Michael Knowles Can't Stop Laughing With Comedian Jeff Dye | YES or NO

Summary

The Michael Knowles Show: YES or NO – Jeff Dye (March 28, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Michael Knowles welcomes comedian Jeff Dye for a special game of "Yes or No," a tongue-in-cheek contest about who knows whom better, riddled with provocative questions on politics, culture, gender, and the nature of comedy today. Through rapid-fire prompts and unscripted banter, the two spar and bond over hot-button issues, pop culture, personal quirks, and what it means to “be right” in today’s divided America. The episode runs the emotional and intellectual gamut, from hilarious hypotheticals and dark humor to thoughtful explorations of empathy, masculinity, and public perception.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off: Banter & Wager (01:31–03:56)

• Michael introduces Jeff Dye, explaining the “yes or no” game format: each locks in answers to polarizing questions, then tries to guess the other’s response.
• The initial jokey wager: “Whoever loses has to move to Iran.” (Banter about real estate prices in Iran and Tehran vs. post-Rubio Gaza.)
• Both quickly pivot to “cigars for a cigar” as a more practical prize.
• Tone: Playful, competitive, with early digs at “being right.”

2. Medical "Diagnosis Fads" & Dyslexia (04:08–06:41)

• They discuss whether dyslexia is just "an excuse for not wanting to proofread text messages."
  • Jeff Dye shares his own experience with dyslexia: “It’s fine, you know?” (05:19, Dye)
  • He admits using the diagnosis as an excuse as a kid, but now finds ways to work with it.
  • Michael observes: "My buddies who are dyslexic are better at show business... their brains work in a different way." (05:57, Knowles)
• Touches briefly on Gavin Newsom’s self-proclaimed dyslexia as an excuse not to read.
• Lighthearted comparison: “I have dysphoria. I have gender dysphoria.” (06:41, Knowles)
• Memorable moment: Personal and somewhat unexpected vulnerability from Jeff about learning differences.

3. Public Perception & Being Misunderstood (07:12–09:34)

• Prompt: Would Michael be comfortable if his tombstone (in public opinion) read “the guy who wanted to eradicate trannies from public life”?
  • Michael: “If I even merit an obituary… it’s gonna say, like, this ugly, stupid jerk died today… I rejoice in my sufferings.” (08:21)
• Both reflect on how public figures are reduced to caricatures/controversies after death.
• Notable empathy from Jeff: “I would be angry for you if that’s how you were remembered.” (08:11)

4. Trans Women in Sports & Gender Politics (10:04–15:19)

• Jeff recounts seeing Fallon Fox (trans woman) fight a biological female: "The fight went exactly how you think it went. It was about 12 seconds... Tamika’s skull is breaking into." (11:12, Dye)
• Segue into a light debate on Ronda Rousey vs. Gina Carano, and a reflection on masculinity, physicality, and gender norms in sports:
  • Jeff: “I’m not really into any fighting, even the guys. I go, Jesus, if these were dogs, this would be against the law.” (13:08, Dye)
• Michael's discomfort at watching women fight: “I have to walk if I go to UFC and the girls start fighting.”
• Playful discussion of intergender matchups, with Jeff joking about his hypothetical fight with Ronda Rousey.

5. Comedy, Race, and Edginess (16:40–24:39)

• Prompt: Is a classic “Amazing Racist” skit racist by 2026 standards?
  • Michael: “That, to me, is the peak unracist... there was no racism [‘90s to pre-Obama], it was kind of over.” (18:03)
  • Jeff: “There’s some racism that’s just funny, like a racist joke, but it’s damn sure racist.” (19:02)
• Discuss “the nice side of racism” in comedy—making light without genuine animosity.
  • Michael: “Racism implies animosity, you know.” (19:55)
• Examination of stereotypes, context, and why culture (and joke reception) shifts over time, referencing Chris Rock’s infamous “I love black people, but I hate…” bit (21:04–21:39).
  • Michael: “The times kind of change around it.” (21:50)
• Jeff’s favorite race: “Mexican's my favorite. Their culture’s the best... always working hard... never complaining... always got a nice family.” (22:52–25:10, Dye)
• Both agree that “kindness” matters most.

6. Ethnicity, Identity, and DNA Hype (25:16–31:24)

• Joke question on whether being Canadian is the “heaviest burden”; Jeff goes with French Canadian as the “grumpiest” ethnicity.
  • Jeff: “Everything in my life is valued by kindness... French Canadians are. They're so mad all the time.” (27:04)
• Humorous take on tracing ancestry—confessions about genealogy’s underwhelming conclusions and poking fun at Ancestry.com, DNA harvesting and conspiracy fears.
  • Michael: “We live in the most conspiracy obsessed world… but then we’re so comfortable just sending our DNA to some warehouse.” (30:56)

7. Conspiracies: Bigfoot, Aliens & Skepticism (32:20–36:29)

• Is Bigfoot the most ridiculous cryptid?
  • Jeff is a Bigfoot believer: “There’s always reports all the time... It’s wildly likely there’s creatures in our caves that we don’t know about.” (33:09–33:45, Dye)
• Aliens: Both agree on their existence.
  • Michael: “If it’s a real thing people are seeing, I think it’s probably demons.” (35:17)
  • Jeff: “My favorite thing about conspiracies is not pretending you know the answer, but just knowing there’s a possibility.” (35:37)
• Sidebar on overlooked French Canadian involvement in history, and more friendly US-Canada banter.

8. Language, Names, and Smug Pronunciation (39:15–41:12)

• Discussing pronunciation of “Iran/Pakistan,” and mocking exaggerated ethnic pronunciations in English sentences.
  • Jeff: “If you’re saying the whole sentence in English, you should be like, my grandmother makes the best tortoise.” (40:12)
  • Michael: “I don’t sit there and say... I would like a plate of the spaghetti a la carbonate.” (40:23)

9. Rapid Fire Round: Stealing, Gatekeeping, and Men’s Spaces (41:13–45:56)

• Are eggs meat? (No.)
• Is anything worth stealing, worth stealing twice?
  • Jeff: “I don’t think people should steal anything ever... It’s the lowliest crime. We should cut people’s hands off when they steal... It’s like a little rape.” (41:59–42:28, Dye)
• Should men’s spaces and hobbies be protected from women?
  • Michael: “If you want to have a space just for one group, you have to exclude people.” (43:34)
  • Jeff: “There’s nothing wrong with men’s spaces, there’s nothing wrong with women’s spaces. That’s healthy.” (43:51)
• Both agree: gendered spaces foster healthy relationships and societal dynamics.

10. The Nature of Comedy: AI, Therapy, and Podcasting (47:08–54:04)

• Will AI replace standup? Both say no: comedy is “deeply interpersonal, alive, unscriptable.”
  • Michael: “AI can’t do that... It has no sensory experience, so it can’t really make those new connections.” (48:12)
  • Jeff: “Comedy’s too tricky... you have to say a thing in a certain way.”
• Is podcasting just therapy for men who won’t go to therapy?
  • Michael reframes: “Podcasting is often a social life for men who increasingly don’t have social lives.” (49:12)
  • Jeff: “To talk is to think.” (50:12, Dye, citing Jordan Peterson)
  • They explore the importance of articulating beliefs—how discussing even absurd or taboo topics builds empathy and actual understanding.

11. Empathy for "Bad Guys" & Moral Logic (54:10–56:58)

• They dig into compassion for society’s most reviled (e.g., pedophiles, racists), reflecting on how having to logically articulate moral boundaries is itself a form of growth.
  • Jeff: “By explaining it, I did get this overwhelming sense of compassion for people who might struggle with that.” (55:29)
  • Michael: “It’s very easy to be nice to Mother Teresa... It’s actually hard to be nice to the guy in prison, or the thief, or whatever.” (56:09)

12. Politics, Entertainment & Political Correctness (62:10–68:18)

• Is this the hardest historical moment for entertainers to take a clear stand (post-10/7 Israel/Hamas war)?
  • Michael: “It was harder under communism—everyone pretended not to be communists, but they were. Now, you really don’t know where anyone stands.” (63:06)
  • Jeff: “They’re all liars. That’s how Hollywood works… They’ll say whatever they think will get cheers.” (63:32, Dye)
• Both agree: comedians are best off avoiding complex issues and focusing on universally relatable, less divisive topics.

13. Final Round: Amendments & Society (68:20–71:15)

• If you had to repeal one amendment for societal flourishing, would it be the 19th (women’s suffrage)?
  • Both clarify what the amendment is; Michael’s actual target would be the 14th (equal protection), with the 19th “second on the list.”
  • Debate over which amendment did more to “blow up the Constitution.”
  • End with scores, jokes about moving to Tehran, and closing plugs for Jeff Dye’s tour and game.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Let’s be clear. Racism is bad. Don’t be racist. But it’s funny. You can use jokes and make light of it. There’s a nice side of these things.” — Jeff Dye, 20:44
• “If you want to have a space just for one group, you have to exclude people. You got to say no sometimes.” — Michael Knowles, 43:34
• “To talk is to think.” — Jeff Dye, 50:12, referencing Jordan Peterson
• “Comedy does come from an interplay of real people.” — Michael Knowles, 47:20
• “It’s not philosophy. It’s a kind of introspective social thinking.” — Michael Knowles, 53:09
• “I just think that the jokes are such a thing for all that. That’s why it’s weird that people get so mad at comics… you’ll hear it if it’s coming through a joke or a comedy club.” — Jeff Dye, 22:21

