44 Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew at 24 - The Martell Method w/ Dan Martell

Summary13 min read

Podcast Summary: The Martell Method w/ Dan Martell – Episode 44: "Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew at 24"

In Episode 44 of The Martell Method, host Dan Martell shares 44 brutal truths he wishes he had known at the age of 24. Drawing from his personal journey—from overcoming addiction at 17 to building a $100 million empire and becoming a Wall Street Journal bestselling author—Martell offers invaluable insights into personal growth, business success, and meaningful relationships. This comprehensive summary captures the essence of each truth, highlighting key discussions, noteworthy quotes, and the overarching themes that guide listeners toward building a fulfilling life and business.

1. Embracing True Humility

Martell begins by redefining humility. He emphasizes that true humility is not about diminishing oneself but about elevating others. He challenges the misconception that self-deprecation is a sign of humility, explaining that uplifting others fosters genuine connections and respect.

“True humility isn't about diminishing yourself, it's about elevating others.”
— Dan Martell [00:00]

2. Navigating Adversity with Strength

Referencing Jim Rohn, Martell underscores the importance of resilience. He posits that challenges strengthen us, much like rough seas build strong sailors.

“A smooth sea never made a strong sailor.”
— Dan Martell [03:15]

3. The Power of Discipline and Consistency

Discipline, Martell asserts, can solve 80% of life’s problems. He highlights the value of consistent actions, such as daily gym routines, which build a "discipline muscle" crucial for overcoming obstacles.

“If you can just build that discipline muscle and show up every day, it'll fix most of your problems.”
— Dan Martell [04:30]

4. Trusting People's True Selves

Martell advises trusting others based on their actions, cautioning against ignoring red flags. Recognizing and accepting who people are helps in making informed decisions about relationships and partnerships.

“When people show you who they are, believe them.”
— Dan Martell [05:45]

5. Recognizing and Heeding Red Flags

He emphasizes the importance of acting on gut feelings when encountering red flags in business or personal relationships, advocating for moving on without needing concrete proof.

“If there's a red flag, if I feel it in my soul, I'm going to move on.”
— Dan Martell [06:20]

6. Cultivating Unattachment

Martell discusses the concept of being unattached—engaging in life without dependencies on outcomes or other people’s behaviors. This mindset fosters personal freedom and creative empowerment.

“If you can show up and create from a place of freedom, you can't be controlled.”
— Dan Martell [07:10]

7. Leveraging Insecurities as Unique Strengths

He encourages viewers to embrace their insecurities, viewing them as unique aspects that differentiate and empower them in personal and professional arenas.

“Everything you're insecure about is what makes you unique.”
— Dan Martell [08:05]

8. Understanding the Backstory Behind Strength

Martell reflects on how personal traumas and challenges shape resilience and discipline, urging listeners to use their past experiences to their advantage.

“Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice.”
— Dan Martell [09:20]

9. Eliminating Doubtful Language

He advises against using words like "could" and "would," which imply uncertainty. Instead, Martell advocates for decisive language that reflects commitment and confidence.

“It's either nope or yes, but there's no could or would or should.”
— Dan Martell [10:35]

10. Redefining Confidence

Confidence, according to Martell, is about knowing one’s worth rather than being loud or flashy. He praises the quiet confidence of those who have intrinsic self-assurance.

“Confidence isn't about being loud. It's about knowing your worth.”
— Dan Martell [11:50]

Building a Strong Foundation in Business and Life

11. The Importance of Solid Foundations

Martell uses the metaphor of not being able to "shoot a cannon from a canoe" to illustrate the necessity of building a strong foundation before taking massive actions.

“Be impatient with action and patient with your destination.”
— Dan Martell [12:05]

12. Discovering Yourself Without External Maps

He stresses the importance of self-discovery over following others' blueprints, encouraging listeners to seek their unique paths.

“You can't use someone else's map to find yourself.”
— Dan Martell [13:15]

Embracing Growth and Change

13. Contradiction as a Sign of Growth

Martell explains that contradicting oneself is a natural part of growth, reflecting changing perspectives and continuous learning.

“The faster you grow, the more you realize that the way you used to do things can't work anymore.”
— Dan Martell [14:30]

14. Cultivating True Abundance

He differentiates between abundance and creation, advocating for a mindset of gratitude and sufficiency rather than striving from a place of lack.

“You create from a place of abundance, and that is 10 times more powerful.”
— Dan Martell [15:45]

Fostering Healthy Relationships

15. Assuming the Best in Others

Martell advises giving people the benefit of the doubt, promoting trust and positive intent unless proven otherwise.

“I just assume they're awesome. I just assume they're trustworthy.”
— Dan Martell [16:20]

16. Letting Go of Fear-Based Decisions

He warns against making choices driven by fear, emphasizing that fear often stems from outdated experiences and leads to poor advice.

“Fear will always give bad advice because it's based on a past that isn't true anymore.”
— Dan Martell [17:35]

Personal Fulfillment and Happiness

17. Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

Martell highlights that staying within one’s comfort zone stifles dreams, encouraging listeners to embrace discomfort as a pathway to growth and achievement.

“Your comfort zone is where dreams go to die.”
— Dan Martell [18:50]

18. Surrounding Yourself with Challengers

He advocates for surrounding oneself with individuals who challenge beliefs and stimulate growth, rather than those who merely reinforce existing views.

“Surround yourself with people who challenge your beliefs, not just reinforce them.”
— Dan Martell [19:15]

19. Embracing Being “Extra”

To achieve extraordinariness, Martell suggests embracing behaviors that might feel excessive or uncomfortable, as these actions set one apart.

“If you want to be extraordinary, you'll need to be extra, which will feel uncomfortable.”
— Dan Martell [20:25]

20. Prioritizing Fulfillment Over Happiness

He distinguishes between fleeting happiness and long-term fulfillment, urging listeners to seek meaningful contributions over momentary pleasures.

