She Almost Lost Her Life Building Mercy

Summary

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Living Your Legacy with Rudy Mawer

Episode: She Almost Lost Her Life Building Mercy

Guest: Shabana Markar (Founder, Mercy Mission)
Date: May 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and deeply personal episode, humanitarian leader and entrepreneur Shabana Markar (the “Mercy Queen”) sits down with host Rudy Mawer and guest interviewer Ray Gutierrez to discuss her life’s work: building the Mercy Mission and spreading kindness, empathy, and self-compassion through enterprise and advocacy. Shabana candidly shares the harrowing challenges she faced—including a near loss of life just before this very podcast—her family inspiration, her unique “trifecta” business/non-profit model, and her advice for cultivating self-worth and living a legacy centered on mercy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Personal Cost of Compassion ([00:00]–[04:33])

• Shabana’s Journey: Shabana describes the tremendous hardships leading up to the podcast, including skepticism and discouragement from others, which culminated in a personal crisis.
• Vulnerability: She discloses attempting to take her own life due to the culmination of lifelong pain, recent criticism, and hopelessness before her acceptance to the show.
  • Quote: “I actually almost lost my life over the podcast...I was being called stupid and told it was a scam...I gave up.” – Shabana Markar ([04:00])
• Significance of Survival: For Shabana, simply being present in the conversation became a victory and a testament to resilience.

2. Defining Mercy and the “Trifecta Model” ([01:53]–[07:50])

• Mercy Queen Explained: Her nickname stems from a commitment to self-compassion and encouraging dialogue about mercy and kindness.
  • Quote: “Mercy is something that is usually unexpected...it comes to you when you need it the most...even if you don’t deserve it.” – Shabana Markar ([01:56])
• The Trifecta Model:
  • Business Arm: Mercy Mediterranean—a restaurant with the goal of “spreading mercy with every bite.”
  • Nonprofit Arm: Miracles for Mercy—dedicated to charitable work for women, widows, orphans, and trafficking survivors.
  • Podcast/Community Arm: The Mercy Queen Podcast, facilitating conversations around mercy and self-compassion.
  • Charity Integration: 2.5% of restaurant revenue goes directly to nonprofit causes.
  • Quote: “If you’re going through my drive-thru one day, you’ll be like, ‘Welcome to Mercy Mediterranean, where we believe in spreading mercy with every bite.’...2.5% will automatically go into the nonprofit model.” – Shabana Markar ([07:08])

3. The Family Backstory: Love and Resilience ([05:36]–[07:50])

• Parental Inspiration: Shabana’s father grew up in poverty in India, raised on a single plate of rice among 10 siblings; her parents’ story was a model of compassion, love, and faith.
  • Quote: “The reason I actually like being Muslim...is because he raised me to be very non-judgmental. He taught me faith through love.” – Shabana Markar ([05:53])

4. The Real Meaning of Legacy ([08:43]–[09:51])

• Reframing Success: Shabana insists that legacy is not about money or status, but about the impact made on others’ hearts.
  • Quote: “Money does not define your success...it’s really how many people and how many hearts you touched and how kind you were and how empathetic you were.” – Shabana Markar ([08:43])
• Self-Kindness: Emphasizes the importance—and difficulty—of being loving and forgiving to oneself, especially while weathering adversity.

5. Advice for Healing and Self-Compassion ([09:51]–[13:40])

• Cultural Struggles: Ray shares his struggles with cultural expectations and critical upbringings; Shabana responds with tools for self-compassion.
• Practices Suggested:
  • Forgiveness: Begin by forgiving oneself.
  • Sensory Self-Care: Use scent, food, treats, or exercise to nurture oneself positively.
  • Quote: “When you are faced with the unknown...breathe through your suffering...talk kindly to yourself...breathe into kindness for yourself, then you’re able to offer it to others.” – Shabana Markar ([10:35])
• Small Acts: Do for yourself what you naturally do for friends—send a meal, light a candle, give yourself grace.

6. Facing the Darkness – Surviving Crisis ([13:40]–[16:34])

• Hitting Rock Bottom: Shabana shares losing her father, drowning herself in work, and the importance of not numbing emotions.
  • Quote: “Never numb yourself to feel. If you need to cry, cry. It’s totally okay...It’s okay not to be okay.” – Shabana Markar ([13:50])
• Mental Health Realizations: Her stay in the psych ward connected her with others, showing her that those in pain are not “crazy”—they simply don’t know where to place their pain.
• What Helped: Reaching out, building a safety net, and understanding her own value.

