How a Harm Reduction Advocate Turned Shame Into Power

Summary

Podcast Summary: Living Your Legacy

Episode: How a Harm Reduction Advocate Turned Shame Into Power
Date: July 21, 2026
Host: Jason Tyler (guest hosting for Rudy Mawer)
Guest: Saquan Kalabas, executive director of HOPE on Tap and harm reduction advocate

---

Episode Overview

This episode features a candid and inspiring conversation with Saquan Kalabas, an award-winning harm reduction advocate leading HIV and hepatitis C outreach. Saquan shares her personal journey through addiction, incarceration, and living with HIV, detailing how she turned her deepest shame into a platform for advocacy and leadership. The discussion delves into stigma, recovery, entrepreneurship in the nonprofit sector, and the power of sharing lived experiences to create lasting impact.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Turning Shame Into Power & Advocacy

• Saquan kept her HIV status a secret for five years, feeling isolated by shame and stigma. Recovery marked a turning point, transforming her experience into “her new platform to advocate.” (00:00–02:07)
• Quote: “Your deepest shame can become your greatest asset.” (09:03, Saquan Kalabas)
• She stresses the value of stories: sharing one’s truth lessens the isolation of others facing similar struggles and sparks connection.
  • “If you share those [stories] with other people, you’ll find the people who need to hear it... It sparks a light inside of them, and there’s so much power in that.” (02:35, Saquan)

2. Saquan’s Background & Experience

• Saquan openly discusses her upbringing in addiction, involvement in sex work, experience with the criminal justice system, and her lived reality of contracting HIV in that context.
• The turning point arrived after a harrowing six-hour attempt to inject drugs, which made her recognize the need for change. (04:28–06:36)
  • Memorable Moment: Saquan describes spending six hours searching for a vein, eventually injecting into her forehead out of desperation. (05:41–06:19)

3. Recovery & Self-Determined Change

• Saquan has been sober for seven years as of the recording day, emphasizing that meaningful recovery must be self-motivated, not court-mandated. (04:47–05:12)
• Both host and guest agree: transformation is possible only when it’s personally chosen.

4. Redefining Identity and Stigma

• Saquan highlights the power of “person-first language,” advocating for replacing “addict” with “person who uses drugs.” (10:13)
  • Quote: “Oh, you’re a drug addict. Oh, well, actually, I’m not a drug addict. I’m a person who uses drugs.” (09:55, Saquan)
• She underscores the unique wisdom held by people with lived experience versus formal education.
• Discusses the ripple effect—how sharing her story encourages others to be open, fostering a community of mutual support. (03:11, 15:13)

5. Building HOPE on Tap: Model & Mission

• HOPE on Tap is a mobile harm reduction outreach nonprofit in Utah serving people actively using drugs, those experiencing homelessness, recently incarcerated individuals, and sex workers.
• The program provides testing, links to treatment, transportation, medication delivery, help with housing, insurance, food, and more—filling critical gaps for marginalized groups.
  • Quote: “Whatever you need to improve your quality of life, we’re there for.” (13:09, Saquan)
• Saquan confronts Utah’s conservative climate and the resulting denial around drug use and sexual health, stressing that silence doesn’t make the issues disappear.
  • Quote: “Nobody in the state does drugs and nobody has sex until they’re married. We don’t talk about it. It’s not happening. News flash.” (14:31, Saquan)

6. Empowering the Community & Creating “Waves”

• Saquan details how person-to-person advocacy has grown, leading to significant opportunities, such as training healthcare professionals on stigma reduction for major pharmaceutical companies.
  • Quote: “It’s not just a ripple effect anymore. It’s a wave. You’ve created a wave across an industry.” (22:01, Jason)
• She uses her unfiltered story to create empathy and change among healthcare workers, highlighting the importance of dignity, human touch, and nonjudgmental language.
  • Quote: “I have a PhD in injection drug use.” (19:22, Saquan, on leading with lived experience)

7. Advice to Aspiring Nonprofit & Health Entrepreneurs

• Building a nonprofit “takes conviction” and a willingness to face adversity. If it’s easy, it won’t last.
  • Quote: “Seeing the importance of adversity and the necessity of adversity. Because if it’s easy, it’s probably not going to last.” (17:46, Saquan)
• Focus on the mission, persevere through challenges, and keep the greater purpose in mind: “keeping your eye on the prize.”

