S3 EP7 | How to Provide Support the Right Way | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | The Messy Podcast

Summary

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | The Messy Podcast Episode: Season 3, Episode 7 – How to Provide Support the Right Way Release Date: January 28, 2025

The Messy Podcast delves deep into Mel Robbins' transformative book, The Let Them Theory, exploring its profound insights on control, perspective, and the delicate balance between supporting and enabling loved ones. In Season 3, Episode 7, titled "How to Provide Support the Right Way," the hosts engage in an enlightening discussion about the nuances of offering meaningful support without inadvertently hindering personal growth.

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Introduction

The episode kicks off with Host 1 and Host 2 welcoming listeners to another deep dive into the themes of The Let Them Theory. They set the stage by highlighting the episode's focus: how to provide support effectively to someone going through a tough time without crossing into enabling behavior.

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Understanding the Let Them Theory

The hosts introduce the core premise of The Let Them Theory, which challenges the traditional instinct to rescue loved ones by providing immediate solutions. Instead, the book posits that sometimes the most supportive action is to step back and allow individuals to face their challenges head-on.

Host 1 [01:03]: "Our instinct is to just jump in and offer solutions and maybe even try to fix things for them."

Host 2 [02:07]: "It's about shifting from a rescuer role to a supportive one."

This approach emphasizes that constant rescuing can turn into enabling, preventing individuals from reaching what Robbins terms "rock bottom."

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Rescuing vs. Supporting

The discussion delves into the psychological implications of the rescuing instinct. The hosts explain that while the intention behind helping someone is noble, it can sometimes inadvertently undermine the person's ability to manage their own challenges.

Host 1 [05:08]: "It's about recognizing that sometimes tough love is the most loving thing we can do."

Host 2 [12:02]: "It's about creating a space where someone feels safe, seen, and loved, even when they're struggling."

The concept of rock bottom is redefined not merely as a state of crisis but as the point where staying the same becomes more painful than the fear of change, paving the way for genuine transformation.

---

Financial Support with Conditions

One of the key areas the hosts explore is financial support. They discuss how unconditional financial aid can sometimes lead to dependency, thereby impeding personal growth.

Host 1 [03:04]: "If someone is struggling with addiction, we might offer to pay for rehab, but only if they commit to attending and actively participating in the program."

Host 2 [04:08]: "Or if someone's constantly asking for loans because they're mismanaging their finances, we might offer to connect them with a financial advisor, help them create a budget, but only if they're willing to follow through with the plan."

The strategy of conditional support ensures that assistance is tied directly to proactive steps towards resolving underlying issues. This method requires clear communication and firm boundaries to be effective.

---

Creating a Supportive Environment

Beyond financial assistance, the hosts emphasize the importance of fostering a supportive environment. This involves taking tangible actions that convey care and presence without overstepping.

Host 2 [07:10]: "Instead of asking, what can I do? The Source encourages us to take initiative and simply do things that create a nurturing and supportive environment."

Practical examples include:

• Bringing a home-cooked meal
• Helping with chores or errands
• Sending thoughtful care packages
• Offering to babysit
• Being a consistent, non-judgmental presence

A poignant story from the book illustrates this point:

Host 2 [08:07]: "The author's friends and family just stepped up and did what needed to be done without her even having to ask. They cleaned her house, cooked meals, took care of the baby, and simply created space for her to rest and heal."

This narrative underscores how proactive support can be a lifeline, especially when the individual is too overwhelmed to articulate their needs.

---

Setting Healthy Boundaries

A critical component of providing effective support is the establishment of healthy boundaries. The hosts discuss how boundaries protect both the supporter and the person being supported, preventing burnout and fostering mutual respect.

Host 2 [13:13]: "Boundaries are essential for protecting our own well being while still offering support."

Examples include:

• Limiting financial aid to specific, agreed-upon conditions
• Setting availability times for assistance
• Communicating clearly about what support can and cannot be offered

Host 1 [13:49]: "I'm happy to listen and offer emotional support, but I'm not able to give you any more money."

Adjusting boundaries over time is also acknowledged as a necessary aspect of maintaining a balanced support system.

---

Risks and Considerations

While the Let Them Theory offers valuable guidance, the hosts caution about its application, noting that it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. They highlight scenarios where this approach may not be appropriate, especially in cases of severe mental health issues or addiction where professional intervention is crucial.

Host 1 [17:42]: "If someone is struggling with severe mental health issues or addiction, letting them hit rock bottom without professional intervention could be incredibly dangerous."

