the special desserts are for sure melted, for sure. I say to him, hey, it looks like these melted while the rest of the food was being made, so can I get new ones, please? And he said, well, the machine has to be. It had to be reset. You got the last one, so it'll be like another five or ten minutes. And I definitely deep side, because, of course, like, I can feel it now. The accumulation was happening, right? So I took the food, and I was like, I know it's not your fault. I know it's not your fault, but I really wish these weren't melted. And he said, I'm sorry, ma'. Am. You can definitely wait. He was, like, kind. Enough about it. It was great. Now I decided to not wait because I had been gone for a long time already, and I just needed to. I just wanted to leave. So I pulled ahead to leave, but then I was like, let me check the bag of food. I didn't check the food. And an order of fries was missing. Now, I don't know if you've ever ordered fast food for children before, but fry math is essential. Like, there are no missing of fries. You don't show up at home with fewer fries than anticipated. So I definitely felt the annoyance level rising because I had already waited for a long time and I still had the wrong food. But I also did not want to be mean. You can be annoyed. I can be annoyed without being mean. So I pulled back into the parking lot. I took a deep breath before I did, because I actively was like, I don't want to be mean here. It's okay for me to be annoyed and to get what I need, but I don't want to be. I don't have to be mean to make that happened. I'm just like, be kind, be kind. You don't know the whole story here. So I walk in and the manager is there. The manager's behavior was definitely impacting the whole room. She did not seem very happy to be there or happy to, you know, help the people that were waiting for food. But that's not for me to change, right? I'm still going to be aware of my own behavior. And so I was like. I was truthful, but I was also kind. I was like, hi, I just came through the drive through with an online order. I'm missing an order of fries. I wasn't mean because being mean is not a value that I hold. I don't wanna be mean. Now I can be annoyed, and I can even be angry without being mean, without degrading another person or shaming them or blaming them. So I waited for the fries for a little while. And while I did, the guy who brought me my food outside, you know, and told me about the special dessert machine. He walked up and I was like, he, hey, I ended up having to wait for some missing fries for my order. Can you check the machine again and see if I can get fresh special desserts? Again, not mean. Now, he knew that at this point, I had been there for 30 minutes. Like, the annoyance was real, that I didn't have to be mean to him and asking for what I wanted and what I think was also perfectly within my right to ask for. I share that story because it is a common one, right? We're out in the world, we expect a certain level of, like, attention or speed or service or something, wherever we are, and we don't get it. And we get it. Annoyed. That annoyance almost certainly accumulates because usually a tough customer service situation, it doesn't have just one element to it. And that accumulation builds up very quickly. But we can still be in that place without being mean. And I think reminding ourselves of that is another pathway to kindness and calm. You don't have to be mean. You don't have to ignore or swallow the frustration. You can kindly share the frustration. You can acknowledge the irritating circumstances without assigning blame to a specific person. And all of that can happen both within you and outside of you without being mean. I just think that's really good to remember. I know it is. For me, that's why I was like, be kind, be kind, be kind. Meanness here doesn't help. And it's also not a value I want to hold. It's not who I want to be in the world. And I don't think it is how you want to be in the world either. Okay? So that's number three. Number four, remember that you have a say here. Just like that story I just told, you have a say in how you're going to respond to being annoyed. Now, sometimes you need a minute to breathe and access some softness so that you're not mean, or so that you don't say or do something that will require repair. But you do have a say in how you are going to respond. Other people do not force our hand when it comes to our behavior. Now, the caveat here, which I think is obvious but also needs to be said, is that there are obviously, like, abuses and traumas and mental illnesses. There are things that are much more complicated about the sentence I just said, like, I very much own that, that other people don't force our hand in those situations. That's a different conversation. What we're talking about today is things that are just annoying, right? They're not abuses. They're not anything deeply tied to our mental health. We're just annoyed. And that the cashier's taking so long, or that the person waiting for their prescription is obviously huffing and puffing about having to wait, even though everyone in line is having to wait. And clearly they're short staffed back there. You know, like, these are the things that we do have a say in. We have agency in how we choose to respond because it is a choice. Hopefully this list of reminders and in a minute, the things that we can do to help us recognize that choice, they help us slow down enough to remove ourselves from the emotional response of the situation and instead make like an aware behavioral choice. Because again, I know that you guys listening, you're a group that wants to be kind in the world. Like, that's so beautiful. It's so beautiful and necessary and impactful. And we're also human beings that need tools to help us do that, right? So that's number four. Remember, you have