0073. Che Durena and Ian Lara

Summary

Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo – Episode 0073

Guests: Che Durena & Ian Lara
Date: December 26, 2025
Platform: GaS Digital Network

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Episode Overview

This episode of Zac Amico's Morning Zoo is a riotous pre-holiday hang with comedians Che Durena and Ian Lara. The trio dives into personal stories about slacking off in school, cheating, weird online memes, conspiracy theories, the economics of supplements and self-help scams, bar and road life, rough party stories, the seedy side of low-budget filmmaking, and absurd sports controversies. It’s a wide-ranging, unfiltered, and hilarious conversation, peppered with deep dives into pop culture, stand-up life, indie film hustle, and the joys (and risks) of getting older and (maybe) wiser.

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Key Topics & Highlights

Holiday Vibes, Senioritis, and Early Slack (00:23 – 05:00)

• Zac introduces the show and guests with high energy and jokes about “senioritis” as the crew wraps their pre-holiday shows.
• They reminisce about the feeling of not caring after getting into college early and relate that to adult life and workplace burnout.

“I got into college… my senior year? I fucking threw out my backpack.”
– Zac Amico [02:22]

• Discussion about cheating in school, from stealing answer keys—like Che’s self-described “Robin Hood” antics—to Scantron Morse code strategies and the social value of being crafty.

The Purpose of School & The Worker Bee Theory (04:23 – 06:25)

• Zac shares his “conspiracy” about American public education being a system designed to produce obedient workers, not leaders.

“The whole point of public education is to weed out possible middle management and get them ready and turn everyone else into worker bees.”
– Zac Amico [04:40]

• Ian and Che agree that while school subjects might not matter, learning social skills, time management, discipline, and conversational craftiness does.

Agartha and the Meme-ification of Conspiracies (06:42 – 15:20)

• Che introduces “Agartha,” a Gen Alpha meme derived from Hollow Earth conspiracies, now laced with absurdist and pseudo-racist overtones.
• The hosts hilariously try to unpack how memes like Agartha and characters like Charlie Kirk and Yakub have infected youth culture, serving as taboo, layered inside-jokes for the “unserious” internet generation.

“If you look like—my buddy… is a lifelong construction worker… he had to like, go through like a monster rehabilitation to stop drinking Monster.”
– Che Durena [08:29]

• Tangents into Admiral Byrd’s (not Bragg’s) Antarctic expedition and how vague, unprovable stories serve as perfect fuel for conspiracy theorists and meme culture.
• Discussion of astral projection claims (the “artist who could see Jupiter’s rings”), rabbit holes, and how quickly any fringe subject leads to “the elites.”

“There’s an artist who claimed he could astrally project… They had him do it for one of the planets that we didn’t know had rings… And then we went there and he nailed it.”
– Zac Amico [12:02 - 12:41]

Debunking Magic, Supplements, and Making Money the Shady Way (15:09 – 18:46)

• The guys break down viral mentalists and “magic” tricks—how most are basic sleights or set-ups disguised as psychic powers.
• The conversation morphs into fake internet gurus, supplement scams, and the modern hustle of selling image-based snake oil.

“I think that’s the path to make money now… you, you lie, but in the process of lying, you make $20 million.”
– Che Durena [15:50]

• Specific callouts: Alpha Brain, Mark Wahlberg, and the supplement industry’s huge margins: “You’re selling them an astronomical amount of product that costs you nothing to make.”

– Zac Amico [16:50]

Pickup Artists & Male Self-Help Scams (18:47 – 22:26)

• Zac shares tales of a friend obsessed with “The Game” and DVD-era pickup artist culture.
• The depressing reality: these schemes weren’t about “getting pussy,” but about conning insecure men with obvious advice repackaged as secrets.

“All the advice they give is basically: be presentable, take care of yourself, be nice, ask questions and listen.”
– Zac Amico [20:04]

• Che describes self-help grifts targeting men, exploiting insecurity, and selling “courses” with arbitrary rules.
• Discussion on how actual charisma, not canned tricks, matters more—especially for comics who gain fleeting status on stage.

Comedy Road Stories: Parties, House Dangers, and Misadventures (22:27 – 28:19)

• The comedians trade wild tales of post-show parties gone wrong: comics nearly shot by irate boyfriends, being stranded in the woods, getting kidnapped, and party rules (“never go back to the party”).
• Zac’s golden road wisdom: never follow to a second or third location—especially not casinos or hometown bars packed with rivals.

“You never want to go to some local yokel shithole bar because now you’ve lost your powers… And you’re in enemy territory.”
– Zac Amico [23:09]

• Che and Ian admit to breaking these rules for good stories (“the disaster is half the fun”), but with age, the afterparty loses its appeal.

The (Un)Glamorous Side of Bar Life and Getting Older (28:20 – 38:28)

• After-parties, after-hours, and the sought-after “lock-in” experience—a bartender closing the doors for a true insiders’ party.
• Che describes seeking an authentic after-hours coke bar in NYC and getting more than they bargained for: “And the coke was so good, dude, it was so good…”

– Che Durena [29:54]

• The progression of partying: with time, the thrill fades, hangovers worsen, and the clarity of chilling with a laptop or video games wins out.
• All three express increasing reluctance to risk “tomorrow Zac” for fleeting fun.

“That’s something I started asking myself—how is tomorrow Zac gonna feel about this decision?”
– Zac Amico [36:09]

• Joke about how, when not “chasing pussy,” there’s no good reason to stay up late.

The Flyers Announcer “Blow Me” Incident – Cancel Culture in Sports (39:55 – 43:48)

• Zac brings up a recent controversy: a Flyers announcer accidentally caught on-air making a dirty joke.

“The funny thing is that he still had his announcer voice… would you mind blowing me?”
– Zac Amico [41:15]

• The crew agree incidents like this are only fireable in today’s climate—formerly, this would have been a slap on the wrist, especially in “mean” towns like Philly.
• Tales of Philly sports fans causing chaos: “...they threw batteries at Santa.”

– Zac Amico [42:26]

• The hosts riff on Philly’s pride in their rough reputation.

Skid Row & City Decay: The Dark Side of Touring (44:12 – 48:43)

• Horror stories of Oakland, the Tenderloin in San Francisco, Vancouver’s roughest neighborhoods, and the prevalence of homelessness, addiction, and “hostile architecture” (e.g., spikes to deter sleeping).
• Che describes Montreal’s “homeless cage” story, where someone was locked inside gates overnight.

Low-Budget Filmmaking: Hustle, Scams & Odd Jobs (48:43 – 68:43)

• Zac recounts housing a “boxcar hobo” on a DIY film set: a stinky, unwashed art department guy, hired sight unseen, who ends up getting drunk, urinating on himself, and selling Zac’s old student film as his own.

“He took his dick out and started pissing in his own face while he was asleep. And he had his crew badge on with the name of the production.”
– Zac Amico [51:22]

• Broader discussion about life on ultra-low budget horror sets, the tradition of “producers” as local dentists, film grifting, and “found footage” genres (Blair Witch, Paranormal Activity).
• How to raise money for a bad movie: rich parents, crowdfunding, scamming doctors, giving one actor (e.g., Nicolas Cage) almost the entire budget for name value.
• Inside story on nearly hiring Cage for $500K on a $750K indie movie, and how he’s “crazy like a fox” with eclectic purchases for tax purposes.

“Nick Cage was $500,000… and no script. This was when he was, like, in tax trouble.”
– Zac Amico [67:03]

• Che and Zac riff on shifting priorities and the joy of building a bizarre IMDb page: “I want to have one of those IMDBs… 150 movies and they’re all garbage!”

– Zac Amico [58:29]

Nicolas Cage & Modern Indie Horror (68:08 – 70:35)

• Defense of Cage’s work ethic as a “working actor” despite weird career choices.
• Recommendations: Mandy (“banger!”), Pig (good Cage performance), Long Legs (“ass”).
• Movie nerd deep-dive into psychedelic fight sequences and what makes low-budget horror fun.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On School & Cheating

• “Dude, I cheated. I’d love to cheat… I’d steal the answer keys off the teacher’s desk… and hand them out to other kids. I was like a fucking Robin Hood, dude.”
  — Che Durena [02:57]

• “This lets me know you’re gonna be okay.”
  — Ian Lara on Che’s Scantron pants code [04:32]

On Conspiracies & Meme Culture

• “Why does it have to be white? Why can’t it just be cool people?”
  — Ian Lara [09:18]

• “I found like, Westside High School… they put their teachers up, ‘Accepted to Agartha, denied from Agartha.’ That’s how you’re cyberbullying your teachers.”
  — Che Durena [11:08]

On Supplements & Hustle

• “Supplements cause jack shit to make… You’re selling them an astronomical amount of product that cost you nothing.”
  — Zac Amico [16:41]

On Pickup Artist Grifts

• “If somebody’s coming up with a magic trick, he’s trying to fuck me.”
  — Zac Amico [21:47]

• “All the advice they give is basically: be presentable, take care of yourself, be nice, ask questions and listen.”
  — Zac Amico [20:04]

On Comedy After-Parties

• “Never go back to the party… If you meet a girl at a show and she’s like ‘we’re all going back to a party at my house’—no. There’s always some dude there who’s like ‘who the fuck is this guy?’”
  — Che Durena [23:27]

• “That’s something I started asking myself—how is tomorrow Zac gonna feel about this decision?”
  — Zac Amico [36:09]

On Low-Budget Film Hustle

• “I want to have one of those IMDBs… 150 movies and they’re all garbage!”
  — Zac Amico [58:29]

On Partying with Age

• “If you’re not chasing pussy, what am I even doing up this hour?”
  — Che Durena [37:26]

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Important Timestamps

• Cheating in School Tales: 02:26–05:55
• School as Worker Bee Training: 04:40–05:38
• Agartha & Hollow Earth Memes: 06:42–11:41
• Astral Projection & Conspiracy Deep Dives: 11:47–14:01
• Debunking Magic, Supplement Hustles: 15:09–18:47
• Pickup Artists/Self-Help Scams: 18:47–22:26
• Comedy Road Stories, Party Warnings: 22:27–28:19
• Party Evolution & ‘Tomorrow Zac’ Philosophy: 36:09–38:28
• Flyers Announcer ‘Blow Me’ Incident: 39:55–43:48
• Skid Row, City Decay Tales: 44:12–48:43
• DIY Filmmaking Horror Stories: 48:43–66:58
• Nicolas Cage Budget Math: 66:58–68:08
• Nicolas Cage Movies/Mandy Rec: 68:08–70:35

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a wild carousel of comedic storytelling, irreverent conspiracy dissections, old-school hustling, and the comforts of aging out of the party scene. Zac, Che, and Ian deliver nonstop laughs, surprising life lessons, and a heap of inside-baseball details about both stand-up and scrappy filmmaking.

