695: Andy Stumpf - Leadership Lessons From SEAL Team Six, Discipline vs. Motivation, Team Guy vs. Navy SEAL, High Standards, and How To Be Drownproof

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hawk

Episode 695: Andy Stumpf – Leadership Lessons From SEAL Team Six, Discipline vs. Motivation, Team Guy vs. Navy SEAL, High Standards, and How To Be Drownproof
Date: July 5, 2026
Host: Ryan Hawk
Guest: Andy Stumpf

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Andy Stumpf, retired Navy SEAL, author of Drown Proof, and former member of SEAL Team Six, joins Ryan Hawk to discuss the realities of high-performance leadership. Andy shares philosophies forged by elite military experience, the distinction between being a “team guy” versus a “Navy SEAL,” cultivating discipline versus relying on motivation, and how to maintain high standards without self-destruction. The conversation dives into practical lessons for business leaders, the meaning behind “drown proofing,” resilience after trauma, mentorship, and the importance of leading yourself before leading others.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. “What You Allow In Your Presence Is Your Standard”

[02:59–05:58]

• Meaning of the Mantra:
  Andy explains that your true standards are reflected by the behaviors you accept around you—not by slogans or what’s written on a wall.

  “If your actions don't align with your speech, it means nothing. ... What you allow, what you choose not to address is the actual standard for yourself as an individual and as a business, regardless of whatever you may have written somewhere else. It's tough. It sucks.” – Andy [03:35]

• Application to Relationships:
  The mantra applies to the standards you uphold with friends, family, and colleagues, especially regarding boundaries.
  “You can control almost nothing in your life, but you can control the boundaries that you set and maintaining those boundaries.” – Andy [05:32]

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2. Motivation for Becoming a Navy SEAL

[05:59–08:54]

• Early Calling:
  Andy felt a unique urge to become a Navy SEAL from age 11—driven by the exclusivity and difficulty of the path, though he couldn’t articulate the “why” at a young age.
  “There was something about that job that, when I first heard about, clicked, and it was a gravitational pull in my life ever since that point.” – Andy [07:17]

• Nature vs. Nurture:
  Family and environment shape you, but “some aspect of it that you just come out of the box wired for certain things.”

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3. Navy SEAL vs. Team Guy

[08:54–11:38]

• Key Differences:
  A “SEAL” focuses on personal achievement and title, while a “team guy” is dedicated to the collective mission and success of the group.
  “It’s the difference between somebody who is there for a title and an individual journey … versus somebody who is there for the mission and the team.” – Andy [09:11]

• Hiring Implications:
  Externally identical, but internally recognized, organizations must prioritize “team guys” to foster high performance and cohesion.

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4. Building and Sustaining High-Performance Teams

[11:38–16:26]

• Interview & Onboarding:
  The real screening happens beyond the job interview—in ongoing, candid feedback and mentorship.

  • Employ open-ended questions
  • Prioritize ongoing performance reviews
  • Address issues early, not years later

• Firing and Culture:
  “Letting people go sucks. You identify early and it's in your presence and you don’t do anything about it, and it sucks. I've made the same mistake.” – Andy [16:09]

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5. The “Drown Proof” Mindset

[16:42–23:53]

• Meaning Behind the Book Title:
  The concept and imagery of SEAL training’s drownproofing exercise resonated: survival precedes thriving.
  “First you have to survive, then you can build and thrive on top of that.”

• Training Details:
  Describes the step-by-step process of hands-and-feet-bound swimming—ultimately an exercise in self-control, not just physical endurance.

  “It's not an exercise in being drown proof. It's an exercise in self-control ... It test occurs in the water, but has almost nothing to do with the water itself. It’s self-control.” – Andy [21:27]

• Real-World Application:
  When facing chaos, focus on the only thing you can control: yourself—your reactions, breath, actions.

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6. Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence

[23:53–25:54]

• Practical Exercise:
  On paper, list all your concerns on one side, everything you have real influence over on the other. You can only control yourself—your actions, your focus, your time.

  “Every time I do this, my mental health and headspace gets better because I can reorient and center.” – Andy [25:34]

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7. Surviving Trauma & Choosing Growth

[25:54–40:34]

• Combat Injury Story:
  Andy recounts being shot in Iraq [26:27–30:38], the physical/mental aftermath, and the drive to return to duty.

• Dealing with High Standards:
  Having very high standards is a “finely sharpened blade”—it propels greatness but can become destructive if taken too far or not coupled with self-compassion.

  “For somebody whose entire identity is defined by the rigidity of their standards … and you have no grace for yourself … these lies we tell ourselves are so, so dangerous.” – Andy [39:01]

• Post-Traumatic Growth:
  Andy advocates for a shift from focusing on PTSD to “post-traumatic growth.”

  “Trauma doesn't have to destroy you. … I think that trauma, if you take the time and energy to work your way through it … can turn you into a better version of yourself.” – Andy [40:05]

• Therapy:
  Open about using counselors and the importance of addressing all layers of trauma.

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8. Motivation vs. Discipline

[42:44–47:38]

• Difference:
  “The biggest one is you can outsource motivation, discipline you can't.”

  • Motivation fluctuates, can be externally sourced (videos, speeches)
  • Discipline is internal, shows up even when you’re unmotivated

• Building Discipline:
  “Win small battles as opposed to trying to win the war in one fell swoop.”
  Change one thing at a time, establish habits gradually.

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9. Everyday Leadership Mindset

[48:28–53:28]

• Everyone’s a Leader:
  Hesitancy to call oneself a leader often stems from lack of title or experience, but leadership is practiced long before official positions.

  “If you don't at least think of yourself as a leader, you are never going to step into a leadership void because you are telling yourself that you are not the person.” – Andy [48:53]

• How to Practice:
  Leadership capital builds or erodes in every micro-interaction. Parenting is cited as one of the most important forms of daily leadership.

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10. Book Writing Journey and Notable Praise

[54:15–57:27]

• Genesis of Drown Proof:
  Began as a collaborative project, but Andy ended up writing it solo after his co-author bailed.

• Joe Rogan’s Blurb:
  “If the world went completely sideways from a zombie virus outbreak, Andy Stumpf would be my top draft pick.” – Joe Rogan [56:18]
  Andy reflects on serendipity and the quirks of friendship and praise.

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11. Traits of Sustained Excellence in Leaders

[57:29–59:03]

• Mastery of the Basics:
  Top leaders stick with fundamentals and compound small wins.
  “They make no attempt to be flashy. … They’ll do 1 yard 50 times in a row.” – Andy [57:59]

• Consistency:
  Combining high IQ with high EQ, and showing up over and over.

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12. Personal Reflections

[59:03–61:34]

• Champagne Question:
  If celebrating a year from now, Andy wants to simply be surrounded by and present with loved ones.

