← The Midnight Library
The Midnight Library
S5 Ep5: Bloody Mackenzie and Greyfriar's Kirkyard - A Tombstone Tale
Loading summary
Transcript19 lines
- [00:00]
Advertiser
You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com kidsandfamily just go to Indeed.com kidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.
- [00:57]
Miranda Merrick
The following is intended for bizarre audiences only. Welcome to the Midnight Library.
- [01:20]
Mr. Darling
Madam. A box of mysterious food has arrived. It does smell intriguing.
- [01:29]
Miranda Merrick
Oh, they're cupcakes, Mr. Darling. With frosting. Shaped like babies. Or perhaps piglets. Who sent them?
- [01:37]
Mr. Darling
They're an anonymous gift, madam, found on o veranda with a note saying for us to enjoy with care. Which sounds like a vague but smug threat to me.
- [01:49]
Miranda Merrick
Nonsense, Darling. Who would want to harm us?
- [01:54]
Mr. Darling
Everyone, madam.
- [01:55]
Miranda Merrick
Oh, right. Well, test if they're toxic by trying them out on the demons first.
- [02:03]
Mr. Darling
Demons thrive on poison, Madam.
- [02:07]
Miranda Merrick
Hospitality tray. Yes, yes, I know it's an odd request. Just take them off, please, and leave them in the hallway. Now, I'll just slip past you. Please. There we are. Hello. My dear guests, this will only take a moment. I know that our plea for you to leave your shoes in the east hallway is strange, but it's a firm precondition you must acquiesce to before you are permitted to enter the reading room this evening. A necessary evil, if you will. Please don't be self conscious. We're not shoe thieves or foot weirdos. We're weirdos, but not foot weirdos. Just take them off, please. There we go. What lovely stockings, Mr. Dale. What's that? You made them yourself? Oh, very fetching. Embroidered wildebeests on them. I'm sorry? Oh, that's your grandmother. Oh, I am sorry. The lighting in here is angled for. For reading. Welcome to the Midnight Library, everyone. I am your hard hearted host, Miranda Merrick. Thank you. Dear guests, I do apologize again for insisting that you remove your shoes this evening. Please let me explain. We have it on good authority that most of you entered the property by walking through our western graveyard tonight. And many of the graves there are currently being Re leveled due to tremors or little earthquakes on the property. Something to do with ley lines or fault lines or something. Anyway, you may have noticed several of the ladies from the League of Lady Gravediggers resting on the veranda after a long day's work. Just making everything peaceful and level and reverent. Again. The dirt from these particular graves is especially dirty. I mean, it has a fine silt or clay or something as its primary component that makes it exceptionally difficult to get out of densely woven Persian carpets such as ours here in the reading room. And I should like to squelch any rumors that these graves belong to half witches, the evil dead and ungrateful hex recipients, or that there's been a huge uprising of these dead over Halloween for a hellish ritual. And that the dirt has been stolen. No, imported from Scotland and is sacred or consecrated with the blood of demons and has great value to us for future ritualistic use. How ridiculous. None of that's true. And no, there are no new graves. Not close to the library anyway. Just the same old, same old dead just lying around. Same as always. Nothing special. Well, I mean, you know, they're all very special, of course. I'm just saying. Let's change the subject. Oh, there are some yummy cupcakes on the hospitality tray this evening. Be sure to try some of those. Go on. Tonight I have selected for you a so called tombstone tale about George Mackenzie from one of the most famous and famously haunted graveyards in in the world, Greyfriars Kirkyard in Edinburgh, Scotland. Please get snuggled in and we'll meet Mr. MacKenzie and go trundling through what makes this graveyard one of the most bone chilling resting places to be found. If the term kirkyard is unfamiliar to you, it's only because you, like most people, are relatively young and would not have been alive when the term originally meant churchyard. Even Today, short of 500 years later, the aged church is referred to as Greyfriars Kirk and the surrounding burial ground as the Kirk Yard. But what makes this such a wondrous place is the denotation that it has the reputation of being one of the most haunted graveyards in the world. Isn't it strange how much we, the living, long to be in the company of the dead? Well then, isn't it very convenient that Greyfriars Kirkyard has over 100,000 resting and restless souls? Funerary home to priests, paupers and poets, the baroque style burial ground features worn and weathered headstones, blackened stony mausoleums and crumbly old mortse strange old statues and ghoulish engravings, as well as troublesome spirits, perhaps thousands of nameless skeletons, plague pits, one famous dog and a few tenuous connections to the potterverse. Sounds a bit like the midnight library. Grey Friars, so named because of the friars or brethren of the Catholic Church who wore only grey