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- [00:00]
A
You can be successful or you could be struggling. You can be, you know, you can have your job and provide for your family and, you know, do all that and think, hey, things are good and whatever, but doesn't mean you have purpose. Stephen D. Achilly is a compassionate, dedicated and influential mental health advocate and the president and founder of the Alexis Joy to Kill foundation for postpartum Depression, where he works to advance awareness and support for maternal mental health. When you face that adversity and you get through it and you know you're going to be, you look in the mirror one day and you're like, I'm all right. And I always say that unlocks your superpowers. The first time somebody tells you that you saved their life is a pretty special feeling. And if that doesn't get the fire burning, I don't know what, what can or will. When you figure that out, you know, what your calling is and what you're supposed to be doing, it's more fulfilling than a paycheck or a job.
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B
Oh, absolutely.
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A
And so I feel really blessed and honored to be on this path. It's been 12 years now, and it keeps growing, and I feel like I'm just getting started. It spans globe like a super high cold Internet Elvis. Read the prior. Today, Apple is going to reinvent the ball. It's not over until I win the living your legacy podcast. For those who live to leave a legacy that's extraordinary. The impossible has been. Oh, that is sensational. Jordan Open Chicago with the lead, Usain Paul is the fastest man on the planet. You can live your dream.
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B
Welcome back to another episode of the living your legacy podcast, the Legacy makers edition. It's been quite a minute. We haven't had a legacy maker on the show. Joining me today is Stephen Diakil. Did I get that right?
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A
D. Achille Diakili.
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B
Even, even more triumphant and powerful. We're moments away from filming your legacy makers episode. Steve, what brings you to the studio? What brings you to Miami? Welcome.
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A
I want to share my story. I want to share my cause and I guess tell the story about how I got here.
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B
Dude, I am all ears. What brought you here? What is your story, my friend?
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A
So, my story.
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B
You got 20 minutes, by the way.
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A
Okay.
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B
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
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A
It's based on a nonprofit that I started for my wife. She unfortunately took her life in 2013. Five and a half weeks. Today is 12 years to the day. Actually, it's the anniversary, so kind of a special day to be doing something positive in her in her memory, but
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B
10, 1025, just to mark it. 10, 1025.
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A
Cool.
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B
Go ahead.
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A
She struggled with postpartum depression after giving birth to our. Our daughter Adriana. Adriana, yeah.
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B
Sorry.
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A
So we. So, yeah, so she was a traumatic birth experience. Her complications started from the delivery room on about two and a half weeks after. After delivering, she really started struggling with what we now know was postpartum psychosis, which started as a postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and just snowballed into kind of every facet of maternal mental health disorder. And she, she, I guess, attempted to take her life on October 8th, and then it was about two and a half days in intensive care until she eventually passed on October 10th. And so it was during, you know, that time period in the hospital where, you know, you kind of. You don't know what you need until you go to look for it and it's not there. And I'd taken her to seven different hospitals, crisis centers, desperately seeking psychiatric. And each time she was turned away. And I remember looking at her in her bed and thinking, oh, my God, how like, we live in the greatest country in the world. How can somebody desperately search for help? She was different in that she didn't suffer in silence. She was hyper aware and hyper vigilant and doing everything to try to get help. But how can you. And it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and admit to professionals or anybody, for any human being, that you're having thoughts of harming yourself, but to each time you seek help, seven different places with psychiatric, you know, doctors, and each time you muster that courage to ask for help and tell them these thoughts you're having and to be turned away and, you know, say, just go home, you're going to be fine. You know, the United States, we have the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed country in the world by a long shot. It's not even close. More pregnant women and women that have given birth within a year. Suicide's a leading cause of death, and we lose more mothers in this country than any other developed country. And so I'm looking at her in her bed in the intensive care unit and, and I'm just saying, how does this happen here? How is there nothing for a woman that's struggling? And so I had a, you know, a childhood priest that was very close with my family, somehow got to the hospital before I did. She was life flighted from a small suburban hospital to a big trauma center in the city. And he was there waiting for me before I even Got there, and he pulled me into a room, and he just said, you know, we need to talk. And at this point, I'm, you know, begging and pleading, making deals with God, like, please just bring her back in some capacity. And we get into this room, and there was just this overwhelming calm and clarity that came over me. And before I got into that room, I was, like, physically ill, mentally ill, emotionally ill. I couldn't talk. I was vomiting. I mean, I was. You know, all the things I was. I was breaking down. I have a lifetime of worry. And this clarity came over me. And we talked for. It could have been 20 minutes or four hours. It was like time stood still.
