Ad Voiceover (4:13)

Okay.

Rob Dial (4:13)

Because these are actually two really important distinguishing. Like, two things we need to distinguish in order for it to make sense for you. Okay?

Ad Voiceover (4:19)

Guilt.

Rob Dial (4:19)

Guilt is a very human response. It's your brain's way of saying, hey, I went against my values. That's not who I want to be. It makes you understand that you are out of alignment in that moment. That's what guilt is. It's a good sign. It means that your heart's still working. It shows that you know who you are and you were out of alignment. Okay? But here's where it starts to get tricky. Guilt is supposed to lead to growth. Hey, I messed up. I don't want to do that again. Let me Recalibrate so I can do something different. That's what guilt is supposed to be there for. It's not supposed to be a life imprisonment. And it's not meant so that you stay there forever. It's meant so that you can feel it, so that you can become aware of it, so that you can change and you can say, okay, let's recalibrate from here so that I can make a better decision next time. Some of you, though, and we all do this in some sort of way when we're unaware of ourselves, have turned your guilt into an identity. And so you say something like, oh, well, I'm a bad mom, or I always sabotage things, or I don't deserve love after what I did, or I'm not a good person at that point. It's not guilt anymore. Guilt is in the moment, a behavior at this point in time where you're turning it into identity that's actually turned into shame. And so the difference is, and the way to distinguish it, guilt says, I did something bad. Shame says I am bad. And shame will always keep you stuck in the past your whole life and make you repeat it over and over again. And once again, this is a really important distinction. There is a really, really big difference between a behavior, which is something that you do, and an identity, which is who you are. And most people take their behaviors and say, oh, well, because I did this, this is who I am. Because I yelled at my kids, I. I'm a bad mom. No, no, no. There's a big difference between your behavior and your identity. You can still have a bad day and yell at your kids on accident and still be a great mother. You don't need to take your behavior and make it an identity. And this is where a lot of people keep themselves stuck. Just because you did something does not mean that's who you are. And so let me give you an example, right? Because this is really important for you to see, because now you can start to distance yourself from the moment and not take on this behavior and make it who you are. Let's go. The example I was just giving you, like, a parenting mistake, right? Guilt would be something like, I yelled at my kid yesterday. That's not how I want to show up, right? That's a behavior. Shame is I'm a terrible mother. That's an identity. Guilt can lead to repair and growth. Shame leads you feeling like shit and keeps you stuck in that moment as that person. So let's give another example. Let's say that, you know, you did something wrong in a relationship. Right? Guilt would be something like I wasn't honest with them and I need to own that. See, behavior shame is I'm unworthy of love. I always ruin things. I'm a liar. That is an identity.

Ad Voiceover (7:25)

Guilt is about the action.

Rob Dial (7:27)

Shame makes it about the identity. Let's say you mess something up in your career, right? Guilt would be like, I missed a deadline, I let the team down. That's a behavior. Shame is I'm a failure. I'm not good at this. I always screw things up. That's an identity. So guilt invites responsibility. Shame creates paralysis and makes you more likely to repeat it again because you're turning it into your identity. And so let's Last example I'll give you let's say that you you have a and we will be right back. This is an ad by BetterHelp. If you want to feel lighter in 2026, there's things that you should let go of. A new year is a new opportunity. Feel lighter and you don't have to become a new person to do it. Signing up for therapy with BetterHelp can.

Ad Voiceover (8:12)

Shine a light on what's been weighing you down and illuminate possibilities for the year ahead. BetterHelp handles the initial therapist matching work for you. Just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the first time. If your match isn't the right fit.

Rob Dial (8:30)

Switching to a different therapist is easy.

Ad Voiceover (8:32)

Let BetterHelp provide you with unbiased perspective on your life so that you can head into the new year by taking on what truly serves you. You can't step into a lighter version of yourself without leaving behind what's been weighing you down. Therapy can help you clear space. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com dial that's better. H E L P.

T-Mobile Representative (8:54)

Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores.

T-Mobile Legal Disclaimer (9:14)

Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the cost of optional benefits plan features in Texas and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits Credit stop if you cancel any lines. Qualifying credit required.

Ad Voiceover (9:24)

The new year is the perfect time to finally start that business you've been thinking about because you get a fresh start. New energy and 12 full months to build the life you actually want. 2026 is the year you launch your business. The year you transform into an entrepreneur, founder or boss. One powerful move puts your future firmly into your hands. Starting a business with Shopify Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to first time business owners just getting started. Shopify gives you all of the tools to easily build your dream store. Choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand. And marketing is built in too. Create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll down. And as you grow, Shopify grows with you. Handle more orders, expand to new markets, and do it all with the Same dashboard in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com dial. Go to shopify.com dial that is shopify.com dial Hear the sound of your first sale this new year with Shopify by your side.