• Dedication:
  Andy credits his wife Leah for seeing something in him during his lowest moments—after a soul-crushing divorce.
  “I never did anything in the military that made me question who I was as a man, or my value as a man ... that’s the period in time where her and I actually connected.” – Andy [60:20]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “What you allow in your presence is your standard… And it sucks because it applies to everybody.” – Andy [02:59]
• “The test occurs in the water, but has almost nothing to do with the water itself. It's self-control.” – Andy [21:27]
• “I like to focus on post traumatic growth. I think that trauma, if you take the time and energy to work your way through it...can turn you into a better version of yourself.” – Andy [40:34]
• “Motivation can be outsourced. Discipline, you can’t.” – Andy [47:11]
• “At a baseline level, if you don’t at least think of yourself as a leader, you are never going to step into a leadership void...” – Andy [48:53]
• “They make no attempt to be flashy. ... They’ll do 1 yard 50 times in a row.” – Andy [57:59]
• Joe Rogan’s blurb: “If the world went completely sideways from a zombie virus outbreak, Andy Stumpf would be my top draft pick.” [56:18]

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Important Timestamps

• 02:59 – Standard setting and real-world application
• 08:54 – Team Guy vs. Navy SEAL explained
• 19:01 – Drownproofing exercise details
• 25:54 – Combat injury and recovery process
• 34:21 – Leadership lessons from mentor Dave Hall
• 40:05 – Post-traumatic growth reframed
• 47:11 – Motivation vs. discipline differences
• 54:15 – The story behind writing Drown Proof
• 56:18 – Joe Rogan’s “zombie apocalypse” praise
• 57:59 – Essential traits of sustained high performers
• 59:23 – Champagne question: what matters most

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Tone & Takeaways

Andy is forthright, intensely practical, self-effacing, and occasionally darkly humorous—all traits forged by pressure and service. He stresses discipline, self-accountability, and leading by example over hollow rhetoric. The episode is a masterclass in applying elite military lessons to everyday leadership, emphasizing progress over perfection, the power of teams, and the necessity of self-compassion alongside relentless standards.

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For anyone seeking to lead themselves or others, this conversation is packed with actionable wisdom, humility, and the hard truths of high achievement.

Transcript

[A]

My next book, the Price of Becoming, will be out in a couple of months. In the meantime, I have sent it to a few authors who I deeply admire and look up to. One of them is Jack Carr, the incredible Navy SEAL who's also written a number of New York Times bestsellers. And this is what Jack said about the Price of Becoming. Quote the Price of Becoming is a clear eyed look at transformation and the cost that comes with it. No hype, no shortcuts, just the truth about change and the discipline required to sustain it. This is a must read if you are serious about doing work that matters. Buy it, read it, then go forth and crush the again. That's from Jack Carr, United States Navy SEAL and number one New York Times bestselling author. I would love if you would pre order the Price of Becoming right now. You can do [e-mail] or go straight to Amazon and order the Price of Becoming. Thank you so much. Welcome to the Learning Leader show presented by Insight Global. I am your host Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Go to learningleader.com for show notes of this and all podcast episodes go to learningleader.com now onto tonight's featured leader. Andy Stumpf. Enlisted at age 17, became a Navy SEAL, eventually made it to SEAL Team 6, completed 10 combat deployments, was shot at close range by an AK47 in Iraq and returned to duty when doctors said he might not walk again. And he just released his instant New York Times bestseller called Drown Proof. Eight Life lessons to keep your head above water during our conversation, we discussed the real difference between motivation and discipline and why one of them cannot be outsourced and the other one can. Then why the people with the highest standards can be the most at risk and what Andy learned the hard way from losing a mentor and then what post dramatic growth looks like and why Andy thinks we've been focused on the wrong half of that conversation. There was so much we covered. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy my conversation with Andy Stump. I love the mantra that's both in your book and on your website and that is quote, what you allow in your presence is your standard. Can you tell me more what that mantra means?

[B]

I mean, it's pretty straightforward. I was talking with you before we went live. I was doing a corporate speaking engagement. The coolest venue ever at the Red Rocks Amphitheater. I was not on stage and I went through a slide deck and literally I have a slide that says questions and then I tell the audience, I'm going to leave you with one more thing and I click it and that's how I end my presentations. Is what you allow in your presence is your standard, or I'll say another way to phrase it, is what you walk past is your standard. And it's pretty clear what it means. And it sucks because it applies to everybody watching or listening. This. It doesn't matter what your corporate ethos is. It doesn't matter what your personal ethos is. It can be tattooed, it can be on a wall behind you, a sticker, a banner, that's all great. But if your actions don't align with your speech, it means nothing. And speech really, you know, we could argue about the value and the impact it can have. Actions truly have impact. So what you allow, what you choose not to address is the actual standard for yourself as an individual and as a business, regardless of whatever you may have written somewhere else. It's tough. It sucks.

[A]

I love that you. Because when I first read it, I thought about the people you allow in your life. And you focus most of that though on holding yourself to the standard and that whatever you say is fine. It's what you actually do. Now let's expand on it though. How does that apply to the people in your life, the people you choose to surround yourself with?

[B]

You hit the nail on the head with who you allow into your life. We live in a world where I think it tugs at everybody if they are, we'll call it consumer facing at all. If you participate in the social media ecosystem, which you and I do, because we can tell ourselves it's a part of our business and it is a part of our business. But also it feels nice to be recognized. It can feel nice. And we all have egos, that's totally fine. You know, I always advocate for keeping it in check, but I never tell people not to have one because that's impossible. But it is enticing to want to have as many people in your circle as possible, to have as much influence and touch points as possible. And those are important things. And I do believe influence and impact are very important. But for those that you actually allow in your personal life, and this can be friends or actual family, what their behavior, the things that you allow them to do in your presence without going unaddressed, the standards that you hold, the boundaries that you hold in those relationships, it's exactly the same thing. You can control almost nothing in your life, but you can control the boundaries that you set and maintaining those boundaries. And it's really just the same thing. It has such broad applicability that's why I love it. It crosses that barrier between personal and professional. It really impacts every aspect of your life.

[A]

Got you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You said that you knew you wanted to be a Navy SEAL since you were 11 years old. How did you know at 11?

[B]

I don't know. I certainly didn't have the vocabulary then to explain it. And I would like to believe my vocabulary has gotten a little bit better in the 37 years since then. At this point in my life, I could say, you know, there probably was some level of the difficulty. I knew that the odds were not in my favor. I knew that the job was gonna be difficult. I knew that the job will use the term exclusive, just meaning that the vast majority of people who attempt it are not successful. Those had something to do with it, but that's not it. And those things aren't enough to get you through the difficult times, specifically in training. I was anomalous when I was young, knowing what I wanted to do at that age, and it was very bizarre among my peer cohort group. I was born and raised in Santa Cruz, California, which traditionally has been and still continues to be a bastion of liberalism, which is awesome. Live your life however you want to. My point in me saying that is, I didn't have a lot of friends that were like, yay, let's join the military. I was a little bit anomalous in my peer group, but while my friends were studying for their SATs and doing their college admissions, I was in the gym. It just made sense to me. There was something about that job that, when I first heard about, clicked, and it was a gravitational pull in my life ever since that point. What's crazy is, is that when I got into the community, it was the single most common narrative I heard in between the individuals. So totally anomalous outside of it, surrounded by people who also would say, yeah, I really want to do it, and I really don't know why. It's not that they didn't know why you struggle to find the right words as to why it motivates you so much and why you want to go down that path.

[A]

Do you think it's something with your upbringing or just how you were wired when it comes to I want to do the hardest thing in the world?

[B]

I think it's probably a measure of both.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, humans are crazy unique species, and I know enough, and I have three children of my own now, so I can be a little bit more reflective and objective in looking at them. None of them have ever expressed an interest in Joining the military, I can count on one hand the number of times they've asked me about my military service. I'm resoundingly the most uninteresting person in their life. It's fantastic. I absolutely love it. But I have two boys and a girl, same genetic DNA. They couldn't be more different. They're motivated by different things, they like different things, they're drawn to different things. And I think it's a measure of both. I think upbringing and who you surround yourself with or how your parents raised you or the environment you were raised in is incredibly impactful. But there's some aspect of it that you just come out of the box wired for certain things. And that's just the way it is.

[A]

You write about the difference between a Navy SEAL and a team guy. What's the difference between a Navy SEAL and a team guy?

[B]

Were you out my speech yesterday? Because that was the second to last slide?

[A]

No, but I would like to see you speak. But I mean, I guess I get a version of that right now. So this is cool.

