S2 EP8 | How to Make Comparison Your Teacher | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | The Messy Podcast

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | Episode S2 EP8 – "How to Make Comparison Your Teacher"

Introduction In Season 2, Episode 8 of The Messy Podcast, titled "How to Make Comparison Your Teacher," the hosts delve into Mel Robbins' insightful book, The Let Them Theory. This episode explores the intricate dynamics of comparison, setting boundaries, and harnessing others' successes to fuel personal growth. Released on January 22, 2025, the episode provides listeners with transformative ideas to shift their perspectives and embrace a more empowered mindset.

Understanding the Pitfall of Comparison The episode opens with the hosts addressing the common struggle of chronic comparison and its detrimental effects, such as feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

A [00:00]: "Overcoming chronic comparison. How to make comparison your teacher?"

Redefining Comparison: From Self-Torture to Teacher The hosts introduce the concept of transforming comparison from a source of self-criticism into a constructive learning tool. They emphasize that comparison is a natural human instinct and advocate for a conscious shift in how we respond to it.

B [00:33]: "We can shift our perspective on comparison and use it as a tool for growth instead of letting it drag us down."

The Let Them Theory: Embracing Boundaries and Abundance Central to the discussion is The Let Them Theory, which revolves around releasing the need to control others' outcomes and adopting an abundance mindset. This approach encourages celebrating others' successes without feeling threatened, fostering a belief that there's enough success and happiness for everyone.

B [03:10]: "It's about releasing the need to control other people's outcomes, recognizing that someone else's success doesn't diminish our own potential."

Real-World Example: Molly's Transformation A compelling real-world example is shared about Molly, an interior designer who struggled with envy after witnessing a neighbor's sudden social media success. Initially filled with negative emotions, Molly undergoes a transformation by channeling her jealousy into actionable steps, such as hiring a social media manager and revamping her online presence. This pivot leads to her business thriving, illustrating how constructive comparison can drive success.

B [04:29]: "Molly realized that her anger wasn't directed at this other woman. It was directed at herself for not fully embracing social media as a marketing tool for her business."

Harnessing Jealousy as a Learning Tool The hosts explore jealousy as an often-overlooked emotion that can serve as a powerful indicator of unmet desires and aspirations. By decoding the messages behind feelings of jealousy, individuals can identify areas of their lives that require attention and take proactive steps toward their goals.

B [08:18]: "Jealousy is not the enemy. It's a messenger. And it's up to us to decode the message and take action."

Practical Steps to Make Comparison Constructive Listeners are guided through actionable strategies to transform negative comparisons into opportunities for growth:

1. Acknowledge and Honor Feelings: Recognize and sit with feelings of envy or jealousy without judgment.
2. Understand the Underlying Desires: Identify what those feelings reveal about personal aspirations and unmet needs.
3. Create a Roadmap for Action: Break down large goals into manageable steps, using the insights gained from comparison to guide actions.

B [09:11]: "It's like creating a roadmap for our dreams, identifying those milestones along the way that will ultimately lead us to our destination."

Personal Stories: Embracing the Mess and Trusting the Process The hosts share personal anecdotes to illustrate the power of embracing imperfections and trusting in the gradual process of growth. One host recounts a period of financial struggle and how witnessing a friend's home renovation sparked a deep sense of jealousy. This emotion became a catalyst for pursuing long-held ambitions, ultimately leading to professional fulfillment.

B [11:05]: "I realized that my jealousy wasn't actually about the house itself. It was about my own unfulfilled ambitions."

Setting Boundaries and Focusing on the Unique Journey A significant portion of the conversation centers on establishing boundaries to protect one's time, energy, and attention. By curating both internal and external environments, individuals can minimize unnecessary comparisons and focus on their unique paths.

A [14:33]: "Sometimes those boundaries need to be set around the very act of comparison itself. Being mindful of the content we consume, the people we surround ourselves with, and even the thoughts we allow to take up space in our minds."

Shifting to an Abundance Mindset The hosts emphasize the importance of moving from a scarcity mindset—where success is viewed as limited—to an abundance mindset, which posits that there's ample opportunity and happiness for everyone. This shift fosters genuine celebration of others' achievements and transforms competition into collaboration.

B [15:11]: "Believing that there's enough happiness and opportunity to go around for everyone is a game changer."

Conclusion: Embrace the Mess and Let Comparison Be Your Teacher As the episode wraps up, the hosts encapsulate the key takeaway: individuals are worthy and capable of creating the lives they desire. By shifting perspectives on comparison and embracing an abundance mindset, listeners are encouraged to view comparison as a tool for learning and growth rather than a source of self-doubt.

B [15:57]: "Comparison is a trap. It keeps us stuck in self doubt and insecurity. But when we break free, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities."