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B
And
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A
I knew when that conversation ended, I still had this peace. And this clarity was the clearest my mind's ever been. And it came over me, and I didn't want it to end. So I locked myself in a bathroom. I sat on the floor with a pen and paper, and I guess it was kind of like an epiphany. And I just kind of, in that moment, started writing notes down. And I don't know how. I guess it was God telling me what I needed to do to heal, but I wrote down everything from how we were going to raise money, you know, the fashion in which we were going to do it, which initially started as a black tie gala because she loved to get dressed up and put a dress and heels on and dance, and she loved. Love to get together with all of our friends. And so. And it was. The decision was that we would celebrate her this week every year, because, you know, when you lose, when you're going through grief and you lose loved ones, there's. There's certain times of the year that are just hard. And so I didn't want. This is my anniversary week. This is the week she passed. And I didn't want to spend this week forever just mourning. And so we've kind of flipped the script, and instead of mourning, we celebrate her every year. And so we just had our big fundraiser. It's a golf charity golf outing this past Monday. It was the best one we ever had yet. And that's kind of been the trajectory every year since. Everything keeps getting bigger and better and more joyous. And most importantly, I'm surrounded by everyone that loves me and everybody that loved Alexis. And that's the kind of. The amazing thing with nonprofit work. Even the people that never met her, every year are. Audience grows, and those people become like family. And so it's. It's a very healing process to know that. So Many people care, and then all for all those people to know they're making a difference. So my. My heart's really in advocating for maternal mental health, you know, disorders, which is an interesting place to be as A man, especially 12, you know, 12 years ago, when I first. And I hit the ground running, immediately I'm like, we're. We're going to do this. And everything I wrote on that note on the floor in the bathroom of the hospital, every single thing has come true. And the most important thing on that note was, you know, I'm going to open a facility, a safe place, a place that I believe if my wife had access to, would have saved her life. And so we raised the Money. We have 7,800 square feet in the most amazing hospital. It's a labor and delivery hospital in Western Pennsylvania and also satellite locations as well. And so we opened in December of 2018. We started with borrowed space in the hospital, wherever there was a vacancy. And it went from one to two to three spaces while we built the dream facility out. And to date, we' you know, more than 32,000 women in our region that have all. It's an intensive outpatient program, three hours, three days a week. And the goal with that program was to. To never kind of be stagnant and think the job was done. It was always to evolve. And so we, you know, the health system. I can't take credit for everything. I'm just surrounded by amazing, great people. I tell the story and I get a lot of, you know, praise and thanks for the work that I do, but it's really the best team. And they search the country high and low for the very best of the best in this area of medicine. And how's your daughter, by the way? Adriana? Yeah, She's. She's amazing. She's like. It's. It's crazy because from the outside looking in, she's a lot like my wife. She is the girl that has it all. And she's, you know, she's smart, she's funny, she has a crazy high emotional iq. I think kids that grow up, you know, kind of in a. With an emotional upbringing or, you know, missing a parent or losing a parent kind of. That's kind of the sad part of it. They kind of lose that innocence and that protective, you know, childhood, but they also gain skills that they can use for the rest of their life. So mostly she's very intelligent. She's a very talented dancer. She has all the friends in the world. She's beautiful, just like her mother, and she's really thriving. And so she has a. She's a very close connection to God. She gets a lot of comfort. She has. She has a little pink, you know, pink leather Bible I brought her that she, you know, when something's wor. I always know something's worrying her because she has her Bible or if she's worried about a friend, she prays for them. And when she was very young, we brought my mother in law, bought a prayer bench for her, for her room. And so that was kind of as a little girl, she wanted to talk to her mom. She would just sit on that bench and she could, you know, she could feel like it's a direct line right to her mom and the nonprofit work. It's another very direct line for not just me, but for my daughter and everybody that keeps us connected to her. So I always kind of say, like, you know, I always hate till death do us part. Sure, sure. You know, it's like, because I think I really believe love never dies. And so when I lost Alexis, I probably love her more today than I did then. And love's crazy love. Love makes you do things you were never, never thought you were capable of. And so in losing her, I speak a lot about, you know, finding purpose in pain. And Alexis really helped me find my purpose. And I think a lot of people, you can be successful or you could be struggling, you can be, you know, you can have your job and provide for your family and, you know, do all that and think, hey, things are good and whatever, but doesn't mean you have purpose. So I feel very blessed to be able to work through the nonprofit and do the advocacy and fundraising and all of that, because I feel like I know God's plan for me, and I feel like I get to do God's work. And I know there's more being asked of me. And I feel like when you figure that out, you know, what your calling is and what you're supposed to be doing, it's more fulfilling than a paycheck or a job.