---

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Highlight | |:--------------|:-------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:31–03:56 | Introduction, rules, playful wager (Iran/cigars banter) | | 04:08–06:41 | Dyslexia, excuses, and personal learning stories | | 07:12–09:34 | "Tombstone" question & discussion on public perception | | 10:04–15:19 | Trans athletes, fighting sports, and gender politics | | 16:40–24:39 | Comedy and racism, changing norms, favorite "race" humor | | 25:16–31:24 | Genealogy banter, DNA privacy, ethnic identity | | 32:20–36:29 | Bigfoot, aliens, conspiracy theories | | 39:15–41:12 | Language, pronunciation, smugness about names | | 41:13–45:56 | Rapid fire: eggs, stealing, men’s clubs, personal spaces | | 47:08–54:04 | AI & comedy, therapy via podcasting, introspection | | 54:10–56:58 | Empathy for wrongdoers, logical moral reasoning | | 62:10–68:18 | Political stances, Hollywood, and tribalism | | 68:20–71:15 | Repealing amendments, constitutional satire |

---

Episode Highlights – In Their Own Words

• On empathy and logic:
  “By explaining it, I did get this overwhelming sense of compassion for people who might struggle with that.” — [55:29, Jeff Dye]

• On comedy, race, and changing taboos:
  “The times kind of change around it… it's not that the bit changed. It’s not that white people and black people changed, but the culture changed.” — [21:50, Michael Knowles]

• On men’s and women’s spaces:
  “There’s nothing wrong with men’s spaces, there’s nothing wrong with women’s spaces. That’s healthy.” — [43:51, Jeff Dye]

• On podcasting as therapy:
  “Podcasting is often a social life for men who increasingly don’t have social lives… It is social in a certain sense, but it’s kind of one step removed. It’s almost parasocial.” — [49:12, Michael Knowles]
  “To talk is to think.” — [50:12, Jeff Dye]

---

Final Thoughts & Episode Tone

This episode balances sharp, sometimes controversial humor with honest personal reflection and a recurring theme: the power of dialogue to foster understanding or at least empathy, even across taboos and culture war flashpoints. While the edge and irreverence are ever-present (with plenty of off-color jokes and topical provocations), Knowles and Dye both consistently return to the importance of kindness, personal integrity, and the special, irreplaceable role of real human connection in comedy and life.

If you’re looking for laughs, hot takes, a sliver of genuine vulnerability, and a crash course on how two grown men can agree, disagree, and still bond over cigars and wordplay, this episode delivers.

---

Jeff Dye plugs:

• New podcast: "Die Hard with Jeff Dye" (YouTube)
• Stand-up tour: tickets at jeffdye.com

Product mention:

• "Yes or No" game by Daily Wire (available via their shop)

(Ad segments, official intro/outro omitted.)

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge.

[B]

Nice choice hitting up this podcast.

[A]

No surprises. You're all about diving into tastes everyone

[B]

in the room can enjoy.

[A]

Just like White Claw Surge.

[B]

It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the night's just begun.

[A]

With bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume. Unleash the night.

[B]

Unleash White Claw Surge.

[A]

Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors, 8% alcohol by volume. White Cloth Seltzer Works, Chicago, Illinois, 5am I'm up with a crisp Celsius energy drink running 12 miles today. Grab a green juice, quick change and head to work. Meetings, workshops. One more Celsius. No slowing down. Working late, but obviously still meeting the girls for a little dancing. Celsius live fit. Go grab a cold, refreshing Celsius at your local retailer or locate [e-mail].

[B]

can you believe we were just pantsing people? Yeah. You'd wait for your friend who trusts you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To be like holding a tray of food or something and then you would just pants him. If he told on you, you'd act incredulous, like, oh God, here we go. All we did was pull his pants and underwear down and now he told on us. We're gonna have to beat the out of that.

[A]

Welcome to yes or no, the bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better. My guest today is comedian Jeff Dye.

[B]

Sorry, I'm googling. Bibulous.

[A]

Bibulous. It's a great word.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Ten dollar word when a nickel would have done. He is a stand up comedian and an actor and here is how it works. I'm gonna ask Jeff a yes or no question to lock in his answer away from my prying eyes. Then I will try to guess what he chose. If I guess corre, I get a point. If I guess incorrectly, I will lose a point. No matter what I usually say, I'll end up drinking. But mercifully, Jeff took pity on me today because it's in the morning and I don't have to slam a martini right when I wake up, I'm having a tasty little smoothie. Then it'll be Jeff's turn. Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand. Whoever has the most points at the end of the game wins. The stakes could be higher. Do you have a wager? Jeff, first of all, thank you for coming on the show.

[B]

Thanks for having me. I'm a big fan. I'm excited to be here.

[A]

Yeah, pleasure's all mine.

[B]

Please. Hey, my alcoholism Worked out to your advantage. Dude, I have to drink today.

[A]

I am so happy you're an alcoholic. I did not. And the fact that you come on the one thing I'm irritated about. You had two sold out shows at Zany's last night.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Nobody informed me of this fact.

[B]

Now you got to work on your tv.

[A]

I know. So the shows went great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now you're here, we're smoking. Nice tasty breakfast.

[B]

I'm very excited. Cheers.

[A]

Cheers. What's the wager?

[B]

Oh, I thought about this all morning. You know, it's. You know, when you prep for a show like yes or no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't stop thinking about it. A little bit of nerves, you know, a little excitement was racking my brain. I figured a fair wager. You live in Nashville, I live in Los Angeles. Y. Whoever loses has to move to Iran. I think that is. That's a pretty. You know. Cuz we both love where we live. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, if this is going to mean something.

[A]

Look, all right, that's fair because I was going to say. I was going to say, if I lose, I'll give you like a box of cigars or something.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we'll go with cigars for a cigar.

[A]

Yeah. And if I.

[B]

But now what are you afraid about? Real estate in Iran.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now can't afford it with your big fancy show. Soon enough. What are the prices in Iran? I don't know. What that.

[A]

I can't wait. I'd rather live in Tehran post Rubio than at the Trump Hotel and Casino in Gaza, which also will be built. So we have the stakes on the table.

[B]

Okay. Got it.

[A]

You know the rules.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

I don't really. I ask every time.

[B]

I was lying when I said that, but I just figured, you know, say it with confidence. We'll roll through it, edit it, you know.

[A]

This is live. Of all the modern medical diagnosis fads, which increasingly seem to be ways to dodge personal accountability, is dyslexia just an excuse for not wanting to proofread text messages?

[B]

That is absurd.

[A]

I have to guess how you would answ.

[B]

It's well written. It's very funny.

[A]

It was written by a dyslexic. I'm not even joking.

[B]

I know, but it's very. Actually, it was written well, I just like. Which increasingly seems to be ways to dodge personal accountability is very funny.

[A]

Yeah. I. Now do you have your answer?

[B]

I haven't locked in. That's how you would.

[A]

Yeah, it is locked in.

[B]

No, I said now I'm locked In. But I feel like I saw my thumb.

[A]

Yeah. I. It's not. So it's not just an excuse, but Newsom. Is Newsom dyslexic, do you think?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

He says he is.

[B]

He's. And we should never, ever conflate dyslexia with. Be unfair and be insensitive. Yeah.

[A]

Also, it's just like, the medical colleges don't teach that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Dyslexia and. And retardism are very different.

[B]

And we got. I'm a sensitive guy. I'm trying to be sensitive to these subjects. Yeah. I have dyslexia. Do you know that?

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Yeah, but it's. It's fine, you know?

[A]

Can you.

[B]

Because Newsom said it flares up every once and again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not a big deal.

[A]

You're looking at yes or no, and then it switches and then no. Yeah.

[B]

But times I've noticed it in my life is like one time I was. It's a glass door, and on this side, it said pull. But because I'm. It's a glass door, the pull was backwards. And I'm sitting there pulling, and I think I'm going crazy. I'm like, am I not. It says pull.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My friend's like, yeah, it's on the other side. And I was like, oh. But like, it was just very. Those are the kind of moments where I see it rear its head, but who cares about it?

[A]

So I've found that my buddies who are dyslexic actually are better at show business because they have better spatial reasoning. It's not a punch man. It's not a joke. I actually think their brains work in a different way. So Newsom said, because he's dyslexic, he doesn't read. He can't read. Do you read?

[B]

I read all the time. Yeah. So he's just.

[A]

That's a completely ridiculous.

[B]

I think it is true. People use it as an excuse. I used it as an excuse growing up. I can't do this. I've just, like. I would go. I got a little excuse to not have to do the thing. But I listen to books. Yeah, that's better. I'm a better listener than a reader. Also, you can multitask. You can't, like, hold a book and, like, drive your car. You put it on the thing. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I find a sexy is kind of an advantage. I don't know.

[A]

I have dysphoria. I have gender dysphoria.

[B]

You do? Oh, that's huge. Right now.

[A]

It Is. It's a big one. It's a new excuse to be a pervert. Actually, that's really what it's for. Okay, you're up.

[B]

All right, so I'm gonna unlock now. Are you comfortable with the fact that if you died today, your tombstone in public opinion would read, the guy who wanted to eradicate trannies from public life entirely? Public life?

[A]

Oh, Moderate Michael Scrattling. The fence again.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Like, my tombstone in public opinion. What does that mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My obituary.

[B]

I don't know. I don't really know. But, yeah, I think that they're suggesting that if you died right now, this is what would be on your tombstone. Wow. Which I disagree with the premise, but if that is true, would you be comfortable with that?

[A]

I got my answer.

[B]

Yeah. I'm gonna go out with no. Yeah.

[A]

All right. Get that point. You're moving to Tehran.

[B]

Wait, you said yes?

[A]

Yeah, I did say yes.

[B]

You're comfortable with that?

[A]

That's okay. It doesn't bother me.

[B]

No, you wouldn't.

[A]

That's fine. Whatever. First of all, I'd be dead, so I'd either be in heaven, in which case I'm comfortable with anything, or I'd be burning in hell, in which case I couldn't ever be comfortable.

[B]

It isn't, are you comfortable now in that state? It's, are you comfortable with what is on that table?

[A]

Am I today, or would I be comfortable?

[B]

Are you comfortable with the fact.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, am I. That is okay. All right, that's fair. You're not dyslexic. You read that better than I read that.

