S3 EP9 | How to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | The Messy Podcast

Summary

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins | The Messy Podcast

Episode: S3 EP9 | How to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level
Release Date: January 30, 2025

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Hosts:

• A
• B

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Introduction

In Season 3 of The Messy Podcast, hosts A and B delve into Mel Robbins' insightful book, The Let Them Theory. Episode 9, titled How to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level, explores transformative strategies for building stronger, more fulfilling relationships. The hosts guide listeners through recognizing unhealthy patterns, enhancing commitment, and embracing self-love to attract the right partners.

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1. Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns

[00:36]
A: Highlights the importance of recognizing recurring patterns in relationships, especially the tendency to attract similar, often unhealthy partners.

[00:48]
B: Emphasizes that these patterns are usually subconscious, citing a University of Alberta study mentioned by Mel Robbins.
Quote:
"Our brains are wired to repeat what they know, even if it leads to heartache." [01:04]

Discussion:
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their relationship histories to identify and understand these recurring dynamics.

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2. Taking Time Off from Dating

[01:14]
A: Addresses listeners who recognize these patterns in themselves, questioning whether they should cease dating altogether.

[01:17]
B: Suggests that Mel Robbins recommends taking a year-long hiatus from dating.
Quote:
"It's not about avoiding relationships altogether. It's about hitting pause and investing that time in self-discovery." [02:06]

Discussion:
This period is framed as an investment in personal growth, allowing individuals to break free from unhealthy cycles and become the best versions of themselves.

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3. Enhancing Commitment in Current Relationships

[02:53]
A: Shifts focus to listeners already in relationships seeking deeper commitment.
B: Introduces advice from relationship expert Matthew Hussey on approaching commitment conversations with self-respect.
Quote:
"It's about valuing your time and not pleading or guilt-tripping the other person." [03:07]

Discussion:
A sample script is discussed, guiding listeners on how to express their desire for deeper commitment respectfully and confidently.

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4. Loving the Potential vs. the Present

[04:42]
A: Brings up the common issue of being in love with someone's potential rather than who they are currently.
B: Points out that loving potential can lead to resentment over unchanging habits.
Quote:
"It's like you're in love with this fantasy and not the actual person standing right there." [05:20]

Discussion:
Hosts encourage listeners to assess whether they can genuinely accept their partners as they are or if fundamental incompatibilities exist.

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5. The ABCDE Loop for Managing Expectations

[05:51]
B: Introduces Mel Robbins' ABCDE loop strategy for dealing with expectations and potential deal-breakers.
Breakdown:

• A: Apologize for past negativity.
• B: Ask open-ended questions about behavior.
• C: Back off and observe behavior.
• D: Decide if it's a deal-breaker.
• E: Either end the complaining or the relationship.
  Quote:
  "It's about making a conscious choice." [07:40]

Discussion:
This method empowers individuals to address issues proactively and decide whether to continue investing in the relationship.

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6. Handling Breakups and Heartbreak

[09:24]
A: References research by John Gottman, noting that 69% of relationship conflicts stem from perpetual, unchangeable issues.
Quote:
"Rejection is not a reflection of our worth. It's simply a sign that we weren't a match for that particular person." [20:30]

Discussion:
The conversation transitions to navigating heartbreak, emphasizing that ending a relationship can be a step towards personal growth and finding more compatible partners.

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7. Self-Compassion and Healing Strategies

[14:05]
B: Discusses Mel Robbins' advice on allowing oneself to feel all emotions during the healing process.
Quote:
"It's about offering ourselves that same compassion and understanding that we would offer a dear friend." [15:02]

[14:18]
A: Introduces the concept of a 30-day no-contact period to facilitate emotional healing.
Quote:
"It's about consciously choosing to step away from that well-worn path and allowing those neural connections to weaken." [14:26]

Discussion:
Strategies include visualization, prioritizing self-care, and redirecting energy towards personal well-being to foster resilience and readiness for future relationships.

---

8. Choosing the Love We Deserve

[16:33]
A: Explores Mel Robbins' perspective on shifting from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset regarding love.
Quote:
"It's about recognizing that we are whole and complete on our own and that a relationship is a beautiful addition to our lives, not a necessity for our happiness." [17:02]

Discussion:
Hosts discuss practical steps to cultivate this mindset, such as prioritizing well-being, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, which in turn attracts healthier relationships.

