Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Level Up Podcast w/ Paul Alex
Episode: This One Belief Is Secretly Ruining Your Life — Shelly Lefkoe Explains Why
Host: Paul Alex Espinoza
Guest: Shelly Lefkoe, Co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute
Release Date: December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features a deep-dive conversation with Shelly Lefkoe, a world-renowned mindset expert specializing in eliminating limiting beliefs. Paul and Shelly break down how unconscious beliefs shape our decisions, behaviors, and ultimately the outcomes in our businesses and lives. Shelly shares real-life stories, practical frameworks, and actionable tools to help listeners identify, challenge, and change self-sabotaging beliefs—especially those keeping them stuck, insecure, or “not good enough.”

Shelly also discusses the journey of building (and rebuilding) her business and offers both beginners and experienced entrepreneurs powerful mind shifts for personal and professional breakthroughs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Invisible Beliefs: Why We “Know” But Don’t Do

• Shelly introduces the core idea that it’s not intelligence, information, or motivation that determines our behavior, but our unconscious beliefs.
  • [00:24] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "Why do people know what to do and don't do it and know what not to do and do it anyway? It's your beliefs, most of which are unconscious, that totally determine our behavior, our emotions, and ultimately our reality."

• Major life shifts come from changing underlying beliefs, not from positive thinking or more information.

2. Shelly’s Origin Story: How She Found Her Mission

• Shelly recounts how her late husband, inspired by his own struggles and existential questioning, realized the central role of beliefs in shaping reality.
  • [02:14] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "So he downloaded this process and came up with the idea that it's your beliefs, most of which are unconscious, that totally determine our behavior, our emotions, and ultimately our reality. So I've never worked with anybody who had the belief, life is hard, who had an easy life."

• Watching real-life transformations fueled Shelly to dedicate her life to this work, rapidly acquiring clients and growing a business in a field that barely existed back then.

3. Entrepreneurial Ups and Downs — And What Really Matters

• Shelly tells the story of dramatic early business success, sudden bankruptcy, and rebuilding from scratch.
  • [05:28] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "We made a million dollars the first year... and then we went bankrupt and lost our 'movie star house.' We had to start all over."

• She emphasizes the importance of "watering all the plants" in life—career, relationships, health, and fulfillment—instead of just one.
  • [06:52] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "If you had a lot of plants, you would never water just one. Obviously, the rest would die."

4. Why Surface Fixes Don’t Work: Patterns vs. Beliefs

• Paul asks why positive thinking and 'pushing through fear' seldom work. Shelly explains the key distinction between patterns (behaviors/emotions) and beliefs (statements about reality we hold as truth).
  • [12:34] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "Evidence doesn't get rid of beliefs and standing in front of a mirror going, 'I'm good enough, I'm good enough...' doesn't work if underneath you believe you're not."

• Patterns are symptoms; beliefs are root causes.
• Most beliefs are formed unconsciously in childhood from repeated experiences, parental messaging, or traumatic/scarce environments.

5. The Most Common Limiting Beliefs

• Shelly reveals the five most common beliefs she sees in her clients, regardless of their success:
  • "I'm not good enough"
  • "I'm not important"
  • "I'm powerless"
  • "Mistakes and failures are bad"
  • "I'm not capable"
  • [21:24] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "I'm not good enough. I tell you, Alex, it blows my mind. I work with pretty high level people... and it's the same beliefs."

• She offers a practical exercise—say aloud, "I'm not good enough," then "I'm a monkey," and notice which one feels true or triggers emotion—revealing which beliefs are operating.

6. How Beliefs Are Formed (with Examples)

• Childhood experiences teach us core beliefs.
  • Ignored by parents: "I'm not important."
  • Criticized constantly: "I'm not good enough."
  • Parents struggle financially: "Money is scarce and hard to get."
  • Entrepreneurial failure in family: "Entrepreneurship is dangerous."
• These beliefs can remain decades later, driving adult decisions and feelings—often unconsciously.

7. Survival Strategy Beliefs and Workaholism

• Shelly unpacks how people can look highly successful, but are driven by “survival strategy beliefs"—constantly proving they’re good enough, worthy, or secure by working harder and achieving more, but never feeling satisfied.
  • [28:46] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "Workaholics don't not care about their kids, but they keep having to prove, 'I'm good enough, I matter,' by having a successful business. Except, guess what, it's a heroin addiction... You're not a human doing, you're a human being."

