Podcast Summary: The mindbodygreen Podcast, Episode 609

Guest: Dr. Caroline Leaf, Ph.D.
Host: Jason Wachob
Date: August 3, 2025
Topic: How to Handle Stress, Avoid Triggers & Overcome Regret

Overview

This episode features renowned cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf, who introduces listeners to her science-backed “Help in a Hurry” practice—a 63-second method to pause, self-regulate, and reroute emotional states. Dr. Leaf and host Jason Wachob engage in a deep, practical conversation about dealing with stress, overcoming emotional triggers, managing regret, and embracing the idea that “it’s okay not to be okay.” The discussion is filled with neuroscience, actionable strategies, memorable metaphors, and authentic personal stories.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Challenging Hustle Culture & Embracing “Not Okay” (02:08–04:02)

• Dr. Leaf highlights the pressure of hustle culture and the myth that we must always be okay. Constant positivity and “biohacking” quick fixes can be damaging and ultimately increase anxiety.
  • Quote:
    “If I'm under pressure to be okay when I'm not okay...that messaging increases our anxiety and then we don't have wisdom and we don't perform well.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (03:30)
• 95% of our day is spent just “getting through,” not being in a state of perpetual happiness.
• Accepting negative emotions is key to wisdom and sustainable mental health.

2. “Help in a Hurry”: No Quick Fixes, Only Habits (04:54–07:05)

• Lasting resilience can’t be achieved through hacks; it develops over time with intentional practice.
• The “Help in a Hurry” concept is about catching and redirecting your reaction within a crucial 60-second window—creating a proactive, rather than reactive, response cycle.
  • Quote:
    “Help in a hurry is catching the moment, recognizing the things that trigger you...having a plan in place to catch that so I don’t...react angrily...that I create that pause, almost like a traffic light.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (05:50)

3. Memorable Metaphors for Self-Regulation (07:05–10:28)

• The Storm: Having an “umbrella” is like creating a protective pause before reacting.
• The Onion: The surface issue may not be the real problem; self-reflection uncovers deeper layers.
• The Virus: Reactions and negative experiences can spread if left unchecked.
• These metaphors help visualize the need for self-regulation and underscore that it’s a lifestyle shift, not a momentary fix.
  • Quote:
    “What appears to be the issue is not necessarily the issue. You peel away the layers.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (07:38)

4. The Science of the 63-second Pause (10:28–21:10)

• The 60-Second Rule: Neuroscience reveals conscious emotional responses happen in 10-second “bursts,” with 6 bursts forming a key one-minute window to catch and consciously reset your reaction.
• The Toddler & Parent Mind:
  • Our conscious mind reacts quickly (toddler), but wisdom comes when the conscious (toddler) listens to the non-conscious “wise parent.”
  • Taking a moment to pause and honor your feelings allows the “parent” to intervene, leading to wiser outcomes.
  • Quote:
    “The conscious mind is like a toddler...but that’s where the parent steps in and guides that process.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (15:30)
• Breathing Techniques: Honor your emotions before shifting to calming breathwork; “sip breathing” (deep in-breath, an extra small inhale, then slow exhale) can rapidly calm the body’s stress response.

5. Practicing Skills Before You Need Them (23:51–24:20)

• Practicing exercises outside stressful moments builds muscle memory for self-regulation.
• Three-step Approach:
  1. Get the Knowledge:
     Identify and learn about your primary triggers (e.g., regret, intrusive thoughts, pressure).
  2. Practice in the Moment:
     Use the 63-second reset when triggered.
  3. Change Patterns Over Time:
     Long-term change takes about 63 days of practice to rewire habits.

6. Tackling Regret (27:13–34:25)

• Regret is universal and surfaces differently for everyone. It can be constructive if managed instead of avoided.
  • Quote:
    “Never run from the regret. Welcome it. Honor it. This is really key...immediately say, okay, take the time.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (28:45)
• Healthy Regret Framework:
  1. Acknowledge & Honor
  2. Ask: What can I learn from this?
     • Flip the guilt: “What have I learned? What not to do.”
     • Quote:
       “There’s no failure. There’s only, what have I learned, what not to do.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (31:33)
  3. Use Regret Data for Growth
  4. Rewire Over Time
• Personal anecdotes emphasize how regret, when explored and honored, leads to lasting improvements in relationships and mental peace.

7. Personal Stories & Family Application (34:25–39:23)

• Dr. Leaf shares real-life moments from her marriage and family, illustrating self-regulation in action (“63-second reset” with her husband after a tense exchange).
  • Quote:
    “At that moment, it hit me—63 seconds. Catch this. What are you doing?...I'm having some seriously big emotions here. I'm really sorry, I had no right to speak with that tone...” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (36:41)
• The practice becomes a “lifestyle rule” within their family business: “Hey, you need a help in a hurry moment.”
• Dr. Leaf emphasizes the spread of emotional energy and the importance of regulating even internal thoughts, not just external reactions.

8. Stress, Pressure, and the “I Didn’t Get X Done” Trap (39:55–42:47)

• A leading source of daily stress is fixating on unfinished tasks.
• Shifting language from “I didn’t get X done” to “I did get X done” can recalibrate focus, activate the wise mind, and reduce pressure.
  • Quote:
    “You just shift one word: I didn’t get X done. I did get X done. And you force yourself to focus on what you did get done.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf (41:47)
• Recognizing and responding to these small stressors daily prevents the build-up of negative networks in the brain and supports well-being.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “If I'm under pressure to be okay when I'm not okay...that messaging increases our anxiety and then we don't have wisdom and we don't perform well.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [03:30]
• “Help in a hurry is catching the moment, recognizing the things that trigger you...having a plan in place to catch that so I don’t...react angrily...that I create that pause, almost like a traffic light.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [05:50]
• “What appears to be the issue is not necessarily the issue. You peel away the layers.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [07:38]
• “The conscious mind is like a toddler...but that’s where the parent steps in and guides that process.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [15:30]
• “Never run from the regret. Welcome it. Honor it. This is really key...immediately say, okay, take the time.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [28:45]
• “There’s no failure. There’s only, what have I learned, what not to do.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [31:33]
• “At that moment, it hit me—63 seconds. Catch this. What are you doing?...I'm having some seriously big emotions here. I'm really sorry, I had no right to speak with that tone...” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [36:41]
• “You just shift one word: I didn’t get X done. I did get X done. And you force yourself to focus on what you did get done.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf [41:47]

Practical Takeaways

The “Help in a Hurry” 63-second Practice

• When you’re triggered:
  1. Acknowledge your feeling (“toddler mind”), honor it without judgment.
  2. Pause for 60 seconds, activating your “wise parent mind.”
  3. Regulate using breathwork (long exhales, sip breathing), self-talk, or visualization.
  4. Reflect: What can I learn? How can I shift this moment?
• Practice these steps regularly to build resilience and rewire patterns over 63 days.

Flipping the Script on Stress & Regret

• Change “I didn’t get X done” to “I did get X done.”
• Welcome regret as a learning moment, not a reason for guilt.
• Consistent self-regulation fuels emotional intelligence and resilience, critical for thriving amid rapid technological and societal change.

Final Thoughts

Dr. Leaf’s “Help in a Hurry” approach empowers listeners to embrace imperfection, slow down in response to triggers, and build resilience for the long haul. The episode is a practical, compassionate guide for anyone seeking better self-control, peace, and growth—even in a reactive world.

For more:

• Dr. Leaf’s book: “Help in a Hurry”
• The Dr. Leaf Show podcast
• Social media: @DrCarolineLeaf