Plugs:

• Ian Lara: “Material Boy” special on YouTube
• Che Durena: Podcast “Two Goons,” live at Comedy Store (LA) Jan 8, Stand Up Live Phoenix Feb 19
• Zac Amico: Instagram @zackisnotfunny, tour dates at punchup.live/zachamico

Key Quote:
“That’s something I started asking myself—how is tomorrow Zac gonna feel about this decision?”
— Zac Amico [36:09]

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For podcast fans and new listeners alike, this episode perfectly captures the chaos and glee of Zac Amico’s Morning Zoo.

Transcript

[Zach Amico]

VRBO makes it easy to claim your.

[Shay Durano]

Dream summer spot with early booking deals. From homes with pools to poolside loungers. When you book a vrbo, you don't have to reserve any loungers. They're all yours. Get that early booking [e-mail]. fill ER up. You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

[Zach Amico]

Wake up, it's time to go. Zach Amico's got a show. Animals are here to play jokes Some guests to start your day Tell the sandman no more sleep Eat some eggs and cook some beef Laughter's waiting, don't be shy Stretch your legs and touch the sky Grab a coffee and join the crew It's Akamiko Morning soon. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Well, howdy do, Monday. Happy holidays, Zoo fans. I almost said the wrong show. Wow, look at that. It's your other boy, the international superstar Zach Amico. And thank you for joining us here on the Morning Zoo here on the GAS Digital Network. I got two heavy hitters across the table from me today. From his new special material Boy, it's our friend Ian Lara. How you doing?

[Shay Durano]

I'm good, brother.

[Ian Lara]

Thank you for having me, man.

[Zach Amico]

Is his mic on, guys?

[Ian Lara]

Is it on?

[Zach Amico]

I don't think his microphone is on. Try again, buddy.

[Ian Lara]

What about now?

[Zach Amico]

Hold on. Jorge's coming to fix it. We got technical. There we go. Try it again.

[Ian Lara]

Thank you for having me, buddy. I appreciate it. Happy holidays.

[Zach Amico]

Happy holidays. My pleasure. And from two goons is our great friend, Shay Durano. How you doing, bud?

[Shay Durano]

How are we doing, guys? I'm doing good, man. Yeah. I'm excited to go on the Christmas season. I like Christmas, so I'm excited for it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun, man. Thank you guys for being here. This is our last day at gas. We pre recorded the rest of the week. So a little senioritis. Ready to fucking hit the road?

[Shay Durano]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Ready to fucking relax.

[Shay Durano]

What's senioritis?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's what they call it when you're in your senior year of high school and you stop giving a shit.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, fuck yeah. When you walk it in, dude. Oh, I love walking it in, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I had it hard. I got into college. Early admission. Yeah. So I found out in like November. I got into college.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

My senior year. I fucking threw out my backpack.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. You're like, what the fuck do I need this for?

[Zach Amico]

I quit every club I was in.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Teachers would like walk up to me and be like, hey, you have this meeting, this meeting. I'd be like, I got into college already?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, I'm done. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

[Zach Amico]

What are you gonna call? Nyu?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

You went to nyu?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

You were, like, a really smart kid.

[Zach Amico]

Very good at taking tests and bullshitting.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Nice.

[Ian Lara]

It's like, most important things in life.

[Zach Amico]

Not book smart at all, but I could really fake my way through.

[Shay Durano]

Did you cheat?

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude, I cheated. I'd love to cheat. Yeah?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Dude, when I was in middle school. No, high school. I would steal the answer keys off the teacher's desk for math class, and I would scan them, and then it would hand them out to other kids. And then one time, the teacher ripped it up and threw it in the garbage, like his. The answer key. And I went in the garbage, I took out all the pieces, I taped them together and then did the same thing. I was like a fucking Robin Hood, dude.

[Zach Amico]

I fucking got caught taking the answer key to the vocabulary class, like, the. The vocab book.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

And I got caught and I got. I got suspended. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Damn. Damn.

[Ian Lara]

One time. One time I. I cheated, and the teacher And I got, like, a 94. And the teacher was like, there's no way. Like, you gotta retake the test. I know you cheated. So he was like, tomorrow, you're gonna retake the test. So I studied that night to retake it, and then I got, like, 102 on the.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

And then he was like, no, but we're keeping with the 94. And I was like, why?

[Zach Amico]

Well, he gave you the same test again.

[Ian Lara]

He gave me the same test.

[Zach Amico]

That was stupid. It should have been. Yeah, it should have been other shit.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude. One time I got. I for sure got caught cheating. She couldn't prove it, but she was like, you scored so high. Like, you never score this high, right? So she made me redo a test, and I didn't study, but it was a scan Tron test. So what I did is I had a series of dots on my pants that were the answers to all. Like, if it was one dot, it was an A. If it was two dots, it was a B. And it was all the answers all the way down my pants. And so I just, like, came in with, like, a long shirt. And then I just would glance down at my pants to see this, like, code I had made.

[Ian Lara]

But, see, like, that makes you more prepared for life than that test.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, 100%. Like, how did I get myself?

[Zach Amico]

No way. Whatever that test was on was something you needed, right?

[Ian Lara]

Like, this lets me know you're going to be okay.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, but that you did it. That I'm that crafty.

[Ian Lara]

A Morse code. Morse code Scantron cheat.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, I feel like. Because I don't know. This is weird conspiracy, Zach. So I apologize. The whole point of public education is to weed out possible middle management and get them ready and then turn everyone else into worker bees. Okay. Because if you look at who funded public school in America.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It's like the Rockefeller. Like all these huge businesses.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

With the idea of they want from the time you're a little kid to be indoctrinated into nine to five.

[Shay Durano]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Or whatever. Lunch break. Yeah. You have a boss who has a boss who has a boss who has a boss. There's no chain of command where you're ever gonna.

[Ian Lara]

Right. I don't even think this is a conspiracy theory. This is just like a good observation.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You're never gonna be in a position to make a decision.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. You're always gonna have to answer to somebody so that when. Later. That's your shitty factory job. You're used to it. Because you've been treated like that since you're five.

[Ian Lara]

That's pretty good.

[Shay Durano]

And none of it matters. None of it. Like, a friend of mine, they have a kid and their kid's a little unruly and, like, is doing really bad in school, and I was like, dude, don't worry. I was like, I did bad in school and now I interview porn stars and I make more money than all my friends.

[Ian Lara]

But I think it matters, just not in the way we think.

[Zach Amico]

Like, it doesn't. Like socialization.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, the social. Like you doing the cheat code, like that lets you know, you'll feel. Probably figure it out. So that matters.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, that matters.

[Ian Lara]

But not like, the subject.

[Shay Durano]

No, the subject. The. The details, the structure. None of that shit matters.

[Zach Amico]

It's socialization. It's time management.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I think it's. Yeah, it's. It's present. Like, I think presentations are very important because then that's how you're going to, like, get by.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

By talking your way through shit.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, 100%.

[Ian Lara]

And the discipline of showing up at a place.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Ian Lara]

Stuff.

[Zach Amico]

Now that's. That's what's important.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Speaking of conspiracies, please, are you. Are you into Argartha? Have you been in. Do you know about a Garth.

[Zach Amico]

I know nothing about.

[Shay Durano]

You know.

[Zach Amico]

But you got to fill me in, dude.

[Shay Durano]

So this is like, in my timeline, like, crazy. So there's a new trend and it's like Gen Alpha, I think it is. And it's so. It's like the youngest kids are now really into a Gartha, which is apparently a kingdom which is inside Hollow Earth and is like a paradise. And then in Agartha is Yakub. Yakub's in Agartha. And there's like, it's. I think it's supposed to be some kind of white Paradise. I'm not 100% sure.

[Zach Amico]

You just call it paradise. Yeah, but there's.

[Shay Durano]

There's some sort of racial aspect to it. And then in all the memes I'm getting, it's Charlie Kirk, but he has blonde hair. And he's telling you that you need to save Agartha. And then it's Yakub telling you that you need to save Agartha. There's some sort of racial element to it that I don't quite understand. But the kids love it. They love it.

[Zach Amico]

I'm fascinated. Friends in the booth. If you could give me some more info on that, because that is so. It's. Do you go there when you die?

[Shay Durano]

So I think it exists now, and it's about trying to get there. You like unplugging from the Matrix. You can go to Agartha. It's not just Agartha itself. Cause Agartha itself was a previous conspiracy that was a civilization in Hollow Earth, but now it's been co opted into this like, yeah, Charlie Kirk, Yakub, white paradise kind of thing. And drinking white monsters part of it too. I don't know what it is, but it's some sort of power source.

[Zach Amico]

Okay. So I have a lot of friends that are going. I have. I have a lot of friends who look like they should have a white monster in each hand.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100.

[Zach Amico]

Like Pete Angelo, like, yeah, those guys, like, they have the trucker look.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dude. Like you're. If you look like. I thought it was a joke, but my buddy, one of my good buddies is a like a lifelong construction worker. And he like, he's like, I quit monster. He had to like, go through like a monster rehabilitation to like, stop drinking monster. He was drinking so much monster.

[Ian Lara]

Now the garter. Like, I mean, this is how this sounds fun white paradise. But do people believe this? Like, like, or is it just fun to talk about?

[Shay Durano]

I think some, like, really, really crazy people really believe it, but I think the young kids have co opted this and have now everything is so unserious that, like this idea of like sort of like a white exclusive paradise, where Charlie Kirk is still alive is like the. It's like, the most taboo thing you could talk about. And so they're like, oh, this is the funniest meme. So. Because every. Nothing is serious, right?