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B
Oh, absolutely.
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A
And so I feel really blessed and honored to be on this path. It's been 12 years now, and it keeps growing, and I feel like I'm just getting started. And so I, you know, it's like I always say, like, when she passed and I started this, this advocacy journey, I feel like she sent me on this crazy adventure. And so I get to travel the world, get to travel over the country, I get to meet people. And there's nothing like being in a Room full of people that are like minded and passionate about the same thing you are. And so you bring all these amazing people into your life that fundamentally I think are good people. They're selfless people that are doing something extra, volunteering their time. It's been a wonderful journey through, you know, learning about philanthropy. You kind of grow up. And I feel like most of the, most people think philanthropy is like, it's for old, rich white people, you know, like, you know, it's beyond that, but it's so much more. And so, because I got to go through this at a young age, it's like you're, you know, your friends are in your 20s, early 30s, starting families, trying to buy homes. Like they don't have money to give, but there's so many ways to give back. And so one of the really like most unique things with the foundation is because children are such a big part of it and our fundraisers involve everybody, full families teaching children to give back.
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B
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
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A
And so there's always an aspect for children giving back at all of our events. And I think just teaching them at a young age, I think is so important for them. And they can't give money, but they can give time for sure, or they'll so show up for photo shoots, for videos we might do for the nonprofit. And, and they're so proud of their self. And so I always say to everyone, it's like if you feel down and you feel out and you might be depressed and whatever, like, the best way to feel good is to just do something good for someone else. Never feel bad doing good. And so for children, it's like you watch them give a couple hours of their day and they're so proud of themselves.
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B
Have you always been such a great storyteller? When that moment when you started writing out your battle plan or your business plan, did you just magically become a great storyteller or is this a gift that you've always been given, always had? Excuse me.
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A
No, I don't think. No, I really think my wife gave me that. I think just my love for her forced me to change my mindset, my perspective, and when it first caught. I'm a triplet. So I grew up in this crazy. Yeah, I grew up in this crazy Italian home, really close knit. We all live in the same neighborhood. It's like my, you know, my big fat Greek wedding. Except Italian. Yeah, we're all next door to each other and there's 15 people for dinner five days a week. And so I'm very Blessed to have this really amazing family and especially for help with my daughter in the beginning. But I was in a really dark place, and I lost my triplet brother. He lived on the same street.
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B
Unbelievable.
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A
Nine months after my wife passed, and so I. I kind of get to. I own a bar restaurant that like a. It's like Cheers. It's very blessed. You always wanted to be Cheers. Yeah, no, it's the closest thing to Cheers you'll ever see. It's literally family. Like, our customers are like family with the employees. We have, like, we have a really great gig going.
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B
Hell, yeah, dude.
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A
And so I feel like it's like legacy makers, but my legacy is kind of born because I'm trying to build a legacy for my wife.
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
But then also, I get to celebrate my brother and keep his legacy in his restaurant going for him. So it's like a legacy through other legacies.
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B
Sure. Including your daughter.
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A
Like, including my daughter.
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B
It's like, it's. You're getting. You're getting the energy of your. Of your. Of your late wife, but you're also getting the new soul, the new ascension, the new. The legacy right before your eyes.
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A
And so it's easy to do the work when you're doing it for. For people you love. And so it's like, a lot of times, I think most humans, it's like, you'll put yourself last or, like, I'll do things for them or for a friend that needs something that I would never do for myself. Yeah.
