Celebrity Plastic Surgeon: The Ayahuasca Awakening That Changed His Life

Summary

Living Your Legacy Podcast

Episode: Celebrity Plastic Surgeon: The Ayahuasca Awakening That Changed His Life
Host: Kira Brinton (for this episode)
Featuring: Nicholas Howland
Date: March 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode features an intimate conversation with Dr. Nicholas Howland, a board-certified plastic surgeon, speaker, and storyteller. The discussion centers on Howland’s deeply personal journey from rigid religious upbringing, profound loss of faith, and darkness, to a transformative spiritual awakening—catalyzed by an ayahuasca experience. The themes woven throughout include self-love, gratitude as prayer, support in relationships, and the intention behind writing his memoir, "The Atheist’s Prayer."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rediscovering Self & Spirituality

• Spiritual Disconnection and Ayahuasca Experience
  • Nicholas opens up about years spent in a “very dark place” after losing belief in a higher power due to excommunication from the LDS church and personal struggles.
  • A pivotal ayahuasca ceremony helps him redefine prayer as gratitude, reigniting his spirituality.
    • Quote:

      "I had an experience in Ayahuasca that kind of helped me realize that prayer is just gratitude. And it reintroduced me to spirituality and the higher power that I had lost for years."
      (Nicholas Howland, 00:00 & 06:16)

2. The Power of Daily Self-Reflection

• Nicholas repeatedly emphasizes the importance of taking time each day to “rediscover” oneself and nurture self-love as fundamental to living a fulfilled life.
  • Quote:

    "Take some time to rediscover you every single day and you will find self love for you, which I think is the most important gift you can find."
    (Nicholas Howland, 00:38 & 08:02)

3. The Writing Process & Support Systems

• Struggles with Writing the Memoir
  • Nicholas describes persistent blocks in finishing his book and finding direction, until connecting with Kira’s Legacy Maker community.
    • He references seeing another author, Carissa Sherwood, launch her book as inspiration.
• Choosing the Right Environment
  • Despite setting a family goal to stay home, Nicholas receives unconditional support from his wife to join the unique "Writer’s Island" retreat, underscoring the value of partner support in chasing life-changing opportunities.
    • Quote:

      "...when I came downstairs and I said, hey, there’s this thing. What do you think? She just looked at me and she goes, I think that sounds like why we’re supposed to be home... That kind of support from your spouse where it’s not even like, well, we’re busy here. We’ve got to do this or we might have to cancel this. Just that immediate, like, fuck, yes. This is why support from your spouse meant everything. And so I was all in."
      (Nicholas Howland, 04:28)

4. Biography in Brief: "The Atheist’s Prayer"

• Memoir Themes
  • Raised in a devout LDS (Mormon) family in Utah, Nicholas served a two-year mission in Russia before being excommunicated, returning, then excommunicated again after a divorce.
  • His story follows a trajectory from devoutness, heartbreak, disillusionment, anger toward God, and, ultimately, healing and personal freedom.
    • Quote:

      "...I was all in. I believed every bit of it...went through a period of life where I was excommunicated from this church, came back, got re baptized, recommitted, and then went through a divorce and got excommunicated a second time. And that was when I kind of said fuck you to God and said, this is not real..."
      (Nicholas Howland, 05:44)

5. Community & Belonging

• As Nicholas prepares for Writer's Island, he reflects on being the only man among 15 women on the retreat and embraces the sacred, communal space for creativity and healing.
  • Quote:

    "So am I the only one on the island who has not fully gone through a book writing process with you?"
    (Nicholas Howland, 07:38)
    "Which I kept fighting like, come on, one more man. And it just wasn’t in. It wasn’t in the cards. So we have 15 women and you, and we’re all going to be on this sacred island praying and writing these books and it’s going to be amazing."
    (Kira Brinton, 07:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Love and Prayer:

  "Honestly, it’s that God is inside of all of us and that prayer is an expression of gratitude. And just take some time for you. Take some time to rediscover you every single day and you will find self love for you. Which I think is the most important gift you can find."
  (Nicholas Howland, 08:02)

