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Rob Dial (1:33)
Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob. Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself. So if you're looking to improve your life, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another one of these episodes. Today I'm going to be talking about how to win people's respect and be able to influence people in a positive way. Because if you want to be successful or run a successful business or raise amazing children and have a great life, you need this episode. Because understanding how people work, how they communicate, and how to make other people feel amazing so they rise to their greatest self are some of the most important skills that we can actually master. So whether you're a parent, whether you're a friend, whether you're a child, whether you're a manager or You're a high level CEO. You need this episode because you will get way further in life if you understand how people work and how to influence them at a deep level. And so today, what I'm gonna go over is what I think are the six most important principles from the book how to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. First one is this. Be more interested than interesting. I've said this a few times in the podcast before, but one of the things that he says is that you can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than in two years by trying to get people interested in you. I want to start here because this is where most people really mess it up. We have been trained through society, through our parents, through everything, especially through, like, business and through social media and through personal branding and everything that we need to be interesting, that we need to perform, that we need to achieve in order for people to like us. So we think for people to like us, we need to try to impress them, we need to posture, we need to talk about how cool we are, we need to show how cool we are to other people just so we can try to get them to like us and to earn their love. And we think that if we're impressive, people will then like us. But what Dale Carnegie figured out, like a hundred years before Instagram came out was that you don't win people over by dazzling them. You win them by seeing them, like, really seeing them for who they are. So many people in this world are just dying to be seen and understood by other people. And so let's be honest, like, if we're being truly honest here, most people care more about themselves than they do about you. And so you can drop your need to feel like you have to be so impressive and so amazing for other people and you can get radically curious about another person. And if you do that, you will instantly stand out from a crowd. You will become more magnetic because you're rare. And so you're, you might be the only person, if you think about that this week, ask them about themselves, ask them about what they're doing, ask them and really, really gets interested in them. And if that's the case, that will make them remember you, that will make you stand out. And so you've got to ask them questions that nobody else is asking. Hey, like, what's lighting you up right now? What are you most excited about this week? Like, what's a challenge that you've been secretly crushing? One of my favorites that a mentor used to say, all the time he would say, tell me your story. Like, how did you become who you are? And then he would just sit and listen. And people loved him more than almost anybody else in the company because he was just so interested in you. And so the magic trick of all this is to ask the question and then shut the hell up. Let them talk, give them space. Don't interrupt, don't try to one up them, just listen. And then ask them to go deeper. You know, tell me more about that. What else does that mean to you? That sounds amazing. Is there anything else that you are. That you're excited about and allow them to go deeper. That's how you build a real connection with another person. Just remember, people love to talk about themselves. And so try to be interested. Not interesting. The second principle that I think is important is to give people a reputation to live up to. This one is so good. And in the book he says, give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. What this means is that you want to speak to them and speak to other people about them with them around in the highest praises that you possibly can about somebody. Especially if you leave it. Like, if you lead a team or you coach people or you have children, you know, you want to speak amazing things about them. If you have children, you want to speak amazing things about them to other people. A lot of times parents will be like, oh, yeah, well, Johnny was just being a little bit crazy today, and he's being such a bad boy. And then they'll vent to their spouse in front of their child, which is then creating that identity for that child. If you have kids, speak amazing things about them to other people. Speak amazing things about them to your spouse. Like, my wife and I, we speak very highly of our son to each other. And so we want that to become his identity because we know that if he hears us speaking about him to each other, that becomes his identity, that becomes what he thinks of himself. So there's definitely never going to be anything that's going to leave our mouths about something he did wrong or a temper tantrum or any of that type of stuff to each other. You know, at least not around him. You know, we can talk about it and we could be honest when he's asleep or when he's in another room, whatever it might be, but not when he's around. And the reason why this is really important is because the psychology behind it shows that people act in alignment with their identity. So if you want someone to rise, you have to speak to who they already Are but at their absolute best, even if they're not fully living into it yet, you can help them start to put this identity in, which allows them to fully live into it. And it goes back to like, Calvin Coolidge has a quote, I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think that I am. And so when you speak really great about them to them or you speak really great about them to somebody else, part of them is going to go, oh, shit, she thinks that about me. Like, I must be better than I actually thought. And they will take that on as an identity and they will act in accordance with their highest self. Now, because you're helping them become that. So you want to speak life into people. Instead of saying something like, oh, you always forget deadlines. Like, you could always say something like, hey, you're always someone that I've been able to count on to finish strong. That's why I know this project's in good hands. That makes them go, you know what? I do want to finish strong. I do want to finish on time. You feel the difference between that, like, oh, you always miss deadlines versus, like, you're someone who I've always known that I could count on. And that always finishes strong. That's why I know you've got this project. Like, there's a big difference in that. And so don't focus on correcting behavior. Focus on reinforcing an identity. People act in alignment with who they think they are. Right? And that's really, really deep. And so you want to talk to them as. As their highest self that you they could possibly be. And you want to talk about them to other people in their highest self. This public praise locks it in. And this is how you can get the absolute best out of people. So that's number two. Number three is to avoid criticism like, it's radioactive inside of the book. He says, any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most fools do. And so let's be real. And we will be right back.