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Start your love story on Bumble. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to it. The more positive ratings and reviews that we get, the more that those platforms actually show this podcast to people who have never listened to it before, which allows us to grow and improve and impact more people's lives. Today I'm going to talk to you about 10 things that you must eliminate from your life in order to have a great life. Because there's a version of you that is buried under everything that you were taught to tolerate, the people pleasing and the overthinking and the perfectionism, all of that. And I want you to understand that you're not stuck because you're lazy or unmotivated or something wrong with you. You're probably stuck because you're carrying so much dead weight. You have old beliefs, you have old identities, you have old wounds. And so this isn't about adding more to your to do list. This is about removing what is quietly killing your momentum in life. And so let's talk about these things that you need to eliminate to finally feel free. And, and I'm going to just hammer home through these quickly. Okay, the first one is this weird loyalty that you feel to a version of you that no longer exists. Like we all carry ghosts, old identities, old stories of ourselves. But I want you to understand that staying loyal to an outdated version of Yourself is the fastest way to suffocate your own growth. Your nervous system may still be wired for survival, not expansion, and that's something that happened during childhood. But just because you had to play small or be quiet or not be seen back then, doesn't mean that you still do now. You have to understand that you're allowed to evolve. You need to give yourself permission to evolve. You're allowed to be unrecognizable to yourself and to the people who love you. And your subconscious is wired to repeat, not to reinvent. So you're going to continue to repeat old versions of yourself over and over and over again if you do not step in the driver's seat and be intentional about doing something different. If your past is writing your present moment, then your future is already predictable and dead. Letting go isn't failure. It's the funeral of who you used to be that finally frees you. The next level of your life requires a new version of you, not a recycled version of you who survived the last season that you went through. If a snake does not shed its skin, it will suffocate. And you will suffocate all of your dreams if you do not let old parts of you die off. So that's the first thing. The second thing is this habit of self sabotage right before you break through. Have you ever noticed that right when things are about to start working, you self sabotage or you numb out, or you disappear, or you burn out in some sort of way? That's not a coincidence, it's conditioning. Your nervous system may not feel safe with success, so you create chaos because chaos might feel familiar to you or because burning it all down will keep you exactly where you are. Self sabotage is often self protection from a life that's bigger than you're used to or more than you're receiving in your current life? Once you're used to receiving or more than you think that you actually deserve, the closer that you get to a breakthrough, the louder that your inner critic is going to get. You're not afraid to fail. You're afraid of finally not failing, which is something that you've never been comfortable with. Even if you're miserable, you can be comfortable in misery and less comfortable in the unknown. And so you would rather just repeat the misery than to step off into the unknown and create something greater than you ever have. So that's number two. Number three is toxic people who drain your energy. This one is quick and super easy. You cannot heal in the same environment that hurts you, no matter how strong your boundaries are. The wrong people will always find a way to drain you. You get what you tolerate. You have to ask yourself what you're willing to tolerate for this next chapter in your life. You teach people how to speak to you. You either need to teach people how to speak to you differently or you need to let go of the people who drain your energy. So that's number three. Number four is this addiction that you have to the approval of others. Most people don't live, they perform. They're like a jester that's dancing for a king. And when you're addicted to the approval of other people, rejection doesn't just sting. Like it actually starts to feel like internal death because your identity is outsourced. And so you have been looking for other people to tell you that you're good enough your entire life versus actually just slowing down and realizing that you already are good enough. You can't become who you're meant to be if you're constantly just playing a character for other people. And if you're not careful, your dreams will slowly morph into whatever gets you the most praise from other people. People pleasing is self abandonment. Like let that one sink in for a minute. If you're a people pleaser, your self abandoning is what you're actually doing. Have you ever thought about that way? Your authenticity will cost you the approval of other people. You need to be able to stomach that. That's number four. Number five, you need to have everything figured out. You got to get rid of that. This obsession that you have with certainty is really just a trauma response. It's control that's disguised as, hey, I'm being responsible. If you want like a 10 year plan before you take one step forward, that is just the fear of the unknown. That's not wisdom. You don't need the whole puzzle in place just to take the next step. Most of the clarity that you will get in your life is, is just from movement in the right direction, not from sitting down and thinking about it. You're wasting a ton of energy trying to think your way through what can only be lived. And that's why you're overthinking and that's why it doesn't seem to make any sense. Because you've actually got to take action towards that thing. You've got to learn to live your life in the headlights. If you get into a car in the middle of the night and go for a drive, you can't see your destination. You can only see what the headlights light up in Front of you the next 100ft. And after you drive those 100ft, guess what happens? You can now see the next hundred feet and then the next and then the next. And so you're trying to plan out the entire route, when in reality you can't see the next a hundred feet in front of you. And so you've got to get better at ready, fire, aim. Which means you get ready, you take action, and then you make adjustments. Not you get ready and then you think for a little while and you think for a little bit longer and then you plan, and then you plan to plan and you plan to plan to plan. It's like you get ready, you take action, and you make adjustments along the way. Number five, you've got to get rid of this living in someday mode. Someday is where your dreams go to die. That's where they wither away at a job that you hate because you just been, you know, pushing your dreams down the road. Really what it is more than anything else is it's procrastination wrapped up in like, the comfort of soon, soon I'll do it. Like, you have to really be present. I've done episodes on this before