The Long View: Joy Loverde on Planning Ahead for Care Needs as You Get Older

Episode Date: December 9, 2025
Hosts: Christine Benz, Amy Arnott
Guest: Joy Loverde, Author and Elder Care Consultant

Main Theme

This episode explores the complexities and necessities of planning ahead for care needs as we age, driven by the expertise and real-life experience of Joy Loverde, author of The Complete Elder Care Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I'm Old?. The conversation unpacks the emotional, financial, and practical dimensions of aging—and how to have proactive conversations about care, housing, independence, family dynamics, and end-of-life planning.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Joy Loverde’s Journey and Motivations

• Personal Context: Joy shares her background as a lifelong caregiver and her shift from advertising to elder care advocacy, influenced by her experiences with family and volunteering in nursing homes.
  • “The people who are attending these programs of mine are not only family caregivers, but explaining to me that they are wondering who's going to do that for them.” (01:53, Joy Loverde)

2. Evolving Nature of Family Caregiving

• The traditional model—children caring for parents—is shifting, with many now concerned about their own future care, especially as more people age alone.
• Joy’s marketing background led her to identify a gap and write her second book specifically addressing solo agers. (04:41)

3. Setting a Positive Vision for Aging

• Joy urges listeners to use “time travel” as a planning exercise: talk to people 20-30 years older to learn what successful, enjoyable aging looks like and what can help avoid regrets.
  • “The concept of time travel is actually communicating with people who are way older than us to give us hints as to what it might be like.” (05:59, Joy Loverde)

4. The Consequences of Not Planning

• Facing a sudden diagnosis like Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s can be “too late” for ideal legal, financial, and personal preparations.
  • “We need to think way, way in advance that if this happens, then I have my legal documents in order and I have my financial house in place.” (08:07-08:36, Joy Loverde)

5. Family Care Dynamics & Emotional Toll

• Joy describes the Italian model of multigenerational living as emotionally positive but recognizes most Americans live differently now, highlighting the importance of intentional communication and support networks. (09:54-10:50)
• The emotional contradictions of caregiving—love mixed with anger, stress, and guilt—are normal. Therapy and honest conversations with friends are highly recommended.
  • “There are so many emotions at any given time, and they come out of left field all the time.” (11:43, Joy Loverde)

6. Setting Boundaries & Navigating Sibling Dynamics

• Boundaries prevent burnout: communicate needs clearly, involve siblings, and don’t default all tasks to one family member.
  • “It's all about communicating clearly. But that's not always easy because… we get afraid.” (13:13, Joy Loverde)
• Sibling relationships often fraught; family meetings (without parents present) are crucial for hashing out responsibilities. (15:13-16:23)
• On gender roles: Caregiving roles disproportionately fall to women, particularly eldest daughters; Joy encourages more equal participation from male siblings.
  • “If we don't [assert ourselves as equals], shame on us.” (17:09, Joy Loverde)

7. The Centrality of Housing

• The most critical issue for aging is housing—where you live dictates your support network and ability to access help. Isolation in suburbia can set up failure, while “life plan communities” or dense urban buildings support informal networks.
  • “Where you live matters... We will depend more and more on our friends and our neighbors.” (19:07, Joy Loverde)

8. Pros and Cons of Aging in Place

• Possible if you have strong social ties, sufficient finances, ability to manage staff, and remain healthy.
• Challenges include social isolation, declining ability, managing in-home help, and technology gaps. (21:29-22:19)
• Aging in place “has a shelf life”: for most, there comes a time when transitioning to a community setting is safer and healthier. (22:19, Joy Loverde)

9. Assisted Living and Institutional Care

• Quality varies; families need to research facilities carefully, prioritizing settings that acknowledge emotional and spiritual needs.
• Family involvement often drops when someone moves to assisted living—preparing for that reality is crucial.
  • “Family estrangement has been skyrocketing… Family could go away at any given time and they do.” (24:21-27:05, Joy Loverde)

10. Creative Housing Alternatives

• Trend toward forming small private communities (e.g., seven friends purchasing a home and hiring staff).
• Joy herself lives in a naturally occurring retirement community (NORC)—a high-rise with multi-age, supportive, organic bonds.
  • “People are taking it upon themselves to create their own home environment… but eventually that whole falls apart.” (28:33-30:54, Joy Loverde)