robes, was a cemetery first beginning in 1560. The Church of the same name began being built in 1602. The heavy old stones used in its construction came from an abandoned convent, which sounds delightful in itself. The new church, made of old stones, later opened to the public on Christmas Day in 1620. The churchyard by then was already a popular destination's end for many dead. By nature, most churchyards or graveyards are relatively quiet, uneventful places of eerie reverence. But not Grey Friars, with its many hauntings, martyred dead, a fire, body snatchers and an explosion in its past, and the footfalls of thousands of historians and taphophiles and tourists currently moving through, has one of the most lively reputations around. It was even used as a makeshift prison at one point. The graveyard, not the church. Imprisoned in a graveyard. How wonderful does that sound? Only in this case, not so much. Now, let's begin there. Apparently, one of the most noisome spirits to be encountered in the centuries old cemetery is that of Lord Advocate George Mackenzie. His body has been encased within what is referred to as the Black Mausoleum since his death in 1691. But his spirit is said to torment many a living visitor to the graveyard. It's a hobby of his he picked up whilst he was still alive, earning him the name Bloody Mackenzie. But the inevitable return of his miserable soul was strangely predicted in a book in 1879. More on this shortly. But from what the history books portray, it seems as though after his death, Mackenzie was graciously interred in a lavishly appointed stone tomb in Greyfriars Kirkyard, in very close proximity to where earlier he. His victims were trapped, starved, tortured, murdered and carelessly buried also. Oh, dear, dear, dear. I see the problem here. One should never be buried with those one has done away with. What A rookie mistake. Everyone here knows not to do this. Right, you're just staring. Well, write it down. Let's see how this happened. Briefly. The 1600s in Scotland and all of Europe were a religiously tumultuous time. There were Protestants against Catholics and a Scottish king determined to take control of the church. In 1679, a group of militant Presbyterians called the Covenanters, who rose up against the king and engaged in an actual field battle. With knights and soldiers on horseback, the Covenanters suffered an overwhelming defeat at the hands of the King's army. And George Mackenzie was was put in charge of the 1200 battle beaten survivors who didn't survive for very long. Those whom Mackenzie couldn't keep in an already overcrowded prison system were herded up and driven into Greyfriars churchyard, which became then a kind of makeshift jail. There the captured so soldiers were forcibly kept within the stony confining walls and locked wrought iron gates of the cemetery. With little food or no shelter or much of any provisions of any kind really, they were kept on the open ground amongst the dead in their graves just below their feet. They were starved and viciously tortured by guards and by Mackenzie himself in an attempt to force them to swear allegiance to king they had just fought against, which understandably some did. By the end of winter, just four months later, most of the men had died and most of those who had survived Mackenzie had hanged. One account of the Slough Massacre states that the deceased's heads were removed and placed atop the cemetery walls, all totaled. George Mackenzie is thought to have been responsible for more than 18,000 deaths. Bloody Mackenzie indeed. The plot of land in the graveyard where the war prisoners were kept is called the Covenanters Prison. Still to this day it is mostly unchanged from the days the dying stood there waiting on death amidst the already dead. And you can visit and see it advisedly during daylight because Mackenzie's large and stately domed tomb was broken into in 1998, with some reports stating that the vandal, once inside, fell through the old metal and wooden floor of the tomb and crash down into a pit of jumbled bare boned plague victims. And ever since then there have been literally hundreds and hundreds of spectral visions, physical attacks and home hauntings attributed to what is now known as Mackenzie's poltergeist. And as I mentioned before, this event seems to have been predicted by none other than Robert Louis Stevenson. In 1879, Stevenson giving his assessment of Mackenzie's wickedness. When a man's soul is certainly in hell, his body will scarce lie quiet in the tomb, however costly. Sometime or other the door must open and the reprobate come forth in the abhorred garments of the grave. Excellent to most. This break in and disturbance of the corpse alone would seem to be enough to rouse the tortuous spirit and maybe others from their slumber. But to make matters worse, in 2003 the most disturbing act was visited upon Mackenzie's crypt corpse when two teenage boys broke into the tomb of the dead sadist. Then they broke into his casket and cut off his head. Then they brought the head out into the cemetery and kicked it about playing football with it. I'll just point out here that this type of activity is illegal