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[00:00]
A
I've been in this library for six hours. I'm out of snacks and energy. Plus I just realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Oh girl, you're a mess. Let's run to Target. Let's rtt. We'll grab some protein chips, body spray and deodorant and we get 20% off with target Circle so we can get those great face masks for our self care Sundays. I love an SCS. Let's get out of here. College students get 20% off their next purchase with Target Circle subject to terms. Visit target.comcircle for more details.
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Foreign.
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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you're ready for your next breakthrough, join me at my three day live event in Austin, Texas this December. It is a complete deconstruction of the old patterns and habits and beliefs and fears that are holding you back from breaking through to your next level. So if you want 2027 to be the best year of your life, join us at freedomlive2026.com we're going to be deconstructing your old beliefs and patterns and habits and we're going to be reconstructing who you need to be to make it the best year of your life. And right now there is a $50 off coupon that is going to be going away very soon. So join us and I will see you live in Austin, Texas. Today, I want to talk about something that almost every ambitious person gets completely backwards. Because I know you're an ambitious person because you're listening to this podcast and you've got goals and you've got standards and you've got things that you want to do in your life. And from the outside, somebody might look at your life and be like, you know what? She's got it all together. He's got it all together. But when no one's watching and you're driving alone in your car, there's just like low grade hum underneath everything. It's like this feeling of, not yet, not yet, not there yet. I can't settle. I've got to keep going. And you've probably diagnosed this feeling as your ambition. That's just my edge. Like that's what keeps me going. And I get it because I felt that way for years, first 35 years of my life, until I realized what it actually is. And it's not ambition. And so I want to actually challenge that today. Because in your brain, there's two completely separate systems. One of them wants things and the other one enjoys things. And those come from two completely different parts in your brain with different chemistry trained independently of each other. Which means that you can spend 20 years making the wanting, the ambition system so strong, while the enjoying system is. Is completely weak inside of your brain. And this is why you can hit a goal that you've chased for three years, and when you hit it, you immediately just move to the next thing. I did that so many times and so many successful people do this as well. And so today, I'm gonna show you the neurological reason why your brain won't let you enjoy where you are. And I'm gonna show you why it always ends in burnout. And then I'm gonna give you the actual step by step process to fix it. Because by the end of this episode, you're not gonna be less ambitious. You're gonna not. You're just going to learn how to be driven in a completely different way than you have before. Because a person who is grateful and hungry is almost impossible to stop. Okay, so I want to start with one of the most fascinating pieces of research in this entire space of gratitude. And I would be shocked if you've ever heard of it before. But there's a neuroscientist at the University of Michigan named Kent Berridge, and he spent his entire career on one question. Are wanting and liking the same thing. And everybody before his research assumed, yes, like, you want the thing because you like the thing, right? But what he found is they run on two completely different systems. In your brain, wanting runs on dopamine. It's big, it's loud, it's spread across many regions in your brain. But liking and enjoying, like, actually feeling enjoyment, runs on completely different chemistry. It's concentrated in these tiny little clusters in your brain that are called hedonic hotspots. And most people are strengthening the wanting parts of their brain every single day while the enjoying parts of their brain are really not being used. And then you wake up at 40 and you go, why does none of this feel like anything? And it's not because you're like, an ungrateful person. It's because you've basically hypertrophied one system and you've let the other system atrophy. It's like the equivalent of, like, being a, you know, bodybuilder with massive arms, and then you got teeny tiny toothpick legs and you wonder why you can't stand up. It's because the wanting and liking systems, the wanting system's been built up and built up and built up. The liking and enjoying system, you just never have been using. And I want to be clear, like, I'm not telling you to kill the wanting system. I love the wanting system that lives inside of me. It's built everything that I have. But what I'm telling you is that there's a second muscle, quote, unquote, in your brain that. That you need to strengthen. And it's gratitude in training. Like, that's the training you need. And gratitude, what it actually is, like, it's not positive thinking. It's not like, I'm just gonna sit down and chill out because I just have everything that I want. It is a repetition for the only system in your brain that's capable of producing the feeling that you've been chasing with the other one for 20 years. And so you've been trying to get satisfaction out of the pursuit system part of your brain. Does that make sense? And like, the pursuit system does not manufacture satisfaction. It never has, and it was never designed to. And that's why you will never feel happy with success, is because that part of your brain was never designed to do it. That's why you can buy the Lamborghini, you can buy the BMW, and it's cool for like, a couple weeks, and then you go back to normal. That's why you can hit a million dollars or $10 million or a billion dollars in your bank account and then you just don't feel happ and you might go, that's