Ep. 764: The Fish Heist - A MeatEater D&D Adventure! MeatEater Trivia CLXXXII

Summary

The MeatEater Podcast – Ep. 764: The Fish Heist – A MeatEater D&D Adventure! (MeatEater Trivia CLXXXII)

Date: September 17, 2025
Host: Phil Taylor (Guest Host)
Guests/Players: Ryan Callahan (Cal), Spencer Newharth, Brody Henderson, Seth Morris, Reva Hanson
Episode Description:
Today’s episode fuses the tradition of MeatEater Trivia with the imaginative world of Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) in an epic, laughter-filled tabletop adventure themed around a real-life “fish heist” at MeatEater HQ. With humor, quick wits, dice rolls, and a touch of the absurd, the MeatEater crew role-plays a surreal investigative journey—complete with monsters, magic weapons, and the ever-elusive missing redfish.

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Episode Overview

The main theme of the episode is a playful Dungeons & Dragons-style campaign set at the MeatEater headquarters, inspired by a true story involving missing fish at the office. Phil Taylor serves as both host and dungeon master, guiding the regular trivia crew through a fantastical, interactive investigation to recover stolen Louisiana redfish from the MeatEater freezer. Structured like a classic tabletop RPG, the adventure features character introductions, dice-based decision-making, imaginary battles, and a whole lot of improvisational comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Adventure Breakdown

1. Kickoff & Setting the Mood

[01:24 – 03:16]

• Phil welcomes listeners to an unconventional “MeatEater Trivia.”
• Players introduce themselves and roll a 20-sided die to “determine the kind of day they're having at work.”
  • Each die roll creates humorous, mini backstories for each team member, such as spilled coffee, late podcast submissions, and dog-related chaos.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • Phil (on Brody’s bad day): "You woke up on the right side of the bed, but it didn’t last very long. You spilled coffee… Steve came back with a bunch of revisions for the book you didn’t agree with. But hey, he’s the boss." [05:46]
    • Cal describing a rough morning: "This morning I wrote an article on upcoming threats to public lands…then I was reminded about things I didn't finish last week… Then Snort (the dog) had diarrhea so bad I had to leave the door open just to try to get some sleep." [08:18]

2. The Fish Heist Mystery Unveiled

[10:15 – 14:03]

• The crew learns that ten pieces of Louisiana redfish have gone missing from the office freezer.
• A real memo from Steve Rinella reveals the fish theft and offers a $20 reward for info.
• The staff is tasked with solving the heist, and everyone immediately suspects fellow colleagues (Clay, Chester) or the only other oddity: Snort, Cal’s dog.

3. A D&D Adventure Begins

[14:03 – 26:31]

• The adventure turns fantastical:
  • Players interrogate Chester and Clay, who quickly admit to “stealing” ice cream but deny touching the fish.
  • Snort is found near the freezer—malnourished and acting strangely. A glowing, mysterious hole appears at the bottom of the freezer.
  • The team arms themselves with a D&D-esque assortment of weapons (bow, rifle, axe, machete, skinning knives, and a signed guitar) before jumping into the portal/fantasy realm beneath the office.
  • Classic D&D flavor:
    • Rolling for perception checks, dividing up magical items (cloak of billowing, scroll of remove curse, potions), debating tactics, and teasing each other about weapon choice.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Spencer (on the surreal situation): "I was just worried that Snort wouldn't have gone across that. So she might have gone down by the boat." [40:09]

4. Dungeon Delving: Into the Underdark

[26:31 – 41:14]

• The party navigates an enormous, glowing fungal cave teeming with bioluminescent mushrooms, hostile bat-like creatures, and other supernatural hazards.
• Clues continue to emerge:
  • Snort’s tracks are found leading into the depths (proof that she’s been here).
  • A mutilated body and a cryptic letter are discovered, hinting at darker magic and “portal” guardians.
  • Players gather magical items to aid their quest.
• The party crosses a dangerous chasm by firing a rope across with an arrow and crawling to the far side—classic outdoor-meets-fantasy problem solving.

5. The Final Showdown: Cat, Mushrooms, & Magic

[41:14 – 76:00]

• Boss Encounter: Players confront a massive, humanoid black housecat holding a wriggling ball of leeches, which controls Snort (who is in a trance).
  • The Cat’s backstory: it was transformed and coerced by a “skinny wizard.” It admits to eating a prior intruder (the corpse discovered earlier).
  • Combat ensues: The cat, possessed Snort, and an army of hostile mushrooms battle the MeatEater crew.
  • The team uses their weapons and spells, attempts to free Snort, and ultimately coordinates attacks to kill the cat and break the spell.
  • Memorable Moment:
    • The use of magical items and the "cloak of billowing" for dramatic flair [71:10], to physically knock mushrooms prone during the fight.

6. Return & Resolution

[75:10 – 77:10]

• Killing the cat breaks the spell; Snort returns to her senses.
• They recover the missing fish from a skiff in the magical cavern just as the underground world collapses—a timed escape back through the portal.
• After a harrowing return, they emerge in the MeatEater kitchen, covered in wounds and weird growths, where Clay and Chester are confusedly eating ice cream.
• Epilogue Twist: Corinne bursts in, searching for her missing cat—implying the cat “boss” may have been her lost pet all along.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Phil on the staff’s dice-based days:
  "You spilled some coffee on the front of your shirt. Steve came back to you with a bunch of revisions… Hey, he’s the boss." [05:46]
• Cal on outdoor writing reality:
  "This morning I wrote an article on upcoming threats to public lands… then I was reminded of a lot of things I didn’t complete… and then Snort had diarrhea so bad I had to leave the door open so I could try to get some sleep." [08:18]
• Phil (transitioning into fantasy):
  "You all take turns heading feet first into this mysterious hole. After sliding down a surprisingly smooth chute, the air becomes thick with moisture, and you land on an unexpectedly soft and foamy surface in total darkness." [26:31]
• Spencer (referencing Stranger Things): "What’s the Netflix show you like, Phil? … Stranger Things. Yeah, it feels like that a little." [32:16]
• Cat Boss (voiced by Phil): "So I was just waiting. … A dreadfully ugly man in a cloak stole me away into the freezer … cursed me and turned me into this abomination … Said in exchange for food I would guard this trail and kill anything that tried to pass." [43:08]
• Brody, discussing tactics/problem-solving: "I want to chop the hand off that's holding [the leeches]." [69:09]
• After the fight:
  "At the death of the cat … 30 or 40 mushrooms shriek in a banshee wail. The cavern starts to collapse. You sprint for the portal and burst back into the kitchen, covered in blood and weird fungal growths." [75:10]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:24] – Introduction, dice rolling for “day quality”
• [10:15] – The fish heist is presented, suspects suggested
• [14:03] – Desk-to-dungeon: The portal/fantasy begins
• [26:31] – Party enters the “under freezer” magical world
• [32:16] – "Stranger Things" analogy and mushroom forest revealed
• [41:14] – Encounter with the cat boss, snort-enslaved dog, and mushrooms
• [56:00 –76:00] – Climax: Boss battle, spells, and teamwork
• [75:47] – The return, resolution, and real-world cliffhanger

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Tone & Style

True to MeatEater style, this episode is brimming with irreverent humor, camaraderie, and a playful blend of outdoorsmanship and pop-culture references. Phil’s narration as dungeon master provides structure and spontaneous entertainment, while the crew’s banter and problem-solving reflect both their outdoor expertise and their willingness to get silly with fantasy tropes. Fans are treated to in-jokes about office life, fieldwork accidents, and D&D’s narrative logic.

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Summary for First-time Listeners

This special MeatEater RPG episode is a hilarious, creative detour from typical outdoor trivia. Listeners get a taste of the tight-knit, playful office culture of the MeatEater team, as well as an imaginative adventure that cleverly melds real-life outdoor mishaps and inside jokes with the mechanics of dice-driven fantasy storytelling. The “fish heist” serves as both a real-world mystery and a springboard for inventive problem-solving, team-based heroics, and lots of laughs.

If you’re a fan of MeatEater, D&D, or just good-natured outdoor shenanigans, this episode is a standout—unexpected, wildly creative, and full of moments you’ll remember (even as you wonder if you’ve ever found mushrooms glowing in your own freezer).

Transcript

[Podcast Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast.

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[Phil Taylor]

It'S a media podcast. Hey, welcome to Meat Eater Trivia, the only game show where conservation always wins. I am your guest host Phil Taylor and today we are joined by Ryan Callahan, Spencer Newharth, Brody Henderson, Seth Morris and Reva Hanson. This is normally a 10 round quiz show with questions from Meat Eater's four verticals which are hunting, fishing, conservation and cooking. But what will it be today? Who's to say? But there will still be a prize with one of the players donating $500 to the Conservation organization of their choosing for the stat of the week. This week we are looking at the number 10 because that's how many pieces of fish were once stolen from a freezer here at Meat Eater HQ with the perpetrator never being caught. We have no IFAQ this week, but Spencer, we have a little bit of housekeeping. Why don't you take that away?

[Spencer Newharth]

The grand opening of the Milwaukee Meat Eater store is Friday, September 19th. So just a couple days after this is dropping doors open at 4pm Event goes until 7pm there's food and beer plus free merch for the first 100 people through the door. Me, Mark Kenyon and the Wisconsin native Chester Floyd will be there hanging out. The store is located at the corners of Brookfield. Again 4 to 7pm this Friday. Come stump us with trivia. Tell us your hunting stories. Show Chester your fishing pictures. Make them really jealous with some musky pictures that you have on your phone. It's going to Be fun. And then the next day we will be in Madison for the tailgate tour. So a full weekend of Wisconsin shenanigans happening soon.

[Cal]

Oh, I'm going to put on a couple of LBs on that loop.

[Spencer Newharth]

It'll be good.

[Phil Taylor]

Thank you, Spencer.

[Seth Morris]

Beer and cheese curds.

[Phil Taylor]

Well, we've got a lot to get to today. I don't know how long it's going to take actually. So let's get right into the game. Let's play. The drop.