[B]

And I was listening. I'm obsessed with words, you know? But it's like, am I comfortable with that? I would be angry for you if that's how you were remembered.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, look, I'm comfortable with it in the sense that I rejoice in my sufferings. You know, what am I? If I am. If I even merit an obituary in the New York Times or something, some liberal paper, it's gonna say, like, this ugly, stupid jerk died today. And, you know, look, an ISIS commander dies. They say, the austere, brilliant, beautiful religious scholar, the poet, whatever. And then Scott Adams dies, and they say, like, racist cartoonist, dead celebrations at a.

[B]

It happened this week, actually. Chuck Norris's thing was, like, maybe his politics will take away from his being remembered. But you see what they wrote about Rob Reiner, and it was like, the most sweet, nice thing.

[A]

Or the Ayatollah. Yeah. So I guess I'm comfortable with it in the sense that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That if I even merit an obituary, it's gonna be the guy who wanted to genocide the trannies and merit an obituary. Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Not everyone gets Uncle Al got an obit. You're way more successful than him. He was just some creep. What did they.

[A]

Yeah, what did they say about Uncle Al?

[B]

Nothing good. He was survived by his fifth wife.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I get. You're right. I'm more comfortable with the tranny thing

[B]

than some of that. Despite all the holes in his resume, he said he had money. You know, I'm not comfortable with that for you. I think you're a great man. And I hate that people write weird.

[A]

Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Actually, I guess my obituary is going to be in Farsi if I lose this game, so. We'll find out. This is a video prompt that we have to watch before I. Oh, cool.

[B]

He's. Oh, you know that they're going to let a trans chick fight a biological female. I'm a go along guy. I'm going, hey, I don't, you know, hey, you know, hey, why do you care, man? She wants to fight. She can fight whatever she believes. She is beautiful, you know? That's nice, right? That's good. That's nice. Go along guy. That's good. Trying to be nice. Want to be everybody's friend. Want everyone to get along and say, let her, you know? And then the fight came on and they were like, in this corner, Tamika, she's like, hi, I'm a regular lady. Happy to be here. Happy to be here. And they're going, in this corner, Fallon Fox, she's like, oh, God. I was like, oh, God, they're gonna fight. And Brendan's like, that's what we were telling you earlier. And I was like, oh, I think I have some opinions, actually. I suddenly formed a few opinions. I'm no longer go along guy. They shouldn't do this. The fight went exactly how you think it went. It was about 12 seconds of Fallon Fox going, tamika's skull is breaking into.

[A]

We agree men shouldn't beat up women. All right, side question. Will Gina Carano beat Ronda Rousey on May 16? All right, what you're gonna is. No, I got it wrong. You think Gina Carano is going to beat Ronda Rousey with this?

[B]

The big reveal on these is very strange. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think Gina Carano is going to win.

[A]

Why you think that?

[B]

Cuz I bet with my heart, not with my brain.

[A]

Yeah. You know why I actually. I. Look, I love Gina. She's been on this show. Gina, though. How do I say this? Cause I'm a married guy. I don't want it to seem like I'm.

[B]

She's hot.

[A]

She's. Yeah, she's, like, kind of. She's slimmed even a little bit. And I just fear.

[B]

And she's always been gorgeous.

[A]

She's always been beautiful. I fear that now, her, like, even being a little trimmer, that's gonna give her a disadvantage in the fight.

[B]

Oh, by the way, I should be very clear on this. When I'm talking about her body, it isn't about weight fluctuation. It's just like, I'm not into, like, big, strong chicks. There was the muscle thing. It's like there were times where Gina was like, yeah, maybe that's. She beat the hell out of me, you know? But she's always beautiful. She's always been cool. I'm going to that fight, by the way.

[A]

Can I. I. I love Gina Carano. Yeah, that's my preface. I hate watching women fight. I mean, I like watching them fight in kind of like, in the office, when they're just being catty to each other. And that's kind of. But in terms physical fights, I have to walk. If I go to UFC and the girls start fighting, I go get a drink, I fall.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I cannot watch it. I don't know. It might. Maybe I'm. I can't tell if that makes sense.

[B]

Why do you think that is?

[A]

I can't tell if it's chivalry. It might be just chivalry. I don't want to say, or. I don't know. Maybe I'm just nuts.

[B]

What if we gave him weapons?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then would you be in?

[A]

Well, yeah, if I didn't have to look the loser in the face afterward because she would be splayed out, you know, splattered on the mat, then maybe I could do it.

[B]

I'll admit this here, I'm not really into any fighting, even the guys. I'm going, jesus, if these were dogs, this would be against the law. You know? Like, this is crazy. Like, I watch fake wrestling. Like, I watch WWE and stuff like that. Like, I like that it's predetermined. I like that it's a show, you know, I know they're not really hurting each other. I know they're buddies. So to be honest, any kind of fighting makes me a little, you know, not. Not comfortable. But I'm friends with Joe, and I'm friends with Brendan Schaub and all these guys who love it. And so they've kind of made me into it just because I like them and I like being around them. But I also have. I'm a hater when it comes to Ronda Rousey. I've always been a hater. I don't like her attitude. I know that she's a badass, and she's the best at what she does, and I respect that. And Joe loves her and defends her and says she's like a competitor, but I like people that are nice.

[A]

And so could you beat up Ronda Rousey? No.

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

I don't see. I remember we asked this.

[B]

Let's get. Let's get that.

[A]

Let's get that going, man. That would be a great. Yeah.

[B]

You'd watch that.

[A]

I would watch. I'm learning stuff about myself. I. We asked some, like, millennial. This is 10 years ago, one of the millennial staffers, back when we were young, when millennials were young, and we're like, do you think that a woman can beat up a man? And he said, absolutely. I was like, I don't think that basically any woman can beat up basically any man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like when that tennis player Karsten Barrage played.

[B]

They really buried that. Yeah. Yeah. You can't almost find that anywhere on the Internet. You gotta do some deep diving to find that.

[A]

All right, so the only way to find out if Ronda Rousey could beat you up is to film it on this show.

[B]

I think I could knock her out. Here's what I think. I think I could knock. I got the reach. I got big fists, whatever. But I think that, like, she would try to do some wormy thing where she gets me on the ground, and then she'd break my arm, and then everyone would laugh in my face. That's what I think would happen. Cause she knows Judah. She knows what she's doing. So I would say if we fought, she would indefinitely win for sure.

[A]

Cause she'd get wormy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. She's all squirrely and all that, but I think I could maybe just rack her one. And then people would be like, oh, dude. But that's. These kind of conversations are tricky, you know? Like, one time you met when you

[A]

talk about beating women.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I mean, I see it on Mortal Kombat all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tony Blade gets beat up by Sub Zero. No one says anything.

[A]

This is like, that.

[B]

I talk about knocking out Ronda Rousey. Everyone's like, can you believe what he said to Michael Knowles?

[A]

This is the trash talk before the fight. Yeah, she's gonna get wormy and squirrely. I'll knock her with a right hook. Okay, you're up.

[B]

I know all X's and O's with that talk, don't I? Well, me and my buddy were always laughing about one time. He's always coming up with these things. He goes, man, you think a chimp could beat up a guy? And. And then everybody talks about, you know, these monkeys, how strong they are and all this stuff. And I go, dude, it wouldn't go the way you think it would go. Dude, what would happen is they'd have some guy out there like Bobby Lashley, like, I'm going to beat up this monkey. And then the monkeys just kind of doesn't even know he's in a fight, smoking a cigar. Bobby Lashley's like, just kills the monkeys dead. And then everyone's like, we shouldn't have done this, because the monkey don't know he's gonna fight a guy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Now everyone's just standing by the cage going, oh, God, he just killed that chimp.

[A]

If at least the monkey put up a fight, I could tolerate it.

[B]

Everyone just goes, why did we do this? Yeah, yeah, we gave him lessons. We kept saying, you're gonna fight this guy, and he wasn't listening.

[A]

Oh, he doesn't have a.

[B]

He's eating an apple.

[A]

Yeah. Sad.

[B]

This is sad.

[A]

You gotta clear your answer.

[B]

All right? It's a video or photo prompt. Oh, dear. It's your. Sorry. Sorry, boy. Sorry, boy. Man, hotter in Africa out there.

[A]

What's up, Fat Albert?

[B]

Listen, I need a couple lighters.

[A]

Got a couple lighters.

[B]

You walk around with that? You wanna from this. Do you know who the you are? Me?

[A]

Don't get your panties in a bunch.

[B]

You need to step the. I don't understand your lingo. That is Ari Shafir from the Amazing Racist, which was live on MySpace.

[A]

Man, that really takes me back, too.

[B]

It's old.

[A]

Nice old Internet.

[B]

So here's your question. In the year of our Lord 2026, is this racist?

[A]

Hmm?

[B]

I have to think what you're gonna answer.

[A]

I said no. Yeah, give me that point. All right?

[B]

What do you mean, no?

[A]

No, it's not. Because truly, that, to me, is the peak un racist. No, it's not. When you get the Klansman and the black guy, it's not. Because.

[B]

Yeah. Let's just be clear.

[A]

Yeah. I wanna start with what you're saying.

[B]

We have the Klansman calling a black guy Fat Albert and boy, and he's carrying a crucifix that he needs lighter fluid for. Whatever.

[A]

No, because as I can tell, the 90s, into the 2000s, actually, probably pretty much right up to Obama, there was no racism. The racism was kind of over. Starting, I would say, post Rodney King, pre Obama, there was this period where race relations were as good as they've ever been. And so the joke here is that, like, a black guy and a white guy will be in this sketch, and it's totally fine. Even that's supposed to be kind of offensive. But it was all fun and games. Whereas now it got more real. I don't know, it seems like all of the really edgy accounts online, all the stuff they're posting is like, hey, hey, do you know about IQs and stuff? And you're like, there we go. Hey, do you know about it? Do you know that In Somalia the IQ's like, yeah, I know. I get what you're saying. But it's the black people that they. Yeah, I know. I know what you're saying, man. But they mean it really seriously, I think. Whereas there was this kind of.