not me. Please. I know people that are worth over $4 billion and they're fucking miserable. So clearly the money does not make somebody happy. That must mean there's two different parts of our brain we need to work on, right? It's not that you need a better car, it's not that you need a bigger bank account. Getting a nice car and getting a bigger bank account will not change the way that you feel long term. You need to strengthen the different part of your brain and listen, like, I get it. I completely get it for all of you guys. I ran my entire life off of the wanting part of my brain for a long time and I thought that's what made me ambitious. But wanting and then achieving and then never fully feeling the enjoyment in your life will burn you out. Working really hard with no real feeling of reward will burn you out. Burnout is not caused by by working too hard though. Like, I've coached thousands and thousands of people. I've watched people work insane hours on something that they loved and they come out energized. That's how I feel about what I do. But I've also watched people work 40 or 50 hours a week on something that they don't love and come out destroyed. The difference wasn't the workload. It's how much they are enjoying and getting enjoyment out of what they're doing, but also what they're achieving and how much they're letting themselves feel the gratitude for their lives, for their achievements, for their challenges, feeling gratitude for the challenges, feeling gratitude for the losses, for everything. And we will be right back.
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And now back to the show. You know, people think gratitude is soft. Gratitude is not soft. Gratitude is strategic in the brain. I'm going to explain to you what I mean by that, because the more I can feel gratitude for everything that I have, the more that I want to build an even more incredible life to be grateful for. And when I push and I hit a goal and I succeed, and then I allow myself to truly feel that gratitude, my brain releases dopamine and my brain goes, damn. Like that felt great. Let's do it again. And it wants to keep achieving. And this is why dopamine is a chemical of motivation. It wants to keep achieving more of what gave it dopamine in the first place. So if you never truly enjoy your successes, you don't get the dopamine, and then you don't want to keep achieving more. So, as I actually said, gratitude in this case is a very strategic thing. It's not like a soft little mushy woo woo thing. Like, let me, let me shift gears for a second. Just. I want to tell you something that I believe, right? And you can take it or leave it, but I believe that there's something running this whole world that we live in, right? You can call it God, you can call it universe, you can call it source, whatever you want to call it. I really don't care what words you use, but I've come to believe, and I have a deep seated belief in this, that it operates on stewardship. And if you think about it practically, it makes sense. Imagine you gave somebody a small team to manage in your company, and every day all they did was complain. Like, oh, my team's not big enough. And you know, I can't do what I want because our budget's not big enough and nothing's ever right and my salespeople's numbers aren't where they should be. Like, if they're constantly complaining about the small team that you gave them, would you ever give them a bigger team? Hell no, of course you would not. And it's not because you're punishing them. It's because they can't even handle the small team. Like, they've given you very clear information about the fact that they can't handle this tiny little bit that you gave them. And so if you gave them more resources, I guarantee they would still complain with more. That's like, exactly how I think life works out. Like, if what you do is complain with a little that is in your life, why would you ever be trusted with a lot? Like, do you think about that for a second? If you're like, well, my life, it's not very great, and boohoo and my bank account and all of this stuff. If you complain about the small blessings that you do have, why would you ever be trusted with more? People don't think about it this way. And I don't mean in like some mystical way where the universe is like keeping score and like with a notebook or anything like that. No, you see, the person who's grateful for what they have and takes care of it and sees himself as a steward of what they have, they notice more, they are better at everything. They do better. People want to work with them. They act from like a full tank instead of an empty tank so they last longer. They don't burn out in year three of building something, so they're still standing in year 10 where everything starts to compound later on. So, like, gratitude doesn't, like, just, like, summon the blessing? That's what I'm trying. Not what I'm trying to say. Gratitude makes you the kind of person who can handle the blessing when it compounds and becomes greater than you thought that it could be. And so I really want you to think about this question, because I have an honest question for you. Okay. If right now you were handed everything that you say you want right now, today, in this moment, but you still have the exact same identity and operating system that you've always had, would you enjoy it, or would you eventually find something wrong with it in, like, six weeks, like you've done with everything that you have now? It's a real question I want you to think about. Because no amount of success or achievement will ever change how you feel inside. Right? You fix the internal, and the external changes. You fix the external. It doesn't change the internal. So how do you train this before I give you the actual steps on how to train it? Well, there's one thing. There was a study that was done out of Indiana University where they had people do a gratitude exercise every morning. And then three months later, they scanned their brains. They found out that the people who had the gratitude group showed a greater activity in the medial prefrontal cortex. That's the part of your brain that gives things meaning. Which means that gratitude actually changes your brain. So gratitude is not like, it fluffy stuff. It's an actual practice. It's mental training to change your brain. So let me give you the step by step process. The first one is this. Get specific. And I mean, like, painfully specific. Most gratitude practices fall short because people are like I'm. And they just take, like, a bucket of life. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my job. Like, those are, like, categories in life. And your brain has heard my family 10,000 times. So I want you to go, like, more granular. You could say, I'm grateful for my son. Yes. Or, but you can even go more granular than that. I'm grateful for the specific way that he says words wrong that I know he's going to grow out of in a few months. I'm so grateful for how fucking cute it is when he wants to say crackers and he says coggies instead. I'm so grateful for when My son wants to say avocado and he says kapu. Right? Like, I'm so much more. I'm even, like, feeling good about that right now, thinking about how he does that. Right? So the more detailed that you can be in your gratitude, the better. That's number one. Number two, I want you to catch the complaint and convert it, okay? You can't stop your first thought, but you can always change your second thought, right? And so this week, I want you to catch yourself complaining. You will do it. And don't shame yourself for it. Just ask yourself one question when you complain. What in this exact situation would I miss if it was gone? Right? So let's say, like, you're stuck in traffic. What in this exact situation would I miss if it was gone? Well, if my car was gone. Like, I'm really grateful actually that I do have a car, because a lot of people don't have a car, right? Okay. There's something I can be grateful for. Like, let's say you're slammed at work, right? What in this exact situation would I actually miss if it were gone? My job. If my job were gone? Like, people want to make the amount of money that I make or, shit, some people just want a job. So I'm grateful that I do have a job and I can pay my bills, right? Or like, your kid is being crazy, because we know kids can be crazy. What in this exact situation would I actually miss if it were gone? Your kid is alive, your kid is in the house, your kid is healthy. So much to be grateful for in the moment. So we can take our complaints and by asking ourselves that question, completely change the way that we feel. And you're not lying to yourself about anything. You're just refusing to let your brain run old patterns of complaining when there's something right in front of you, you can be grateful for, right? And you're choosing to get stronger in the gratitude parts of your brain. You're finding gratitude, right? So that's number two. Number three, last one terminated in action. This is where, like, what separates gratitude from, like, passivity. Every time you get grateful, close it with a question. So ask yourself when you talk about your gratitude. Practice. So what am I going to do with it? Right? So let's say you're grateful for the fact that you are so healthy right now. What am I going to do with it? I'm going to go use my body, right? I'm grateful for my business, okay, so what am I going to do with it? I'm going to go Serve a client better today. Because gratitude that stops at just a feeling is just that. It's just a feeling. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you really want to etch it into your DNA, gratitude that has a feeling and then ends in action, that's like stewardship of the thing that you're grateful for. Right? That's the loop. Get grateful for it. So you take care of it. And if you take care of it, it grows. And if it grows, that means there's going to be more for you to be grateful for. Okay? And so here's what I want you to do. I want you to write this down, answer this question. What am I currently treating as not enough that I once prayed for? I promise you, every person listening to me, there is something in your life that you're stepping over on the way to your complaining about something else. There's a version of you, five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, who would love to have something that you have now. Question number two. If nothing external changed for the next 12 months, what would I have to change inside of me for that to be a good year? Whatever comes up for that one. That's the actual work. Because you're not unhappy because your life is too small. I promise you that. You're unhappy because you've spent so many years training the part of your brain that chases, and you have spent no time at all on the part of your brain that feels gratitude. And the more that you do gratitude, the more that part of your brain actually starts to strengthen. You can fix it. It's like a muscle, but you just never really went to the gym for that one. And when you fix it, you don't get soft, you don't lose your edge, you don't lose your ambition. You become somebody who can outwork everybody else. Because now you're not running from past trauma. And that's what gives you your quote unquote ambition. You're running because you're grateful. And you want to create even more things to be grateful for. Because when you achieve the things that you're working towards and you allow yourself to actually feel it, you'll be more excited to actually run and go get that thing. Because in all honesty, if we're building these lives, what's the point of building a beautiful life if you don't actually truly let yourself enjoy it? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag Me Robdile Jr R O B D I A L J R. And once again, if you love this podcast, these are like 15 to 20 minutes. Imagine what it would be like if you and I had three days full immersion in person, working on deconstructing your old beliefs and habits and patterns and fears and reconstructing you into the person that you need to be so that you can break through to the next level. That is what we're going to do at Freedom Live 2026. So go to freedomlive2026.com once again, freedomlive2026.com join us and I'll see you in Austin, Texas. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
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Summary6 min read