about the fact that one day you're going to die. One day. So you've got to have that one day I'm going to die. Bring urgency to the present moment. That phrase one day, like one day I'll do it has buried more dreams than failure ever will. The brain loves this illusion of future safety because taking action right now requires risk. And so it rather just deflect and go, well, one day, someday in the future, I'll do it. You have to understand that the more overwhelmed you feel, the more attractive later seems. But later never comes. You and I both know that. And if something really truly matters to you, you need to schedule it. And you need to force yourself to do it. If you won't schedule it, stop pretending that it actually matters to you. So that's number six. Number seven is this fantasy that success will magically fix you. The more money, the more followers, the more likes, the more validation. None of that is going to heal your inner world. Success will only amplify what is already there. And I've said it before, but the only problems that money solves are money problems. So if you're using your dreams and your success that you want to escape yourself, you will build a life that will look really good to other people, but it's going to feel like a prison to you. And we will be right back. Most holiday gifts end up in the drawer. Not this one. Mint Mobile is offering unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month. That's their best deal of the year, aka the only holiday gift you'll actually use every day. I've been using Mint Mobile for my company phone for years and it's just as good as the other big companies that I use as well. Don't get them socks, get them Premium Wireless for $15 a month. 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And that's why for a lot of us people that quote unquote call ourselves overachievers, we say, oh well like the closer I get to my goal, then I'll push it further out and then push it for that. And I always say like our goals are like the horizon. The closer that we move towards it, the further and further it gets away. We'll never actually catch the horizon. So you have to understand you'll keep raising the bar and keep raising the bar and keep raising the bar because you're unconsciously running from your wounds. I want you to understand that a bigger bank account and more success doesn't fix a bankrupt sense of self worth. So that's number seven. Number eight, you need to stop neglecting your inner child. And this might sound kind of weird if you've never heard this before, but your inner child isn't gone. They're the one that is panicking inside of you when you're scared or when you're overreacting or when you're overthinking or when you're shutting down. That tantrum that you throw in an adult form is often just the seven year old version of yourself that that's looking for safety. Still so unprocessed, childhood pain doesn't just go away, it doesn't disappear. It just learns adult coping strategies like people pleasing or like being too controlling or learning to avoid. Most of your self sabotage is actually self protection from a wounded part of you. Think about that for a second. That's one of the truest things that you will ever hear. Most of your self sabotage is self protection from a wounded part of you from childhood. Re parenting yourself means you giving yourself what you needed. Then right now And I want you to understand, you're not crazy. You're just carrying unmet needs that deserve some compassion. Not some criticism, not hate, but some compassion. You need to learn to develop a relationship with that child who is still deeply inside of you. That child who needed a secure adult to give them something back then that an adult couldn't give them. Whether that be safety, whether that be love, whether that be a hug, whether it be emotional intelligence, whatever it might have been. Your healing, the version of you that needed something back then but didn't get it. That's what it looks like to actually reparent yourself. Number nine. Next thing, you need to get rid of perfectionism that is dressed up as high standards. Let's really call perfectionism what it is. You have a fear of being judged. Perfectionism is just anxiety that's dressed up a little bit cuter. That's really what it is. And we always say, like, oh, it's got to be perfect. If it's got to be perfect, it's got to be perfect. Really what you're saying is, if it's not perfect, I'm not safe. And that's a trauma response. You'll never build anything meaningful in your entire life if you're obsessed with not messing up because you are a human and you will mess up. Humans are flawed. We will make mistakes. And perfectionism kills all of the momentum in your entire life. So it's not about just going out and doing your best and all of that. It's really just about doing it for the sake of doing it, whatever it is. It's about putting yourself out there, doing it, making sure it gets done, screwing it up, and just realizing that done is better than perfect. Why? Because done exists. Guess what? Perfectionism doesn't exist and you know it. But you need to really, really feel it is the difference. And number 10, the 10th thing that you need to get rid of is, is your fear of failure. Failure isn't about failure at all. It's about what you make it mean about you. And here's the truth that you need to understand. You will fail. You know you'll fail, and that's the point. But you're afraid that failure will confirm your worst. Fear not. Fear is that you're not good enough. And so you try to avoid it. You try to run away from it. Most people rehearse failure in their minds so often that they never even risk success because they're so afraid of it. And so I want you to understand, you don't need more confidence what you need more than anything else is more courage. You need to develop a willingness to suck at something long enough until you get good. It's like the phrase I've said here many times, you will never be a graceful master if you will not let yourself be a foolish beginner. You have to fail. Failure, you know, is part of success. The creator of Honda has a quote that says, success is 99% failure. Failure is necessary to succeed. Failure builds resilience. And so you've got to learn to develop a muscle to run towards failure. Because really, more than anything else, that is where your growth lives. And so I want you to understand if this hits you in your chest, good, it's not meant to shame you in any sort of way. This is really meant to wake up parts of you that know that you're meant for more. You can't carry the old with you into the new life. One of them has to go. And so let it be the version of you that you really want to be, not the version of you that you used to be. And so that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in Obdial Junior R O B D I A L J R if you want to learn more about coaching with me outside the podcast, go to coachwithrobdiale. Once again, coach with rob.com and with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day. Go from skeptic to electric with the new Toyota bz hesitant about going all electric One drive can change your mind with up to an EPA estimated 314 mile range rating for front wheel drive models and available all wheel drive models with 338 horsepower. The the Toyota BZ is built for confidence. 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