8. Personal Branding and Community Engagement

• Saquan shares social links and encourages others to know their health status and join advocacy movements.
  • Her Instagram handle is "onesickbitch," signaling her reclaiming of language and bold approach. (23:13)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sharing Struggles:
  “If you share those [stories] with other people, you’ll find the people who need to hear it... It sparks a light inside of them.” (02:35, Saquan)
• On the Hard Truths of Addiction:
  “I’m thankful I didn’t give myself a stroke. Who does that? ... after six hours. Really?” (05:41, Saquan)
• On Recovery:
  “This time was different because it wasn’t court-ordered... It was for me.” (04:50, Saquan)
• On Lived Experience:
  “People with lived experience are very valuable. We come from a society that looks down on us.” (09:20, Saquan)
• On Medical Stigma:
  “There’s huge medical mistrust within our communities because we’ve been treated like garbage before.” (13:05, Saquan)
• On Creating Industry Change:
  “Now I have a pharmaceutical company saying, ‘Hey ... can you train our healthcare professionals on stigma?’ Jackpot.” (18:26, Saquan)
• On the Responsibility of Medical Professionals:
  “You took an oath to treat people who are sick, period. ... Not people who are sick who make over, you know, 50,000 a year ... We’re sick, and we need you.” (19:50, Saquan)
• On Real Impact:
  “If your testimony can help create a different decision for one person, it was enough.” (10:55, Jason)
• On Creating Safe Spaces:
  “What an honor it is for me to be able to create a space where you feel safe enough to share that level of emotion with me.” (16:58, Jason)

---

Important Timestamps

• [00:00–02:18] — Saquan’s introduction, background, and foundational themes
• [04:28–06:41] — Saquan’s addiction bottom and recovery catalyst
• [09:03–10:13] — The role of shame and the importance of lived experience
• [13:01–14:38] — Harm reduction, mobile outreach, and healthcare mistrust
• [17:46–19:22] — Nonprofit entrepreneurship insights and impact on healthcare stigma
• [22:01–23:26] — The “wave” of advocacy and Saquan’s personal/community branding

---

Connect with Saquan and HOPE on Tap

• Website: www.hopeontap.com
• Facebook:
  • Personal: Saquan Kalabas
  • Organization: #knowyourstatusmovement (#knowyourstatusmvmnt)
• Instagram: @onesickbitch (spelled “b-y-c-h”)

---

Takeaways

This episode offers an unflinching look at addiction, stigma, and resilience, with Saquan Kalabas modeling vulnerability and bold advocacy. The conversation is a masterclass in using one’s lived experience as a catalyst for social change, business innovation, and personal healing—reminding listeners that sharing even our most painful stories can create ripples of hope, connection, and transformation.

“Your deepest shame can become your greatest asset.” (09:03, Saquan Kalabas)

---

Transcript

[A]

Living with HIV was something I didn't want to talk about. I kept it a secret for five years for my family. I didn't even tell my family and I was suffering in silence. But once I got into recovery and I wrapped my brain around it, I used that as like my new platform to advocate people with lived experience are very valuable. Sequan Kalabas is an award winning harm reduction advocate and executive director of HOPE on ttapp where she leads HIV and hepatitis C outreach while working to break stigma and improve healthcare access. Whatever you need to improve your quality of life, we're there for specifically with hepatitis C and HIV because 65% of new infections in Utah of hepatitis C are injection drug users. But being a religiously run state and being very conservative, nobody in the state does drugs and nobody has sex until they're married. We don't talk about it. It's not happening. News flash.