[B]

It's the difference between somebody who is there for a title and an individual journey and a self centered view of the world versus somebody who is there for the mission and the team. And in one of those, you arrive together the team guy, you arrive with your team, the seal, you arrive by yourself because it's an individual journey. There's nothing wrong with either of those. And I'm always clear when I talk about that. It's just different. What's interesting, using the SEAL versus team guy. Team guy is an internal term inside of the community. Most people may not understand it externally. Both wear the same uniform. So it's very hard to tell from the outside. There are people who join the SEAL community that use it as a resume bullet. They're there for four years, they do their minimum obligation and they move on. And I have nothing but respect for that. I have no, there's nothing diminutive that I would say about that. That's a personal choice. Some stay for 30 years. Also a personal choice. You have earned the right to do what you want to with your experiences. But what I will say is this internally, at the command where everybody wears the same uniform and would be indistinguishable to the outside world. We 100% know the difference between the two. Again, one's an individual journey, one's a team journey.

[A]

Were you always a team guy? Did you go in as maybe a SEAL and then became a team guy? Like, how did it go for you?

[B]

I would have to let other people that I served with decide that for me. I don't think it's fair for me to rate my own career. What I will say is I did my absolute best at all times to care more about the people next to me than I did about myself. And I think that is one of the determining factors between the SEAL and the team guy as well too. Or you could call it the individual or the team player, whatever vernacular may click. And the reason I put it into my presentation is that you gotta be really careful who you hire and how and how you talk about the ethos and morals of your organization. What type of person are you looking for? Personally, I'd rather have a group of team guys than a group of seals, even though they wear exactly the same uniform, the end state, the trajectory and your ability to accomplish sometimes unbelievable things is 100% aligned with what group of people that you bring into your organization.

[A]

I think this could apply so much on any team in any company. And so I guess the natural question then for me is so whether it's the interview process or some sort of recruiting process of hiring and or promoting leaders, let's say we want the team guys, we don't want the SEALs or the people who just want the VP title or whatever that external validation is. So what do you do to ensure you're getting a team guy versus the individual or the person who just loves the idea of being a seal or the loves the idea of some sort of a title that you get from getting a promotion at a company?

[B]

Yeah, so you started off with, you know, the entry points, which would be how you interview, how you hire. Then there's the onboarding process as well too. And a lot of organizations, it's fascinating to me, they really will skip an onboarding process and oftentimes they'll justify it through the lens of a budget or they don't have time or they don't have the mechanism in place. And all of those are very real things. I'm not here to tell people how to structure their business. I can only talk about my own experience and the really multi year, which I'm not recommending for corporate America, but the multi year mentorship onboarding process to really get somebody up to speed in the community that I came from. Again, not recommending that, but it is in the onboarding process that you can reinforce the things that you're talking to somebody about in that interview and hiring process. And then beyond that, you need to keep an eye on the people that you Hire. So I would say at a minimum, biannual feedback and you sit down and you basically do an after action review on their performance. And that can be split between their performance and how you are perceiving them to be as a person. I'm here to tell you as an organization, it's way easier to solve this problem on the front end that it is 10 years down the road or five years down the road when these people are really ingrained in your organization. It's just tough. It's easier to orient up front, but it's consistent feedback. People in leadership positions. I'm not saying it needs to be exhaustive, but it can be at times. And you have to hold yourself accountable to the people who work for and with you. And you do that by making sure that you are giving them feedback and sitting them down and doing these reviews and talking about changes you need to see in behavior. I'd rather have an organization let somebody go six months in as opposed to six years in when they may have already catastrophically impacted the culture of an organization. So the earlier that you can identify these things, the earlier you can implement these things in your process, the better off you're going to be.

[A]

What about on the hiring process? So do you have any questions you like to ask? Like let's get real specific right now. What are some ways in the actual decision making process of who we're going to have come aboard our team, our company to say ah, because you know, everyone's on their best behaviors in the interview. So like it's. They're still really hard.

[B]

I was going to go there right away.

[A]

Yeah, we get fooled. You know, we've all made bad hires, those of us who've hired, it happens. It's life. But how can we minimize the number of mistakes we make in the hiring process?

[B]

It's a tough one because like you said, people especially if they're highly motivated for the position, they're going to wear a pretty good mask. And that's okay because we know that that's going to be the case. It's everything after that that I think you have to pay attention to in the hiring process. I would ask more creative questions. Avoid, yes, no, leave it open ended, allow them to speak. You know, in that process, put it like an 80, 20. You're talking 20% of the time you're trying to get them to talk 80 just to listen. The more you can get people to talk, specifically if they're wearing a mask like this, trying to hide who they really are and I'm not saying you need to be Sherlock Holmes. I'm just saying pay attention. You know, when people tell you something, it's not always a bad idea just to listen and say, maybe they mean that. You know, take a few notes. So the hiring process isn't perfect. We can agree on that. Neither is seal selection and the process that gets people into the community. It's the consistent feedback afterwards and paying attention. It's after that process is when you really get this chance to see what they say versus what they do. And you know, you mentioned you've hired people before, right? You've had a bad hire.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I mean, let's be totally honest. You generally know pretty early. You're like, I don't know. The mistake most people make is they say, maybe we need to give it some more time. And maybe you do. But if you don't have a system in place to help correct that behavior, maybe it's additional training they need. Maybe it's additional tools that they need. Maybe you need to explain them a little bit better the roles and responsibilities of their job. If you don't have any of that and the behavior continues, at some point in time, the decision needs to be made. Either we need to find a better position for this person inside of our organization or we need to remove them. And it's very common because letting people go sucks. You identify early and it's in your presence and you don't do anything about it, and it sucks. I've made the same mistake.

[A]

Yeah, unfortunately we all have. And usually, you know, quickly and then it's, oh, let me give them some time. And it's almost never works out. I want to get to drown proof because it really caught my eye, both the title as well as the. The visual of the. The COVID I do not have a military.

[B]

The drowning individuals, yes.

[A]

I don't have a military background, but I've. I've hired ex Special Forces operators. I hold you in the highest regard. I am so incredibly grateful for your service to our country. I could go on and on. I'm just curious, what made you choose the title of the book?

[B]

I am a firm believer that I've never had a unique thought in my life. I swear, I think I've just repurposed things that I've been exposed to or I have. Personally, I don't only want to ever be known for my 17 years in the military. I would like. I don't, you know, the average lifespan of an American. Maybe I can do a little bit better than that. And spend a lot more time out of the military than when I was in. And there are a lot of books for people from the community. Some of them are very war story based, some of them not at all. Some fiction, some none. I knew what type of book I wanted to write, and after I had laid out a few of the chapters and determined what it is that I wanted the book to be able to provide, the thought of keeping your head above water kept coming back to me. The COVID image is not a photo that I took. There was an ex SEAL who became a professional photographer, and he was given access to training that almost nobody else is, of course, because he's a trusted entity. And he took about 4 of the photos that were in the book to include the COVID image. And I happened to be going through and looking at pictures and I saw that and it just. It absolutely clicked. Right. First you have to survive, then you can build and thrive on top of that. And in the evolution, what you're looking at in that picture is an evolution in buds called drown proofing. So it sold itself. The title in the picture kind of came as a single package, and it aligned perfectly with what I was trying to accomplish with the book.

[A]

So can you walk me through that training? I've heard of it. And how to do it? Well, is that the right way to ask the question?

[B]

I mean, it's pass fail. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I know it's something along the lines of. Of staying calm. Right. My background's athletics as a quarterback, and part of how to be good at that position is to be able to be calm in the chaos. There's Lyman all over you. You got to stand in there and make the shot. Right.

[B]

In.

[A]

In this case, it's more life and death, obviously, with what you've done. But this is a version of training that can lead to very bad outcomes if you're not able to remain calm in the cal. So I'd love to hear it from your perspective of what that training is like and how it's helped you.

