How CEOs run their families (better than 99% of people) - The Martell Method w/ Dan Martell

Summary

Podcast Summary: How CEOs Run Their Families (Better Than 99% of People)

Podcast: The Martell Method w/ Dan Martell
Host: Dan Martell
Episode Title: How CEOs Run Their Families (Better Than 99% of People)
Release Date: November 21, 2023
Description: Dan Martell shares insights on transforming family dynamics by applying business strategies, fostering motivation, support, and alignment to enhance both personal and professional lives.

Introduction

In this enlightening episode of The Martell Method, Dan Martell delves into the intersection of leadership in business and family management. Drawing from his personal experiences of balancing entrepreneurship with family life, Martell presents a framework that CEOs and business leaders can adopt to enhance their family relationships. He emphasizes that the principles that drive business success can be effectively translated into fostering a harmonious and supportive family environment.

Synchronizing Family Life with Business Strategies

Martell begins by highlighting the hectic nature of balancing multiple roles—being a parent, spouse, and entrepreneur. He shares his and his wife's journey of managing two businesses while raising children and relocating twice within two years. This period made them realize the necessity of synchronization and structured communication in maintaining both personal and professional harmony.

Key Strategies:

Regular Structured Meetings: Martell introduces a weekly structured meeting system designed to keep family members in sync, mirroring the strategic meetings used in business settings.
Identifying Key Participants: He outlines who should be involved in these meetings, including partners, children, siblings, extended family members, and close friends, ensuring that all significant relationships receive attention.

Five Core Agenda Items for Family Meetings

Martell breaks down the weekly family meetings into five essential agenda items, each inspired by business practices:

Discussing Wins (00:01):
- Purpose: To set a positive tone by sharing individual successes.
- Quote: “I want to know where she's winning at. I want to share my wins.” (00:01)
- Implementation: Each family member shares three wins, fostering a culture of recognition and positivity.
Rating Roles (00:01):
- Purpose: To provide constructive feedback and identify areas for personal improvement.
- Quote: “How am I doing for you as a husband? Rate me as a husband.” (00:01)
- Implementation: Regularly rating each other's roles helps prevent long-term fractures in relationships by addressing issues promptly.
Calendar Review (00:01):
- Purpose: To synchronize schedules and anticipate upcoming events.
- Quote: “We'll always review the next six weeks of our lives.” (00:01)
- Implementation: Reviewing the calendar ensures that both partners are aware of commitments, reducing the likelihood of conflicts and last-minute stress.
Scorecard (00:01):
- Purpose: To measure and assess various aspects of family life.
- Quote: “We use it as one opportunity to catch people doing great things, what I call bright spots.” (00:01)
- Implementation: The scorecard includes financials, core values, and quarterly goals, providing a quantitative feedback loop for continuous improvement.
Open Discussions (00:01):
- Purpose: To address any topics or concerns that need attention.
- Quote: “There might be stuff around screen time, but also the projects that are going on in our lives.” (00:01)
- Implementation: Utilizing a shared Google Doc, family members can add discussion points, ensuring that all important topics are covered.

Establishing a Rhythm: Quarterly and Annual Planning

Martell emphasizes the importance of planning beyond weekly meetings, drawing parallels to business strategic planning.

Quarterly Retreats (00:01):
- Purpose: To reflect on the past quarter and set goals for the next.
- Format:
  - Review: Assessing what worked and what didn’t.
  - Goal Setting: Dreaming and setting both personal and professional goals.
  - Scheduling: Planning the calendar with color-coded entries for different aspects of life.
  - Conflict Resolution: Identifying and addressing overlapping commitments to minimize regrets.
Annual Planning (00:01):
- Purpose: To set long-term objectives and align family goals with personal aspirations.
- Quote: “We review the previous quarter and we ask ourselves, did we enjoy that? Would we do it again?” (00:01)

Holding Space and Creating Alignment

Martell shares a transformative realization from a couples event in Montreal, where he learned the importance of holding space for his partner’s journey rather than trying to pull her up:

Key Insights:

Holding Space: Instead of imposing growth, support your partner’s individual journey.
MVV Framework: Introduces Mission, Vision, and Values as the pillars for family alignment.