[Ian Lara]

But why does it got to be white? Why can't it just be, like, cool people?

[Shay Durano]

I think. I don't know why. I don't know why. I think because it's racist, makes it more taboo, therefore funny. Yeah, that's why I think they, like.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I think it's the. For the lulls. Okay, so this is the idea of Hollow Earth.

[Shay Durano]

Yes, this is. So this is the idea of Agartha inside Hollow Earth. But I don't. That's only one aspect of the meme. This existed from a long time ago. So there's. What's his name? You know, you're no ammo. Bragg.

[Zach Amico]

Right, okay.

[Shay Durano]

Admiral. Do you know Admiral Bragg?

[Zach Amico]

I don't believe.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude. Admiral Bragg, he. So this is a big conspiracy theory. He went to Antarctica for an expedition. It's like the last expedition to Antarctica. And he came back, and then he did one public conference, and he said, there are more natural resources in Antarctica than the rest of the world combined. And then he was silenced, and then he never spoke publicly again. So there's rumors that he found the tunnel, the Hollow Earth, it's in Antarctica. And that's why. It's like. If you look at the maps, it's like you go in from the top of the Earth and kind of shit.

[Ian Lara]

Okay, that's a hilarious thing to do, because you could go to Antarctica, come back, and just say that without anyone silencing you. And everyone be like, they're silencing their silence. And people are like, we're not. He can talk.

[Zach Amico]

You just got, like, the top of Mount Everest. Yeah, there's a Teddy bar up there.

[Ian Lara]

But I can't say anything else and then just stop talking.

[Shay Durano]

Also, if you go to Antarctica and then you find nothing and it's all horseshit, you're like, you come back, like, it sucked. You don't want to do that. We spent fucking whatever. Millions of dollars, and it sucked.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. It's got to be crazy expensive to.

[Shay Durano]

Even crazy to do an expedition to Antarctica. Crazy.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I didn't even think of the fucking cost of that.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. But I don't understand the meme. I don't know if the Gas Digital folks can. Can give us a breakdown of the meme, but it is.

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure there's, like, a meme breakdown site.

[Shay Durano]

So yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is it like Slenderman, though, where they're, like, into it.

[Shay Durano]

They're into it. They're. Yeah. And then now some kids are making. I found. Because it got so deep into my algorithm, there would be, like, very small Instagram pages that have, like, a thousand followers that are like Westside High School. So it's some specific high school. And it would. They put their different teachers up and they'd be, like, accepted into Agartha. Denied from Agartha. And that's the thing that's going on.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

So that's how you're cyberbullying your teachers now, by letting them know who goes into our Gartha. Who can't.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

It's crazy.

[Zach Amico]

That's fucking. That. I love it. I love every part of it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I think was you I was talking about. We were. I was deep on the guy who was astral projecting.

[Shay Durano]

No.

[Zach Amico]

There's an artist who claimed he could astrally project.

[Shay Durano]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And he. They would give him coordinates on Earth.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he would just meditate and tell them what it looked like.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he was nailing it.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

Damn. Like, shit like that. He had no. Like. Yeah, they're giving him very specific places, and he's giving, like, photorealistic descriptions.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. There's a plant over here. It's this color.

[Zach Amico]

And then he. They had him do it for, like, Jupiter.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or one of the planets that we didn't know had rings.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he said, there's this. There's a lot of storms. He goes, and they have rings. And they go. That doesn't have rings, you idiot.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then we went there and he nailed it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And when that happened, they classified every fucking thing they did with him.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, really?

[Zach Amico]

All black. It went like in a. They blacked out everything that they had done with him from public.

[Shay Durano]

Who's this guy? I gotta look up this guy?

[Zach Amico]

He's an artist. Fuck. I talked about him.

[Shay Durano]

He's an artist.

[Zach Amico]

That's crazy, by the way. I know this is crazy talk because me and Kurt Metzger were screaming at each other about it.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, yeah. Was Kurtzker.

[Zach Amico]

And we both agree. We're both for it, but we're both. We were both just yelling over people about how cool it is.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. That is fucking nuts. Dude. Dude, I. I did a pod where it was. It was Kurt Metzger. And then. Fuck. Who else was on the pod? Oh, and it was Sam. Tripoli.

[Zach Amico]

Okay.

[Shay Durano]

Dude, the speed in which you get to the Elite's fucking kids.

[Zach Amico]

It's like real quick. Yeah, I did one with Kurt and.

[Ian Lara]

Well, the first commercial.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I did one with Kurt and Dave Landau. And that was all. It was all.

[Shay Durano]

The whole thing. The whole thing. It's like. And then they're doing it like this. They're doing it like this, dude. Have you guys gone to the Epstein files? You look into the files a little bit?

[Ian Lara]

No, that got tied up this weekend. But you know, I don't. I'm not a conspiracy theory guy like that. But I do go like. I like recently, my algorithm. You know that dead mentalist I was making arounds on all the podcasts.

[Zach Amico]

Sure, sure.

[Ian Lara]

There's like a dude that was like debunking all his stuff, like showing exactly how he did.

[Zach Amico]

I went down that rabbit hole.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Cuz I'm like, it seems like really real. Obviously it's not magic. But you're like, how is he doing it?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

But then he. The guy goes on to explain. Like, how he's doing is actually really, really simple. Like, it's real. Like real simple stuff, really.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he did.

[Ian Lara]

He went on like, we might be drunk. He. He showed how he did it to those guys.

[Shay Durano]

How? What does he do? I haven't seen this.

[Ian Lara]

It's a lot of like, tricks. There's like tricks and stuff. Like all of it is based on a com. Like a conversation you'll have before you come into the booth to record the podcast. Like a lot of times one of the guys says, what he. He'll do is like, he'll be like, look, write this down. Like in a note. Write down the name of something in a notepad and you rip it out and keep the paper just so, like when we're live, you don't try to switch it up on me. Like when I guess it right. Just so you don't try to be like, no, it's wrong. Cause I'm gonna be like, well, open the paper. But what happens is when you write it on a notepad, the name stays in the notepad even when you rip it off.

[Shay Durano]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

Like when you're at a check, right.

[Ian Lara]

So he already knows it. And then you have the pay. You have the paper in your pocket. And then when he's doing the thing. Oh, but the paper never gets brought up. But you see, he showed like in a couple podcast, the people like, they're like, you guys never spoke. And he's like, well, just like outside, when he told me to write it on the note.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

And on one of the podcasts, he was like, I mean, it was Your notepad that I written. That I wrote on. He kind of like talks over quickly.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

But I still think it's cool. I don't want to ruin this guy's, like, career.

[Shay Durano]

No, no, but, no, but he's doing it to himself. He's explaining it himself. Right.

[Ian Lara]

Well, the problem, the problem with him is why the Internet hates him is because he's. He's pretending that it's like real magic. Like, he's pretending that he has, like, a skill when. When everyone's like, no, if you're doing these tricks, it's cool as hell.

[Shay Durano]

Just do. Yeah, just do the tricks.

[Zach Amico]

Don't say you're superhuman.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah. He's like, these are. These are superhuman things that I can teach you if you buy my book.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, he's trying to sell bullshit. What's his name? Liver King.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

That's why people get mad. They're like, the tricks are cool, but just don't say that you're, like reading.

[Shay Durano]

I think that's the path to make money now is you see it with a bunch of these guys where it's like, you, you. You lie. You straight up lie, but you in the process of lying, you make $20 million. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I'm pro that.

[Shay Durano]

And then you get sued for five.

[Ian Lara]

You're like, good.

[Zach Amico]

You're still good. Yeah, I, I think the thing. And I love my job here on the GAS Digital Network and I respect everything we do.

[Ian Lara]

Sure.

[Zach Amico]

Long live supplements.

[Shay Durano]

Supplements. The supplements.

[Zach Amico]

So, like, I've. I can't remember who it was said they were talking to. Mark Wahlberg.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he was like, kid movies, all that shit. Fuck that. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Supplements.

[Zach Amico]

It's. Well a. Cause he's super religious.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Super America. Yeah. And he has like a program. He sells supplements.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he says they cause jack shit to make.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. And they.

[Zach Amico]

And it's. If somebody's taking them, they're not taking a bottle. They're doing it for a year or two.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

To find these results.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So you're selling them an astronomical amount.

[Shay Durano]

Of things of product that cost you nothing to make. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you just slap your name on it, dude.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, that's.

[Zach Amico]

That I think is the, like, that's going to be the, the thing, like, you know.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

On it by Alpha Brain.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, Brain. Yeah, it's.

[Ian Lara]

I take Alpha Brain.

[Shay Durano]

You need to get a product. I know, like a lot of these influencers, they make. Alpha Brain does work, though. Alpha Brain works. It fucking. It totally works. And it makes my dreams.

[Ian Lara]

You're like, selling Alpha Brain.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. By the way, I got my own Alpha brain.

[Zach Amico]

Is Alpha brain. Hey guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our good friends. It's small batch Cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Having a cigar in the house is a sign of class, elegance, good taste. Things I don't have. Luckily, we have our friends at small Batch Cigar to help us out. They have free shipping on every order with almost every order arriving within two to three days. In the continental United States. They have the most thorough packaging in the industry. Comes with that Boveda pack. So your cigars come super fresh. They have an amazing selection of rare, unlimited and hard to find cigars. And you get 5% rewards points instantly. Head on over to smallbatch cigar.com today. And most people click the new button first to shop the newest arrivals. And if you use our discount code GAS10, you get 10% off plus 5% reward points. So try that out, guys. That's code GAS10@smallbatch cigar.com. small batch cigar. Simple, fast, small batch. Let's get back into the show.

[Ian Lara]

Did you see what the mental he went on Rogan? Do you see what he did to Rogan? Like he guessed his pin code and they tried to debunk that and they were like, well, we honestly believe he hired a private investigator to follow Joe Rogan around.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, really?

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, because even Joe was like, Joe got like kind of annoyed about it.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, of all the people to how easy it would be to look over his shoulder when he said.

