The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk: Episode 667

Guest: Nick Gray
Title: How to Host World-Class Events, Why Leaders Need a Personal Website, Writing Like You Talk, Mastering Introductions, the Viral Tokyo Trip, & Adding Value Before Taking It
Date: December 22, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode, host Ryan Hawk sits down with Nick Gray: entrepreneur, author, and founder of Museum Hack, best known for his book The Two-Hour Cocktail Party. This wide-ranging conversation explores the art and science of hosting world-class events, why every leader should have a personal website, techniques for making priceless introductions, the story behind Nick’s viral Tokyo trip, the importance of writing authentically, and why real leadership begins by adding value to others before asking for anything in return.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Power of Hosting Events (04:27–20:23)

• Why Leaders Should Host Events:
  Nick stresses that leaders, whether seeking to hire, invest, or connect, can greatly benefit from hosting small gatherings. Regular, lightweight meetups (happy hours, dinner parties) keep networks robust by warming up "loose connections."

  "I found that by just hosting...a little happy hour or a meetup, it helped me keep my real life relationships warm and in touch." — Nick Gray [05:01]

• Blending Work and Personal Life:
  Nick avoids rigid separation; mixing guests from different backgrounds (occupational diversity) makes for more interesting, less transactional events.

  "A really boring event for me would be all work people. That just feels like work. I recommend that folks have diversity at their parties…occupational diversity." — Nick Gray [06:05]

• A Memorable Creator Event:
  Nick describes hosting an “influencer threshold” party where freestyle rappers mingled unexpectedly, delighting the crowd.

  "One guy starts beatboxing, one guy starts freestyle rapping, roasting the audience...It shocked everybody." — Nick Gray [07:06]

• Advice for First-Time Hosts:
  For busy leaders or parents hesitant to host, start small:

  • Leverage events you're already hosting (e.g., kid's birthday parties), use name tags for parents to spark introductions ([09:00]).
  • Don’t start by inviting VIPs—keep it local, familiar, 15–22 people, focus on comfort and practice ([09:57]).
  • Use tools like Partiful for RSVPs and reminders; share mini-bios of guests to reduce social anxiety ([11:02]).
  • At the event, label bathrooms/trash cans, personally greet guests, make handwritten name tags, and facilitate introductions ([12:41]).

• Facilitating "Collisions":
  Structured activities (icebreakers, intro rounds, group conversations) are crucial for guests to meet beyond their cliques.

  "Your job as a leader...is to go through life collecting the interesting people that you meet and helping them meet each other." — Nick Gray [14:39]

• Ending Well:
  Nick advocates for defined end times, especially weeknights:

  "You want to end the party on time...People are so surprised and refreshed...They're left with a positive opinion." — Nick Gray [18:48]

Personal Websites for Leaders (24:29–29:23)

• Essential Self-Branding:
  Nick urges all leaders and active professionals to secure a personal website (even if just a single plain-text page):

  "It's like proactive reputation management. People are out there searching for you on Google and on ChatGPT..." — Nick Gray [24:48] Even minimal sites help shape what AI and people see about you first.

• Tools and Services:

  • Easy platforms: Card (carrd.co), Cloudflare domains.
  • Don’t worry if your ideal domain isn’t available, just find a variation.
  • Nick’s new business: personalwebsites.net — builds simple, effective personal homepages ([27:19]).

• Domain Name Hustle:
  Fun anecdote on domain acquisition persistence—sometimes it’s about who asks most frequently ([28:35]).

The Viral Tokyo Trip: Storytelling That Connects (29:56–37:04)

• How It Started:
  Borne out of loneliness, Nick tweeted an open call for a blind date to Tokyo. The post exploded virally (27 million impressions!) and resulted in hundreds of curious applicants.

  "I just ripped this tweet out right before I went to bed..." — Nick Gray [30:26]

• Unexpected Outcomes:

  • The trip was wonderful personally, leading Nick to realize he was ready for a committed relationship, eventually meeting his wife.
  • From a business perspective, his inbound requests and influence soared during the viral period ([32:07]).

• Lesson for Everyone:
  Nick credits Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks for helping him write and tell stories authentically.

  "Just think about writing from... write like you talk. And that's what Matthew says." — Nick Gray [34:04]

  • Risk-taking in storytelling isn’t required to go viral; authenticity matters.

• Choosing a Date:
  Selected via a team screen, Nick sought someone fun, spontaneous, and geographically practical ([35:19]).