7. The Ripple Effect of Good ([17:04]–[19:12])

• Immediate Impact: Shabana recounts how, within 72 hours of leaving the hospital, she helped a refugee secure a job interview and provided food to friends in need.
• Gender and Cultural Criticism: She often faces doubters who judge her priorities, but she draws motivation from helping those most vulnerable.
  • Quote: “If you have someone telling you that you’re not a good mom...you lessen your own value...But the difference is not how much money you make...it’s the little things in life that you may do that make a huge impact.” – Shabana Markar ([18:10])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the essence of mercy:
  “The world needs love and kindness and empathy more than ever right now.” – Shabana Markar ([09:47])

• On survival and gratitude:
  “The journey here was not just about almost missing a flight...it was also a journey where I actually almost lost my life over the podcast.” – Shabana Markar ([03:22])

• On the work ahead:
  “I really believe that my model, if people will support it and watch the podcast and support what I’m trying to do—I mean, I’m inspired by many—so I just hope that people will support what I’m trying to do.” – Shabana Markar ([13:32])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00]–[04:33]: Shabana’s journey to the interview & near-death crisis
• [05:36]–[07:50]: Origin story & the Mercy “trifecta model”
• [08:43]–[09:51]: Redefining legacy beyond money or status
• [10:35]–[11:45]: Advice for those struggling with self-kindness
• [13:40]–[16:34]: Coping with loss, mental health crisis, and authentic emotional expression
• [17:04]–[19:12]: Creating ripples of good in the world & confronting criticism

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Final Takeaways

Shabana Markar’s episode is a powerful testament to the impact of everyday acts of compassion—both for others and oneself. Her personal openness about pain, setbacks, and the journey to self-love make a moving case for measuring legacy not through accolade or wealth, but through empathy and the lives touched. Through the Mercy Mission’s innovative business and nonprofit approach, Shabana models how mercy can become a global movement—beginning with the smallest, kindest steps.

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“When you realize your worth and you realize your value, that’s where mercy begins.”
– Shabana Markar ([19:06])

Transcript

[Shabana Markar]

The journey getting here was really, really difficult. It was a lot more difficult than it seems. I actually almost lost my life over the podcast because before the podcast happened, the 48 hours when I got accepted, I was being called stupid and I was being told that it was a scam and.

[Narrator]

Shabana Markar is a purpose driven humanitarian leader, entrepreneur, and the founder of the Mercy Mission. Drawing from her passion for service and community impact, she empowers women in underserved communities through outreach, advocacy, and initiatives rooted in compassion, faith, and lasting change.

[Shabana Markar]

If you're able to stand tall every day and just be kind and loving towards yourself and forgiving towards yourself as well as everyone you meet, the world will change. And the world needs love and kindness and empathy more than everyone. The difference is not how much money you make and it's not how many awards you win. It's just the little things in life that you may do that make a huge impact. And so when you realize your worth and you realize your value, that's where mercy begins. It spans the globe like a super high cold Internet.

[Unidentified Guests]

Elvis.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Brandon.

[Unidentified Guests]

I agree. Today Apple is going to reinvent the fall. It's not over until I win. The Living youg Legacy podcast. For those who live to leave a legacy that's extraordinary. The impossible has happened. Oh, that is sensational. Open Chicago with the lead. You said Paul is the fastest man on the planet. You can live your dream.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Welcome back to another powerful episode of the Women in Power podcast for Inside Success. I'm Ray Gutierrez. Today, joining me is quite a unique, powerful woman. I'm going to let her introduce herself, but I heard she's called the Mercy Queen. That is quite the name, ma'. Am. Tell us more about this.

[Shabana Markar]

I have a podcast called the Mercy Queen because I've developed a trifecta model that I'm working on with a lot of heart. The Mercy Queen podcast. Mercy is something that is usually unexpected and sometimes it's defined as something that not only is unexpected, but it comes to you when you need it the most. And it also comes to you sometimes if you don't even deserve it. And that's usually kind of the cognitive definition of mercy. And kindness is something that should be encompassed for everyone and every human being. So I'm called the Mercy Queen because I tried to encompass self compassion. I'm very. And self awareness as well. It's a dual thing. So the Mercy Queen podcast is all about having a system where people come together and talk about all venues of mercy, whether it's mercy and depression, mercy and Grief, mercy, and self love. And so that's what the Mercy Queen podcast is about. But it's part of a trifecta model that I've developed in my business model as well as a nonprofit model that I've had that are emerged as a triad that I've developed.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Wow. Before we get into the triad, as I do in my triforce here,

[Shabana Markar]

first

[Ray Gutierrez]

of all, 10 hour flight, you sprinted, you're in Miami. Talk about the journey getting here. Having this conversation with me, the journey

