Podcast Summary: The Mindset Mentor

Episode: The Price of Not Choosing Yourself

Host: Rob Dial
Date: January 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Rob Dial explores the profound consequences of not choosing yourself—how so much of our identity and mindset is unconsciously shaped in childhood by outside influences, and why true transformation and fulfillment come from intentionally building the life and identity you desire. He emphasizes the crucial difference between living by outdated programming and conscious self-creation, urging listeners to break free from people-pleasing and inherited limiting beliefs to embrace their authentic "2.0" selves.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. We Are Born into Others’ Programming

• Shaping by Age Seven:
  Rob opens by explaining how, before we even make our first conscious choices, our parents, caregivers, teachers, and society program us:

  "You were born into somebody else’s programming... Most people, they stay there forever, they never break out of it, and they wonder why they can't create the life that they want." (02:15)

• Research Backs This Up:

  “Research from the University of Minnesota shows that our core beliefs about ourselves, about the world, about everything, 90 to 95% of them are shaped by the age of seven, and they're stored in your subconscious.” (05:22)

2. Living in the 1.0 Operating System

• Most adults are still operating from beliefs and emotions set in childhood—what Rob calls the “1.0 version.”
• These beliefs feel as absolute as “the sky is blue,” simply because they were learned so early and go unquestioned.

3. You Don’t Find Yourself, You Build Yourself

• The myth of “finding yourself” is dispelled:

  “You don’t find yourself. You build yourself. You decide who you need to become and you start building yourself into that.” (08:47)

• Rob likens this to building a new house: you need to intentionally plan and create every part.

4. Default vs. Deliberate Mental Scripts

• Repetitive, Negative Thoughts:
  Citing a 2005 National Science Foundation study—80% of our daily thoughts are negative, and 95% are repetitive from the day before.

  “You are reliving the same old mental script on a loop every single day until the day you die. Unless you interrupt it…” (09:44)

5. Choosing Yourself Is Not Selfish

• Rob addresses the common fear—often inherited from childhood—that putting yourself first is selfish:

  “Choosing yourself is not selfish. It's the most strategic thing you can do to make your life and everybody else's life around you better.” (13:41)

• When you’re depleted and not your best, everyone loses—family, coworkers, friends.

6. The Ripple Effect of Self-Care

• Science backs this up:

  “People who regularly engage in self care and self reflection have higher satisfaction in their relationships, better parenting skills, and greater work performance.”

• You teach your children and those around you self-worth and boundaries by modeling your own self-respect.

7. Your Relationship with Yourself Is Foundational

• Root System Analogy:

  “Your relationship with yourself is the root system for everything in your life. If your relationship with yourself is broken, everything else is going to be broken in some sort of way.” (16:01)

• Working on yourself improves every area: career, relationships, finances, health.

8. Introspection, Honesty, and Daily Commitment

• Rob urges frequent self-reflection:

  “Sit down and ask, what do I need today? How am I actually feeling? Who do I want to be today?” (17:31)

• Emphasizes the Jim Rohn quote (and builds on it):

  "If you work hard at your job, you'll make a living. If you work hard on yourself, you'll make a fortune... And if you work hard on yourself, you'll have incredible relationships, more peace, and a life that feels good to you." (18:00)

9. Commit to the 2.0 Version

• When old programming (fear, limitation) kicks in, notice it and ask:

  “That’s just the 1.0 version of me. What would the 2.0 version of me say right now?” (18:46)

• Commit daily, multiple times a day, to being your 2.0 self.

10. The Real Price of Not Choosing Yourself

• When you neglect your own needs for others:

  “Every time you choose others at the cost of yourself, every time you ignore your own needs just so you can keep the peace, every time you wait for permission to be the real you, you pay.” (19:38)

• Conversely, choosing yourself benefits both you and the wider world.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On identity formation:

  “Who you think you are, what you believe about yourself... is built into your subconscious by the age of seven. And we rarely question it unless we intentionally bring it to the surface.” (05:55)

• Key perspective shift:

  “If you're 40 years old now... do you think there’s some beliefs you learned by age seven that at 40 maybe you could shift a little bit?” (07:21)

• Truth about self-work:

  “You can't out-hustle low self-worth. You can't out-love lack of self-connection.” (16:53)

• Paradox of self-prioritization:

  “The real paradox in all of this is that the moment that you start putting yourself before everyone else is when everybody else's life improves.” (14:33)

• Final call to action:

  “You need to choose you every single day, multiple times a day, with everything that you have and without any apology. And if you do that, you will create a better life for yourself and everyone you love.” (20:09)

Key Timestamps

• [02:15] - How early programming shapes our lives
• [05:22] - Statistics: 90–95% of beliefs shaped by age seven
• [08:47] - The myth of “finding” yourself vs. building yourself
• [09:44] - 80% of daily thoughts are negative; the power of interrupting mental scripts
• [13:41] - Choosing yourself isn’t selfish: it uplifts everyone
• [16:01] - The root system analogy for self-relationship
• [18:00] - The expanded Jim Rohn quote and call to self-work
• [18:46] - Recognizing and updating your mental scripts—committing to 2.0
• [19:38] - The cost of self-abandonment versus the rewards of self-choice
• [20:09] - Final rally to unapologetically choose yourself daily

Episode Takeaways

• Our beliefs and sense of self are mostly formed by age seven, without our conscious choice.
• Continuing to live by that early programming keeps us limited, unfulfilled, and often stuck in negative mental loops.
• You don’t “find” your true self; you intentionally build and become who you choose.
• Self-prioritization is not selfish—it is the key to a better life for you and those around you.
• True transformation and fulfillment require ongoing self-reflection and the daily, conscious decision to be your authentic 2.0 self.
• When you upgrade your relationship with yourself, you upgrade every area—career, relationships, well-being—for the better.