Mastering Introductions & Adding Value (37:04–46:26)

• The Double Opt-In Introduction:
  Never blind-introduce two people via email or message. Always get explicit consent from both parties first:

  "The better way would be to first reach out to John and say... I wanted to check if you're down for the intro first..." — Nick Gray [37:33]

• Philosophy of Interesting Lives:
  Nick expounds on a favorite tweet: people with interesting lives are open, unvain, risk-takers. He recommends "free days" or breaking routine (inspired by Dan Sullivan’s Strategic Coach) to spark creativity ([39:46]).

The Leadership Edge of Event Hosting (41:57–44:36)

• MC Skills Cross Over:
  Energetic, explicit, and structured hosting translates directly to impactful leadership.

  "The worst kind of host is the host who is too cool to care...That's not leadership." — Nick Gray [42:30]

  • Keeping the energy up and the agenda moving—as an MC, leader, or connector—is essential.

Practical Career Advice (45:05–46:35)

• Add Value Before Asking:
  Don’t reach out only to take; make an effort to offer something first (e.g., send a book recommendation).

  "Never send someone a message I'd love to pick your brain...Think about how you can add value first." — Nick Gray [45:05]

  • Nick is especially aware of AI’s impact on the job market for young grads; recommends learning AI tools and finding ways to support small businesses directly.

The Importance of Writing Like You Talk (46:35–47:22)

• Writing as a Leadership Practice:
  • Regular writing (even journaling via "Homework for Life"—Storyworthy) fosters thought clarity and future serendipity.
  • Publishing attracts kindred spirits and opportunities.

  "If you can write like you talk, it will pull people in. It'll have a magnetic effect." — Ryan Hawk [48:08]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "If you have kids...doing name tags for the parents helps other parents just say hello to somebody." — Nick Gray, on breaking the ice in everyday life ([09:01])
• "Your job as a host is to greet and welcome every single person and to make them a name tag." — Nick Gray ([12:41])
• "I want your first party to be for your neighbors, the parents of kids at your school, those LinkedIn connections, high school buddies you haven't seen in a while." — Nick Gray ([09:57])
• "People are so surprised and refreshed [by an on-time ending]...They're left with a positive opinion, so they want to come back the next time you host it." — Nick Gray ([18:48])
• "It’s like a networking event of your neighbors... but I would never use that term." — Nick Gray ([18:13])
• "You just need a page that can look like a Google Doc even...it's just to put your best foot forward". — Nick Gray ([24:48])
• "Write like you talk." — Nick Gray / referencing Matthew Dicks ([34:04])
• "Never send someone a message 'I'd love to pick your brain.'... Think about how you can add value first." — Nick Gray ([45:05])
• "If you can write like you talk, it will pull people in. It'll have a magnetic effect." — Ryan Hawk ([48:08])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Icebreakers: 02:09–04:27
• Hosting Events—Why & How: 04:27–20:23
• Nick’s Event Tips for Busy Parents: 09:00–10:47
• RSVPs & Pre-Event Communication: 11:02–12:20
• Facilitation & Name Tag Rituals: 12:41–16:59
• Ending Events with Energy: 18:33–20:23
• Leveraging Personal Websites: 24:29–29:23
• The Viral Tokyo Trip: 29:56–37:04
• Masterful Introductions: 37:04–39:46
• Living an Interesting Life: 39:46–41:57
• MC Skills as Leadership Skills: 41:57–44:36
• Adding Value; Advice for Young Leaders: 45:05–46:57
• The Power of Writing Practice: 46:57–48:08

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Book: The Two-Hour Cocktail Party by Nick Gray
• Book: Storyworthy by Matthew Dicks ([34:00])
• Website: personalwebsites.net ([27:19])
• Website: patronview.com ([47:35])
• Platform: carrd.co for personal sites ([27:19])
• Event RSVP platform: Partiful ([11:02])

Final Takeaways

• Great leaders connect others intentionally—hosting is a learnable superpower.
• Personal branding begins with something as simple as your own website.
• Storytelling and writing are critical for building authentic connection and opportunity.
• Leadership means generosity: Give before you ask, in intros and in networking.
• Try it yourself: Consider hosting a small, low-pressure event—with name tags!—as a first experiment in connection.

For more from Nick: find his latest projects at nickgray.net and subscribe to his “Friends” newsletter.