[B]

Newsflash, yes, it is happening. Can we talk about it so we can address the issue Exact. It spans the globe like a super

[A]

high cold Internet Elvis. Brandon, today Apple is going to reinvent

[B]

the it's not over until I win

[A]

the Living your legacy podcast. For those who live to leave a legacy that's extraordinary. The impossible has. Oh, that is sensational. Jordan Open Chicago. Problem with the you said is the

[B]

fastest man on the planet.

[A]

You can live your dream.

[B]

Welcome back everybody to another episode of the living your legacy podcast. I am your host for today, Jason Tyler. And today I am joined by Saquant. Welcome to the show. How you feeling?

[A]

I'm feeling excited.

[B]

Excited and blessed.

[A]

Very blessed and grateful to be here.

[B]

God is good all the time. Now you just finished recording your episode. How do you feel now on the other side of it? Relieved. I, I feel, I feel like that's. That's some feedback we get pretty often is once you get it off your chest now you're like, ah, yep.

[A]

But very excited.

[B]

Very excited. Got you. So what would you say is like the number one thing you want people to be able to take away from your story? Number one lesson that they can learn.

[A]

Number one lesson would be, oh boy, I just have to pick one.

[B]

I mean if there's multiple. If there's multiple, give them all to me.

[A]

A big one would be to not keep your story to yourself.

[B]

That's our whole ethos is make sure

[A]

you share the traumas, the night spent crying. If you share those with other people, you will find the people who need to hear it. The people who felt alone. Oh my God. I'm the only One going through this. Well, now I'm not the only one. And it sparks a light inside of them, and there's so much power in that, with connection and not feeling alone.

[B]

And it gives permission too. Right? It gives permission for other people to share. So you create. You create a ripple effect.

[A]

Exactly. That's actually something that I spoke about, was the ripple effect.

[B]

Mm. I love that. I love that. So tell me a little bit about. You know, we want to just give the opportunity for the audience to get to know Saquon. So bring me up to speed. What? Bring what?

[A]

What.

[B]

How do. How does the Quan get in this chair? How do we get here?

[A]

Well, it all started as a fetus.

[B]

We don't need to go that far back.

[A]

Just growing up in addiction. I've lived the life, man. Been to prison, lifelong addiction. You know, I was involved in sex work for a little while. Huge criminal background. And 14 years ago in that lifestyle and the decisions that I was making led me to a relationship where I contracted hiv. And that obviously was a great reason to stay addicted, to cover up the shame and the guilt and the embarrassment and the self stigma, you know, and

[B]

to just kind of like create an escape path.

[A]

Exactly. Yeah. Numb it out, keep it hidden. And then when I finally got into recovery seven years ago today, actually.

[B]

Seven years ago. Congratulations. Thank you. Wow. Seven years. Seven years today. Yeah. Today on April Fool's Day of all days.

[A]

It was actually my mom's birthday.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. I checked myself into treatment. It was like the, I think, eighth or ninth treatment that I've done over my life. But this time was different because it wasn't court ordered. I didn't have a probation or a parole officer making me. You know, it wasn't for the court. It was for me.

[B]

I find that to be kind of a narrative thread among people who go through recovery. Oftentimes, if there's an outside impetus on the recovery itself, it won't last.

[A]

No.

[B]

Unless it comes from you, then the change can last. What was kind of your aha moment? What was your. And I don't. Maybe we don't want to call it an aha moment, but what was your moment of impetus to get you to want to do it for you?

[A]

I had just spent six hours in the bathroom trying to hit a vein. And I'm talking from the feet to. I don't want to get too graphic, but just about every part of the body, under the tongue, you know, down below, anywhere. And the only vein that I could find. Find a hit was in my Forehead. And I. I'm thankful I didn't give myself a stroke. You know what I mean? Who does that? I'm gonna shoot methamphetamine in my forehead because that's the only vein I can find after six hours. Really?

