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[00:00]
A
I've been in this library for six hours. I'm out of snacks and energy. Plus I just realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Oh girl, you're a mess. Let's run to Target. Let's rtt. We'll grab some protein chips, body spray and deodorant. And we get 20% off with target Circle so we can get those great face masks for our self care Sundays. I love an SCS. Let's get out of here. College students get 20% off their next purchase with Target Circle subject to terms. Visit target.comcircle for more details.
[00:30]
B
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[01:07]
A
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[01:11]
B
Like what?
[01:11]
A
You can keep your phone and your number and T Mobile helps pay it off up to $800 per line.
[01:16]
B
So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone?
[01:17]
A
Yep. Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans. Nice. Find your reason@t mobile.com
[01:27]
B
via virtual prepaid guard card typically takes 15 days after rebate Submission price guarantee on Talk, text and 5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Foreign. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob. Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
[01:51]
C
If you're out there and you want
[01:52]
B
to create the perfect morning routine, go to theperfectmorningroutine.com right now and get my free workbook and video on exactly the step by step process according to science and of how to create a perfect morning routine. Once again, that is the perfect morning routine. Com. Today I'm going to talk to you about how to stop acting like you are an audience member of your own life and to actually take control of your own life so that you can change where you're going. Because I want you to imagine getting to the end of your life looking back at Everything you accomplished, everything you did in realizing that you only lived to about 60% of. Of what you were capable of because you spent decades obeying limits that were never even actually real in reality, they were only real in your mind. Limits that you didn't choose, but they were inherited in your life. Limits that decided how much money you believed you could make, what kind of relationships you felt like you deserved, how big you were allowed to dream and how big you were allowed to act. And because they were taught to you as normal, you, you never even question them. That's what scares me the most. More than anything else, I never want to look back on my life and realize that I half lived my life. And I think so many people do this. I think there's tens of millions of people who spend their entire lives inside of invisible prisons that they don't even know that they're living in. And if you don't recognize the prison that you're in and actually work past it, you'll never actually really escape it. So today I want to show you what where that prison came from, why it exists in all of us, and how to see it pop up multiple times a day. And then the step by step process for you to follow so that you can get outside of it, and then you can live a life that's up to your potential. Okay, so let's dive in. Now, if I asked you straight up, hey, are you waiting to be rescued in your life? I guarantee most people listening to this podcast would say no, of course not. No one's going to really say yes to that. But let me tell you why it might be true. See, most people are living their lives as if they're just an audience member and not the main character. So many people are waiting for the right time. They're waiting until they feel ready. They're waiting for the economy to change. They're waiting until their kids get a little bit older. They're waiting for a sign. They're waiting for the motivation to hit them to change. They're waiting for the perfect opportunity to. To just land into their lap. Or they're waiting for. For somebody at their job to finally notice how hard they've been working and give them that promotion that they feel they deserve. The key is they are waiting. They're waiting for a version of their life to show up that they have never actually taken any action to create, let that land for a second. That's how most people are living their lives. They're just thinking that someone's going to gift them the life that they want and they haven't changed themselves or anything around them. Have you ever felt that way? Like, I know I have definitely felt that way when I was younger. Because to be honest, that is what trying to be saved and waiting to be saved looks like. It doesn't look like sitting there on the couch with your hand out. It looks like doing just enough to get by, maybe even a little bit more, but still inside of your comfort zone, like, hoping that life will eventually hand you whatever it is that you want. And it won't. It's not going to. Because the universe isn't running like a customer service department. There's no manager that's going to come out and say, hey, Sally, you know what? You've been really patient. We're going to go ahead and give you. We're going to upgrade the entire life that you have for you. Don't worry, you don't have to change anything. We'll go ahead and do it for you. Right? That's how most people live their lives. Like, they're just waiting for it to happen. But your life will only change when you change. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's the entire mechanism. And I know you know that because you're listening to this podcast, but are you actually taking action in your life? Because I get emails from people like Rob. I listen to every single episode, but I'm not taking any action. What should I do? And so the real question isn't, why hasn't my life changed? The real question is, why do so many of us, smart people, hardworking people, good people with so much talent, why do we unconsciously live like somebody else is in charge of it, and they're just going to come and gift us the life that we want? And I've thought really, really deeply about this subject because this is what I hear from a lot of people. And I want you to think about the first 18 years of your life, right? Like, I always think, like, how did we get trained to be this way? And you have to understand, from the moment that you were born until the moment you graduated high school, somebody else was probably telling you what to do. And for the most part, like, I understand everyone listening, your childhood and teenage years were all completely different. But for the most part, somebody told you when to wake up. Somebody told you what to wear. Somebody told you what to learn and when to learn it. Somebody told you when you were allowed to eat and when you were allowed to speak, you literally had to raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the bathroom in school. That's one of the most basic things that a human being does, and we had to get permission to do it. Think about how that trains your psyche of what's possible for you. For 12 years, you had someone in charge of if you were able to go to the potty or not, right? So for at least 18 years, for most people, that is external authority. 18 years of the answers and the authority coming from outside of you. 18 years of your entire job being, follow the instructions, don't get in trouble, wait to be told what to do. And then you turn 18 and society goes, all right, cool. Go be an adult now. Go figure out your career. Go figure out your money, your relationships, your health, your purpose. Go figure out your life.
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C
Good luck.