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B
Same.
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A
You know what I mean? So it's easy to help someone else. Sometimes we don't take care of ourselves because we put others first. But for me, it's like, what a. What a blessing to have two amazing people that I get to celebrate and keep their legacy going. It's just amazing. And then through it, it's like, in Pittsburgh, where I'm from, it's like the best city in America. It really is. It's the city of champions for more than just sports. Because my story is a story that happens every day in every single city in America. But there's something special about the people in Pittsburgh where when something happens, especially because we own my father's own, his restaurant in our community for 55 years. Wow. It's the other Cheers a couple miles away from my Cheers. And so. But when you own an Italian restaurant, Pizzeria, takeout delivery, you see thousands of people from the community.
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B
Books, shows, songs written about what you just said.
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A
Yeah. And ingredients. You're. You're.
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B
You're.
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A
A part of the fabric of the community. And so when this happens, it was like the whole city was shook. And so, you know, if it was in New York City, it's just another tragedy in New York City. But in Pittsburgh, it was like, we need to do something about this. As soon as I said, I have a plan, I have an idea, I want to do it, Everyone from the radio to the news to the local community, everyone chipped in and we were able to start something that really hasn't or hadn't been done as full circle and as comprehensive as what we wanted to build in Pittsburgh. And so, you know, I travel, I go to every conference, any. Anything I can do in mental health, I do and participate with. And, you know, I show up. There's a thousand people that work in psychiatry. And it's like, at first I think they thought I was lying because they're like, there's no way you're doing this. Because we've been asking our health system forever and all we ever hear is no. I'm with Allegheny Health Network and Highmark Health. And like, I'm like, I've never heard no. All they say is yes to me, of course. And so it's been, you know, this really privileged, kind of amazing.
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B
Why do you think they say yes to you? Because they see you are the thousand of angels that are standing behind you.
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A
You know what, I'm just doing the talking for them. I mean, honestly, like, all the red tape. When you try to create a new program in healthcare that involves moms and babies, there's a lot of red tape. And, like, we would face hurdles that have plagued health care for forever. And like, it's like, this is going to take a long time to get through the Department of Health. And they'd be like, you're never going to believe it. They responded, like, today, or if it was a big problem, it might take a week. But these are problems that have historically plagued health care. And, like, the red tape just comes down. So I think it's the angels.
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B
Oh, it's a very divine path. And you. I'm just. Sir, I'm just a person handing you a bottle of water on your. On your Golden Path marathon, my friend. How can folks actually not. What. Let's take a moment because I actually spoke to someone a lot like yourself in your field, but they were a woman. They were a female. They're giving the perspective of the post mortem depression from the perspective of clearly the mother. And we shared a story from the perspective of a family Member. And I saw the reaction of my colleague's wife at the time, like, wow, what a dramatic change. But I never was able to speak about the perspective of the male, of the father. I experienced significant loss. I'm still yet to be a father. Unfortunately, I've lost twins.
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A
You know, I've, I've.
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B
You know, I've, I've. I've gone through it and I've. I've always leaned on the divine, on the source for guidance. But what, what, what is happening? Why does this happen? Why that surge of energy, that pure happiness and then the darkness looms in. Is it a lesson? Is it just a way of life? Is your late wife's energy in your daughter now? Is this the way life works? What are we not understanding? Are we just filling in the blanks? And what are you coaching and teaching?
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A
So I. The most important thing is I said earlier, like, I'm a male and a. In a women's health issue. And so I was not well received at first.
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B
Sure.
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A
Like, and then when. Then people started receiving it and saying, hey, this is, you know, we need an advocate like him. Then it was, well, of course, it takes a man to talk about a women's health issue for people to listen. And my thing is, I hate when everything gets segregated. Women's helmet. When, when a woman is sick, when mom's sick, everyone suffers.
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B
Yes.
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A
The husband suffers, the partner suffers, the children suffer. And so I always have to make a point to say, that's not a women's health issue. It's a family health issue. And so. And now they're discovering more. It's kind of a hot topic right now in health care. It's like, it's not just women that are suffering. Dads are suffering too.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And. And so our program, with that promise to always evolve and get better, we now offer services for dad. Sometimes dad's struggling and needs to talk to somebody, but sometimes dad just needs to talk to a professional how he can best support.