and not advised for laypersons and all types of grave matters should be left to professionals. In any case, since these trespasses into the tomb, many a hapless visitor to the age old cemetery has claimed that they saw a rising white figure of a man or were followed by a pale male apparition that they felt certain was George Bloody Mackenzie. There have been physical attacks in the graveyard as those in proximity of Mackenzie's black mausoleum have suffered, being put pushed down by unseen hands. Some feeling the assaults and strikes as they hurried out of the cemetery, only to discover later they had sustained scratches and bite marks and cuts and bruises, even finding fresh burn marks upon their flesh. Perhaps the most unsettling ability of Mackenzie's point poltergeist is that it is believed to be able to choose to attach itself to any visitor it wants and travel home with them, causing further physical attacks and nightmarish disturbances in their home. I have a long dead grandmother who get. Never mind that there have been so many reported disturbing happenings over the years that two exorcisms have been held in the area of Covenanters prison to try to drive the violent spirit back to its resting place. Both failed, with one of the exorcists reporting he felt so much stress and overwhelming presence of evil during his time in the cemetery. Well, he dropped dead of a heart attack two weeks later. Bloody Mackenzie's black mausoleum is now only accessible up close by way of a registered tour guide. In daylight mostly. Now, about those grave professionals. Tonight's reading in the Midnight library is covertly brought to you by the League of Lady Gravediggers. Once to Greyfriars Kirkyard you could go if you had up and died. But all this ended long ago. Your chance to get inside the necropolis to you is closed. Your dead carcass turned away before your corpse has decomposed. Let us offer another way. The gravedigging ladies reject the rules that bar you from a plot. The League of Ladies are the ghouls who will steal you a place to rot. They'll sneak inside, dig up and eject some old cadaver from their pit, then toss you in with great respect and make it look legit. The ladies regret they can't guarantee the length of your Greyfriars stay. Cause someone always wants to be in the Spot where your bones lay. The League of Ladies will return one eve and dig up your bones from the ground, twang your carcass up into a tree until some other grave is found. The League of Lady Gravediggers would like to thank Sherwood's Sharpening service for keeping their shovels razor sharp and able to slice right through roots, rocks, vines and the occasional bone. If you are in need of the shifty services of the League of Lady great diggers, call 976 ditch witches. Speaking of grave robbing, is it still robbing if you put a different body back? Oh, well, being the dark and compelling type yourself, you probably already know that grave robbing and body snatching, the theft of a newly dead person was rampant and an extremely lucrative type of employment in the 18th and 19th centuries. The men who dared to do this dastardly work had an alternative title, the rather sassy sounding Resurrectionist or Resurrection Men, because it was their unlawful job to upraise the freshly dead bodies, then steal and deliver them to their earnest paying customers, which were doctors, anatomists and medical students and not strange supernatural beings seeking to reanimate, dismember or utilize the bodies or their components for nefarious forbidden rituals and sacred rites of passage. Because that never happens. No, These medical professionals were ironically trying to learn from the dissection and study of the robbed remains with the humane goal in mind of healing and keeping healthy the living so they could delay becoming a copy of the corpse lying in front of them. And while this objective was something everyone wanted, the recently bereaved weren't keen on having their deceased loved one yanked up out of the expensive grave they've just paid for and then systematically cut up and experimented on. Many at this time believed in order to ascend to heaven, that the human body should be kept kept whole. In other words, if you died and were stolen and parsed up and pickled and then your spirit showed up at the pearly gates in the afterlife, without these parts, they wouldn't let you in. No heart, no heaven go away. Which seems pretty petty for a group bent on forgiveness, if you ask me. Anyway, thus was invented the mortsafe, an extremely heavy iron and or concrete cover for a new grave. These corpse protecting devices were often rented to the deceased's family until the body had decayed and putrefied to the point that no one would want it. Maybe they meant almost no one. A mort safe did just what it says. It kept a dead mortal safe. And Greyfriars Kirkyard has still in Place a variety of these nearly perfectly purposed ghoul proof devices. There are grave cages, sets of thick iron bars welded to make a large cage that was set deep into the perimeter of the grave. Some have concrete or stone as part of their design with engravings upon the stone. Some are