Assessing the individual's circumstances and the potential risks is vital before deciding to adopt this supportive stance.

---

Practical Strategies for Implementation

To effectively balance support and detachment, the hosts share several practical strategies inspired by the book:

1. Active Listening and Validation

   • Focus on hearing and acknowledging feelings without jumping to solutions.
   • Example:

     Host 2 [13:13]: "It's about saying, I hear you. I see how much you're hurting. I'm here for you."

2. Setting and Maintaining Boundaries

   • Clearly define what support can be offered.
   • Example:

     Host 1 [13:55]: "Or I'm willing to help you with childcare twice a week, but I need you to give me advance notice."

3. Encouraging Professional Help

   • Guide individuals toward professional resources when necessary.
   • Example:

     Host 2 [18:04]: "Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is to encourage them to seek professional help."

4. Creating a Nurturing Environment

   • Engage in proactive gestures that demonstrate love and support without overwhelming the individual.

---

The Importance of Trust and Letting Go

A recurring theme in the episode is the importance of trust. The hosts emphasize trusting the individual's ability to navigate their own journey and trusting oneself to handle the complexities of providing support.

Host 2 [16:20]: "It's about releasing the burden of responsibility for fixing someone else's life and trusting that they have the capacity to navigate their own journey."

This trust fosters a liberating environment where both parties can grow. It shifts the dynamic from one of control to one of mutual respect and empowerment.

---

Conclusion

In wrapping up the episode, Host 1 and Host 2 reflect on the delicate balance between supporting and enabling. They reaffirm that while the Let Them Theory challenges conventional approaches to helping loved ones, it offers a pathway to fostering genuine growth and resilience.

Host 1 [21:35]: "When we shift our focus from rescuing to supporting, we open up the possibility for real transformation, both for the person we're supporting and for ourselves."

The hosts encourage listeners to:

• Reflect on their own relationships and support mechanisms
• Apply the principles discussed thoughtfully and compassionately
• Embrace the messiness of human experiences as opportunities for mutual growth

Host 1 [21:53]: "We hope this deep dive has given you some food for thought. We hope it sparked some new ideas about how you can support the people you love in ways that empower them rather than enable them."

Ultimately, the episode underscores that true love and support lie in empowering others to find their own paths, fostering environments where healing and personal development can thrive naturally.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Host 1 [01:03]: "Our instinct is to just jump in and offer solutions and maybe even try to fix things for them."
• Host 2 [02:07]: "It's about shifting from a rescuer role to a supportive one."
• Host 1 [05:08]: "It's about recognizing that sometimes tough love is the most loving thing we can do."
• Host 2 [07:10]: "Instead of asking, what can I do? The Source encourages us to take initiative and simply do things that create a nurturing and supportive environment."
• Host 2 [13:13]: "Boundaries are essential for protecting our own well being while still offering support."
• Host 1 [13:49]: "I'm happy to listen and offer emotional support, but I'm not able to give you any more money."
• Host 2 [16:20]: "It's about releasing the burden of responsibility for fixing someone else's life and trusting that they have the capacity to navigate their own journey."
• Host 1 [21:35]: "When we shift our focus from rescuing to supporting, we open up the possibility for real transformation, both for the person we're supporting and for ourselves."

---

This episode of The Messy Podcast offers a thoughtful exploration of how to provide support that empowers rather than enables, encouraging listeners to adopt a balanced approach rooted in trust, boundaries, and genuine care.

Transcript

[Host 1]

Welcome back to the Messy Podcast, everybody. I'm so glad you could join us for another deep dive.

[Host 2]

It's great to be here.

[Host 1]

Before we get started, though, a quick reminder to Visit [e-mail] Yes, you can support the show there by becoming a member. And while you're there, check out some of the other content that we've got cooking.

[Host 2]

That's right.

[Host 1]

Podcasts covering everything from the top books and Netflix series to fascinating biographies.

[Host 2]

You know, it's really a smorgasbord.

[Host 1]

It really is. We try to keep things interesting.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So for those of you who are joining us for season three, welcome aboard.

[Host 2]

Yes, welcome.

[Host 1]

We are exploring your relationships and the let them theory.

[Host 2]

That's right.

[Host 1]

And it's been pretty eye opening so far.

[Host 2]

It really has.

[Host 1]

Today in episode seven, we're tackling a topic that I think is close to all of our hearts. Helping someone who is struggling. How to provide support the right way. So we've all been there, right? Wanting to help a loved one who is going through a tough time. And our instinct is to just jump in and offer solutions and maybe even try to fix things for them.