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And then they smack you on the butt and say, go figure out your fucking life. But nothing inside of you has actually changed. Do you get that? Nothing was switched on. You had a birthday. That's it. Like, have you ever thought about that? I've thought really, really deeply about this as to why people are still not doing what they want to in their life. And the really, really interesting part about all of this is that in our Western society, this is normal. But for most of human history, there was, like, a moment. There was an actual moment where you were no longer a child. And almost every single culture had one. The Maasai had it. Indigenous cultures had vision quests, Aboriginal cultures had a walkabout. Native cultures had a rite of passage. The moment where you were no longer a child and you were now an adult. A big moment where something happened and you were different. And we will be right back.
[08:40]
C
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[11:32]
B
boardroom, NetSuite AI Dial and now back to the show. And what do we do in the Western world? Well, you get your driver's license when you turn 16, you got a graduation cap. You were able to get drunk at 21 if you wanted to. Like, I guess that's our rite of passage. But we don't really have like a moment in our culture where somebody hands you the authority over in your own life and says it's yours now, it's on you. And so I think a huge number of people never actually take the wheel of their life, which is why I say that they're living like an audience member in their life. But there's a lot of people that are like 47 years old walking around this world who are unconsciously still living under their parents rules. Like they've got a mortgage, they've got three kids, they've got a job, they might have a company where they run a team of 20 people. And there's still some part of them that feels like that kid who's about to get in trouble. Now that you listen, start to notice it around you, notice it within yourself first off, and then notice it around other people. Most people have become an adult physically, but not fully become an adult mentally. And so here's what happens with all of that. Those first 18 years. They don't teach you just information. They build you an invisible box that you're probably right now still in. The walls of that box are made out of everything you absorbed before you were old enough to have any say in it. What your parents believe about money, what your family thought was realistic for people like you, what your town thought was possible for you. What you got praised for, so you did more of it. What you got shamed for, so you stopped doing it. What you saw your dad do when things got hard, what you watched your mom settle for all of those things and it creates an invisible box. And you didn't choose any of it. You just downloaded it unconsciously. Your brain was a sponge and it soaked up whatever environment it was sitting in. And so now 20, 30, 40 years later, you're walking around with a set of rules of what's possible for you. And you think those rules are facts. We call them beliefs. That's just what you believe. They're not facts at all. They're just the size of the room that you grew up in. To give you an example, like, you've probably heard the thing about fleas, right? If you take a flea and you put it inside of a jar and you leave the lid off, the flea is gone. It's going to jump right out of it. They can jump like something like a hundred times their body length. It's out of there instantly. But if you put a lid on top of that jar with the flea in it, the flea jumps, it smacks his head into the lid. It jumps and smacks its head, jumps and smacks its head into the lid. And after a while, it's learned that the lid is there, and it stops jumping high enough to hit the lid, and it starts dumping just below the lid, like, just below, just right underneath it. And then here's the part that gets me. You take the lid off, and the flea never jumps higher than the lid again. It stays the exact same height forever. It never. It has the opportunity to be free. It never jumps out and gets free. There's nothing above it, but it doesn't jump any higher. And it will spend the rest of its life jumping to the height of the lid that isn't even there anymore. And if it has babies in that jar, they will learn to jump to that height, too. And the babies will not ever hit the lid or jump out of where the lid once was, because they learn from watching, and it's in their DNA. And because most of us hit a lid somewhere between the age of 0 and 18 years old, probably many times with our parents and what was possible, we've never actually jumped or tried to jump past that since that day the lid came off a long time ago, but nobody ever told us. And so here's what I actually believe, and I want you to really, like, sit with this one. I think most people who are doing, like, well in life, like, really, really well in life, are only living up to about 60 to 70% of their actual potential. Like, let me say that again. Not people who are just, like, not doing well. People who are doing really, really well in life, I think they're only living to about 60 to 70% of their. And they will spend their entire lives there and not getting anywhere past it, and they'll never really know it. And that's the tragedy is because it doesn't feel like 60% when you're the person who's living that life. It feels like 100%. But that's because you're inside of the invisible box. The walls of the box feel like edges of reality, but they're not. And so you could look at your life and you could go, you know what? I'm doing pretty well. Like, I'm doing better than my parents did. I'm doing better than most people that I graduated with. I'm doing better than what's realistic for somebody in my situation. And you are Right you are. But that's the exact problem, because you have a picture in your head of your potential based off of where you came from. You need to understand something about that picture. That picture is not your potential. That picture is the potential based off of your conditioning that you have of yourself. And I really want you to understand this. Your brain has built a picture of out of evidence. And where did that evidence come from? It came from what you've seen, who raised you, where you live, what you watched other people around you do, what you've already done in your life so far. That's the whole data set. Like, I remember being 29 years old and being like, I'm doing way better than everyone that I grew up with, everyone that I know what I'm supposed to be at this point in time in my life, but I was like, I know I'm still not even close to what I could be, though. And so your brain will not, and I mean, it will not show you a version of yourself that it has zero evidence for. Most of the time. It's not really designed to do that. Right. And so the ceiling that you think is possible, like is your ceiling, is really just the highest point of what you believe is possible, not what's actually possible. And if that's true, and I really do believe that it is, then here's the sentence I want you to write down somewhere. Pull over to the side of the road, whatever you need to do. Put in your notes tab inside of your phone, because I think it's one of the most important sentences that I've ever said on the podcast. If you don't get out of the box that you're unconsciously in, the absolute best that you can ever do is become the greatest version of your limited self. The best version of you inside of the box. You can optimize the box. You can get up earlier, you can have a better morning routine, you can read more books, you can cold plunge, you can have another productivity system. You can get more discipline and you will get better. You will, but you'll get better inside of the box. You'll go from 60% to maybe 70%. Maybe if you really optimize your life, 80%, you'll become extremely impressive. A very well organized flea is basically right, jumping to the top of the jar. But then outside of that jar, there's another 20, 30, 40% of your potential outside of that jar, depending on where you currently are right now. That's the potential you actually have, not the potential that you think that you have the actual potential that you have, the potential that exists outside of what you've always been, outside of what you were raised, outside of where you live, outside of what your family believes is realistic, outside of the identity that you got handed before you could read