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So good, so good, so good.
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Hi, diva.
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It's Rachel and Jordan.
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Yeah, hi.
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Quick question. Why are you not spending your Venmo balance?
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Yeah, we're concerned you can, like, buy stuff with it.
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Ugh.
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You love buying stuff and earn cash
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back on eligible purchases. Mm.
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You love purchasing eligible things.
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So the money your friend sent you yesterday, that's today's ramen or rideshare or eye patches.
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The skincare kind, not the pyro kind.
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Spend with Venmo and you can earn cash back with Venmo stash. Venmo stash bundle terms and Exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo Me Terms, Idaho. Verification required to use a Venmo Bal.
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Father's Day is upon us. And so the producers have asked me to provide the definitive ranking of 10 random fathers. I wanted more for you, but there was no. There was no time even. I mean, I'm not even convinced it was rape. I mean, he killed. Kills a bunch of people. You know, he's always posting those, like, anime girls. He does chop his kid's arm off, right? So what if it's like I leave number one open and then you put Hitler or something? This is very important. Make sure you're taking notes of the comprehensive, consequential list of random dads. Take it away. Call me Daddy.
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Homer.
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Homer Simpson. Homer actually is a good father. Don't forget the first episode of the Simpsons ever made. The first full length episode is Santa's Little Helper, where he just does whatever he can to try to provide Christmas presents to his family. Homer's a very good father, actually. All right, dad. He's like, you know, a little dumb, but he shows up to. He does his job, he's faithful. I'm gonna put him at. I'm gonna put him at number three. Hold on. Next one. Don Vito Corleone. Well, you know, in some ways, a good father. Remember when his son Sonny was sleeping with a bridesmaid at a wedding that his wife was present at? And I said, a man who never spends any time with his family is no man at all. But, you know, one of the marks against him as a good Father is he runs a crime family and ends up getting his son killed. Spoiler alert, by the way, Vito, you know, he tried his best, but he. I'm put him kind of lower on the list. He has family values, but there's some problems, so I'm going to put him here. Am I just going to draw them? Next one.
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And I'll finish with a quote from my late father,
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Andrew Tate. Is he a father? I guess he is a father, I think. Yeah. You don't see much of his children, which I guess is a good thing. But, yeah, I think he's got a lot of children by a lot of different women. Right. Did they all have different baby mothers?
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I mean, not all different, but there's been a few ovens to bake the bread.
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And it's not just people have kids by different women. But you say it was a mistake. Wish I didn't get divorced. I wish I should have married, whatever, you know, I think he actually extols the virtue of having lots of kids with different women.
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I have many concurrent serious relationships as we speak.
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Are you poly?
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No. Because that means they can talk to other dudes. That's haram. That's atrocious. That's disgusting.
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So I'm gonna put that a little lower. He goes lower than Vito, I think. I think he provides for them materially, I think, but. And he's not a lib. But he's like a lib. He's like a kind of a libert. Anyway, I'll put him right below Vito Corleone. Was that. Is that kind of like an Andrew? I sometimes see pictures of Andrew Tate. Okay, if you're enjoying this, do not let it end with this conversation. Tune in to the Michael Knowles show every weekday, Monday through Friday. Stay informed daily on the most pressing political and cultural stories. Listen on Apple podcasts, watch on YouTube, or get the best of both worlds on Spotify, where you can watch, listen, even jump into the comments. I will see you there. Now let's get back to ranking dads. I am your father, Darth Vader. Well, all's well that ends well, I guess. He does chop his kid's arm off, right? That's not nice, you know, that's worse than a spanking. But he does save him by throwing the emperor down into that electrical pit. He's redeemed in the end, is the thing, in a way that Corleone, you know, he's like, I wanted more for you, but there was no time. And he kind of advises Michael on how to Take over the family. So I'm gonna put Vade actually above Corleone and Andrew Tate. Mufasa is. He's the Lion King. That's not the brother. The brother's scar. Yeah, Mufasa's good. He's a good father. Is he better than Homer Simpson? I mean, he's a lion. And so, you know, like a human father. Should he be the last because he's a lion? Why the you lying? I guess Mufasa's good. I guess I put him above Homer. That's not a great line. It looks almost like Darth Vader. Next one. Abraham. Yeah, Abraham's. See, now it's like I'm getting to the top. He does almost murder his son, but only. Cause God tells him so. It's not even really murder. Abraham is like, you know, the father of faith. What if. Are you gonna end up putting, like, God the father there? I have to Do I need to leave a spot open for God the father? Whatever. I'm putting Abraham ahead of. Cause I can't say Abraham's lower than Mufasa or Helm or Simpson. Okay, whatever. Bill Cosby. Look, I'm not saying he was a good boyfriend or husband, but as a father, he was always giving, you know, his son all that good advice. Now that everybody has told you about the dangers of doing drugs, I'd like to tell you about some of the benefits. I guess he's kind of low because of the even. I mean, I'm not even convinced it was rape in the sense that, like, he kept dating these women. He clearly had it. But it was, like, definitely on the border of that. Okay, he'll go below Andrew Tate. Is he the worst dad ever, though? I'll put him at 9. Oh, I gotta draw it, right? I'm gonna draw, like, a Coogee sweater. But now it actually looks like Andrew Tate is wearing a Coogee sweater. But it's. Anyway, that's Bill Cosby. That stands for Bill Cosby. I'll do a Jello pudding cup just to make sure it looks a Jello pudding cup there too. Okay, next one. Genghis Khan. Yeah, no, he was good at becoming a father. That's for sure. He was pretty good. Because we're all descended from him. Not literally all of us. Like, I don't think that many white people are descended from Genghis Khan, but a lot of people are. I would say he's definitely above. I mean, he was a pretty brutal guy. He's definitely above Darth Vader, though. It's like, almost all lines drawing. Okay. Walter White. Okay. He's not the worst dad. Well, he squanders all the money. He's trying to provide for his family. But then he says in the end, he's like, I just did it for me. But I don't know if he did. I think it started a little bit providing for his family. So the question is, like, who's the last one? Really? What?