[Shabana Markar]

getting here was really, really difficult. It was a lot more difficult than it seems because when I first got accepted to this podcast, it was a huge honor and my best friend is with me, who's just my. She's with me and she's my soulmate. But the journey here was not just about almost missing a fight and having to run sprint like 20 minutes within 10 seconds, get on the flight. But it was also a journey where I actually almost lost my life over the podcast. Because before the podcast happened, the 48 hours when I got accepted, I was being called stupid and I was being told that it was a scam and it really, really hurt me. And so actually overdosed on June 11, and I was in the psych ward for five days because I kind of lost hope. And it was not encompassing self compassion for myself because all the pain that has ever hit me in my life, from like childhood, from being bullied to the day that I was accepted to the podcast, I just gave up. And so coming here today and being alive to be here is like a huge honor.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Okay, sorry.

[Shabana Markar]

I know it's a lot more than what you asked about the flight.

[Ray Gutierrez]

I told you what's gonna happen today. No, I warned Lauren. I'm like, today I'm gonna cry. I don't know why. So thank you for that. That's a new one. No, that's a new one. That's a new one. No. Because I know exactly why you're here and I'm very thankful for that someone that really deserves mercy and doesn't quite get it. So I found and discovered in my life, the higher you rise, the more you're going to get tested and pounded. You almost missed your flight. You almost expired on your own account. Boy, have I been there. And yet we're still here in a tiny, cramped room on south be having this conversation as if nothing ever happened. So we deserve to be here. We deserve to be merciful for the trifecta. I'm so curious to learn more about you. We are literally about to walk on stage and I'm going to sit down with you. I'll be Barbara Walters and we're going to get to learn more about your story. I've heard one part of this trifecta. What are the other two parts? Besides making me cry?

[Shabana Markar]

Sorry. So my father is a huge inspiration in my life and my mom and they, they have the fairy tale, they have the notebook story, they have, if it was made into a movie, it was probably the most romantic love story I've ever witnessed in my life. So I was raised by a very soft, loving, kind, forgiving father. And the reason I actually like being Muslim is because of the way he raised me, is because he raised me to be very non judgmental. And he taught me faith through love. There was nothing but love and forgiveness that he taught me. And so he was actually an orphan of ten brothers and sisters. And he actually, his mom at the time, in the 50s, didn't work in India. Like they didn't get to work. So when she had the 10 kids, there was no option to feed them except to rely on other family members. And so he used to have literally like one plate of rice for three days for 10 kids. And that's how he grew up. And so with my mom and my dad just growing up, they knew what hunger was. And my mom eventually came to America. And it's a pretty long love story. But long story short, the model itself is based on a restaurant base called Mercy Mediterranean. And the logo for Mercy Mediterranean is spreading mercy with every bite. So I also have a nonprofit model aligned to this trifecta model called Miracles for Mercy, which is already established. You could [e-mail] so the goal one day is to globalize into healthy. And I also have Luna halal taqueria. So I have two models.

[Ray Gutierrez]

So why just drop taqueria, like no big deal.

[Shabana Markar]

So, so the goal is basically one day to globalize mercy and lunas all over the world. But 2.5% will automatically go to charity. So if you're going through my drive thru one day, you'll be like, welcome to Mercy Mediterranean, where we believe in spreading mercy with every bite. And on that month, it'll be helping widows or helping orphans or helping with trafficking. And so 2.5% will automatically go into the nonprofit model. And then basically we're spreading mercy through food. Because if you think about it like, right, hunger is an issue, but it's not. But the reason the podcast is so important is because how do we. You don't have to celebrate Something. Right. Like, I might be Muslim, you might be Hindu, you may not celebrate something, but you have to respect it.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Absolutely.

[Shabana Markar]

And you have to learn to cultivate respect for difference. And so when you come to my restaurant, the feel is, come as you are, be who you are, Feel love. And we don't do sodas, so we do. We do, like, you know, basically healthy fruit option drinks, or we do like, sparkling water. So if we were to go in the future, 10 years forward, imagine having a healthy food industry where you're getting a salmon salad or chicken salad, and at the same time, you know, it's going to charity.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Wow. Have you been to Miami before?

[Shabana Markar]

I actually have gone to Florida during hurricane season, so that was, like, many years ago.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Fantastic time.

[Shabana Markar]

Yes. And we actually went to Disney World. But I have been to Florida before, but I don't believe. Yeah.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Well, I'm glad you're here. Your energy is obviously resonating through our walls. What will people learn? Well, actually, what will I learn interviewing you for your Women in Power episode that we're about to do in a couple moments.