[B]

Sure. So the evolution itself, people don't believe me when I say this. It's actually one of the easiest evolutions you do in training. It's an hour. So the actual test, at least when I went through, is you bob up and down, you're bouncing off of the pool floor, you push off, you exhale when you get to the top. So you become negatively buoyant. You come down, you bounce off. You come up, you get a breath of air, and you go back down. So for an Hour you do that. The reason I say it's one of the easiest evolutions. And you've already hit on this. If you can be calm and control your breathing rate, you can only get yelled at by the instructors for about a quarter of a second while your head's above water for an hour, you're just chilling out. Just you hear the bubbles going. It's not bad. And you know, on the COVID image, their hands are tied behind their back and their feet are bound together. We don't do that initially. They go out there and we say, put your hands behind your back and just keep your feet together. And they practice. Then they start with very light Velcro straps, so they can easily break them apart. Then on test day, they're actually tied. And it's also a one to one ratio. So what you don't see is that there's one student tasked with watching another one in the water, and there are a bunch of instructors in the water that were out of frame. We're not trying to kill people. For clarity. It's a challenging evolution, but the safety net is there. And it's a crawl, walk, run philosophy. We just don't throw them to the wolves. But you bounce up and down for an hour. Then you have to Transit the pool 50 meters and 50 meters with your feet tied together and your hands tied behind your back. So it's a little bit of a dolphin porpoise. It's more challenging because you don't want to sink on this one. So you're taking a deep breath and you're trying to stay as positively buoyant as possible while you dolphin kick. And you have to kind of time your head coming up getting a breath. So it's a little bit. It's different breath maintenance, control. But again, practiced robustly before. We have them do this evolution. Then they get back to where they were bobbing. They start bobbing again. This part of the test I don't understand, and I feel like it was just generational trauma passed down from previous instructors. They throw a mask into the water. You have to bite it with your teeth, bob up and down again for a minute to show you can do it, and then do a front somersault underwater. And then the test is over. And I don't know why those last two things occur. And then that's the end of drown proofing.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I have no explanation.

[A]

What's the pass fail percentages on that?

[B]

Super high. I'm telling you, it's not hard. It's really not hard. It's not an exercise in being drown proof. It's an exercise in self control. You are very capable of still drowning after that. I would love to say that there has never been a SEAL lost to drowning. There was two lost just a few years ago in the Middle east that fell off of a ship during a shipboarding. It happens. There were two active duty seals that were found dead at the bottom of the pool in Virginia beach multiple years ago. They think that one had a shallow water blackout and another one went in to try to help and had the same thing happen. It doesn't make you drown. Proof. The test occurs in the water, but has almost nothing to do with the water itself. It's self control.

[A]

Yeah. How do you use what you learned in that exercise outside of the pool in your everyday life? How has that type of training helped you outside of the actual doing of the thing?

[B]

So this is easy to say, but hard to live. It refocuses and centers you on the one thing that you can actually control, which is yourself. Even if the world is being chaotic around you or you're in a medium like the water, which is so unforgiving. It is fascinating to me how little people respect the water, especially those that have never really spent a lot of time in it. They're very cavalier. I'm like, you're going to die if you're not careful. So that environment where you don't get to choose when you can breathe, you have to focus internally on self control and breathing when you can. And in every situation I've been in in my life, for everything I've tried to accomplish in my life post military, it's always helpful and beneficial to me to go back to, especially when things feel like, you know, this is happening and so many things are happening at a velocity or rate or you're trying to accomplish something. Okay, what can I actually control? I can't control the chaos, but I can control myself. I can control my breathing. I can take a break, I can take a beat. I can prioritize the things that are the most important and focus on those first and not get distracted by Instagram and Twitter, those type of things. It's a lesson that has an opportunity to be expressed everywhere. But I'm not immune to the distractions of life either. And it is so easy to get trapped in those things. But what I do when that happens is walk myself back to exactly that concept. The world's chaotic around me. That doesn't mean I need to be chaotic. Probably means I need to slow down and Focus on self control.

[A]

That reminds me of an exercise you wrote about in your book that correct me if I get this wrong, but on one side of the paper it says concern or you write concern. On the other side you write influence. Can you walk me through that exercise?

[B]

Yeah. So it's the circle of influence versus the circle of concern. And you could do this as a circle or you could do it. I think it's just a little bit easier. On a piece of paper. Draw a line down the center of a, you know, legal pad on the left hand side. Put concert because you're going to need that left hand column for a little bit more. And you can put on that anything that occupies your bandwidth or time. Things you are worried about, things you are trying to accomplish, things that you are concerned with. It's going to be a really long list. Then on the other side of that, which is influence. And by influence I mean you have direct influence or control over. You're actually only going to be able to put down one thing or derivations of one thing. However people would want to do this is fine. For myself, the only thing I'm ever able to put down there is myself. What do I have actual control over? Now the derivations are easy. I have control over my time. I have control over the self talk that I use. I have control over the goals that I set. But those again are downstream from what I consider to be. It's just a little bit more concise to put control of yourself. Every time I do this, if I'm honest about where my attention and time is going, it's always on that left hand column because again, life, it's sticky. And there are things that are designed to be attention grabbing. And I have children and I have businesses and other things that I want to accomplish. It's so easy to get lost in things and worry about things you can't control. And every time I do this, my mental health and headspace gets better because I can reorient and center and to bring it all the way back to the drown proofing evolution. I'm focusing on bobbing up and down and when I can take a breath, when I need to relax and just taking control of myself in that chaotic environment.

[A]

I wonder how this works. I've never been shot before, but you

[B]

have good 10 out of 10. Don't recommend.

[A]

Yes. So you, you're in battle. I believe this is 2005, in Iraq. Seal team six.

[B]

Yep. So we're in Iraq February 5th, 2005 specifically.

[A]

Okay, walk me through that Day and how you. Cuz I read that doctor said it would take years if ever for you to be able to come back. And you came back much quicker than that. Can maybe walk me through that day, what happened and how you chose to respond.

[B]

Yeah, I wish I could say there was something exciting about that day or out of the normal. In 2005 we were very busy. So every night we were, you know, during the daytime we were mostly sleeping. We called it being on vampire schedule. We'd get up as the sun went down and we would work until the sun came up essentially. And every night we were doing something else. This particular night, I believe we were going after a kidnapping cell that hadn't executed a kidnapping yet, but they were looking at potentially being ready to go do so. This night we drove to the target because it was right on the border between Baghdad and Fallujah. Walked through a burning garbage dump also 10 out of 10 don't recommend that. Smells worse than you can imagine and probably not great for long term health. We were, I had to talk a little bit broadly about it. We were trying to geolocate this person electronically. So we had some specialists with us and the devices, at least back then they had and they still do a little bit of round off error. So we had to move around a little bit to triangulate and in doing so some other people saw us. So we made some noise farther down the street. Very normal stuff. Everything I'm describing to you is not atypical for a military operation. What I was doing, or we, I should say I was a part of a much larger team. Eventually came back and kind of retraced our steps and the, we'll call it the widget guy said hey, this is your building. So kind of put together a plan and I happened to be the first guy over the wall and I was going to provide security for another member of our unit, was going to put a breaching charge up on the door. We were going to explosively breach the door on our side and a couple of the other guys hopped over the wall. And as I was walking up to the door off to my right, the building kind of jutted out a little bit and almost like a garage is due, oftentimes with a really large window. And I just didn't want to turn my back to that without looking into it. So I took my eyes very briefly off of the door in the window that was right there to look to my right. And the second that I did that, from what I heard from other people behind me is a Guy raised an AK47 up above his head and started shooting. And he hit me with probably, I don't know, the first or second round that came out of that. And you know, that was the kind of the end of my evening. Spun me around flat on my back. I got pinned under a car, not awesome. And yeah, everybody else had to do everything. And I ended up getting drug out of the courtyard, put up against the wall. There was, I believe, seven or eight U.S. soldiers injured on that target. So we were helicoptering people off, the most severely injured. I ended up getting driven to the Green Zone, the hospital in the Green Zone in the back of a Bradley fighting vehicle with another guy who'd been shot through the hand. And yeah, that was the end of that deployment. And that was about a two year pause on my operational career. I got a lot of, we don't knows, maybes from people with advanced medical degrees because it was, don't get me wrong, getting shot didn't feel good. By the time I got to the hospital, my ankle actually was my chief complaint. It felt like somebody had been smashing it with the sledgehammer. And come to find out later on, that was the termination point of my sciatic nerve, which is what the round impacted or interacted with.