[Spencer Newharth]

Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick, a shadow on the wall.

[Cal]

Wow.

[Seth Morris]

Seems a little different, Phil.

[Phil Taylor]

A little different. It's Phil Trivia, baby. You're in the great game now. The great game is terrifying.

[Spencer Newharth]

We have no idea what to expect. Phil specifically asked for five people here and said, don't snoop around the studio. So a lot of anticipation.

[Phil Taylor]

Phil, let's get to it. Our story opens in the mountain town of Bozeman, Montana. It was once a humble hamlet of ski bums and college kids who like to fly fish. But now it's filled with more than its fair share of celebrities. Tech bros and Texas expats looking to live out their Dutton Ranch free ranch fantasies on the outskirts of Yellowstone, each playing their own role in really mucking up the housing market. But more importantly to our story, Bozeman is also home to Meat Eater hq, where everyday outdoor loving people come together to produce videos, podcasts, books, and freeze dried stroganoff. All in the name of celebrating the pursuit of wild game and protecting the land that we all use to do that. Yes. Spencer Neuharth, why don't you remind the audience what you do here at Meat Eater and just kind of give us a brief look into a typical workday.

[Spencer Newharth]

Mmm.

[Phil Taylor]

So how about specifically a trivia day when you're hosting trivia?

[Spencer Newharth]

I host trivia. So on a typical trivia day, I'm wrapping up any loose ends for the script. And yeah, then we show up here, prep the studio, which is mostly just passing out whiteboards and markers, and then usually harassing Cal to see if he's going to make it or not. And then it takes about an hour to record and then Phil takes it away from there. He does the rest. That's what a day of hosting trivia is like.

[Phil Taylor]

Awesome. Spencer, why don't you put that whiteboard away? You're not going to need it. Go ahead and take this 20 sided die. Okay. I want you to give that a roll.

[Spencer Newharth]

18.

[Phil Taylor]

18. Spencer, holy crap. You had a great day at work today.

[Spencer Newharth]

All right.

[Phil Taylor]

Just the best trivia questions. You know, people complain that question number 10 was a fishing question, but, you know, it was still just really well crafted. I'd say you had a great day, Brody. Same thing. What do you do here? And what is a typical day for Brody Henderson look like?

[Brody Henderson]

Typical? Die write books with this guy named Steven Rinello. Some people say he's a good writer. So I write a lot. And now I'm doing a lot of, like, visual graphics, like artwork, book for artwork for a book that's due in over a year.

[Phil Taylor]

Right on. There's one for you, Brody. Good. And give that a roll. That.

[Cal]

Where's this going?

[Phil Taylor]

Eight. That's an eight. Brody, you've had better days. You woke up on the right side of the bed, but it didn't last very long. You spilled some coffee on the front of your shirt. Steve came back to you with a bunch of revisions for the book that you didn't really agree with. But, hey, he's the boss. Seth, that seems like an 8 out of 20 day. Yeah. Same for you.

[Seth Morris]

Senior photographer here at Meat Eater. I do a lot of product photography, shooting white background stuff which is just, you know, super fun. There is no average day for me. Honestly, every day is a little different. I. I do trivia. I do all sorts of other photo shoots. I'll sit in on podcasts, you know, sometimes. Some days I'm editing photos, Some days I'm shooting photos. Some days I'm shooting video of Steve cut a big giant piece of fat off a buffalo carcass. Some days I'm fleshing beavers. You just never really know.

[Phil Taylor]

Give that die a roll, Seth.

[Seth Morris]

Three.

[Phil Taylor]

Seth, what's this mean? Phil, it's been a rough week. Corinne asked you to film a podcast that you have nothing to do with. Really, Frank? It's Phil's job, but he was busy doing other stuff. There was a ton of wind. Some of the cameras died. You gave Phil the video cards and said that you'd like them back on time, and he just totally forgot. I still don't have Ariel. Ariel happened, by the way. Got his ass whooped in trivia.

[Seth Morris]

He sounds like last week for some reason.

[Phil Taylor]

It's tough for you, Cal. Same for you.

[Cal]

This morning I wrote an article on threat upcoming threats to public lands. I responded to several other things I wrote last week that were heavily revised. And then I was reminded of a lot of other things that I partially finished last week and didn't complete. And that's kind of average, really, right?

[Phil Taylor]

Oh.

[Cal]

That'S A one off.

[Seth Morris]

I thought I was gonna be the lowest.

[Phil Taylor]

No, Cal, you accidentally ate some raw meat the night before. It was a horrible night.

[Seth Morris]

And it was sushi.

[Phil Taylor]

You and Snort both were up all night for separate reasons. You got no sleep. You forgot to record your podcast, and Phil hounded you, and then you recorded the whole thing and then realized you forgot to hit the record button because you had to do it all over again.

[Cal]

This is real life. Snort got so sick that I had to leave the door open so I could try to get some sleep. And then in the morning when I woke up, she had tracked shit onto the bed.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, she had diarrhea so bad. Oh, no.

[Cal]

And this was the one night where I was like, I'm gonna go to bed at like 8:30 so I can really get some sleep. So, yeah, it's one. That's a one.

[Spencer Newharth]

One out of 20.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. Horrible. Reva, your turn.

[Reva Hanson]

I am on the podcast team with the one and only Philliam over here.

[Phil Taylor]

Where.

[Reva Hanson]

I edit and sound design Bear Grease and this Country Life podcast. I publish all the episodes of all the podcasts, all the places in YouTube and bug this guy about getting his ads recorded and stuff like that.

[Phil Taylor]

Your turn. Riva.

[Spencer Newharth]

Can't be a worse day than Cal.

[Phil Taylor]

1212. Not a bad day. You know, the render could have come in a little bit more on time, you know, but Cal got you his ads. Wow, you finished your work early. It's like 1pm on a Friday. And just got to wait for the trivia game coming up today.

[Reva Hanson]

Ooh, I like it.

[Brody Henderson]

Phil, I got a question for you.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, what's up, Brody?

[Brody Henderson]

Have these dice seen real action in Dungeons and Dragons?

[Phil Taylor]

This may be the first time.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow. Okay, break them in.

[Phil Taylor]

Were they purchased just for this purpose? I don't know. Let's see. Well, thanks, guys. Today's an exciting day at the office because not only is it a Friday, but it's also a trivia record day. And a couple of out of town colleagues, Clay and Chester, are in town as well. And you'll bring. Being a Friday afternoon, most of your colleagues are out getting fueled by nature, so the office is pretty quiet. But you all make your way down to the podcast studio and run into Clay, who's just coming in the front door, arriving for the day. He's got a little meeting with Steve later and he says, hey. Hey, guys. How's it going? It's nice to be here. How are you?

[Seth Morris]

Good, good, Clay.

[Phil Taylor]

You guys playing trivia today? Yes, we are.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yes, we are, Clay.

[Phil Taylor]

I didn't get the invite, but, you know, that's all right. What are you going to do about it?

[Spencer Newharth]

Well, your accent's a little weird today, too.

[Phil Taylor]

I don't know what you're talking about. It sounds exactly like I sound. Every single day. Chester comes down to says, oh, guys. Hey, Clay, I didn't get invited to play trivia either, but I think Seth and I are going to go up to the reservoir and get after some walleye after the game, right?

[Seth Morris]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. Clay jumps in. He's like, you guys have room on the boat for another? And Chester turns to him and says, no, it gets kind of packed with more than two, three specifically. So I don't know why Chester just sounded like Clay right now. But anyway, Clay seems a little offended, but at this time, Steve Rinella walks in holding a styrofoam cooler, comes walking by. Oh, nice to run into you guys down here. You playing trivia?

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recording at one o'.

[Phil Taylor]

Clock. Yeah, you're lucky I'm not playing or I would have whipped your asses. Clay turns to Steve and says, steve, what's in that cooler there? It's like, oh, well, Chester and I just got back from Louisiana. Caught some reds, gonna, you know, blacken them up for the family tonight. I'm just gonna throw them in this freezer. I'm gonna run upstairs and take a call. But after my call, I'm going to grab the fish and take off. But you guys, you guys have a have a fun game, okay?

[Spencer Newharth]

Thanks, Steve.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, so, but before that, Steve asked Chester and Clay to help him get some more stuff out of his car and bring it to the freezer. Pretty standard, but now you all walk into the podcast studio, Spencer sits at the host seat, and you all play a game of trivia. What I want you to do now is to roll that same die. If you got a 10 or above earlier when you rolled for what kind of a day you had, I want you to add a four to this roll. If you had a bad day. One through nine, gotta subtract a four. Mmm. This is crazy. But, Cal, you still won the game of trivia despite shitting your pants all night and turning your podcast in late. So, you know, congratulations to Cal. You did it.

[Spencer Newharth]

Hey, way to go.

[Phil Taylor]

Thank you. What conservation organization would you like to donate your $500 to to?

[Cal]

We're going to go backcountry hunters and anglers, please.

[Phil Taylor]

Bha. Great. Great.

[Spencer Newharth]

Typical.

[Cal]

Typical.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay, well, after the game, y' all head out into the hallway. Spencer, you have an early dinner reservation with Shelby tonight. And, you know, since it's already nearing five o', clock, she just decides to meet you at the office. You can roll over together and then, you know, you can head. Oh.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, my goodness.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, my God. Shelly, what are you doing here? We have an early dinner reservation. It's crazy. Well, it's so nice of you to meet Spencer.

[Cal]

I feel like Spencer looks a little nervous.

[Spencer Newharth]

I did not know this was happening. My wife is now in the studio.

[Seth Morris]

This is the craziest trivia episode ever.

[Phil Taylor]

As you all get up and file out of the studio, those of you who have email notifications on your phone, you all get pings at the same time. You pull out your phone and check it and you open your email to find this very real email we once got from Steven Rinella says, hi, all. There were about 10ish pieces of fish from the Srme, Louisiana chute that were physically put into the freezer this afternoon, but now are gone. Did anyone move items or take items for chutes? Maybe thinking it was something else? Please let me know. We will offer a reward. $20 for any info.