[Ian Lara]

Well, Joe was like, well, I got another pin. Guess the other pin. And he was, he kind of was like, nah, I don't do the same trick twice. Yeah, I think it's cool though. Shout out to him, buy his book. I don't want him to sue me.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I had a friend growing up who is a lady now. Nothing wrong with that. No, that's good friend.

[Ian Lara]

That's great.

[Zach Amico]

But when we were hanging out, we were in a band together and at the time he was very into the book, the game. Oh, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

That's like the pickup.

[Zach Amico]

Pickup artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mystery.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But that book was written by the same guy who wrote like Manson's book and Jenna Jameson's book. But this is his book. That's from his perspective. He's usually a ghostwriter.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he basically joins this world of pickup artists.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And my friend joined. He got like the full DVD set. Oh. And it was called Real Social Dynamics.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And one of the guys in the book was the guy, the mystery.

[Shay Durano]

Mystery, whatever.

[Zach Amico]

It Wasn't mist. It was one of mystery students.

[Ian Lara]

Mystery had a show, right?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. The pickup artist show. And basically the, the whole book. The game was kind of like how they started this movement.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But really what they were doing, it wasn't about getting pussy.

[Shay Durano]

No.

[Zach Amico]

It was about conning losers.

[Shay Durano]

Dude, that's.

[Zach Amico]

Dude, if you look, all the advice they give is basically be presentable.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Take care of yourself. Be nice, ask questions and listen, dude.

[Shay Durano]

That if you look at. There's the answer take kind of started it and now there's a. It's. Now it's, it's. It's waning. But there was the wave of like male self help that was going on and it really was just dudes like, who's the most insecure group of men? How do I prey on them and then just feed them shit. Feed them shit that makes them feel insecure about themselves. And like, I'll fix this about you. Are you a pussy? Like, or no. If you do this, you're a pussy. So it's like if you eat with your right hand, you're a pussy. And people are like, I do that. And if you're insecure enough, he goes, I'll fix it. And then you buy the course. And the course is just bullshit. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This was like a 20 DVD set.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And if you paid extra, he would answer one of your questions on the next dvd.

[Shay Durano]

Oh my God.

[Ian Lara]

Did now your. Your friend who's now a she. Did he previously actually pick up women, like doing this? Like, did it work at all?

[Zach Amico]

See, the thing is, if it works perfectly good already. Already. And he was just insecure.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So he was a very good looking young guy. Yeah. Very talented musician. But probably a little autistic.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I think his problem was the, the initiation. So in the book, the thing and then basically when you read the book, the game mysteries thing is like the learn a shitty magic trick. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. They all love to do magic.

[Zach Amico]

They do. But then that became.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Kind of a faux pas. Because the bitch is caught on to.

[Ian Lara]

Everyone does magic.

[Zach Amico]

Oh. If somebody's coming up with a magic. He's trying to fuck me.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah. No one's doing magic innocently. No.

[Zach Amico]

My favorite thing in it was it was for guys with absolutely nothing to provide conversationally.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is just walk up to a chair and be like, did you see that fucking fight outside?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And make up a fight.

[Shay Durano]

And then just, oh, I think I've seen this one.

[Ian Lara]

I've seen, I've seen this trick.

[Zach Amico]

I see. But yeah, make it up just to start a conversation.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Thing. And there was things in the book that made sense, which was like, phone number. Useless.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

A phone number is fucking. It's a nothing thing. Okay. It doesn't have to be real.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You want social media.

[Shay Durano]

Okay.

[Ian Lara]

Really? Because I feel like that's easier to.

[Zach Amico]

Get than the number, but that's what you want. If a girl's like, I'll give you my number. Different. You want social media and you want. You never want to go to a second or third location.

[Shay Durano]

Never.

[Zach Amico]

No. If a girl's like, we're gonna go. Because now the dynamics are different. So, like, think about. I put it in context of us, right.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You talking to a girl at a show after show. You're the man.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Even if you didn't do great.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You were the man on stage. You controlled the room.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You never want to go to some local yokel shithole bar because now you've lost your powers.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you're in enemy territory because that bar is full of dudes who either hooked up with her years ago.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or have been trying to fuck her for 15 years.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And now this asshole comedian. Yeah. Walks in with her.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And now these guys want to fuck your night up. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. That was. There's an old Canadian comedy road rule which is never go back to the party. Like, if you can't. If you meet a girl at a show and you're on the road, don't. And she's like, oh, we're all going back to a party at my house. No, don't go back to the house. Because then you're like, if there is some dude there who's like, oh, who the fuck is this guy? You're. You got no backup. You're. You're at her house with their friends, and they're like, who the fuck? Which is a rule I've broke several times. Several times I've gone back to the house almost every.

[Ian Lara]

Not going to go back.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

These rules are good in theory.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

What am I going to not.

[Shay Durano]

It's if. When it goes good, it's great, but if it goes bad, you're fucked. Like, what was. I won't say his name. I don't think he would care because he's told this story many times, but I won't say his name just in case. One comic in Canada, he went back to the house banging the girl. Girl's boyfriend comes home and is like, who the Is this guy pulls a gun and is like, I'll kill you. And he's like, no. And he manages to get out of the situation, but she drove him there, and she's not gonna drive him back. His phone's dead. He walks through the. Like, he's in the middle of nowhere. He's like, walking along a road through the woods and gets to a gas station. Is like, hey, can I please have a phone charger? And they're like, no. And then he has to walk to another gas station to get a phone charger and then charge his phone and so he can go back to his hotel. Dude.

[Zach Amico]

No.

[Ian Lara]

I mean, that's one of those comedian stories that I'm 100 sure happened. But I. I think that for that story is worth going back to the house.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You roll the dice.

[Ian Lara]

You can tell this on podcasts for years. This is gold, man.

[Shay Durano]

It's such a good story. He's not even here. I'm telling the story.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, exactly. It's so good. I had a comic, he was telling me a story, and this is a story he didn't even tell. But he was just telling it to me at a diner. And like, he went. He got kidnapped in Mexico, like, trying to talk to a girl and woke up in the back of a pickup truck. And I'm like, I wish I had that story. That story is so good. I wish I could just tell it. He's woke up with, like, a shotgun in his face in the back of a pic.

[Shay Durano]

Jesus.

[Ian Lara]

And they were like. He was like a white guy. They were asking him for money. He was like, you got the wrong white. I have none of that.

[Shay Durano]

I have not. And they just let him go.

[Ian Lara]

Well, they beat him up like he. And then he had to walk back. Like, he just walked back into, like, a town.

[Shay Durano]

Holy. They beat him up bad out there.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he's like.

[Ian Lara]

They beat him up pretty bad. Like, he had photos and stuff. He got, like, black eyes and stuff. Like, dude, that story's fucking amazing.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. See, I guess maybe it's because I'm lazy or maybe because I'm a pussy now. I am the. If I'm in a group and there. We're going to this girl's house for a party.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The two things I always say no to is we're going to this girl's house for a party.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We're going to a bar where we work. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Okay. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or we're going down to the casino.

[Ian Lara]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

All knows all no's from me because I think to myself, well, I time it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I give it an hour. Yeah. And I go, if it's fun, an hour from now. Yeah, I'll think about it. Usually if it's, we're going down to the casino, that hour's up quick.

[Shay Durano]

It's up quick. Yeah, yeah. People are like, fuck, I lost all my money.

[Ian Lara]

I never got invited to the casino. Is that something you get a lot?

[Zach Amico]

I play a lot of. Oh, okay. Yeah. I do a lot of shows with casinos.

[Ian Lara]

Okay, Okay.

[Zach Amico]

I can think of times where I've been in the room and I think I made it three levels into Street Fighter 4.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And everyone I was on the road with lost all the money they made that weekend.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, that. It is nice when you hit that. My first, like big run on the road. Every chick, everything I was, I was, everything I was trying to, everything. I was just like, let go out every single time. I like partied. And dude, I got so shit faced in Chicago. I was supposed to meet up with this couple that was at the show. I ended up hanging out with a different couple. And then they were texting me like, hey, where you at? And the bar we were at was called Barber. And I just texted them back, I'm a barber. That's how drunk I was. But when you. When you pass the threshold of like, oh, I actually have my laptop in my room and I would love to go watch a movie or play video games and just chill. And people are like, yo, you should come out. Or they're always like, where's the party after? Where are we headed after? And I'm like, nowhere. I'm going home. It's nice. That's so nice.

[Ian Lara]

Some cities I feel like you like, all right, I got to go out in this city. But most cities is like, that's like, no, I'm just going to go back.

[Shay Durano]

I'm just going back. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Now with that said, I am a proponent of if you're at a bar.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they go, hey, it's closing time. We're going to lock the door.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, the best.

[Zach Amico]

And we can smoke cigs in here.

[Shay Durano]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

And I don't even smoke cigs, but I want that. Now. That is more of a me hang.

[Ian Lara]

Oh, yeah, you get that a lot too.

[Zach Amico]

Little towns. Yeah, yeah, that's a. If you're having a really good time, if you're good to the bartender or you know people and you're like, yeah, this place is pretty cool. Like about that.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That small town blasting music, fucking locked doors, ashtrays come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's A night?

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, I think I had that maybe like once or twice. I don't get invited to the White Paradises.

[Zach Amico]

That's Maya Gartha.

[Shay Durano]

Dude, that happened to me in New York. It was me and my buddy, 2018. We were here on a trip and we're just like bouncing around all in New York. And we were. There's a place in Toronto. I won't out the place, but it's like this, it's an after hours that's super legal and you smoke cigarettes inside. There's always a coke dealer in there. And we were looking for that in New York. And so we went to a place and it wasn't that. Then we went to another place and it wasn't that. And then we were in line for third place and the guy comes out, he's like, oh, just so you guys know, we're not serving alcohol, but like you can still have like drinks and stuff. And we were like, what the. We were like, what the is this? Where are these? Like. And then the guy in front of us went, oh, what's wrong? We're like, this isn't an after hours. And he went, oh, you want a place where you can smoke cigarettes inside and do cocaine off the table? And we're like, yeah. And he goes, go to this place. And it was, it was called like Fasha or something. It was this Irish pub. We go in there, we sit down, it hits like three or four. They, they close the blinds, lock the door, everyone starts smoking. And then we talked to the bartender and we're like, hey, can we get coke in here? And he goes, what the fuck's the matter with you guys? And we're like, oh, sorry. And he goes one minute and walks the other end of the bar, comes back, he goes, give me $60. We give him 60 bucks, goes back, gives us coke. And then we were like, can we do coke right at the bar? And he said, go in the fucking bathroom. And the coke was so good, dude, it was so good. It was like, you know, it's like one big rock in there and you, when you break it up, it's kind of wet still. It's kind of got like a moisture to it.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, I've never even seen cocaine.