[B]

But is racist mean? Seriously?

[A]

Yeah, I think to be a real

[B]

racist, because things are racist that are funny, that's racist. But it's also hilarious and it's satire and it's absurd because, like, Yosemite Sam is absurd, but he's kind of circles back around to funny because it's so like, you know, and like. Like this is. There's racism that is terrible, and then there's some racism that's just funny, like a racist joke, but it's def. Damn sure racist.

[A]

Well, you have to start with the premise that all stereotypes are true. Every stereotype is true by definition. That's how it became a stereotype. And so if you, like, if you say, I don't know, I can't think of a good example. I'm standing across from a comedian. I can't think of a good, funny example. But if you were to make some stereotypical observation about black guy or Mexican or whatever, it's like, here we go, Jamal, over here and your pals about it. I think racism implies animosity, you know, I think it implies.

[B]

Okay, so that's what you meant, that. That there's no animosity in that.

[A]

Yeah, not at all. It's really the opposite of that. Whereas today, like, if you. If you make even the IQ thing, or like, you know, hey, cross the street when that guy's Walking down the street.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You kind of say it like this. Like, you know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, 13% of the population commits, 51% of the crore, whatever it is.

[B]

Cause we whisper when we do statistics.

[A]

Yes, we do. We do the whispering Does, I think, give away a little of the animosity.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I think that, no, I think that was probably the least racist America ever was, and it was downhill from there.

[B]

Yeah, I can. I agree with that. But I think that, like, I dabble in. In jokes because I live in joke world, you know? So, like, I'm just trying to have a good time and be playful. But, like, that's why people go, that's sexist. You go, yeah, sexism's funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's bad to be sexist, but it can be funny. And that's the kind of the. The point is we're taking the light out of things. So it's like, yes, racism is bad. Don't be racist. But it's funny. You can use jokes and make light of it. You can. There's a nice side of these things that you can use.

[A]

That could be the next special. The nice side of Racism.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think? To me, the case in point is that Chris Rock bit, that famous Chris Rock bit from the 90s where he was like, you know, I love black people, but I hate. He's talking about.

[B]

What's the rest?

[A]

What's that word? Yeah. Where's.

[B]

I don't know, this bit?

[A]

Where's Kramer when you need him? So. So he does this bit, you know, and it's very, very famous. He does it for years, and then at some point he stops doing it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he said he stopped doing it because the wrong kind of people were laughing a little too hard.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

And it was like when he did it in the 90s, it was all good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then it's not that the bit changed. It's not that white people and black people changed, but the culture changed to the point that he was like, you know, all right, this is no longer. It doesn't land quite like it used to.

[B]

Right. That's interesting. The times kind of change around it. Yeah. I just think that, like, the jokes are such a thing for all that. That's why it's weird that people get so mad at comics and me in general for, like, making these things. You're like, well, that's the kind of the point, you know, like, people are going to hear these opinions, you know, like, they don't want to hear CNN talk about Trans people. They don't want to hear Fox News talk about trans people. It's going to be considered so tumultuous and angry. But, like, you'll go listen to a comic talk about it, you know, be like, oh, I get that. Like, you'll hear. You'll hear it if it's coming through a joke or a comedy club.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's a kind of a fun, you know, thing for us.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. So then I guess the follow up would be like, what's your least favorite race?

[B]

Mm, good question. I gotta go with the Filipinos.

[A]

I think that's like the nicest part.

[B]

It's just fresh in my brain. Cause, like, Theo Vaughn always is talking about the Filipinos being the best. And honestly, I just go worst. Yeah, no, I don't have a worst. I got a favorite. Mexican's my favorite. Really?

[A]

Why?

[B]

Yeah, their culture's the best. They're very. No, I'm being sincere. I go to Mexico all the time. Yeah, the Mexicans have the best sense of humor. Right. As far as the, like, they're never complaining. They're always working really hard. They're always. They'll do anything. Like, as far as, like, that nothing's above them or beneath them when it comes to, like, a job or a family. They always got a nice family. Family values. They're very. They like pro wrestling. You know, they've always got a.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

They usually have two families. One, but they left behind one in the States. You know, I just. I really value Mexican culture. I like it. They seem to be grateful and happy, and I really like that.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. You can go up to. I'll give you an example because I used to have a travel show on NBC. We'd go to all these different countries. You can go up to a bunch of strangers in Mexico and be like, there you are, you pieces of. Like, they're just happy. They didn't even hear what you said, you know? But try that in Russia. Yeah. If you go up to just some guys drinking vodka with oranges, like in a parking lot, he's calling pieces of shit. They'll kill you.

[A]

Yeah, the northern peoples, they are more alcoholic. I think the most alcoholic country in the world is Iceland. Icelanders are great people, but they're very kind of dark, ironic, alcoholic. And yeah, maybe those southern people, I

[B]

don't think they've got that kind of, like, everybody's sullen, kind of commie look. Jaded. Yeah. Like an 80s villain. But I think Mexican culture Is very light. It's very, like, even. Even just going into a restaurant and you're a tourist. Right. Which everybody, every country for somehow now hates tourists for some reason. But I don't know why that's a trend.

[A]

Give us too much money.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. I hate that they come here and love what we do and give us money. But that's the new thing, is to hate tourists. But not in Mexico. They're like, how are you guys? And, like, there's a good morning. And, yeah, I remember, like, one time I drank too much, which is why I'm clean now. But I just woke up on the ground in Mexico with, like, a sore jaw. I was like, I must have said something, and someone punched me, you know? And so I just wake up in the gravel, and I was just like, whatever. And this dude coming from a resort that worked at the resort goes, hola, amigo. And I was like, hello, friend. He just saw some loser that got knocked out the night before who's clearly got a drinking problem, and he's working at a resort, and he saw me and thought, hello, friend. Like, that's so nice. They're the best race.

[A]

All right. Because I previously hated Mexicans.

[B]

Yeah. All right, Comedy wins.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

If you had to choose a struggle between being Spanish, French Canadian, German, and of Jewish descent, would being Canadian be the heaviest burden?

[B]

What a funny question.

[A]

If you had to choose.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I'm trying to figure out what it means if you had to choose a struggle, a Kampf, as some have called it, between the Spaniards, the French Canadians, the Germans, and the Jews. Do the Canadians have it the worst?

[B]

Well, this is more of a joke than a question, isn't it?

[A]

So now, hold on. You gotta put your answer. I'll guess your answer.

[B]

All right, ready?

[A]

According to Wikipedia, the Canadians have the heaviest burden. Have you had issues? Is it with being Canadian?

[B]

Good cigar, by the way.

[A]

Thank you. Thanks. I appreciate that.

[B]

How often do you smoke cigars? On this.

[A]

I. Very rarely, actually, on this show.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

But when you came in, you said, oh, I wish we were having a cigar.

[B]

I was like, cigars. I know.

[A]

Go to the humidor immediately.

[B]

One time I had a meeting here, and I asked if I could meet you, and I went into your thing, and you were just in the middle of working or something. I was like, hey, I'm, like, walking around, hey, what is this? I was, like, touching everything, and I was like, I'm really into cigars. And you're like, all right. I could tell you like, dude, who is this guy that's wandering? But I remember thinking, I'll smoke a cigar with this guy.

[A]

Another solicitation for cigars coming by. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad we got some extra, but we did it.

[B]

Yeah, we're smoking cigars. Okay. What do you think I wrote to this verbal nonsense? This plithy display of words?

[A]

Okay, I say yes.

[B]

Nope. Point. Jeff, who is it?

[A]

The Jews?

[B]

No, French Canadians.

[A]

French Canadians.

[B]

And you know what it is? Everything in my life is valued by kindness. Right? You can make whatever joke, you can do whatever you'd like, really. You could have terrible values. But if you're kind, that's what I like. I like nice, kind people. And so that's why I like the Mexicans saying earlier, but French Canadians are.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're so mad all the time. I'm always trying to cheer them up. The whole time I'm there I'm like, what's your problem? And they're like. Like they're just always. They. They hate Americans. They hate, I don't know, everything. They hate Canada.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they.

[A]

That's the. That's the greatest. Oh, so the Canadians don't have.

[B]

Well, hold on.

[A]

But it's the heaviest burden. Like they're the most put upon people. The French Canadians behave like the most put upon people. But they're not really.

[B]

No, they're not.

[A]

You have a silly little province in a silly country.

[B]

Right. They're safe because of us.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So that's sort of like these Canadians.

[B]

Somebody's gotta put them in.

[A]

Check my argument.

[B]

We could take over that place in I don't know, 30 minutes. You want us to come get it? Canada.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

I'm getting tighten up.

[A]

I'm getting another interruption in my ear. Davies says, that's not what I mean by the question. What do you mean? You want to pull up a chair, Mr. Davies, to explain.

[B]

Who is this creative? Bring him out here.

[A]

According to Wikipedia, he says the old

[B]

wizard of Oz is going, that's not what I meant.

[A]

He's like, pay no attention, eh? Okay. According to Wikipedia. What? Oh, so he says. So Davies, who didn't write any of this in the question, he says, you.

[B]

Oh, me?

[A]

You are Spanish, French Canadian, German and Jewish, dude.

[B]

It's hilarious that I read all those and didn't even put that together. That's wild. This falls on me. I didn't even know. I just see myself as a white guy and didn't even think about where my parents are from. Yeah, okay, fair enough. But don't edit this out. I think all that was fun. Okay. That was my fault.

[A]

Which of all of those, which do you most identify with?

[B]

Oh, that's hilarious. None of them. Really? No. Because my mom does genealogy, so she's. And if you don't know what genealogy is, she just finds everything. Your whole. All your family tree, and it becomes so uninteresting.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, it sounds interesting. And then your mom's like, did you know that your great, great, great, great, great grandfather worked in a store? And, like, this is like, who cares? There's no one famous. No one gives a. The whole family tree is a joke. And so the truth is, we're just super, like, American at this point. And, like, even that lineage of French Canadian and Spanish and Jewish and German goes so far back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I don't really link any of it at my mom. She's always finding new information now that the Internet is growing so rapidly. They're like, I'm not even sure how Jewish we are. You know? Like, it's like. You know, but being Jewish is somehow this, like, starlit thing in Hollywood. So, like, when she said it, I go, am I Jew?