anything. And you can't really see it. That's the whole trick of this world. You can't see it because it's never been there. We're not trying to figure out, hey, like, what's up there? Where is it everything? Like, where? How far can I go? You're not trying to figure it out from the box. The work is to break the box, break the jar, break the lid, whatever it is that you want to call it, so that a new view becomes available to you. When you get past your old identity, your old fears, your old limiting beliefs, you'll realize how much those things actually clouded your vision of what was possible and made you unable to see what was truly possible for you and for your potential as well. And so how do we get out of this? Give me a step by step process, Rob. Okay, I'll give you one. First thing is this. Number one, you need to find out who you're still waiting on. Get a pen and paper, not your phone, an actual pen and paper, and answer this question. What am I waiting for before I let myself go all in on my life? Write down everything, right? Until I have more money, until the kids are older, till I feel confident, until I know that it'll work, until my spouse is on board. Whatever it is, just get it out of your head and get onto a piece of paper, right? And then next to each one of those, answer the second question. Who exactly is going to give me that? Who exactly is going to give me that? And I want you to actually try and name them. A real person. Who is it for? Almost every single one of them, you're going to find out the answer is nobody. There is nobody. There is no name to write down. That can seem depressing, but it's not depressing. It's freeing. Because it means the only person that you've been waiting on this entire time was you. But you unconsciously been waiting for someone else to come and help you out, right? And that's not going to happen. It's your turn to act like the main character in your life, right? So that's number one. Number two, I want you to actually go through and audit the rules that you never agreed to. I want you to find your rules and your beliefs that you're living your life by. This is a huge one. Write down 10 beliefs that you carry about what is realistic for you in your life, in your money, in your career, in your relationships, in your body, and how much success a person like you gets to have. And then right next to each one of these, you're going to ask two questions. Number one, where did I get this? And number two, who taught it to me? Where did I get this? I got, at this point in time in my life, and who taught it to me? This was my mom. Right? Because I promise you, some of those, most of them are not going to be yours. You're going to hear your dad a little bit. You're going to hear your mom a little bit. You're going to hear a teacher a little bit. You're going to hear your aunt or your grandpa. You're going to hear somebody that said to you when you were, you know, nine years old that you have been organizing your entire life around, and you haven't even realized it. And you don't break a belief unless you question it. You don't have to fight the belief. It's not a battle. You just have to see it. And you have to see that you never chose it. And you have to see, you know what? Actually, I don't want to believe this anymore. Because the second that you realize that you inherited it instead of chose it, it loses most of its power over you. And it goes from being a fact in your mind, a fact in the world, to seeing it as something that some other person gave you and handed you when you were younger. And it's just their opinion. Okay, so that's number two. Number three is for you to take the authority back. Stop unconsciously outsourcing your life to someone that isn't living it. The next time you have a decision to make and you catch yourself about to call somebody or thinking differently or acting like your mom or act like your dad, whatever it might be. Don't sit down. Ask yourself, what do you actually think? And then you decide, Think about a life outside of what you've been thinking. Start with asking yourself, what? What is the life that you actually want? And detail it. And then ask yourself, yeah, and then what? But what else? But what else? But what else? And force yourself to try to see further on the horizon than you've been allowing yourself to see. Like you could ask yourself, If I have 3650 perfect days, 10 days of perfect days in a row with absolutely no restrictions, where could my life be? And you'll realize that you have been restricting Your own dreams, your own potential, what you are capable of. So that's number three. And then number four, collect evidence for outside of your box. You cannot think your way out of your box. And I want to be clear about that. You will not read your way out of it. You will not journal your way out of it. All of those things are good. But I want you understand, you have to act your way out of it because the box is made out of what was taught to you. And the only thing that dissolves that is evidence. Evidence that outside of what we thought was possible, is possible. So every day, do one thing that exists outside of the box, one thing that the old version of you would have needed permission for. Like send the message, make the phone call, make the Ask 10x the number that you want to make this year, apply for the thing that you're not even close to being qualified for. And it's going to feel wrong. And I want to prepare you for that. It's going to feel like you're doing something you're not allowed to do. And that's your whole system. It's going to light up and it's going to tell you to sit back down. That feeling is not a warning. It's just the lid. And that's how you know that you found it. So here's the part that I want to leave you with, okay? Everything that you've been taught in your childhood, everything that your parents taught you, all of those rules, all of those beliefs, all of those things of what's realistic for you, it was probably built to protect you. It was never built to make you great. Those are two completely different jobs. Protection and greatness. And safe was the right goal when you were seven, but it's not the right goal for you now. So that lid came off a long time ago and you're just jumping to the same height, even though it's not there anymore. And you are not put on this earth to spend 80 years becoming the greatest version of your limited self. Nobody's coming. And that's the best news you've ever gotten because it means that this life is yours to change now. You just have to go out and change it. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me obdialjr. R O B D I A L J R. And once again, if you want to download my free workbook and
[24:30]
C
video on how to create the perfect
[24:32]
B
morning routine based in science, go to the perfect morning routine.com right now and download it for free. And with that, I am going to leave you the same way leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
[24:50]
A
Wow, you're still drinking soda?
[24:52]
B
Yeah, it's Zevia Creamy Root Beer.
[24:55]
A
Isn't soda full of sugar and bad?
[24:57]
C
Nah, Zevia doesn't have sugar or fake like other sodas.
[25:01]
A
Okay, but does it taste like.
[25:04]
B
Here, try one.
[25:08]
A
Oh, this is delicious.
[25:10]
B
Told ya. Zevia.
[25:12]
C
It's soda made better.
[25:13]
A
No?
[25:14]
C
Find Zevia Creamy Root Beer, Orange Creamsicle
[25:17]
B
and more flavors at your local grocery store.
[25:19]
A
This year's girls trip to Telluride was the best. We one upped ourselves with my Sapphire Preferred card. And with 5x points on Chase Travel, plus 3 times points on vacation homes, plus with top brands, we got this incredible cabin. It was a mansion. And with three times the points on dining, we ordered a Wagyu steak dinner. And that pistachio gelato was too good. So where should we go next year? I've got ideas. Chase Sapphire preferred the card that's preferred for a reason. Cards issued by JPMorgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going further. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.