“Happiness is a moment in time. Fulfillment is a byproduct of feeling useful.”
— Dan Martell [21:40]

Practical Strategies for Success

21. Prioritizing Self-Care Before Helping Others

Martell shares his experience overcoming addiction, illustrating that one must first stabilize oneself before extending help to others.

“If I want to help other people, the best thing I could ever be is the best version of myself.”
— Dan Martell [22:55]

22. Taking Control of Your Success

He emphasizes that personal success doesn't depend on others changing, advocating for self-reliance and accountability.

“Nobody needs to change for you to win. Take control and be accountable for your life.”
— Dan Martell [23:10]

23. Owning Your Happiness

Martell insists that happiness is your responsibility, not dependent on others' actions or circumstances.

“Your happiness is a byproduct from the stories you tell yourself, not the actions of others.”
— Dan Martell [24:20]

24. Filtering Feedback Effectively

He advises discerning between valuable and harmful feedback, recommending consideration of the source and their intentions before acting on advice.

“Not all feedback is valuable. Learn to identify the helpful from the harmful.”
— Dan Martell [25:35]

25. Justifying Choices to Yourself Alone

Martell encourages making decisions based on personal fulfillment rather than seeking approval from others.

“You don't need to justify your choices to anyone but yourself.”
— Dan Martell [26:50]

26. Loving from a Distance

He discusses the importance of maintaining boundaries, allowing one to love without compromising personal energy.

“You're allowed to love someone from a distance.”
— Dan Martell [27:05]

27. Interpreting Discomfort as Growth

Martell views discomfort as an indicator of personal development, rather than as a sign of failure.

“Discomfort is often a sign of growth, not failure.”
— Dan Martell [28:20]

28. Avoiding the Perfection Trap

He warns against the pursuit of perfection, which often leads to procrastination, advocating instead for taking action and embracing imperfection.

“The pursuit of perfection will lead to a life of misery.”
— Dan Martell [29:35]

Deepening Purpose and Meaning

29. Aligning Success with Purpose

Martell stresses that success without purpose feels empty, urging listeners to seek meaningful goals that align with their true selves.

“Success without purpose feels empty, even if it looks good on paper.”
— Dan Martell [30:50]

30. Establishing and Maintaining Boundaries

He emphasizes the importance of setting personal boundaries and asserts that others' discomfort with these boundaries is their issue, not yours.

“Express your preferences, express your boundaries. Let somebody know if they've crossed them.”
— Dan Martell [31:15]

31. Accepting Unresolved Pain

Martell acknowledges that not all pain needs resolution, advocating for allowing oneself to feel and process emotions fully.

“Not all pain is meant to be resolved. Some is meant to be felt.”
— Dan Martell [32:30]

32. Rejecting Conformity for Innovation

He warns that conformity stifles creativity and innovation, encouraging listeners to break molds and pursue unique paths.

“Conformity is the silent killer of creativity and innovation.”
— Dan Martell [33:45]

33. Handling Jealousy and Envy

Martell candidly addresses that not everyone will celebrate your success, advising listeners to remain unbothered and continue pursuing their truth.

“Not everyone will be happy for your success, and that's okay.”
— Dan Martell [34:00]

34. Valuing Failure as Learning

He reframes failure as a valuable learning experience, often serving as redirection toward more appropriate opportunities.

“Sometimes failure is more valuable than success in the long run.”
— Dan Martell [35:15]

35. Understanding Friendship Dynamics

Martell categorizes friendships into reason, season, and lifetime, emphasizing the importance of recognizing these dynamics to foster meaningful relationships.

“Friends come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime.”
— Dan Martell [36:30]

36. The Expanding Power of Focus

He illustrates that focus determines expansion, encouraging meticulous attention to goals and consistent alignment of actions toward them.

“What you focus on expands.”
— Dan Martell [37:45]

Cultivating Inner Freedom and Authenticity

37. Embracing Transparency for Freedom

Martell posits that being open and having no secrets leads to true freedom, fostering authenticity and lightness in one's demeanor.

“The freest person in the room is the person with no secrets.”
— Dan Martell [38:00]

38. Aligning Skills with Passion

He advises against becoming proficient in areas one despises, advocating instead for focusing on passions to achieve excellence and fulfillment.

“Don't make the mistake of becoming good at something you hate.”
— Dan Martell [39:15]

39. Distinguishing Pain from Suffering

Martell differentiates between inevitable pain and optional suffering, attributing the latter to lacking purpose and suggesting that a sense of meaning can mitigate suffering.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
— Dan Martell [40:30]

40. Embracing Productive Dissatisfaction

He encourages being blissfully dissatisfied, driven by the desire to improve and recognize potential, rather than contentment that may lead to stagnation.

“Be blissfully dissatisfied with where you're at in life.”
— Dan Martell [41:45]

41. Linking Work Ethic to Gratitude

Martell connects a strong work ethic to a sense of gratitude, viewing hard work as a reflection of appreciation for one’s abilities and opportunities.

“Your work ethic is a reflection of your gratitude.”
— Dan Martell [42:00]

42. Loving the Journey Over the Destination

He emphasizes the importance of loving the process rather than fixating on end goals, ensuring sustained motivation and fulfillment.

“If you don't learn to love the work, success will always escape you.”
— Dan Martell [43:15]

43. Achieving Peace Through Letting Go of Expectations

Martell advises ending expectations of others to achieve inner peace, highlighting that peace comes from within rather than external circumstances.

“Peace begins when expectations end.”
— Dan Martell [44:30]

44. Avoiding Unhealthy Comparisons

He concludes by warning against comparing one's early journey to others' advanced stages, reminding listeners that everyone's path is unique and comparisons undermine personal joy and progress.