A [13:27]: "Remember, you are worthy, you are capable, and you have the power to create the life you desire."

Key Takeaways:

• Shift Your Perspective: Transform comparison from self-criticism to a learning tool.
• Adopt the Let Them Theory: Release control over others' successes and focus on your own journey.
• Embrace Abundance: Believe there's enough success and happiness for everyone.
• Set Boundaries: Protect your mental and emotional space to minimize negative comparisons.
• Utilize Jealousy Constructively: Decode jealousy to identify and pursue your true desires.
• Take Action: Use insights from comparison to create actionable steps toward personal growth.

Final Thoughts This episode of The Messy Podcast offers a comprehensive exploration of handling comparison healthily and productively. Through insightful discussions, real-life examples, and practical advice, listeners are empowered to turn comparison into a catalyst for personal and professional development.

For more resources and to continue your journey of self-discovery, visit themessypodcast.com.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Messy podcast. We're in the thick of season two, you know, you and the let them theory. And I'm so excited for this one. It's all about setting boundaries and finding peace with other people's choices so we can really focus on our own path. And today in episode eight, we're going to dive into something I know we've all wrestled with at some point. Overcoming chronic comparison. How to make comparison your teacher? I. I think we can all agree comparison often leaves us feeling, well, inadequate and frustrated. But what if I told you that we can actually make it work for us?

[B]

It's a fascinating concept, really. We can shift our perspective on comparison, you know, and use it as a tool for growth instead of letting it drag us down. We can learn from it.

[A]

Okay, so we're not talking about eliminating comparison altogether, then changing how we approach it?

[B]

Exactly. Comparison is a natural human instinct. But we have a choice in how we respond.

[A]

Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.

[B]

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[C]

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[A]

Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it.

[B]

Think about it. You see someone achieving something you admire, right? There's that initial pang of envy. If we unpack, it often points us towards something we desire for ourselves.

[A]

I'm with you. So it's like that feeling is actually giving us valuable information about our own aspirations. But how do we make that shift from self criticism to constructive action?

[B]

The key is to move from self torture comparison to teacher comparison.

[A]

I like where this is going.

[B]

With self torture, we get stuck focusing on our flaws and our shortcomings. It's that voice in our head saying, I'm not good enough. I'll never be as successful as them. And on and on.

[A]

Yeah, been there.

[B]

It can be so demotivating. But teacher comparison recognizes the aspects of someone else's success that we admire. And then we ask ourselves what can I learn from this? Could I potentially create something similar for myself? It's not about copying, but using their journey as inspiration and a roadmap.

[A]

I'm starting to see how the shift in perspective could be really empowering. But wouldn't that require a lot of self awareness to catch ourselves in those moments of negative comparison and consciously choose a different response?

[B]

Absolutely. It's a practice and it takes time and effort. But the more we cultivate that awareness, the more we can harness the power of comparison for our own growth.

[A]

This has already given me a lot to think about. Listeners. If you're enjoying this deep dive as much as I am, make sure you stick around. We'll be right back with more insights on how to make comparison. Your teacher.

[B]

I'm excited to dive in.

[A]

Me too. Okay, so we were just starting to unpack how to transform comparison from a source of frustration into a tool for growth.

[B]

And a critical element of this transformation is the concept of let them.

[A]

Let them. I've heard you mention this before, but I'm still a bit fuzzy on what it actually means.

[B]

In practice, it's about releasing the need to control other people's outcomes, recognizing that someone else's success doesn't diminish our own potential. It's about shifting from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, believing there's enough success, happiness, opportunity to go around.

[A]

So instead of feeling threatened by someone else's achievements, we can choose to celebrate them and allow their success to inspire us.

[B]

Exactly. There's this quote I love that really embodies this. No one else's wins. Are your losses powerful?

[A]

It's so easy to get caught up in that feeling of competition, especially today. We're constantly bombarded with images of other people's seemingly perfect lives.

[B]

Right. And social media can really amplify those feelings of comparison. But letthem recognizes that those curated snapshots don't tell the whole story. Everyone has their own journey, their own struggles and triumphs.

[A]

So it's about focusing on our own lane, running our own race, and letting go of the need to compare ourselves to others.

[B]

Precisely. It's not about ignoring or suppressing those feelings of comparison when they arise. It's about acknowledging them, understanding the underlying desire they're pointing to, and then channeling that energy into our own goals.

[A]

Turning those initially negative feelings into fuel.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I think you have a great real world example that illustrates this concept beautifully. Right?

[B]

I do. Let me tell you about Molly. She's a talented interior designer, and she was struggling with Comparison. After witnessing someone in her neighborhood gain success on social media, this person, no prior design experience, was suddenly getting tons of attention and projects and. Well, this triggered a lot of negative feelings for Molly.