Summary6 min read

Podcast Summary: The Mindset Mentor with Rob Dial

Episode: How to Stop Living Below Your Potential
Date: August 12, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Rob Dial tackles the deeply ingrained mindset patterns that prevent us from reaching our true potential. By blending psychology, early development, and robust personal anecdotes, Rob examines how most people unconsciously live as “audience members” in their own lives, living within invisible boundaries set during childhood. He offers not only a clear explanation of why most people settle for less but also a step-by-step process to break free from these limits and step fully into the life one is meant to live.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Are You an Audience Member in Your Own Life?

(02:15) Rob challenges listeners to consider if they're waiting for life to "rescue" them:
- Many people behave as if they're just watchers, not the main characters.
- Life changes only when you change—no one is coming to do it for you.
- "The universe isn't running like a customer service department ... there's no manager that's going to come out and say 'Hey, Sally ... we're going to upgrade the entire life that you have for you.'"
  — Rob Dial (03:22)

2. How We Inherit Invisible Limits

(04:50) We unconsciously obey invisible boundaries learned in childhood:
- From birth through 18, someone else (parents, teachers) was usually in charge.
- We're taught to seek authority and permission, not autonomy.
- This conditioning means "adulthood" isn’t a switch that automatically flips.
- "For at least 18 years, for most people, that is external authority. 18 years of your entire job being, follow the instructions, don’t get in trouble, wait to be told what to do."
  — Rob Dial (06:53)

3. The Absence of Rites of Passage

(07:45) Historically, cultures had explicit rites of passage. Today, Western society lacks substantial moments signaling true adulthood or autonomy.
- Instead, we get a driver's license, graduate, have a legal drinking age—but nothing truly confers adult authority.
- Without a clear handover, people remain unconsciously obedient to childhood rules.
- "Most people have become an adult physically, but not fully become an adult mentally."
  — Rob Dial (12:15)

4. The "Invisible Box" & The Flea Analogy

(12:40) Rob introduces the "invisible box" analogy:
- Our upbringing deeply shapes our limiting beliefs about money, success, relationships, etc.
- These inherited beliefs govern us more than reality does.
- Using the flea-in-the-jar analogy:
  - Fleas only jump as high as they’ve been conditioned, even after the lid is removed.
  - "The babies will not ever hit the lid or jump out of where the lid once was, because they learn from watching, and it's in their DNA."
    — Rob Dial (15:40)

5. Potential vs. Conditioning

(18:20) Most people—even successful ones—only live at 60–70% of their potential:
- The bar is set by our upbringing, not by what's truly possible.
- When you compare yourself to your upbringing ("I'm doing better than my parents or classmates"), you might feel you're at 100%, but you're only maximizing within the box.
- "If you don't get out of the box that you're unconsciously in, the absolute best that you can ever do is become the greatest version of your limited self."
  — Rob Dial (19:55)

