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Rob Dial (1:17)

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob. Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button. So you know, never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want to brainwash yourself to be the person you want to be, to change your beliefs about yourself, about the world, about what your potential is in this world, I created a video lesson to teach you exactly how to create a morning priming technique so you can prime your brain to think and act the way that you want to. If you want to get that video lesson for free, go to morning priming.com once again morning priming.com and you can download it for free. Today I'm going to be giving you two simple mindset shifts that will improve every single one of your relationships. Here's the deal. As a human, you have to be in relation relationships with every single person that comes into your life, every single person you pass in the street, every person that stays long term. Shouldn't we try to have the best possible relationships with other people no matter who they are, no matter where they come from? I think that we should try to have the best possible relationships that we can. And how do we have better relationships? How? Well, first off, we need to focus on what we can control. And the thing that will really help you the most is focusing on what you control. And that is your perception of yourself and other people in relation to each other. And so I'm going to explain this to you and it's going to make a whole lot of sense as we go through it. So let's just dive straight in. The first mindset shift you need to make and understand is that no matter what, everyone is always doing their best. Now I get it. This can be really hard to accept because some people are really freaking difficult. And it's important to realize that someone that you're relating to, even if they're just a completely off the rocker, even being off the rocker, is the best that they can do. If they could be doing better, they would be doing better. That also means that everything that's happened to you in your past, if someone could have done better, they would have done better. So everyone's always doing the best they can based off of everything that they know and everything that they've learned in their entire lives. And it's really important to remember that everybody has their own unique set of experiences, emotions, thoughts, beliefs, triggers and circumstances that greatly influence who they are as a person. And it greatly influences their behavior and then in turn, their actions as well. And I want you to understand there are some people in your life that might be extremely difficult. You might have pushed them away. But it's really important that we learn to have compassion. And I'm, I say this walking a very thin line because I do talk about if someone's very toxic to you, you should spend less time with them. But there is also the case of if you knew every single thing that somebody who is very difficult to deal with has been with, it would be easier to have compassion. The problem is, is that like for instance, we only see the adult man who's an asshole. We don't see the six year old little boy who was verbally assaulted by his father every single day. You get that like we, if we did, it would be way easier to have compassion for those people. And the line of work that I'm in, it's really hard just not to have compassion for everybody because I hear I can have a conversation with somebody and they could seem like they're sweet and they're amazing, they've got it all together. And then they tell me about their past and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe the hell that you've been through. And so they can sit in front of you. And they can seem like they've got it all together, but then behind the scenes you're like, I can't believe all that this person's been through. Almost all adults are just wounded children in adults bodies. And I really want you to understand that. So when I say that everyone's doing the best that they can with what they have, I'm being fully honest with you. Like, I believe that with every cell of my body and many factors can influence a person's behaviors and actions. I mean, think about the past few years. Like a lot has happened the past few years for mankind. Since, I don't know, 2020, mental health issues have skyrocketed. People have been through ups and downs and they've been beat up, you know, mentally and emotionally and all of that. And you might be sitting in front of somebody, you might be like, this person's a complete asshole, this person a complete dick, and this person's got that. But that person can be struggling with a mental health issue that you just really don't even know. Like they don't present it. It could be extreme anxiety, depression, it could be, you know, guilt from things that they've done in the past and they can't get over. All of these things can greatly affect somebody's behavior and their ability to make decisions and how they present as a person. They also might be dealing with personal problems as well. Like they could have financial difficulties, they could have relationship issues. Someone that they love could be really, really sick. Someone they love could, you know, have just died or they're about to be there. All of these things are all possibilities and people are just, there's so many people are just trying to keep it together. And all of these things can cause them to act in ways that they might not normally act. And so it's important to have compassion for everyone as we never really know what someone else is going through. The only way that you would know what someone else is going through is if you walked a full month in their shoes and see every single thing that's going on. So I know this is hard, but instead of immediately judging people and condemning somebody for their actions, for what they say, for what they do, we should try to understand and acknowledge the various factors that have happened in their life that may have influenced their behavior. Whether that was something that happened in childhood, or whether that's something that was 20 minutes before they left their house in a phone call that they got about somebody being sick. And so by doing so, we can help create a more Empathetic and understanding society. It's not saying you let people off the hook, but it's also like, hey, maybe we can support people and value people a little bit more rather than just judging and rejecting people, which is what I feel like a lot of people are doing nowadays. And so loving and supporting someone is better than lashing out at someone and probably what they need in the first place more than anything else. And that will allow them to have a space that is a safe space to more easily change. And I'm not saying that any of this is easy. What I'm saying is we should all try to be a little bit more compassionate to every person that's around us. Compassion makes us focus and try to find the good in people, even when it might not be immediately apparent that it's there. So instead of focusing on someone's negative actions, instead, we could just kind of try to focus on and try to find sometimes positive qualities and the good in that person that might exist. There's always good within a person. The worst person you could possibly find always has some sort of good within them. Nobody just becomes a adult, you understand? Like, it doesn't just happen. No one's like, you know what? Like, I was really happy being, like, you know, a nice person, but I think I'd be happier if I was an asshole. It doesn't happen that way. Things happen that make somebody feel like that's the way to go. And it's usually somebody who's an. That's a protection mechanism. They're trying to protect themselves from something. Right? So also, finding compassion in other people makes it a lot easier to operate in the world. And finding compassion in for yourself makes your life a whole lot easier as well. When you find compassion for yourself and for other people, you don't carry as much anger and hatred for the person who's in front of you. And you can go, you know what? Yeah, I'm gonna have compassion for this person. I'm just gonna let it go. It's like the phrase, anger is the acid that burns a vessel. Like, what does anger and resentment do for you? It does nothing for you. It hurts you. It doesn't hurt them at all. So when we practice compassion some sort of way, we can feel a greater sense of happiness and contentment in our lives as well as have a whole lot less stress and anxiety. That's for sure. And listen, I get it. I completely understand, as I'm saying this, it can be really freaking difficult to have compassion for other people, especially the people who have really hurt you with their actions in the past. I get it. Compassion is not something that you're born with. Compassion is a practice more than anything else. It's something that we have to keep on practicing and we get better at as we start to see how our compassion shifts the people around us. But it's something that we can all work on and we can all improve and we should all try to improve and to be more compassionate. But it's really important for you to remember and understand that it will greatly help you and change your life, but it'll also help everyone that you come in contact with as well. So that's number one. Understand everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, even if it doesn't seem like it. The second thing that you need to realize and we will be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey. I want you to think about people in your life who have changed your life in some sort of way. Mentors, people around you that you look up to. I want you to think about your favorite leaders, mentors, idols that are out there as well. I want you to know that none of those people have all of the answers, but they do know when to ask questions and when to seek support from their community. In a society that glorifies hyper independence, it's easy for us to forget that that we're all better when we have a support system behind us. Therapy can be a source of support for any area of your life. It's time to shift the focus from doing it all to knowing that we're all better when we ask for help. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com dial to get 10 off your first month. That's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com dial if you have.