a say. And then the fifth thing to remember is that this is manageable. This is manageable. Sometimes annoyance grows exponentially until we're making, like, broad generalizations about a person or a situation. We might say things like, you always do this, or, I'm not dealing with this anymore, or this happens every time. Like, we remove ourselves from any responsibility or any offering of support. When we start to think that the circumstance itself is too annoying for us to even deal with, we just, like, walk out sometimes literally. But this is manageable. Annoyance is manageable. If it's not, there's probably another layer underneath that might need some professional support. And that's really good to know that again, in this, like, daily, regular, everything is a little annoying season, remember that this is manageable. Your response can be managed. You can find a way to kindly and calmly and honestly deal with whatever annoyance you're facing. It's not just that you have a say that you have agency in your choices. It's also that the situation itself is probably something that can be fixed or tended to or left without a fix or tend. But it's manageable to stay, let's say, in a line of grumpy people waiting in the pharmacy line and not feel like you have to change their minds and make them all willing to see that we're all waiting here. It reminds me of the Serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. So whether we, the situation can be managed, or our response to the situation, we can be managed by recognizing, I'm not gonna change people's minds here. Like, that's not for me to do. Like, it's manageable. Maybe to stay in line and even be grumpy yourself, but not be mean to the person who eventually Offers you whatever you're waiting for and then you can leave without being mean. Like all of that is manageable, right? Nothing is beyond a small solution. Even if that solution is just like kindness right in that moment, right? It's manageable. So the things to remember are annoyance is in the eye of the beholder. Annoyance is cumulative. You can be annoyed without being mean. You have a say in how you respond to whatever you're annoyed by. And this is manageable. I don't know about you, but like even saying those things, like I feel, I feel more at ease in my body. Like it, it's calming. Like we're just remembering the truth. And it's a really helpful truth. Now let's talk about some of the things that you can actually do to help you deal with life when everything is a little annoying. We'll run through these a little more quickly because they're going to make a ton of sense based on what we've already said. So first, slow down. Slow your breathing, Slow your speech, slow your body. Like slow your walk. Just slow down. Annoyance can often feel frantic and fast moving. You know, I don't see anyone who is relaxed and annoyed at the same time, you know, so counteract the speed of your annoyance by slowing down. Just take a deep breath. Pause before saying anything in response to a person. You know, look at the person in their eye like for a beat before you say anything. You know, maybe put a smile on your face if you feel like you can do that. Slow your unkind thoughts about that person or about people or about the situation. Just slow down. The second thing you can do is to notice when you are exaggerating or generalizing and stop doing it. So when you catch yourself using words like never and always and every time your annoyance is going to become more annoying, like you're just scratching that mosquito bite. So instead, soothe the annoyance by speaking the truth about the situation. Don't exaggerate it, don't generalize it. Take it for what it is right. Now back to the homework example. One of the things that I find myself doing often is generalizing one of my kids homework patterns. So I see his resistance to doing his homework as a pattern of disrespect. It's a pattern of disrespect. Like every time he argues about it, I connect that argument. Well, actually not every time. Not every time, but a lot of the time. See, I'm catching my own generalization. A lot of the time I connect that argument from him with the one from the day before. And the day before that and the day before that. I do often generalize that he is constantly being a pill about his homework, that it's about the homework. It's about him and the disrespect and the homework. It's this triangulation situation that really, when I slow down and back up and not make everything general or exaggerated, really the consistency is that he has adhd. He does not have the same executive functioning skills that I do. He's also probably an enneagram 7. Sorry for more Enneagram talk. Basically, this kid is wired to look at the next fun thing. Like his favorite thing is what hasn't happened yet. He loves dreaming and looking ahead and homework will never be his first choice. Like, he will never do it without being annoyed that he has to because there's so many other things he'd rather be doing. It's just how he's made. Plus his executive functioning challenges. They don't supply him with the natural skill set to have the discipline or the habits to do his homework the same way every day. So for me, by stepping back and noticing where I am generalizing and saying things like, he just never wants to do his homework. Instead, I can be like, he is wired in such a way that homework is going to be a struggle most of the time and I need to stop expecting him to just do it without prompting or with a great attitude. This understanding helps me have compassion for him. It helps me see the truth about what's going on, not some exaggerated or generalized assessment that is immovable and forever gonna be annoying. So notice when you're using words like always and never and every time and making blanket statements about something that is annoying, you pause