B (2:50)
What the. The gag is that? It's a timer that you keep on the toilet so that I guess you can keep track of how long it takes you to finish your business. I don't know. Now, what's the problem with it? It's the same problem with any gag gift. It's just not that funny. Like, why isn't it funny? Well, because the companies that make cheap novelties are not comedic masterminds. If you're a true comedy, like, genius, you're not working at the toilet timer company. You're not getting a job coming up with wacky slogans for mugs or T shirts or ties. The people producing this stuff aren't funny. And so we're not amused. Which is why whenever you, your dad, or your husband opens a gag gift, you've probably noticed he always has the same reaction. He goes like. And then you have to spend the next five minutes explaining why it's funny. So the real gift here, I guess, is that we get to listen to you explain a joke. A joke that, by the way, really doesn't need explaining. You have to explain it. It's not good. Chief. Number two, here's. Here's another for the bad gift column. Do not buy the dad in your life any kind of object, tool, gadget, gizmo, instrument that you haven't seen him use before. By the time we become dads, we will have already picked all of the types of things that we will ever want to use, ever. We are not adding any more things. Here's the important part. That's not to say that we will have all of the things we will ever use. I said we've selected all of the types of things. Your job as the gift giver is to figure out what types of things your dad or husband uses and buy him something within that type. For example, if you've never seen him wear a watch before, don't get him a watch. He's not a watch guy. A watch is a type of thing that didn't make the cut in his life. If he likes coffee, but you've never seen him in your entire life, use a French press. Don't get him a French press. He's not a French press guy. He's not going to start to become one just because you buy him one. That's asking too much. That's a major lifestyle change. This goes especially for any kind of electronic gadget you know. If you've never seen him use a tablet, donate all them tablets. Don't get him an iPad. It's a nice gift, it's an expensive gift. He thanks you for it, but he'll never use it. He appreciates the idea of it. He likes it in theory, maybe, but he won't use it. He just doesn't use that type of thing. If you've ever seen him wear slippers, don't buy him slippers. He's not a slippers guy. I'm a slippers guy. Slippers are, for me, are a great gift, but only because that type of thing has made it onto my roster. You see, if you've never seen him use any kind of electronic back massager thing or whatever, again, don't buy him one. He doesn't use that type of thing. These are not bad gifts per se. They could be amazing gifts, but only if it's a type of thing that has already made it onto your dad or husband's menu of things that he uses. Don't try to add to the menu. Now, there is a wrinkle here that I have to mention. It's possible that a man may try to expand into a new type of thing. But if that's the case, you'll know it because he'll announce it to you. He'll be excited about his journey into a new thing. The new thing probably won't take. He probably won't stick with it or remain interested in it for very long. But for a few months or weeks, he'll be very gung ho about it. For instance, I use the example of a watch. Well, in fact, I am thinking about becoming a watch guy. Never worn one before. Randomly. I decided one day maybe I'll do the whole watch thing. I told my wife I was excited. I told her because she was asking me Christmas gifts. I said, yeah, you can give me a watch if you want. She said, watch? You're not a watch guy. And I said, I know, but we're going to try this out. I'm going on the watch journey. Who knows where to lead? Let's get crazy. Let's throw caution to the wind. Try this whole watch deal. See what the fuss is about. So she'll probably buy me a watch. I'll wear it once and never again in my life. Based. That's how it goes when a man tries to expand. So it kind of. It's sort of the exception that proves the rule. Being a husband, father and host of my own show means that life never slows down. Now imagine trying to eat 31 different fruits and vegetables every day in the midst of your busy life. Sounds miserable, sounds time consuming. But with Balance of Nature fruits and veggies, there's never been a more convenient dietary supplement to ensure you get a wide variety of fruits and vegetables every day. With 31 different whole fruit and vegetable ingredients. Balance of Nature takes fruits and vegetables, they freeze, dry them, turn them into a powder, and then put them into a capsule. You take your fruit and veggie capsules every day and your body knows what to do with them. It's that simple. Go to balanceofnature.com and use promo code WAL for 35% off your first order as a preferred customer. Plus, get a free bottle of fiber and Spice. That's balanceofnature.com, promo code Walsh. Finally, this is a note for wives. Specifically, don't buy your husband a gift that's really a gift for you. We see what you're doing. We're onto you. We know what game you're playing. Ladies, I'll give you an example. My wife, usually an expert level gift giver, truly a master of the craft, she can still occasionally try to sneak one of these things past me. So recently she gifted me something that is called, and I'm not making this up, a beard bib. So this is a large bib. Yes. A bib that you wear when you're trimming your beard and it attaches by suction cups to the mirror in the bathroom. You wear it around your neck and it goes to the mirror. All right, Gay. And the idea is that it catches the beard trimming so that they don't clog up the sink. This is the gift my wife get. Why did she give me this generous gift? Well, because she is tired of the sink being clogged with beard trimmings. I, on the other hand, am not tired of it. I think it's fine. I think it's not a big deal. So this is a gift that she bought for herself. It's also something that I, in a million years would never use. You could put a gun to my head and tell me to choose between a bloody death or the beard bib. And I would take death and it would not be a hard decision. So the beard bib violated basically every rule I've just laid out. It's a type of thing I've certainly never used and would never use. And it's a gift for my wife, not for me. Let it slide, because my wife bats like 900 with gifts. But still, it's the sort of thing you don't want to do. So what gift should you buy the dad in your life? And I'll tell you, and this may sound like an unhelpful answer, but it is the answer. Just buy him something that he likes. You take that back. That's it. Every dad has about three, maybe four things that he likes. No, dad likes more than five things. Five is the top. Some like fewer than three. There are dads who only like one thing, but usually it's like three, three or four. That's the average. So, for example, I'll give you another example. My dad likes to eat at Ruby Tuesday. It's one of the three things he likes. Ruby Tuesday. It's not my thing. I don't quite understand his brand loyalty to Ruby Tuesday. You sure about that? But that's fine. My dad likes it. So over the years I've, I have probably given him a gift card to Ruby Tuesday for probably like 20 different gift giving occasions. And so my wife, she'll, she'll, you know, every year she'll look at that and say, so, you know, it's hard to figure out what to get your dad. And I say, what do you mean it's hard? He likes Ruby Tuesday. What's complicated about this? It's not hard. This is what he likes. Just get him that. See, when people say that their dad or husband is hard to shop for, what they mean is that it's hard to find them a gift other than the three kinds of gifts that he likes. And these are, they feel like they need to switch it up, get creative, expand his horizons. No, we don't want our horizons expanded. We've set our horizons exactly where we want them. And they will stay there until we die and that's it. All that said, we don't care that much. So you really just get whatever you want. It's fine. I mean, in truth, if we want something, we'll just buy it for ourselves anyway, so the whole thing is sort of pointless. Even so, for the record, these are the gift giving rules and these are the dad gifts that are today canceled. Married in Christmas to.