Rob Dial (10:36)

And now back to the show. You know you said you weren't going to be drinking for a while and you started drinking or there's some sort of addiction and it's like, guilt is I screwed up and that was a choice that I regret. That's behavior. Shame is I'm broken, I'll never change. That's an identity. Guilt leads to growth in some way. Shame keeps you in the cycle. And so identifying it as a behavior and actually saying like this is a behavior allows you to notice it, not take it on. And then forgive yourself and be able to grow from it in the moment. Making it an identity makes you feel like shit. It makes you feel small and it makes you more likely to do it again in the future because you're telling yourself, that's who I am. And if that's who you are, guess.

Ad Voiceover (11:25)

What you're going to do?

Rob Dial (11:25)

You're going to take actions that align with your identity. Forgiveness. When you look at it, let's clear it up, really. More than anything else, forgiveness is taking accountability. Yep, I messed up. I own it. Learning the lesson from it, I'll learn from it. It won't happen again. And then releasing yourself from the past so that you can grow. If you don't release yourself from the past, you will not be able to grow. You will stay stuck in that moment and not be able to grow from it. That's what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not like pretending it didn't happen. Forgiveness is not saying like, oh, yeah, what I did was okay. Because sometimes what you did wasn't okay. And you need to take responsibility for it. Forgiveness is not waiting for somebody else to forgive you first so that you can have permission to forgive yourself. And so when you look at it, you're not erasing it. You're not denying it, but you're also not making it part of your identity. What you're doing is you're reframing it. You're going, there was a lesson in this. I'm going to extract this lesson. I'm going to grow from it. You're saying, like, hey, I was doing my best that I could with the level of awareness that I had, but now that it's been two years, I've outgrown that version of me. I've learned more. And Hindsight is always 2020, and so I'm gonna do better next time. One thing I really want you to understand for yourself, but also for other people, is believe it or not, and it's hard to believe for some people, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have at every moment of their life, even if they completely screw up. And some people, you're just gonna have to realize they're doing their best, even if it's not really good, but they're doing their best. But when I say everyone is doing the best that they can at any moment, I'm also saying that includes you.

Ad Voiceover (13:09)

You.

Rob Dial (13:10)

If you would have known more, you would have made a better decision. Well, now that you know more, let that version of you go and make it a better decision next time. And so let me give you the. The four step process to actually start to forgive yourself.

Ad Voiceover (13:23)

The.

Rob Dial (13:24)