“Don't compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 44.”
— Dan Martell [45:45]

Conclusion: Building a Life and Business to Love

Throughout Episode 44, Dan Martell imparts practical wisdom and hard-earned truths aimed at accelerating personal and professional growth. From fostering resilience and discipline to cultivating meaningful relationships and embracing authenticity, each truth serves as a guidepost for listeners striving to build a life and business they love. By internalizing these lessons, Martell encourages individuals to navigate their unique paths with confidence, purpose, and unwavering self-belief.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

Humility: “True humility isn't about diminishing yourself, it's about elevating others.” [00:00]
Resilience: “A smooth sea never made a strong sailor.” [03:15]
Discipline: “If you can just build that discipline muscle and show up every day, it'll fix most of your problems.” [04:30]
Trusting People: “When people show you who they are, believe them.” [05:45]
Red Flags: “If there's a red flag, if I feel it in my soul, I'm going to move on.” [06:20]
Unattachment: “If you can show up and create from a place of freedom, you can't be controlled.” [07:10]
Insecurities: “Everything you're insecure about is what makes you unique.” [08:05]
Strength: “Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice.” [09:20]
Language: “It's either nope or yes, but there's no could or would or should.” [10:35]
Confidence: “Confidence isn't about being loud. It's about knowing your worth.” [11:50]
Foundation: “Be impatient with action and patient with your destination.” [12:05]
Self-Discovery: “You can't use someone else's map to find yourself.” [13:15]
Growth: “The faster you grow, the more you realize that the way you used to do things can't work anymore.” [14:30]
Abundance: “You create from a place of abundance, and that is 10 times more powerful.” [15:45]
Assuming Best: “I just assume they're awesome. I just assume they're trustworthy.” [16:20]
Fear: “Fear will always give bad advice because it's based on a past that isn't true anymore.” [17:35]
Comfort Zone: “Your comfort zone is where dreams go to die.” [18:50]
Challenging Beliefs: “Surround yourself with people who challenge your beliefs, not just reinforce them.” [19:15]
Being Extra: “If you want to be extraordinary, you'll need to be extra, which will feel uncomfortable.” [20:25]
Fulfillment: “Happiness is a moment in time. Fulfillment is a byproduct of feeling useful.” [21:40]
Self-Care: “If I want to help other people, the best thing I could ever be is the best version of myself.” [22:55]
Personal Success: “Nobody needs to change for you to win. Take control and be accountable for your life.” [23:10]
Happiness: “Your happiness is a byproduct from the stories you tell yourself, not the actions of others.” [24:20]
Feedback: “Not all feedback is valuable. Learn to identify the helpful from the harmful.” [25:35]
Justification: “You don't need to justify your choices to anyone but yourself.” [26:50]
Distance Love: “You're allowed to love someone from a distance.” [27:05]
Growth from Discomfort: “Discomfort is often a sign of growth, not failure.” [28:20]
Perfection: “The pursuit of perfection will lead to a life of misery.” [29:35]
Purpose and Success: “Success without purpose feels empty, even if it looks good on paper.” [30:50]
Boundaries: “Express your preferences, express your boundaries. Let somebody know if they've crossed them.” [31:15]
Unresolved Pain: “Not all pain is meant to be resolved. Some is meant to be felt.” [32:30]
Conformity: “Conformity is the silent killer of creativity and innovation.” [33:45]
Handling Jealousy: “Not everyone will be happy for your success, and that's okay.” [34:00]
Failure as Learning: “Sometimes failure is more valuable than success in the long run.” [35:15]
Friendship Dynamics: “Friends come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime.” [36:30]
Focus: “What you focus on expands.” [37:45]
Transparency: “The freest person in the room is the person with no secrets.” [38:00]
Passion Alignment: “Don't make the mistake of becoming good at something you hate.” [39:15]
Pain vs. Suffering: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” [40:30]
Productive Dissatisfaction: “Be blissfully dissatisfied with where you're at in life.” [41:45]
Work Ethic: “Your work ethic is a reflection of your gratitude.” [42:00]
Process Over Destination: “If you don't learn to love the work, success will always escape you.” [43:15]
Inner Peace: “Peace begins when expectations end.” [44:30]
Avoiding Comparison: “Don't compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 44.” [45:45]

Final Thoughts

Dan Martell’s "44 Brutal Truths I Wish I Knew at 24" serves as a robust guide for anyone seeking to accelerate their personal and professional growth. By embracing these truths, listeners can navigate their journeys with greater clarity, resilience, and purpose, ultimately building lives and businesses they are passionate about and proud of.

For more insights and strategies from Dan Martell, subscribe to The Martell Method podcast and join the community dedicated to building successful, fulfilling lives and businesses.