Step-By-Step Process: Breaking Out of the Box

1. Find Out Who You’re Waiting For

(20:45) Write down what you're waiting for before you go "all in" on your life.
Next to each item, ask: “Who exactly is going to give me that?”
Realization: It’s usually no one. You’re waiting for yourself.
"The only person that you've been waiting on this entire time was you."
— Rob Dial (21:30)

2. Audit the Rules You Never Agreed To

(22:00) List 10 beliefs about what’s realistic for you.
For each, ask: Where did I get this? Who taught it to me?
Notice which beliefs aren't actually your own, but inherited from parents, teachers, or society.
"You don't break a belief unless you question it. ... The second that you realize that you inherited it instead of chose it, it loses most of its power over you."
— Rob Dial (22:35)

3. Take Back Authority

(23:10) Stop unconsciously outsourcing big life decisions.
Instead of defaulting to others' opinions, ask yourself what you want.
Define what your life could look like without restrictions—push your horizon.
"Start with asking yourself: what is the life that you actually want? ... and force yourself to try to see further on the horizon than you've been allowing yourself to see."
— Rob Dial (23:30)

4. Collect Evidence Outside Your Box

(23:55) Action, not just thinking or journaling, dissolves the box.
Challenging the box feels uncomfortable—your system will resist.
Each day, do something that the "boxed-in" version of you would never dare.
- Apply for a job, ask for a raise, reach out to someone, etc.
"You cannot think your way out of your box ... you have to act your way out of it because the box is made out of what was taught to you, and the only thing that dissolves that is evidence."
— Rob Dial (24:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Your life will only change when you change. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's the entire mechanism.”
— Rob Dial (03:40)
"Most people are living their lives as if they're just an audience member and not the main character."
— Rob Dial (02:55)
"If you don't get out of the box that you're unconsciously in, the absolute best that you can ever do is become the greatest version of your limited self."
— Rob Dial (19:55)
"Safe was the right goal when you were seven, but it's not the right goal for you now."
— Rob Dial (24:15)
"Nobody's coming. And that's the best news you've ever gotten because it means that this life is yours to change now. You just have to go out and change it."
— Rob Dial (24:23)

Key Timestamps

01:26 — Episode Introduction
02:15 — Living as an audience member; waiting for change
04:50 — External authority in childhood and shaping of self
07:45 — Absence of “rites of passage” in Western culture
12:40 — The “invisible box” and flea-in-the-jar analogy
18:20 — Reality of living below true potential
19:55 — “Greatest version of your limited self”
20:45 — Step 1: Who are you waiting for?
22:00 — Step 2: Audit inherited rules
23:10 — Step 3: Take back authority
23:55 — Step 4: Act outside your box
24:15 — The message about safety, greatness, and taking ownership

Takeaways

Rob Dial’s episode is a passionate wake-up call to step into agency and radically question the conditioning that shapes your life’s limits. Through sharp analogies and practical exercises, he empowers listeners to move from passive observers to engaged creators—insisting that the true path to potential is not inherited, but claimed through intentional action.

For more actionable tools, Rob invites listeners to download his free morning routine workbook at theperfectmorningroutine.com.