[B]

Six hours in a bathroom?

[A]

Dude, come on. And that was it. I was like, you know, this sucks. Maybe I should try something different, because this just. This sucks. So that was the.

[B]

That was the beginning of.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Of, like, the real journey.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Right. Just, you know, to put that in perspective for you guys that are watching, you know, imagine spending your entire work shift, right. Spend your majority of your 9 to 5 just in a bathroom. And some of you will be like, well, sometimes I spend about four hours in the bathroom, because when boss makes a dollar and I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time. But I'm gonna lose track. I'm gonna lose track of the story here. But just try to put that in perspective. That's a long time to spend on something. Now I want to try to take a pivot here and, you know, just getting to learn a little bit about your story. And I. You know, it's funny. I had a. I had a client last week, recovered from addiction, and, you know, he. And he had seen some. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, oh, we can swear.

[B]

Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, we can cuss on here. We'll just bleep it out later.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But he had seen some shit, and he. You know, he had brought. I had gone through his whole story with him, and I think his moment was he had. His grandmother had rented him a car so that he could drive from Baltimore down to North Carolina to just get away from Baltimore, because that's where all of his suppliers were. That's where everything bad had happened to him. And instead of taking that car that he. That was rented for him, crash that car, then drove the crash car back to Baltimore because he was like, well, I gotta. I gotta get one more. Crashed it again, ended up in the hospital. It was just this whole thing. And finally wakes up. He woke up in the hospital, and he was like, damn, you know what? And his grandmother was right there, and she was like, all right, you're gonna drive to South Carolina, and I'm going to drive right behind you.

[A]

Good for her.

[B]

And that was it. And so, like, when you hear these stories of overcoming addiction is no small thing. No, it is not. You know, people are out there. Oh. Just make different choices. You're not in control of your own decision making at Times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What would you have to say to somebody out there that's like really just in the suck in the struggle of

[A]

it, Your deepest shame can become your greatest asset. You know, living with HIV was something I didn't want to talk about. I kept it a secret for five years for my family. I didn't even tell my family. And I was suffering in silence. But once I got into recovery and I wrapped my brain around it, I use that as like my new platform to advocate so taking your deepest shame. People with lived experience. And I love that it's starting to become a greater awareness in the world. But people with lived experience are very valuable. We come from a society that looks down on us. Oh, you're a drug addict. Oh, well, actually, I'm not a drug addict. I'm a person who uses drugs.

[B]

A human being.

[A]

Exactly. And I've seen things and experienced things and I could bestow some wisdom on you. Mm. You know, because we've. Okay. College education. Great. We also have educations in the school of hard knocks.

[B]

And sometimes anything. If you're anything like me, sometimes the only way you can learn a particular lesson is to learn it the hard way. I'm very hard headed. So like, I've had to learn my lessons oftentimes the really, really hard way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And to your point, your testimony is your strength.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

If you can, if your testimony can help create a different decision for one person, it was enough.

[A]

Yep. Exactly. Exactly.

[B]

My dad is a. So. My dad's a psychologist. And so I've been, you know, I've been being psychoanalyzed my entire life. And there's one thing that he says. A person is only predicated on the decisions that they make. We make 35, 000 decisions a day. Micro decisions. Am I going to breathe in or out first? Am I going to blink now? Am I going to blink later? All micro decisions. But the person you are is predicated on the decisions that you make. You can put two identical people in the exact same upbringing, exact same household, exact same parents. Those two people will make wildly different decisions and walk down completely different life paths.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so if you can change one decision you've created, you've branched a new reality for a person.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And your testimony has the power to do that. So like, I just wanted to put that out as your. Like, to your credit. Being able to share your story and help people make at least one decision differently, you've created infinite realities off of that.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I'm a firm believer in that. So talk to me a little bit about your business as it stands or your nonprofit as it stands today.

[A]

So what we do is harm reduction outreach, specializing in HIV and hepatitis C and the whole spectrum of care from. We show up, we're entirely mobile.