[Spencer Newharth]

Mm.

[Phil Taylor]

Well, the game is afoot. You all probably have better and more important things to do. But $20 is $20. And with the office being mostly empty, the list of suspects does not stretch long. What do you want to do?

[Cal]

Find them.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, let's get them.

[Phil Taylor]

Take stock of everyone in the office. And by your estimation, the only people you know who are in the office today are Clay, Chester, all of you. You can look around the building. You can talk to Clay and Chester.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Cal]

Chester's allergic to fish.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, yeah.

[Brody Henderson]

He might have done it out of spite because he is allergic.

[Cal]

He's always supplying people for fish. Press.

[Spencer Newharth]

Let's talk to Chester. I don't think Chester can lie either. No, he definitely can't for him. Although Clay can't really lie. Let's talk to Chester. Like that.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. Y' all head up to Chester's office, and from down the hallway, you hear some music playing. He's practicing his guitar. Something like. That's why you don't take your ex's lover to your favorite hunting spot. You all file in and ch. Oh, hey, guys. Oh, hey. What's the occasions? Oh, hey, guys. Yeah. How's it going? Apologies to the entire state of Wisconsin. What are you doing here?

[Cal]

Well, some fish has gone missing, and we'd like to come and ask if you know anything about it. You did help put fish in the freezer.

[Spencer Newharth]

Mm. And there's not many folks at the office today, Chester, so it's a short list of suspects.

[Phil Taylor]

Well, I, I saw you're coming at.

[Brody Henderson]

Him strong right off the bat.

[Spencer Newharth]

No, we're just seeing what he knows.

[Cal]

Lots of opportunity for good cops here.

[Brody Henderson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

Chester turns to Seth, like, looking for a life chat boat.

[Seth Morris]

Did you actually put it in the freezer? Because sometimes you forget to do things as you're doing them.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, yeah, I definitely. I put it in the freezer. I mean, you can ask Clay. I was there. Clay can vouch for me, and Steve can vouch for me, too.

[Cal]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

All right.

[Spencer Newharth]

All right. Well, yeah, maybe we should go talk to Clay then. Or should we talk to Chester a little longer, you think?

[Phil Taylor]

Spencer, why don't you go ahead and roll that? Die for me, please.

[Spencer Newharth]

I rolled a 13.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay, this is a little bit of an insight check into Chester. He's telling you the truth, but he's leaving something out.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, okay.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay. I, I, I helped Steve bring in. Bring in what he wanted, and then, you know, just came up here, write some music, that's all.

[Cal]

Okay, so he brought in what he wanted, but not necessarily everything.

[Phil Taylor]

I, I don't. I mean, guys, I'm. I'm allergic to fish. I don't know why you're accusing me of. Of this.

[Brody Henderson]

Did you see someone else handling fish?

[Phil Taylor]

Just Clay. You know, honestly, if I were you, I would go talk to. I would go talk to Clay. I don't know who else is here.

[Podcast Announcer]

Hey, Chester, maybe you want to come with everyone to talk to Clay, maybe?

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, I'll do that. Let's go. Okay. So, y' all get up. You go over to Clay's office. Oh, what's the occasion? Is this the Spanish Inquisition or what's going on here?

[Spencer Newharth]

Well, Clay, some fish has gone missing that Chester says he put in the freezer, so we're just trying to figure out where it went.

[Seth Morris]

And it sounded like you were there when Chet put it in the freezer.

[Phil Taylor]

Seth, go ahead and roll that die. You're gonna make a perception check for me.

[Seth Morris]

10.

[Phil Taylor]

That's exactly what you needed. You notice that Clay does a quick side glance to Chester at the mention of the freezer? Me and Chester helped Steve bring in his fish and a couple other things. Put them in the freezer. And a couple.

[Podcast Announcer]

What else is going in the freezer?

[Phil Taylor]

Listen, guys, I don't know what else to tell you. I mean, Chester can say we brought in the fish. Honestly, I'm a little offended this is even happening right now. I Like to come into town and see you guys and not having a great time, to be honest.

[Cal]

Did you happen to notice anybody else around the freezer?

[Phil Taylor]

Cal? Go ahead and make an intimidation check.

[Cal]

14.

[Seth Morris]

Oh, man, that's intimidating.

[Phil Taylor]

Clay turns to Chester. They look at you. Okay, I'm sorry. I swear we didn't take any fish. But Steve told us about some ice cream that was in the freezer that Dometic sent us as sort of like a promotional thing. He said he didn't want us to take it, but it's ice cream. We took the gosh darn ice cream. Okay, I'm sorry. I can show you. We can bring you down there. I'll help you look for the fish.

[Cal]

There's real sweet tooths in those mouths.

[Seth Morris]

Too, Chester, for sure.

[Phil Taylor]

Chester looks incredibly shameful right now. Well, anyway, you guys, with the admission of the ice cream theft, Clay and Chester bring you down to the freezer. Cal, I would like for you to make a perception check.

[Cal]

Ooh, six.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay, well, you don't notice everything, but one thing you absolutely do notice is that your dog, Snort, who you haven't seen for a couple of hours because you were playing trivia and working, and she was kind of wandering around the office. You see her standing by the freezer. The freezer door is open, and her mouth is just full of bags of food. Crackers, freeze dried meats, jerky. She looks at you and she looks different. She looks malnourished and kind of skinny, despite you just having seen her a couple hours ago. And upon seeing you, she immediately runs towards the freezer and jumps in.

[Spencer Newharth]

We should follow her.

[Podcast Announcer]

We should probably investigate that.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, y' all congregate around the freezer and investigate. And looking in, you see no sign of Snort. But what you do see is a gaping hole at the bottom of the freezer with, like, kind of a faint teal glow around the edges of the hole. And it's about as deep as the freezer and four feet wide.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, well, I've canceled our reservation. We have to check this out.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, we should investigate the. The freezer portal for sure.

[Phil Taylor]

So you guys are going to dive into the freezer?

[Spencer Newharth]

Yes. Yes, we are.

[Brody Henderson]

Now we're going to throw something in and see what happens.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, okay. That's a good idea.

[Podcast Announcer]

Skeptical.

[Phil Taylor]

Brody, what would you like to pick up and throw in.

[Cal]

The.

[Seth Morris]

The fetuses that Corinne has frozen in that freezer? Those pig fetuses.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, take a pig fetus, throw it down. You hear kind of like a sound of just like friction, like something is sliding and it gets quieter and quieter and quieter and then disappears. I think we should go get Steve.

[Brody Henderson]

And see if he wants to take a ride down the portal.

[Phil Taylor]

Well, Steve took off for the day, actually.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, he's gone.

[Cal]

I mean, let's be honest, if that was in fact my dog, I'd be going down. Cal's going.

[Seth Morris]

Cal's going.

[Phil Taylor]

So you all gear up to head just completely blind into this hole that appeared into a freezer. Seems like a stupid thing to do. But before you do, Clay stops you and says, whoa, hold on. It's dangerous to go alone. And then goes to the gun safe that's over there by the freezer and opens it up. You shouldn't go in unarmed. And he opens the safe and you see kind of a strange assortment of five different weapons. You see a traditional recurve bow, a.308 Winchester rifle, a massive just like axe for cutting down trees, two skinning knives, a machete. And then next to the gun safe, leaning against it, is the guitar signed by CO Wetzel that CO Gave to Chili. And it's crazy. There are six things you can take and there's six of you.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow.

[Phil Taylor]

It's bizarre.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, well, should we figure out who takes what weapon then?

[Brody Henderson]

So if we decided we can't let Cal go alone now and we're all going with him.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah. Yeah. Cal, you're probably the best traditional archery person in here, I would say.

[Phil Taylor]

Right.

[Cal]

I can't imagine that's the best weapon for going into a hole with, but.

[Phil Taylor]

I will take it. Cal. Cal's taking the bow.

[Brody Henderson]

I want that big ass axe.

[Phil Taylor]

Brody wants the ax.

[Seth Morris]

Brody wants the axe.

[Spencer Newharth]

There we go. As the winner of the SIG shooting competition earlier this year, I should probably have the.308 since I'm the best shot in the group.

[Seth Morris]

What's left?

[Reva Hanson]

There's a machete knife.

[Seth Morris]

The machete.

[Brody Henderson]

You know how to use Couple skinning.

[Cal]

Knives and a guitar.

[Seth Morris]

I can use a skinning knife. I know I don't get.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, no. Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Frankly, I don't feel like a safe person with any of these options. So maybe I'll take the guitar.

[Spencer Newharth]

She does not know how to play. But you can play. What was your instrument?

[Podcast Announcer]

French horn.

[Spencer Newharth]

A French horn.

[Phil Taylor]

Super useful.

[Spencer Newharth]

Going into a freezer portal.

[Reva Hanson]

You never know when something needs to be a lullaby.

[Spencer Newharth]

So what's that leave Reva with?

[Phil Taylor]

Okay.

[Reva Hanson]

Machete.

[Seth Morris]

A machete.

[Phil Taylor]

Perfect.

[Podcast Announcer]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Phil Taylor]

Seth.

[Seth Morris]

You got the skinny knives.

[Spencer Newharth]

Phil has now distributed some pieces of paper that have stats on them that goes along with the weapon we chose.

[Phil Taylor]

Everything's I only I put information on this sheet. Only pertinent information. Frankly about only a quarter of this is anything you're going to use. So don't be intimidated. I'm going to try to make this as easy as possible.

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[Phil Taylor]

You know, after you guys all take these weapons, you look down into the hole, give a salute to Clay and Chester, who are going to stay back. You know, someone's got to guard the freezer. Yeah, and this ice cream is not going to eat itself. So they hang back and you all take turns heading feet first into this mysterious hole. And after sliding down a surprisingly smooth shoot of soil and loam for about 20, 30ft, you can't help but feel the air becoming thick with moisture, even as the fear of what may await you at the bottom of this slide begins to take over. And then you land on an unexpectedly soft and foamy surface in complete and total darkness. Everyone around here could make a perception check for me, so I'm going to roll the 20 sided die, the one that you've had the whole time. There is a stat listed in the blue highlighted section that says perception. I would like for you to add that number to the die and tell me what you got.