[Shabana Markar]

I believe that the biggest thing to learn is that kindness is a virtue that everyone needs. And I think that one thing that I've learned in my journey in the past two years is that, like. How do I say this properly? Money does not define your success. Right. And power is not executed by the amount of status that you have and personal belongings do not attribute to your happiness. Right. So when you really look at that and you look at the legacy that you want to leave behind in the world, it's really how many people and how many hearts you touched and how kind you were and how empathetic you were and how. But in also imbibing that for yourself. And that's probably the hardest lesson that I've learned when I've been knocked down is to have love for myself, compassion for myself, but a mental awareness that also allows you to change and grow and develop. Because if you're able to stand tall every day and just be kind and loving towards yourself and forgiving towards yourself as well as everyone you meet, the world will change. And the world needs love and kindness and empathy more than ever right now.

[Ray Gutierrez]

I completely agree. You're speaking to someone who has generational grime, as I like to put it. And I'm. I'm half Cuban, and the other half is Nicaraguan. My. My culture is about suffering and. And suffering and more suffering, as in, like. And then when we rise, we talk down to each other. We're very Critical about. And you know, I'm Latino as a male, like it. I'm, I'm, I'm a stereotype. So I'm always sort of constantly fighting those stereotypes internally. So what do you tell to folks like myself that are not. That don't understand what grace is, that what is merciful to yourself to not be so hard to yourself, to give yourself a pat on the back? What do you tell folks like me? Where do we start? Is lighting a candle? Journaling?

[Shabana Markar]

No, I think part of self compassion is just not only being aware, but just being very, very forgiving. I think. Like when, when I look at, for example, my best friend who's here, she had four children and she's going to probably not be too happy about me talking about her, but she had four children and she was widowed at the age of 23. And she had a choice to go back to Afghanistan or she had the choice to stay in this country. And she's kind of like, don't talk about me. But the point being is that she stood strong and she didn't have a cheerleader, she didn't have someone waiting her on at that time. She had to make a tough decision to stand on her own. And so when you are faced with the unknown or what's scary or, or just in life, when, when things get hard, being mentally like breathing through your suffering. Because if you breathe through it and you get through the next moment and the next moment, but while breathing through it, talk kindly to yourself there, even if other people aren't being kind, remind yourself how kind and self aware you should be into that kindness. Because if you breathe into kindness for yourself, then you're able to offer it to others and you're able to see from the lens of love.

[Ray Gutierrez]

The lens of love, huh? What are some exercises someone can practice? This is just saying good morning to a random stranger.

[Shabana Markar]

So I really like, I really, I think prayer and I think something that really seems very simple, but it's something that really helps is I think perfume or if you like scents. Sensory things are very, very important. I did a podcast with someone named Emily Wyant, and she has a book that she created. I'm going blank right now, but happens

[Ray Gutierrez]

to me all the time.

[Shabana Markar]

Sorry. Happy by design. And she talks about how the sensory things can really help a person heal. So for me, when I'm stressed, I will bathe in perfume. And I didn't bring perfume with me, so I'm a little bit lost, but I have a little bit of Dior that I Brought with me that I'm gonna spray for the next. But I mean, not using sensory things that are negative. I mean, you could something like an addiction like food or alcohol that could spiral to the negative. Or you could use candles or you could use walking or breathing or exercising. Or like, when I, when I'm really upset, I'll even treat myself to like, sushi, like a nice, nice, you know, sushi meal. So, like, the point being is that no agree buffet. No, but the thing, what I'm trying to say is that, like, you're off sometimes you may doordash for that friend who's sick, or you might do something nice for someone else. But what about yourself? Yeah, you're worth that kindness too. You're worth, you're worth that shopping spree. People don't realize that they're worth their human worth and their value. And if you start realizing how important every human being is, then hopefully some of the things that are happening in the world that are causing so much dissension will be erased. And I really believe that my model, if people will support it and watch the podcast and support what I'm trying to do. I mean, I'm inspired by many, so I just hope that people will, you know, support what I'm trying to do.

[Ray Gutierrez]

I apologize for talking, but you, you sat here and just told me that you almost expired with so much love. And how does one go that dark?