[Zach Amico]

Oh no, Never.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, it's great. I don't do it anym, but I used to, I used to partake.

[Ian Lara]

Did you just decide one day I'm stopped?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, you know, it's. It kind of came along with everything else. Like the, the hangovers get worse, like as the partying is less fun, and you need it less. Like, you're less insecure and you're less like, I need to. I need to be going out doing. And you're more comfortable with just, like, chilling.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Then it all kind of faded away. And then there was one night where I was like, okay, you know what? Whatever. This guy came up, he had cocos, me and my buddy. I hadn't done it in probably about a year. And then we went back to this guy's place, and it was the most disgusting apartment I've ever been into. And I went, what the fuck am I doing? And we immediately left. And we're like. I was like, I'm a fucking loser. And I was like, never. We're done. We're done.

[Ian Lara]

I went back to a girl's apartment one time like that, and it was that. And sometimes you. There's a spectrum to what disgusting is.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

But this was objectively, like, the grossest apartment I think most people would have ever been.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

It was like, it was like in a slum. It was in Canada, too. It was like, in a slum. Like, it was like a slum party.

[Shay Durano]

I never even what province or what city you were in. Vancouver. Oh, shitty part over you in like, oh, you're in Surrey, dude.

[Ian Lara]

It was so bad, dude.

[Shay Durano]

I grew up out in D.C. dude. Surrey's a rough neighborhood. That's like our roughest neighborhood, right?

[Ian Lara]

I didn't. And I didn't. You know, you hear Canadians, you think they're all like, yeah, soft, but. But then over there, they weren't like.

[Shay Durano]

It can get grind.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

I was walking, I was like, this is terrible. This is. This is one of the worst things. Like, I put my hat down on thing. And I remember, like, I was talking to her and I had my hat, like, on the couch, on the ledge of the couch. And as I'm talking her, she, like, reaches over and flicks. It's like a roach on my hat. And the roach, like, banged up against the glass and just, like, just left.

[Zach Amico]

Oh.

[Shay Durano]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

Is there anything worse than when a roach is big enough that you can hear the sound of the body, hear them grown? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Oh, come on. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

She was hot, though.

[Ian Lara]

That's the thing. I'm like, damn hot, girl.

[Shay Durano]

What race. What race was this chick?

[Ian Lara]

I'd rather not say.

[Zach Amico]

Okay, fair Canadian.

[Ian Lara]

They'Re not say she was.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, she for mine. A lot of my. I, I, I've been to some I can think of. There was a time where I was on the Road with Lewis.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we were supposed to leave at 8 o' clock in the morning. And he calls me at 7:20 and he's like, where are you?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because I never came home.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm like, I'm at a Juggalo flop house somewhere. I gotta find my way back. I was at a place literally called Hatchet House. And we found it by driving up and down a block until we found the Insane Clown Posse logo. Spray paint them on a garage. And I'll never forget, we. My buddy John took me. We call him Johnny brings a bar. I've told you about him before.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, he.

[Zach Amico]

Because he has a. He had a mobile bar in his trunk. Oh, that's hilarious. He would.

[Ian Lara]

Johnny brings a bar. That's a good name.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, he would have. It would be like a full service bar.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was like a mesh thing that came out when you opened the trunk. And then he would move and it would be like ice and shit. Oh, that's amazing. In the panel.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

I think that's a pretty clear sign you have a problem probably, right?

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

If you're.

[Shay Durano]

If you're at an aa.

[Zach Amico]

Like, he would back his car into people's garages and open up and it was Johnny Brinks.

[Ian Lara]

That's sick though. That's a fun guy.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. You want.

[Ian Lara]

That's a guy you want around for sure.

[Zach Amico]

Briggs Bar takes me to this, to Hatchet House. And this girl runs. At first of all, it's nine, maybe a little later. Maybe 10, 11 o' clock at night.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There's 30 people there and everyone is just wearing pajama pants.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, nice. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Like no tops.

[Zach Amico]

Or all the dudes are just wearing pajama pants with no shirts.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, wow.

[Zach Amico]

And all the women are in pajamas and oversized T shirts.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you could tell that was their daily attire.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And the girl runs out of the house and she goes, john, John. And she takes out a flip phone. Yeah. We're well past flip phone time.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It goes, they let me see my son. And she starts scrolling through pictures of like a 7 year old's birthday party.

[Ian Lara]

On a flip phone. On a flip phone.

[Zach Amico]

It was Jesus. The saddest Jesus Christ. That was the. That was the ope. That was the crack of the. The beer.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Of that night. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

You're like, oh my God, what am I doing?

[Zach Amico]

And everywhere we went, it was misery.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Hey, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by our friends at Yo Kratom, home of the 60 kilo. That's right. If you use Kratom. If you don't, don't start on my account. But if you do Kratom, there's only one place in the world to get it from, and that's yocratum.com. so stop going to bodegas, smoke shops, and gas stations where you even know what's in there. They don't know what the product is. Yocratum.com has the best strains, the best customer service, and they're the marquee sponsor of everything we do here at the network. And there's no promo code needed. Why? It's already the best deal in the world to kratom. That's right. 60 bucks a whole kilo. Yo, kratom.com. home of the $60 kilo. All right, let's get back into the show.

[Ian Lara]

You're like a party guy. You party.

[Zach Amico]

I have fun. I have a good time. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah. You don't anymore.

[Shay Durano]

No. It has to be a big, like, if we were all out, like, say we were. Say we're all on the road for like a couple of weeks and then it's like we're nearing the end and we're in a good city and it's like, come on. And then I'm like. And then I'll turn on the gas and then I'll be. It'll be 6am and you're like, where are you? And I'm like, I don't know.

[Ian Lara]

So basically you just have to be invited.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. And you're like, but it needs. It's not just invited. It needs to be ceremonious. It needs to all come together to be an event. Yeah. If it was like the first day of tour and you're like, we're going out to celebrate, I'd be like, nah, you know, you don't go out at the start.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah. Because you learn to pace yourself out. Like, especially now that I. Because I talk about wrestling too, as an announcer.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I, like, I fucking. I just want to go back to the room. Yeah. Or just get back on the bus. Like, dude, the last thing I want.

[Ian Lara]

Is, like, indie wrestling.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Oh, that's pretty cool.

[Zach Amico]

And the last thing I want is to fucking like. Or, like, I'll buy a 30 rack for 10 people.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we'll all have three beers and fucking part ways.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because it's just fucking. The sleep thing.

[Shay Durano]

The sleep.

[Zach Amico]

The older you get, the more like, you can't do all nighters.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. You just. You wanna you wanna go to bed? Going to bed's nice cuz you're like, oh, I'm gonna fuck up my tomorrow.

[Ian Lara]

I don't wanna fuck up tomorrow part.

[Shay Durano]

Is like, my tomorrow's fuck.

[Ian Lara]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

So that's something I started asking myself is, how is tomorrow, Zach gonna feel about this decision?

[Shay Durano]

Oh, 100%.

[Zach Amico]

So like, I was leaving a bar in Brooklyn after a wrestling show.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we were. Everybody was going back to a kid's apartment.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I was like, it was like 15 people and it was a one bedroom. And I'm like, this is going to suck.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's also you, but you.

[Zach Amico]

Get caught up in the momentum. But then when you take yourself out of it, you're like, how am I going to feel about this tomorrow? Around noon?

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

When I'm coming in, I don't even have to party.

[Ian Lara]

Like, if I just go to bed after five, tomorrow's pretty done.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

With no drinking.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

You just stay up too late.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah. Just like tomorrow's going to be rough.

[Shay Durano]

I do that now with video games. I'll stay up late to like 2, 3. I'm playing video games and then I wake up and I'm like, oh, it's like I had four, five beers.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Oh my God, my brain.

[Ian Lara]

I was. It was so funny. I was talking with Michael Che. We were talking at the seller about going to sleep late. He was like, he goes to sleep late. But we were saying that it's such a huge difference from going to bed at four than it is at six.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Like four is like manageable. But six just feels like it just went too far.

[Zach Amico]

Why did I. Yeah. What did I even bother?

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, this went too far. This is not what I intended.

[Shay Durano]

100, dude. And now it's like I. There's. You don't want to be like, I'm not out, like, hounding or anything anymore. So it's like.

[Ian Lara]

Which is nice.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, it's so nice.

[Ian Lara]

Very nice.

[Shay Durano]

That was the big mode motivator when you're younger. It's like you stay out late and then there's the later it gets, the more pussies down to fuck you. It seems like there's an equation there. Yes. And so if you're not chasing pussy, it's like, what am I even doing up this hour? The food.

[Zach Amico]

Not that there's more women that want to fuck you. It's. The ratio is better of women who probably would. Goes up.

[Shay Durano]

Goes up. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We're eliminating the fuddy Duddy.

[Shay Durano]

Exactly. A chick who's up at 10, they went to bed.

[Ian Lara]

They went to bed.

[Shay Durano]

Or 2, 30 or 3 o' clock in the morning is probably. Probably looking for dick.

[Ian Lara]

More likely.

[Shay Durano]

More likely than not. Yes. And so then you're like, I'm. I'm getting closer to potential. If you're not going for. It's like at 3am the food's not good, TV's not good. No one's up. I can't have a conversation like, what am I doing up? What am I doing up?

[Zach Amico]

Dude.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, just go to bed.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, that's so nice. Like when you, like, as you get older when like, you like, start talking to guys and you're like, yeah, I don't need to do that anymore. That much.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

You know, every once in a while it's fun, but I don't need to.