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B
Bingo. Bingo.
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A
And so I always had, like, the foundation, we have a slogan. It's like, real men support women.
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B
Yes.
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A
And I believe that. And so men struggle too. And there's a percentage of men that experience postpartum depression. With the women, it's due more in part to a hormonal imbalance after. And there's a lot of struggles with, you know, there's. The reality is there's, you know, there's women like my wife, type A, very successful professional women put together. There's a large percentage of high profile Women news anchors or women married to athletes that are always feel pressure to be dressed up and look their best because people know who they are.
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B
Or women that are execs on top of their field and they're always surrounded by men and they have to feel like a certain way, right? And they're not, you're not flourishing as women. They're just very, well, that's the worst.
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A
They're hardest hit demographic because professional women are used to getting a reward, right? Promotions, raises, you know, feedback. And with children, there's no feedback. They don't tell you you're doing good, mom. No one tapped. They don't tap you on the back. Like, they just cry to learn what cry means. Means what? And you know, so there it's very different. And then like type A, you're used to a schedule. My wife was, everything was scheduled. She wanted to know what was for dinner, what time. I'm the opposite. And it used to drive her crazy. Like, you don't know what you're cooking for dinner. I'm like, we own restaurants and I love to cook. Like, you're gonna eat good tonight.
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B
Don't worry.
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A
Don't worry about it. Might be 6, might be 7:30, but we're gonna eat good tonight. And so, you know, now we offer services for not just mom, but also for dad. And then now we've transitioned into. And our big thing is keeping mom with baby. Because that's the fundamental problem with women that struggle is they feel like there's no bond with their child. And so we focus on that mother baby bond. And so baby is present in therapy with mom as well as dad. And so we have a chef's demo kitchen and we partnered with the food food pantry and they bring all the ingredients in. And, you know, because you can eat for your mental health, there's, you know, and diet's a big part of it.
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B
Yes, sir.
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A
And so we. They teach them. The chef teaching them will teach them how to cook a good meal. They'll each get a box with those ingredients to come home. We encourage dad to be there because, you know, sometimes it's just nice for mom to go home. And dad, I know how to cook, but a lot of guys don't. Now he knows how to make a meal and he has ingredients. So that night, boom, dinner's easy. And I think dads fundamentally want to do more. And I think dads are doing more than they ever have. But I think when you look at, you know, labor and delivery in the United States, I don't think the needle's moved very far since the grandparents. It's very similar. But when you look at cardiology or oncology, these other areas of medicine, everything's changed from the medicines, from the technology, from. Everything has. Has grown so much. And this is an area that's been so stagnant for so long, which is exciting because it's like, we can make a big splash, and we are making a big splash. And so I've been able to participate in, you know, with Sage Therapeutics as an amazing new drug that was just. It's the first ever drug specifically for postpartum depression of mental health issues. I got to go to the FDA and testify to help that approval process, which was amazing. I participate with a group. They changed the name, but it was 2020 mom out of California, a woman named Joy Burkhard, and she's the leading group for legislative change and policy change. So go to Capitol Hill every once in a while. Got the chance to speak to about 80 members of Congress a couple weeks ago to help pass a new bill or introduce a new bill to address this maternal mortality rate in the United States. States, which is dismal. Like, we're, we are the best country in the world, but we need to do a lot better in this area. We will. I'm confident in that. And so, and then, you know, technology. I do some work with a group called Mood or Health. Really cool. I'm just constantly looking for solutions for sure to solve this problem.
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B
It's all your ingredients.
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A
Because things have a way of get complicated and never getting done. And so that's been like the foundations. Thing is, hey, let's simplify this. Let's like, we have to start somewhere, and then we can work through the problems later. And so like Mood or Health uses wearable technologies because the way it works now, for anyone seeking care for a mental health issue, it's like you have to hit rock bottom. You have to get desperate, and you have to call. You have to call a million different psychiatrists, psychologists, before you get a call back. And it's challenging to navigate. And so these wearable technologies, what they do is, you know, they, they, they know when you sleep, they know how you sleep. They know how long you sleep. They know if you're normally active and now you're sedentary. They know if you say a lot of moms that struggle with these issues have substance abuse issues. Oh, yeah. But, you know, if you use a drug, it knows your heart rate. And so now it can alert to your doctors. And your medical file, things have changed. And then they can proactively reach out to you and say, hey, are things okay? And it's amazing, like human interaction, what people are willing to tell you if you care enough to reach out and talk to them. Because everyone always asks, how's baby? No one says, how are you, Mom?