I want to break it down as something that feels like a little bit more actionable versus just saying forgive yourself. Right? So the first thing is this. You need to name the thing. Like, bring it to the surface. Even if it's painful, you have to bring it to the surface. Say it out loud or journal through it. Write it down. And you can say something like, you know, I keep replaying the moment that I snapped at my children, or I stayed in a toxic relationship way too long, or I really messed that up. Like, just bring it to the light. Because there's a phrase that I love that says shame breeds in the dark. Which means that when it stays in the dark, it grows. When you bring it to the light, you can work through it. So you need to learn to call it out. You need to learn to bring it to the light so that you can Work on it so that you can grow from it and then you can let it go and stop holding onto that thing. So that's the first thing. The second thing you want to do is take appropriate responsibility. Now, I use the word appropriate very specifically. I don't want you to take all of the responsibility. There's sometimes where you do need to take all the responsibility, but there are certain situations where you don't need to take all of the responsibility. You just need to take your part of the responsibility. Did you mess up? Cool. Name it. Where did you mess up? But don't carry everybody else's behavior on your back. You can let them deal with that. You, you need to let that go as well. But also at the same time, don't name everybody else's behavior and blame everybody else's role in it, because that's not what we're here to do. That doesn't matter anymore. All we're here to do is to just start owning your part in whatever it was that happened. Okay? So the second thing you're going to make sure that you take appropriate responsibility. The third thing is that in order to really forgive yourself and to be able to let go of this, you need to be able to extract the. The lesson from it. You need to pull the lesson from. This is why having your journal is important. So you ask yourself questions like this, if this situation happened today, how would I respond differently? So that you can now know how you can recalibrate next time it happens. Like, so if this situation happened today, how would I respond differently? Or what was I supposed to learn from this? Or how can I do better next time? This is where you can take that moment of guilt where, yeah, you did mess up, and you can turn it into growth. If you're growing from something, it makes it way easier to forgive yourself for it. If you learn something, and I mean, like, really learn something from it, then that pain was never wasted. Every version of you is a stepping stone to the next version of you. None of them are final. It's like the visual that I always have when I think of people constantly growing is like a rose that's constantly in bloom. Like, it's always blooming. And when a new petal is coming up, what happens? Old petals need to die off and fall off in order to make space for that new petal. You know, you have to let go of the old ones. You have to stop holding on to certain old petals that have needs to fall off. Like, let them fall off so that you can grow. So that's the third thing. And the fourth thing is create closure on purpose. And so it might look like a couple different things. Whatever works best for you, because some people like different things. You can write yourself your past self a letter. Hey, dear past Self, I know that you're going through some rough times, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, write yourself a past letter so that you can actually just let go and create closure of that. It could be that you say, I forgive myself out loud, or you write it down and say it out loud. It could be, you know, visualizing yourself walking away from the memory in peace. So it's like, hey, I'm leaving that. Like, you don't have to wait for some big moment in your life or some big spiritual moment. Like, you can create one. You can just say, like, hey, I release myself from this chapter. It taught me what it needed to teach me, and I forgive myself for what I did. That's it. It's simple. And so, you know, I want you to have a reframe on what forgiveness is and what you're supposed to do and how you're supposed to use this. Because what if the version of you that made that mistake wasn't trying to ruin your entire life? I'm gonna make a guess. Do you think that version of you was trying to ruin your life? No. Maybe that version of you wasn't evil or selfish or dumb. You know, maybe they were just afraid. Maybe they were confused. Maybe they were unhealed in certain places in their life. Maybe they were imitating what they saw growing up. Maybe they were desperate for connection, so that's why they acted the way they did. Maybe they were running from abandonment. Maybe they were operating in survival mode. And what if you could look back right now and say, like, to your older self, like, you didn't know better, it's okay. But, like, I know better now, and I'm gonna do better from here on out. That's how you actually forgive yourself. That's what leadership for yourself actually looks like. And when you start to lead yourself in ways like that, that's where you really start to step into your power. And so I want you to understand you are allowed to forgive yourself. And if you're listening to this episode and you're still here, you know, you probably need to forgive yourself in some sort of way. What does that look like? What does it look like for you to forgive yourself? What does it look like for you to move on and. And to stop punishing yourself and keeping yourself in this invisible prison? Like, you're allowed to be free. Believe it or not, you're allowed to change. And I want you to understand that the real you, the version of you that you're growing into, the version of you that you're becoming, needs you to let go so that you can now step into a new version of you. That old pedal needs to fall off so that you can grow a new one. And so the real you, the version of you that you're becoming, is need you to let go. And the first piece of that is forgiving yourself. Hey, thanks so much for watching this.

Ad Voiceover (19:21)

Video based off of what you have.

Rob Dial (19:22)

Been watching on YouTube recently. YouTube is bringing up this video right here and it thinks that you should watch this one next based off of your algorithm. And if you want to make sure to never miss another podcast episode, go.

Ad Voiceover (19:34)

Ahead and click that button right there.

Rob Dial (19:35)

Subscribe and I'll see you on the next video. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram. Stories Tag me in at Robdial Jr.

Ad Voiceover (19:44)

R O B D I A L.

Rob Dial (19:46)

J R and if you're out there and you want to learn more about coaching with me outside of this podcast, you can learn more by going to coachwithrob.com once again, coachwithrob.com and with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day does it.

Fidelity Representative (20:06)

Feel like it's getting really hard to figure out the best way to save for retirement? Fidelity can help you find clarity so you can save the best way for you. With a free personalized plan, goal tracking, and timely insights, you'll be set to take on retirement your way. Get started@fidelity.com future expenses charged by your investments and other costs and fees associated with trading or transacting in your account. Apply Fidelity Brokerage Services Member NYSE SIPC.

Fidelity/Chase Representative (20:35)

Introducing Fidelity Trader plus, the next generation of advanced trading from Fidelity. Customize your tools and charts and access them seamlessly across desktop, web and mobile for faster trades anywhere you go, try the all new Fidelity Trader Plus. Learn more about our most powerful trading platform yet@fidelity.com TraderPlus investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC Member NYSE SIPC.

Rob Dial (21:04)

I'm Neal, founder of Klever. When I found ceramics, I realized my calling was to give others the space to be creative. So I set out to open my own studio video.

Fidelity/Chase Representative (21:12)

Having a Chase Ink card has allowed us to grow and bring people together.

Rob Dial (21:16)

Now we're molding a creative community.

Fidelity/Chase Representative (21:18)

Chase Inc. Business Cash Card. You can earn up to 5% cash back on business essentials so your business can go from here to possible Chase for business. Make more with yours. Real business owner compensated for their participation. Cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member fdic, subject to credit approval terms apply.