[Shay Durano]

I don't need.

[Ian Lara]

I'm good. I'm just going to go to bed. I think I'm just chilling. I got to watch Real Time.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I couldn't. Let's. We do plugs yet. Let's not plug right out. And what are you people to check out? You got a special?

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, I got a special on YouTube Material Boy streaming right now. Check it out. Leave a comment, let me know. Zach, Morning Zoo sent you.

[Zach Amico]

Awesome.

[Shay Durano]

Jay, Check out my podcast, Two Goons. We're going to be live in LA at the Comedy Store on January 8th. You can also catch me at Stand Up Live in Phoenix on February 19th. Those are all the tour dates right now, but we got a big episode coming out. Angela White's gonna be on the podcast.

[Zach Amico]

Very, very nice, guys. Follow me on Instagram at zackisnotfunny. All my dates, punch up dot live. Zachamiko. I'll be in Toronto January 9th and 10th doing stand up and Alive, midnight spook show and New Year's Eve weekend. New Year's Eve, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio with Lewis. And then that Friday and then that Saturday we're at Bricky's in Miamisburg. So come on, hang out. And hey, if you like this show, go to Gas Digital. Use the promo code Zoo. You get your episodes early ad free, uncensored. You get the live chat, you get the archives, thousands of episodes of all your favorite guest shows. And you get the Friday show. That's right. We do three of these a week. If you want that bonus Friday show, you gotta subscribe. Regardless, thank you so much for tuning in and we really, truly appreciate you. All right, did you guys see the flyers? Announcer Getting fired.

[Ian Lara]

No blow me thing.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. So the guy who announces for the Flyers did not know he was still on the air.

[Shay Durano]

Nice.

[Zach Amico]

And we have a clip. If you guys are in the booth can pull it up. Really, baby. And by the way, to me, this is not fireable.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

[Zach Amico]

This is.

[Ian Lara]

Maybe this is like. Hey, cut it out.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you get one. This is maybe a weak suspension. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Also, I thought he was suspended.

[Zach Amico]

I believe it might be fired.

[Ian Lara]

Because when I said, no, no, no, suspended.

[Zach Amico]

All right, Maybe they. They took it to suspension instead.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, I saw he was.

[Zach Amico]

Office.

[Shay Durano]

Yes. While you're down there, would you mind blowing me. That's. I think we're still on the air, Tim. Even laugh, are we? Who is he saying it to?

[Zach Amico]

I'm sure somebody was like working on the.

[Ian Lara]

Was it.

[Zach Amico]

Somebody's probably plugging in. I don't know.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

If it was a guy, it's hilarious.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah. If it's a guy.

[Zach Amico]

If it's a dude, who I'd imagine somebody like. Somebody like plugging mics in or something.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, it's the sound guy. And you know him. You see him every day. You do a blowing me joke.

[Zach Amico]

The funny thing is that he still had his announcer voice.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. He did like. Would you mind blowing me?

[Zach Amico]

Because that to me is the funny part, because.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You know, they always talk about how Bob Euchre had the cough button.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, no, no, no. What was the cough?

[Zach Amico]

Norman Artie would talk about it all the time. Yeah. Because they became friends with him.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But Bob Uecker, when he would announce games, he had a cough button. Yeah. And so he would, like, talk shit. So he'd be like, you know, all right. And that's a second he's going to go around and then fucking hit the button. Be like, look at the fucking legs on her. And he would just be talking about all the bitches of the game, dude.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, that's great. Dude. There is some nice tale to fucking game usually, dude. But yeah, I don't think this guy should get fired for that, especially it's Philly. Yeah, dude. Below me in Philly.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. That's pretty.

[Shay Durano]

That's what you want?

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, they could be much worse.

[Shay Durano]

The Flyers used to be the most horrendous team ever in hockey. They were like, known the. What was it the. When they were the worst. Like it was in the 60s or something.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shay Durano]

There were. They were like, evil. They were known for being like ruthless. And so it's like. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And Philly's the meanest town.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They threw batteries at Santa.

[Shay Durano]

They threw batteries at Santa.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, that's a famous Philly thing. Yeah, they fucking. They, they were, they, they were like booed Santa and they started throwing batteries.

[Shay Durano]

Why? Where was this? At a parade?

[Zach Amico]

Can you guys look it up in the. No, it was at a game.

[Shay Durano]

At a game, Santa came out and.

[Zach Amico]

They threw batteries, brought Santa out of them.

[Shay Durano]

Batteries is such a specific thing too. And it's such a good thing to throw. It's hard and small. You can whip a battery.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, you can. Really? Yeah, there's a few famous, like Philly, like booze, everybody.

[Shay Durano]

Oh yeah, they love. They fucking hate. Who hates Santa, Dog.

[Ian Lara]

No, Philly. I remember I was doing the DC Improv and the Mets was playing the Phillies in the playoffs. And I was driving back Sunday and I was telling like the bartender, I'm like, I think I'm going to try to get tickets to the game on my way up. And the bartender was like, cuz I'm a Mets fan. He's like, dude, you can't do this. Like, he was like concerned for my health. He's like, you can't go by yourself.

[Zach Amico]

Like.

[Ian Lara]

And I'm like, it's just a game I watch. He's like, no, no, you can't, you can't go with that hat. They're going to beat the out of you.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

Like the. I think baseball's like, like, okay. Hockey's okay. But the worst is football.

[Ian Lara]

Football's bad.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. If you're, if you're like wearing any other colors and you go to an Eagles game, someone, I think it's Bill Burr, tells a story about a guy like puking on a guy's son or something like that. Like, what the fuck, dude? Billy's disgusting, man. But they like it. They like being disgusting. Yes, they. It's part of their soul.

[Zach Amico]

I think they. It's one of those things where they had the reputation.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then decided to just go with it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it's like, what, are they going to fix the city up? No, dude, it's Philadelphia. It's like, just let it stay decrepit. That's got to be nice as a mayor when the city's shit and their identity is being shit. So it's like, you're not fixing anything. He's like, yeah, that's what we do. We just kind of live in a shithole. Isn't it? Fun.

[Zach Amico]

But Philly. I will say the bad parts of Philly. Yeah. Are, like, horrifying bad.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The only worst place I think I've been is. Oh, Oakland.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, sorry.

[Zach Amico]

Oakland.

[Shay Durano]

Oakland. I've never been to Oakland.

[Zach Amico]

Oakland's fucking tough.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

I did San Francisco, and they were like, don't cross the bridge on this side.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. Yeah. I was doing shows in San Francisco, and then I. It was when I was still playing music, and we went to go do a show in Oakland, and it was. And San Francisco's a dump once you get to the Tenderloin. Yeah. It is worse than the. Imagine if the under the bridge parts of Austin. Yeah. Were just in the street.

[Shay Durano]

Just everywhere. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

That's like Maine and Hastings. In Vancouver. It's just like a mile of. Of homelessness and they just, like, tent outside, like broad daylight. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Heroin.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Everywhere. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And Oakland was. Yeah. Oakland stunk.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Okay. And Oakland was worse.

[Zach Amico]

Parts of where we were was pretty bad.

[Shay Durano]

Damn. All right, all right, well, don't go to Oakland.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. But even when we did the Tenderloin, my Uber driver dropped me three blocks.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

From the bar and said, I don't go any further.

[Ian Lara]

Oh, really?

[Shay Durano]

I don't go any further. It's correct.

[Ian Lara]

It's not even traffic. It's like an open road.

[Shay Durano]

He's like, this is where you get off.

[Zach Amico]

It was bad. And then the host was like, you can stay with me. And we're like, where do you live? He's like a block away. You're like, fuck, no. No.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. You're like, no, we're going back to San Francisco.

[Zach Amico]

I'll take the fuck.

[Shay Durano]

No, no.

[Zach Amico]

I'll take the fucking heat. I'll fucking buy a room.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. 100%. Oh, shit.

[Zach Amico]

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[Ian Lara]

What's the spikes?

[Zach Amico]

They'll put spikes on the sidewalk so that people can't camp out.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

And they come out the ground.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. When the store closes at night.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, that's like, in front of the store.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They hit a thing so that people. Because basically, once they're camped out. That's the bitch.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Is getting them out.

[Shay Durano]

Dude. I stayed in Montreal, and Montreal, there's, like, one area where it's like, the gay village. I was staying, like, right next to there, and it. Prior to. I think it was like, five years ago, one of the most expensive, nicest areas in Montreal. But then they kind of. They moved to, like, methadone clinics over there. And just every homeless person just, like, went to this area. Because if you're there, you're like, everything here is nice except for the homelessness. It's like, there's multiple. There's multiple subway stops, multiple grocery stores, tons of really good restaurants. But there was a bunch of stores that had, like. They closed their shit down. And I guess they have these gates. They close, and I guess there's a homeless guy who is like, he did a bunch of drugs and then slept on the inside of the gate. And then when the place closed, they're like, well, we're just closing you in here. And then he woke up and was, like, in there and was like, I'm stuck in this cage, dude.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

He's just like. They're like, well, we're not waking you up. We're dragging you out. They were just like, we're leaving you French style.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I mean, you don't want to. Yeah. You know, you don't want to startle them.

[Shay Durano]

No, no, no, no.

[Zach Amico]

That's probably not advisable.

[Shay Durano]

No, no, not at all, dude. No, I.

[Zach Amico]

Years ago, when I worked on a movie, a kid took a bus from Albuquerque to Buffalo to come work on the movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And when he got. We had to go pick him up, and they were just like.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's like, he's gonna be your art department.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

They told us nothing about him.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And in nicest terms possible, a crusty homeless kid gets off the bus.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we realize that's who's staying with us.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he goes, can we go to, like, a dollar tree? I've been wearing the same socks this whole trip.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, geez Louise, man. Right? Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This kid stunk. So, dude, he fell asleep in front of a fan. Yeah. Like, our first or second night. We had to air out the house.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, no.

[Zach Amico]

Point the fans out the door. Cause the whole house did. You stunk.

[Shay Durano]

Did you tell him, like, hey, you gotta. You gotta. We gotta wash you.

[Zach Amico]

We.