[Spencer Newharth]

In the blue area.

[Brody Henderson]

Yeah, I don't see.

[Cal]

Intelligence, wisdom, charisma, constitution, dexterity and strength.

[Phil Taylor]

Is what I have. Those are the main ones. And then there are. There's some smaller texts under there.

[Podcast Announcer]

Oh, so in the wisdom there's.

[Phil Taylor]

Yes, under wisdom I got a so perceptive.

[Brody Henderson]

So what do we add that number to? Our number?

[Phil Taylor]

Yep. To the number you got on the die.

[Spencer Newharth]

I have a 14 plus five, so a 19.

[Phil Taylor]

Whoa.

[Podcast Announcer]

Dang.

[Brody Henderson]

I have an 18 plus one. So 19.

[Phil Taylor]

Hey.

[Seth Morris]

16 plus three.

[Phil Taylor]

19.

[Cal]

I have eight total.

[Phil Taylor]

Riva. Four. Dang.

[Podcast Announcer]

We're not very perceptive.

[Phil Taylor]

No. Well, other than a thick humidity and a smell of rotting, fermenting vegetation, you have really no perception of anything around you. I mean, you can't even get a sense of the size of the space you're in, as there is essentially no reverberation of sound to give you any Sort of, kind of subconscious echolocation. But one thing that you three notice is that you feel almost a glow throughout your entire bodies. You know, like you just chugged like a nitro cold brew. Or like a 5 milligram gummy is just kicking in. Something like that.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, what's that feel like?

[Cal]

Or mount Knops Ignite, perhaps?

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, yeah, that as well. But Brody, you notice on the ground there, just a very faint pulsing purple light emanating from a tiny mushroom. Mmm.

[Brody Henderson]

Spencer, what kind of mushroom is that?

[Spencer Newharth]

I have never seen a mushroom like that. That pulsates. I mean, the closest thing would maybe be like a fly agaric, but it's. It doesn't look too much like a fly. Garrick.

[Cal]

I bet Shelby will eat it.

[Podcast Announcer]

No, actually, don't touch it. Spencer loves to touch a mushroom. He's investigating. Don't touch that. I don't know what that is.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, Yeah, I would rather not touch it. Maybe poke at it a little, though.

[Podcast Announcer]

Well, not with your hand. Maybe like with your rifle.

[Spencer Newharth]

The rifle.

[Seth Morris]

With the rifle, yeah.

[Spencer Newharth]

Just in case it gets me.

[Phil Taylor]

Sure. All right, you take your rifle and you give the little mushroom a poke. And then almost immediately, like a ripple reverberating in a still pond, a wave of light emanates from the small mushroom. And hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of mushrooms and fungal growths alight in this space with an electric iridescence. Bright at first, then dimming down into a soft glow. But it's enough to light this entire area that you're in. Okay, you stand inside a massive cavern maybe 400ft high. You can see the ceiling because there's also fungal growths along the ceiling that are lit up as well. But the space is so expansive, you can't see any sort of wall in any cardinal direction. Your only sense of where to go from here is a crudely cut trail right in front of you that's carved through a section of this fungal forest.

[Spencer Newharth]

Hmm.

[Cal]

Could this be what's having averse effects on my dog?

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Is snort around? Have we called for snort? Have we?

[Phil Taylor]

Cal, why don't you give me an investigation check with advantage? What that means is you roll that 20 sided die twice and you take the highest result.

[Cal]

That's a twelver and a five.

[Phil Taylor]

Take 12. You're going to add your investigation score on there, which I believe is under in intelligence.

[Spencer Newharth]

Intelligence.

[Phil Taylor]

If you can read, I can bring the lights up.

[Cal]

Well, oddly enough, in both the intelligence and charisma categories, I have zeros across the board. No.

[Phil Taylor]

Well, you Know what? That's still enough. The number on the die was. The number on the die was high enough. You only needed a 12.

[Cal]

All right, we'll take it.

[Phil Taylor]

You get down on your knees and you notice. I mean it's. You can't mistake it for anything else. Snort's tracks are right. Right down this trail.

[Reva Hanson]

We're gonna have to follow it.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, I think we better go investigate.

[Reva Hanson]

We gotta go get snoring.

[Spencer Newharth]

We should probably be strategic about who goes first though, based on the weapons here.

[Cal]

No, I'm just saying this is a serious situation because this is abnormal behavior.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, for that dog.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah. Okay. Maybe Cal first. No matter what. Then.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. Dog Call that a marching order? Spencer, you're on it. I appreciate it. Cal's in front. Y' all head in the single file line. Oh. Towards progress down the trail. I mean, you've never seen anything like this before. No, it's just an expanse of insane fungal growths and mushrooms that some look familiar like a fly agaric or some sort of morel looking thing. But others that look completely alien with tendrils growing off of them that kind of are drifting in a completely breezeless and sort of. There's no air movement in this space whatsoever.

[Spencer Newharth]

What's the Netflix show you like, Phil? The. That has the upside down in it. What's that called?

[Phil Taylor]

Stranger Things.

[Spencer Newharth]

Stranger Things. Yeah. It feels like that a little. It kind of looks like that.

[Phil Taylor]

It's not too dissimilar.

[Brody Henderson]

Or the last of us. Do we got to worry about mushrooms affecting us?

[Phil Taylor]

I don't know. We'll have to find out. You know, even though there's not a lot of sound in here, occasionally when they get close enough, you hear this. You can only see just silhouettes of some animal you've never seen before. Looks something like a bat with just but a wingspan of about 7 or 8ft and a long tail like a fox.

[Brody Henderson]

Sounds dangerous.

[Phil Taylor]

Some of the fungal vines that are growing on these trees recoil as you walk past, as if they can sense that you're there and don't want any part of you. But after about 20 minutes of following the trail, you hear a distant sound of rolling water. And several minutes later you arrive at a cliff's edge. And the trail ends here. But you can tell it didn't used to because you can spot the remains of a rope bridge hanging directly under you. And you can see posts at the other side of this canyon. It's on the other side of this cliff. As if the rope bridge was attached there. And was severed and fell towards your side of the canyon. You also notice the source of the running water. There's a relatively fast moving river that's running through the canyon and curves with the canyon in the direction of the trail across the canyon. And you also notice an overturned skiff down on the shore of this river in the canyon. And there's an embankment about 30, 40ft off to the side size. If you wanted to get down there, you could. However, before you decide what to do about this impasse, it would be nearly impossible to miss the desecrated and mangled dead body about 10ft to your left.

[Cal]

Oh, I'm gonna be honest with you, kids. I don't think this is about the fish fillets at this point.

[Seth Morris]

I was just gonna say, are we.

[Phil Taylor]

Still looking for the fish for the fish?

[Spencer Newharth]

We're looking for snort. Yeah.

[Seth Morris]

And who's dead?

[Cal]

Well, keep in mind, too, if I'm leaving the pack and we just walk for 20 minutes, we're more than a mile undergr. Seth and Brody, you guys are good skiff folks. We crossing this thing or what?

[Phil Taylor]

How many people we got?

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, we should look at that dead body.

[Podcast Announcer]

Are they too dead for healing Word at this point or.

[Phil Taylor]

They're. They're dead. Dead.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, yeah. I can smell.

[Phil Taylor]

Shelby, do you want to get closer and look?

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, I'll get up there and, like, give him a little nudge with the guitar. I don't care about.

[Phil Taylor]

Go ahead and make an investigation check. And if anyone would like to help her, they can.

[Podcast Announcer]

I would love some help.

[Phil Taylor]

Then they can also roll 1907 on a 19.

[Podcast Announcer]

That's much better.

[Phil Taylor]

I'm not even gonna have you add your modifier there, because that is plenty on a 19. You notice that he is almost chewed apart completely. All the fat and muscle from every single limb is just. I mean, it's just ripped. Ripped off of his body. He's been probably dead for about two to three weeks, you'd guess. No, but even with his muscle mostly missing, you still see a very large claw scratch across his back. Deep. I mean, just, like, probably went through bone as well. Like that. Powerful.

[Podcast Announcer]

Guys. What could have done this? That's a pretty crazy gash.

[Spencer Newharth]

Maybe that creature that was flying around before. Or maybe the intimidate or the fake snort we saw. Either way, I don't think we should hang around, though.

[Phil Taylor]

Some things you do find, though, he's got a pack on him, or at least he used to. And in that pack is a letter. Shelby, do you want to take that and Read it out loud, please.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yes, I found something addressed to X. The Mortgoth portal is compromised. The denizens of the material plane must not discover this truth. Defend the causeway with whatever magic you have at your disposal. I've been told you have a way with fauna and flora. Do not disappoint me again. W. Ooh.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

X and W. Sort of mysterious missive. And also with Seth, that incredibly high investigation check that you helped Shelby with. You also find two potions of healing. If you would like to take any of these, you can spread them out as you would like to. You find a potion of invulnerability, which makes you take half damage from anything for one minute. So now doesn't seem the time to use this.

[Cal]

All right.

[Phil Taylor]

And you pass the check high enough to notice that there is a kind of nook in the stump of the tree that this man died near, as if he was trying to hide something. You see just like a little piece of parchment kind of sticking out. And you pull out a scroll, and it's just got. It's got magic runes written all over it. I mean, if you were still up in Bozeman, you would not be able to read this. But something about the air, sort of like Leyline magic, that seems to be emanating in this space, gives you the ability to read this script. And this is a magic scroll of Remove curse. Remove curse. And you also find this cloak of billowing Seth. You can read that and tell me. And anybody who wants it can have it.

[Seth Morris]

While wearing this cloak, you can use a bonus action to make it billow dramatically.