Podcast Summary: The Mindset Mentor – "How to Be Happy Where You Are"

Host: Rob Dial
Date: August 14, 2026
Duration: ~22 minutes

Overview

In this powerful episode, Rob Dial addresses a dilemma shared by many ambitious individuals: the struggle to truly enjoy life and feel content, regardless of external achievements. Rob unpacks the neurological reason why success without satisfaction is common, and provides actionable strategies to rewire the brain for happiness and gratitude, not just relentless pursuit. By the end, listeners learn how to balance ambition with genuine fulfillment, ensuring that the drive for more is paired with the capacity to truly appreciate the present.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Misconception of Ambition and Satisfaction

Timestamp 01:43–03:50
Rob opens by identifying a familiar feeling for ambitious people—a constant “not there yet” hum that masquerades as ambition but is actually something different.
- “When no one's watching and you're driving alone in your car, there's just like low-grade hum underneath everything. It's like this feeling of, not yet, not yet, not there yet. I can't settle. I've got to keep going. And you've probably diagnosed this feeling as your ambition.” (Rob Dial, 02:13)
He challenges the idea that this inner restlessness is pure ambition, setting the stage to explore its true nature.

2. The Brain: Wanting vs. Liking Systems

Timestamp 03:51–07:15
Rob shares neuroscientist Kent Berridge’s research, which debunked the myth that wanting and liking are the same. In reality, they're driven by entirely separate neural systems:
- Wanting: Runs on dopamine, is large and noisy, spans many brain regions.
- Liking/Enjoying: Runs on different brain chemistry, located in small ‘hedonic hotspots’.
- “Wanting runs on dopamine... But liking and enjoying...runs on completely different chemistry. Most people are strengthening the wanting parts of their brain every single day while the enjoying parts...are really not being used.” (Rob Dial, 05:00)
Many highly-driven individuals end up with an overdeveloped “wanting” network and an atrophied “enjoying” one, leading to persistent dissatisfaction even after significant achievement.

3. Why Achievement Without Enjoyment Leads to Burnout

Timestamp 07:16–08:48
Rob explains that pursuing goals without training the enjoyment system leads to burnout, not because of overwork, but through lack of fulfillment:
- “Burnout is not caused by working too hard... The difference wasn't the workload. It's how much they are enjoying and getting enjoyment out of what they're doing.” (Rob Dial, 08:10)
The key is increasing the feeling of reward and gratitude—without this, no amount of success brings lasting happiness.

4. The Power and Strategy of Gratitude

Timestamp 11:09–13:45
Rob reframes gratitude as a strategic, not “soft”, practice with neurological implications.
- “People think gratitude is soft. Gratitude is not soft. Gratitude is strategic in the brain. ...When I succeed, and then I allow myself to truly feel that gratitude, my brain releases dopamine and my brain goes, damn, that felt great. Let's do it again.” (Rob Dial, 11:11)
Practiced gratitude enhances motivation and achievement by reinforcing the enjoyment system, preventing burnout and building resilience for long-term goals.

5. Stewardship: Why You Need to Appreciate What You Have

Timestamp 13:46–16:00
Rob introduces the concept of ‘stewardship’—the belief that life/the universe only gives more to those who already appreciate and manage what they've been given.
- “If you complain about the small blessings that you do have, why would you ever be trusted with more?” (Rob Dial, 14:50)
He encourages listeners to reflect on whether they would truly enjoy everything they desire if it was handed to them today, or if old patterns of dissatisfaction would persist.

6. Gratitude Changes Your Brain (and Life)

Timestamp 16:01–17:10
Rob references a study from Indiana University that found daily gratitude practices physically changed participants’ brains, increasing activity in the medial prefrontal cortex—the region that assigns meaning to experiences.