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9. Taking Action in Dating

[18:20]
B: Emphasizes the importance of taking proactive steps in the dating process rather than waiting passively for love to find you.
Quote:
"You can't just sit on the couch in your PJs and expect love to magically appear." [18:33]

Discussion:
Suggestions include joining social groups aligned with personal interests, experimenting with online dating, and being open to new connections to expand social circles and create opportunities for meaningful encounters.

---

10. Handling Rejection and Building Resilience

[20:30]
A: Addresses the inevitability of rejection in dating and how to view it constructively.
Quote:
"Rejection is not a reflection of our worth. It's simply a sign that we weren't a match for that particular person." [20:30]

Discussion:
Rejection is reframed as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal failure, fostering resilience and maintaining a positive outlook towards future relationships.

---

Conclusion and Key Takeaways

[22:11]
B: Summarizes the episode, emphasizing that fulfilling relationships begin with a strong relationship with oneself.
Quote:
"The power to create fulfilling relationships starts with our relationship with ourselves." [22:11]

[22:32]
A: Reinforces the importance of self-worth, kindness, and taking courageous steps towards desired love.
Quote:
"It's about believing in our worthiness, treating ourselves with kindness and respect, and taking those brave steps towards the love that we desire." [22:23]

Final Thoughts:
Hosts encourage listeners to engage with the community through themessypodcast.com, sharing experiences and supporting one another in their journey towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Our brains are wired to repeat what they know, even if it leads to heartache." — B [01:04]
• "It's not about avoiding relationships altogether. It's about hitting pause and investing that time in self-discovery." — B [02:06]
• "It's about valuing your time and not pleading or guilt-tripping the other person." — B [03:07]
• "It's like you're in love with this fantasy and not the actual person standing right there." — B [05:20]
• "It's about making a conscious choice." — B [07:40]
• "Rejection is not a reflection of our worth. It's simply a sign that we weren't a match for that particular person." — B [20:30]
• "It's about recognizing that we are whole and complete on our own and that a relationship is a beautiful addition to our lives, not a necessity for our happiness." — B [17:02]
• "You can't just sit on the couch in your PJs and expect love to magically appear." — B [18:33]
• "The power to create fulfilling relationships starts with our relationship with ourselves." — B [22:11]
• "It's about believing in our worthiness, treating ourselves with kindness and respect, and taking those brave steps towards the love that we desire." — A [22:23]

---

Final Remarks

The Messy Podcast effectively translates Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory into actionable insights for listeners seeking to elevate their relationships. By addressing both the emotional and practical aspects of love and self-growth, hosts A and B provide a comprehensive guide for navigating the complexities of modern relationships.

For more in-depth discussions and community support, listeners are encouraged to visit themessypodcast.com and join the ongoing conversation.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the Messy podcast. We're diving into season three, choosing the love you deserve. And today we're tackling episode nine, how.

[B]

To take your relationship to the next level.

[A]

Exactly right. If you guys haven't already, head over to themessypodcast.com you can become a member and support the show. Plus check out our other podcasts covering everything from, like, top books and Netflix.

[B]

Series, two fascinating biographies.

[A]

Yeah. So in this deep dive, we're going to be looking at Mel Robbins book the high Five habit. It's packed with great advice for anyone looking to, you know, build those stronger, more fulfilling relationships. And one of the things that really stood out to me was this whole.

[B]

Idea of, like, recognizing patterns.

[A]

Yes, recognizing patterns. Have you ever noticed how you might keep attracting similar partners even if those relationships weren't exactly healthy? Yeah, like, not the best.

[B]

It's so common and it's often subconscious. We just kind of keep going for those familiar dynamics. Even if they're a little dysfunctional. Yes, even if they're dysfunctional. Mel Robbins mentions this study from the University of Alberta that actually shows this tendency. It's like our brains are wired to.

[A]

Repeat what they know.

[B]

Yeah, just repeat, repeat, repeat. Even if it leads to heartache.

[A]

Okay, so what if someone listening right now is like, oh my gosh, that's me. I keep falling into the same traps.

[B]

Right.

[A]

What should they do? Should they swear off dating forever?

[B]

Well, that might be a bit extreme. You know, Mel Robbins suggests taking a year off dating.