MVV Framework:

Mission:
- Definition: The North Star guiding the family’s direction.
- Example: “We want to inspire other families to pursue a lifelong journey of exploration, personal development or growth and accountability in order to better serve their community and family.”
- Importance: Provides intentional focus and direction.
Vision:
- Definition: The desired end state or destination.
- Quote: “I want to be personally an epic husband for my wife, independent of how she shows up.” (00:01)
- Implementation: Each family member should define their personal aspirations within the family's vision.
Values:
- Definition: The core principles that guide behavior and decisions.
- Example Values:
  - Prioritize: Family first.
  - Appreciate: Love and support each other.
  - Talk: Communicate positively.
  - Bond: Have fun together.
  - Believe: Love God, ourselves, and each other.
  - Impact: Love and serve others.
  - Overcome: Do hard things and stay healthy.
- Implementation: Formalize and align on these values to ensure consistent behavior and decision-making.

Practical Application and Takeaways

Martell encourages listeners to adopt these strategies by providing practical steps:

Weekly Meetings: Implement structured family meetings with the five core agenda items.
Quarterly and Annual Planning: Schedule regular retreats to review, set goals, and plan calendars.
MVV Framework: Develop a Mission, Vision, and set of Values for the family to ensure alignment and intentionality.
Communication and Feedback: Foster an environment where honest feedback and open communication are valued and encouraged.

Notable Quotes:

“We synchronize and make that happen.” (00:01)
“If we don't have a clear mission for where we're going, then it's easy for us to feel confused and not really be intentional.” (00:01)
“It's not 50/50, it's a hundred percent. You show up at 100%, 100% of the time.” (00:01)

Conclusion

Dan Martell wraps up the episode by reinforcing the significance of treating family like a business. By applying structured communication, continuous feedback, and strategic planning, CEOs can cultivate a supportive and harmonious family environment that not only enhances personal well-being but also contributes to business success.

Final Thoughts:

Resource Sharing: Martell offers a downloadable weekly agenda and encourages listeners to formalize their family’s mission, vision, and values.
Encouragement: Emphasizes the importance of intentionality and alignment in achieving both personal and professional goals.

Additional Resources

Dan's Book: Get Dan's Book
Newsletter Subscription: Subscribe – A 5-minute weekly email that could save you 5 years.
Instagram: @danmartell
Website: danmartell.com

By integrating business leadership principles into family life, Dan Martell provides a robust framework for building stronger, more aligned relationships that support both personal fulfillment and business growth.

Transcript

A (0:01)