[A]

Where did it hit you?

[B]

High up on my hip on my left hand side. And the doctors again, and they're doing the best they can, they're like, listen, the shockwave might have interacted with it, the bullet might have pierced some portion of your sciatic nerve. But the reality is I couldn't move my foot at all. I had total hemiplegia on the left hand side, so paralysis of my left leg. They said, hey, we don't know. We don't know if it's total, we don't know if it's complete, we don't know if it's going to come back. Nerves grow at a millimeter a day or an inch a month. So for full recovery, it would need to grow from the point of impact all the way down to the termination point in your ankle. It may do that, it may not do that. I mean, they were just being honest, they didn't know. And yeah, it took me two years to get it to a place where I was able to. I left the command shortly after that, went over to Bud's and became an instructor where I was in charge of essentially doing my own rehab. After 18 months there, that's where I picked up my commission and became an officer and then did my final operational tour at Seal Team 3, but about two years to kind of Humpty Dumpty to put himself back together again, I would say, in a mix of physiologically and psychologically as well.

[A]

What made you want to get back out there when you would have had even the most killer SEAL would say, I get it, man. You've done your time. You've served our country. You could go chill now. And you said, I want to get back out there.

[B]

That's all I ever wanted to do. And I was at a place with people that I had dreamed about. It was everything that I thought it was. I felt like I was an Indy car, just pegged out. I was going to say fifth gear, but I feel like they had 10 gears. So whatever Top Gear, an Indy car has, I feel like we were just red line, just that line between yellow and red and just operating, and then all of a sudden you're like, oopsie, where'd that transmission go? Car's not driving so well anymore. And I wanted to get back to that. It's where I wanted to be doing the things I wanted to do with the people I wanted to be with, and then gone.

[A]

Did it take some time to kind of get your mojo back? Did you have any confidence issues? What was it like when you came back?

[B]

I mean, it's so I got to Team three as the training officer and ended up deploying as part of one of their operational units because there was almost no experience in Afghanistan and they were sending a unit there, so I went with that unit. So it was probably three years before I started doing tactical training again, and I was just rusty. And even in the tactical training stuff, though, it's as realistic as you can get it, but in the back of your mind, you know it's not real, so you still have that. But I do remember when we went over to Afghanistan in 2010, and we needed to go clear a compound on one of the first objectives that we went to. And I'm sitting there, I'm like, oh, still got it.

[A]

Wow. Wow. The idea of confidence comes up, I feel like, a lot, especially as a dad and the coaching sports teams now. And I think one of the ways, and you got to draw a lot from this is one of the ways to go earn some confidence is. Is to prove it right, is to go do the thing, do something hard, do something you're scared of, and then you do it and you come back. I have to believe that seems like a great example of that. Oh, do you still have it? I don't know. And then you go do it and then boom. Like how that impact your confidence.

[B]

I mean, it felt good. I had the tactical knowledge. I didn't know if my body was going to sustain the physiological demands, which in the end it was barely able to do during that 10 month time period. And I got medically retired from the command that I went to. After that, I went back to another training command essentially to go through the military retirement process, the medical retirement process. So I had vastly more combat experience than almost everybody that I was with. But I was unsure as to whether or not my body could tolerate it. So it was a mix of both. I mean, sure, I was able to take a deep breath and be like, okay, cool, we're still able to do this. But then as the deployment went on, I had to have hard conversations with myself because I still was able to do it. But at what level? I mean, I rolled my ankle so badly that's. It's the bane of my existence is the stability of my ankle, my left foot. I rolled it so badly doing basically a long walk towards an objective twice that I almost had to call a helicopter in to medevac myself. And so, you know, it's a tough conversation when you realize you might be the physical limitation and, you know, liability for the element that you are with. And nobody wants to be in that spot to include myself. So I knew, I knew at the end of that deployment that that was going to be the last hurrah for sure.

[A]

One of the parts of your story that I, it was both heartbreaking but inspiring to read about is a mentor of yours, and that's Dave Hall. You learned some valuable lessons about leadership and responsibility from him, especially right after you earned your SEAL Trident. Can you, can you tell me more about some of the things you learned from Dave hall as well as some of the heartbreaking parts of that story?

[B]

Yeah, Yesterday it would have been his 53rd birthday. Wow. Been gone for five years. Yeah, I learned how to be a steel from Dave. I mean, you can have the qualification on paper. You can go get the, you know, you can order on Amazon if you want to. A Navy SEAL Trident. And for those of you listening, go for it. I wouldn't wear it out in town and I wouldn't take a lot of pictures with it, but if you'd like one, they're available. Why? I don't know. But you know that that information is a gift. Do with it what you want. So you can have the pin and they can change your designator inside of the Navy system But it'd be the same as a lawyer that's right out of law school, that has never walked into a courtroom. Just because you get through law school doesn't mean you know how to do that. And it's the same thing in the SEAL community. Yeah, I understood I could rotely repeat a tactic, but I didn't know why we did it. I could tell you what we should do in this situation, but not necessarily why. And there is a huge gap between the book knowledge and the street smarts being really operationally effective. And mentorship is, in my opinion, the most effective leadership tool, especially if your organization cares about its future. And that's specifically what we use inside of the SEAL community. I get very lucky with Dave and, and I just happened to be assigned to the same team and the same platoon as him. And he was a sniper, he was a point man, he was a calm guy. He was a military free fall jump master, a static line jump master, I mean all of it. And just a student of war in and of itself, tactics, US history. It was just awesome. And so I was oftentimes attached with working with him. And he would just give me just the perfect amount of rope to hang myself to do something stupid. And then maybe he would help me get it around my neck just a little bit, you know, and then I, I would, I would fall short. He would crush me and then show me what to do or how, you know, not do it for me, but sit there and facilitate the things that I needed to do to fill you the gap in knowledge or technology or whatever it may be. And he did that across such a broad spectrum of things he met. Not only did he meet the standard, he exceeded the standard in every measurable metric. He held himself to a higher standard than he held other people to which unfortunately, you know, not to be a downer, but for the audience. I no longer have access to Dave because he killed himself five years ago. And one of the reasons I feel like I'm speaking for him a little bit based on some of the information that he left behind, is that he couldn't hold himself to the same standard anymore. And it destroyed him. But I don't think he realized how many people he had touched in such an impactful way inside and outside of that community.

[A]

I appreciate you sharing high standards. You've lived around high standards. You are a high standards guy. We open talking about what you allow, you know, in your presence, your standard. I'm deeply attracted to people with really, really high standards. But we're seeing here There is potential downsides to that as well. And I'm sure again, Dave's story has a lot more that I don't know about. But what do you think about living with these really, really high standards? And both the good parts about that as well as the potentially devastating parts of that?