[A]

A whole year.

[B]

I know that sound.

[A]

That's a long time.

[B]

It does sound drastic.

[A]

Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.

[B]

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[A]

Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it.

[B]

But it's not about avoiding relationships altogether. It's about hitting pause and investing that time in self discovery. You know, it's about breaking free from those unhealthy cycles and becoming the best version of yourself.

[A]

Before I get jumping back into the dating Pool.

[B]

It's sad.

[A]

Okay, so it's like instead of focusing on finding the right person.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're focusing on becoming the right person. Becoming the right person yourself.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

I like that. But let's be real. Being single for a whole year can be kind of daunting.

[B]

Absolutely. It requires commitment. But think of it as an investment. You're basically saying, you know what? I am worth investing in.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

And my future happiness is worth this time and effort.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so let's say you're already in a relationship and things are generally good, but you're ready for, like, a little more commitment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How do you even begin to have that conversation?

[B]

Oh, the dreaded commitment conversation. I know, but Mel Robbins actually shares some really great advice from our relationship expert Matthew Hussey. And his approach is all about self respect.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's about valuing your time and not pleading or guilt tripping the other person. He even provides a sample script.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

A script that's clear, confident, and surprisingly simple.

[A]

Okay, I'm intrigued. So break down this script for us. What does it actually sound like?

[B]

All right, so you start by acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship. You know, the things you genuinely enjoy and appreciate about the other person. Then you clearly state your desire for a deeper commitment. You emphasize that you value your time and you want to invest it wisely in a relationship that's on the same page. On the same page, exactly.

[A]

So it's not about saying, you need to commit to me or else. It's more about saying, hey, this is what I'm looking for. And.

[B]

And I respect myself.

[A]

And I respect myself enough to pursue it. Yes.

[B]

And what's so powerful about this approach is it gives the other person the freedom to choose without feeling pressured. You're basically saying, hey, I'm awesome. I'm looking for something serious, and if that's not what you want, it's okay.

[A]

But I need to move on.

[B]

But I need to move on.

[A]

Yeah. It's about setting those boundaries and honoring your own needs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which I think can be really hard for people, especially when you're already feeling insecure.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Or anxious about the future.

[B]

It's a very vulnerable conversation.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But it's so crucial for building a healthy, fulfilling relationship. And remember, the key is to be prepared to accept their answer, even if it's not what you were hoping for.

[A]

It's about staying true to yourself and your needs. Okay, so we've tackled the commitment conversation, but what about those situations where we're, like, in love? With the idea of someone.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

With their potential. But maybe not so much with who they are right now.

[B]

Yeah. That is a classic trap. It's so easy to fall for potential, you know, hoping they'll change or become the perfect partner. But as Mel Robbins points out, loving someone for their potential is not the same. Is not the same as loving them for who they are today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She gives these relatable examples like messiness or lack of ambition. Even annoying habits.

[A]

Like vaping.

[B]

Like vaping, Exactly. It's those little things that can turn into major resentment if we're constantly hoping for a transformation.

[A]

It's like you're in love with this fantasy and not the actual person standing.

[B]

In front of you, standing right there.

[A]

I think we've all been there.

[B]

We have. And it's important to be brutally honest with ourselves. Can you truly be happy if this person never changes? Those things that bother you?

[A]

That's the question.

[B]

If not, is it a fundamental incompatibility or is it something that you can learn to accept?

[A]

That's such a good question. I want all of our listeners to really think about that. Think about your own relationships. Are there things you keep hoping your partner will change? And how's that working out for you?

[B]

Yeah. How's that going?

[A]

Spoiler alert. Probably not great.

[B]

Probably not great. It's time to stop hoping for a magical transformation and start dealing with reality. Mel Robbins suggests a strategy called the ABCDE loop for these situations.

[A]

The ABCDE loop. Okay, break it down. What is the ABCDE loop all about?

[B]

All right, so it starts with the familiar ABCs. Apologize for past negativity. Ask open ended questions about their behavior. Back off and observe their behavior. Celebrate any progress they make and continue to model the desired change.

[A]

Hang tight. We'll be back right after this short break.

[B]

See you in a sec.

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[A]

Thanks for waiting. Let's pick up where we left off.