[B]

That's something I'm seeing a lot more of nowadays is mobile medical care.

[A]

Well, yeah, because the marginalized communities that we serve are the ones that the quote unquote, conventional medical establishment don't care for.

[B]

Yeah. Because they're. They're not even within 15 miles of a good hospital.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They've got, you know, their urgent care facility maybe.

[A]

Yeah. But people, you know, 85% of our clients are still actively using people involved in sex work, people just coming out of incarceration, people experiencing homelessness, you know, the ones who are looked down on, usually by medical professionals. You know, there's huge medical mistrust within our communities because we've been treated like garbage before. Once, you know, you go into the ER for care and you're honest and yes, I have a history of addiction, you're treated completely different. So you know what, dude? I'm gonna. You need help, I'm gonna come help you. We do testing, we link to treatment. If you don't have a ride, we'll pick you up and we'll transport you to your appointment. We'll deliver your medications to you. Hey, you need housing, let's get you signed up. Medicaid, you're uninsured, let's get you signed up. You need a food box? Shit, I'll bring you some food. Whatever you need to improve your quality of life, we're there for. Specifically with hepatitis C and HIV because 65% of new infections in Utah of hepatitis C are injection drug users. But being a religiously run state and being very conservative, nobody in the state does drugs and nobody has sex until they're married.

[B]

On paper.

[A]

And if you want to talk about anything outside of that, we're not going to talk about it. Hush, hush. If it. If we don't talk about it, it's not happening.

[B]

Which is just a false. Yeah, just falsity.

[A]

News flash.

[B]

Newsflash. Yes, it is happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can we talk about it so we can address the issue?

[A]

Exactly. I'm not.

[B]

Quiet and see, that's. I think that is just being that first voice to speak up and say, hey, hey, guys, this is happening. Just thought everybody should know. Just. Just doing that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Again, goes back to what we were saying earlier. The ripple effect, Right?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Somebody else might get up and say, hey, you know what? This is happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I mean, and now you have a whole room of people that are advocating for, you know, I wanted to ask what made you decide to run this business specifically as a nonprofit?

[A]

So I was in a relationship with someone who suggested it. He kind of got me out of my shell in terms of like openly talking about my status. And then once I started doing that, I just ran with it, you know, saw the, and the people that you least expect. I was having people come up like, oh my God, I never thought I'd, I'd meet another woman who had hiv. Oh my God. And just like their whole, you see the shift, you know, in their eyes and like, you see their walls drop and just like the relief, their shoulders

[B]

drop down, they're not guarded anymore. Just what being able to watch a person's guard drop.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is, is really, really, I think that's so special and such a, such an honor, like I say, and any of my clients that are, that might watch this, they'll know. I say to my clients all the time that come into the studio and they're on the different shows that interview with me, I have a cry counter in the studio. I've done, what am I, I'm like 92 interviews now. Out of like 92 of them, I would say 78 have cried with me.

[A]

That's probably going to be 79. I'm a crier.

[B]

Hey, you know what? I'm, I'm, I'm all for it because I wear that as a badge of honor. What, what an honor it is for me to be able to create a space where you feel safe enough to share that level of emotion with me. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I don't, I, I, I, when I tell people like, oh, I have this cry counter, I'm not like, I'm not trying to brag about it. Like, I'm not, I'm not trying to make people cry, but to create a space where you feel safe enough to really share your story, really share your emotion. That's, that's all it is for me.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Like for me as a documentarian, that's like the highest honor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For the people out there that are watching, you know, our, our viewers, our audience, they're super entrepreneurial, they're super business minded. What advice would you have for somebody that wants to get into maybe starting a non profit, maybe getting into providing medical care in a different way? What advice do you have for them about the road that lies ahead?

[A]

It's a lot of work, but it takes conviction and if you know that that's what you want to do, seeing the importance of adversity and the necessity of adversity. Because if it's easy, it's probably not going to last.