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We're.
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Is it 4, or is this number 10? I would say Walter White. Is Walter White really wor. I mean, he killed. Kills a bunch of people. He might. And he's a drug dealer. Okay. He might be the worst. Let's see. Walter White also kind of looks like John Belushi and the Bloosh brothers. Okay, last one. You're Elon Musk. I am Elon. There we go. See, I would have put Elon. This is actually not bad. Okay, hold on. I can't do a good Elon picture. Oh, you know what I should have done? Okay, whatever. That's my Elon. I should have done him in, like, anime. You know, he's always posting those anime girls. Anyway. Okay, all right. That's not bad. So it's Abraham, man. I'm so. All right, now. Abraham's number one. Great. This is a great. I did great. I did a great job. Where would I rank on this list, given what I'm a father, and I was very good at this. Abraham Mufasa, Homer Elon, Genghis Khan, Darth Vader, Don Corleone, Andrew Tate, Bill Cosby, Walter White. I totally stand by the. Whenever we've done this kind of game, I always am like, ah, no, I ended up putting the good guys last or whatever. I stand by this list. That's a good list. Can I change? Like, I'm gonna write out. I can't change. So once they're there, I can't. So what if it's like, I leave number one open and then you put Hitler or something? Who wasn't a dad. He was a dog dad. He would have been such a perfect millennial. Wouldn't he have? He's a dog daddy. Okay.
Episode: WORST to BEST Dads: Michael Knowles Top T10 RANKING
Date: June 20, 2026
Host: Michael Knowles (The Daily Wire)
In this playful and irreverent Father's Day special, Michael Knowles undertakes the arbitrary but entertaining challenge—assigned by his producers—of definitively ranking 10 "random" famous dads, both real and fictional. The conversation veers from self-mockery to cultural commentary, all delivered in Knowles' witty, sometimes provocative style. The episode blends pop culture, history, and philosophy, raising tongue-in-cheek questions around paternity, virtue, and legacy.
Final order (best to worst):
On Homer Simpson:
“Homer actually is a good father...He does his job, he's faithful.” (01:36)
On Don Corleone:
“He tried his best, but...he runs a crime family and ends up getting his son killed.” (01:58)
On Andrew Tate:
"You don't see much of his children, which I guess is a good thing..." (03:05)
“No. Because that means they can talk to other dudes, that's haram. That's atrocious. That's disgusting.” (03:33)
On Abraham:
“He does almost murder his son, but only cause God tells him so. It’s not even really murder. Abraham is like...the father of faith.” (05:18)
On the Cosby dilemma:
“I'm not saying he was a good boyfriend or husband, but as a father, he was always giving, you know, his son all that good advice.” (05:43)
On Hitler (joking):
“He was a dog dad. He would have been such a perfect millennial. Wouldn’t he have? He's a dog daddy.” (08:20)
Michael Knowles delivers his rankings with a sardonic, clever tone that both lampoons and critically assesses his picks. The dialogue is fast, self-aware, and riddled with cultural references, ensuring that listeners are entertained even as no conclusive philosophy emerges—except perhaps: evaluating dads is a highly unscientific affair, especially when the list swings from biblical patriarchs to cartoon lions and notorious TV antiheroes.
For those who missed it, this episode is a fun pop-culture romp with just enough seriousness to provoke debate—and maybe, just maybe, an appreciation for your own dad.