[B]

But here's where it gets interesting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You add D E. Decide if this is a deal breaker and then either end the complaining or end the relationship.

[A]

Wow. That last part is powerful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not about passively hoping for change. It's about making a conscious choice.

[B]

You got it.

[A]

You either accept the situation or you decide it's a deal breaker and move on. Mel Robbins actually shares a funny, relatable story about her own marriage and how this applies to her relationship with her husband, Chris. Yeah, she, she's open about her struggles with adhd, the disorganization, the constantly losing things, being late, and basically driving Chris crazy with her messiness. Messiness, Yeah.

[B]

I love that story.

[A]

It's so real and honest. So instead of Chris trying to like, force her to change, he's learned to love and accept her quirks and all. Quirks and all. But it also highlights the importance of identifying your own non negotiables.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In a relationship, like, what are those things that you absolutely cannot live with? Cannot live with. And that leads us to another crucial question. Even if both people are committed, Right. What if their life goals or visions just don't align?

[B]

That's a tough one.

[A]

It's one thing to compromise on the small stuff, sure. But what happens when you have fundamentally different dreams for the future?

[B]

Yeah. Mel Robbins doesn't shy away from these tough questions. She uses examples like wanting to live in different countries or one person wants kids and the other one doesn't. These are big picture issues that can make or break a relationship. Even if there's a lot of love.

[A]

It'S not about one person being right or wrong.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's about recognizing those fundamental incompatibilities that can just create real tension over time. Over time, Mel Robbins actually brings in some eye opening research from John Gottman, who is a leading expert in relationship dynamics. He found that 69%, 69% of relationship conflicts are about perpetual issues, things that are very unlikely to change. Wow. 69%. That's a lot of potential conflict.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So if most of our arguments are about things that won't change, how do you know if you should stay and work things out or Just call it quits. This kind of begs the question, Go on, ask it. Is there someone better out there?

[B]

The age old question, if we're constantly.

[A]

Butting heads, is that a sign that we should just keep searching for the one?

[B]

Ah, the eternal quest for the one. Mel Robbins takes a very grounded approach to this. She says it's not about settling. It's about appreciating what you have and recognizing that every relationship, no matter how perfect it seems, will have challenges. Challenges, exactly. That grass is greener mentality can keep you searching endlessly, always wondering if there's something better just around the corner. So while it's important to address those perpetual issues and see if there's a path forward together, it's also about finding that balance between striving for growth and. And appreciating the good things that you already have.

[A]

That makes sense. So it's not about finding a perfect relationship. It's about finding a good relationship that you're willing to work on and nurture. And nurture. Exactly. And that brings us to the emotional side of things. What happens when a relationship ends and we're faced with that raw, gut wrenching heartbreak? How do we move through that pain and come out stronger on the other side?

[B]

That's a great question and a perfect segue into part two of our deep dive.

[A]

We'll be back soon to explore the messy but ultimately healing journey of heartbreak. And how to use the let them theory to not only let go of the past, but also embrace the amazing possibilities that await us. Stay tuned.

[B]

Welcome back to the Messy Podcast. You know, as we were just talking about letting go of those we love, it really struck me how sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let go.

[A]

It can be such a hard concept to grasp, especially when you're in the thick of heartbreak. It feels so counterintuitive.

[B]

I agree. It's like we're wired to hold on tighter when we're hurting, but sometimes that just makes the pain even worse. You know, Mel Robbins compares it to forcing two puzzle pieces together that just.

[A]

Don'T fit, no matter how much.

[B]

No matter how much we want them to.

[A]

And it's not about saying, like, one person is bad or wrong.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's just recognizing that sometimes two people, even with love and good intentions, just aren't compatible in the long run.

[B]

Exactly. And those mismatched pieces, they can create so much friction and heartache. You know, Mel Robbins talks about how heartbreak isn't just emotional, it's actually a neurological process as well.

[A]

That's Interesting. Tell me more about that.

[B]

Well, think about it. When you're in a relationship, you create these neural pathways, these habits of connection and intimacy. It's like a well worn path in the forest. You know, you walk it so often, it becomes deeply ingrained. Then when the relationship ends, it's like that path is suddenly blocked.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And your brain has to reroute, forge a new path. And that takes time and effort.