[Shay Durano]

Yes.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. We were pretty clear about it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he was not kind about it, really. But the thing was. So he was like a boxcar hobo. Like, he would, like, you know, ride the rails and shit.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So he was like, hey, if you guys ever need to wake me up, like, do it from across the room. Because I'm used to sleeping where guys, like, you know, try and, like, rape you and stuff. So if you try and, like, nudge me awake or, like, slap me awake, I'll attack you. And then they're like, zach, you can room with him. I'm like, fuck.

[Shay Durano]

Jesus.

[Ian Lara]

What was his job on the movie?

[Zach Amico]

Fired, technically. He said he was going to be the art department.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Or he was going to be the art. He wanted to be the art director.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

We quickly came to the conclusion that we needed someone else.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Where'd you find his kid?

[Zach Amico]

He just. We were working on a movie, and it was very, like, diy, and he was a fan of the people that made it. And he was like, hey, I'll. You know, I'll come out and work on. And basically, the way that company works is, like, if you're willing to work, they'll house you.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And we'll figure out a job for you. Got it. But he showed up, and it was. You quickly found out why he was in the position he was in.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because he was just lazy. Like.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He would. We were like, hey, do this. And he would be like, all right. Done. But it would not really.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't. He didn't put any work and he.

[Zach Amico]

Put no work into anything.

[Shay Durano]

You think it's like, you just got a job where they're housing and shit, and you can kind of have this opportunity, you have access to, like a shower and stuff. Might be like, oh, fuck. Yeah, this is great.

[Zach Amico]

And then, yeah, we had a fire because he went to a part, so we all had, like, staff badges for the movie. Like, cat crew badges.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he went to a party and got so drunk that he passed out in the corner and then took his dick out and started pissing in his own face while he was asleep. And he had his crew badge on with the name of the production. And somebody put it on MySpace.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, no, no. Dude.

[Ian Lara]

How'd you guys find you had to fire him from across the room.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

This kid was such a. This kid was so bad at life. So, you know, we bought it. They. They bought him a bus ticket back.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So that's a couple days.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I think they gave him a hundred bucks.

[Shay Durano]

Okay. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And said, here, this way you can eat.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And stuff on your way back. And he went to an art store and bought a hundred dollars worth of pens and pencils and pads. And when I'll steal food on the way.

[Shay Durano]

What's he gonna do with the pens? And pens? Yeah, why not?

[Ian Lara]

Why not steal the pens and pads?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

It made like, he respects art way too much.

[Ian Lara]

It's the only thing he respects.

[Zach Amico]

And then, like, he tried to, like, he kept trying to, like, undo it. Like, he put out a petition and we were like, dude, we're grown ups.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then he tried to do the thing because he had brought stuff.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he put it all over the place to act like he couldn't find it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He was, like, trying. It's like when you can't get a chick to leave.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Because she's like, oh, no, where's my hair tie? Where's this? And it's like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Maybe I should just leave tomorrow.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

No, get out.

[Ian Lara]

How long did this last?

[Zach Amico]

A day. A day.

[Ian Lara]

He was only there for like, a day.

[Zach Amico]

No, well, no, he was on the movie for probably a week and a half.

[Ian Lara]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Amico]

But, yeah, he had to go.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then it was so fun. So he made like, shit. Little, like the same real super low. But like, no budget movies.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

With his friends. And that's how he was, like, in the film industry.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There was some horror channel years ago on the Internet, they would do like 24 hour horror movie marathons.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I saw one of my movies that I made in college.

[Shay Durano]

Oh.

[Zach Amico]

On there was in the lineup.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I'm like, oh, that's cool. I Wonder how they saw it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I wonder who. And I contacted him, like, hey, this is my movie. That's super cool. You guys, of course, can play it. I don't give a shit. How did you hear about. They're like, oh, this guy sold it to us. It was him.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, he sold it. Like a DVD copy.

[Zach Amico]

He had a DVD copy I had. He copied it. Said he made it and had been selling it and had been selling the rights to screen it. So in a package with, like, three movies him and his friends made, he put my movies in there, too.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, my God.

[Zach Amico]

And was selling my movie.

[Shay Durano]

That's so funny.

[Ian Lara]

He runs Netflix now. He's like, the head of Netflix.

[Shay Durano]

That's the thing you learn about some people who are like. You go like. You're like, he was lazy. He didn't want to do the work. But it's almost like you just don't want to do the work you're told to do. Because to do that, that's quite a crafty thing to understand. I wouldn't even think of doing something like, how do I sell the rights to a movie? It's like, dude, if you just reapply that craftiness and you won't be in the position you're in.

[Ian Lara]

But you could say that with you with the test, why'd you make the cheat code?

[Shay Durano]

You could just start. I was young.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

I've learned. I've learned.

[Ian Lara]

But that's better, though. It's better than the actual thing Sometimes.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

That's way more crafty what he did than him. Like, I don't know.

[Zach Amico]

But, I mean, that's also the history of film. Yeah. People stealing shit from each other.

[Shay Durano]

Like, fair. But you are right. Why didn't I just do the test? Why not just study?

[Ian Lara]

Because you're smarter.

[Zach Amico]

Because most people like, the whole King Kong vs Godzilla. The first one. Yeah. The guy that sold that movie owned neither property.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, really? Wow. Good for him.

[Zach Amico]

Yes. And just bullshitted his way into, we're gonna make the movie.

[Shay Durano]

And then. Yeah. And we're gonna.

[Zach Amico]

And then they backwards. Got it. Oh. I believe I could be wrong. I think at one point it was supposed to be King Kong versus Frankenstein.

[Shay Durano]

Okay. Which is like. I don't know if that works at all.

[Zach Amico]

They were gonna make Frankenstein big.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then it changed something else. And then he just went in. I think it was like, what about Godzilla?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I sold.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He's like, yeah, I own that.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, I own.

[Ian Lara]

So it's like a Japanese, right?

[Zach Amico]

No, he Said that he was like the American distributor.

[Ian Lara]

Oh yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But it was totally bullshit. And then once they started making, they would. They realized they had to buy the rights.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dude. Okay.

[Ian Lara]

You used to make like horror films.

[Zach Amico]

Like super low budget. Like 250, 000.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah, that's a super low budget.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. For a, For a movie movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dude, there's. Did you see that one they're making? It's a short film called Portrait of God.

[Zach Amico]

No, tell me, tell me.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, it's. It's pretty good. It's a. It's the. The short film's only like seven minutes, but they're gonna now make into a full length movie. And it's this girl, she's practicing for presentation and she's like, you're gonna. I'm gonna show you a image of a photo that people say they see God's face in. And she's doing the presentation. She's like, if you see nothing, most people see nothing. But some people say they see God. And then she plays some recordings of people who say they see God. And then you see the face slowly like appears and then the. It's only seven minutes, so it's worth checking out.

[Zach Amico]

Oh yeah, I'll definitely check that out.

[Ian Lara]

So for 250, could you make like a seven minute or could you make like a full length.

[Zach Amico]

Oh, we made. We made two. Two full length movies back to back with. Yeah, yeah. Well, we made one long movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then cut it in half and cut it reshoots.

[Ian Lara]

But the like the Blair Witch, that was like an indie movie.

[Zach Amico]

That's an anomaly. Well, that's also found footage, but yeah, that was like 20 grand.

[Ian Lara]

20 grand?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. The other one, Paranormal Activity, that was.

[Zach Amico]

Those are all those. That's super low. Yeah, those would be. I don't think there's even like a SAG option for that low.

[Shay Durano]

I bet those are also from a different time where, like back when Blair Witch and Paranormal Activity came out, there was this like rumor y thing around it. Like, is it real?

[Zach Amico]

There was novelty to it as well.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Like that wasn't the genre. Yeah. Now a lot of people do found footage because it's the cheapest or not cheap.

[Ian Lara]

What's found footage?

[Zach Amico]

What's. That's like Blair, like where it's.

[Shay Durano]

It looks like it's on a video.

[Zach Amico]

It's on. It's. It's your. The camera is supposed to be there. Okay.

[Ian Lara]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

As opposed to like a narrative film where they don't know there's a camera. But yeah. We made. It was a company that's been around for like 50 years and I worked for him for about 10 years. I still do shit with them. And I'm at the point now where I get to just be a day player and I'm always like a one or two day character in a bunch of shitty movies. I want to have. I want to have one of those IMDBs that's like crazy. That's like 150 movies.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And you no one see, they're all garbage. That's cool.

[Ian Lara]

That's cool as hell.

[Zach Amico]

That just makes me like. And all my credit like, dude, my credits are so funny. It'll be like just be like masturbating pig zombie.

[Shay Durano]

That fucking. No, but that is awesome, dude. Working in movies and shit.

[Ian Lara]

So you've done movies where like you watch it and you're like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

I mean, I can think of a couple. I mean, I love them. I love low budget movies. I love horror movies. I'm in a few where I'm like, this is a tough watch.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dog shit this is.

[Zach Amico]

And I've seen other ones where I have friends in them where I'm like, I can't believe how bad. Like I have friends that are in an Asylum movie. The sci fi pictures. That is so fucking bad. It's called Battle Dogs.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it's a werewolf movie. And it. They really spent money on it.

[Shay Durano]

Oh no.

[Zach Amico]

And it is such horseshit, dude. But yeah, I'm in a few that are like maybe $100 movie.

[Shay Durano]

$100 movie.

[Zach Amico]

Just a crazy person with a camera and I'll be. Y' all do that.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, dude, I love that. I fucking love that. So where does that go? Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

[Zach Amico]

It goes on fucking prime.

[Shay Durano]

Oh yeah. Prime will take anything, right?

[Zach Amico]

It goes on prime. It goes on shit like a tubi to be.

[Ian Lara]

So there's. There's movies that like have million. Like a million dollar budget that you never hear about. Like you like unless you're into that scene, you'll never know about it.

[Zach Amico]

100%. Yeah, tons, tons. Tons.

[Ian Lara]

I always feel like a million dollars would be like a big. Like a movie that will go to theaters or like.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, a million is pretty low.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Like what's it called? Get out is like a super low budget movie and that's like $9 million. And that's like. But the good thing about horror is for the most part horror is quite cheap to make. You can make a horror movie like you. Like a $20 million budget or.