Welcome to the Growth Stacking Podcast. This is Dan Martell. As a CEO and business owner, you should be running your family better than 99% of normal people out there. There's three things you're doing in your business that if you applied it to your family, would turn it from frustration and disappointment to one of motivation and truly feeling supported and in the end would help you in your business even more. When my wife and I decided to have kids, we essentially went from just being two in love cuddle bug, getting pregnant with our first child, starting two new companies three months after giving birth. We found out we were pregnant on the second one. We decided to move twice in a two year period. To say that our life was hectic would be an understatement. One of the big things that we had to come to a realization around is that we needed to synchronize, we needed to talk. So now every week we get together, we have a very structured meeting that I want to share with you that allows us to feel in sync. Here's how it works. So I'm going to break this into two parts. The first part is who you should be meeting with every week. And the second part is what's the agenda? The five core areas that I use in my mind when I'm talking to make sure I cover all points. So the who is first off your partner in life. Second, if you have kids, you should probably meet with your kids. My other favorite area is brothers or sisters. And then also your family members and your parents and your friends. Think about the folks that matter a lot to you and make sure that you have a minimum of 15 minute conversation or even better, maybe an hour meeting like I do with my wife. Now here are the five agenda items we go over every time we meet. Number one is we talk about our wins. I want to know where she's winning at. I want to share my wins. I want to set the tone of this meeting. So three wins is the first place we start. The second is we rate our role. See, I think most relationships end up not working out because at some point there was a fracture. Over time that fracture gets bigger and bigger and bigger and by the time they realize there is wide as the Grand Canyon, standing on the edges of the cliff, wondering what the other person is thinking and doing. So if every week I ask my wife, how am I doing for you as a husband? Rate me as a husband. It's out of 10. Maybe I'll get a four or five. Maybe I just did something that really upset her. I've got to be on the receiving end of that feedback. I listen, I hear, I ask, could you provide any more information? Could you explain that? But the cool part is the only response that's appropriate is thank you. That's it. And then she asked me that same question. It's something we look forward to because we have an opportunity to express ourselves in a way that doesn't feel like we're attacking each other and we're genuinely curious on how we can become better for the other person. Number three is calendar review. We'll always review the next six weeks of our lives. What's going on for my wife, what's going on for me. Trips, travel, workshops, events, client meetings, people flying in to meet with us just as an opportunity for us to review and see if there's things we can do to make that experience better. The most important thing to figure out in that part of our meeting is what's going on on the weekend. If we're in a rush, we always do at least the weekend, then at least two weeks, but preferably six weeks out. So we're never feeling like we're responding to information that we weren't aware of. Too busy people. Things can get a little crazy. We need to synchronize and make that happen. Number four is our scorecard. First off, we measure our financials. I'm a big fan of teaching my wife how I manage all the investments. I want to make sure that she's always in the loop with what we're doing and she never feels like she doesn't know where anything's going on. The other area is our core value. So as a family we have core values and we use those to guide us. So we always measure ourselves on a weekly basis. How are we showing up in society? How are we communicating? Communicating that with our kids. We score ourselves and then finally we look at the core goals that we've set for ourselves each quarter. So scorecard is really a way for us to stop, measure, get a quantitative feedback loop on how we're doing in regards to the way we want to measure and show up. Number five is discussions. Whatever areas to discuss and have conversations around, we always just list those in. Both my wife and I have access to a Google Doc and we'll go in and add items to that. There might be stuff around screen time, but also the projects that are going on in our lives, we're buying real. There's all these bigger type of activities that we use as kind of a catch all to bring the other Person up to speed. That is how we do it. If you want the link to the weekly agenda, just click the link below. Go download your copy. That's my gift to all of you. So that's how you keep a pulse on your relationship. But the next section is the rhythm that you need to follow, and that is where the real magic happens. Number two is quarterly retreats. We run three quarterly planning sessions every year. And then the last one is annual planning for the next year. Back in the day, it just got really hard trying to both be driven entrepreneurs, have little babies, and be there for each other. And eventually I thought to myself, why don't we run the same quarterly planning that I do in my businesses for our lives? And that quarterly planning rhythm, getting in line, has changed everything for us. So here's the format for those retreats. I break it into four key areas. The first one is we review. We look at the previous quarter and we ask ourselves, did we enjoy that? Would we do it again? Did we feel over scheduled? Did we feel like there wasn't enough stuff? The first thing we always do is reflect on the previous period, review that time to take those learnings into the next section. Number two is we set goals for the quarter or for the year. And this is personally my favorite because it gives us a chance to, like, sit down and dream