[Host 2]

Yeah, that's natural.

[Host 1]

But, you know, our source material today is making a pretty bold claim. It suggests that sometimes the most helpful thing we can actually do is step back.

[Host 2]

It is. It's kind of counterintuitive.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

But the source really dives into the psychology behind why our good intentions sometimes backfire. You know, it challenges this deeply ingrained belief that we. We need to rescue people we care about.

[Host 1]

Right. And that's a tough one to swallow.

[Host 2]

It is.

[Host 1]

It feels so counterintuitive.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But the source argues that this rescuing often turns into enabling.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

Which actually prevents people from hitting what's often called rock bottom.

[Host 2]

Yeah. And rock bottom, as the source defines it, isn't just about, you know, financial ruin or hitting some crisis point. It's more about reaching a place where the pain of staying the same finally outweighs that fear of change. It's in that moment, you know, often when all those safety nets are gone, that real transformation can begin.

[Host 1]

Okay, so let me make sure I'm following you here. You're saying that sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is actually let someone face the consequences of their actions, even if it means they might hit this rock bottom hard.

[Host 2]

Exactly. And the Source emphasizes this doesn't mean we abandon them emotionally. You know, it's about shifting from a rescuer role to a supportive one. Think of it like this. You know, when someone's learning to ride a bike. We don't keep holding onto the seat forever.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

At some point, you gotta let go, even if it means they might fall.

[Host 1]

I like that. That's a great analogy.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But I imagine this is way easier said than done, especially when we're talking about people we deeply care about.

[Host 2]

Oh, absolutely.

[Host 1]

So how do we actually put this into practice?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

What does it look like to offer support without enabling?

[Host 2]

Well, the source gets very specific about that, and they focus on two key areas. The first is around financial support, and the second is about creating a supportive environment.

[Host 1]

Okay, let's start with the financial support. I think a lot of us struggle with that one. Sure, it feels natural to want to help someone financially when they're struggling, but the source is saying there's a smarter way to do it.

[Host 2]

Yeah, and this is where the idea of conditional support comes in. So instead of just handing over money, we can offer it with clear conditions attached. And these conditions should be directly tied to the person taking steps to to address the underlying issues that are contributing to their struggles.

[Host 1]

Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.

[Host 2]

Sounds good.

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[Host 1]

Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. So, for example, if someone is struggling with addiction, we might offer to pay for rehab, but only if they commit to attending and actively participating in the program.

[Host 2]

Precisely. Or if someone's constantly asking for loans because they're mismanaging their finances, we might offer to connect them with a financial advisor, help them create a budget, but only if they're willing to follow through with the plan.

[Host 1]

I see. So it's not about withholding help entirely. It's about attaching strings to that help. Strings that are intended to actually empower them to make positive changes.

[Host 2]

Exactly. And the source is very clear. This approach requires clear communication and boundaries. You know, we need to be upfront about what we're willing to do and what we're not willing to do.

[Host 1]

So let's Say someone doesn't agree to the conditions.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

What happens then?

[Host 2]

That's where it gets really tough. The Source is adamant that if someone refuses to meet those conditions, we have to be prepared to withdraw all financial support, even if it feels harsh, even if it means they might experience hardship.

[Host 1]

That's a really tough stance to take. It is, but I can see how it ultimately forces the person to take ownership of their situation.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And make some hard choices.

[Host 2]

Right. It's about recognizing that sometimes tough love is the most loving thing we can do.

[Host 1]

Yeah. And speaking of tough love, the Source actually shares a personal anecdote from the author's own life that really drives this point home.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

It's about her husband and his brother.

[Host 2]

Oh, yes. This is a powerful story. It really illustrates the potential transformative power of letting someone hit rock bottom. The author's husband, you know, before they were married, was facing some serious financial trouble. He was on the verge of bankruptcy.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

And naturally, he turned to his brother for help. And his brother, who was financially successful, basically said, nope, I'm not giving you a loan. You know, I love you, but I believe you're capable of figuring this out on your own.

[Host 1]

Imagine being in that situation. It must have felt brutal at the time.

[Host 2]

Absolutely. But as the story unfolds, we see that this tough love was exactly what the author's husband needed. He was forced to confront his financial mismanagement head on. He ended up selling some assets, downsizing his lifestyle, and taking on extra work.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

And eventually, he not only got back on his feet, but he learned some invaluable lessons about financial responsibility that he carried with him throughout his life.