7. Step-by-Step Gratitude Training

Timestamp 17:11–20:50
Rob offers a practical, three-step method for rewiring your brain for greater enjoyment:
1. Get Painfully Specific
  - Generic gratitude (e.g., “my family”) is less effective than highly specific observations (e.g., a child’s mispronunciations).
  - “The more detailed that you can be in your gratitude, the better.” (Rob Dial, 17:40)
2. Catch the Complaint and Convert It
  - Notice when you complain and immediately reframe it by asking, “What in this exact situation would I miss if it was gone?”
  - Practical examples: traffic → gratitude for having a car; workload → gratitude for having a job; noisy kids → gratitude for their presence and health.
3. Terminate in Action
  - Bridge gratitude with intentional action: “So what am I going to do with it?”—e.g., if grateful for health, use your body; if grateful for business, serve a client better.
  - “If you really want to etch it into your DNA, gratitude that has a feeling and then ends in action, that's like stewardship of the thing that you're grateful for.” (Rob Dial, 19:53)
- Key reflection questions:
  - “What am I currently treating as not enough that I once prayed for?” (Rob Dial, 20:26)
  - “If nothing external changed for the next 12 months, what would I have to change inside of me for that to be a good year?” (Rob Dial, 20:41)
Rob drives home that becoming truly happy is about strengthening the “gratitude muscle”—your happiness depends not on the size of your life, but on how you train your brain to appreciate it.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the problem:
- “You can spend 20 years making the wanting, the ambition system so strong, while the enjoying system is...completely weak inside of your brain.” (04:41)
On gratitude:
- “Gratitude is not positive thinking. It's a repetition for the only system in your brain that's capable of producing the feeling you've been chasing with the other one for 20 years.” (06:25)
On practical change:
- “You can't stop your first thought, but you can always change your second thought.” (18:25)
- “Get grateful for it. So you take care of it. And if you take care of it, it grows. And if it grows, that means there's going to be more for you to be grateful for.” (20:00)
On fulfillment:
- “You're not unhappy because your life is too small. I promise you that. You're unhappy because you've spent so many years training the part of your brain that chases, and you have spent no time at all on the part of your brain that feels gratitude.” (20:49)

Timestamps for Major Segments

00:00–01:43: Sponsor/Intro (skip)
01:43–03:50: The dilemma of ambition vs. satisfaction
03:51–07:15: Neuroscience of wanting vs. liking
07:16–08:48: Why lack of enjoyment leads to burnout
11:09–13:45: The strategy and science of gratitude
13:46–16:00: Stewardship; why gratitude leads to more
16:01–17:10: Gratitude literally rewires your brain
17:11–20:50: The 3-step gratitude method
20:51–end: Conclusion and call to action

Conclusion

Rob Dial’s episode “How to Be Happy Where You Are” is a transformative guide for ambitious people trapped in the cycle of relentless pursuit. With compelling neuroscience, practical strategies, and personal vulnerability, Rob delivers a framework for rewiring the mind—showing that true fulfillment begins not when we finally “arrive,” but when we learn to enjoy and steward what we already have.

Action steps:

Practice painfully specific gratitude daily
Reframe complaints with the question, “What would I miss if this were gone?”
Close gratitude with action: “What will I do with this gift?”
Reflect on:
- What you once wished for that you now overlook
- Who you must become to enjoy your present (if nothing changed externally)

For more strategies, attend Rob’s Freedom Live event or share your biggest insight from this episode on Instagram (@robdialjr).