• On Support from a Partner:

  "Just that immediate. Like, fuck yes. This is why support from your spouse meant everything. And so I was all in."
  (Nicholas Howland, 04:28)

• On Main Character Energy:

  "My wife will always tell you, she’s like, ’Oh, he’s got main character energy every single day.’"
  (Nicholas Howland, 02:20)

• On Taking Alternative Paths:

  "All things I never thought would have been said about me in one sentence."
  (Nicholas Howland, 02:52, on writing a book during a TV retreat)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introduction & Ayahuasca Awakening – 00:00 to 00:38
• Nicholas on Self-Discovery Daily – 00:38, 08:02
• Legacy Maker Process & Book Journey – 02:58 to 05:44
• Memoir Description: "The Atheist’s Prayer" – 05:24 to 06:16
• Support from Spouse & Writing Retreat Decision – 04:28
• Gender & Community at Retreat – 07:21 to 07:38
• Nicholas’ Final Message – 08:02

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Final Takeaway

Nicholas Howland’s journey showcases the transformative power of adversity, gratitude, and authentic self-reflection. His message encourages listeners to rediscover themselves daily, seek genuine connection, and recognize that self-love and spirituality can be found within. The episode is a testament to the value of vulnerability, the importance of support systems, and daring to step into new chapters—both in writing and in life.

Transcript

[Nicholas Howland]

I spent years in a very dark place where I just, I didn't really believe in a higher power at all. And as I came out of that and I started to find some love and rediscovery of me, I had an experience in Ayahuasca that kind of helped me realize that prayer is just gratitude. And it reintroduced me to spirituality and the higher power that I had lost for years.

[Narrator]

Nicholas Howland is a board certified, compassionate and transformative plastic surgeon. Beyond his practice, he is recognized as a speaker and storyteller committed to helping others step into greater wholeness both inside and out.

[Nicholas Howland]

Take some time to rediscover you every single day and you will find self love for you, which I think is the most important gift you can find. And.

[Promotional Voice]

It spans the globe like a super

[Nicholas Howland]

highest cold Internet Elvis friends for free.

[Promotional Voice]

Today Apple is going to reinvent the phone. It's not over until I win the

[Nicholas Howland]

Living youg Legacy podcast. For those who live to leave a legacy that's extraordinary.

[Promotional Voice]

The impossible has happened. Oh, that is sensational. Jordan Open Chicago. With the lead, Usain Paul is the fastest man on the planet. You can live your dream foreign.

[Kira Brinton]

Welcome back to my season of Legacy Makers. My name is Kira Brinton and I am so excited to introduce to you one of our extraordinary authors who just recorded their Legacy Maker episode today, Nicholas Howland.

[Nicholas Howland]

Hello.

[Kira Brinton]

How are you?

[Nicholas Howland]

Oh, I'm so good.

[Kira Brinton]

How was that today?

[Nicholas Howland]

Fun. It was fun, actually. Right? Yeah. Yeah, we did a little photo shoot. Yeah, I told my story. Yeah, I cried because that's. I'm a crier. Yeah, it was great.

[Kira Brinton]

And what I saw was the second you picked up the mic and the behind the scenes photo shoot and I was like, oh, he was always meant for this. Like, I was like, we just locked into his most easy way. Like, this is what you're meant to do.

[Nicholas Howland]

Yeah, I. My wife will always tell you, she's like, oh, he's got main character energy every single day.

[Kira Brinton]

I love that so much.

[Nicholas Howland]

And sometimes, sometimes she's gonna be like, okay, give me a spot, give me a seat.

[Kira Brinton]

I love it.

[Nicholas Howland]

And she's perfect partner.

[Kira Brinton]

It's so good. It's so good to watch. And I love that Haley's here so that I can kind of get to know your wife and just see you guys together. Because in a week we're going to the private island I know to write your book on the TV show Writer's Island.

[Nicholas Howland]

All things I never thought would have been said about me in one sentence.

[Kira Brinton]

Isn't that amazing?