11. Planning for Solo Agers

• Three keys:
  1. Financial security
  2. Community-centric housing
  3. Clear legal documents (including addenda for situations like Alzheimer's)
  • “People who live alone need to make sure that they are financially secure.” (31:59, Joy Loverde)

12. End-of-Life: Hospice and Death Doulas

• Not all hospice care is equal; interview multiple providers and get referrals.
• Death doulas (privately hired) offer compassionate, robust support for both individual and family.
  • “A death doula is… someone who helps you and the family through the process of dying and death.” (37:31, Joy Loverde)

13. Facing Death and Talking About It

• Western culture often hides death; encouraging open dialogue, especially with children, can normalize the end-of-life experience and maintain important family connections.
  • “People are so afraid of death… they even go so far as to keep a child away from the funeral or the wake. And I think that's a big mistake.” (38:58-40:13, Joy Loverde)

14. Utilizing Professionals and Technology

• Establish relationships with professionals (geriatric care/life plan managers, financial planners) sooner rather than later; “test drive” your support. (40:36-41:34)
• Technology can assist but isn’t a complete replacement for personal, human connection. Start with small steps: encourage smartphone adoption before exploring advanced solutions like robotic helpers. (41:34-43:42)

15. Overcoming Overwhelm: How to Start Planning

• Advice for the overwhelmed: Just start. Pick something small from the book’s table of contents, do one task, and build momentum from there.
  • “Just do one thing. That's it. Put the book away. Accomplish one thing.” (46:51, Joy Loverde)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On The Evolution of Care:

  • “It's no longer 'I'm going to take care of somebody', it's also 'who's going to take care of me?'” (01:53, Joy Loverde)

• On the Importance of Planning:

  • “If you are diagnosed and have no plans in place, then unfortunately it may be too late to have exactly what you want.” (08:07, Joy Loverde)

• On Sibling Relationships:

  • “If we're lucky enough to have siblings in a caregiving situation, first thing you would need to do is have a family meeting and get it all out in the open, the good, the bad, and the ugly.” (15:47, Joy Loverde)

• On Housing:

  • “Where you live matters. And why it matters where we live is because it's all about an informal network of help.” (19:07, Joy Loverde)

• On Starting Small:

  • “Just do one thing. That's it. Put the book away. Accomplish one thing.” (46:51, Joy Loverde)

• On Embracing Male Caregivers:

  • “I tread lightly… and once they do, they find out that it is one of the most rewarding experiences they've ever had.” (17:49, Joy Loverde)

• On Technology:

  • “I'm not a believer of technology taking over caregiving anyway. So what happens is I just usually start slowly and introduce the idea of a smartphone…” (42:03, Joy Loverde)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction and Joy’s background: 01:20–04:17
• Why planning for your own care matters: 04:41–05:20
• Vision boards and “time travel” for aging: 05:20–07:40
• Health crises and the urgency of early planning: 07:40–09:38
• Emotional challenges for caregivers: 11:10–12:52
• Caregiving boundaries and sibling dynamics: 13:13–17:09
• Housing decisions—why and how they matter: 19:07–22:19
• Assisted living and family disengagement: 23:39–27:05
• Creative and community-based housing options: 28:15–31:42
• Solo aging: planning and prioritizing: 31:42–33:09
• Legal steps including Alzheimer’s provision: 33:09–34:24
• Hospice and death doula guidance: 34:24–38:23
• Emotional candidness about death: 38:23–40:13
• Working with professionals and integrating technology: 40:13–43:42
• Book, movie, and resource recommendations: 44:01–45:36
• How to get started despite overwhelm: 46:27–48:06

Resource & Book Recommendations

• Book: My Mother’s Money by Beth Pinsker (praised as a practical and emotionally resonant guide for managing caregiving and finances) (44:27, Joy Loverde)
• Worksheet tip: Use the books’ table of contents to pick just one actionable step at a time. (46:27–48:06)

Tone & Takeaways

Down-to-earth, candid, and empathetic, the episode balances practical advice with acknowledgment of the heavy emotions and family dynamics often involved in aging and caregiving. Listeners are encouraged to start somewhere—no matter how small—and to initiate conversations early with family, friends, and professionals.

For Further Learning

Visit JoyLoverde.com for worksheets and downloadable checklists. Consider community resources like Chicago’s Renaissance Center for seniors and connect with area agencies on aging.