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Transcript1 lines

[00:00]
A
Recording this right now. I'm 44 years old, but if I had to go back and give my 24 year old self some advice on becoming successful even faster, here's what I would say. Welcome to the Martel Method. I went from rehab at 17 to building a $100 million empire and being a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. In this podcast, I'll show you exactly how to build a life and business you don't grow to hate. My best selling book, Buy Back youk Time is out Now. Grab a copy@buybackyourtime.com or at any of your preferred online retailers. Number one, true humility isn't about dimin yourself, it's about elevating others. I meet people sometimes and I give them a compliment and they go, oh yeah, but I actually suck at this. And I'm like, interesting. See, what they don't realize is diminishing themselves is not humility. Say thanks. I've been working on this because I got some great help from this person here that's actually more impressive and the right way to work through life. Because if you're always talking down to yourself, then why would anybody want to work up with you? If you instead take that energy and shine it on other people, that's humility. Saying that you're not that good giving somebody an open to criticize you is actually the opposite. It's actually false humility and not a good look. Number two, a smooth sea never made a strong sailor. Jim Rohn used to talk about all the time you can't control the wind, but you can control how you set the sail. A strong sailor understands how to set the sail. Everything gets better when it goes through some level of adversity. If you want to be better, don't wish the sea was smoother. Wish you were a better sailor. Number three, discipline can fix 80% of your problems. One of the most unique things in this world right now is consistency. Watching somebody be consistent. Go to the gym for 30, 40, 60, 90 days in a row. Most people don't realize if you can just build that discipline muscle and show up every day, it'll fix most of your problems. Number four, when people show you who they are, believe them. I've learned over the years when somebody shows up and they're disheveled, they're untrustworthy, they're confusing to talk to. Don't pretend like that's going to magically go away. Instead, understand it won't. Number five, Red flags never go down. Anytime I've gotten into Business with somebody and my gut told me probably shouldn't. I've now realized if there's a red flag, if I feel it in my soul, I'm going to move on. No proof needed. Number six. The person who needs nothing can't be controlled. Your attachment to outcomes, your attachments to goals, your attachments to how other people need to behave for you allows that person to control you. Your need of anything from anybody else is their ability to control your emotions, your happiness, your life. If you can get to a place, which I encourage you to consider of showing up, being involved, but being unattached, then you can't be controlled and you get to create from a place of freedom. Number seven. Everything you're insecure about is what makes you. You think about this. There's no other person on earth right now that is you. There will never be somebody that is uniquely you. And the things that you're scared about, you have shame around, you're insecure about is actually your superpower. Because if you had the courage to share that out loud with other people, that would be the thing that their insecurity would resonate with. You're watching other people and you admire them because they share these areas of their life that you're like, I can't believe they just said that. Because it resonates with you. That is actually what makes you unique. Number eight. Behind every strong person is a story that gave them no choice. I work with some incredible men in my office, and some of them are massive bodybuilders like crazy. And I know that the way they look, their discipline in the gym is a byproduct of some really, really deep pain. It's a trauma response in many ways. It's their adaptations to some of the challenges they went through. And that story gave them no other choice. It was actually what was required for them to deal with the situation they found themselves in. It's actually not a bad thing. You can use it to your advantage. Number nine, Never use words like could and would. The reason I don't like these words is they have the assumption of failure in the language right off the bat. As soon as you hear somebody said, that would be nice, what you're is probably not going to do it. That could be nice. What you're saying is probably not going to show up. It's interesting how your language will dictate your commitment to a future. So those words, I just crumple them up and throw them out. It's either nope or yes, but there's no could or would or should. Number 10. Confidence isn't about being loud. It's about knowing your worth. What I love is when I meet people and they don't say a lot, but they have this quiet confidence about them because they've shown up and gone to the gym. They've shown up and done the work. They know they're rich. They have nothing to say. They already know what they know, so they don't even talk. Think about if you had a hundred million dollars in your bank account, cash, how would you walk around the world? What essence would you give off to other people? Sometimes the people that are the flashiest, the loudest, they're the ones that are the Most insecure. Number 11. You can't shoot a cannon from a canoe. Build the foundation. As much as you want to come out running fast as you can. Some of you guys are shooting cannons on a canoe and what happens? The whole thing topples over. You fall into the lake. Sometimes people want to take a bite out of something that's too big because it forces them to show up. The problem is, is that the bite's too big, which then creates a scenario where they're gonna fail because they don't trust themselves. They take massive action and take risk around things that doesn't make sense. Where if you just showed up and created the discipline, the foundation, then that massive action has got some footing to sit on. It might feel slow at first, but trust me, be impatient with action and patient with your destination and build a foundation where you can set up and load up and shoot a massive canon. Number 12. You can't use someone else's map to find yourself. I believe that every person is here on earth to go on the journey to discover themselves. In many ways, goals are only as useful as they guide you to discover who you are. Other people trying to tell you the path, the journey, giving you their blueprint. It might give you clues, but the only place you should be looking is inside. Before we get back to the episode, if you want to jumpstart your week with my top stories and tactics, be sure to subscribe to the Market Martel Method newsletter. It's where you'll elevate your mindset, fitness and business in less than five minutes a week, find it@martelmethod.com number 13. If you're not constantly contradicting yourself, you're not growing fast enough. If you think of the idea of growth being change, learning new things, you're getting new perspective. Then by the fact that you're learning and Growing things you used to believe decisions you would have made in the past are no longer true, which means you're going to have to contradict yourself. There's a direct correlation. The faster you grow, the more you realize that the way you used to do things can't work anymore. I always say to people, often wrong, never in doubt, I know what I'm doing isn't going to get me to where I'm going. I have strong opinions about what that might look like today. But I'm on a growth game, which means I'm going to contradict myself. Six months from now, I'm going to say something and it's not going to align with what I shared today. But that's okay, because that's the whole point. If you are on a constant growth game, it will feel contradicting. Number 14. True abundance comes from appreciating what you already have. You don't need anything to be happy. When I work with clients one on one, I always ask them to make a list. 25 years from now, dream a little bit. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to create with your life? And they make this magical list of things that they envision. And I love that for them. I love that they took the space to download create from their creator, design this life. But then shortly after we're going to sit down, I'm going to remind them that all those goals, those dreams, those outcomes you want to achieve are just criteria you've made up to give yourself permission to actually be happy, to be content, to feel fulfilled. And the truth is, none of those need to be there for you in this moment, to feel that way. You can literally go to gratitude. You can go to abundance, you can go to appreciation. It doesn't mean you don't create. It doesn't mean you decide to say, okay, well, what I got is all I need. Because you're here to create. You just don't create from a place of lack. You create from a place of abundance. And that is 10 times more powerful. Number 15. Assume the best in others until proven otherwise. My philosophy, when I hire somebody, somebody comes into my life. A business partner, a new friend. I just assume they're awesome. I just assume they're trustworthy. I just assume from day one that they're great at what they do and I give them the responsibility. I assume positive intent and I allow them to go out into the world. That being said, if they show me who they are, I believe them. But I just think too often, because we have Trust issues that usually come from trauma that we hold off from letting go. And it has nothing to do with the individual. It has to do with us. And our inability to assume the best in others is actually 100% reflection of who we are. And that one's a tough one to realize because you're like, what if they mess up? What if they embarrass me? What if they cost me money, maybe? What if they never do that and you didn't get the opportunity to go as deep or get as much support as you want because of your own fears? Number 16. Fear will always give bad advice. Write this one down. Tattoo it on your body. Fear will always give bad advice because it's based on a past that isn't true anymore. False evidence appearing real. That's what fear stands for. And things happen to you in the past, at a younger age, at some other point, with different people, and you're still operating from some projection of that situation happening again when the whole scenario is completely different. New girlfriend, new business partner, new economy, new industry. All these things are new. Yet you're responding out of fear because of something that happened in the past that isn't even possible anymore. Oftentimes, our rumination around fear actually sets up the situation for it to repeat itself, not because it was, was because of how you showed up. Number 17, your comfort zone is where dreams go to die. Who you are today and what you want to achieve your dreams is not who you need to be to achieve them, period. Full stop. If you were, then you'd have those things in your life. If you had the mindset of a millionaire, you'd be a millionaire. And being able to go outside of your comfort zone is the only way you're going to grow in many ways. I like to tell people, once you see it, you can't unsee it. Once you expand, you can't contract. And to go to those places to experience those things, to be pushed, you have to be willing. It's scary, but if you can jump outside that comfort zone, sometimes it's a running ninja kick. I get it. It's so scary. You're like, if I don't do it now, I probably won't do it. Hey, start running. Make that jump. But I promise you, your dreams, your goals, your outcomes, live on the other side of you making that leap way outside your comfort zone. Number 18. Surround yourself with people who challenge your beliefs, not just reinforce them. Them. This is the way I look at my friendships. There are people I know that are cheerleaders. They're incredible people. They want to see the best for me. They always want me to do well, and I love them for that. The challenge with those people is that they're never going to push me to think differently because they don't want to create conflict. So what do I do? I have to fight to get in a bigger room. I have to fight to get on a smarter street. I have to fight to get in a better peer group of people that are way further along than me. Why? Because they will challenge my blood beliefs. They will look at my strategy and go, that's cute. That's not going to get you anywhere as interesting. And the truth is, they're saying that because they see my potential. So if you accept the people around you, which I get could be really great people, you're just going to have the same people reinforcing what you already know and believe. You're not going to be pushed to go find and discover new perspectives on life. And it's in those new opportunities, those new beliefs, where you're actually going to grow the most. Number 19. If you want to be extraordinary, you'll need to be extra, which will feel uncomfortable. So many people tell me, dan, you're a lot. Dan, you're too much. Guess what? If I'm too much, go find less. I don't want to be less. I know that if I want to live an extraordinary life, I have to show up in ways that other people think are extra. I might think they're absolutely normal. Getting up early, going to the gym every day, showing up as a leader. All these things might feel extra. But guess what? If my goal is to have an extraordinary life, it means that I have to make decisions or show up in a way that is extra, that is different from everybody else. And I never, ever, ever make myself feel bad for being extra. If anything, I'm looking for opportunities to actually separate myself. Number 20. Happiness is fleeting. Focus on fulfillment. A long time ago, I was taught this concept around fulfillment because everybody always says, when I'm older, I want to be happy. You ask your kids, what do you want to be when you're older? I want to be happy. Happy, happy, happy. People say this, I want to be happy. Is it okay if I'm happy? Here's what I know about happiness. Happy is a moment in time. It's not a place of feeling. And guess what? When I was doing Ironman, when I was in the thick of the work and it required a piece of me that I didn't even know was there Was I happy? No. Was I proud of myself afterwards? You better believe it. Fulfillment is a byproduct of feeling useful. Nobody wakes up every day and says, I just want to be happy and I'm going to lay on the beach and drink mai tais. No, because in three weeks, four weeks, at some point, you're going to ask yourself, what is the point of my life? I guess I'm supposed to be happy, but for some reason, I feel empty inside. Because you're going to die one day. You're going to take that last breath and you're going to look back and say, did I feel useful? Did I contribute? Did I show up? Was I an example to other people? Did my life mean something? And that is what fulfillment is all about. So focus on fulfillment. Before we get back to this episode, if you prefer to watch your content, then go find me on YouTube. I have this episode on YouTube. I'm Dan Martel on YouTube. Just subscribe to the channel, turn on the notification bell because then you'll get notified in real time time. It'll tell YouTube to tell you got a new episode, so you'll never miss anything. Now let's get back to the episode number 21. Put your own mask on before trying to help others. When I got out of rehab, I'm 17 years old. I suffered with addiction my whole life, and I wanted nothing more than to help all my friends and family members that also struggled. But it occurred to me, and I was taught this, if I went out there and I started trying to do that, I would actually risk stumbling and relapsing myself because I didn't have enough time sober to actually be strong enough to even be in a position to help somebody else. And it felt really weird because I'm like, I know these things. I. I want to teach it. And everybody kept saying, focus on yourself, focus on yourself, focus on