simply giant slabs of stone that cover the grave entirely and were never meant to be removed. And are there to be a kind of eternal type of protection for the dead inside. There are even mausoleum style tombs and Grey Friars that have mortse features built right into them. They are a stone chamber reinforced with iron bars on their tops and entrances. Some were padlocked to keep the terrible tomb raiders at bay. Grave robbing was a serious problem back then, with watchmen hired to watch and guard new graves at night. Greyfriars Kirk even has windows where night watchmen could see the graveyard. Fights even broke out between the graverobbers over who had arrived first at the new grave and who had dibs on the crisp new corpse. Some clever cadaver thieves even dug 20ft away from the mortsafe protected grave, tunneled down and swiped the body without anyone ever knowing it had even been stolen. But all of these unholy hijinks ended with the implement of the anatomy act of 1832. It allowed medical field professionals the option of taking possession of an unclaimed body or to accept donated bodies from the deceased families. In any case, I highly recommend that you view the images of Grey Friars mortsafes. Now, let's see about some of the unnamed skeletons, shall we? During my opening statement to you, dear guests, I recited some basic facts and numbers regarding those entombed within the walls of the kirkyard. And it is true that when you consult the records as to how many people are buried there, you find that 100,000 figure I stated. However, there seems to be a discrepancy, or pardon the pun, gray area regarding the true number of dead in Grey Friars. Because when you examine the records under this broader phrasing, the number can grow to double and a half again as high as perhaps 250,000. These anonymous and uncountable souls are thought to be an overflow of corpses hauled in by the wagon load from the impulse, possibly full St Giles Cathedral graveyard in the mid to late 16th century. Plus the thousands of persecuted and war dead covenanters, along with many thousands of plague victims apparently buried in vast heaps in pits or even a corpse, or a few pitched into a muddy hollow without a grave mark. I was surprised to read that it wasn't uncommon during Queen Mary's troubled reign for many lords of the royal court to be buried in the cemetery in unmarked graves to be buried without care and forgotten. No wonder there are so many disgruntled ghosts about. Let's take a moment to offer a service that will ensure that you and your funeral will never be forgotten. Tonight's reading in the Midnight Library is brought to you by Father Philbrook's Funerary Secret Service, where your true afterlife wishes are guaranteed. Why should the fun end just because your life has For a nominal fee, Father Philbrook can make your funeral the supernatural spectacle it should be with three fabulous funeral services. Basic service includes a mysterious mourner, impeccably dressed in the finest ebony attire, who will weep incessantly during your open casket gathering. Upgraded service includes the addition of an infant, also in black attire, carried by the adult mourner. The infant will also cry incessantly during your open casket gathering. And the ultimate service comes complete with both the adult and infant mourners who will also attend your graveside service, plus three enormous jet black ravens that will alight upon your clothes casket and peck vehemently on your casket lid whilst squawking loudly and continually. The crying infant, adult mourner and ravens are guaranteed to drown out any eulogizer. Any attempts to shoo the ravens away will result in those persons being pecked and bitten by the ravens. For an additional fee, the infant can be made to bite all. Call today and arrange a funeral they'll never forget. Call Father Philbrook's funerary secret service at 666. Last laugh. That's 666. L a s t l a f Now, let's momentarily make known two dramatic happenings in Greyfriars Kirkyard, shall we? You know, for a sacred patch of land, it doesn't seem like the church was spared from any hellish happenings by any merciful God anyway. In the early 1700s, the Edinburgh town Council had the idea to store the town's stocks of gunpowder inside the kirk, or church's tower, and on May 17, 1718, the gunpowder somehow ignited, resulting in a huge explosion that blew the tower up and obliterated the west end of the church. Then in 1845, a blazing fire damaged the old rebuilt church when a boiler overheated and the escaping flames spread and gutted the innards of the church afterward. In the second rebuilding, the Reverend Robert Lee took the initiative to have the first set of large scale stained glass windows installed in the much tortured Greyfriars Kirk. They are still there today. So I'm sure by now the ravenous readers and movie fans among you are no doubt wanting to hear of Greyfriars creepy connections to a few of the Harry Potter inspired characters, or at least the original names of the characters who are often hunted by rabid fans in the graveyard. It is thought that the author of the fine books strolled the sprawling cemetery gathering