that thinking, slow down, and look at it critically. Just right there. That is soothing. Instead of creating further irritation. The third thing you can do is to check your expectations. That connects to the homework story too. Like, what are your expectations of this thing? Your annoyance is going to be tied to your unmet expectations. So examine them. Like, what am I expecting right now? Like, that's a really. I mean, I know I tell y' all to ask what matters right now. I also think another valuable question to ask in the moment is, what am I expecting right now? And is that expectation like, a little more than I'm probably gonna get? Like, am I setting myself up to be annoyed? Here, Manage your expectations. That's usually easier and longer lasting than becoming exponentially annoyed as those expectations are not met. So that's number three. Check your expectations. Four, Disrupt your funk. Okay, this one is super practical. If you are in your home and you have a slew of things that have gone against your plan or just that your annoyance is like out, out living loud. And you're just like something you can do is just disrupt the funk. So last night we were watching football, as we often do in the Adachi house, me and Kaz and our two boys. Well, this past week, my boys were playing against each other in their fantasy football league. Brothers are inherently competitive and mine definitely are. Well, one of the boys was getting into a funk big time. He. He was losing to his brother. He was spiraling, seeing every play that we were watching on tv, every play that took points away from him as though it came from the universe itself. Like at one point he had a physical outburst and he said, the universe hates me with visible emotion. And I was like, okay, hold on. Let's slow down. Let's take a deep breath real quick. I think what's happening is that you're upset, which is okay, but you're staying there and it's getting worse. So let's disrupt it. I use that phrase. I use that phrase a lot. Let's disrupt it. Let's do something different. You can go take a shower. We can play around a Bananagrams. What should we do? And then. Cause my husband, who pays attention to what people want, he remembered that just an hour before, this same kid had said, man, we haven't had cake in a while. Cake would be so good. And in that moment, he offered to take that kid to whole foods at 8:30 at night to get a piece of cake to disrupt his spiral, to fix his funk. Now food doesn't have to be the fixer. I'm not necessarily saying that. But he came back home. They left. They came back home, you know, 30 minutes later, he came back home like a different kid. Like he was back to the essence of himself. And he said, as he sat at the table eating this piece of cake, he said, mom, I feel so much better. We should have just. We just have emergency cake in the fridge at all times when I need a disruption. And I was like, you know what, bud? Start small, man. We don't have to like turn today into a thing that works forever. I'm just glad you found like a happy disruption and we'll find another one the next time you need it. And he goes, fair point. And then he ate his cake. Disrupt the funk. You can play music, you know, you can play fun music and like dance around your house even though you're annoyed you can go for a run. You can call a friend who makes you laugh. Like, when I say go for a run, I literally mean, like, run around the block or, like, run down your driveway. Like, you don't have to go for like a mile. Run in the woods. I know a lot of you don't even have time for that. In the moment that you're annoyed, they just, like, move your body. Call a friend, laugh. You can say to the people that you live with who are annoying you, maybe I'm going to go outside and get the mail. I'll be back in a minute. And you're gonna walk slowly to your mailbox, and you're gonna feel the sun on your face, and you're gonna take a deep breath, and you're gonna maybe think that all of this awareness is kind of stupid, but you're disrupting the funk just for a second. Sometimes when we have a series of things that annoy us or we just can't seem to have a day when we're not feeling annoyed, we sort of feel like, this is our lot, right? This is just how it is. This is not manageable. I'm going to be annoyed all the time. That does not have to be where you land. Just disrupt your funk. It dislodges us from the power of that funk. Just for now. Just for right now. And it really helps also to offer a similar caveat to before. This is not a substitute for mental health support. This is not. Funk is not the same as depression or anxiety. This is just annoyance in the moment. So under no circumstances do I believe or support that you can just, like, disrupt your clinical depression with, like, a fun song, with, like, Harry Styles or something. That's not what I'm saying. This is just for annoyance. Disrupt your funk. Disrupt your annoyance, funk. And it does help. And finally, the fifth thing that you can do is to access kindness. This might be kindness from breathing, you know, like getting back to yourself a little bit from the recognition of the value that you hold of the person in front of you. It could be kindness from the Holy Spirit from any number of places for you personally. But accessing softness and kindness within ourselves, it's its own disruption. When you're a little annoyed by everything, you're also probably a little hard. Grumpiness and annoyance, they have. They have edges, you know, they're not round or fluid. That's okay. But accessing softness and kindness from within yourself, whatever your source is for that, it will counteract some of those hard edges. It'll help you be the kind, calm, present person that I know you want to be in that moment, in the pharmacy line, in the carpool line, in the drive through line, in all the lines in your