[B]

I think it's like a finely sharpened blade they can cut in both directions. Standards are great. I mean, having you could just look at examples of people that seemingly have none. Their life takes a very different course and trajectory than those that I think you and I would look at and say, you know what, that's a high standard individual and man. The story of their life and the things they have accomplished are very, very different. I think you have to be realistic, though. Not everything in life is life and death. Actually, most things aren't. But if your standards and metrics are formed in that environment, it's very possible that they can become the goalposts for your life. You know, one thing about Dave and I always talk about this when I talk about his passing. He had a substance abuse issue. He really had a problem with alcohol and that tied into it as well. I didn't see the toxicology, but I know that when he was found that he was surrounded by cans and bottles. So I'm going to make the assumption that he wasn't sober when he made that decision. But for somebody who is, their entire identity is defined by the rigidity of their standards. And you have no grace for yourself or no ability to reach out to others and ask for help, or a very limited ability largely because you think. And these were self imposed feelings of embarrassment or shame or feeling like nobody else would understand or you're the only person experiencing these. These lies we tell ourselves are so, so dangerous. And I write about it in the book. I'm at a place in my life where I love people having incredibly high standards. But I would rather see you fall a little bit short of your lifelong goal or a little bit short of your standard and be an enriched and unfulfilled and a happy person as opposed to achieving that one thing that you have defined your life by. And then you have nothing. Because I bet both you and I know people who are like that. They have all the money in the world and they have nobody around them. They're isolated. And I can't imagine a worse feeling than that. Not everything is worth your life. Not everything is worth putting your life on the line for. Have some room and space for grace for yourself. Now that is not an excuse to let Yourself slide. I'm just saying be reasonable.

[A]

Have you dealt with similar thoughts? Have you had to work through some of the. The PTSD stuff? Like how have you managed through all of that? Because I know, unfortunately, this is becoming so common in people who have seen what you've seen and done what you've done. And again, American heroes who have defended our country and taken the fight to others. Stuff that most of us have not done. How have you personally managed that?

[B]

I mean, well, first, post traumatic stress is certainly real, and it gets real dangerous when people get into the realm of competitive suffering, which is not what I'm saying you're doing, but you sometimes see it. Oh, you. You're dealing with that. Well, check this out. This is what I'm dealing with. You know, trauma doesn't have to destroy you. To me, post traumatic stress disorder is one thing. I like to focus on post traumatic growth. I think that trauma, if you take the time and energy to work your way through it, which is not to say that it's going to be easy, can turn you into a better version of yourself. I think I am a better person than I was before my military service and experiences because of them. And the suicide statistics, they don't lie. But one thing that is often left out in that conversation is how much trauma some people are bringing into the career before they layer on the things that are associated with that career. I can again speak to Dave. Dave as an example. He came from a pretty rough upbringing. He had a few sea bags of trauma that I'm not so sure he dealt with before he came into that career. So, yes, it's real. But trauma can also be compounding over a lifetime. And to only focus on the suicides after military service and to say the causation of that is directly related to their trauma in the military, I don't think that's actually very accurate. It could be corollary, but I don't think it's causal. I think we have to spend a lot of time looking at what people bring into it as well. It's a very difficult, very nuanced conversation. I try to be open, honest, reflective about my experiences. I'll tell people where I fell short, the mistakes that I've made. I talk openly about leveraging counselors and therapists many times for years throughout my life. I'm not an expert at the geometry of what goes on and why the brain works. It does between my ears. I'm an expert in my experiences, but. But I don't necessarily understand how they interact with each other and ways to deal with that. And because there are occupations of people who specialize in exactly that. Just like I don't know how to fix my car or truck, so when it breaks, I'm not getting under the hood. Nobody wants that. Because then I'm just going to need a tow truck. Hopefully I can get it to the specialist, you know?

[A]

Yeah. One of the things you write about is the difference between motivation and discipline. Part of your motivation at times has been a desire to prove people wrong or doubters wrong.

[B]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, that's true. For you to. Come on now, it's almost true for everybody. What do you.

[A]

Why, why do you. You really think, like, okay, let me, let me lay something out for you. I'm glad you did this. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of the stories I like to tell myself, and I want it to be true, but maybe it's not fully true, but I want it to be true. So I keep saying it is. I prefer to prove my supporters right, the people that love me, my parents, my brothers, my wife, my kids, my friends, teammates. I want to prove them right. That feels good. That feels great. Because when it goes well, then we celebrate together. When I prove doubters wrong, I'm by myself. The doubters are nowhere to be found. So it's not as fun because what do we do then? So that's like the story I tried to tell myself because I feel like it's more optimistic, it's more fun. I don't know, like, when I say all that, what do you think?

[B]

I think that's totally true, but I think I, I would bet I'm not a huge better, but I would bet like a dollar that in the right circumstance, if somebody said to you, hey, Ryan, there's no way you'd be able to do that, you're like, really? I'm just saying motivation can come from a variety of places. Some people are more wired. I'll give you an example.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have two boys and a girl.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I can use a little bit more of that. I don't know, man. You think you're ready for that? Do you think you have the skills needed? Should we practice? Are you sure you just want to give it a. I can use that with my boys. I can't with my daughter. She shuts down. And that's just because some people work better off of positive affirmation. Others can work better off of Neo Negative feedback for me, you know, again, coming from where I came from. And my friends are like, you're weird. And there's no way you're going to make it because I didn't know much about the seal community, but I know that almost nobody made it because those stats were out there for me to find. And my friends are like, yeah, I don't know, buddy. Hope you have a good plan B. That's just a log on the fire. You know, I never said anything, but I was like, okay, roger that. I'm not saying it's my sole motivation, but for me, I'm like, okay, we'll see.

[A]

Just kind of. You just kind of stack that chip.

[B]

No, it's just. It says it's not like it's something that I carry for a long time, but it might get me through the next week of hitting the gym when I don't want to, you know? Yeah, you can find motivation everywhere.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. What's the difference between motivation and discipline?

[B]

I mean, the biggest one is you can outsource motivation, discipline. You can't. The Internet is the worst, best thing we've ever created as humans. It allows you and I to talk like this, separated by both time and space. And also it allows us to be connected, or the great. I was going to say be connected to the rest of the world. But what it actually does is give the rest of the world access to us. And there's some really gnarly, hurt, broken people out there. And they oftentimes say really gnarly, hurtful, broken things. And you have to be careful. Right? You have to manage that. But if I'm having a day where I don't really feel like doing much, one of the benefits, we'll just say at the social media ecosystem is I can find somebody out there kicking ass and look for something that might motivate me to bridge that gap. Right? So to me, motivation is much more like the tide. It comes in and it goes out. And I think everybody is like that. You catch me on a high motivation day standby, I'm going to be able to do a bunch of stuff. Catch me on a low motivation day. I might be sleeping in a little bit. Might be supplementing with Doritos instead of creatine in the morning. You know, it's hard to say how bad it's going to go. You know, the orange fingers just. We've all been there. Discipline is doing the things that you need to do, regardless of the motivation level that you have. It is the path towards your goal and you have to take the next step. And it sucks. But the beauty is it builds with momentum. And what do they say for a habit? It's 21 days of ingrained behavior, Something like that. And that's the momentum that builds with that. I mean, a dietary shift or a new workout protocol, or say you're a psychopath and you want to wake up at five in the morning and cold plunge, well, day one probably gonna suck. And if it's the cold plunge early wake up, I'm just gonna say that's gonna suck at day 500. But whatever. You'll probably physiologically or psychologically be more adapted to it as you get going. But the first few days are difficult. But if you can stay on that, the momentum builds. And then if you have some momentum going, your motivation is probably going to tend to be higher because you're seeing the fruits of your labor. And it can all kind of cycle and build. But they're very, very different things. One is outsourceable, the other isn't.