yourself. And it felt very selfish. Here's where I've gotten to. If I want to help other people I love at the highest level, then the best thing I could ever be is the best version of myself. And if I know right now I'm not there, then I just got to wait. I got to do the work. I got to create the resources, the opportunities for myself so that when that other person is ready and they come to me, I will be ready to help them. If I go too soon, then it's like two sinking boats trying to help each other. Focus on you. And once you're good, you'll be better for everybody else around you. Number 22, no one needs a change for you to win. Nobody. This one's going to be hard. You might be in a relationship right now, have a parent or a friend, and you wish that they would change. You wish that they saw things the way you needed them to see it. You wish that they supported you. You wish that they were more motivated. I don't know what it is, but you have a wish and a desire for somebody else. And you think if they were only that way, then maybe you would win. How about you get to this place? Nobody needs to say yes to you. Nobody needs a change, Nobody needs to do anything for you to win because that gives you 100% control. That puts you in the driver's seat, that makes you 100% accountable for your life, and that's actually a winning proposition. Number 23, you're responsible for your own happiness, not anyone else. To the same token of nobody needs a change for you to win. I don't require anybody to make me happy. I realize that my happiness is a byproduct from the stories I tell myself, from the events that happen in my life. Somebody cuts me off in traffic, I could easily get upset. I can decide, that person cut me off, they're a ding dong, not cool. Or I can tell myself a more empowering story, that maybe somebody that they love is sick in the hospital and they need to get there and making that move, they didn't even mean to do it. They got to go see that loved one. If I was in that position, I would love some grace around the people on the street to get me into the place. I need to get to see my loved ones. Those are all choices that I can make. And that's why I think a lot of people put their happiness into somebody else. Take that power back. Realize that your story you tell yourself is going to make you happy, not the activities or actions of other people. Number 24. Not all feedback is valuable. Learn to identify the helpful from the harmful. I always ask myself, when somebody's giving me feedback, who is this person? Why are they saying this? And if I implement it, what do I assume the results would be? Because oftentimes it's more harmful than helpful. Some people mean well. These are people that love you and they're giving you advice, but they've never done it before. They just don't want to see you hurt. So they give you advice that might make it safe for you to move forward, but it's not going to get you to where you want to go. If an Enemy purposely put sugar in your water, Would it harm you? Nope. What if a friend accidentally put poison in your water? Would it harm you? Yeah, it'd kill you. Sometimes the feedback that people are giving you is well meaning, well intended, and is actually harmful. So instead, what I want you to ask yourself is, who is this person? Have they achieved that result? Why are they telling me this? Are they telling me this because they want to sell me something? Or are they telling me this because they want to see me win? And if, all things being equal, the person's been to where I want and I feel like the feedback comes from a place of positive intention, then it's worth considering. Number 25. You don't need to justify your choices to anyone but yourself. You are living your own life. And as much as you want to please people around you because you want them to be proud of you, you want them to support you, I want you to understand someday those people will not be in your life. And so often we're trying to justify our choices to other people. When we start off in life, we don't know any better. So we're always looking around and saying, does this make sense? Does this make sense? Does this make sense? And then you realize that nobody else understands. This is the crazy part. If you are successful, you will learn really quick that your parents and people you looked up to at some point actually didn't know any more than you. And you need to live with your decisions. So if you don't check in with yourself and say, hey, does this light me up? Does this make me happy? If I fast forward 5, 10 years, will I be happy about this choice? If the answer is no, then you're living for somebody else. And that is a losing recipe. Number 26. You're allowed to love someone from a distance. There's a lot of great people well intended that I love that I have created space from intentionally. The reason why is their journey and their energy isn't aligned with mine. And that's totally okay. I can decide not to be so quick on a response to a text message. I can decide to say no to an invitation to go on vacation. I can decide to create some space and just not always be around on weekends, whatever the scenario is, I'm allowed to protect my energy. Nobody is entitled to my presence. If I want to have a relationship with somebody, I can choose to express what my desires I can express to them. When these things are said or this situation happens, I don't like it, I don't enjoy it. But if they don't hear that. That's cool. I can love them from a distance. Number 27. Discomfort is often a sign of growth, not failure. When I'm uncomfortable, I always go to myself. Oof. Worthy opportunity, worthy opponent. It's in that discomfort where I'm like, ooh, imposter syndrome. That I'm like, I'm about to grow. I don't beat myself up anymore. I don't tell myself I'm not good enough. Sometimes people are like, oh, I feel so scared to do this. I suck. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I feel this way. I'm not worthy, and it's not failure. Your discomfort is actually like a compass to point you in the right direction. It is a sign of growth. Number 28. The pursuit of perfection will lead to a life of misery. It's kind of funny because perfection is nothing more than procrastination in disguise. I see people all the time. They're like, I would do this, but this and this and this need to happen. No, it doesn't. Well, I mean, I could do it, but then what would people think? Oh, interesting. Let's talk about that. Who are those people? What people? Your friends. Because I learned a long time ago, people that care don't matter, and people that matter don't care. I'm going to move forward if I'm not embarrassed by the first version of whatever I'm about to do. I waited way too long. It doesn't mean that you put it out to a thousand people. You put out to 10, get some feedback. Put out to a hundred, get some feedback. Feedback. If you don't do it that way, you'll always live in this life of regret because your best work, or any work, never actually got to help anybody. Think about it. Your worst video, trying to teach something to somebody is better than the perfect video that took you 10 years to help because nobody saw it. It was 10 years of nobody seeing it versus, hey, maybe it wasn't the best version of it, but you got it out. You did another one. And for 10 years, this content lived out there and was helping people, and you waited till it was perfect. That is a life of misery. Number 29. Success without purpose feels empty, even if it looks good on paper. I know people that are so poor, all they have is money. They don't realize that these things that we look up to, possessions, prestige, power, the money side of things, it might look good on paper. It might make you feel good telling somebody at a party how much money you made. But the truth is none of those dictate the quality of your life. They don't talk about the character, who you are. In many ways, those are great ways for you to measure the value creat the world. But if you don't focus on that, then you're going to feel empty because you're always building from a place of not enoughness. Trying to use paper