[B]

And if it was easy, everybody would do it.

[A]

Exactly. So, I mean, I've. I've hit some roadblocks. It's. My nonprofit has just organically turned into this. Something I never in a million years thought I would be doing. But keeping your eye on the prize, knowing what your mission is. Because one doctor heard me speak about stigma in the medical field, who then spoke to another doctor about it. Fast forward. Now I have a pharmaceutical company, big pharma, saying, hey, do you want to come and maybe train Every year, it's called speaker training. Like, we train some of our healthcare professionals, doctors, nurses, like, big time, on stigma. Can. We've never done a training on stigma. Can you. Would you be interested in doing that? Jackpot. So now, like, I've traveled to Las Vegas and San Diego. From San Diego, I got booked for Atlanta. From Atlanta, I got booked to Brooklyn. From Brooklyn, I got books to Phoenix. Like, it's just. And I show up. I don't have a PhD or an MD or NP behind my name, right? I like to say I have a PhD in injection drug use. And they all just, like, they laugh, but at the same time, it's like, oh, okay, so she's, she's going to drop something on us. And I tell them, like, this is what a day in the life of us looks like before we end up in front of you. And I challenge them. You are a doctor, you're a medical professional that took an oath to treat people who are sick, period. Not people who are sick who make over, you know, 50,000 a year, or people who are sick who only watch soap operas or drive Mercedes. No, you took an oath to treat people who are sick, and we're sick, and we need you. And I just explain what our day looks like and how no matter how tough we look on the outside, like, we're really scared. And then I give them basics. Dude, it's really simple. And it baffles me every time, like, I walk off the stage and I, you know, because they're crying and I'm crying. Just like, person first language. Give us our dignity back. Meet us in the middle. Don't say, well, you. You have to do it this way or that way or get out. Like, that may not work for us in our complicated lives. And body language, the simplicity of body language and, like, human touch. Give Us a hug after our appointment.

[B]

Put a hand on a shoulder.

[A]

It's exactly what I was gonna say.

[B]

Hey, dude.

[A]

It was. I'm so proud. Hey, it's good to see you. I don't care if you're late. You made it. You know, and then I always end it by thanking them. Like, I know you guys get wrapped up in, like, the patient after patient after patient clinical routine, and you probably don't hear it enough, but thank you. Like, from my community to yours. Thank you. Because you're saving lives, and it's not a small feat. So by the time everybody's crying, it's like, I got him.

[B]

You almost got me.

[A]

You want me to keep going? I can't.

[B]

I gotta. I gotta keep it together. I got one more interview after this. I just want to give you your credit for, because the work that you're doing is really incredible. And, like, it takes. You know, we've spoken about it a couple of times. The ripple effect, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's not just a ripple effect anymore. It's a wave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Created a wave across an industry. And I think that's, you know, really incredible work that you're doing. If. If anybody out there. Guys, if you're still watching at this point, I want to make sure that you check out her episode of Women in Power that will be coming out shortly after this podcast episode drops. So make sure you stay tuned for that. Where can people find you on socials, on the Internet, on the world wide web at large? If they want to learn more about your story, get involved, volunteer.

[A]

So My website is www.hopeontap.com and that's H o P E O N T T A P p dot com. My personal Facebook is Saquan Colus. The organization Facebook is hashtag know your status movement mvmnt.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

Because it's important to know your status.

[B]

I will make sure that we have all of this somewhere on the screen. I'm pointing in directions. I have no idea where we'll put it, but we'll put it somewhere on the screen.

[A]

And Instagram is onesickbitch spelled B Y

[B]

C H. And you know what I like? I like that. Branding.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Guys, again, if you're still tuned in at this point. What an incredible story. What an incredible human being. I want. I just wanted to say it's been an honor.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

To have you on the show and to, you know, get to hear your story. Make sure you guys tune in for her episode. And again, this has been another episode of the Living your legacy podcast. I am your host, Jason Tyler, and I will catch you guys in the next one.