[A]

Yeah. Did you Whoopi Goldberg at, like, pretend to be Jewish?

[B]

No. Never make it. No, never.

[A]

I. Jeffrey died.

[B]

Cause it's so not anything. We don't celebrate none of it. I think my mom just mentioned it. It's, like, so far back that, you

[A]

know, Jeffrey Goldblum died. Nice to meet you.

[B]

Wait, I get to go to Israel for free? Yeah, I'm. I'm one.

[A]

The other thing about the genealogy stuff is if you get the websites or the apps like Ancestry.com, or whatever, it'll say you'll do it because a bunch of people just add their trees to it. It'll say you're descended from Henry VIII and Genghis Khan.

[B]

Eventually.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like, I emailed. This is embarrassing. I emailed the College of Arms in the UK to see if I could use the Knowles crest, because I was descended from this guy, Sir Francis Knowles, who was the keeper of the privy person. And I emailed them. I was like, I just found this out. And then they responded to me, and they were like, actually, no, you' not. You're not. You made that up.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

He was like, all those websites are bogus and it's not true, and you don't get to use the arms.

[B]

Isn't it weird? First of all, that sucks that that happened to you. I'm sorry.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

But also, isn't it crazy that we live in the most conspiracy obsessed world? Right? The Internet has really turned us on to all these things where we're going, oh, did you know maybe this. And these people are lizard people. And, you know, this is all. Everyone's freaking the heck out out. But then we're so comfortable just sending our DNA to some warehouse. Where am I from? Yeah, dude, they're just racking up everyone's DNA in these buildings. They can frame you for any crime

[A]

anytime or just make another one of you.

[B]

Yeah, well, I'm not worried about another, Jeff, but I'm worried about them sprinkling it on some girl that's missing and going, yeah, DNA is all over this chick. And I don't even know that lady. That's what I'm afraid.

[A]

Very specific example. Hold on. This is the.

[B]

Well, it's making a murderer. You know, when they found Steve and Avery, like, they found that they had punctured the samples from his prison DNA.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. So they, like, they found blood on the girl's car and they're like, well, his DNA was on it. But then they went to the prison and somebody had tampered with all of his blood samples from the prison.

[A]

This is going to be what the cops point to when. When you get arrested for killing that lady. And you'll say, no. But my defense is, I talked about how I definitely didn't do that on Michael's show.

[B]

So therefore, this clears me.

[A]

I'm innocent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, you're up. And I'm clearing my answer. Okay.

[B]

All right. Of course. And also apologies to the wizard of Oz on the last question. He made a good question and we all ran him over the coals. We did. Increasingly, of all the conspiracy theories about strange humanoid beings, aliens, Kandahar giants, Bigfoot. Is Bigfoot now actually the most ridiculous. And I have to say what you're gonna think.

[A]

Yeah. Correct. You got that right.

[B]

Nice. Cause there's way more absurd ones than Sasquatch.

[A]

Yeah. Also, there were.

[B]

You'd have to be. You're way too smart to think that that's the most absurd.

[A]

Thank you. There were just reports of a Bigfoot. Like, again, it's like, that's probably not real, but what's the craziest one?

[B]

Well, actually, before we just mull over that. That's ridiculous. There's always reports all the time. Just because it made it to Yahoo News doesn't mean that, you know, they just had a few reports in Ohio. Yes. Every day people are seeing Bipedal hominids in the woods. Also monkeys that walk upright. Isn't that absurd? Especially if they're nocturnal. Y living in the woods. I think there's thousands of them. It's just a descendant of Gigantopithecus. When the Asian land was. I think they migrated over here. These are just descendants of Gigantopithecus.

[A]

So you're totally Bigfoot billed. Bigfoot's real.

[B]

And also I'm happy to talk about Bigfoot with anyone who thinks it's real or not real if they've done any homework. That's the problem is people go, oh, that's all made up. And I go, but you don't know about it. Yeah. You've not read a single thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You've not looked into it. You've never asked Indians or loggers or people that are out in the woods all the time. You don't ask any of these guys that are out there. It's wildly likely that there's creatures in our caves that we don't know about, that there's hominids or primates that we just haven't discovered. We have people we haven't discovered yet. And yet we think that like, oh, Bigfoot's not real. It's like, you live in Sherman Oaks. What the hell do you know about Bigfoot? So it's always people that know nothing about it who want to tell me that it's fake.

[A]

Yeah, there are weird multicolor light up fish at the bottom of the ocean that we just discovered like six minutes ago.

[B]

Well, you know, pandas, these people in China were going, yeah, we're seeing these black and white bears and everyone's like, you guys are idiots. And like, so pandas were just considered like, nonsense until not that long ago. And then even gorillas was like 1890 or something, which is a long time ago. But that means all the way up till 1890, people were like, oh, sure, there's a giant, like human looking thing with muscles. And you're like, and now what's gonna happen is Bigfoot's gonna get discovered or killed or put in a zoo and everyone's gonna. And everyone's gonna go, oh yeah, we knew. What do you mean?

[A]

You call them crazy forever? Yeah. They're gonna gaslight you.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Are you. Where do you stand on aliens?

[B]

Oh, aliens are definitely real.

[A]

They're real. I think they're totally real.

[B]

I think they're here. I think they've been here. I think there's lots of different types of aliens.

[A]

Do you think they're okay. Cause I think if it's a real thing that people are seeing, I think it's probably demons. Like, they're not physical beings, spiritual beings. Are you. You think they're physical? Little.

[B]

I don't know much about it. No. That's the thing. My favorite thing about conspiracies is not pretending you know the answer, but just knowing that there's a possibility of it being. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know that 911 was an inside job. I just know that what they're telling us isn't true. But that doesn't mean I pretend I know what's real.

[A]

You know, who I think was behind it.

[B]

When you show me a thing and we can prove that it's not, I go, well, that's because. And then the news might have lied about that. It doesn't mean I think there's some coup or that America did it or anything. I just know that, like, some of the things they're telling us happened aren't true. That's all.

[A]

You know? I think. So we were talking about your ancestry and everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And because some people said, oh, it was the Taliban was harboring these people who. They came from Saudi Arabia, and there were 19 hijackers who. But speaking of your ancestry, no one ever talks about the French Canadians.

[B]

That's right, dude.

[A]

Ever points they were right.

[B]

Yeah, no, we know. How we know it wasn't the French Canadians?

[A]

How?

[B]

Cause that would just be us. Canada is like a woman, you know, Canada's like, keep us safe. Keep us safe. And then you're like, oh, are we together? And they're like, well, we're here today. Like, what? Canada can't keep talking about America when we've been keeping them safe forever. Yeah. How about a little gratitude?

[A]

Yeah. And you never know.

[B]

They talk so much trash about us. And I'm like, we love Canada. Yeah, we love them. We keep them safe. Like, I don't understand.

[A]

Oh, Xi Jinping. It's so nice to say. Wow. Thanks for looking at me. They just did this. It was, like, three weeks ago.

[B]

I hate it.

[A]

They're looking over at China.

[B]

Yeah. Well, like I said, It'll take us 30 minutes, and all my Canadian friends are gonna be like, dang it, we shouldn't have talked all that trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

We're going in and liberating Tim Hortons. Abortion happens fast, folks. Speaking of death, right now, in towns and cities across the country, women. That was an amazing transition. Talking about women, in your opinion,

[B]

you Said, what an amazing transition. I go, I was a little jarred by it.

[A]

This is a serious topic. Women are being pushed to make life changing decisions. In moments of fear and confusion, many of them feel trapped, like there's no real choice at all. But because of people like you, there is. At our sponsor, Preborn Network Clinics, a woman is met not with pressure or judgment, but with compassion. The kind that gives her room to breathe. She's offered a free ultrasound, the chance to see the little life growing inside her, and real support to help her say yes to life. This organization is phenomenal. I personally support it. You should give whatever you can. They fundraise for their administrative costs separately. So every dollar you give goes to saving babies. When a woman sees that baby on the ultrasound screen, it more than 80% of the time leads her to choose life. So it's a great way, It's a great ROI. This March, Preborn is hoping to save 6,800 babies. To do that, we need 124 people like you and me each day to say yes, I'm in. 28 bucks provides one ultrasound. 140 bucks helps five moms right now. Go to preborn.com use code knowles k w l e s that is preborn.com knowles or if you are more digitally inclined, like your finger digits, type in pound250. You say keyword baby however you like to do it. Preborn.comKnowles it's not just a product.

[B]

I'm a customer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you?

[A]

Yeah. When you were a little baby, you

[B]

actually get this ultrasound. They said men can have babies and I got nothing.

[A]

Listen, sir, that is actually a club sub for Jersey Mike.

[B]

This is not a baby. Jeff, you got. You don't have to keep coming in here. You're a guy. Oh so conservative.

[A]

It's fine. Here's another 28 bucks. Give me my ultra.

[B]

Didn't know my hospital was so Republican. Just Chipotle again.

[A]

Are you?

[B]

I want a baby.

[A]

Are you ready?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

For the rapid fire round.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Three questions, 30 seconds. No time to outthink each other. The score. Wow. Score right now is tied. We're both at negative one.

[B]

That means neither of us are going to Iran. Iran. Iran. What is it?

[A]

I very.

[B]

It's Iranian, but it's Iran.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's a fun, weird phonetic thing.

[A]

I change it based on how American I want to sound.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

Remember Obama really shifted was Iran Pakistan. He did that whole thing. And so then we reflexively on the right shifted to Like Iran or whatever. I go back and forth.

