Rob Dial (10:55)
And now back to the show. The thing that's important about that is that you need to understand. Like, I'll give you a good example. It pops up in my life. I remember somebody in my life who has tough uncle energy is my cousin Jason, right? He's 18 years older than I am. And I Remember back in 2011, I had just started a job like six months ago and we were at a family event, we were catching up and he was like, how's life? Da da da. He's like, how's your new job? I was like, that's pretty good. He's like, do you love it? And I go, I don't know if I necessarily love it. He goes, you should quit. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, you should quit and like, go backpack Europe for a few months. Like, just be by yourself. And I was like, something about that resonated. I was like, oh my God, that feels like something I should do. And so for the next year, I saved up all my money. And then the summer of 2012, I went and backpack Europe for three months, quit my job, backpack Europe for three months by myself. And it was like, it wasn't like he was sugarcoating it. He was telling me what I should do to change my life. And I respected that. Right. And so that's what I want you to understand is like, kindness commands respect. Like, nobody think about it. Nobody really respects somebody that just lays down for other people. Nobody respects somebody who doesn't have a backbone. Nobody doesn't. Nobody respects somebody who's just constantly. People pleasing people respect somebody who is themselves, someone who is powerful. Not because they force other people to do what they want, but. But because they know who they are and they are very clear on what's important to them and they are not willing to bend on that for anybody. That type of person is a type of person that people respect. The other thing that's important, you have to understand to be really respected by other people is you have to teach people how to treat you. You have to teach people how to talk to you. You don't realize it with people in your life, especially people that have been there for a long time, like your parents. Everything that you do is you're teaching people how to talk to you. If you're letting people overstep your boundaries or say stuff to you and not saying something back in a kind but firm way, you're teaching them how to talk to you, you're teaching them how to treat you. And so this is a truth that most people really miss is you have to understand people are unconsciously taking notes on how you show up all the time. If you apologize just for existing, then they're going to believe that you're not worth very much. Not consciously, but unconsciously. It's just going to kind of be like that because you don't even really think you're worth very much. Right. If you bend every time somebody applies pressure to you and they see you as somebody who's easy to sway, they probably won't respect that. If you, like, over give or over explain or over apologize or overextend yourself, they will expect that from you and they will always ask for more. And so the way that you show up, your energy is teaching them your response to everything that you do, is teaching them. How you show up is teaching other people. Like, you don't. This is a. I kind of was curious if I should like actually use the word command when I said command respect. Because people think like commanding is like, you need to respect me. That's not what I'm trying to say. Like, you don't need a loud voice to command respect from other people. What you need is to be grounded in yourself and your self respect people, you have to understand this will not treat you better than you treat yourself. Ultimately, in the long run, they will not. They will not treat you better than you treat yourself. So how do you treat yourself? Like, if you don't believe that you're worth protecting and your time is worth protecting, why search somebody else if you don't think your time matters? Like, why would they honor it? If you don't respect yourself at a deep level, why the hell would anybody else respect you? So people treat you based on the standards that you set. Like, do you know what your standards are of yourself, of your life, of your relationships, of everything? Or you just kind of coasting through life? Like, who are you? Like, have you really thought about, like, who are you? Who do you want to be? What is acceptable? What is unacceptable in your life? What are the standards that you're going to hold yourself to? Like, you need to sit down with a pen and paper and ask yourself some really tough questions. Who do I want to be? What do I believe? What is the hill that I'm willing to die on? You need to discover who you are, who you want to be, and be extremely firm in that. People respect people not because they agree with them, but because they can see that that other person is grounded deeply in themselves and what they believe and they learn. I'm not going to overstep that. That is what respect looks like. Also another really big piece of this is discovering your boundaries. Like, your boundaries are also another way that you really train people how to act around you and how you really start to command respect from other people. So many people have no boundaries. Like, they don't know what their boundaries are. They are not clear on their boundaries. They're like, ah, that person pisses me off. They don't know why it pisses them off. Like, if you're not very, very clear on what your boundaries are, people will overstep them all the time and you won't really feel like they respect you because they're overstepping your boundaries. But think about it for a second. Like, you cannot blame them for overstepping your boundaries because they have no idea what your boundaries are because they haven't been communicated to them. Why? Because you have no idea what your boundaries are like. Do you see the insanity of that? And so boundaries are really simple. Boundaries are just instructions for how to be in a relationship with you. That's it. And a relationship is just two people relating to each other. That's all it comes down to. They're not walls. They're not ultimatums, they're not drama. They're not forcing other people to be a certain way. They're just saying, hey, this is what I believe in, this is what I'm available for. Here's what works for me, here's what doesn't work for me. And standing firm in that. And when you say it clearly and you say it calmly, people will feel your clarity. And you have to understand, this is the, the interesting thing about it. Like, you have to, number one, get really, really clear on what your boundaries are. Number two, you need to communicate them clearly to the other person as clearly as you possibly can, like the least amount of words.
