Podcast Summary: The Little Shaman—Episode 285: "When the Narcissist Is Caught"

Date: September 29, 2025
Host: The Little Shaman (Shaman Sister Sin)

Overview

In this episode, The Little Shaman (Shaman Sister Sin) delves into the dynamic of what happens when narcissists are caught in wrongdoing. She explores the typical reactions that follow exposure—from denial to blame-shifting—and unpacks the inner workings behind these behaviors, highlighting why narcissists act the way they do and why their tactics often seem both absurd and confusing to outsiders.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Narcissists Get Caught (00:50–03:00)

• Narcissists are often exposed because their lies, schemes, and manipulations are, contrary to popular belief, poorly executed and riddled with blind spots.
• Overconfidence and lack of foresight contribute to frequent mistakes.
• Society’s disbelief that an adult would engage in such blatant lying or absurd behaviors often aids narcissists:

  “Many a person dealing with a narcissist has stood there like, this was your plan. You really thought this was going to work.” (02:10)

2. Leveraging Others’ Disbelief (03:00–05:00)

• Narcissists often "get away with it" because people simply can't fathom an adult behaving so outrageously.
• Their manipulative success frequently hinges on the sheer audacity and believability gap of their lies.

3. The Narcissist’s Response When Caught (05:00–08:00)

• Rather than admit wrongdoing, narcissists typically embark on what Shaman calls a “dizzying, nauseating, non stop ride on the tilt-a-whirl” involving:
  • Gaslighting
  • Denial
  • Blame-shifting
  • Outbursts and tantrums
  • Attacks on others’ character and logic
  • Withdrawal or stonewalling
• Notable description:

  “They will walk 10 miles to tell a lie, but they will not take two steps to tell the truth.” (07:35)

4. Why Narcissists Can’t Admit Fault (08:00–12:00)

• Their refusal to admit fault stems from a combination of:
  • Extreme denial
  • Weak self-image
  • Pathological need to avoid shame
• For narcissists, being found out isn’t just embarrassing—it’s experienced as a fundamental, existential threat:

  “For a narcissist to admit that they're wrong is not experienced in the same way that it is for other people. Nobody likes to be wrong. But for narcissists, this is experienced as crushing. It shakes their entire foundation of reality and their sense of who they are.” (09:50)

• This vulnerability to shame renders them unable—and unwilling—to accept responsibility.

5. Circular Reasoning and Self-Delusion (12:00–15:00)

• Narcissists aim primarily to convince themselves, rather than others, that they’re not at fault.
• Their reactions can seem delusional—even when caught with undisputable evidence, they might accuse others of framing them.
• Notable quote:

  “Who are you trying to convince? There's not even any audience here. And that is how we know the real audience for the narcissist's lies and denials and performances is the narcissist themselves.” (13:35)

6. Nature of Narcissistic Shame (15:00–17:30)

• Narcissists’ shame is existential, not rooted in empathy or remorse for harm caused, but in a pathological fear of being exposed as worthless.
• They equate being ‘bad’ with being utterly unworthy, a stance that extends both to themselves and others.

7. Gaslighting Unpacked (17:30–21:30)

• Most gaslighting by narcissists is simply unyielding denial, rather than elaborate manipulation.
• The tactic works mainly because people can’t imagine an adult would be so blatantly dishonest.
• Noteworthy insight:

  “It's a ridiculous, childish denial made by a ridiculous, childish person. That's all it is.” (20:30)

8. The Confusion Narcissists Create (21:30–24:00)

• The goal is not to communicate or resolve, but to win by any means.
• This often leaves people in a perpetual state of confusion, unable to discern the truth.
• Memorable explanation:

  “You're trying to resolve the situation and communicate and have a relationship… They're trying to win a conflict by any means necessary.” (23:15)

• These incompatible goals mean genuine resolution or understanding is impossible.

9. Advice to Listeners (24:00–25:30)

• Victims should rely on their own observation of the narcissist’s actions as “closure”—not on what the narcissist says.
• “You know what happened. Stick with that. It's the truth, which is more than you're going to get from a narcissist.” (25:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On plans and manipulations:
  “You would think somebody who invests so much in this kind of behavior… would be better at it. But many narcissists really are not very good liars or schemers or cheaters at all.” (01:10)

• On their outlandish stories:
  “People just can't believe an adult would make that up or would lie right to their face.” (03:54)

• On escalating defenses:
  “There will be attacks on you, your character, your sanity, your intelligence... There will be attacks on your mother's brother's cousin's girlfriend's dog that she had five years ago.” (06:38)

• On avoiding the truth at all costs:
  “They will walk 10 miles to tell a lie, but they will not take two steps to tell the truth.” (07:35)

• On the real ‘audience’ for their lies:
  “The point of saying it is that they have to have some way to spin things… so they don't have to experience the shame of being proven to have failed or done wrong or been bad.” (13:18)

• Advice for listeners:
  “Nothing this person says is going to change or help or fix anything anyway. In fact, it'll probably only make things worse, make them more confusing… Stick with that. It's the truth, which is more than you're going to get from a narcissist.” (25:10)

Key Takeaways

• Narcissists often get caught because their schemes are fundamentally flawed and lack self-awareness.
• Their defense mechanisms are driven by a pathological need to avoid overwhelming shame, not by logic or concern for others.
• The chaos and confusion following exposure are intended to distract and discredit, not to clarify or correct.
• Listeners are encouraged to trust their own perception and not to expect accountability or closure from a narcissist.

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