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B
Yeah, how's mom?
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A
When somebody does call and they're professional and they know they said no, how are you really doing? Because you notice you're not moving, you're not sleeping, you're having panic attacks daily now, you know, and it's a scary place to be to reach out for help because a lot of people think I'm going to lose my child if they know I'm struggling or be that
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B
vulnerable, be like, does that make me a bad parent? Am I doing this wrong?
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A
Yeah.
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B
How did I lose the ability to admit?
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A
You're struggling because the whole society tells you it's sunshine and rainbows and it's the happiest time of your life. And it's, it's the hardest, most difficult time of your life, especially if you're a first time parent. Like, you don't know what you're doing. You're learning on the fly.
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B
Yeah. Is it, is it as easy as educating hospitals to just hand out a pamphlet as you walk out? Like, what's the easy low hanging fruit to start helping moms, dads, folks that are new parents.
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A
Well, in our hospital now, there's a video called Alexis's Story. So before you get discharged, you see the story. Wow. And so in, in, in our facility is in this same hospital where labor and delivery is. So I'm a very big believer in that. Everybody tours labor and delivery before you deliver. So you're familiar with it. But like, you should also tour. You know, one in five moms goes through what my mom, my wife went through. So 20%. And so that's kind of my thing. It's like, now women in Pittsburgh have access to this care. They know where the facility is. It's easier to reach out to a doctor when you, you've already met them.
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B
Wow.
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A
My big thing around pregnancy and childbirth is, you know, there's 40 weeks, that's 10 months, 40 weeks to get ready. And there should be a bigger emphasis on fathers during this period because Mo, for the most part, and I'm guilty, just like most men in this country, I didn't go to all my, do my wife's doctor's appointments, you know, we go to sonograms, find out what the sex of the baby is. And so I think there's, you know, my obligation as a man for other men is like, take these 40 weeks to get more involved.
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B
Yes, sir.
- [29:41]
A
You know, and my do. My wife talked to so many doctors, and I could go down the weeds and explain all those experiences, how horrific they really were. I mean, it's. It's earth shattering how many times the ball was dropped. But I think that those 40 weeks should be spent with mother and father involved with the medical teams, because no doctor is going to know the woman you love the way you do. And a lot of women are good at hiding it from the world with a face, smile, masking it, but they can't hide it from me or from you. And so it's easier sometimes for you to say, hey, she's struggling. I know she's struggling. Big thing with my wife was screening, you know, for anybody that's on antidepressants. Like, you have to be screened before you're prescribed any of them because they're very dangerous. Specifically if you have a family member that suffered from bipolar, specifically suicidal. And although my wife has never had. Never struggled with a mental health disorder a day in her life, she has family members that have been diagnosed with bipolar. And so some of these meds, if there's a family history, these meds can put you in a psychosis, which is what my wife was in when she ended up doing what she did. And when someone's in a psychotic state, even though she looked as beautiful as can be, her hair was perfectly combed, her teeth were white and clean. She spoke calmly. And when we talked to the medical professionals, it was like she was speaking calmly. She was. She would grip her neck like this and slowly kind of walk away. But she was very clear what she was saying. So, you know, I always say, like, is there a right way to tell somebody that you're having thoughts of suing your. Having. Committing suicide or harming yourself? Is there a look, you know, is there a look that makes you psychotic or people, you know, for a doctor to say you're crazy? Because when we asked every time, every single doctor we talked to, to would say, you're not like them. And them were the people on the other side of the glass wall that were inpatient, and she would beg to be put inpatient, and they would say, you're not like them. Well, why was she not like them?
- [31:53]
B
We can't charge insurance companies.