a little bit. What's possible? What can we create around our health, our relationship, our business? All different areas. And it's really fun because we look at both professional, our businesses, our careers, what do we want to do? And then also personal, the relationship we want to have with our boys. Are there other people in our lives we want to get to know better? Do we have enough time to recharge for ourselves? And we put both of those categories together. We spend individual time planning, and then we come together and we share it with the other person and see if there's opportunities to support. Number three is the schedule. I have this template that I teach people that has the whole year on one page. And we can take all of the different things that we're planning to do. And we've placed plug it in using color coding to denote different things that are personal or family stuff. We put it all in there. We start to plan the calendar. And then the last part is conflicts. I'm trying to see if there's any dates that overlap commitments we've made to other people. And I'm always asking myself, would I regret not doing this so that if this was the last year of my life and that's all I had. I would feel really good with that time spent. So I'm always looking at the calendar and I'm negotiating and I'm collaborating with my wife and we're literally co creating a regret minimization strategy around our personal and professional goals. Now that you have the plan, you need this next step to make sure this whole thing works in a weekly cadence. But a dozen years ago, my wife and I went to Montreal for a couples event. I went there because I wanted to learn how I could be a better partner for my wife, et cetera. And what I discovered is there was a fear, a real fear that I may go on this journey of self improvement and growth and leave my wife behind. Here's what I learned and it changed everything for me is oftentimes when we're climbing the mountain, we have this desire to reach down and pull people up. If anything, we want it for them more than they want it for themselves. But you got to understand the person that's on that journey, they're looking up at you going, I don't know if I can keep up. And I feel like you're going to grow so far that you're going to wake up one day and not want to be with me anymore. What we want to do is we want to hold space for our partners if we try to pull them up the mountain essentially in that constrained form, there's no light, there's no nothing to get inside. Instead, do this, hold the space for your partner. And that changed everything for us and it allowed us to understand how to create alignment, specifically using the MVV framework that I want to share with you guys now. So the MVV framework starts with mission. It's very important that we have a North Star. We have a direction that the whole team or your family is aiming towards. Because what I learned a long time ago is we don't get the life we want. We get the life that we focus on. And if we don't have a clear mission for where we're going, then it's easy for us to feel confused and not really be intentional. So every family should sit down and be deliberate around the mission statement for their family. Here's the one for Renee and I as a family, we want to inspire other families to pursue a lifelong journey of exploration, personal development or growth and accountability in order to better serve their community and family. Having that mission statement allows us to show up and play full out aligned with our bigger purpose. The second part to the MVV framework is vision. And that's all about the destination. Where are you trying to end up? The intentionality of it Deciding I want to be personally an epic husband for my wife, independent of how she shows up. See, most people say, well, my partner needs to meet me. 50 50. That makes zero sense. It's not 50 50, it's a hundred percent. You show up at 100%, 100% of the time, all the time, not requiring anything. You will see your whole, whole relationship transform. So here's my personal relationship vision for my wife to live in a place of love and gratitude, compassion and adventure for my lady to make her needs mine and give unconditionally to feel her radiance and beauty at every moment. I'm just going to encourage you to sit down and just think about it. What would you want to aspire to for your relationship? Write that down. Make a commitment to live that as much as you can every day. The third element of the MVV framework is value. See, in business, I hire and I fire against our values. The difference is in our family. We use it as one opportunity to catch people doing great things, what I call bright spots. When my children are doing things that are aligned with our values, we recognize that and we want to catch people doing awesome stuff and we want to use it to correct them. So here are our core values in the Martell family. We prioritize. Essentially, we put family first. We appreciate. We love and support each other. We talk. We communicate in positive ways. We bond. We have fun together. Quite a bit of fun. We believe. We love God, ourselves and each other. We impact. We love and serve others. We overcome. We do hard things and we move. We are healthy and active. Use these for inspiration. But better yet, sit down with your family and ask them, how do we want to show up? What do we believe in? What are the values that we would die for? And come up with a handful that maybe you already have. You just got to formalize them. But take the time to be intentional about your values. So that's how you run your family. Like a business. Now, if you want to learn more about how I schedule my day as a multimillion dollar CEO, then be sure to click the link on screen and I'll see you on the other side. If you like this week's episode, be sure to visit itunes, leave a review that'll help us get in front of other founders just like you. And if you're looking for more resources and video trainings, be sure to check out dan martell2lsmartel.com to subscribe keep up the hustle, keep stacking your growth and I'll see you in next Monday's episode. Peace. Grow Peace. Bye. Bye.