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Transcript29 lines

[00:00]
A
I've been in this library for six hours. I'm out of snacks and energy. Plus I just realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Oh girl, you're a mess. Let's run to Target. Let's rtt. We'll grab some protein chips, body spray and deodorant. And we get 20% off with target Circle so we can get those great face masks for our self care Sundays. I love an SCS. Let's get out of here. College students get 20% off their next purchase with Target Circle subject to terms. Visit target.comcircle for more details.
[00:30]
B
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[01:07]
A
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[01:11]
B
Like what?
[01:11]
A
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[01:16]
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So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone?
[01:17]
A
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[01:27]
B
via virtual prepaid guard card typically takes 15 days after rebate Submission price guarantee on Talk, text and 5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Foreign. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob. Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode.
[01:51]
C
If you're out there and you want
[01:52]
B
to create the perfect morning routine, go to theperfectmorningroutine.com right now and get my free workbook and video on exactly the step by step process according to science and of how to create a perfect morning routine. Once again, that is the perfect morning routine. Com. Today I'm going to talk to you about how to stop acting like you are an audience member of your own life and to actually take control of your own life so that you can change where you're going. Because I want you to imagine getting to the end of your life looking back at Everything you accomplished, everything you did in realizing that you only lived to about 60% of. Of what you were capable of because you spent decades obeying limits that were never even actually real in reality, they were only real in your mind. Limits that you didn't choose, but they were inherited in your life. Limits that decided how much money you believed you could make, what kind of relationships you felt like you deserved, how big you were allowed to dream and how big you were allowed to act. And because they were taught to you as normal, you, you never even question them. That's what scares me the most. More than anything else, I never want to look back on my life and realize that I half lived my life. And I think so many people do this. I think there's tens of millions of people who spend their entire lives inside of invisible prisons that they don't even know that they're living in. And if you don't recognize the prison that you're in and actually work past it, you'll never actually really escape it. So today I want to show you what where that prison came from, why it exists in all of us, and how to see it pop up multiple times a day. And then the step by step process for you to follow so that you can get outside of it, and then you can live a life that's up to your potential. Okay, so let's dive in. Now, if I asked you straight up, hey, are you waiting to be rescued in your life? I guarantee most people listening to this podcast would say no, of course not. No one's going to really say yes to that. But let me tell you why it might be true. See, most people are living their lives as if they're just an audience member and not the main character. So many people are waiting for the right time. They're waiting until they feel ready. They're waiting for the economy to change. They're waiting until their kids get a little bit older. They're waiting for a sign. They're waiting for the motivation to hit them to change. They're waiting for the perfect opportunity to. To just land into their lap. Or they're waiting for. For somebody at their job to finally notice how hard they've been working and give them that promotion that they feel they deserve. The key is they are waiting. They're waiting for a version of their life to show up that they have never actually taken any action to create, let that land for a second. That's how most people are living their lives. They're just thinking that someone's going to gift them the life that they want and they haven't changed themselves or anything around them. Have you ever felt that way? Like, I know I have definitely felt that way when I was younger. Because to be honest, that is what trying to be saved and waiting to be saved looks like. It doesn't look like sitting there on the couch with your hand out. It looks like doing just enough to get by, maybe even a little bit more, but still inside of your comfort zone, like, hoping that life will eventually hand you whatever it is that you want. And it won't. It's not going to. Because the universe isn't running like a customer service department. There's no manager that's going to come out and say, hey, Sally, you know what? You've been really patient. We're going to go ahead and give you. We're going to upgrade the entire life that you have for you. Don't worry, you don't have to change anything. We'll go ahead and do it for you. Right? That's how most people live their lives. Like, they're just waiting for it to happen. But your life will only change when you change. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's the entire mechanism. And I know you know that because you're listening to this podcast, but are you actually taking action in your life? Because I get emails from people like Rob. I listen to every single episode, but I'm not taking any action. What should I do? And so the real question isn't, why hasn't my life changed? The real question is, why do so many of us, smart people, hardworking people, good people with so much talent, why do we unconsciously live like somebody else is in charge of it, and they're just going to come and gift us the life that we want? And I've thought really, really deeply about this subject because this is what I hear from a lot of people. And I want you to think about the first 18 years of your life, right? Like, I always think, like, how did we get trained to be this way? And you have to understand, from the moment that you were born until the moment you graduated high school, somebody else was probably telling you what to do. And for the most part, like, I understand everyone listening, your childhood and teenage years were all completely different. But for the most part, somebody told you when to wake up. Somebody told you what to wear. Somebody told you what to learn and when to learn it. Somebody told you when you were allowed to eat and when you were allowed to speak, you literally had to raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the bathroom in school. That's one of the most basic things that a human being does, and we had to get permission to do it. Think about how that trains your psyche of what's possible for you. For 12 years, you had someone in charge of if you were able to go to the potty or not, right? So for at least 18 years, for most people, that is external authority. 18 years of the answers and the authority coming from outside of you. 18 years of your entire job being, follow the instructions, don't get in trouble, wait to be told what to do. And then you turn 18 and society goes, all right, cool. Go be an adult now. Go figure out your career. Go figure out your money, your relationships, your health, your purpose. Go figure out your life.
[07:45]
C
Good luck.
[07:46]
B
And then they smack you on the butt and say, go figure out your fucking life. But nothing inside of you has actually changed. Do you get that? Nothing was switched on. You had a birthday. That's it. Like, have you ever thought about that? I've thought really, really deeply about this as to why people are still not doing what they want to in their life. And the really, really interesting part about all of this is that in our Western society, this is normal. But for most of human history, there was, like, a moment. There was an actual moment where you were no longer a child. And almost every single culture had one. The Maasai had it. Indigenous cultures had vision quests, Aboriginal cultures had a walkabout. Native cultures had a rite of passage. The moment where you were no longer a child and you were now an adult. A big moment where something happened and you were different. And we will be right back.