[A]

What do you do to somebody? Let's say they're not as disciplined as you. If they're honest enough with themselves, they can say they're hitting the snooze button too much or they're not doing the things that they know they need to do. It's a discipline problem, a discipline issue. What are ways to help somebody become more disciplined?

[B]

I'd say win small battles as opposed to trying to win the war in one fell swoop. If you really want to set yourself up for failure, let's say somebody can identify 12 or 10 things. The snooze button, the diet, they're not working out enough. If you try to overnight attack those 12 things, there are certainly examples of people that have been able to do that, but I'd say they're largely anomalous, and I don't know how well that scales. What you can find, though, is let's say maybe pick one for a week and start to make a positive improvement there. So I would say micro battles leading to the victory. At a strategic level, you're going to win the war via the micro battles as opposed to trying to just nuke everything overnight and just drastically change who you are. The success rate, man, they're drastically different. Small battles, yeah.

[A]

Stack days, right. The power of compounding is real. It just takes time, and you got to be consistent. I read a. You're at a speaking event and you asked the room, you know, who here is a leader? And only by the way, I read, if this isn't true, just tell me. I read on the Internet. Yeah, speaking of it, you asked the room, who here is a leader? And only half of the hands in the room went up. And you said, well, that's a problem. Can you tell me more about why it's a problem that only half of the hands in the room went up?

[B]

At a baseline level, if you don't at least think of yourself as a leader, you are never going to step into a leadership void because you are telling yourself that you are not the person. You are not qualified, you're not capable. I asked this question yesterday. It's uncommon to get half of a crowd to raise their hand. Yesterday it was about two thirds, but a third of the people didn't raise their hand at this point. Now, I've canvassed the audiences enough and there are largely the same answers. I'm the newest person. I don't have enough experience. I don't have the job title associated with what I would consider to be a leadership role. I don't have the office, the parking space, fill in the blank. And then there's the other category, and that's the person that is, regardless of what you ask them, they're not going to participate in the evolution. So they just don't like raising their hand. So we have to pull them out. They're in every audience too. You can say, hey, do you like breathing air? And they're just like, oh, so okay, you don't want to participate. I respect it. So we're just going to skip because you are. Now I have to take you out of the data set pool. But most of the time, that's what it is. It's time on the job. We'll call it rank, title, position. The things that people believe are the metrics of leadership. And they're not. They're not at all. And to me, I try to view leadership much more like the process that you go through to get your driver's license. You find a mentor. They really crawl, walk, run. They explain the vehicle, the switches, the gauges, the pedals, all this stuff. Probably for most people, a parking lot, then a country road, then a city road, Then eventually, right before you test, you're on the highway for the first time thinking you're driving at a speed that the Millennium Falcon goes. And then, you know, 10 days after your license, you're like, why would anybody ever drive that slow? Point being, you don't just show up at the DMV and say, hey, I'm kind of a game time player. I've never been in a car, but I'm ready for the test. But people Treat leadership like that. They start thinking about themselves as a leader after they get the job or after they get the title. And that's going to give you the same result as going up to the DMV window and challenging the test without having prepared yourself and knowing how to drive a car. If you extend the timeline long enough, you're going to fail. But you don't have to. Every interaction that you have is an opportunity to practice the leadership characteristics that you want to have when you achieve that role. But that will never happen if you can't at least raise your hand and say, I consider myself to be a leader. That's the easy part. The hard part is now act as if and start practicing all day, every day.

[A]

What are ways you can practice?

[B]

I mean, you don't even have to be of. In an organization. I would say interpersonal skills. Are you clear and concise? Can you maintain control of your emotions and talk objectively instead of emotionally? Can you recognize when the emotions are getting maybe perhaps the best of you and you need to take a step back? Do your speech and actions align? I mean, every interaction you have with somebody is either going to be a micro deposit or a micro withdrawal of leadership capital. And you get to decide in every single one. And once you view it like that, man. And again, it gets tough. And I'm not saying that. I am saying that every interaction that you have with another human being is a chance to practice this. Don't be a psychopath again. You know what I mean? You literally don't have to walk around 100% of every day. But keep this in the back of your mind. If you want to grow into the leader that you want to be, you have to get the reps in. And so those opportunities exist with parenting as well, too. I mean, there's no more important leadership role than being a parent. How do you talk with your kids? Do you tell your kids to do something that you're unwilling to do yourself? I mean, that's one of the fastest ways to lose leadership capital. Are you setting the example? All of these things, they're just. They're out there and they're so voluminous and they're so easy. But not if you are unwilling to at least consider yourself as a leader. And that's why that question's so important. Yeah.

[A]

Even for, like, the person is their first day at work and you're like, I'm not experienced enough. I don't have the title. I'm brand new. I'm an intern, Whatever. I always Tell them, go look around. Be really, really curious. I promise you, there are problems, there are issues, there are fires out there. Run towards those things. Raise your hand. Maybe develop a coalition if you need to get the people and solve those problems, or at least attempt. That's leadership. That's being a leader. You don't need a title. You have to. I think the willingness to go after the hard thing, learn and iterate and try to solve those things, that's what leaders do.

[B]

They have to be empowered to think that way, though. You would think you would be intrinsic, but it's not. And if you are in a leadership role. And so for the people who do raise their hand, which again, two thirds did yesterday, I usually follow up with, are you on a team or are you in a leadership role? Or do you have a team of people that works forward with you? And most of the time they say yes. I'm like, okay. And I go right to what you were just talking about. I said, okay, the newest hire in your office probably isn't in this room, but if they were, how would they respond if they were asked that question and if they wouldn't raise their hand? This is your opportunity to hold yourself accountable to the junior personnel, to empower them with the knowledge and headspace that you expect them to act like that and their trajectory will just absolutely take off. And the impact on the business is very real, regardless of what your business is.

[A]

You talk about making an audible. You said the original idea for this book didn't. I think this is. The acknowledgments didn't pan out. And as with most things in my life, I made an audible and submitted what I'd written for feedback to determine if there was any value in continuing on my own. Tell me more about that part of the book writing process.

[B]

I got tricked into writing it, so a buddy of mine. I legitimately. I got tricked into writing this book. A buddy of mine named Mike Glover, who was a Green Beret, who has a couple books, he came to me with the idea of let's write a combined book. Like, we'll just do Army, Navy. We'll pick some topics, and then what we'll do is we can talk about them from our experiences and kind of combine the two. So maybe it'll be bold and italic. We'll figure out a way that people can tell whose voice is whatever. And we set a target date that we were going to come and have some test chapters, and that date showed up and only one of us had written anything. So like, hey man, wtf? And he was just laughing. He's like, yeah, I didn't write anything. But he had found a guy who specializes in creating book pitches, which I'm thankful that these people exist because I don't have this level of creativity. He said, send it to the guy and see what he puts together. He put together a really cool pitch deck that was very visual in nature and laid out exactly kind of what I wanted the book to be. And then he had found a book agent which we gave that pitch deck to the agent. And then when I eventually published with St. Martin's Press, but it wasn't my idea. The original idea was going to be a co author book with my buddy who literally just showed up and hadn't done the work.

[A]

Well, part of your story and why I really wanted to talk to you is so I get sent a book scan numbers every week and all of a sudden I see this drown proofing book show up at the top of the list. I'm like, who's this guy? Like, what is this thing? And then I look and I see this quote. Okay, I want you to respond to this, which I'm sure you've been asked about a lot, but it's one of the best quotes ever. If the world went completely sideways from a zombie virus outbreak, Indiesop would be my top draft pick. That's Joe Rogan. What?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How did you get that? That's the best blurb I've ever seen.