names, ideas, lore and a great deal of inky inspiration for her popular publications. First, we have the unassuming, mundane surname of the wizard and his family. The Potter name is featured within a group of names on the dark and looming Giles family grave marker near the entrance to Greyfriars Kirk. But alas, they are Anne and Robert instead of Lily and James. The marvelous name of Moody, as in Alastair Mad Eye Moody, was borrowed from a long deceased lady buried in the famous boneyard, Mrs. Elizabeth Moody Moody, whom we're nearly certain would consider the use of her name to be an honor. The wonderful family name of Cruikshanks is engraved on an old stone marker in the graveyard. It should sound familiar to at least some of you. And a man who's been lying dead since 1802 with the full name of Thomas Riddle became the playful villain Lord Voldemort. Curiously, the classically powerful and dignified Professor Minerva McGonagall, a fine representation of her kind. I do believe her name appears to be borrowed from a man buried in 1902 and bestowed with the title of worst poet in Scotland. William McGonagall's tombstone proudly proclaims his profession as poet and tragedian. A short sample of his verbiage. I saw a cow. He's not there now. To his credit, it does rhyme. Ah, let's get to what many may consider to be, if there is such a thing, the star of the entire cemetery. Those of you who know me to any degree by now know that I am a lifelong lover of all animals, especially lupine and canine beings. And this amazing little dog was said to display heartbreaking loyalty to his owner after his owner's death. Grayfriars Bobby is the famous canine who belonged to an Edinburgh policeman named John Gray. Mr. Gray passed away on February 15, 1858, and was subsequently buried in Greyfriars Kirkyard. The legend says that in the days after his burial, his little Skye terrier, Bobby, his furry little life companion, could be seen entering the cemetery to lie beside his master's grave. Being a witness to this single act and relaying it to others would have been A rare and piteous thing. But what makes this sorrowful tale more soul touching is the purported fact that the dog returned to his owner's grave, perhaps daily for 14 years. The locals fell in love with the grieving little dog, even building him a shelter by the grave and then burying the dog near his owner when he himself died. Grief is a weird and wondrous thing, is it not? I like to think if anything were to ever happen to me, that Mr. Darling would keep watch over whatever might remain of me. Oh. And then later, they did what any sensible group of people would do. They opened a bar in the dog's honor called Greyfriars. Bobby. What's that? Irma? Hi, sweetheart. You have a note for me? Oh, it's from Janet, our head housemaid. Dear Madam, please be assured that every speck of soil from the silly shoes of your intrusive guest has been collected and saved and is now ready for use or return. The gardener reports that standard dirt has been spread upon the affected graves to prevent the repetition of this unfortunate happening. We trust this is to your unholy satisfaction. Love, Janet. P.S. my egg sack broke. Oh, she's joking. We often hire people based on their sense of humor. It's so important. Well, I can't say why our Janet was compelled to clean the mud from your lovely shoes. I just can't. But I'm sure you'll find she made a meticulous job of it. Very fastidious, our Janet. Mr. Darling will oversee your re. Shoeing. I'm just going to slip out to have a word and see our Janet. Good night, my dear guests. Good night.
- [39:08]
Mr. Darling
Riveting reading tonight, madam. I believe there are still two guests left somewhere in the library. No, my mistake. One guest in two pieces.
- [39:24]
Miranda Merrick
Well, there are plenty of cupcakes left. Perhaps our guests were put off by the baby piglets or mole rats or whatever. Shall we try them?
- [39:34]
Mr. Darling
How does one eat them without making a mess?
- [39:37]
Miranda Merrick
Oh, like a squirrel, darling.
- [39:41]
Mr. Darling
Oh, yes. Head first, in one gulp.
- [39:44]
Miranda Merrick
What? With two hands. Like a squirrel eats without utensils.
- [39:52]
Mr. Darling
Right. That's what I meant.
- [39:54]
Miranda Merrick
Uh huh. The Midnight Library is proudly brought to you by me, Miranda Merrick and Astonishing Legends. The excellent sound design is by Chris at Sounds like an Earful. We are kindly sponsored by our spooky, lovely patrons. If you would like to do as they've done and step beyond the cordoned off areas, visit patreon.com midnightlibrary Join our Patreon and you'll hear directly from me. Just make sure your notifications are on. Find us in your local cemetery and on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Our bizarre merch can be found@redbubble.com People Midnight Library.
- [41:23]
Advertiser
You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job post seen on other job sites with Indeed sponsored jobs. Your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility at indeed.comkidsandfamily just go to indeed.comkidsandfamily right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.