[Nicholas Howland]

Yeah. I. I'm so happy I found you because I have been trying to write this book for three years now.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And I have had so many blocks in just getting it through to the finish line.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And I know one of your authors, Carissa Sherwood.

[Kira Brinton]

Yep.

[Nicholas Howland]

And when I saw her launch her book, I was like, okay. I love the marketing. I love that you were able to do this and introduce me to whoever your person is. And you and I talked.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And I remember like, well, this is my process. Our next retreat is in two weeks. And I'm like, that's not going to work. Yeah. And he said, well, I only got one other retreat this year and it's in. I don't know, it was like a month or two. And I'm like, that also is not going to work with my schedule.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And then you said, well, I've got this other option. It's a little out of the box. And you told me all about Riders island and the deal, and I thought, okay, that sounds really cool. And what I need. And I don't know. And I remember going down to my wife and what you have to understand is we made a very strong, committed goal this year that we were going to be home and we were going to connect to the things and the people that mattered the most. Last year we took 12 weeks off. We had four international trips. We had a wedding, like, great year, but it was too much. And so we set this goal. And when I came down. So we have one trip planned this year.

[Kira Brinton]

That's it. Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And when I came downstairs and I said, hey, there's this thing. What do you think? She just looked at me and she goes, I think that sounds like why we're supposed to be home. Oh, and who. That kind of support from your spouse where it's not even like, well, we're busy here. We've got to do this or we might have to cancel this. Just that immediate. Like, fuck, yes. This is why support from your spouse meant everything. And so I was all in.

[Kira Brinton]

I love that. What a beautiful. I love that that was the entrance. I didn't know that. I love that so much. I also love that I had that conversation with you when I was in Miami and here we are together in Miami. For I. What I would love is if you could give us a two minute description of this book that you're writing and why it's so important to you.

[Nicholas Howland]

So the working title right now is the Atheist's Prayer and the It's a memoir and it goes from my life As a kid, which was pretty. I was born into an LDS Mormon family in Utah to. And I was all in. I believed every bit of it.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And at 19 I went and served a two year mission, lived in Russia for two years and was fully in and then went through a period of life where I was excommunicated from this church, came back, got re baptized, recommitted, and then went through a divorce and got excommunicated a second time. And that was when I kind of said fuck you to God and said, this is not real.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

And I spent years in a very dark place where I just. I didn't really believe in a higher power at all. And as I came out of that and I started to find some love and rediscovery of me, I had an experience in Ayahuasca that kind of helped me realize that prayer is just gratitude. It's just an expression of gratitude. And it, and it reintroduced me to spirituality and the higher power that I had lost for years. And I've been able to come back to this devout, self loving, free person through those experiences.

[Kira Brinton]

Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to sit with you on the island in a week. I'm so excited to sit with this book and I'm really honored to have you part of our authors.

[Nicholas Howland]

Thank you.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah. And a part of all of this.

[Nicholas Howland]

Thank you. I'm going to be the only guy there I know.

[Kira Brinton]

Which I kept fighting like, come on, one more man. And it just wasn't in. It wasn't in the cards. So we have 15 women and you, and we're all going to be on this sacred island praying and writing these books and it's going to be amazing.

[Nicholas Howland]

So am I the only one on the island who has not fully gone through a book writing process with you?

[Kira Brinton]

There's quite a few.

[Nicholas Howland]

Okay.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nicholas Howland]

Okay.

[Kira Brinton]

So like Megan hasn't been on an adventure with me. A bunch of them haven't been on adventures. And that's really the immersion, you know. So it's going to be. Isn't he so great. If there's one message that you could leave with everyone today, what would that message be?

[Nicholas Howland]

Honestly, it's that God is inside of all of us and that prayer is an expression of gratitude. And just take some time for you. Take some time to rediscover you every single day and you will find self love for you. Which I think is the most important gift you can find. Wow. Or remember.

[Kira Brinton]

Yeah. That's so beautiful with that. I hope you enjoy his episode. And then we will see you on our next episode of Legacy Makers.