to fill that hole is like trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It'll never happen yet if you find your purpose, you can feel fulfilled. You can feel absolutely full of grace. And it takes nothing to feel that way. Number 30, your boundaries can make other people feel uncomfortable and that's their problem. Express your preferences, express your boundaries. Let somebody know if they've crossed them. Hey, I just want to let you know that kind of language doesn't fly with me. Hey, I hear what you're saying. We don't need to use other people's names. We can have this conversation without disclosing who is involved. Because honestly, I feel uncomfortable when you share that. I'm a big fan of saying this is who I am, this is what I'm about and I have no problem sharing that with other people. The ones that resonate with that. Game on. We're going to be great friends. The people that have a problem with that, that's their story and journey and it's not my problem. I don't need to be friends with everybody. The longer you go trying to be liked by everybody, the longer you will stay in your prison. Number 31. Not all pain is meant to be resolved. Some is meant to be felt. Had a friend recently had a massive realization and they shared that with me and I said feel the feels. There was nothing for me to do, there was nothing for me to say. There was no thing to try to fix. All I shared with them is feel the feels. Oftentimes those feelings show up because it's allowing us to process, it's allowing us to clear. It's allowing us to make sense of the situation. And I know we have this tendency to always want to either stop hurting or fix problems or find the meaning of the insights and why I'm going through this. Sometimes it's just to feel the feels. There's no place to get to just allow yourself to not push the feelings away, let them come to the surface. Because sunlight sanitizes when we take the things that we're scared or ashamed of and we allow ourselves to feel that. And if we have the courage to share it with other People like my friend did with me, I'll tell you, on the other side of that is a feeling of lightness. Number 32, conformity is the silent killer of creativity and innovation. Doing things as you've been told, as they've always been, is where innovation goes to die. If you actually want to do something that doesn't exist, you're going to have to break the mold. You're going to have to push the boundaries. You have to go test. There's this thing in science called the local maxima. And essentially it's the concept of the mountain that you're climbing, having a peak. You could find out that there's a bigger mountain that you could go discover. But to get to that bigger mountain, you have to go down the valley of the current, current one. To go through that valley to come up the other side. That's conformity. That's doing things unlike everybody's done before, willing to potentially find something bigger and better, but being okay that if you don't, you just learned a lot. And I think too often people are like, this is how it's always been done. This is how I have to do it. If you want to innovate, you want to create, you have to be willing to be misunderstood. That's by going on a journey that nobody agrees with. Number 33, not everyone will be happy for your success. And that's okay. If you crush it, and I hope you do. Here's what I know. At that level of success, what you'll be doing is you'll be living your truth. You will discover internally what lights you up, where your value is, how you show up. And you're going to live that truth. And in that moment of you shining your truth, you will show people where they've been living a lie. Your success is going to shine a bright light on the parts of somebody else's life where they gave up, where they decided not to push as hard. They're going to see you, and they might even say it to your face. I'm so happy for you. Congrats behind your back. Unfortunately, they won't say the same thing, and it's not their fault. I'm not upset when I see this happen. It happens all the time. I understand it. I have a lot of grace for them, and I want you to know that it will happen and it's absolutely okay. Before we get back to the episode, if you're enjoying it so far, could you go ahead and do me a huge favor and leave a review on Apple Podcasts Or Spotify reviews help us get up in the rankings, which gives us credibility to reach out to bigger and bigger guests. We can bring them to you. It would mean so much. Let's get back to the episode. Number 34. Sometimes failure is more valuable than success in the long run. Sometimes God's rejection is God's redirection. You weren't meant to go down that path. And at the time, it might feel really hard because you put your life and soul into the project, into the thing, to the business of the relationship, whatever it is, and everybody else sees it as a failure, you might see it as a failure. I've just been doing this long enough to know, I want you to hear this, that that rejection, that failure is God's way of redirecting. It's all he's got. He's like, look, I know you wanted to go do this, but it's very unlikely that in the long run, that's the right move. There's this other opportunity that's right there that if you just created some space, you'd probably see. And in the long run, that is the move. Steve Jobs said it in his commencement speech that you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only do it looking backwards. And trust me, when I look at my life and all the crazy failures and redirections, it's bananas and yet perfect. Perfect. Everything I know today, all the people I know, the city I live in, the relationships, the wins, perfectly timed. Any one of these things that happened any sooner, I wouldn't have been ready. Going on Ed Mylett's podcast, I shared on the pod, I wasn't ready. Three, four, five years ago, Tony Robbins speaking on stage. A year prior, I wouldn't have had the experience I needed to be able to be in that environment, in a virtual environment. The first talk I ever gave, 44 foot ceilings, TV cameras, all that stuff, it was crazy. But I had the reps. Sometimes we feel in the moment that that failure means I failed. And I'm telling you, it's not. You learn the lesson, you move forward, and you will wake up in the long run and realize that was what you needed to be successful. Number 35. Friends come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. And understanding the difference is a beautiful thing. For example, just because you went to high school with somebody 27 years ago and you haven't seen them in 20 years does not mean that you have to still be friends with them on Facebook. Facebook. Just saying. I continuously curate, especially when the birthday notifications Come up. I'm like, why am I friends with this? I don't know them. I've just accepted that some people come into my life for a reason. They teach me something. It might be a hard lesson. It might not be fun at the moment, but I learned something. Other friends come into my life for a season. Maybe a specific phase in my life, my relationship status or the journey I'm on and the kind of work I'm doing, that's a season. A city I live in, that's totally fine. And then there's those people. I don't know if you've ever felt this, but I know it's true for me. Where I meet them and I go, this is a lifetime person. This is somebody's got a big heart, incredibly talented cheerleader, somebody I want in my life for the rest of my life. And those people you have to cherish. My mom used to say, if you could just find five people, fill up one hand, folks that you would consider best friends, that you lived an incredible life, that that was a life fulfilled. And I just think that's what I'm always looking for. And I use the fact that some people need to be removed out of my life, the reason or season, so that I can make space for those that are a lifetime. Number 36. What you focus on expands. It's just true. Focus stands for follow one course until successful. If you want to win. Focus. Focus means the decision to go all in. Focus means that you say no to 99% of the