[Host 1]

That's amazing.

[Host 2]

It's a perfect example of how hitting rock bottom, while painful, can be the catalyst for profound growth and change. You know, it forces us to confront our own patterns and make the difficult choices necessary to create a better future.

[Host 1]

Okay, so we've talked about the importance of setting boundaries and conditions around financial support.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

But the Source also emphasizes the power of creating a supportive environment.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

What does that look like in practice?

[Host 2]

Well, it's important to remember that support goes beyond finances. It's about creating a space where someone feels safe, seen and loved, even when they're struggling.

[Host 1]

Right. Because sometimes when we're going through a tough time, we don't even know what we need or we're too overwhelmed to ask for help.

[Host 2]

Exactly. So instead of asking, what can I do? The Source encourages us to take initiative and simply do things that create a nurturing and supportive environment.

[Host 1]

So, for example, instead of saying, let me know if you need anything, we might just show up with a home cooked meal.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Or offer to help with chores or errands.

[Host 2]

Exactly. Or we might send a thoughtful care package, offer to babysit. Or simply be a consistent, reliable, reliable presence in their lives.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Someone they can count on to listen without judgment.

[Host 1]

I love that. It's about taking action, not just offering empty words.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

And it's about doing those things without any expectation of thanks or updates.

[Host 2]

Right. It's about showing up authentically and letting the person know you're there for them no matter what.

[Host 1]

This whole idea of creating a supportive environment actually reminds me of a story the author shares about her own experience with postpartum depression.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

She talks about how during that difficult time, her friends and family just stepped up and did what needed to be without her even having to ask.

[Host 2]

Oh yes, that's a beautiful example. They cleaned her house, cooked meals, took care of the baby, and simply created space for her to rest and heal.

[Host 1]

And she emphasizes that she wasn't even able to articulate what she needed at the time. She was so overwhelmed she just shut down.

[Host 2]

Which highlights a really important point. Sometimes people in crisis are simply not in a place to know what they need or how to ask for it. They might even say they don't need anything because they don't want to burden anyone.

[Host 1]

Hang tight. We'll be back right after this short break.

[Host 2]

See you in a sec.

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[Host 1]

Thanks for waiting. Let's pick up where we left off.

[Host 2]

So in those situations, taking initiative and doing things to create a supportive environment, even without being asked, can be incredibly powerful.

[Host 1]

Absolutely. It can be the difference between someone feeling isolated and alone versus feeling seen, loved, and supported.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And that sense of support can be absolutely essential for healing.

[Host 2]

It's like that saying, actions speak louder than words. And sometimes those quiet acts of service, those small gestures of love and support can have the greatest impact.

[Host 1]

So if I'm hearing you correctly, we're talking about a pretty significant shift in mindset here. Instead of focusing on fixing someone's problems, we're focusing on providing support in a way that empowers them to find their own solutions.

[Host 2]

Precisely. It's about recognizing that true healing and growth come from within, and our role is to create a fertile ground for that process to unfold.

[Host 1]

Okay, so we've covered a lot of ground here. We've talked about the difference between rescuing and supporting the concept of rock bottom and the power of both conditional financial support and creating a supportive environment. But there's still so much more to unpack, right?

[Host 2]

Absolutely. We've only just scratched the surface. And in the next part of this deep dive, we're going to explore some of the challenges and nuances of this approach, as well as some practical strategies for implementing it in own lives.

[Host 1]

I'm ready to keep digging in.

[Host 2]

Great. Let's do it. One thing that really struck me about this approach is how it challenges us to rethink our own role in other people's lives. You know, it's easy to fall into that trap of thinking we know what's best for them, that we need to save them from their mistakes.

[Host 1]

It's like we're almost taking on this savior complex, Right?

[Host 2]

Exactly. And that can be pretty damaging, you know, both for them and for us.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

Because when we constantly swoop in and fix things, we're sending a subtle message that we don't trust them to handle their own lives. We're inadvertently undermining their confidence and their ability to develop those skills and resilience. They need to navigate challenges on their.

[Host 1]

Own, and it creates this unhealthy dynamic where they become reliant on us and we start to feel resentful, like, why am I always the one who has to bail them out?

[Host 2]

It becomes a vicious cycle. But when we shift our focus from rescuing to support.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

We empower them to take ownership of their choices in their lives.