Loading summary

Transcript15 lines

[00:00]
A
I've been in this library for six hours. I'm out of snacks and energy. Plus I just realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Oh girl, you're a mess. Let's run to Target. Let's rtt. We'll grab some protein chips, body spray and deodorant and we get 20% off with target Circle so we can get those great face masks for our self care Sundays. I love an SCS. Let's get out of here. College students get 20% off their next purchase with Target Circle subject to terms. Visit target.comcircle for more details.
[00:30]
B
When it comes to health and wellness, the most important thing for me is to be able to trust what I
[00:35]
C
put in my body.
[00:36]
B
So whether you are tackling fitness goals, a wellness routine, or shopping for family essentials, Iherb is the one stop shop for vitamins, supplements, sports nutrition, personal care, and even grocery baby and pet products. For nearly 30 years, Iherb has delivered authentic wellness products sourced directly from trusted brands and authorized partners to more than 15 million customers worldwide. And if something doesn't meet your expectations, Iherb makes it right with with easy returns and simple refunds. Visit iherb.com and use the code MINDSET for 20% off your order with the Discover Cashback card.
[01:12]
D
It's payback time when you earn cash back on everyday purchases. Activate and earn 5% cash back at different categories each quarter on up to $1,500 in purchases. That's 5% cash back at different places each quarter. Like grocery stores, on gas and at restaurants, it pays to Discover terms. Apply. See discover.com 5 for detail.
[01:34]
E
Foreign.
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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you're ready for your next breakthrough, join me at my three day live event in Austin, Texas this December. It is a complete deconstruction of the old patterns and habits and beliefs and fears that are holding you back from breaking through to your next level. So if you want 2027 to be the best year of your life, join us at freedomlive2026.com we're going to be deconstructing your old beliefs and patterns and habits and we're going to be reconstructing who you need to be to make it the best year of your life. And right now there is a $50 off coupon that is going to be going away very soon. So join us and I will see you live in Austin, Texas. Today, I want to talk about something that almost every ambitious person gets completely backwards. Because I know you're an ambitious person because you're listening to this podcast and you've got goals and you've got standards and you've got things that you want to do in your life. And from the outside, somebody might look at your life and be like, you know what? She's got it all together. He's got it all together. But when no one's watching and you're driving alone in your car, there's just like low grade hum underneath everything. It's like this feeling of, not yet, not yet, not there yet. I can't settle. I've got to keep going. And you've probably diagnosed this feeling as your ambition. That's just my edge. Like that's what keeps me going. And I get it because I felt that way for years, first 35 years of my life, until I realized what it actually is. And it's not ambition. And so I want to actually challenge that today. Because in your brain, there's two completely separate systems. One of them wants things and the other one enjoys things. And those come from two completely different parts in your brain with different chemistry trained independently of each other. Which means that you can spend 20 years making the wanting, the ambition system so strong, while the enjoying system is. Is completely weak inside of your brain. And this is why you can hit a goal that you've chased for three years, and when you hit it, you immediately just move to the next thing. I did that so many times and so many successful people do this as well. And so today, I'm gonna show you the neurological reason why your brain won't let you enjoy where you are. And I'm gonna show you why it always ends in burnout. And then I'm gonna give you the actual step by step process to fix it. Because by the end of this episode, you're not gonna be less ambitious. You're gonna not. You're just going to learn how to be driven in a completely different way than you have before. Because a person who is grateful and hungry is almost impossible to stop. Okay, so I want to start with one of the most fascinating pieces of research in this entire space of gratitude. And I would be shocked if you've ever heard of it before. But there's a neuroscientist at the University of Michigan named Kent Berridge, and he spent his entire career on one question. Are wanting and liking the same thing. And everybody before his research assumed, yes, like, you want the thing because you like the thing, right? But what he found is they run on two completely different systems. In your brain, wanting runs on dopamine. It's big, it's loud, it's spread across many regions in your brain. But liking and enjoying, like, actually feeling enjoyment, runs on completely different chemistry. It's concentrated in these tiny little clusters in your brain that are called hedonic hotspots. And most people are strengthening the wanting parts of their brain every single day while the enjoying parts of their brain are really not being used. And then you wake up at 40 and you go, why does none of this feel like anything? And it's not because you're like, an ungrateful person. It's because you've basically hypertrophied one system and you've let the other system atrophy. It's like the equivalent of, like, being a, you know, bodybuilder with massive arms, and then you got teeny tiny toothpick legs and you wonder why you can't stand up. It's because the wanting and liking systems, the wanting system's been built up and built up and built up. The liking and enjoying system, you just never have been using. And I want to be clear, like, I'm not telling you to kill the wanting system. I love the wanting system that lives inside of me. It's built everything that I have. But what I'm telling you is that there's a second muscle, quote, unquote, in your brain that. That you need to strengthen. And it's gratitude in training. Like, that's the training you need. And gratitude, what it actually is, like, it's not positive thinking. It's not like, I'm just gonna sit down and chill out because I just have everything that I want. It is a repetition for the only system in your brain that's capable of producing