The Millionaire Real Estate Agent Podcast – Episode 63 Summary

Episode Title: Optimize Your Performance and Mental Health With Dr. Hillary Cauthen
Host: Jason Abrams (Keller Podcast Network)
Guest: Dr. Hillary Cauthen – Sports Psychologist, Author of Hello, Trauma
Date: December 30, 2024

Episode Overview

In the final episode of 2024, host Jason Abrams sits down with Dr. Hillary Cauthen, a leading clinical sports psychologist and author of Hello, Trauma, to explore the intersection of performance optimization and mental health. Drawing parallels between elite athletes and high-performing real estate agents, the episode dives deep into strategies for acknowledging and processing trauma, the critical importance of emotional authenticity, and actionable models for supporting both yourself and others through adversity. Dr. Cauthen offers science-backed insights, practical routines, and a seven-step framework for healing and thriving at work and in life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Hillary Cauthen’s Journey to Sports Psychology

• Early Passion and Pathway: Dr. Cauthen knew at age 14 she wanted to become a sports psychologist but found traditional educational paths lacking, prompting her to create her own interdisciplinary route. (02:53)
• Personal Motivation: Her experience as a youth athlete in a small town, feeling both pressure and boredom from easy victories, fueled her determination to support other athletes with the mental side of performance. (03:35)

2. Parallels Between High-Performers in Sports and Real Estate

• Dr. Cauthen equates top athletes with high-performing real estate agents, emphasizing that performance psychology tools apply across domains. Both groups commonly get stuck "striving for success," motivated by fear of failure and judgment, but true growth requires shifting towards a success-oriented mindset. (05:13)

  “A lot of people just get stuck right in the middle to do just enough. …You need to look to what does it take to be successful... that’s where we see the growth mindset coming into play.”
  — Dr. Hillary Cauthen (05:13)

3. Emotional Expression & Performance Optimization

• Emotional Stigma: Elite performers often struggle to express emotions due to societal or cultural stigmas, which inhibits authentic self-expression and, ultimately, peak performance. (07:13)

• Integral Role of Emotions: Emotions drive motivation and performance; learning how to activate and regulate emotions is key to functioning optimally.

  “We are humans with a range of emotions, and they fuel us… you have to tap in to understand how do I activate the best emotion to perform my best self…”
  — Dr. Hillary Cauthen (07:48)

4. The Myth of Grit-Only Success Culture

• The “just keep going” mantra is insufficient for sustained high performance. Instead, breaks, balance, and diversified life domains are essential for long-term success and well-being. (08:32)

5. Why Write About Trauma?

• Dr. Cauthen’s book, Hello, Trauma, was inspired by the hidden but pervasive role of trauma in performance, as well as the need for honest, physiological definitions and pathways for healing. (09:17)

6. Understanding and Addressing Trauma

Definitions and Prevalence

• Over 70% of adults have experienced trauma, whether acknowledged or not. Trauma often goes unaddressed because it’s painful and people aren’t taught emotional coping skills. (11:17–11:39)

The Three Phases of Trauma Response

1. The Minimizer: Denial and minimization of trauma’s impact; functioning as if nothing happened.
2. The Enabler: Seeking meaning, often turning blame or guilt inward (“Did I cause this?”).
3. The Moral Authority: The more objective, supportive self, ready to guide healing. (12:15–14:26)

“Nobody wants to sit and feel the messy emotions ... trauma is messy, it’s sad ... and people just don’t know what to do so they don’t want to sit with it.”
— Dr. Hillary Cauthen (11:39)

The Pitfalls of Comparison and Shame

• Trauma is often dismissed or minimized through comparison (“your trauma is worse than mine”), leading to shame and isolation rather than healing. (15:27)

The Necessity of Confronting Discomfort

• Avoidance of trauma and difficult emotions leads to unrealized potential; healing requires self-awareness, patience, and proactive engagement. (17:26)

  “You have to address them … have self-awareness and have grace and patience to say, yeah, this is real. This is what I’m experiencing. And now what do I do?”
  — Dr. Hillary Cauthen (17:26)

7. Separating Identity from Performance

• “Sports is what we do, it’s not who we are.” The same goes for real estate or any profession. Forming identity solely around work or achievement is unhealthy; integrating multiple life roles cultivates resilience and holistic success. (18:19–19:30)

Dr. Cauthen’s “Uniform Hack”