[A]

Wow, that's such a great analogy. No wonder heartbreak can feel so physically and emotionally painful. It's like we're literally rewiring our brains.

[B]

Exactly. And it's so important to be patient with ourselves during this process. You know, there's no set timeline for healing. Right. And what works for one person might not work for another.

[A]

A quick break for our sponsor and we'll be right back.

[B]

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[A]

Thanks for staying with us. So what are some things that can help during that healing process? What does Mel Robbins suggest?

[B]

Well, she emphasizes the importance of giving ourselves permission to feel whatever we're feeling. Sadness, anger, confusion, even relief. It's all part of the process, right? She also talks about the power of 30 days of no contact.

[A]

Oh, that one's tough. But I can see the logic behind it. It's about like creating space yes. For healing and breaking those old patterns.

[B]

Exactly. It's about consciously choosing to step away from that well worn path and allowing those neural connections to weaken. And it's not just about physical distance. It's about mental and emotional distance as well. You know, avoid checking their social media or reminiscing about old times or dwelling on what ifs. Yeah.

[A]

So it's about consciously redirecting our attention and our energy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Towards our own healing.

[B]

Towards our own healing. Exactly. And as we're doing that, it's important to remember that letting them be also applies to ourselves.

[A]

What do you mean by that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How can we let ourselves be as we're healing from heartbreak?

[B]

It's about offering ourselves that same compassion and understanding that we would offer a dear friend going through a hard time. You know, it's about acknowledging our own needs and taking care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally.

[A]

So instead of beating ourselves up for not getting over it fast enough or comparing our healing journey to someone else's.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We need to be gentle with ourselves.

[B]

You need to be gentle with ourselves. Exactly. It's about recognizing that, you know, we're going through a difficult process and allowing ourselves that space and time to heal. And part of that healing is actively filling our lives with things that bring us joy and nourish our souls.

[A]

So it's not just about letting go of the past, it's about creating a present.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That is fulfilling and meaningful.

[B]

Precisely. Mel Robbins talks about the power of visualization in this process. Even if you don't feel it fully in this moment, try to imagine yourself living a happy, fulfilling life. Picture yourself thriving, connecting with amazing people, pursuing your passions. It's like planting seeds. I love that. For that brighter future that you're moving towards.

[A]

I love that analogy. It's about shifting our focus from the pain of what was to the excitement of what could be.

[B]

Exactly. And as we start to fill our lives with those positive experiences, we start to shift our energy and we attract new possibilities into our lives.

[A]

Okay. So we're letting go of the past, we're nurturing ourselves in the present, and we're visualizing a brighter future. It feels like we're creating this foundation for something new and amazing to enter our lives.

[B]

You got it. And that brings us to the exciting part. The journey of choosing the love that we deserve.

[A]

Okay, now we're talking. I'm ready to dive into that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What does Mel Robbins say about actively choosing the kind of love that we want in our lives? Effy?

[B]

Well, she emphasizes the importance of Shifting from a scarcity mindset, that fear that there's not enough love to go around, to an abundance mindset, believing that we are worthy of love and that there are incredible partners out there who are also searching for someone like us.

[A]

I love that. It's like going from feeling desperate and like you need a relationship to feeling confident and empowered.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

In your own right.

[B]

Exactly. It's about recognizing that we are whole and complete on our own and that a relationship is a beautiful addition to our lives, not a necessity for our happiness. And when we approach relationships from that place of self assurance, we attract partners who value and appreciate us for who we are. For who we are. Exactly.

[A]

That makes a lot of sense. But how do we actually cultivate that abundance mindset? It's easy to just say believe in yourself, but putting it into practice can be really tricky.

[B]

You're right. It starts with small, consistent actions that reinforce our self worth.

[A]

Okay, give me some examples. What are some things that our listeners can do to start building that foundation of self, love, and confidence? We'll be right back after this quick break. All right, we're back. Let's continue.

[B]

Well, it could be as simple as prioritizing your well being. You know, making time for activities that bring you joy, setting boundaries that protect your energy and time, and speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion.

[A]

It's like sending a message to yourself and to the universe. I am worthy of love and I'm.

[B]

Not going to settle for anything less.

[A]

For anything less. Exactly. And as you start to embody that self worth, you become a magnet for attracting healthy and fulfilling relationships.

[B]

You do.