[A]

I bet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Watching someone else seemingly achieve overnight success in a field you've been working in for years.

[B]

Exactly. And it's important to acknowledge that her feelings were valid. When she came to me, she was feeling a lot of anger, resentment, even despair.

[A]

So how did you help her move past those negative emotions? Hang tight. We'll be back right after this short break.

[B]

See you in a sec.

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[A]

Edu thanks for waiting. Let's pick up where we left off and start using comparison.

[B]

As a teacher, we had to unpack the root of her frustration. What was it about this woman's success that was triggering her so deeply? The recognition? The financial rewards? Creative freedom?

[A]

You were helping her shift from that initial self torture comparison to a more constructive perspective.

[B]

Right? As we dug deeper, Molly realized that her anger wasn't directed at this other woman. It was directed at herself for not fully embracing social media as a marketing tool for her business.

[A]

It's so common. We often project our frustrations onto others, but the real source of our pain is often our own inaction or self doubt.

[B]

Yes, you're absolutely right. And for Molly, this realization was a breakthrough. Instead of wallowing in envy, she decided to channel that energy into action.

[A]

She used that initial self torture comparison as fuel.

[B]

Precisely. She hired a social media manager, revamped her website, started creating engaging content that showcased her unique design aesthetic. And you know what? It worked.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

Her business started to thrive.

[A]

This is A great example of how comparison, when approached constructively, can be a catalyst for growth and success.

[B]

It absolutely can. And it all starts with shifting our perspective, Right. Recognizing that someone else's wins don't have to be our losses.

[A]

We could all use a little more of that abundance mindset. It's so easy to get caught up in that feeling of scarcity, like there's only a limited amount of success to go around.

[B]

It's true. But the reality is there's enough for everyone. And when we embrace that belief, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities.

[A]

I'm loving this conversation. So, before we move on to talk about jealousy as a teacher.

[B]

Ooh, yes.

[A]

Let's take a quick break. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with more on overcoming chronic comparison. Welcome back to the Deep Dive. We were talking about how to shift our perspective on comparison and use it as fuel for growth, and I think it's time to talk about how jealousy can actually be a powerful teacher.

[B]

Right? Absolutely. We often view jealousy as a negative emotion, something to be ashamed of or suppressed. But what if we reframed it as a valuable source of information?

[A]

Okay, I'm intrigued. Tell me more.

[B]

Think about it. When we feel jealous of someone, it's usually because they're embodying a quality or achieving something that we secretly desire for ourselves. That pang of envy is like a message from our future selves, highlighting an area of our lives that needs attention.

[A]

So instead of letting jealousy consume us, we can use it as a compass, guiding us toward what we truly want.

[B]

Exactly. It's about asking ourselves, what is it about this person's success that's triggering me what unmet need or unfulfilled desire is? Is this feeling bringing to the surface?

[A]

I can see how that shift in perspective could be really transformative. It's like turning that negative energy into fuel for positive change.

[B]

Precisely. It's about recognizing that jealousy is not the enemy. It's a messenger. And it's up to us to decode the message and take action.

[A]

So how do we actually do that? How do we translate those feelings of jealousy into concrete steps towards achieving our goals?

[B]

Well, first, it's important to acknowledge and honor those feelings. Don't try to suppress them or pretend they don't exist. Instead, sit with them, explore them, and try to understand what they're trying to tell you.

[A]

It's about getting curious about those emotions rather than judging ourselves for experiencing them.

[B]

Exactly. And then we can start to break down those big, overwhelming desires into smaller, more manageable steps? What actions can you take today to move closer to that vision?

[A]

It's like creating a roadmap for our dreams, identifying those milestones along the way that will ultimately lead us to our destination. Hang tight. We'll be back right after this short break.

[B]

See you in a sec.

[C]

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[A]

Thanks for waiting. Let's pick up where we left off.

[B]

And remember, success is a journey, not a destination. It's about putting in the work consistently, day after day, even when it feels challenging or uncomfortable.

[A]

This is such a good point. We often get so focused on the end goal that we forget to appreciate the process. The small wins along the way.

[B]

Exactly. And it's in those small wins, in the consistent effort, that we build momentum and cultivate the skills and resilience we need to achieve lasting success.

[A]

I know you have a personal story that illustrates this concept beautifully.

[B]

I do. You know, before I built the career I have today, my husband and I went through a period of financial struggle. It was a tough time, and I found myself constantly comparing our situation to others who seemed to be thriving.

[A]

That's so relatable. It's easy to get caught up in those comparisons, especially when it comes to finances.

[B]

It was definitely a trigger for me. I remember one particular instance where a close friend was doing a major home renovation, and every time I visited her, I would feel this overwhelming sense of jealousy and discouragement.