house, during homework, at work, during meetings that take time away from the worker actually paid to do. There's no shortage of circumstances and people that can trigger our annoyance. But if you actively seek softness and kindness, if that is an intention that you bring, if you can identify where that comes from for you, then you can open that line as often as you need it. Which for me is pretty constantly. So to summarize, when you're feeling like everything is a little annoying, remember that annoyance is in the eye of the beholder. Annoyance is cumulative. You can be annoyed without being mean. You have a say in how you respond to whatever you're annoyed by, and this is manageable. If you would like something to actively do as you remember any of those things, you can slow down. You can notice when you're exaggerating or generalizing and make a different, more truthful choice. You can check your expectations, make sure they're not out of whack. You can disrupt the funk, and you can access softness and kindness within yourself. And that is what to do when everything is a little annoying. This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. One of my favorite parts of the holidays is finding a gift that makes someone feel truly special and sane. That is exactly the kind of gift that Cozy Earth offers. I am already obsessed with their sheets. They are incredible. Incredibly soft and cool to the touch. I just ordered their bamboo pajama set. I cannot wait to get it. Well, their bubble cuddle blanket that also makes a great gift. 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So this year it's a bit weird because as you know, Halloween is on a Friday night, which means Sam, our oldest, he's going to be playing at a football game. Now it is an away game and we have a decide once in our family to not go to away games as a family. So he will not be with us for Halloween, which is weird and sad in a season. And it's okay that it's weird and sad in a season. But anyway, so he's not going to be with us. My mom lives down the street and so we usually go trick or treating in the neighborhood with her and with the cousins and Coz and Ben often stay back to give out candy. Now can I tell you our favorite candy tip? Our house is in a busy Halloween neighborhood, but our street itself is hit or miss. Sometimes we get a ton of kids and other times it's like it's crickets. So here's what we do. We only buy Halloween candy that our family personally loves to eat, meaning we don't buy the big bags with like multiple kinds of candy all in one bag. We buy a giant bag of snack packs of Sour Patch Kids or Albany's Gummy Bears because those are our top two candy picks in the Adachi house. That way if we have extras, no harm done that candy it will Absolutely get eaten and with much gusto. So we just buy one kind of candy or two kinds of candy that we love in our house rather than the big giant bags. Because then you're just left with like, I don't know, a bunch of Mr. Goodbars or something. And it's just a pain. All right, so now for costumes, I usually let Annie drive the ship on that. So last year she. And actually it was two years ago. Cause I missed Halloween last year cause I was out doing book tour stuff for the Plan. But two years ago she and my niece wanted to go as fairy princesses. And they decided that me and my mom and my sister, we were given the task of being a trio of evil witches out to get them. It was like a whole thing. So funny. So we gladly went along with it. It was great. Well, this year Annie has decided to go. You, you guys, you're not ready. She's decided to go as a fancy businesswoman. Her words. So she has this cream pea coat that she like loves. It's like her winter coat. She loves it and it's long and to her it's kind of fancy, you know, it's like black buttons or whatever. And she's wearing these like high heeled boot things and like a power skirt and sunglasses and she's carrying her on a cell phone having like very serious conversations. She's collecting candy in a briefcase. Like it's the most, it's the most amazing thing. And like all pretty much her idea. So my task was to figure out something I could be that went along with her costume. So you guys, I'm going as her bodyguard. I'm wearing like a black suit and white button down shirt and sunglasses and an earpiece. Then I'm gonna look very serious as I stand with her at all times. The only thing I had to get too was the earpiece. And it was, it was $6. Like this is how I dress anyway. So this is when. This is actually when wearing like mostly black and white menswear in your regular life comes. It comes in handy. So anyway, that is, that is what we're wearing. I don't, I don't usually. I don't always, sometimes I do, I don't always post Halloween photos on Instagram because y' all know I don't do a lot of posting on Instagram anyway. Especially as my kids get older and they don't always, they don't always want people to see things. So I don't know if you'll get to actually see this But I did, I did want to share that. And you can imagine, I'm telling you now that Annie is going as a fancy businesswoman and I'm going as her bodyguard. And it's maybe my favorite costume pairing that's ever happened. So that's a little, that's a little extra something for today. All right, it's time to celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week it is Rachel from Maryland. Rachel writes, my husband and I have a toddler who just started preschool and a six month old and we just sold our house in June, lived with my in laws for two months, and finally moved into our new house a couple weeks ago. Getting our house unpacked and figuring out how we wanted everything organized has been extremely overwhelming. On top of parenting two small children and both of us working full time, there are so many tasks on my to do list that I mostly procrastinate