[A]

Okay, so we're radiating self love and confidence. What's next? Do we just sit back and wait for Prince Charming to come knocking?

[B]

Not quite. While believing in our worthiness is crucial, Mel Robbins also emphasizes the importance of taking action and putting ourselves out there. You can't just sit on the couch in your PJs and expect love to magically appear. Magically appear, exactly right.

[A]

We have to create opportunities for connection. But sometimes putting yourself out there can feel really intimidating, especially if you've been hurt in the past. So what are some gentle ways to start dipping our toes back into the dating pool?

[B]

Well, it could be as simple as joining social groups that align with your interests. You know, trying online dating or just being more open to connecting with people in your everyday life. It's about expanding your social circles and creating those possibilities for serendipitous encounters.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And even if those encounters don't lead to Romantic connections. They can still enrich our lives and remind us that there are amazing people out there. Out there. It's about building those social muscles and getting comfortable putting ourselves out there. Out there. Exactly. And as we're doing that, it's important to remember that it feels like we've covered so much in this deep dive from recognizing those unhealthy patterns to healing from heartbreak, and now to, like, stepping into this space of choosing love. Yes, it's exciting.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But also a little daunting at the same time.

[B]

It is a bit of both, isn't it? But that's the beauty of growth. It often takes us outside our comfort zones. And as we're putting ourselves out there, it's not just about meeting new people. It's about showing up authentically in those interactions.

[A]

You mean like not trying to be someone we're not?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Just to impress a potential partner.

[B]

Exactly. It's about letting our true selves shine through, embracing our quirks and passions and those unique perspectives that make us who we are. Because ultimately, it's those authentic qualities that will draw the right people to us.

[A]

That makes so much sense. If you're trying to be someone you're not, you're not going to attract someone who genuinely connects with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let's say you're putting yourself out there. You're being your awesome, authentic self.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But you're still facing those inevitable bumps in the road.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, those awkward first dates, the disappointing rejections, maybe even a few ghosting incidents. Yeah, a few ghosting incidents. How do you navigate all of that without losing hope?

[B]

Well, Mel Robbins offers a really important reminder here. And that is, Rejection is not a reflection of our worth. It's simply a sign that we weren't a match for that particular person.

[A]

It's easy to personalize rejection, especially when you're feeling vulnerable and putting your heart out there. But really, it's just a sign that, you know, someone else's wants or needs just weren't aligned with yours.

[B]

Exactly. And that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It just means that someone even more amazing is out there. Someone who will appreciate and celebrate you.

[A]

For exactly who you are.

[B]

For exactly who you are.

[A]

Okay. That is a much more empowering way to look at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So instead of getting discouraged, we can reframe those rejections as opportunities to learn and grow.

[B]

Yes. And it builds resilience.

[A]

It does.

[B]

Because, let's face it, dating can be tough.

[A]

Yeah. It takes courage to put yourself out there, to risk getting hurt. But it's also so rewarding when you.

[B]

Find that connection that lights you up.

[A]

That truly lights you up.

[B]

Yes. It's like Mel Robbins says, the most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

When you have that strong foundation of self, love and acceptance, you're able to navigate the ups and downs of dating with so much more grace and resilience.

[A]

And you're less likely to settle. You are for a relationship that doesn't truly fulfill you.

[B]

Exactly. You start to recognize your worth and you set those boundaries knowing that you deserve a love that is reciprocal, respectful, and deeply fulfilling.

[A]

This has been such an insightful conversation. I feel like we've really explored like the full spectrum of relationships.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From recognizing those unhealthy patterns to healing from heartbreak, to taking those courageous steps towards choosing the love we deserve.

[B]

It's been quite a journey. And while we've learned so much from Mel Robbins book, I think the most important takeaway is this. The power to create fulfilling relationships starts with our relationship, ourselves. Yeah.

[A]

So well said. It's about believing in our worthiness, treating ourselves with kindness and respect, and taking those brave steps towards the love that we desire.

[B]

And for all of you amazing listeners out there, remember, you are not alone on this journey.

[A]

You are not alone.

[B]

Head over to themessypodcast.com to continue the conversation. Share your thoughts, share your experiences. Connect with other people who are navigating these messy but ultimately beautiful aspects of life and love.

[A]

We're all in this together and we can't wait to hear from.