stuff. Focus means that you've given yourself no other option. When you hear burn the boats, the boats have been exploded. There is no other option. There's only one potential outcome, and it's winning. And when you do that, when you focus on it, it will expand. See, most people want their bank accounts to expand, but they don't focus on them. They haven't looked at their bank account. They don't measure it. They don't look at it. I look at all of my goals three, four times a day. Why? What I focus on expands. If I want these things to come true, I got to get eyes on them. I got to connect with them. Say, does any of my time in my calendar reflect these priorities? So don't tell me that you want to expand your life if you don't focus on the activities that actually would do that. Number 37. The freest person in the room is the person with no secrets. If you think about it, the person that has no secrets, nothing they're ashamed about nothing. That nobody knows about. They are open about who they are. Then they walk around with this lightness. There's no ego. They're not sarcastic, they're not jokey. I mean, I see these people and I know they're hiding stuff. Why would you say that? Why would you act that way? Why would you have to wear that? Why do you look this way? When somebody says something to me, I ask myself, why did they want me to know that? And oftentimes it's because they're trying to hide something. The more you do the shadow work, it's called, the more you go to the depths of the bottom of the sea and you investig what's down there and you give yourself permission to bring it to the surface and get some sunlight on it, you will feel so free. And if you're feeling like a prisoner of your life, it's probably because you haven't done that work. Number 38, don't make the mistake of becoming good at something you hate. I see people all the time. They're like, I'm not good with numbers. I'm going to go become great at numbers. No, you don't have to. You need to be able to do something with it, especially if it's part of your work. But you don't have to be good at it. I can be in business and not be good at something. I could own a restaurant and not be a good cook. I could own a mechanic shop and not know how to change my own tires. And what's crazy is that I could go learn how to do that. But I probably hate myself having to spend the time to learn that, because I can't see how it add any value to my life, Especially if I'm gonna eat at the restaurant and get the mechanics at my shop to change my tires. Too often people spend a lot of time trying to get good at stuff they don't enjoy at all. And that holds them back from spending the time on things that they could actually be exceptional at because they love to do it. That's a better trade. Number 39, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. It doesn't matter what life you're going to live, where you come from, you will feel pain, period. Full stop. However, suffering is an option because suffering shows up when you don't have purpose. If you don't have a reason for why you're going through the pain, suffering is going to show up. Number 40, be blissfully dissatisfied with where you're at in life. Life, it's okay to be dissatisfied with Your accomplishments so far in your life, it's okay to say, hey, I think I can do better. It doesn't mean you're not grateful for where you're at. It just means that you know your potential and you want to create and there's opportunity for you to be better at creating. I always tell people we're here to become the best version of ourselves, our 10.0 selves in that journey. We then show up and we share ourselves with others. It doesn't mean the desire to do more that we're not grateful for what we have. It just means that we're blissfully, happily, joyfully dissatisfied with our situation because. Because we know we can do more. And that pursuit of growth is actually where fulfillment comes from. Number 41, your work ethic is a reflection of your gratitude. I see people that say they want big things. They have big dreams, big goals, and they show up small. Small action, small consistency, small attitude. It's crazy. Yet they want big things. Here's my philosophy. The reason I get up at 4 in the morning and I work really hard and I show up and I do write by other people is because my work ethic is a hundred percent a reflection of my gratitude for my life. Life. The reason I show up is not from a place of lack. It's from a place of contribution. I feel personally I've been giving this freaking opportunity to do good, to help other people. I don't want to waste it. My creator said, hey, you've got these skills, I've given them to you, you worked on them, please use them. And guess what? Because I do more, great stuff comes into my life because I'm useful, I'm giving more things that I can use to do more. Number 42, if you don't learn to love the work, success will always escape you. See, there's a saying that says the person who loves to walk will walk further than the person that's motivated by the destination. And that's true. The person who learns to fall in love with the process. The infinite game of life, of showing up every day to do the work because the work instills the worth. My self worth is going to be a byproduct of me showing up and loving that process, that I'll get results in my life. Because whether I got them or I didn't get them, I'm still going to do the work. And that's what happens. A lot of people, they fall in love with the destination, they fall in love with the money, they fall in love with the accolades and then they get them and then they set up shop. They stop growing, they stop grinding. Because the whole point for them at the time was to get to this place. And now they got something to lose. But they forgot that it wasn't the place they were trying to get to or the thing they were trying to get. It was who they became along the process. That is the work you should fall in love with. You should fall in love with the process of becoming more. That'll set you up for an incredible life. Number 43 Peace begins when expectations end. Most people can't delegate, ask for help, share anything with somebody else because they have expectations about how that person will perform, what they should say back to them. And the truth is, your inner peace will only begin when you don't have expectations from anybody around you, when you don't expect the world to be a certain way. That's where peace is. I don't care what happens in the politics or in the geopolitics or in the government. I am grateful for what I have. Because guess what? In a different scenario, different situation, different place I was born, I wouldn't even have these. How about we just get grateful and have peace with what I have? That's where my expectations are. My expectations are on me because I can control that. Number 44. Don't compare your chapter one to somebody else's chapter 44. A long time ago I realized that in the game of success there are different chapters, different ages. If you think about it, how long have you been consuming content like this? If you started last year, then you're at chapter one. So for you to compare in my chapter 44, because I've been literally grinding my whole life to try to be better, to overcome addiction, to come out some dark periods, to finally having some success, to then trying to help other people. For you to just start a year ago, or not even start yet and compare yourself to me, that's just crazy. It makes no sense. And I just want you to understand that everybody out there in success world, you can't compare yourself to them. They're not you and you're not them. And they've been doing it for a different amount of time. And the truth is, comparison is a thief of joy. Are you better today than you were yesterday? Even a little tiny bit? If you are, rejoice. Be grateful for where you're at. Be proud of yourself. Thanks for listening to Martel Method. If you like this episode, could you do me a huge favor and go leave a review? This helps us get the podcast more ears and helps more people get unstuck, reclaim their freedom and build their empire.