[08:40]
C
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[11:32]
B
boardroom, NetSuite AI Dial and now back to the show. And what do we do in the Western world? Well, you get your driver's license when you turn 16, you got a graduation cap. You were able to get drunk at 21 if you wanted to. Like, I guess that's our rite of passage. But we don't really have like a moment in our culture where somebody hands you the authority over in your own life and says it's yours now, it's on you. And so I think a huge number of people never actually take the wheel of their life, which is why I say that they're living like an audience member in their life. But there's a lot of people that are like 47 years old walking around this world who are unconsciously still living under their parents rules. Like they've got a mortgage, they've got three kids, they've got a job, they might have a company where they run a team of 20 people. And there's still some part of them that feels like that kid who's about to get in trouble. Now that you listen, start to notice it around you, notice it within yourself first off, and then notice it around other people. Most people have become an adult physically, but not fully become an adult mentally. And so here's what happens with all of that. Those first 18 years. They don't teach you just information. They build you an invisible box that you're probably right now still in. The walls of that box are made out of everything you absorbed before you were old enough to have any say in it. What your parents believe about money, what your family thought was realistic for people like you, what your town thought was possible for you. What you got praised for, so you did more of it. What you got shamed for, so you stopped doing it. What you saw your dad do when things got hard, what you watched your mom settle for all of those things and it creates an invisible box. And you didn't choose any of it. You just downloaded it unconsciously. Your brain was a sponge and it soaked up whatever environment it was sitting in. And so now 20, 30, 40 years later, you're walking around with a set of rules of what's possible for you. And you think those rules are facts. We call them beliefs. That's just what you believe. They're not facts at all. They're just the size of the room that you grew up in. To give you an example, like, you've probably heard the thing about fleas, right? If you take a flea and you put it inside of a jar and you leave the lid off, the flea is gone. It's going to jump right out of it. They can jump like something like a hundred times their body length. It's out of there instantly. But if you put a lid on top of that jar with the flea in it, the flea jumps, it smacks his head into the lid. It jumps and smacks its head, jumps and smacks its head into the lid. And after a while, it's learned that the lid is there, and it stops jumping high enough to hit the lid, and it starts dumping just below the lid, like, just below, just right underneath it. And then here's the part that gets me. You take the lid off, and the flea never jumps higher than the lid again. It stays the exact same height forever. It never. It has the opportunity to be free. It never jumps out and gets free. There's nothing above it, but it doesn't jump any higher. And it will spend the rest of its life jumping to the height of the lid that isn't even there anymore. And if it has babies in that jar, they will learn to jump to that height, too. And the babies will not ever hit the lid or jump out of where the lid once was, because they learn from watching, and it's in their DNA. And because most of us hit a lid somewhere between the age of 0 and 18 years old, probably many times with our parents and what was possible, we've never actually jumped or tried to jump past that since that day the lid came off a long time ago, but nobody ever told us. And so here's what I actually believe, and I want you to really, like, sit with this one. I think most people who are doing, like, well in life, like, really, really well in life, are only living up to about 60 to 70% of their actual potential. Like, let me say that again. Not people who are just, like, not doing well. People who are doing really, really well in life, I think they're only living to about 60 to 70% of their. And they will spend their entire lives there and not getting anywhere past it, and they'll never really know it. And that's the tragedy is because it doesn't feel like 60% when you're the person who's living that life. It feels like 100%. But that's because you're inside of the invisible box. The walls of the box feel like edges of reality, but they're not. And so you could look at your life and you could go, you know what? I'm doing pretty well. Like, I'm doing better than my parents did. I'm doing better than most people that I graduated with. I'm doing better than what's realistic for somebody in my situation. And you are Right you are. But that's the exact problem, because you have a picture in your head of your potential based off of where you came from. You need to understand something about that picture. That picture is not your potential. That picture is the potential based off of your conditioning that you have of yourself. And I really want you to understand this. Your brain has built a picture of out of evidence. And where did that evidence come from? It came from what you've seen, who raised you, where you live, what you watched other people around you do, what you've already done in your life so far. That's the whole data set. Like, I remember being 29 years old and being like, I'm doing way better than everyone that I grew up with, everyone that I know what I'm supposed to be at this point in time in my life, but I was like, I know I'm still not even close to what I could be, though. And so your brain will not, and I mean, it will not show you a version of yourself that it has zero evidence for. Most of the time. It's not really designed to do that. Right. And so the ceiling that you think is possible, like is your ceiling, is really just the highest point of what you believe is possible, not what's actually possible. And if that's true, and I really do believe that it is, then here's the sentence I want you to write down somewhere. Pull over to the side of the road, whatever you need to do. Put in your notes tab inside of your phone, because I think it's one of the most important sentences that I've ever said on the podcast. If you don't get out of the box that you're unconsciously in, the absolute best that you can ever do is become the greatest version of your limited self. The best version of you inside of the box. You can optimize the box. You can get up earlier, you can have a better morning routine, you can read more books, you can cold plunge, you can have another productivity system. You can get more discipline and you will get better. You will, but you'll get better inside of the box. You'll go from 60% to maybe 70%. Maybe if you really optimize your life, 80%, you'll become extremely impressive. A very well organized flea is basically right, jumping to the top of the jar. But then outside of that jar, there's another 20, 30, 40% of your potential outside of that jar, depending on where you currently are right now. That's the potential you actually have, not the potential that you think that you have the actual potential that you have, the potential that exists outside of what you've always been, outside of what you were raised, outside of where you live, outside of what your family believes is realistic, outside of the identity that you got handed before you could read anything. And you can't really see