[Host 1]

So it's about giving them the space to make mistakes, to learn from those mistakes, and to ultimately find their own way. Even if that way is messy and imperfect.

[Host 2]

Exactly. Because the truth is, there is no perfect path. We all stumble and fall along the way.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

It's those stumbles and falls that teach us the most Valuable lessons.

[Host 1]

The Source actually talks about this idea of desirable difficulty.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

This concept in psychology that suggests that facing challenges, even failing, can actually lead to greater learning and growth.

[Host 2]

It's counterintuitive. Right. But think about it. When we're constantly shielded from discomfort.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

We never develop the mental muscles we need to cope with setbacks. We become fragile.

[Host 1]

That makes so much sense. It's like that saying, smooth seas never made a skilled sailor.

[Host 2]

Exactly. You need those storms, those rough waters, to force us to adapt, to innovate, to become stronger and more resilient.

[Host 1]

But I imagine it can be really hard to sit back and watch someone we love struggle, knowing that we could potentially intervene and make things easier for them.

[Host 2]

Oh, absolutely. It goes against all our instincts. But the Source reminds us that true love is not about shielding someone from pain. It's about supporting them through it.

[Host 1]

So how do we actually do that? How do we walk that fine line between supporting and enabling?

[Host 2]

Well, the Source offers a few practical strategies. One is to focus on listening and validating their feelings without offering unsolicited advice solutions.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

You know, it's about saying, I hear you. I see how much you're hurting. I'm here for you. Without trying to fix things.

[Host 1]

Because sometimes just feeling heard and understood can be incredibly healing.

[Host 2]

Exactly. And it allows the person to tap into their own inner wisdom and find their own solutions.

[Host 1]

Another strategy the Source mentions is setting healthy boundaries.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And I think this is key, especially when it comes to preventing resentment from building up on our side.

[Host 2]

Absolutely. Boundaries are essential for protecting our own well being while still offering support.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

It's about being clear about what we are and are not willing to do.

[Host 1]

So, for example, we might say, I'm happy to listen and offer emotional support, but I'm not able to give you any more money.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 1]

Or I'm willing to help you with childcare twice a week, but I need you to give me advance notice.

[Host 2]

Exactly. It's about being honest and upfront about our limitations, both in terms of time and resources. And it's also about recognizing that our boundaries might change over time.

[Host 1]

A quick break for our sponsor and we'll be right back.

[Host 2]

We'll be right back. I think you're on mute.

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[Host 2]

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[Host 1]

Thanks for staying with us. What we're able to offer might vary depending on our own circumstances. Yes, and it's important to communicate those changes clearly and respectfully.

[Host 2]

I know this whole approach can feel a bit radical, even counterintuitive. Yeah, and it's certainly not easy. It requires a lot of patience, compassion and trust.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

Both in the person we're supporting and in their ability to find their own way.

[Host 1]

It's about letting go of control and embracing the messiness of the human experience.

[Host 2]

And you know, as we're talking about this, I'm realizing that this approach isn't just about supporting others. It's also about supporting ourselves. It's about recognizing our own limitations and setting boundaries to protect our own well being.

[Host 1]

That's such an important point, because if we're constantly pouring from an empty cup, we're not going to be able to offer genuine support to anyone.

[Host 2]

Exactly. We need to make sure our own needs are being met before we can truly show up for others.

[Host 1]

You know, it strikes me that this whole idea of letting go can be quite liberating, both for the person who's struggling and for the one offering support.

[Host 2]

It's about releasing the burden of responsibility for fixing someone else's life and trusting that they have the capacity to navigate their own journey.

[Host 1]

And in that process of letting go, we might just discover that they're even stronger and more resourceful than we ever imagined.

[Host 2]

Absolutely. And we might also learn something about ourselves, about our own resilience, our capacity for compassion, and the transformative power of trust.

[Host 1]

So as we're wrapping up this part of the deep dive, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on something. We've talked a lot about the benefits of this approach, but what about the potential downsides? Are there any risks involved in letting someone hit rock bottom?

[Host 2]

That's a really important question. And the source acknowledges that there are indeed risks involved.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

There's no guarantee that hitting rock bottom will lead to positive change. You know, for some people it can actually make things worse.

[Host 1]

So how do we assess that risk?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

How do we know when this approach might be appropriate and when it might be harmful?

[Host 2]

Well, the Source emphasizes that this approach is not a one size fits all solution.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

It's crucial to consider the individual's specific circumstances.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

You know, the nature of their struggles and their overall support system.