[B]

I'm smug about that stuff. Like. Like, when a girl will be telling a sentence about. She'll be like, oh, and my. She's like, Hispanic. And she's like, my grandma makes the. The best tortas. And you go, why did you say tortas like that? Like, she'll say just tortas in the Spanish dialect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hate that. And it's like. So I think if you're saying the whole sentence in English, you should be like, my grandmother makes the best tortoise.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But if you're saying it in sp, then definitely hit all those things.

[A]

Yeah. No, when I do, they'll yell at me sometimes on the show and say, actually, it's Pakistan or whatever. Actually, it's paella or whatever.

[B]

I speak English.

[A]

Yes. I think I go to an Italian restaurant. I'm of Italian extraction. I go to an Italian restaurant. I don't sit there and say, you know what? I would like a glass of iced tea and I would like a plate of the spaghetti a la carbonate. Yeah.

[B]

They'd be insulting.

[A]

Hey, yeah. You don't do that very. It was silly.

[B]

Yeah. What's your. Fine. Like, you don't do all the things for, like, wine, you know, that's annoying.

[A]

You can't do that.

[B]

No, I don't like it.

[A]

No. I do, though, when I go to

[B]

laundromats, his sample is better.

[A]

When I go to laundromats, I do speak the only Chinese I know.

[B]

They probably hate that.

[A]

And my grandma taught it to me when I was a little boy.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

And it is, of course, no tiki, no washi. You ever learned that when you were a kid?

[B]

I don't think it's an important Chinese at all.

[A]

Cantonese, I think it is. Okay, ready? Here we go.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Are eggs meat, Correct?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Davies once asked me during Lent. He says, I said I had eggs for breakfast on a Friday. He said, is eggs not meat? That was the direct quote.

[B]

Is eggs not meat? Really? That's a very arrogant way to ask that.

[A]

Yeah. No, they're not.

[B]

It's not fertilized, dummy.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I'm going to take that clip out and just text it to him. Is anything worth stealing worth stealing twice? Oh, you got it wrong. The answer. Oh, I got it wrong. That was your answer. Did you put your answer or my answer?

[B]

I put my answer. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You say no. Shoot. I'm wrong.

[B]

Yeah. Because I don't think people should steal anything ever. Once, twice, 20 times.

[A]

Well, yes.

[B]

Thieves are pieces of. So I initially just went to. No, I think it's the lowliest crime. I think we should cut people's hands off when they steal. Steal.

[A]

They used to do that.

[B]

They should.

[A]

You know, where else they still.

[B]

You're the scum of the earth when you steal and smart. Start small. You steal like candy and you think, oh, you know, or, oh, I'm only stealing this because it's gross. And you can teach people about ethics real easy with thief. Is it.

[A]

Is it the worst crime?

[B]

No, but it's just like this scumbaggery.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like a little rape. Just taking someone's thing. Yeah, a little rape. It is.

[A]

They call an orgasm the little.

[B]

Dad, there's feelings, but little rape, it feels so intrusive, like someone's rummaging through your things and they took your stuff and.

[A]

Yeah. And it's so grubby because they're only focused on a material good. They just want stuff.

[B]

You just take it from someone. Obviously there's levels of it, but I think it's the worst.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. All right. I might. Yeah. Sorry. Davey still wants to have a conversation. You can make time with my assistant if you want to have a meeting with me afterward. But right now I'm speaking to my friend Jeff Dye. Okay.

[B]

So can we. I love the dynamics of the place.

[A]

It's just unbelievable.

[B]

I'm trying to, like, I was really clocking the hair and makeup, the dynamic between those gals and. Oh, yeah, like, it's my favorite there.

[A]

That's the highlight of my day, dude.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

Then I get thrown in with my producer, Mr. Okay, this is a real rapid fire run. Last question. Is gatekeeping men's spaces and hobbies from women necessary to preserve them? Yeah, certainly.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You have to. It's not an. There's some people say, well, you know, and women can have their own cigar club or whatever, but I think. No, the whole point. You need. If you want to have a space just for one group, you have to exclude people. You got to say no sometimes.

[B]

Yeah. And also, I think there's nothing wrong with men's spaces. There's nothing wrong with women's spaces. That's healthy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I don't understand, like, you know, people talk about, like, men's sports. It's men's sports.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry. That's a men's space. No, they won't let us in the locker room to interview the boys. Yeah, well, this is a men's space. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. You don't go, oh, man, I can't interview the girls while they're showering. No. Well, I gotta get the best bead on Angel. Reese's seven point game. You know, it's okay to have girl things and guy things. Don't be a jerk about it.

[A]

It's fine. It's like you join the country club and it's like, look, this is a whites only space.

[B]

Sorry, that's where we get carried away. But like, men and women's spaces, like, that's just totally normal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like. Like I go to the cigar lounge by my house, and I listen to these men complain about their wives and kids, which they love. Yeah, they love their wives and kids. They just need a place to kind of go, get it off their chest. They don't mean it. They just want to go, hey, you know, my wife bought a blender that's $500. They don't really care. Yeah, but they just want a guy to go. Yeah, you know, my wife. Don't. Don't get me started. And then they go home to their wives and kids, who they love. And I imagine women are doing that also. Like, my husband's being annoying, and there's, like, some space for that. That's very healthy.

[A]

You need to. Cause otherwise. I know. I remember I was watching you do a whole bit on this, and I was like, that's so true. Where I. Little confession here. I get very sappy with my wife and kids. I'm a real softy.

[B]

You're nice.

[A]

Yeah, thank you. But you do need to be able to be like, you know, let me tell you about the old ball and chain.

[B]

Yeah, It's Sophie.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I mean, we think, like, thinking about my dog, like, he couldn't be more perfect, But I'm still like, I gotta take this thing out to. And pick it up and In a bag, you know? But, like, it doesn't mean I don't like my dog.

[A]

Same thing with kids.

[B]

And I don't want to say that in front of my dog. And I don't want to. I don't want to say it in front of your wife. I think those are comparable.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

[B]

People we love.

[A]

And the other sad thing, too. It's kind of like the monkey in the boxing match. The dog's probably not even going to notice. So you're going to feel bad. He's going to hear him talking smack about.

[B]

He can feel that energy. He goes. He's talking.

[A]

All right, you're up. Hold on. Mr. Davies wants to talk again. Please, please tell me this is the yes or no game with Mr. Davies. Please.

[B]

We only. You can hear him so. You sound like you're going crazy.

[A]

Wait, hold on. He's bringing something up about rape. Say, wait, what?

[B]

Oh, doctor, is that another ad read?

[A]

Did you rape the jury? Mr. Davies wants to know because this is his show now, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He wants to know, did you. You rape the jersey that you stole twice?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that was more of a funny gag. See, everything gets dismissed when it's a joke in my life, you know, whenever I do something, I'm like, I was playing around, you know. Yeah, that was more. That was. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. But it wasn't. It gross, you know, when I stole that jersey.

[A]

Yeah, that'd be a great game. Like when you get in the boxing ring with the monkey and you just kill the monkey and you're just like, ah, what a game.

[B]

Is this funny? What a game. All right. Could AI eventually replace standup comedians entirely? And that's. We do that one.

[A]

Ask him, is my answer.

[B]

I think. You think? I'm hoping. Yeah.

[A]

No, I cannot. It can.

[B]

Good, good, good. No, it can't.

[A]

Really. I don't even think specials could replace the actual club work of comedians because it's so interpersonal. It actually. Actually, even if you're not Don Rickles or something. Well, you do. You do crowd work. It's like the. You. Actually, the comedy does come from an interplay of the real people.

[B]

Sure, it's a dialogue, which people don't think it is, but it is also. Comedy's too tricky. You're playing with too many nuanced things mixed with, like, you're saying a thing that. Like, we don't ever do that with the Bible. Right. Like, Jesus goes, you know, forgive your enemies. And we don't go, but we don't know how he said it. You know, maybe he was like, oh, forgive your enemies. You know, like, you don't. There's too many different ways to say a thing that I don't think AI is smart enough to be able to figure out.

[A]

The other thing. It's the same reason AI can't really write a poem is to do comedy, you have to create a fresh image in people's minds. Like, not a dead metaphor, not a cliche. It has to startle people by its incongruity or its absurdity or something like that. So it has to be a sincerely new metaphor a lot of the time. And AI actually can't do that because An AI is only trained on language that exists. So dead metaphors. And it has no sensory experience, so it can't really make those new connections.

[B]

It would have to steal some stuff that's already out there. That's all. AI is a big search engine.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It just is. Like, it's accumulating all the things that are already out there and then searching it. Right.

[A]

And a rapist.

[B]

It's a thief and a rapist. Yeah. Okay, there's a bunch of stuff on here. Do I keep asking ones on here? Okay. Is podcasting just therapy for men who won't go to therapy? What do I think you'll say

[A]

you got it wrong. It's not as close. Confession is therapy for men who won't go to therapy. And it's good. I highly recommend confession, but no. You know what's even sadder? Podcasting is it's often a social life for men who increasingly don't have social lives. Sure, women still, to some degree, which is weird because women don't have deep friendships and men do. But women still do social things. They go out and see people, whereas men increasingly do not. And I mean this both for the podcaster and the podcastee, people who listen to them. But at least every white man in America now legally has to have a podcast. So they're actually the same group of people. Yeah. And they. So it's this. It is social in a certain sense, but it's kind of one step removed. It's almost parasocial. It's not. So you replace your. Like, you'd go hang out with the guys, you go to the cigar club, whatever you replace it with, like, I feel like I am friends with a lot of people because I listen to their podcasts often. I haven't even met them.

[B]

I've speak to them. Right. I think therapy. I think podcasting, at least my podcast, is therapy for sure for me. Because to steal from the great Jordan Peterson to talk is to think.

[A]

Do you do a Jordan Peterson impression?