the feeling that you've been chasing with the other one for 20 years. And so you've been trying to get satisfaction out of the pursuit system part of your brain. Does that make sense? And like, the pursuit system does not manufacture satisfaction. It never has, and it was never designed to. And that's why you will never feel happy with success, is because that part of your brain was never designed to do it. That's why you can buy the Lamborghini, you can buy the BMW, and it's cool for like, a couple weeks, and then you go back to normal. That's why you can hit a million dollars or $10 million or a billion dollars in your bank account and then you just don't feel happ and you might go, that's not me. Please. I know people that are worth over $4 billion and they're fucking miserable. So clearly the money does not make somebody happy. That must mean there's two different parts of our brain we need to work on, right? It's not that you need a better car, it's not that you need a bigger bank account. Getting a nice car and getting a bigger bank account will not change the way that you feel long term. You need to strengthen the different part of your brain and listen, like, I get it. I completely get it for all of you guys. I ran my entire life off of the wanting part of my brain for a long time and I thought that's what made me ambitious. But wanting and then achieving and then never fully feeling the enjoyment in your life will burn you out. Working really hard with no real feeling of reward will burn you out. Burnout is not caused by by working too hard though. Like, I've coached thousands and thousands of people. I've watched people work insane hours on something that they loved and they come out energized. That's how I feel about what I do. But I've also watched people work 40 or 50 hours a week on something that they don't love and come out destroyed. The difference wasn't the workload. It's how much they are enjoying and getting enjoyment out of what they're doing, but also what they're achieving and how much they're letting themselves feel the gratitude for their lives, for their achievements, for their challenges, feeling gratitude for the challenges, feeling gratitude for the losses, for everything. And we will be right back.
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And now back to the show. You know, people think gratitude is soft. Gratitude is not soft. Gratitude is strategic in the brain. I'm going to explain to you what I mean by that, because the more I can feel gratitude for everything that I have, the more that I want to build an even more incredible life to be grateful for. And when I push and I hit a goal and I succeed, and then I allow myself to truly feel that gratitude, my brain releases dopamine and my brain goes, damn. Like that felt great. Let's do it again. And it wants to keep achieving. And this is why dopamine is a chemical of motivation. It wants to keep achieving more of what gave it dopamine in the first place. So if you never truly enjoy your successes, you don't get the dopamine, and then you don't want to keep achieving more. So, as I actually said, gratitude in this case is a very strategic thing. It's not like a soft little mushy woo woo thing. Like, let me, let me shift gears for a second. Just. I want to tell you something that I believe, right? And you can take it or leave it, but I believe that there's something running this whole world that we live in, right? You can call it God, you can call it universe, you can call it source, whatever you want to call it. I really don't care what words you use, but I've come to believe, and I have a deep seated belief in this, that it operates on stewardship. And if you think about it practically, it makes sense. Imagine you gave somebody a small team to manage in your company, and every day all they did was complain. Like, oh, my team's not big enough. And you know, I can't do what I want because our budget's not big enough and nothing's ever right and my salespeople's numbers aren't where they should be. Like, if they're constantly complaining about the small team that you gave them, would you ever give them a bigger team? Hell no, of course you would not. And it's not because you're punishing them. It's because they can't even handle the small team. Like, they've given you very clear information about the fact that they can't handle this tiny little bit that you gave them. And so if you gave them more resources, I guarantee they would still complain with more. That's like, exactly how I think life works out. Like, if what you do is complain with a little that is in your life, why would you ever be trusted with a lot? Like, do you think about that for a second? If you're like, well, my life, it's not very great, and boohoo and my bank account and all of this stuff. If you complain about the small blessings that you do have, why would you ever be trusted with more? People don't think about it this way. And I don't mean in like some mystical way where the universe is like keeping score and like with a notebook or anything like that. No, you see, the person who's grateful for what they have and takes care of it and sees himself as a steward of what they have, they notice more, they are better at everything. They do better. People want to work with them. They act from like a full tank instead of an empty tank so they last longer. They don't burn out in year three of building something, so they're still standing in year 10 where everything starts to compound later on. So, like, gratitude doesn't, like, just, like, summon the blessing? That's what I'm trying. Not what I'm trying to say. Gratitude makes you the kind of person who can handle the blessing when it compounds and becomes greater than you thought that it could be. And so I really want you to think about this question, because I have an honest question for you. Okay. If right now you were handed everything that you say you want right now, today, in this moment, but you still have the exact same identity and operating system that you've always had, would you enjoy it, or would you eventually find something wrong with it in, like, six weeks, like you've done with everything that you have now? It's a real question I want you to think about. Because no amount of success or achievement will ever change how you feel inside. Right? You fix the internal, and the external changes. You fix the external. It doesn't change the internal. So how do you train this before I give you the actual steps on how to train it? Well, there's one thing. There was a study that was done out of Indiana University where they had people do a gratitude exercise every morning. And then three months later, they scanned their brains. They found out that the people who had the gratitude group showed a greater activity in the medial prefrontal cortex. That's the part of your brain that gives things meaning. Which means that gratitude actually changes your brain. So gratitude is not like, it fluffy stuff. It's an actual practice. It's mental training to change your brain. So let me give you the step by step process. The first one is this. Get specific. And I mean, like, painfully specific. Most gratitude practices fall short because people are like I'm. And they just take, like, a bucket of life. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my job. Like, those are, like, categories in life. And your brain has heard my family 10,000 times. So I want you to go, like, more granular. You could say, I'm grateful for my son. Yes. Or, but you can even go more granular than that. I'm grateful for the specific way that he says words wrong that I know he's going to grow out of in a few months. I'm so grateful for how fucking cute it is when he wants to say crackers and he says coggies instead. I'm so grateful for when My son wants to say avocado and he says kapu. Right? Like, I'm so much more. I'm even, like, feeling good about that right now, thinking about how he does that. Right? So the more detailed that you can be in your gratitude, the better. That's number one. Number two, I want you to catch the complaint and convert it, okay? You can't stop your first thought, but you can always change your second thought, right? And so this week, I want you to catch yourself complaining. You will do it. And don't shame yourself for it. Just ask yourself one question when you complain. What in this exact situation would I miss if it was gone? Right? So let's say, like, you're stuck in traffic. What in this exact situation would I miss if it was gone? Well, if my car was gone. Like, I'm really grateful actually that I do have a car, because a lot of people don't have a car, right? Okay. There's something I can be grateful for. Like, let's say you're slammed at work, right? What in this exact situation would I actually miss if it were gone? My job. If my job were gone? Like, people want to make the amount of money that I make or, shit, some people just want a job. So I'm grateful that I do have a job and I can pay my bills, right? Or like, your kid is being crazy, because we know kids can be crazy. What in this exact situation would I actually miss if it were gone? Your kid is alive, your kid is in the house, your kid is healthy. So much to be grateful for in the moment. So we can take our complaints and by asking ourselves that question, completely change the way that we feel. And you're not lying to yourself about anything. You're just refusing to let your brain run old patterns of complaining when there's something right in front of you, you can be grateful for, right? And you're choosing to get stronger in the gratitude parts of your brain. You're finding gratitude, right? So that's number two. Number three, last one terminated in action. This is where, like, what separates gratitude from, like, passivity. Every time you get grateful, close it with a question. So ask yourself when you talk about your gratitude. Practice. So what am I going to do with it? Right? So let's say you're grateful for the fact that you are so healthy right now. What am I going to do with it? I'm going to go use my body, right? I'm grateful for my business, okay, so what am I going to do with it? I'm going to go Serve a client better today. Because gratitude that stops at just a feeling is just that. It's just a feeling. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you really want to etch it into your DNA, gratitude that has a feeling and then ends in action, that's like stewardship of the thing that you're grateful for. Right? That's the loop. Get grateful for it. So you take care of it. And if you take care of it, it grows. And if it grows, that means there's going to be more for you to be grateful for. Okay? And so here's what I want you to do. I want you to write this down, answer this question. What am I currently treating as not enough that I once prayed for? I promise you, every person listening to me, there is something in your life that you're stepping over on the way to your complaining about something else. There's a version of you, five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago, who would love to have something that you have now. Question number two. If nothing external changed for the next 12 months, what would I have to change inside of me for that to be a good year? Whatever comes up for that one. That's the actual work. Because you're not unhappy because your life is too small. I promise you that. You're unhappy because you've spent so many years training the part of your brain that chases, and you have spent no time at all on the part of your brain that feels gratitude. And the more that you do gratitude, the more that part of your brain actually starts to strengthen. You can fix it. It's like a muscle, but you just never really went to the gym for that one. And when you fix it, you don't get soft, you don't lose your edge, you don't lose your ambition. You become somebody who can outwork everybody else. Because now you're not running from past trauma. And that's what gives you your quote unquote ambition. You're running because you're grateful. And you want to create even more things to be grateful for. Because when you achieve the things that you're working towards and you allow yourself to actually feel it, you'll be more excited to actually run and go get that thing. Because in all honesty, if we're building these lives, what's the point of building a beautiful life if you don't actually truly let yourself enjoy it? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag Me Robdile Jr R O B D I A L J R. And once again, if you love this podcast, these are like 15 to 20 minutes. Imagine what it would be like if you and I had three days full immersion in person, working on deconstructing your old beliefs and habits and patterns and fears and reconstructing you into the person that you need to be so that you can break through to the next level. That is what we're going to do at Freedom Live 2026. So go to freedomlive2026.com once again, freedomlive2026.com join us and I'll see you in Austin, Texas. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
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