- [31:54]
A
She didn't look like that. And that too, you know, and. And so it's like what does crazy look like? Is there a right way and a wrong way to. To. For them to take you serious? And I don't think they should be looking at anything. I think they should be listening to what you're saying. And so, because she's not here, I felt this immense obligation and public speaking was my biggest fear in the world. I knew you were my own wedding. But out of my love for her, now I'm speaking, you know, to a thousand people here, 500 people there. And it's been such a healing process. And I always say, like, nothing changes the world quicker than storytelling. And so it's been, you know, every time I finish, I'm, like, really proud of myself, and I'm like, yeah, say, you know, bigger audience, more, you know, more support.
- [32:40]
B
We still haven't filmed your episode yet.
- [32:42]
A
And it. And it's. And it saves lives because there's somebody that. That's listening, that needs to hear the story. Sure. And needs to know that there's hope and needs to know that there's change coming or needs to know about a new medicine I just talked about. Or about a new technology or, you know, and it might not be the person. It might be someone that loves them listening, that says, hey, I heard this.
- [33:02]
B
Sure.
- [33:03]
A
And so it saves lives. And so it was like my big aha moment. Because at hipaa, I don't get to meet all the women that come through the facility. Many of them reach out through social media. But it was. Somebody got a hold of me, and. And it was a father of a daughter that had gone through the program. And he. And he called and he got his number from somebody that he knew in Pittsburgh that knew me that. And I answered. And. And he was crying his eyes out. And he just said. He was so shook up. And he just said, I thank you. He said, I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for you. I don't think my daughter would be here.
- [33:39]
B
Wow.
- [33:40]
A
If it wasn't for you sharing your story and building this program, and my hair sticking up over my arms, but there's nothing. I can never get her back. And that's a shame. In life, you never get to go backwards, but you can change everything moving forward. And the first time somebody tells you that you saved their life, it's a pretty special feeling. And if that doesn't get the fire burning, I don't know what can or will. And so that, you know, I get these calls all the time, and so it's like, I know my path I know God's plan for me. And I'm, like I said, I'm just getting started. I plan on doing a lot more. And so that's, you know, opportunities like this, you know, it just grows it more and more and more. And the fire is burning brighter and hotter, for sure. And so that's the plan. I'm just going to keep talking and hope people listen. And you definitely got me engaged.
- [34:37]
B
And I'm listening.
- [34:38]
A
Yeah. So I think that's the big, you know, a lot of people, like, you know, I always say, and it's kind of cheesy and generic, but, like, adversity, you know, you always hear adversity builds character. Um, but when you learn how to deal with adversity in a healthy way, I always say it unlocks your superpowers. And when you go through tragedy, everybody around you is looking at you. And so you. You know, at first, when it first happened with my wife, like, I couldn't eat, so I was losing weight, and I would put my smile on every day, and people would say, oh, you look great. You. You know, and it's like, just because I didn't want people to ask me how I'm doing.
- [35:15]
B
Sure, sure.
- [35:15]
A
Because I'm dying inside. Yeah. And so, you know, I'm a big believer in talk therapy and psychology, and it's helped me so much. It really gave me a blueprint, I think, for life, how to deal with things. But when people see you go through tragedy, especially with me, it was like my wife then it was my triplet brother. And even to this day, now, 12 years later, they're like, how are you doing so well? And it's like, because I figured it out.
- [35:44]
B
Yeah.
- [35:45]
A
And so I always say, like, when you face that adversity and you get through it and, you know, you're going to be. You look in the mirror one day and you're like, I'm all right. And I always say that unlocks your superpowers. And so that's my. This is my superpower.
- [35:58]
B
Oh, no.
- [35:59]
A
Storytelling to help other people. And so now all the time, I get calls. I'm like the guy that everyone calls when the world comes crumbling down. It might not be.
- [36:06]
B
You must be very busy these days.
- [36:08]
A
It might not be maternal mental health, but everyone. Every human being experiences tragedy.
- [36:12]
B
Absolutely.
- [36:13]
A
And everybody needs a source of hope. And so people will Google something and my. My name will come up, and they'll. They'll somehow connect to me, and they're like, I want to do what you did or how did you get through it and just need advice? And so for. And that. And so many people that love me and care about me, they're like, doesn't it drive you crazy? How do you do this all the time? And it's the total opposite. I think it's such an honor and a privilege for people, when they're at their lowest, to reach out to you because you gave them hope.