[B]

No. But I respect him too much. I actually get mad when people do an impression. Yeah. Because I like him so much that I got stopped making him sound. It'd be like, I just love him too much to receive any good impression of him. I don't have a good sense of humor, you know, so that's all it is. Those impressions are hilarious. And he does kind of sound like Kermit and all that. But it'd be like, if I will

[A]

find it, there's no connection.

[B]

Yeah. But it'd be like if I'm like, hey, check out this impression of your wife. And you'd go, hey, Jeff, that's not really funny to me. I love my wife. That's how I feel about Jordan Peterson. I'm like, yeah, I get it, but knock it off. The guy changed my life. But Jordan talks about. I don't know if it's even his idea, but he says that, you know, we're going around thinking, we're thinking all day, but we're not really thinking. We're kind of going through, like, mental habits. You're just kind of going through about your day. But when you podcast or when you talk to a good friend or when you talk to someone, you're forced to articulate all of your ideas and thoughts and ideas. And that is therapy. Having to put it into the words to explain or defend your position or justify your idea or justify your moral stance on something. And that is therapy, because now you're like, wow. Like, some things that you think are normal, once you articulate, you realize are absurd.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like my therapist, we're talking about the 90s. And I'm like, can you believe we were just pantsing people? You know, Like, I've never really thought about it. It was just like, yeah, you pants people. But when you really had to explain what it was, where you're like, yeah, you'd wait for your friend who trusts you to be, like, holding a tray of food or something, and then you would just pants him. Him in front of the whole school. Yeah. Which is a trauma for sure. And. And then if he told on you, you'd act incredulous, like, oh, God, here we go. All we did was pull his pants and underwear down in front of the whole school. And now he told on us. We're going to have to beat the out of that guy. He snitched on us for the crimes we did to him. And then now your friend starts wearing his sister's eyeliner to school. He gets really into the cure, you know, and he starts working at GameStop for 30 years, all because you and your buddies wanted to. It's insane. Once you have to say it, then it becomes. You realize the gravity of all these things. Yeah. You know, like, explain why you feel this way about your daughter or something. And when they have to, like, really say it, they're really thinking about it, and that's why they get choked up. Or that's why. So I think to speak is to truly think, and that's what therapy's supposed to be.

[A]

Yeah, it's. But it's not like philosophy. It's like a kind of introspective social thinking.

[B]

And that's why young people. When you see these man on the street things, we might dismiss these things on Daily Wire or any of these things. When some guy goes and asks a college kid to be like, you know, and those are kind of fun. Gotcha. Reels like, look, this kid's an idiot. But it's because that young person has probably never had to really explain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How or why they think the thing they do. And so it's really healthy to make them do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because then they're going, damn it. Like, I've never. I don't know. I'm just. I'm working on feelings. It feels right to defend these marginalized groups, or it feels right to defend trans people. But when I really have to put it into words, the logic isn't there. No, that's great. And the. The. All that stuff isn't there. So, like, the feelings are good. I'm glad these kids have all these great feelings because the heart is good. But now we're forcing them to use the brain, you know? Yeah.

[A]

No, because the question clearly meant to deride podcasting by comparing it to therapy, but you actually made it seem good by comparing it to therapy.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's healthy. Yeah.

[A]

And even it reminds me, when I was a freshman in college, I was talking to my roommate, and we were talking about politics, what we were thinking about. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm on the right side because I think this and that. And why is this good? Well, because I think this. And why is this good? Because it leads to this. And finally we got down to. I said, well, because, you know, it's about liberal. And my roommate asked me this question that floored me. He goes, well, why is liberty good? And I got really angry. I said, what are you. Are you.

[B]

You're being obtuse.

[A]

That's actually a good question. Why is liberty? I had never. I was at that time a libertarian. I had never even considered why liberty is good.

[B]

Yeah. I can go a step further. Having to explain. If you just start going, why, why, why? Having to explain why it would be immoral for someone to be attracted to young people or children or animals or something, trying to defend that position of why that is immoral, which we all think is absurd. You would never even have to do that. But by having to explain why it is, obviously I'm correct. You shouldn't be hooking up with animals and children and things or Minors, especially

[A]

young animals, that's like the worst of them.

[B]

But by explaining it, I did get this overwhelming sense of compassion for people who might struggle with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now the feelings got involved where I'm like, man, I can't imagine being in a position where you're so. Where you're conflicted with these attractions to things that are immoral and unjust. And I think that's where conservatives struggle. I'm a conservative and I struggle with. I'm so right about a lot of these issues because I've brain busted the words and the articulating and the defending and the arguing, but I haven't been very nice about it because I'm so. It's liberty stupid. But then that forces you to go, okay, you know, this is a fair question and I need to work on my heart about this. Like, I'm being a little hard on these trans people and I should be more sensitive. And then they're gonna hear it because I've got all the facts.

[A]

No, it's so right. It's very easy to be nice to Mother Teresa.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It's actually hard to be nice to the guy in prison or the thief or whatever. And then you think, well, the grimiest, most wicked type of criminal is a pedo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you think, well, hold on, but aren't I supposed to at least be somewhat gracious in. In how I think about things, even as I'm trying to explain something profoundly evil like. Cause, you know, you can convince people as to why it's bestiality or something like this, but then when you have to explain to someone, a brother and a sister, they're both 65 years old, well past childbearing age, they want to have an incestuous relationship. Is that wrong?

[B]

Right, it is.

[A]

But why is it wrong that you

[B]

have to defend it? That's what I'm saying. Right. You have to explain why that's.

[A]

And you can't. Based on how most people think about it, the reason they think it's wrong to sleep with animals or children or something is because. Well, there's no consent. But in the case of the 65 year old siblings who want to be freaky, they can consent.

[B]

What if the animal is entering the person? That's consent.

[A]

Yeah. That's an image in my mind now that I did not fully expect.

[B]

Because you could say that's two. That. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? But these are the kind of conversations, right. You have to like, really defend your

[A]

play about it, or no, maybe the

[B]

one thing that I think with like what you just reminded me of while we were talking about it is that like, you know, like racists. Like racist people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There are very evil racist people. Or they're not evil, but they're the racist people. And we're taught, and we're teaching young people to just hate them. Yeah, they're the worst. And that's the worst thing you can be.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Or to be nice and teach them that being racist is ignorant and stupid. Yeah, yeah. Where's your compassion for these people?

[A]

Yeah. And called for only in certain circumstances.

[B]

Let's reform them. Let's make them not racists. Let's not just go beat them up. And that's just probably gonna make them a little more racist. So I think that you have to have all angles of those things.

[A]

Like you can say, be like, look, racists are very, very. Yeah, they're not as bad as gypsies, you know. Okay, all right, you get it.

[B]

All right, there's one more.

[A]

One more. Okay.

[B]

Generally speaking is a relationship between a 37 year old woman and a 24 year old TikToker. Too large of an age gap. And I have to think what you would say.

[A]

Hmm.

[B]

And this started with generally speaking, by the way.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

Ooh. It is called. It is.

[A]

But only because he's 24 and she's 37. Like if he were 54 and she were 67, it wouldn't matter. But because he would. Ostensibly the point of the relationship is to get married if you're a 24 year old guy. And probably the point of getting married is to have kids. And, and if you get married, let's say they get married 38, 39, the odds of having kids are very, very low. And so you would be subverting the very purpose of the marriage. And so the relationship would be pointless.

[B]

Yeah, but do we need to be making more tiktokers? You know this kid.

[A]

That's a good point.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This says of an age gap for what though? For a healthy relationship, for a nice family? Who knows? Who knows, Knows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

No, you're right. That's a good way to take the tiktokers out of the bloodline.

[B]

Yeah. And also it's like, it's like for what? I don't know. Like people date all the time. I'll see some old guy with some young chick and I roll my eyes. But if they're happy. Yeah, right. But if you see an old lady with some young guy, everyone be like, you Go girl. Look at her. She got so. It's like, who cares?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I.

[B]

But I got that, right? So you're going, right?

[A]

Okay. This is rough. I have one chance to redeem myself before we get to that though. You watch the show, you love the show.

[B]

You know, you need unique New York.

[A]

Well, you can get your hands on the game. The yes or no game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here it is. Best selling, most important game with the Daily Wire, only [e-mail] shop. It's simple, it's addictive. It will tell you exactly how well you really know the people in your life. Hundreds of cards, up to nine players, no liberal nonsense. Plus you can add on to the fun with the conspiracy expansion pack with the politics, religion and philosophy expansion pack with all the expansion packs. Whether you are testing your family at dinner or settling debates with friends, yes or no delivers the goods. Get a special deal on the game right now. For a limited time, go to dealerwire.com shop and order the yes or no game today. Are you ready for the final round? This prompt, this prompt. Wait. You see, we change the lights. The prompt will be read, we will both lock in our answers and then we will move our glasses to yes or no to see if we can read the other person's mind. The round is worth double points. It could change everything. The score right now, we're tied at zero. Yeah. This was all pointless. Yeah, so we put the glasses. So here, I'll put mine on.

[B]

Nose crap, all under it.

[A]

Yeah, you. Yeah, you put yours on. No, you put yours on. Die.

[B]

Oh, die.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna read the prompt, you lock in your answer and then you move my glass to where you think I would go.

[B]

You got it?

[A]

Here's a video prompt.

[B]

Okay. Today's the day. I spent the last two years studying every post, every video, monitoring likes, engagements, who's being rewarded and who's being followed. We're going to order one bottle of champagne. Called my agent got the okay. They said they don't love it, but they understand. They've already had other clients drop something similar. It is for a celebration. So if you have sparklers too, that'd be good. Benefits of supporting Israel are a relic of the past. And today it is I who will drop my pro Palestine Post one flag, no words. Simple, elegant. Some even might say courageous. Who the is Venezuela

[A]

Post, October 7. Is this the most difficult time in history for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

[B]

This is the most difficult time.

[A]

Yeah, everyone talks about, oh, this is bad for the Jews. Oh, this is bad for the Palestinians. What about the people in show business? Is this the most difficult time for people in entertainment to take a clear political stance?