8. Concrete Tools: How Listeners Can Start Breaking Free

• First question: What pattern do you want to change?
  • “What am I sick and tired of being sick and tired of?”
  • “What might someone believe who keeps repeating this?”
• Listen: to your self-talk, especially at moments of failure or hesitation.
  • The voice that says "I'm not good enough" or "I can't do this" points to the belief underneath the pattern.
• Mistakes as Feedback:
  • [36:25] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "If you beat yourself up every time you make a mistake or fail, you must have the belief that mistakes and failures are bad."

  • Quoting Richard Branson: "If you're not failing a lot, you're going to be mediocre."

9. Environment is Everything

• Both host and guest stress that environment—whom you’re around, what messages you absorb—can reinforce limiting beliefs or help you break free.
  • [19:16] Paul Alex:

    "What you listen to, what you see at a young age can dramatically affect your decision making as a teenager, as a young adult, as a man, as a woman..."

10. Reframing Patterns: From Powerlessness to Possibility

• Anger/fear often stem from feeling powerless, a deeply-rooted belief.
  • [27:35] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "Underlying anger is always powerlessness, because if you could do something about it, you just would."

• Even extreme behaviors (like criminality or abusive relationships) are driven by learned and internalized beliefs, not intrinsic badness.

11. Shelly’s Blueprint Exercise: Detaching Meaning from Events

• When strong emotions arise, it’s because we assign meaning to events (“They don’t like me,” “This is the end of my business”).
• Instead:
  1. Ask: What happened?
  2. What meaning did I give it?
  3. What else could it mean?
  4. Realize: The event itself has no inherent meaning—meaning is entirely constructed in your mind.
  • [42:25] Shelly Lefkoe:

    "Your beliefs determine everything you do, think, feel and act. So whatever it takes, get rid of those beliefs and it will change your life... Our circumstances don't determine what happens to us. The meaning that you give does. And that comes from your beliefs."

• Shelly shares that this process kept her going after her husband’s death and helped her rebuild her business.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Whether you believe that you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
  — Paul Alex & Shelly Lefkoe [00:37, 20:21]
• “I’ve never worked with anybody who had the belief ‘life is hard’ who had an easy life.”
  — Shelly Lefkoe [02:14]
• “You are not a human doing. You are a human being.”
  — Shelly Lefkoe [28:46]
• “If your parents are struggling with money, you conclude money is scarce and hard to get. If they yell at you every time you make a mistake, you’re going to conclude mistakes and failures are bad. And… you can’t do it if you have the belief mistakes and failures are bad.”
  — Shelly Lefkoe [18:57]
• “No amount of evidence… You can read every business book or listen to Alex tell you to ‘level up, make mistakes, fail’ — you can’t do it if you have the belief mistakes and failures are bad.”
  — Shelly Lefkoe [18:57]
• “Events have no meaning. The meaning is in your mind. So ask yourself, what just happened? What meaning did I give it? What else could it mean?”
  — Shelly Lefkoe [42:25]

Timelines of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:24-02:14 | Introduction to beliefs and behavioral patterns | | 02:14-05:05 | Shelly's personal journey; discovering transformation through belief work | | 05:28-09:39 | Building, losing, and rebuilding her business; the importance of holistic fulfillment | | 12:34-19:16 | Why positive thinking fails; patterns vs beliefs; childhood roots of beliefs | | 21:24-26:49 | Most common limiting beliefs; how to uncover your specific beliefs | | 27:35-31:50 | Powerlessness, anger, and criminality—case studies from prison research | | 34:01-36:25 | Practical steps for breaking limiting patterns; the “belief blueprint” | | 42:25-46:30 | Shelly’s reframe exercise—detaching meaning from events |

Action Steps & Audience Takeaways

• Identify the pattern you want to change. Ask: Which pattern keeps repeating in my life?
• Ask yourself: What must someone believe to keep doing this?
• Listen for the belief: Notice your inner voice, especially when you “fail.”
• Reframe setbacks: Catch yourself when assigning catastrophic meaning to setbacks; ask what else could be true.
• Focus on being, not just doing: Success that comes only from trying to prove your worthiness will never feel like enough.
• Seek help to root out core beliefs—tools, coaches, or Shelly’s free resources (see below).

Connect with Shelly Lefkoe & Free Resources

• Instagram: @elielefko (DM “breakthrough27” for a free belief elimination exercise)
• Website: lefkoinstitute.com

Closing Wisdom

“Your beliefs determine everything you do, think, feel and act. So whatever it takes, get rid of those beliefs and it will change your life… Our circumstances don’t determine what happens to us. The meaning that you give does.”
— Shelly Lefkoe [42:25]

Host’s reminder:
Leveling up isn’t just about business tactics—it's inner work first. Don’t just grind—transform your beliefs, and you transform your results.