[Phil Taylor]

Wow.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Brody Henderson]

You better hold on to that one.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay.

[Cal]

All right.

[Phil Taylor]

I mean, you've picked this area clean. So now you stand at the the edge of this cliff, a river beneath you, a boat on the shore, and a broken rope bridge ahead of you.

[Cal]

Revo, what do you think?

[Phil Taylor]

Ooh.

[Reva Hanson]

I was thinking we hook up a rope here.

[Brody Henderson]

That's what I was thinking, too.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow.

[Brody Henderson]

We could split up, send three across the rope and three down to the boat.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, that's a good idea. Very good idea.

[Cal]

Wow. It's a little more complicated than.

[Phil Taylor]

But yeah, it's your guys call. What do you want to do?

[Brody Henderson]

It'll work for sure.

[Cal]

Okay, let's do it.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, so who's. Who's going to be firing? I mean, you've got the bow, I guess.

[Cal]

Yeah. I will shoot an arrow across the chasm.

[Phil Taylor]

You're going to attach a rope to the arrow and shoot it across the chasm? Yes.

[Cal]

Great.

[Phil Taylor]

I want you to give me something.

[Cal]

I've got much practice with.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. I would like you to give me just a straight dexterity check. So you're going to roll the 20 sided die and add just the big dexterity number. That is not. That's above all the other ones. Okay.

[Cal]

That's 12 and I get a plus two. So.

[Phil Taylor]

14. You only needed a 12.

[Reva Hanson]

Nice.

[Phil Taylor]

Nice. It hits kind of the post that was holding up the rope ridge before.

[Podcast Announcer]

Perfect.

[Phil Taylor]

Seems pretty sturdy.

[Cal]

So who's going first?

[Brody Henderson]

I'll climb across. I'll use it for a zip line.

[Phil Taylor]

You tie the end of the rope to like a. Just kind of a. The stuff. Firm looking. Yeah. Where the dead body is. It seems like a pretty taut line. Who's crossing?

[Spencer Newharth]

I'll go Brody first.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. I'm not even gonna make you roll, Brody. It's. It's not that tough. You hold on with both hands, you work your way across and you make it to the other side. Are you guys all gonna follow this way?

[Spencer Newharth]

He made that look easy.

[Brody Henderson]

Someone's gotta run the boat. Seth, you think?

[Phil Taylor]

You know, we could always.

[Podcast Announcer]

What kind of boat is it down to the boat?

[Phil Taylor]

It's kind of a beat up looking skiff.

[Podcast Announcer]

We could always go down to the boat afterwards. I think maybe we should stick together. At least until we know what we're facing here. Yeah, I think we should. You know, we could. But also, I think I might be the only healer in the adventuring party. So maybe I'll just stick with everybody. Maybe just.

[Cal]

All right. Yeah, let's go across the row.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. Everyone takes turns crossing the row.

[Cal]

Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

Good job, guys. You make it over safely?

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, that was easy.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, I gave you. You guys took the less obvious path. And you guys are rewarded hands.

[Brody Henderson]

I was just worried that, you know, Snort wouldn't have gone across that. So she might have gone down by the boat.

[Cal]

No, she's a swimming son of a gun.

[Spencer Newharth]

But she's also a good jumper though. She could have cleared that thing, no problem. Especially in this upside down world we're in.

[Phil Taylor]

You make your way down the trail now that you're reconnected to it and you see a large growth of these glowing mushrooms ahead of you in a massive clearing ahead. And atop them like a throne, is a massive black humanoid looking house cat. Oh, it's picking its teeth the claw of one paw. And in its other paw it's holding a wriggling ball of leech like slugs all knotted together, kind of pulsing in this weird lavender color. Yep.

[Seth Morris]

Typical day for Seth with these black house cats.

[Phil Taylor]

Right. The next thing you see is Snort sitting at the foot of this throne with just a vacant, empty look in her eyes.

[Brody Henderson]

You gonna put an arrow between that thing's eyes?

[Seth Morris]

I think we get Spencer with the rifle to dispatch that cat.

[Spencer Newharth]

Well, it kind of looks like Seth's cat. I don't want to shoot Seth's cat. He loves that thing so much.

[Podcast Announcer]

Does it know we're in there yet? Have we, like, revealed ourselves? Has it found us?

[Phil Taylor]

It's interesting you say that because as soon as you enter the clearing, cat makes eye contact with you.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, was it you who turned on the lights? I was trying to have a little rest. And apparently that's not going to happen today. Come on, let's get this over with. Come in, Come in.

[Podcast Announcer]

All right, we all file in. Or at least I do. I listen to cat.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, this is a safe sounding cat. I don't think we need to kill it quite yet.

[Cal]

I'd put a round in the chambers.

[Seth Morris]

Spencer's going first.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, my finger is on the safe, but I haven't taken it off safe yet. I'm comfortable with this, Cat.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, well, I knew when the beast referring to Snort returned all panicked, I knew that something was amiss. So I was just waiting for this moment. Let me explain. I was minding my own business up there where you all, we all live, when a dreadfully ugly man in a cloak stole me away into the freezer, brought me down here and said some gobbledygook and cursed me and turned me into this abomination and said that in exchange for supplying me with food down here, that I would guard this trail and kill anything that tried to pass. And he gave me the command, gave me this. This thing holds a little ball of leeches in his hand to command all of the freaky little dudes down here. And after, you know, several days of him bringing me rotten fish, you know, birds with sharp wings and dry mushrooms, I decided that, you know, little ugly man in the cloak looked rather tasty himself.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh.

[Phil Taylor]

So, you know, it turns out that despite his poor taste in midday snacks, he was the only thing keeping me from starving, you know, I decided to create a new servant for myself after I, you know. Is he still there?

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Did you kill X or. What was his name?

[Phil Taylor]

Xanatoy? I don't know. He didn't tell me. I only heard from others. Sure.

[Podcast Announcer]

Does this look familiar to you, Mr. Catman?

[Phil Taylor]

The dead guy? I killed him and then I ate him and his face, of course.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Reva Hanson]

Starting with his nose.

[Seth Morris]

That's what cats do.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, well, you know, it turns out he was quite useful to me, but I had to eat something.

[Podcast Announcer]

You seen any fresh fish lately, Catman?

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, funny you should say that. Normally, this little ball allows me to communicate with the things in this area. I've tried to reach out to, you know, humans like you above, and it's never worked. But a couple of days ago, I was able to connect with this thing, pointing to Snort. According to the Skinny wizard, that wasn't supposed to be possible. But this life form that I connected with had somehow been marked by a creature of this realm. And he points to you, and turns out that whatever scarred your pup was much more than just a simple snake. I don't know how all this works. I'm kind of new to this whole thing. I've only been here for a few weeks. But now he's my servant. I'm sorry. She. She is my servant, and I'm not giving her back. And you can't make.

[Spencer Newharth]

Mm.

[Phil Taylor]

That fish was delicious, by the way. And from this perspective, you all look quite like mice. So what do you say we cut to the chase? She hisses.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow.

[Phil Taylor]

Runs up a tree. And that's where we're going to do a quick transition. During that quick break, we had everyone roll the die to see where they would go in the Initiative order of combat here. First to go is Brody Henderson. Brody, you've got a giant axe. You may move 30ft. Each one of these squares represents 5ft.

[Spencer Newharth]

Where am I?

[Phil Taylor]

Right here. Oh, sitting down. 30ft forward.

[Cal]

5, 10.

[Phil Taylor]

15.

[Cal]

20.

[Phil Taylor]

25, 30. How's that?

[Reva Hanson]

Uh, oh, looking strong.

[Phil Taylor]

Good start, good start. We're sprinting towards each other. Maybe I should have put you guys closer together. Oh, well, you'll learn, and you do better next time. The cat's turn is next. He is going to hiss at you once again and then run up this tree here. Oh, wow. He's not gonna do anything. Let's pretend he's on the tree.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay? He's on the tree.

[Phil Taylor]

He's gonna be watching you. He's treed. Yes. The cat sign is treed. And he is actually going to take an action right now.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay?

[Phil Taylor]

He's going to try to hide from you, which is something you can do as well.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow.

[Phil Taylor]

He succeeds. So as far as you know, he went behind that tree and disappeared. You can tell on the battlefield. Right before he ran into the tree, he squeezed his little leech ball and these mushrooms kind of sprouted out of the ground and came to life. Snort is also seemingly your antagonist currently, but you can see kind of a lavender glow in her eyes. The same one emanating from that ball of leeches in the cat's hand.

[Cal]

Got to get that ball of leech.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yes, well, and what did we do with that dispel curse scroll? Is Sprout cursed or a snort curse?

[Phil Taylor]

No, hold on to it and maybe try to use it later if you want to.

[Podcast Announcer]

Oh, okay.

[Phil Taylor]

Or not. It's up to you. Coming up next is Spencer. You're up.

[Spencer Newharth]

I want to run closer to the cat while also trying to stay behind.

[Podcast Announcer]

You don't know where the cat is?

[Cal]

Disappeared behind the tree.

[Spencer Newharth]

Towards the tree. We want to go towards that tree.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay, so you are here. You want to move as close as you can.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, but I want to stay behind that tree too. So like, whoops. Yeah, there we go.

[Podcast Announcer]

Take out who's causing havoc.

[Phil Taylor]

This is just for scale and perspective. You guys aren't actually sleeping or dead. You're standing. And you look proud and brave.

[Cal]

Yes.

[Phil Taylor]

Spencer, you have a long range hunting rifle, which means that, like on unlike Brody, you can attack things from a distance.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay. I would like to take aim at that ball of leeches that has control of Snort.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay. First, because the cat is hiding, I need you to make a perception check to see if you can find the cat. If you do not roll above a 17, you do not find the cat. 20. Holy crap. You see the cat? Yeah. He thinks he's being sneaky, but he's not. Okay, you're better than he is. I will tell you right now, the cat's armor class, which is the number you have to hit with your die to hit the cat, is a 12. Pretty low because you're trying to shoot a specific part of its body. I'm going to add three to that, so you need to hit a 15. If you look at your yellow box, you're going to roll your D20. And there is a number next to that that you add to it plus.