[Zach Amico]

And people will see it because they want to see a horror movie. Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

They like the genre. And so, like, that's why those. They made, like, tons of the paranormal activities, tons of the saw, because they cost not that much to make. And then you make, like, if you spend $30 million in a movie, but it makes fucking $100 million. Like, your ratio so good versus, like, if you make Superman and it's fake. $500 million and then you make $600 million. It's like we. We're kind of making.

[Ian Lara]

I find, like, when Hollywood took those movies, it got worse though, right? Everybody agrees with that.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, more or less. Like, I can. Like I'm in sometimes. I do movies that I'm convinced they're not gonna come out. Yeah. But they will match my rate.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I don't gotta do much, right?

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then it comes out. And then every once in a while they come out and I'm like, ah, shit. I wish that was. That was one that didn't. Yeah, I can think of one. I did. It was a really sweet kid. I think he was like a fan of maybe comedy in general or horror or whatever. He knew me from shit.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he hit me up and he's like, I want you to do this to be like a Crypt keeper type character for an anthology movie. He's like, I can fly you out to wherever he lives somewhere. And I was like, ah, you know, if you're. If I'm gonna need a car, I'm gonna need. You're gonna need to fly me out. You're gonna need to put me up and pay me. He's like, well, what if I just came to New York and rented a studio? Would you do it for that? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And I showed up and it was literally like just this kid and a guy with a camera and a girl. The girlfriend of the guy with the camera.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

That was the whole production. And I worked for a day. I did all my lines. And I was like, that's cool, man. So, like, when are you shooting the. I was introducing each story.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And he goes, I don't know. I'm probably gonna outsource it. I went, what do you mean? He's like, oh, I'm just gonna, like, hire people in other countries to make it for cheap. Yeah, you can do this too, I guess. I mean. And then I just did it and I got my money and it was fine. And I Was like, oh, looks like, yeah. And then whatever. And then he emailed me like a year later and he's like, hey, I actually did it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Just so you know, the content greatly changed and there's some like, very risky sexual elements. Are you okay with that? I was like, well, you own it, so.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah, it's like, whatever. I signed off on it.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, I fucking saw. I signed. I signed the contract, so go ahead.

[Shay Durano]

Dude, you should take all these scenes you've done in movies and like, use them as like a hook on, like social. Like, post like the shittiest clip possible and then be like, I did this movie and this story was this, this, this, this, and this. That's super interesting. Like, I worked on like a hundred low budget shitty movies. That's so cool.

[Zach Amico]

I would like to make a real soon because I have a few things that I really like and a few things that are. I'm in. I worked on an Italian movie. That's maybe the least sensical thing. It's. I've never seen a movie that I got less.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, yeah. It just was like fucking like you.

[Ian Lara]

Didn'T understand the plot.

[Zach Amico]

You're saying I couldn't tell you what the fuck a goddamn thing.

[Shay Durano]

Because it.

[Zach Amico]

Was written in Italian, translated into English. Not well.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

There was an Italian actress in it who speaks Italian in the movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And then they dubbed her, but everyone else is speaking English.

[Shay Durano]

That's insane. What the fuck?

[Zach Amico]

But her dad was the financier.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, okay. So he's like, you're putting my daughter in this?

[Zach Amico]

And she was like a famous model or something. Yeah. Very beautiful.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And I just remember one of the crew members was like, I think I'm gonna ask her out to dinner.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

The ad goes, no. Her father, he wear a white suit. And we're like, what does that mean? He goes, he fucking killed people. And we're like, oh, we're making a mob move. We're making a mob financed movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, dude, I totally like. All you do just shoot like a bunch of storytelling stuff in front of the green screen and then have like the footage playing in the background and then just fucking chop it up. It's like super easy to do. And you already have the hardest part is shooting these shitty movies. Yeah. You have it all.

[Ian Lara]

How does one raise a million dollars to shoot a shitty movie?

[Zach Amico]

Over the years, people have found many ways. Okay, either you save up. Some people have rich parents.

[Ian Lara]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Some people form, like a company and get investors. If you watch a lot of like 70s and 80s movies. There'll be like 10 producers all named Patel.

[Shay Durano]

Oh. And that's all. They're just. Those are all the fucking.

[Zach Amico]

They're all doctors and dentists.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Because what you used to do back in the day is you would call or show up at lawyers, doctors, dentists, with a presentation.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And go, listen, we're going to form this company. We're going to make this movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

If you donate 20, $40,000, we are projected that you will get triple your money back.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Ian Lara]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

And you get like 15 of those, and then your movie bombs and you burn them all. So good business model that I.

[Shay Durano]

And I know you can do the crowdfunding thing. And then some actors who are actually like, semi legitimate names are like. Like, there's mad Mickelson's in this one movie that's like dog shit that I watched and I was like, oh, yeah. Because you probably get him for like 500k, like, which is like, that's not a small amount of change. But acting wise, not crazy money.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah.

[Shay Durano]

So you. You get a budget that's like, you get $2 million, $3 million, and then you go, 500k is just for the star. And then the rest we try and make the movie happen.

[Zach Amico]

I was working on something that didn't happen, but we were very close to making a movie and we had been shot that my friends had been shopping around this concept for a while, and at one point, through contacts, Nicholas Cage. Red was talking to them. Yeah. And it was a matter of. We can shoot this starting next week.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But we need to wire. It was going to be a $750,000 movie.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And Nick Cage was $500,000.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And it was like, you got a wire to him tonight? Yeah. And he'll clear his schedule.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

And they're like, does he want a script? He's like, no. This is when he was in. This is when he was doing. I think this is when he was, like, in tax trouble.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

But he's like, what? He. Dude, he does this crazy and. We'll get out of here in a second, Chad. I apologize.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, no, no, I think we're doing good.

[Zach Amico]

We're doing good. He does this thing because he's. He's had tax issues.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. He's buying, like, dinosaur bones in haunted houses.

[Zach Amico]

But if you buy certain art and shit and you take a huge loss on it.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

You can write it off.

[Shay Durano]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So they think he was buying ridiculous shit on purpose to be like, oh.

[Shay Durano]

I'm taking losses on all these Things.

[Zach Amico]

That I took a lot because he was buying, like, crazy shit.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah, yeah. Comic books, all sorts of weird shit. Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

So that he could say. And then the economy tanked. Yeah. And I lost all the money on these valuable things I bought. Yeah. So that's why I think he's. He's crazy like a fox.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. And he also. His perspective on acting is, I think, a really good one, where he's like, yeah, I'm a working actor. They're like, you're doing these shitty movies. He's like, no, I'm doing movies. I'm. I take jobs. As a working actor. Like, no, you're a movie star. And he's like, no, I. Whatever you want, I'll do it. Because it's like.

[Ian Lara]

Like a comic kind of.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. He's like, I'm working the road, I'm doing. But he's got.

[Zach Amico]

So for every shitty movie he's got.

[Shay Durano]

He'S got a banger.

[Zach Amico]

There's another. So he's got Mandy Pig, the mom and dad movie.

[Shay Durano]

The Raising Arizona or.

[Zach Amico]

No, no, no. I'm just talking the recent ones.

[Shay Durano]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah, yeah, he's bad lieutenant TO. He's just got crazy good ones mixed in there.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Have you seen Mandy?

[Shay Durano]

No. I saw Pig, though. I watched Pig. I did like Pig. It didn't blow me away. He was really good in it. But it was. It was at the end, like, I like the message of spoiled.

[Zach Amico]

I didn't like long legs.

[Shay Durano]

I heard long legs was ass.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. I did not care for it. But, yeah, Mandy is the one.

[Shay Durano]

Mandy's the one.

[Zach Amico]

So Mandy is edible and all this. Mandy couldn't recommend it more.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah. Okay.

[Zach Amico]

It's. Nick Cage is a sober guy living in the middle of nowhere with his chicken.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Basically a satanic biker gang comes into town.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Sees the store they work at. Yeah. Breaks into his house, kidnaps his chick.

[Shay Durano]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He now has to go get it.

[Shay Durano]

Like, John Wick style, more or less.

[Zach Amico]

They kill him.

[Shay Durano]

Okay.

[Zach Amico]

So he drinks an entire bottle of vodka on the toilet.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

Nick Cage is shit. Just screaming and drinking. Yeah. And then starts doing every drug known to man and go. Go kill all these bikers.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, that does sound.

[Ian Lara]

Fire.

[Zach Amico]

The movie's visuals. Yeah. Match what he's taking.

[Shay Durano]

Oh, that's sick, dude.

[Zach Amico]

So when he does coke, the movie kind of speeds up.

[Shay Durano]

Yeah.

[Zach Amico]

He does acid and the movie starts to get wobbly. Yeah. It's a banger, dude. Mandy.

[Shay Durano]

So what a. Have you. Have you ever seen Chainsaw, Man? Okay, so did you see the Chainsaw man movie, dude, that when the. The fight scenes in that movie where it gets super psychedelic and they're fighting in the apartment or not the apartment building, the office building. And it like changes the art style. And I was like, this is the coolest I've ever seen.

[Zach Amico]

Yeah. If you like that, you'll love Mandy.

[Shay Durano]

That's exactly what I thought of when you were saying that.

[Zach Amico]

All right. Awesome, awesome. Thank you, guys. Please. We're gonna end here. Please check out Ian Larry's new special material boy now on YouTube.

[Shay Durano]

It's fire, dude. You gotta check it out. Thank you.

[Zach Amico]

Very, very funny guy. Thank you guys so much and happy holidays. See you on Wednesday. Bye. Noon is morning time to him. Papa Baco. Chug it down. Just like the favorite ob. Join the crew. It's AO morningo morning. Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business.

[Shay Durano]

Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We've got you covered. How about card readers you can can rely on anywhere you sell. Thanks.

[Zach Amico]

Have a good one.

[Shay Durano]

Yep, that too.

[Zach Amico]

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[Shay Durano]

That's kind of our thing.

[Zach Amico]

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[Shay Durano]

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[Ian Lara]

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[Shay Durano]

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