[B]

I put what I think you'll say.

[A]

No, you put what you think I

[B]

put what I think.

[A]

Yeah. The. Okay, and now we move the glasses to where you think the other person would go.

[B]

We might be tied again.

[A]

We both lost.

[B]

It was both or we both won. It is.

[A]

I was gonna say the harder time was in communism when all the Hollywood people were communists.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You know, the Committee on American activities and McCarthyism and all. But there it was easy. They all pretended not to be communists. They were communists.

[B]

Right.

[A]

This one is hard because you go, you've got to find a guy on the right, a guy on the left, a Democrat, a Republican, whatever. You don't really know. Especially with young people, you really don't know what they think about Israel, Palestine. You just have no idea.

[B]

Yeah. And also, they're all like. They're all liars. That's how Hollywood works. They're actors. They'll say whatever they think that they will get cheers for.

[A]

But what are they gonna get?

[B]

Cheers, dice. And then like, aha. So then they go, oh, I know to say that one. You know, And I know to say this one. And they learn all those things. Cause they're these little like Nightcrawler. Shape shift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the truth is, I can't tell you how many Hollywood actors I've met, very famous, all the way down to like D list reality stars who are liberal this, liberal that. And then they get me and they go, hey, you know, actually they're all closeted conservatives.

[A]

The thing with the left right now is some of the power players, some of the elite libs, are still pro Israel. The whole bait, the whole group of young people, and many of the eccentric people are pro Palestine. On the right, the boomers, very, very pro Israel. Except some of the boomers, the old paleo cons, don't really like Israel. And then you get to the young people, and it depends how edgy and online they are. Most of them probably anti Israel. Some of them still like Young Republican club, red tie, pro Israel. So you're doing a show, let's say you're doing a show for. It's a split house. You got some libs there, maybe you got a lot of conservatives there, and you need to make a joke.

[B]

Yeah, I just go for the joke. Whatever it is. Yeah. No matter what. Those are the rules. But I think why I'm having success is because I don't talk about things that are that complex. I'm kind of your everyday man as far as just in general. Not by design. It's just who I am. Like, I am. I. You'll never hear a joke from me about Israel, Palestine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But because, I don't know, it's very complex. I can find 10 reasons on this side why these people can justify their behavior. I can find 10 people or 10 reasons on this side. And so for me, it makes it very tough to. To make a joke. But you don't have to be a genius to go, that guy shouldn't be swimming with those girls.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, and so that's kind of an obvious one. And then people hear my comedy and go, oh, yeah, like, because. Because I'm a simple dude. It doesn't take much to go. Yeah.

[A]

Seinfeld, in the early part of the Trump era, he famously said he was asked why he doesn't do jokes about Trump. And he said he's like, I don't want to do jokes about Trump. I want to do jokes about strawberries.

[B]

Right. It makes total sense. Yeah. I think the Israel, Palestine thing also, furthermore, is like really helping politics in a way because it's forcing people to kind of get out of their tribes. All these Jewish people who thought they were liberals for so long are now going, oh, this is interesting. This is how people think.

[A]

Be like, these libs hate Jews, but also some of these conservatives hate Jews. I need to move to Iran after. Yeah. Because maybe now it'll be a.

[B]

And it's the first time they've ever been like, maybe I'm not a Democrat. Yeah. Ever in their entire lives. And I, like, the only argument I've ever heard against that was my buddy Alex, who's a very funny comedian. He said, he goes, well, antisemitism has been on both sides forever. And I'm like, what a great excuse to just to stay tribal, you know? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It reminds me of. Cause like Norm would do, he would do, he would tackle political issues, but it was always in the craziest way. So he, instead of just kind of making a little bit of a joke about Jews or Palestinians or whatever, he would just do a 15 minute bit needling someone on like a Holocaust denier. And it would just. You'd go so far.

[B]

Well, that's how my show is. Like, I'm talking about, everything's political now. So, like it's, you know, essentially 100% of my act is political, but I just think it's better to go after things that aren't as complex as that. I mean, if you want to really, like, do you remember during COVID when, like, people are, like, in the stores, like, in early Covid? Yeah. And you'd have, like, you know, the liberal ladies wearing, like, a space suit while she's at Whole Foods. And then you had, like, a guy like my dad who's just like, no mask.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, I'm not doing it.

[A]

Eating Pangolin.

[B]

And he's like, spitting, and he's like, this is all a scam. And, you know, like. And you're listening to the spacesuit lady go, you gotta wear your mask. And the guy like, my dad's like, I'm not doing it, boy. And she's like, girl. And they're arguing or whatever. And I remember thinking when I'd see those videos on the Internet or see it happen in real life, that I'm like, this psycho. I don't agree with her. And this psycho. I don't agree with him, is like, can we both just work this out? We're going through something together. Can we both just figure this out? And that's how I think about Israel and Power, Palestine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can we just figure this out? What, a thousand more years of this warring crap?

[A]

Yeah. It's like, no, I think similarly with COVID I think, like, can't we just inflict a bioweapon on the entire region and then we don't have to worry

[B]

about it anymore, you know?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Okay, last one, last one, final question. Cue the lights. If you had to repeal one amendment in the hopes of a greater flourishing and civilization, safety for people in America, would it be the 19th amendment? Now, if we could just get a quick refresher on the 19th Amendment, you know, for the audience, not for Jeff. Jeff knows lots of stuff. Yeah, yeah, Very good. Very smart guy.

[A]

I once actually.

[B]

The right to bear arms. Everyone knows that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we all know the 16th, 17th, 18th.

[B]

And just. Just for refresh.

[A]

So, people, I had this debate with a major politician, and it was. People always go for women voting, but it was an implicit debate because we were talking about all sorts of different amendments. There's. How many of them? Something like 26.

[B]

That's what I heard.

[A]

Somewhere around there, maybe. Yeah, okay. I already told him what the 19th. This guy doesn't understand. Can we please get a new producer to this show? He tells. He goes, you should tell Jeff what the 19th Amendment is. He said, I just very graciously did that.

[B]

Women's suffrage.

[A]

Yes, I just. You see how I did that?

[B]

These broads voting on stuff that they don't even wanna.

[A]

And then he says, tell them it's women voting.

[B]

No, let us vote. Let us vote. But we refuse to go to battle. Yeah, let us vote. Let us vote. But I don't want to plot or be a construction worker or do any of what the real workforce is.

[A]

I like the verb plumb. Like one who goes, a plumbing.

[B]

Yeah, I'm a plumb guy.

[A]

I'm a plumber. You need plumbing, I'm a plumb man. Okay, so I give my answer. And now what would you say I wrote?

[B]

Yes,

[A]

You gotta move where mine would go.

[B]

This is tricky.

[A]

You got it wrong.

[B]

And I move it to Tehran, baby.

[A]

Yeah. No, it wouldn't. It would be the 14th amendment. The 14th amendment, which is. It'll get me in trouble. Because that's like equal protection and all this stuff. And they're gonna call me racist also. Cause of the whole rest of our show.

[B]

Yeah, they'll kill you. Cause Charlie Kirk said something about civil rights and nobody refused. Yeah, nobody ever listens to the second sentence of his argument.

[A]

Yeah, that was all going around. They called him a racist for completely innocuous. It's just so insane. But no, the 14th amendment's really bad because it basically just blows up the whole Constitution and it actually changes the structure of the Constitution and then it lets these libs do whatever they want. So, like, we're gonna redefine marriage and we're gonna, you know, execute the president because of the penumbras and the shadows of the 14th Amendment. Equal protection, substantive due process.

[B]

But let's talk about the 19th.

[A]

Yeah, that would be the second one we repeal.

[B]

But the first one would be the 14th. Yeah.

[A]

So maybe it's 17th.

[B]

Did it say first?

[A]

Yeah. Is that if there were one. That's crazy. So the final score. Because of that last. We were tied until the last. Yeah, because of that, the final score is zero. Me to negative four.

[B]

Negative four.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I would say it'd probably just be zero, zero. Isn't that how scores work?

[A]

Yeah, you would. So you. All I'm saying is when you move to Iran.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm going to. I'm going to teach you one little phrase that you're going to have to use around the. I assume you don't speak Farsi.

[B]

No.

[A]

No. Write this one down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No ticky, no washing.

[B]

Yeah, there it is.

[A]

Be sure to check out Jeff's new podcast, Die Hard with Jeff Dye, available now on YouTube. Also, from dating disasters to brutally honest takes on modern life, you do not want to miss Jeff Dye's tour happening right now. Fast. Fearless. Just a little bit inappropriate. You are going to want to see this live. Get your tickets now. I already said it. Did you buy them already? Get them now while they last. Jeff dye.com. we don't have a teaser from his current tour. It's too fresh, it's too real. But here is a clip from the last cowboy in LA to give you a taste of what you will miss if you don't grab your tickets right now.

[B]

I hit rock bottom in Hollywood, California. That is a bad place for rock bottom because everyone is mean to you there in Hollywood. Everyone. My entire career, everybody in Hollywood's been like, you're not even famous. I've never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not even famous. You're not famous. I have never heard of you. You're not famous. You're not even famous. Right? And then I have one bad day and it's like, famous comedian crash his car fights.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

$30 is a lot for a smoothie. Yes, yes. Also, I, I, if I'm honest, I actually like trans women better than I like regular women. I do. Have you ever talked to a trans woman? They're great. They're like dudes. Just raw dog in life, you know? Goo goo. You don't know. Google Goo goo dogs. Google goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo dogs. This is brave, what I'm doing right now. Hit him with the poetry. Like, no, not. I like her. She likes naughty words. You know what I mean? Probably not a smart subject to do on my first special, but, you know, to start, it cancels. I like to start at cancer.

[A]

All right, I will. First of all, Jeff, thank you for coming.

[B]

Thank you, man. You're the best.

[A]

This was excellent.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I'll see you on the next episode of yes or no. Early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the the day of end action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings, $141. Select homes only.