[Spencer Newharth]

Four, and it's a one.

[Phil Taylor]

So five and a nat one means you miss no matter what.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, bad shot.

[Phil Taylor]

You whiff. All right, next up is the one of the mushrooms here. This mushroom is gonna. You can't move very fast, so he's only going here.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

Seth, you're up.

[Seth Morris]

So what do I do?

[Phil Taylor]

You can move and you can attack. And if you want to do anything else, just ask me about it. I'll tell you if you can or.

[Podcast Announcer]

Can'T those mushrooms look pretty, pretty dangerous?

[Seth Morris]

I. Yeah, I guess I just moved to him.

[Phil Taylor]

Eh. Sounds like a plan.

[Spencer Newharth]

What's your weapons?

[Seth Morris]

I don't think there's.

[Phil Taylor]

I don't think now's the time to do anything else. I do have some. I think I put a little dagger in here. But we'll just keep moving and get probably about this close.

[Cal]

All right.

[Reva Hanson]

Oh that's getting pretty close to that skin.

[Spencer Newharth]

And knives. You think you can throw those or no or you don't.

[Phil Taylor]

You can but you can't. They don't come back to you.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

So I mean but if you're casting you can go pull. You know you can go recover it.

[Seth Morris]

Okay. So now what do I do?

[Phil Taylor]

I'm just there. Your turn's basically over.

[Seth Morris]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

That's all you can do right now. Cool. Now it's the big old bosses. Not the cat but that mushroom with the sprout out of its head. That is the leader of the mushroom pack.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

He is going to run towards Seth.

[Reva Hanson]

Uh oh.

[Phil Taylor]

But I don't know if he can get close enough. Nope. He's just going to hang out there.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

So now it is Cal. Your turn.

[Cal]

Can I shoot that mushroom?

[Phil Taylor]

You absolutely can. Which one are you going to aim for here?

[Cal]

The one next to closest to Seth.

[Phil Taylor]

One closest to Seth. Yeah. Have at it. You need to go ahead and roll that. The, the big one. The 20 sided die there. The. The red and blue one. Yep. And you are going to add a six to this roll.

[Cal]

Come on.

[Podcast Announcer]

Here we go.

[Phil Taylor]

14. That's a 20. Done. Now you're gonna take that other pointy die you have there. That is a D8. It has eight sides on it. That is your damage die. You're gonna roll that and add a two.

[Cal]

You just say D8.

[Phil Taylor]

D8.

[Cal]

Catching on pretty quick.

[Phil Taylor]

One one plus two plus two. You do three damage.

[Cal]

Black.

[Podcast Announcer]

There you go.

[Phil Taylor]

He takes the hit.

[Cal]

Darn it.

[Spencer Newharth]

Do we know how much health he has?

[Phil Taylor]

No you do not.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Cal]

Coming up next is gave him something to think about.

[Spencer Newharth]

That's right.

[Brody Henderson]

Yep.

[Phil Taylor]

Coming up next is this little dude Taste. He's going to charge towards Seth.

[Reva Hanson]

Oh no.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh God.

[Seth Morris]

I should have went a different route.

[Phil Taylor]

And make an attack against Seth. That is a 14. Seth. Oh. This is your armor class up here. You have a 13 which means this little guy hits you. But wouldn't you know these little mushrooms aren't that strong. Deals one damage. Here are your hit points. You currently have 17. Yep. Go ahead and erase that right at 16 for me.

[Spencer Newharth]

You just, like, stubbed your toe.

[Cal]

That needs a pencil.

[Seth Morris]

I don't have any eraser.

[Phil Taylor]

I brought pencils. Pass them down.

[Seth Morris]

So I got a 16.

[Phil Taylor]

You got. Yep. You lost one. Hit point 17 goes down to 16. Shelby, you're up.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, just in case, I'm gonna try to get, like, hide behind the tree that's closest to big bad mushroom. Or I get as close as I can. Is that my whole turn, or can I, like, ready?

[Phil Taylor]

This is as far as you can go.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

If you want to hide, you can hide behind this.

[Podcast Announcer]

I'll hide behind that guy.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, you're getting covered behind that tree.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay.

[Cal]

Oh, what about. What about what happened to Reva?

[Podcast Announcer]

She's last.

[Cal]

Oh, she's last.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, sorry.

[Cal]

Yeah, there you go.

[Podcast Announcer]

And then she's smelling Dunzo.

[Phil Taylor]

No, you can cast a spell.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

You can actually take the hide action to hide more effectively behind that tree.

[Podcast Announcer]

I could. I ready a spell instead, just in case.

[Phil Taylor]

Seth, you absolutely can. What spell would you like to ready? Holy cow. Shelby, using the lingo here, look at me.

[Podcast Announcer]

I would like to ready healing. Word.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. And use it on Seth.

[Podcast Announcer]

On Seth. If he gets.

[Phil Taylor]

If he gets hit again.

[Podcast Announcer]

If he gets messed up.

[Cal]

Thanks.

[Phil Taylor]

Remember that? Remind me. Awesome.

[Spencer Newharth]

I'll just put Seth out of his misery if this doesn't work. I've got the rifle.

[Phil Taylor]

Great. You guys have a plan. It's this little guy's turn. He only gets, I think, about far. Can't quite reach. Seth just kind of rolls around there. Looks. Looks very pitiful doing it.

[Cal]

All right.

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[Phil Taylor]

Riva, you're up.

[Reva Hanson]

What do I do? Roll.

[Phil Taylor]

You can. No, you can move 30ft, six squares or you. And then, you know, you're kind of far away. If I were to do this again, folks, I would have put the players closer to the combatants. So, yeah, I'll just have you move up.

[Reva Hanson]

Okay, Perfect.

[Phil Taylor]

Nice. All right, we go back to the top of initiative. Brody, that's you.

[Brody Henderson]

Oh, I'm gonna run up and chop up that mushroom that Cal put an arrow in.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Seth Morris]

We look like we're getting our butts handed.

[Phil Taylor]

Just a big hole. There's a little.

[Cal]

Little disarray.

[Phil Taylor]

Brody, go ahead and roll that 20 sided die for me.

[Brody Henderson]

13.

[Phil Taylor]

13, you think you add a 4, that's a 17 you absolutely hit. Now you're gonna roll that deep. The 12 sided die there. The one with the pentagon face. And you're gonna add a 2 to this.

[Brody Henderson]

12 plus 2.

[Phil Taylor]

Nice. Holy cow. 14 damage.

[Brody Henderson]

Is that a dead mushroom?

[Phil Taylor]

Not quite. He's looking. He's looking rough now. All right, it is now the cat's turn.

[Cal]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Phil Taylor]

The cat is going to come out of hiding. Even though it was spotted. Spotted by Spencer. It can long jump 25ft. And then it's going to come around the side here, face to face Spencer, and it's going to take an attack.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh.

[Phil Taylor]

That is an 18, Spencer. I believe that hits you.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, it does.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, wow. My armor class is a 15.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, that deals seven damage to you.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, so seven off of the 15 or seven off of my hit points.

[Phil Taylor]

Your hit points.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, so 15 off of that, you said?

[Phil Taylor]

Yep.

[Spencer Newharth]

Got it. I have.

[Podcast Announcer]

No, not 15.

[Phil Taylor]

Seven. Yeah, seven off of your hit points. Your current hit points.

[Spencer Newharth]

Got it. So then I'm at 17.

[Phil Taylor]

Yes.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Brody Henderson]

Flesh wound. Spencer.

[Phil Taylor]

Spencer, it's your turn.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, I need to wheel around and aim at this cat who now like, has me in a hue glass grizzly bear situation. It's like on top of me, and I'm gonna take aim at it.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay. I will say you have to get proper aim with your rifle. You need to get some distance on this cat. Otherwise you're gonna be rolling with disadvantage, which means you roll twice and take the lower number. If you move out of its attack, it may try to swipe at you, though.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, can I move to the other side of the tree that we're around? Is that good enough or not?

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, you can do that.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay.

[Phil Taylor]

I will say the cat. Cat will still take. I mean, you're still moving out of his attack range, so he's gonna attack you.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, I. You know what? You've convinced me, Phil. I'm gonna move further then. I. I need to get away from this cat. Move me. I'm gonna do all 30. I'm just gonna get away. I'm gonna get over in this scrum. I want to be by these guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Okay. We now have three of our fighters among all of the mushroom.

[Phil Taylor]

All taking a nap. The cat's gonna.

[Cal]

Seth.

[Phil Taylor]

I think he misses when he. When you move out of the.

[Cal]

Oh, there you go. I think you got to kill that big mushroom, Seth.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. Oh, but Spencer, you can still take your action. So you can shoot. You can shoot at the cat now if you'd like. I'm.

[Spencer Newharth]

I'm going to finish off that big mushroom.

[Cal]

There you go.

[Spencer Newharth]

How about. Let's do that.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay.

[Cal]

See what happens here.

[Phil Taylor]

Go ahead and take. Take the shot.

[Spencer Newharth]

Roll the D20.

[Phil Taylor]

Yep.

[Spencer Newharth]

D20. D20.

[Phil Taylor]

A1.4.

[Spencer Newharth]

Spencer, who gave me this rifle.

[Phil Taylor]

Now it's gonna be this other big.

[Spencer Newharth]

That was so bad, maybe I hit someone in our party.

[Phil Taylor]

I'm not gonna be that first time playing D and D here. This mushroom runs over to. I'm gonna say runs over to Brody because that big ax is freaking him out. And he misses. Whoa. So now it is Seth's turn.

[Seth Morris]

So what's going on with these mushrooms now?

[Cal]

One.

[Phil Taylor]

They're just pretend. All of your guys look totally badass standing up, and the mushrooms are coming at you.

[Seth Morris]

All right, so what's the mushroom that's hurt the most?