[Host 1]

So, for example, if someone is struggling with severe mental health issues or addiction, letting them hit rock bottom without professional intervention could be incredibly dangerous.

[Host 2]

Exactly. In those situations, professional guidance is essential, and it's also important to consider the potential consequences of their actions. If those consequences could be life threatening or have long term negative repercussions, it's crucial to intervene.

[Host 1]

So it sounds like this approach requires a lot of discernment, a lot of careful consideration of the individual's situation and the potential risks involved.

[Host 2]

Absolutely. And it's also important to remember that we're not always the best judge of what someone else needs. Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is to encourage them to seek professional help.

[Host 1]

Right.

[Host 2]

Or connect them with resources that can provide more specialized support.

[Host 1]

You know, as we're talking about this, I'm realizing that there's this underlying theme of trust that runs throughout this whole approach.

[Host 2]

Yes. Trust in the person's ability to find their own trust in the process of healing and trust in ourselves to navigate the complexities of supporting someone we love.

[Host 1]

And I think that's a beautiful reminder as we move into the final part of this deep dive. We've been talking about this fine line between supporting and enabling. And, like, when it might actually be more helpful to step back than to jump in and try to fix things for someone. It's a lot to process.

[Host 2]

It is. It really challenges us to reexamine our beliefs about what it means to truly care for someone.

[Host 1]

You know, we'll be right back after this quick break. All right, we're back. Let's continue.

[Host 2]

It's not always about protecting them from pain. It's about empowering them to navigate that pain and come out stronger on the other side.

[Host 1]

You know, one thing that keeps coming up for me is this idea that we often try to help others in ways that we ourselves would want to be helped. Yeah, but what if that's not what they actually need?

[Host 2]

That's such a good point. It's easy to project our own needs and expectations onto others, but the Source reminds us that everyone's journey is unique. What works for one person might not work for another. And that's why it's so crucial to be sensitive to their individual needs and.

[Host 1]

Preferences and to be open to the possibility that our support might not always be welcomed or appreciated.

[Host 2]

Exactly. And that can be hard to accept. You know, it can bruise our ego. But the source emphasizes that offering support should never be about us. It's about them. It's about respecting their autonomy and their right to make their own choices, even if we don't agree with them.

[Host 1]

So it's about detaching from the outcome. We can offer our support, but ultimately it's up to them whether or not they take it.

[Host 2]

Precisely. We can't force anyone to change or heal. We can simply create the conditions that make change and healing possible.

[Host 1]

And sometimes those conditions involve letting them experience the natural consequences of their actions, even if those consequences are painful.

[Host 2]

Yes. And that can be the hardest part. It can feel like we're abandoning them or that we're not doing enough. But the Source reminds us that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to let go of control and trust in the process.

[Host 1]

There's actually a quote from the source material that really captures this idea. People avoid healing because they do not believe they can face the pain they are running from. So let them borrow their belief from you.

[Host 2]

It's so powerful. It's about holding that space of belief for them, even when they might not believe in themselves. It's about saying, I see your potential, I see your strength. I know you can get through this.

[Host 1]

And it's about recognizing that their journey is not our journey. We can offer support, we can provide guidance, but we can't walk the path for them.

[Host 2]

Exactly. And that's why it's so important to find that balance between support and detachment. We can be there for them, but we also need to take care of ourselves. We need to set boundaries to protect our own well being.

[Host 1]

Because if we're not taking care of ourselves, we're not going to be in any position to truly support anyone else.

[Host 2]

Exactly. So as we wrap up this deep dive, I think it's important to acknowledge that this approach is not easy. It's messy, it's challenging, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.

[Host 1]

Because when we shift our focus from rescuing to supporting, we open up the possibility for real transformation, both for the person we're supporting and for ourselves.

[Host 2]

And ultimately, isn't that what love is all about? Empowering one another to grow, to evolve, to become the best versions of ourselves.

[Host 1]

Beautifully said. So for all of you listening out there, we hope this deep dive has given you some food for thought. We hope it sparked some new ideas about how you can support the people you love in ways that empower them rather than enable them.

[Host 2]

Yeah. We encourage you to continue reflecting on these concepts. Think about the relationships in your own life. Where might you be able to apply some of these principles?

[Host 1]

And remember, it's a process. It's about trial and error, about learning and growing along the way. And as always, we're here to support you on that journey.

[Host 2]

Thanks for joining us for this deep dive. We'll see you next time.

[Sponsor 2]

Bye, everyone.