- [36:43]
B
Wow.
- [36:43]
A
I think it's, you know, it's. How can you not help somebody? Sure, sure. And so I think, you know, it's like lived experience. There's no replacement for it. You can't learn it in school. You can't study for it. You just have to live through it. Live through it.
- [36:57]
B
Build your coat of armor.
- [36:59]
A
Yeah. And so I think a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol and just avoid it. So I. I made the conscientious decision, you know, immediately to just face everything head on. And I'm so happy that I did because it has fulfilled my life in ways that I cannot even begin to explain. And it's given me so many friends, so many. I have, like, thousands and thousands, all the supporters of the foundation. They're like family to me now. And so it's just been such an incredible journey. So I always encourage anyone. If you're struggling. I also like another cheesy tagline. When it first happened with my wife, I was, you know, going through. And I was in a dark place. And life's hard when you're sad and
- [37:42]
B
miserable, things slow down.
- [37:44]
A
And so I, and I. And I learned, like, you never feel bad doing something good for someone else. And that's how I started finding my joy again. Just doing little things for anybody and everybody. Doing good wherever possible, possible. And. And I always say, like, the most contagious thing in the world is a smile.
- [38:00]
B
Absolutely.
- [38:01]
A
If you want people to gravitate towards you or you, like, just put a smile on your face and the whole world get gravitates towards you. Conversely. Oh, sure, be grumpy. No one wants to be around you. You walk in a room, people scrap, scatter like roaches. Like, go back in with a big smile.
- [38:19]
B
Yeah. Energy force fields are a real thing.
- [38:21]
A
Without a doubt. Without a doubt. And so I, you know, I'm. Everyone's always concerned with me. Like, how do you, you know, like, I'm so happy, so privileged, so blessed, and so many people go through tragedy. Everyone on earth does. Yeah. But to be one of the lucky ones that gets to share my story and feel heard, it's Very different from most people that experience it. And so it's. It's very healing. I wish there were more avenues for people. You know, it's the beauty of podcast. There is more access for people to share their stories. And so. And the reality is, like, I'm the pizza guy. I don't know. I own a pizzeria restaurant in Pittsburgh, and, like, I'm the pizza guy. It sounds. Yeah, yeah. Leaving them out, leaving a mark in healthcare, you know, and so anybody can do anything, you know, especially when you have angels working overtime for. Sometimes I'm like, babe, just relax. You're supposed to be relaxing now. I love it. I love it.
- [39:17]
B
How you figured out your North Star, your divine path, my friend, I hate to interrupt you. I got to cut you short because I want to get you into the studio. How can folks follow you, find your energy online, find your restaurant, and support your message and your cause?
- [39:29]
A
So I'm on Facebook. It's even the Achille, I believe. Same thing for Instagram. I'm so bad with all the handles and social media. I need so much help in that area. But at AJD foundation, great. Facebook, I think, is at Alexis Joy D. Achille foundation or ajd foundation. My restaurants north of Pittsburgh in wexford. 2572 branch school road. We're penn five zero nine zero. Cool. The coolest neighborhood spot ever. Great bar.
- [40:03]
B
Well, if you're gonna be playing this in your bar or in a restaurant in the big screen, do you want to say anything in the camera? Do you want to have it? Do you want to call out a thing, a menu item? Encourage anyone to buy something in case you're playing?
- [40:14]
A
The whole menu is good. It's so big, and I can't narrow it down because everything sells. But, no, just a huge thank you. I have. I have the best employees. Such a great team behind me. They give me the freedom to travel, to do stuff for the nonprofit. And without a doubt, I have the best customers. My customers are amazing, and I have the best community, the absolute best community where my restaurant is. So I'm just. I'm just blessed beyond belief and so thankful for it.
- [40:46]
B
Gosh, man. Well, thank you so much for your time and energy. I'm. I'm stoked to continue our journey into the next studio. Thanks again for your time and energy. We're going to move on to the next studio. And with that, Steve, we're going to wrap up this episode of the Living youg Legacy Podcast, the Legacy Makers edition. Any final thoughts, my friend, before we wrap it up.
- [41:04]
A
Just thank you very much for. For giving me a bigger platform to share my story.
- [41:09]
B
Rock and roll, by the way, and good night.