[Phil Taylor]

The one with the stem?

[Seth Morris]

Yeah.

[Brody Henderson]

He's the leader of the mushroom.

[Phil Taylor]

Can I stab? You can absolutely stab. You can actually stab it twice because you are using.

[Spencer Newharth]

Seth is gonna julienne the mushrooms.

[Seth Morris]

I want to cut them right. Right at the base.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, go ahead and roll. Roll that D20. The big one. You've been rolling 20. Yeah, 20. That's a critical hit, which means you double the amount of dice you roll. So which, but for a knife, isn't a lot of dice, but you can attack twice. So you're gonna roll this really quick.

[Cal]

Here, which is a D4.

[Phil Taylor]

D4. Yeah, that's right.

[Spencer Newharth]

So this is his damage he's doing.

[Phil Taylor]

This is his damage he is doing. And he gets to double it. Only a one, that's a two plus two, that's four damage. And then you can attack again with the D20, the big one. Roll that again. 19 hits. Roll the D4 again. And we're not going to add anything to this one. That's a two. That's two more damage. Okay, so that is six damage. He is dead. Yet if he takes one more good hit, he will be toast.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, speaking of toast, we should cook them though. Once we kill one of these.

[Phil Taylor]

Absolutely.

[Spencer Newharth]

Maybe we can get some mushroom powers. Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. So now it is the almost dead mushroom's turn. He is kind of freaked out. I think he's going to try to run away from you guys. He is surrounded on all sides. And so, Seth, you can take an opportunity attack as he moves away from you. If you hit him, you could potentially kill him if you roll a 4. So roll the D20 first. See if you hit him. 6. I do not believe. You do. Nope. You miss. But he's still just. The mushroom's gonna run away as far as possible. Cal, it's your turn.

[Cal]

Can I shoot that mushroom?

[Phil Taylor]

Absolutely. Roll the D20.

[Cal]

Shit. Fire. Seven.

[Phil Taylor]

Seven. You still add six to that roll because you've got a totally. Or no, no, you. You've got the bow. Oh, wait. Yeah, you got the bow. You had a six, so that. That hits. So you're gonna roll that D8 and add two to it. You know, let's see.

[Cal]

Four, six total.

[Phil Taylor]

He had 6 hp left. Vapor goes through the cap on his head and he falls. Limplus to me.

[Spencer Newharth]

Can we cook that thing?

[Cal]

We got one.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, we'll put it in the cooler.

[Brody Henderson]

So his minions don't. When the leader dies, his minions don't die.

[Spencer Newharth]

Apparently not, no.

[Phil Taylor]

But you are aware that they. The cat is holding a weird looking ball of goop in its hands. That may have something to do with.

[Cal]

I know, but I felt like we needed to follow through on what we started.

[Phil Taylor]

Honestly, that was smart because that mushroom could have really messed you guys up.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, good.

[Cal]

There we go. All right.

[Phil Taylor]

It is now the sad little mushroom's turn.

[Podcast Announcer]

What's snort up to.

[Phil Taylor]

She's been chilling, seeing It's Dad. Yes. Nord is just kind of staring there.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, still in a trance. Diarrhea, mushroom just going everywhere.

[Phil Taylor]

It's dad.

[Cal]

Die.

[Phil Taylor]

And now is going to take revenge, but is going to come after Spencer because it is the closest target. Misses.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, good.

[Phil Taylor]

It is now Shelby's turn.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, I can't really attack with anything except spells, so could I do vicious mockery?

[Phil Taylor]

Yes, vicious mockery is a lot of fun. Basically, you just make fun of the enemy and make them feel bad about themselves.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah, we're gonna heat you up, you tasty little mushrooms. We're gonna fry you in a pan and gobble you down.

[Phil Taylor]

Which mushroom are you gonna attack?

[Podcast Announcer]

The one that's closest to me, I guess. The guy going after Brody.

[Phil Taylor]

The little one or the big one?

[Podcast Announcer]

The big one.

[Phil Taylor]

Great. He makes a saving throw. So, yeah, I believe that does not do anything.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, well, I just made fun of a mushroom for fun.

[Phil Taylor]

That's okay. He's still blushing, this little guy. Where's the other little guy? Here. He is going to attack Seth because he's right there. Why not? And Seth misses Seth again. These guys are not rolling. Great. Riva, it's your turn.

[Cal]

Riva, go chop that kitty's paw.

[Brody Henderson]

Yeah. Someone's gotta engage the Big Bad.

[Reva Hanson]

You think it's the machete's job?

[Cal]

Yeah, exactly.

[Reva Hanson]

I was thinking the mushroom sounded good for the machete.

[Spencer Newharth]

Cal's trying to sacrifice you.

[Cal]

No, I can give you. Can I give you, Reva, a potion of invulnerability?

[Phil Taylor]

Absolutely. You can. You can drink that as a bonus action, Riva, so you can still do your whole turn if you'd like to. That means you take half damage for the rest of the fight, but you.

[Cal]

Have to go kill that cat.

[Spencer Newharth]

That's the deal, cow man.

[Reva Hanson]

Okay, let's go for it.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. Reva drinks the potion. She's feeling her skin quadruples in thickness. It's really weird. She looks swollen. And then she charges the cat. Reva, go ahead and roll that D 2020 for me. You're adding a four to this roll?

[Reva Hanson]

Eight plus four is 1212.

[Phil Taylor]

And you're attacking the lion. Are you going for the paw or the lion or the cat in general?

[Seth Morris]

Go for the throat.

[Cal]

Get the paw.

[Reva Hanson]

Let's go for the paw.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay. You do miss. Oh, dang. Sorry, Revo.

[Cal]

That's all right.

[Phil Taylor]

Brody, you're up.

[Brody Henderson]

I can't move far enough to run over there and attack that cat, can I?

[Phil Taylor]

Where are you it's right here.

[Seth Morris]

He's just sitting over there.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, yeah, he's got it.

[Brody Henderson]

All right, I'm gonna.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, you've got it.

[Brody Henderson]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna.

[Spencer Newharth]

The cat's broadside to him.

[Podcast Announcer]

Rock.

[Phil Taylor]

There you are. Go ahead and roll that D20, Brody. 19. Oh, that absolutely hits. You're gonna roll that D12. You're gonna add two to this roll. And, Brody, I will say that something about the magic in the air and watching snort just kind of skinny and lifeless on the other side of the cavern gives you a sense of rage you haven't felt in a long time. You may add two to this damage roll.

[Brody Henderson]

Awesome. Six.

[Phil Taylor]

Six plus two. Or is that with the plus two?

[Brody Henderson]

No, it's six total.

[Phil Taylor]

So six plus two. But I'm gonna. You get to add another four. Plus two plus another two. So that's eight. Don't worry about it. I'm doing the math. The. The. The cat takes eight damage. Okay, Nice. All right, it is now the cat's turn. He was not very happy about this. Brody, he's going to swipe at you twice. Okay, I can handle it. Misses the first one. Oh, good. Second one hits.

[Reva Hanson]

Oh.

[Phil Taylor]

Where'S my D8? All right. Deals six points of damage to Brody. And go ahead and take away six points from your hit. Points.

[Spencer Newharth]

That was the cat's turn.

[Phil Taylor]

That was the cat's turn. Spencer, you're up.

[Podcast Announcer]

What are you at, Brody?

[Brody Henderson]

21.

[Podcast Announcer]

Oh, dang.

[Spencer Newharth]

These mushrooms are lined up nice. I'm gonna try to shoot both of them. I could. With one shot, I could. I think I could get both mushrooms.

[Phil Taylor]

You absolutely can.

[Spencer Newharth]

Shot.

[Phil Taylor]

You want to see. You want to move around? Oh, you mean this one?

[Spencer Newharth]

Yeah, those two. I want to shoot both of. I mean, if I could probably move back here and go for a three fur.

[Brody Henderson]

Yeah, make that John Spencer.

[Phil Taylor]

I'm going to allow it. Yeah, yeah, I'm allowing it.

[Spencer Newharth]

All three mushrooms. It's like imagine three Canadian geese, you know, like a couple turkeys.

[Podcast Announcer]

Roll with advantage. Because he's the. The Sigma champ, too. Phil, maybe we're getting squirrely here.

[Phil Taylor]

Don't get greedy.

[Cal]

Backs up, backs up. Lures him into a line.

[Phil Taylor]

I will say this is a very important role, though. But, Spencer, I will say same thing with Brody. Something about what's going on in this cabin right now. You mark these prey, I would say one of them you can add. You can roll a D6 to add to the damage roll. But first, let's see if you hit.

[Podcast Announcer]

You got a roll.

[Spencer Newharth]

So roll the D20. The D20 is a 12 plus 4. 16.

[Phil Taylor]

You hit every single one with a single bullet. What's the damage die on there?

[Spencer Newharth]

Spencer, I'm sorry.

[Phil Taylor]

For the. For the rifle.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, it's plus four.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, yeah. No, you hit. I mean the damage. So you're going to roll a D10 because I don't think you've hit anything yet. It's your first time. You're going to add a D10. You're going to add a 2 to this 6.

[Spencer Newharth]

36.

[Phil Taylor]

And then you're going to add the normal die. The D6. 612 damage. These little guys vaporized.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, two of the three mushrooms have just died on the battlefield.

[Phil Taylor]

The other one is looking rough. Okay, Cal, you're up.

[Spencer Newharth]

Wounded.

[Cal]

I'm gonna shoot that cat in the eyeball.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, Great. Go ahead and roll the big guy. The big guy.

[Cal]

Oh, four.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. That's not gonna hit.

[Spencer Newharth]

Brody.

[Phil Taylor]

I hit other dinosaurs.

[Cal]

Damn it.

[Phil Taylor]

This guy dead. This guy totally dead. Shelby, it's your turn.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, we're getting down. I'm gonna try vicious mockery again on this. This medium sized mushroom. My husband just vaporized your buddies, and now we're gonna eat you.