[A]

I can imagine seeing someone else achieve something we desire can be a painful reminder of our own perceived shortcomings.

[B]

It was for me. But as I sat with those feelings and really explored them, I realized that my jealousy wasn't actually about the house itself itself. It was about something much deeper.

[A]

What was it about then?

[B]

It was about my own unfulfilled ambitions. I had always dreamed of building a successful career, of using my talents to make a positive impact in the world. But somewhere along the way, I had given up on those dreams and settled for a life that felt safe and comfortable.

[A]

So your friend's renovation was like a mirror reflecting back to you those dormant desires and reminding you of what you had let go of?

[B]

Exactly. And it was a Painful realization, but it was also a necessary one. It was the wake up call I needed to start taking responsibility for my own happiness and fulfillment.

[A]

It's like that quote, the truth is your life is your responsibility. Yeah, we can't blame others for our own lack of fulfillment. We have the power to create the life we desire.

[B]

That's so true. And for me, that realization was a turning point. I started small, taking online courses, attending workshops, and connecting with people in my field. I was determined to put in the reps, as they say. And gradually I started to see progress.

[A]

It's amazing how those small, consistent efforts can lead to such significant results over time.

[B]

It really is. And it's not about being perfect or having all the answers. It's about showing up consistently, even when it's hard, and trusting that those small steps will eventually lead us to where we want to be.

[A]

That's so true. And I think that's a perfect message to leave our listeners with. To embrace the mess, to trust the process, and to know that they are capable of creating a life that feels truly aligned with their heart and soul.

[B]

Beautifully said and I couldn't agree more. So on that note, I want to thank our amazing guest for sharing their wisdom and insights with us today. It's been an honor to have you on the Messy podcast.

[A]

Thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure to be here. And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in. We hope you enjoyed this deep dive into overcoming chronic comparison. Remember, you are worthy, you are capable, and you have the power to create the life you desire.

[B]

And if you're feeling inspired to continue this journey of self discovery and growth, we encourage you to visit themessypodcast.com where you can find more resources, connect with our community, and explore a wealth of content on personal development, relationships, and living a more fulfilling life.

[A]

We're here to support you every step of the way. Until next time, remember to embrace the mess and let comparison be your teacher. We're taking a short pause. Don't go anywhere.

[B]

All right, we're back.

[A]

Let's keep the good stuff coming. You know, as we've been talking about comparison and how to use it as a tool for growth, something that keeps coming up for me is the importance of focusing on our own unique journey.

[B]

Oh, absolutely. It's so easy to get caught up comparing ourselves to others and we can totally lose sight of what really matters, you know, what makes us come alive.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And I think that's where setting boundaries comes in. It's about protecting our Time and energy and attention so we can focus on nurturing our own path.

[B]

Boundaries are essential. They create a sense of space and clarity. You know, they help us define what we will and won't tolerate, what aligns with our values and what just drains us.

[A]

Right. And sometimes those boundaries need to be set around the very act of comparison itself. You know, being mindful of the content we consume, the people we surround ourselves with, and even the thoughts we allow to take up space in our minds.

[B]

Absolutely. It's about curating our environment, both internal and external, to support our well being. You know, that might mean unfollowing certain accounts on social media, limiting our exposure to negative news, or just choosing to spend more time in nature or engaging in activities that bring us joy.

[A]

Being intentional with our energy and our attention. You know, something that really struck me earlier was when you talked about that shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's huge. Believing that there's enough happiness and opportunity to go around for everyone is a game changer.

[A]

Yeah. Releasing that fear of missing out or that sense that someone else's gain is our loss.

[B]

Exactly. When we embrace an abundance mindset, we can genuinely celebrate other people's successes without feeling threatened or diminished. We can see their achievements as inspiration, proof that what they've accomplished is possible.

[A]

I love that. Shifting from competition to collaboration, from envy to inspiration.

[B]

And when we make that shift, comparison loses its power. It becomes an opportunity for learning, connection, and growth.

[A]

This has been such an incredibly rich conversation. As we wrap up this deep dive into overcoming chronic comparison, is there one final thought you want to leave our listeners with?

[B]

I want to remind everyone they are worthy, they're capable, and they're deserving of all the good things life has to offer. Comparison is a trap. It keeps us stuck in self doubt and insecurity. But when we break free, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities.

[A]

Beautifully said. And for those who want to explore this topic further, you can visit themessypodcast.com to become a member and support our work. You can also check out other deep dives we've done on top books, Netflix series, and aspiring biographies.

[B]

Thanks for having me. It's been a pleasure.

[A]

It's been an honor to have you. And to our listeners, thank you for joining us on the Messy podcast. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. We're all on this together, figuring things out as we go. Until next time, embrace the mess and let comparison be your teacher.