everything because they don't know where to start. Well, today I decided to try to be a lazy genius. So I started putting tasks on post it notes, then arranging those post it notes in order of priority. The ones at the top were categorized as necessary for my sanity. So I prioritized getting those done first. The next set of tasks were would make me feel better if they were done. The third set can wait if needed. It's kind of like now, soon, later, never mind. Once I had my priorities set, I got to work with the most important ones that I felt would take away the most stress and overwhelm. I didn't make it down to the second set of tasks today, but I will. But I feel so much better knocking off those bigger tasks. Okay, Rachel. Of course. Oh my gosh, I love this so much. Again, it's just like now, soon, later, nevermind where you can you prioritize in terms of like urgency of things. But also, I cannot express to you guys how putting individual tasks on either like sticky notes or index cards or scrap paper or whatever and then moving them around with your actual hands helps with task prioritization. It is the best thing ever. I think for a lot of people, it's how your brain wants to organize things and it more accurately prioritizes for you because you can switch things around. You're not just reading off a list. You can really move it around until it feels right. So if you are feeling overwhelmed by like all there is to do and whatever project you're in in your life, like put the tasks on individual papers and move them around in like now, soon, later, never mind prioritize what would really has to happen in order to kind of eliminate some of the overwhelm for you. So this is a great application, Rachel, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. Okay, so as we close, let's have a mini pep talk for when you're feeling numb. Some of you are like, I'm not annoyed. I am too numb to be annoyed. You have turned off everything because it's, like, all too hard. Now, I'm not a mental health expert here. I am not a professional. I am a random lady who has been through the fire, who's done a mess of therapy, and who sees the simple within the complex. And so as that person who is just your kind, Internet big sister who wants to encourage you, I just want to say that going numb, I think it means you care. I think that when we numb, it's because the feelings that we have, even about, like, ordinary things, they just feel, like too much. We can't process them. We can't sit with them. Those feelings, they feel threatening sometimes. So if that's you, if you feel numb, I want to encourage you that I think in some ways, that's like, a beautiful testament to how much you care. When we care big, when we feel big, it's beautiful and it takes a lot out of us, and it's often unsustainable, which leads us to just shutting down if we don't have tools. So while I don't have any, like, wise words about how not to be numb anymore, I think that's a personal path that's probably helped by professional guidance. I do want to just say that what you're protecting behind your numbness is beautiful and worth preserving. I want it to be out in your world, protected and tended to and cared for wisely. But all of that emotion and all of those raw nerves that you just, like, can't keep open, they're a beautiful part of you. They're an asset to this world, not something to tamp down. So take that however you need to. If you are feeling numb, we. We all value what it is you are trying to protect. And that's your mini pep talk on when you're feeling numb. If this episode was helpful to you, or if you've been looking for a way to support the show, it would mean the world if you would share this episode with a friend or you can leave a kind review on Apple podcasts. Both of those things are hugely helpful, even though they are very small tasks. So thank you so much for doing that. This podcast is part of the Odyssey Family and the Office Ladies Network. If you missed it last week, the Office Ladies Network got a new family member, the show How We Made youe Mother, which is the How I Met yout Mother rewatch show with Josh Radner and Craig Thomas. It is now part of the Office Ladies Network family and we're so happy to have them. If you're a fan of the TV show, you should definitely go listen to the podcast. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi and Executive producer by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. If you'd like a podcast recap every other week, be sure to sign up for latest Lazy Listens. That is our email that goes out every other Friday with a summary of the show. You can head to thelazygeniuscollective.com listens to get it. Thanks y' all for listening and until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week. Hi, I'm Jessica St. Clair. And I'm June Diane Rayfiel and we are two friends trying to survive the chaos and celebrate the joy that life throws our way. And we do it every week on our podcast the Deep Dive. Sometimes we dig into the deep stuff, like how I communicate with my dead best friend. And sometimes we give bad advice based off a TikTok I saw. And we're not going to apologize for that. Absolutely not. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hire a psychic medium. Join us, won't you listen to the Deep Dive wherever you get your podcast from Lemonada Media. This episode is sponsored by Smile Generation. What does a confident smile say to you? With Smile Generation? It says you're taking care of more than just your teeth because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your oral health and wellness. Oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes and even cognitive conditions, so Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and your overall health so you can stop issues before they start. 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