[B]

So I'm very fortunate to have known Joe for about 10 years. I consider him to be a personal friend. Then I asked him if he would write a blurb for the book. That is two sentences pulled out of three incredibly personal, generous paragraphs.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

What he wrote was unbelievable. And it would have been the entire front cover. There would have been no pictures. It just would have been. Which I don't think that sells. I don't know though. So they pulled out just one section. I mean, here's the thing with Joe though. If anybody's ever watched his show, I've been on his show a bunch of times at this point, I don't know if we're going to talk about dinosaurs, aliens or politics. You never know what you're going to get from the guy and you might be talking about politics and then he'll bring up dinosaurs that are smoking dmt and you're like, okay, this is your show, so we're going to talk about whatever you want to. I don't know what he means by that. I mean, I Would like to believe that. What he means is I'm a high agency person. In his mind, if something goes wrong, I'm not going to be the phone call that he makes, which I can appreciate that. But also, he's crazy. So who knows what he meant by that.

[A]

It's so good. It's so good.

[B]

I'm glad you.

[A]

I mean, it makes sense. It's unique. Yeah, it is. And I saw that. I said, what? This is just. This is amazing. I love it. I love it. I am curious. You have just a couple more questions. One of them is, so you've been around the highest performers in the world. You've worked alongside them. You are one of them. You interview them, you talk to them, right? I'm curious, from your perspective, when you think about the leaders who have sustained excellence over an extended period of time, what are some of the few things that they have in common?

[B]

I would say writ large, Mastery of the basics. They make no attempt to be flashy. They make no attempt to gain 50 yards at a time. They'll do 1 yard 50 times in a row. Now, don't get me wrong, if they see an opportunity and they do the proper risk analysis and assessment and they look at the residual risk associated and their man trained and equipped for it with the team that they have, they'll go big for sure. But if the plan's not working out, they'll take that one yard time and time and time again. They're very reflective in nature. I would say they have an equal mix of high IQ and high eq, which I don't think is present in everyone. And that's okay. People are just different. And then it's so fascinating to hear people argue we're all the same. It's like we're not all the same. I'm sorry. We have different psychological and physiological abilities. You can always improve on what you have. But we can't sit here and say we all come out of the box the same. We just don't. Those leaders, they are consistent time and time and time again.

[A]

Let's end personal. So go with me on this question, okay? It's called the champagne question. It's one year from today. Okay? One year exactly. And you are surrounded by the people you love. And you guys are popping bottles. You're celebrating like crazy. What are you celebrating?

[B]

Being there with them. That's all that matters.

[A]

Family.

[B]

I mean, I'd give people the choice. Would you rather have all the things that you think you want in life and be able to enjoy them? By yourself and take none of them with you, or would you rather be surrounded by people who truly love you for who you are, not who you're trying to portray yourself to be, and be able to spend time and celebrate with them? I'm taking the latter every time.

[A]

Your dedication was to your kids and then to your wife, Leah, you wrote to her, thank you for seeing something in me when I was in my lowest moments. What did she see in you?

[B]

You'd have to ask her that. And she may have changed her mind now that we've been married for almost five years. So we're not going to ask her that question because we're terrified combined of her answer, potentially. You dedicated the book to her. I did. I knew her before my divorce to the mother of my children. But I got to know her probably in the middle of that process where I was questioning myself more than I ever had in my life. I never did anything in the military that made me question who I was as a man, or my value as a man, or whether or not I was a good enough man to be a father to my children, let alone a partner for anybody else. That's the period in time where her and I actually connected. And to this day, I don't know what she saw in me, but I'm thankful that she saw something.

[A]

Why were you questioning yourself so much?

[B]

I went through a two year, very contentious divorce during COVID so there was a lot of isolation for my kids specifically. Uh, I'm always very broad about talking about the divorce because I have a platform that is much larger size, scope, and scale than my ex wife. And so I leave it at that. And I respect the fact that there is a difference there. So it's just, I could talk about basics but never specifics. It was a soul shattering experience. For anybody who's been through a divorce that's contentious like that, you're going to get reduced down to a number on an Excel spreadsheet, and then people are going to argue about that number, what you're worth, what you deserve. God, it's soul crushing. It's just the worst.

[A]

Well, I appreciate you being as open as you can about that and sharing so much, man. And I appreciate you. Above anything else, obviously, is the fact that you've decided to dedicate so many years of your life to serving our country. I'm beyond grateful. Thank you. I'm so grateful that people like you exist that go out there on offense and protect us. So thank you for that very, very much. And thank you for writing this book, Drown Proof eight life lessons to keep your head above water. It's really good. I'm glad you got tricked into doing it. I'm not surprised. It sold so well and it's continuing to sell well. And New York Times, all the list. You did it all, man. That's. That's.

[B]

Now I tell Mike, I'm like, hey, buddy. Could have been part of a New York Times bestseller. Should have done our homework, huh?

[A]

Yeah. Now the publishers are coming back to you for book two already, I'm sure. And it's all they did.

[B]

And I said no. I was like, no.

[A]

Are you going to do another one?

[B]

No. I said no immediately to my agent. I mean, full disclosure, if your first book does well, your agent and their job is going to be to try to get you the largest advance humanly possible on your second book. Like, this is pulling the curtain back for people a little bit. Yeah. There is money in writing books, but I tell you what, it's far less than I think most people think. Unless you're like the Mel Robbins, Jocko Williams, there's millions to be made there. But you see the sales numbers the books sell to make the New York Times list, far fewer than most people would estimate. You can make money. I'm not saying you can't. If you hit the New York Times list, let me tell you, your. Your phone's going to be ringing from your agent, and they're going to say, let's go ahead and pitch your second one. This is the potential advance that I can get you. And I just said, no, because I'm not writing anything else unless I want to, regardless if there's money associated with it or not. And when she was asking me what I wanted to write, I said, I have no idea, because this is two days after the book came out. So we take it easy for a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. You're still the boxer who just went 15 rounds. You need a little bit of time. You need a little bit of time.

[B]

Yeah, give me, like, let me go take this thing for a walk for a little bit. Jeez. You know?

[A]

Yes. Well, I'm grateful you wrote this one. I'm looking forward to the next one. It might take a while, but that's okay. And, Andy, I would. I would love to continue our dialogue as we both progress, man. Please, yeah.

[B]

Be great.

[A]

It is the end of the podcast club. Thank you for being a member of the end of the podcast club. If you are, send me a note. Ryan, learningleader.com let me know what you learned. From this great conversation with Andy Stumpf. A few takeaways from my notes. What you allow in your presence is your standard. I love Andy's core mantra. What you allow in your presence is your standard. And then high standards are like a quote. Finely sharpened blade. It can cut in both directions. The same trait that makes someone exceptional can also destroy them. We need to think about that. Andy talked about post Dramatic growth, his reframe of post Traumatic Stress, the emphasis on what you build from hard experiences, not just what they cost you. And how about the difference between motivation and discipline? Motivation can be outsourced, discipline cannot. I think it's useful to think about how those are different and how we could become a more disciplined person that comes from us internally and then win small battles. His philosophy on building discipline incrementally rather than overhauling everything at once. Let's win one small battle today. What could that be for you then? How about SEALs versus Team Guys? Individual achievement versus mission and collective success. Getting the objective done As a team, we want to hire and work with team players more so than the individuals. Once again, I want to say thank you so much for continuing to spread the message and being a team player and telling a friend or two, hey, you should listen to this episode of the Learning Leader show with Andy Stumpf. I think he'll help you become a more effective leader because you continue to do that. And you also go to Spotify and Apple podcasts and you rate the show, hopefully five stars. You subscribe to it, you write a thoughtful review. By doing all of that, you are continually giving me the opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis. And for that I will forever be grateful. Thank you so, so much. Talk to you soon. Can't wait.