[Shabana Markar]

I think I went that dark because I think when you're offering, like, love and you're offering love and you're offering love and you're always trying to forgive and you're always trying to be kind, it wasn't for me, like, it wasn't for me like I was bothered by business debt or it was more like everything from childhood that came into fruition. I also recently lost my dad in December, and I didn't even grieve. I think I was just so busy working to pay off debts, I was working 14 hour shifts to make a comeback with Mercy Mediterranean. Because I'm in a little bit of a loss right now. And so I just numb myself to feel, which is not a good idea. Never numb yourself to feel. If you need to cry, cry. It's totally okay. I think it's. I think it's very powerful. And I think even crying in public, I mean, I think we're told like, okay, when you're at work, but there's times even when I'm at work that I've had patients hug me and make me feel good. I'm having a bad day. So we always feel like we have to put on a facade as human beings, so we have to pretend we're okay. But the greatest answer that I could give you is, it's okay not to be okay. And the moment of darkness just hit where I just had like a moment of maybe temporary insanity where I was just mad and I was just like, I don't want to do this anymore. And it was almost like a challenge to God. Like, hey, God, is it going to be like the dark side is going to win or is God going to keep me alive? And I woke up like I was drunk. Like, my friend found me and she says, did you drink alcohol? Because I've never had alcohol. And she was like, are you drunk? And then five days later, I was out of the hospital. But in being honest with that, when I was there, it was a beautiful experience because I met like beautiful people in the hospital. And I started to realize, even with mental health, that some of the people that are hurting, they're not crazy. They're just inflicted with pain. And they don't know what to do with their pain. They don't know where to place the pain. So it's like people are just human. And I think we like to label people. She must be Muslim, so she doesn't speak English. She's Latino, like, you know, and people just trademark people to what they think they should be or how they should be. And people are so much more.

[Ray Gutierrez]

So there's so much more than just the binary offer on. It's so much more than that.

[Shabana Markar]

But to answer the question, in short, I think with the dark side, I just think I had a moment of just frustration I didn't handle well. I don't think I used the skills that I know at that moment because I was just so tired. And I think that's the candle of hope that I want to light is don't be so tired that you give up. Make it through the next moment. And now that I know I did that, I have my lifelines and support. I have things that I realize that if I ever get that dark again, I better make some phone calls or just show up at someone's door at two in the morning and be like, hi, I'm here. I need help. Because we have so much value. Everyone does.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Well, this conversation alone is adding so much value to my moment, as you just called it. I'm hoping I'm adding value to you as well. I can tell you right now, you're back on the path like there's no coincidence that it took you 10 hours to get here in the middle of like. And we're having this conversation. So I'm very happy to be a part of your journey as you're a part of my at this very moment. So thank you for that, for, for that mercy. Is there anything else that you'd like to speak about? A plug on the podcast before we cut and then move on to your

[Shabana Markar]

full on interview, I just want to say a couple more things. The day that I got out of the hospital, there was a woman who was a refugee. She has a two year old son. And I've been applying to a hospital job for her for a long time. She doesn't speak much English and, and this is just to kind of trademark sometimes the critics. So she, she got called the day I got out of the hospital, she got called for a video interview that I had to help her with that night and the next day. And so I realized that I expired. She would never have been able to do the interview. Another thing that happened is a friend of mine who's struggling called me and he said that shabana, like the, the bags of rice that you gave me, will last me for a year. And another thing that actually happened was that sometimes I'm, I'm kind of as a woman, which is a struggle. As a woman, I'm told that I may not care for my family, I may not care for my children because I'm trying to start a business. It's very unconventional for a Muslim woman to be doing what I'm doing. And I mean, not entirely, but in some ways it can be. And I'm always kind of attacked and, and people say like, you have children, why not just focus on your kids? You already had a good job, why did you take this risk? And for me, it's like I have a beautiful 7 year old and a 17 year old, but I think a lot about the 7 year olds and the 5 year olds that don't have food, that don't have shelter. So my passion comes from spreading love and empathy through this model. And the reason I share this is because if you have someone telling you that you're not a good mom, like the day that I also came back, the next day, I had to take my son to soccer practice and he did not know that there was a bathroom on site. And he was like, mom, yeah, I can't go to the bathroom. I don't know that there's a bathroom there. And I said, baby, of course there's a bathroom at the soccer field. And so when you start devaluing and hating listening to the critics, the outer critics that are hating on you, you lessen your own value. And when I came back, these three things happened within 72 hours. And I realized that had I not been here today to speak with you, had I not made it like I would not, the difference is not how much money you make and it's not how many awards you win. It's just the little things in life that you may do that make a huge impact. And so when you realize your worth and you realize your value, that's where mercy begins.

[Ray Gutierrez]

Well, I'm eager to conclude this episode of another powerful episode of the Women in Power podcast. I'm eager clearly to begin your episode. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it there. I'm let the room settle. Clearly. I need a moment again for Women in Power podcast with inside Success. I am Ray Gutierrez.