it. That's the whole trick of this world. You can't see it because it's never been there. We're not trying to figure out, hey, like, what's up there? Where is it everything? Like, where? How far can I go? You're not trying to figure it out from the box. The work is to break the box, break the jar, break the lid, whatever it is that you want to call it, so that a new view becomes available to you. When you get past your old identity, your old fears, your old limiting beliefs, you'll realize how much those things actually clouded your vision of what was possible and made you unable to see what was truly possible for you and for your potential as well. And so how do we get out of this? Give me a step by step process, Rob. Okay, I'll give you one. First thing is this. Number one, you need to find out who you're still waiting on. Get a pen and paper, not your phone, an actual pen and paper, and answer this question. What am I waiting for before I let myself go all in on my life? Write down everything, right? Until I have more money, until the kids are older, till I feel confident, until I know that it'll work, until my spouse is on board. Whatever it is, just get it out of your head and get onto a piece of paper, right? And then next to each one of those, answer the second question. Who exactly is going to give me that? Who exactly is going to give me that? And I want you to actually try and name them. A real person. Who is it for? Almost every single one of them, you're going to find out the answer is nobody. There is nobody. There is no name to write down. That can seem depressing, but it's not depressing. It's freeing. Because it means the only person that you've been waiting on this entire time was you. But you unconsciously been waiting for someone else to come and help you out, right? And that's not going to happen. It's your turn to act like the main character in your life, right? So that's number one. Number two, I want you to actually go through and audit the rules that you never agreed to. I want you to find your rules and your beliefs that you're living your life by. This is a huge one. Write down 10 beliefs that you carry about what is realistic for you in your life, in your money, in your career, in your relationships, in your body, and how much success a person like you gets to have. And then right next to each one of these, you're going to ask two questions. Number one, where did I get this? And number two, who taught it to me? Where did I get this? I got, at this point in time in my life, and who taught it to me? This was my mom. Right? Because I promise you, some of those, most of them are not going to be yours. You're going to hear your dad a little bit. You're going to hear your mom a little bit. You're going to hear a teacher a little bit. You're going to hear your aunt or your grandpa. You're going to hear somebody that said to you when you were, you know, nine years old that you have been organizing your entire life around, and you haven't even realized it. And you don't break a belief unless you question it. You don't have to fight the belief. It's not a battle. You just have to see it. And you have to see that you never chose it. And you have to see, you know what? Actually, I don't want to believe this anymore. Because the second that you realize that you inherited it instead of chose it, it loses most of its power over you. And it goes from being a fact in your mind, a fact in the world, to seeing it as something that some other person gave you and handed you when you were younger. And it's just their opinion. Okay, so that's number two. Number three is for you to take the authority back. Stop unconsciously outsourcing your life to someone that isn't living it. The next time you have a decision to make and you catch yourself about to call somebody or thinking differently or acting like your mom or act like your dad, whatever it might be. Don't sit down. Ask yourself, what do you actually think? And then you decide, Think about a life outside of what you've been thinking. Start with asking yourself, what? What is the life that you actually want? And detail it. And then ask yourself, yeah, and then what? But what else? But what else? But what else? And force yourself to try to see further on the horizon than you've been allowing yourself to see. Like you could ask yourself, If I have 3650 perfect days, 10 days of perfect days in a row with absolutely no restrictions, where could my life be? And you'll realize that you have been restricting Your own dreams, your own potential, what you are capable of. So that's number three. And then number four, collect evidence for outside of your box. You cannot think your way out of your box. And I want to be clear about that. You will not read your way out of it. You will not journal your way out of it. All of those things are good. But I want you understand, you have to act your way out of it because the box is made out of what was taught to you. And the only thing that dissolves that is evidence. Evidence that outside of what we thought was possible, is possible. So every day, do one thing that exists outside of the box, one thing that the old version of you would have needed permission for. Like send the message, make the phone call, make the Ask 10x the number that you want to make this year, apply for the thing that you're not even close to being qualified for. And it's going to feel wrong. And I want to prepare you for that. It's going to feel like you're doing something you're not allowed to do. And that's your whole system. It's going to light up and it's going to tell you to sit back down. That feeling is not a warning. It's just the lid. And that's how you know that you found it. So here's the part that I want to leave you with, okay? Everything that you've been taught in your childhood, everything that your parents taught you, all of those rules, all of those beliefs, all of those things of what's realistic for you, it was probably built to protect you. It was never built to make you great. Those are two completely different jobs. Protection and greatness. And safe was the right goal when you were seven, but it's not the right goal for you now. So that lid came off a long time ago and you're just jumping to the same height, even though it's not there anymore. And you are not put on this earth to spend 80 years becoming the greatest version of your limited self. Nobody's coming. And that's the best news you've ever gotten because it means that this life is yours to change now. You just have to go out and change it. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me obdialjr. R O B D I A L J R. And once again, if you want to download my free workbook and
[24:30]
C
video on how to create the perfect
[24:32]
B
morning routine based in science, go to the perfect morning routine.com right now and download it for free. And with that, I am going to leave you the same way leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.
[24:50]
A
Wow, you're still drinking soda?
[24:52]
B
Yeah, it's Zevia Creamy Root Beer.
[24:55]
A
Isn't soda full of sugar and bad?
[24:57]
C
Nah, Zevia doesn't have sugar or fake like other sodas.
[25:01]
A
Okay, but does it taste like.
[25:04]
B
Here, try one.
[25:08]
A
Oh, this is delicious.
[25:10]
B
Told ya. Zevia.
[25:12]
C
It's soda made better.
[25:13]
A
No?
[25:14]
C
Find Zevia Creamy Root Beer, Orange Creamsicle
[25:17]
B
and more flavors at your local grocery store.
[25:19]
A
This year's girls trip to Telluride was the best. We one upped ourselves with my Sapphire Preferred card. And with 5x points on Chase Travel, plus 3 times points on vacation homes, plus with top brands, we got this incredible cabin. It was a mansion. And with three times the points on dining, we ordered a Wagyu steak dinner. And that pistachio gelato was too good. So where should we go next year? I've got ideas. Chase Sapphire preferred the card that's preferred for a reason. Cards issued by JPMorgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going further. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.