[Phil Taylor]

Great. He hates it.

[Reva Hanson]

He hates it.

[Phil Taylor]

Unfortunately, he saves. Sorry, Shelby.

[Spencer Newharth]

This is a good mushroom.

[Phil Taylor]

Riva, you're up.

[Reva Hanson]

Okay, let's go after the cat again.

[Phil Taylor]

Do it. Roll the big die.

[Reva Hanson]

Seven.

[Phil Taylor]

Seven. You add a four to that, I believe. Yeah. So you do not hit, but something you feel like you might be able to swing again. Riva. It's called an action surge.

[Spencer Newharth]

All right.

[Cal]

19.

[Phil Taylor]

19, 19. That absolutely hits. So you're gonna roll the damage. Die. You're gonna roll a D6 and you're going to add two to this.

[Podcast Announcer]

The red one. The red one.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. That's three damage. The cat is looking rough.

[Cal]

All right.

[Phil Taylor]

Hey, little mangy Brody, you're up.

[Brody Henderson]

Is he still holding those slugs?

[Phil Taylor]

Absolutely. Yes.

[Brody Henderson]

I want to chop the hand off. That's holding.

[Phil Taylor]

All right, I will say you need to hit a 15 to chop the hand off.

[Brody Henderson]

Okay, I can do it.

[Podcast Announcer]

Let's go.

[Brody Henderson]

Oh, I missed.

[Phil Taylor]

Yep. It's not gonna do it. Who is up next? It is the cat's turn. Brody, he doesn't like you. He's gonna swing at you again. That misses. That hits. You take four damage.

[Seth Morris]

I'm still good.

[Podcast Announcer]

Hey, Brody's tough.

[Brody Henderson]

This is how fights go.

[Phil Taylor]

Spencer.

[Spencer Newharth]

My turn. Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna turn from where I'm standing and fire at the cat with my 308.

[Brody Henderson]

Don't hit me. Spencer, you haven't been hit much lately.

[Spencer Newharth]

16.

[Phil Taylor]

That hits plus 4. So that's 30. 20. Then roll your damage. Die. Which is the 8 or the 10? That's a 10. Yeah. One. Dang, you guys are really. But then you add chipping away.

[Podcast Announcer]

He has two.

[Phil Taylor]

Yes. And you know what? I will let you move your hunter's mark to the cat so you can add a D6 to this as well.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, so I'm rolling a regular dice. A five.

[Podcast Announcer]

There you go.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah. So what's the total there?

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, six total.

[Podcast Announcer]

No, no, no, no. Plus two. Eight.

[Cal]

Cool.

[Phil Taylor]

This cat is bleeding and looking horrible.

[Spencer Newharth]

Mmm. Been shot in the liver.

[Phil Taylor]

He's sick.

[Spencer Newharth]

Yes.

[Phil Taylor]

Who is up next? It is this mushroom's turn, who's not looking great, but is going to come after Seth and is going to try to stun you. Seth, I need you to make a roll this, the D20. You're going to add a number to it. Go ahead and roll it. First. You don't even need to add the number. You succeed, you try to. You see a puff of spores come out of the mushroom, and you hold your breath and turn your head and you do not inhale.

[Cal]

Maybe it's time to blow your cloak dramatically.

[Seth Morris]

What's that do?

[Phil Taylor]

You'll have to. You want to use your bonus action and do it.

[Brody Henderson]

You got it.

[Cal]

You might as well do it. Yeah, sure.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay. You throw on the cloak, and seemingly from out of nowhere, a magical gust of wind flow rolls behind you, whips the coat, makes a cracking noise, and this mushroom falls down prone. Okay.

[Cal]

Yeah.

[Spencer Newharth]

Knocked him out.

[Cal]

Number one stunner.

[Phil Taylor]

It's not dead, it's just lying down. Which means whoever attacks it next gets advantage with a melee weapon.

[Cal]

Nice.

[Phil Taylor]

The radio live sounds again. I apologize. I love it.

[Seth Morris]

That sound of that mushroom and just stress.

[Phil Taylor]

That's right. That's right. Cal, you're up.

[Cal]

Shooting the cat.

[Phil Taylor]

Shoot the cat. Cow, if you hit this cat is dead. I will let you know that right now.

[Cal]

3.

[Phil Taylor]

Unfortunately, the hand slam does not count.

[Brody Henderson]

You know, cow with them trad bows. The idea is to get close first. You might. You might have to get closer.

[Cal]

Oh, it's a big kitty, Shelby.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, well, I don't have a melee weapon, so I'm just gonna let someone else finish off that mushroom. And can I do dissonant whispers on the cat?

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Let's do it.

[Phil Taylor]

Do it. So let's see. I think this cat needs to make a wisdom saving throw. A saving throw is a roll of a die in which someone is something or someone is trying to protect itself. Save it. Throw a die to save yourself.

[Spencer Newharth]

Okay, 13.

[Phil Taylor]

It succeeds. Damn.

[Podcast Announcer]

Sorry, Shelby, I'm just.

[Phil Taylor]

These monsters are rolling pretty well when they're trying to defend against things.

[Cal]

Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

Riva, you're up.

[Cal]

Come on, Riva.

[Spencer Newharth]

One more hit on that cat Phil declared.

[Phil Taylor]

Okay.

[Reva Hanson]

Okay, let's go for it.

[Podcast Announcer]

Get him.

[Reva Hanson]

2.

[Phil Taylor]

Not gonna do it, Brody.

[Brody Henderson]

First off, I'm gonna suck down this potion of healing.

[Phil Taylor]

Do it. So.

[Brody Henderson]

So you need a. I need a four.

[Phil Taylor]

You roll two deep, roll that twice, and add a two to it, and that's how much health you get back.

[Cal]

That's four.

[Phil Taylor]

Nice. Plus two. It's a seven. You get seven health points back.

[Brody Henderson]

I'm right back where I started.

[Phil Taylor]

And that's only a bonus action, so if you'd like to come at this cat again, you may do so.

[Brody Henderson]

Oh, yeah, I'm going. I'm going to chop his hand off.

[Phil Taylor]

All right. Give me a D20 roll.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, bummer.

[Phil Taylor]

But you. But I think you get to add some stuff to that.

[Brody Henderson]

How do you tell if it's a 9 or a 6?

[Phil Taylor]

If the. If the period is the period. Shows you like the end of the sentence there. So if it's at the bottom nine.

[Brody Henderson]

Plus, what do I add?

[Phil Taylor]

Hit this with the axe. You add a 4, so that's a 13. Are you going for the hand or the body?

[Brody Henderson]

Let's just finish him off. That is anywhere I can hit him.

[Phil Taylor]

You raise your axe. And Brody described to me how you destroy this cat. Who has.

[Brody Henderson]

Vanquish is the term I prefer. Yeah.

[Phil Taylor]

Who took our. Our snort girl prisoner? Yep.

[Brody Henderson]

Is off with his head. Can we take his head off?

[Phil Taylor]

Definitely.

[Spencer Newharth]

Brody swung all right. He's bendy.

[Phil Taylor]

Capped at that. The ball of leeches rolls out of the paw. The mushrooms fall limp and lifeless, and snort seems to come back to attention. She hears the whistle, runs to you with a fervor you've only seen maybe once or twice on a good bird hunting day.

[Cal]

Or at dinner time.

[Phil Taylor]

Or at dinner time. Something else.

[Brody Henderson]

She's gotten crap on your comforter.

[Phil Taylor]

At the death of the cat. You hear a rumbling up above you. You see a bunch of morel looking fungi fall from the ceiling. Oh, boy. They're not that heavy. One even hits Shelby on the head and she barely feels it. But they all open. A crevice opens from their sort of body and just shrieks.

[Cal]

Whoa.

[Phil Taylor]

Probably 30 or 40 mushrooms screaming. Some sort of banshee whale. It is deafening. It Shakes the cavern, rocks start to collapse.

[Spencer Newharth]

Oh, no. We gotta get out of here.

[Phil Taylor]

What are you gonna do?

[Seth Morris]

Grab the leeches and head for the skiff?

[Brody Henderson]

Yep.

[Seth Morris]

We're going fishing.

[Phil Taylor]

Oh, the skiff is good tagline too. That's good. You all sprint down the trail. You get back to the rope that Cal shot across the canyon. You make your way across. The cavern is collapsing before you. And you get back and you see the hole that you came out of. You can't get back up. Snort with some residual magic she still has left in her barks. And the portal.

[Cal]

A portal appears right in front of her.

[Phil Taylor]

You guys are looking out the bottom of the meat Eater freezer at the ceiling. What do you do?

[Cal]

Can we flip the skiff over and see if the fish fillets are in there?

[Phil Taylor]

You run back to the skiff, flip it over. Oh my. There's a basket of redfish and drum and. Oh, it's incredible. You take it, you go back across, and then you jump through the portal. You all come pouring out back into the Meat Eater kitchen where Clay and.

[Cal]

Chester covered in ice cream.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, that's right. You covered in blood and weird fungal growths and Clay and Chester covered in ice cream. Look at you, completely bewildered. Clay turns to you and goes, what the. And then you all. It's insane. Clay explains that you jumped down there and came back only seconds later. Time must move more weird in that realm. And that describes why Snort might have a little more funky.

[Brody Henderson]

Steve, a text found your fish.

[Phil Taylor]

Perfect. At that moment, you hear kind of some quick footsteps coming down the hallway and you see Corinne and she's holding a kennel and she looks at you, panicked, and goes, has anyone seen my cat? And that's all for this episode of Meteor.

[Cal]

Thank you magically.

[Phil Taylor]

Grant apologies to Spencer, Clay and Chester and the entire Meat eater podcast network. Thank you for watching. Bye bye.

[Cal]

Wow.

[Phil Taylor]

Yeah, Spencer from South Dakota, he's the host. Using those smooth, mellow tones, he lays them questions down. And he likes taking those two and three year old bucks. And he's an avid amateur rock hound.

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[Podcast Announcer]

This is an I Heart podcast.