• Transition rituals, such as sitting in silence or listening to music before switching between life roles (e.g., professional to parent), help reinforce identity separation and emotional regulation. (19:30)

The Seven-Step Model for Empathetic Engagement and Trauma Support

Based on Hello, Trauma, Dr. Cauthen’s seven-step model is designed for organizations, families, and friends to support someone through trauma. (21:22–29:12)

Step 1: Acknowledge That Something Happened

• Sit and listen without investigating or minimizing. (22:51)
• “All you need to do… is sit and listen and say, I hear what you’re saying.” (23:18)

Step 2: Seek Feedback

• Consult experts/ask what’s needed rather than assuming you have the answers. (23:48)

Step 3: Conduct Conversations with Care

• Approach all involved with compassion and without judgment or bias. (24:25–25:31)

Step 4: Ask What They Need

• Don’t assume; explicitly ask how you can help (routine, support, time off, etc.). (25:40–26:14)

Step 5: Provide a Plan of Action—Together

• Co-create an action plan and timeline; keep the person informed to build trust and reduce anxiety. (27:40)

Step 6: Openly Discuss and Implement Steps

• Communicate what’s happening and progress made. “Imagine if you told them, here’s what I’m going to be doing...” (28:48)

Step 7: Maintain Ongoing, Caring Check-Ins

• Continue to engage (privately or in groups) to foster safety, accountability, and healing. (29:22)

Practical Strategies for Real Estate Professionals

Routine Self-Check & Healing Practices

• Five Minutes of Silence: Daily quiet reflection enhances clarity, creativity, and emotional awareness. (31:49)
• Pre- and Post-Performance Rituals:
  • Pre-performance: Personalize routines (music, silence, intentional goal setting for calls/appointments). (33:10)
  • Performance: Focus on 1–3 key things; use a mantra or self-talk for mindset.
  • Reset Mindset: Bounce back from setbacks with deep breaths and “what now” focus. (33:54)
  • Post-performance: Reflect on wins, improvements, next steps; end each day with 1–3 points of gratitude to boost emotional wellness. (34:49–35:16)

“If you sit in silence for five minutes a day and you have to do it consistently ... the results will show up.”
— Dr. Hillary Cauthen (35:34)

Caring for Yourself as a High-Performer

• Therapy and coaching are not just for crises—peak performers use mental health professionals proactively.
• Recovery and rest (naps, music, exercise, moments of vulnerability) are essential for sustainable success. (36:56–38:06)
• “Naps. I’m a napper. I will nap every day. That is the key to success.”
  — Dr. Hillary Cauthen (38:06)

Parenting for Resilience

• Encourage children to experience risk, failure, and life’s challenges, supporting them as they learn and grow, rather than shielding them from all adversity. (39:06)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Emotional Suppression in High Performers:
  “The inability to express their emotion effectively ... shuns the true authentic self of the athlete.” (07:13)

• On the Importance of Hope:
  “We all need to have something to look forward to. We need to know there is a positive outcome or solution in front of us.” (30:20)

• On Seeking Professional Help:
  “You don’t have to have problems... In this high performance domain, I work on athletes and performers that... just want to have someone I can talk to and help me get better.” (40:49)

Notable Time-stamped Segments

• Dr. Cauthen’s Journey: 02:53–05:13
• Performance Anxiety & Growth Mindset: 05:13–06:48
• Impact of Unprocessed Trauma: 09:17–14:26
• The Seven-Step Model: 21:22–29:12
• Everyday Mental Health Routines: 31:49–35:16
• Self-Care for High-Performers: 36:56–38:06

Final Reflections

Jason Abrams wraps up by emphasizing that leadership begins with self-leadership and awareness. Trauma is nearly universal among high performers, but by using Dr. Cauthen’s models and strategies, individuals and organizations can create healthier, more resilient, and more successful environments—for themselves, their families, and teams.

“Life is about the thoughts that you think and the actions that you take… If you want to have a life by design, you need to figure out exactly what it is you want and then deal with the mental health and trauma that might be standing in the way.”
— Jason Abrams (42:18)

Additional Resources

• Dr. Hillary Cauthen’s Book: Hello, Trauma — available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Audible (41:57)
• Follow-Up Materials: Detailed episode show notes available at mreanotes.com
• Find a Mental Performance Coach: Look for the Certified Mental Performance Coach (CMPC) credential when seeking professional help (40:49)

This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to unlock higher levels of personal and professional performance by tackling the often-unseen role of mental health and trauma in their journey.